Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast

Robert DelFave
  • 5.0 (5)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY

I'm Robert. I lost my dad at 15 and my mom at 26. Now I'm a husband and father trying to figure out what it means to build a life when the people who shaped yours are gone. Unparented isn't about the dramatic moments of grief, it's about what comes after. The Tuesday afternoons when you reach for your phone to call them. The milestones they'll never see. The weird, unexpected ways loss reshapes you. In these conversations, I talk with people navigating life without their parents, therapists, grief counselors, CEOs, entrepreneurs, and others who are building lives shaped by loss. We share raw, honest stories about grief, growth, and the strange territory of being unparented. If you've lost a parent, or you love someone who has, this is for you. Learn more and share your story at unparented.me

  1. FEB 6

    Ten Years of Running

    Ten years. That's how long I stayed away from Rochester, the place where I grew up, where my parents died, where my grandparents finished raising me after everything fell apart. I told myself there was nothing left for me there. But the truth? I was running. This episode is different. It's just me. No guest, no interview. Just me telling you about what happened when I finally went back. I took my wife and daughters to Rochester for the first time. I showed them the house I grew up in, the door I took apart as a kid, the deck where I'd eat the salt off pretzels and throw them in the snow. I took my four-year-old daughter to meet her grandpa at the mausoleum. She walked right up and said, "Hi Grandpa, I love you." And I lost it. Then she asked me where my mom was. Four words from the backseat of a rental car that I had no answer to. "I don't know, sweetheart. Daddy doesn't know where she's buried." I didn't go to my mom's funeral. And sitting in that car, unable to answer my daughter's question, wasn't about guilt. It was about not having a place to bring her. No grave, no mausoleum. Just nothing. But here's what I learned: the parts of yourself you think you left behind are never really gone. They're just waiting for you to come back and find them. And going back to the place you've been avoiding might be exactly how you realize how far you've actually come. This one's raw. This one's real. And if you've ever run from a place that hurt you, I think you'll feel this one. In this episode: Why I stayed away from Rochester for 10 years The moment on the plane when it all hit me Taking my daughter to meet her grandpa for the first time The question I couldn't answer: "Where's your mom?" Why I didn't go to my mom's funeral and what that means now How being there unlocked memories I thought were gone Seeing my sister, aunt, and uncle after all these years The difference between running from grief and growing through it What the surfer's mindset taught me about grief and joy Why I'm not afraid anymore Going back to Rochester didn't crush me like I thought it would. It reminded me that grief and life can exist in the same place. That I'm not that scared kid anymore. And that maybe, just maybe, I don't have to run anymore. 🌐 Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me ✍️ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    18 min

  2. JAN 26

    The Dark House Within: Rebuilding Your Identity After It Fractures

    This week, I'm talking with Liam J. Wakefield, a psychotherapist, counseling lecturer, and former British Army soldier who's built his entire practice around a question most of us avoid: what happens when the person you were completely falls apart? Liam lost his mother to abandonment as a child, went to war at 21, and was medically retired from the military after a chronic illness dismantled the identity he'd spent years building. He's faced grief not just from death, but from the loss of self: the fracturing that happens when the architecture of who you are can no longer hold. What makes Liam's work different is that he doesn't see healing as putting yourself back together. He sees it as learning to hold the tension between all the fractured parts: the grieving child, the masked adult, the angry protector, the exhausted survivor. He calls it "the self as continually becoming," and it's completely changed how I think about rebuilding after loss. We talk about the masks we wear to survive, the parts of ourselves we abandon to keep going, and why grief isn't something you get over. It's something you learn to carry differently. Liam also walks me through his "dark house within" practice, a tool he uses to help people visualize and navigate the psychological architecture they've built around their wounds. This conversation is deep, honest, and deeply human. If you've ever felt like you've lost yourself in grief or in just trying to survive, this one will hit. We get into: the abandoned parts of ourselves we leave behind to survive what it means to fracture and why it's not the same as breaking the masks we wear and which "hands" are holding them up his journey from rock and roll to the military to psychotherapy why he believes suffering is an initiation into growth the "dark house within" exercise and how it maps your psyche how children experience grief when their needs aren't met why authenticity is impossible and why that's okay the parliament of parts inside all of us voice dialogue therapy and giving your inner conflicts a voice why time doesn't heal, it just gives perspective how to rebuild psychological architecture after it collapses what it means to become "more than you ever felt possible" Liam's story is a reminder that you're not broken just because you're in pieces. Sometimes the fractures are where the growth happens. 🌐 Learn more about Liam's work: https://liamjwakefield.com 📸 Follow Liam on Instagram: @liamjwakefield 📰 Read Liam's articles in Hinton Magazine 🌐 Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me ✍️ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    1h 11m

  3. JAN 8

    When We Start Laughing, We Start Healing

    This week, I'm sitting down with Erica Richmond, a writer, grief guide, and founder of Open Sky Stories. Erica lost her ex-husband to suicide when their kids were just seven and ten. Eleven years later, she lost her dad. She's been living in grief for over a decade and has learned that the only way through it is to let it be as messy as it needs to be. What stands out about Erica is how she's held space for her kids to grieve in their own ways. They made a Lego figurine of their dad and called him Lego Dad. Her youngest drew pictures with his dad in a coffin or as a floating head in the sky. And when her ten year old asked if cremation was done with a laser beam or a flamethrower, she just went with it. Because sometimes that's all you can do. We talk about the exhaustion and blur that comes with grief, how she grew to resent being called resilient, and why dark humor became her family's way of surviving. Erica also shares how writing and creating art helped her process what words alone couldn't touch, and how that eventually became Open Sky Stories, a space for others to do the same. This conversation is honest, funny, and full of the kind of realness that only comes from someone who's been in the thick of it. If you've ever felt like you weren't grieving the right way, this one's for you. We get into: what surprised her most about losing her dad at 49 how her kids expressed grief through play and art the question her son asked about cremation that caught her off guard why she grew to resent being called resilient the blur that comes with grief and what it actually feels like how dark humor became a lifeline for her family the grief group that helped more than she expected why writing and art give her something talking can't what she built with Open Sky Stories what healing means when you're never really over it Erica's story is a reminder that grief doesn't have to look a certain way. Sometimes it looks like Lego Dad. Sometimes it looks like laughing at a meet and greet for dead grandpa. And that's okay. 🌐 Learn more about Erica's work: https://openskystories.com 📸 Follow Erica on Instagram: @openskystories 🌐 Visit the podcast website: https://unparented.me ✍️ Read more on Substack: https://substack.com/@robertdelfave 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    1h 10m

  4. 12/18/2025

    I'm Sick of Grief Taking So Much Away From Me

    This week, I'm sitting down with Sylvia Wolfer, a grief-informed practitioner who has experienced loss on a level that's hard to wrap your head around. She lost her father at seven. Her younger brother at 17. Her older brother at 40. And then her mother a few years later. From a family of six, only Sylvia and one brother remain. What makes this conversation different is how Sylvia has turned all of that loss into something she can actually use. Not just for herself, but for others. After years of being ambushed by grief triggers, she got angry. Not at the loss itself, but at how much grief had taken from her. She felt like she had missed out on time with her older brother because she was still so buried in grief from her younger brother's death. When he died too, something shifted. She decided she was done letting grief run the show. We talk about the neuroscience of grief, what's actually happening in the brain when we lose someone, and why understanding that can be strangely comforting. Sylvia explains the three-dimensional map the brain uses for relationships and why we still reach for the phone to call someone who's gone. She also shares practical tools for managing grief triggers, tending to the body when the heart and mind are overwhelmed, and why she schedules time to grieve on her own terms. This one gets into the science, but it never loses the human side. Sylvia is warm, honest, and somehow still full of love for life after everything she's been through. If you've ever felt like grief has taken too much from you, this conversation might help you start taking some of it back. We get into: what it was like losing her father suddenly at seven years old the gift her dad's death gave her, seeing the good in people why sudden loss is especially hard on the brain the three-dimensional map and why we still want to call people who are gone how she realized her nervous system was completely dysregulated the window of tolerance and how grief shrinks it why she schedules time to grieve instead of letting it ambush her tending to the body when the head and heart are too overwhelmed how she continues relationships with people who are no longer here her digital courses, guided meditations, and writing on grief Sylvia's story is proof that grief doesn't have to take everything. Sometimes, it can be the thing that finally makes you fight back. 🌐 Learn more about Sylvia's work: https://sylviawolfer.com 📸 Follow Sylvia on Instagram 🎧 Sylvia's Voice on Spotify 🎧 Sylvia's Voice on Apple Podcasts 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    1h 2m

  5. 12/06/2025

    Caring for the Parent Who Never Cared

    This week, I'm sitting down with Arnold, a former corporate executive turned brain fitness coach, to talk about what it means to grow up in a home where love wasn't really on the table. His father was a military officer who brought command and control into every corner of family life. His mother, numbed by decades of SSRIs, seemed to exist in her own world. A coach once told Arnold he was "the man who grew up without love," and that phrase hit him like a freight train. Arnold lost his father at 41. He describes it as a liberation, not a loss. The constant weight of never being good enough finally lifted. Years later, he spent eight years caring for his mother as dementia and Parkinson's slowly took over. What surprised him most? He actually liked her more during those final years. With the dementia came something he had never seen before: the real version of his mother, unfiltered by status and expectation. We talk about what it's like to grieve someone you never fully had, how watching a parent decline can spark unexpected purpose, and why Arnold decided to channel all of it into brain fitness. He now helps people optimize their brains before decline ever sets in, because he saw firsthand what happens when prevention isn't part of the conversation. This conversation covers heavy ground, but Arnold doesn't sugarcoat anything. He's honest about the family dynamics that shaped him, the conscious choice to become the opposite of his father, and the daily rituals that keep him grounded now. If you've ever felt like grief made you rebuild your entire identity, this one will resonate. We get into: what it felt like when his father's death brought relief instead of sadness the moment on a bike ride that sparked his mission around brain health why his mother seemed more "real" after dementia set in the conscious decision to care for a mother who had never really cared for him how negative examples can be more powerful than positive ones the inner critic and why being kind to yourself sounds simple but isn't what he would tell anyone watching a parent decline right now why curiosity might be the simplest thing you can do for your brain Arnold's story is a reminder that grief doesn't always look like sadness. Sometimes it looks like freedom. Sometimes it looks like finally becoming the person you were always supposed to be. 🌐 Learn more about Arnold's brain fitness work: https://braingym.fitness 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    1h 5m

  6. 11/19/2025

    What Happens When You Lose the People Who Made You?

    This week, I’m sitting down with journalist, author, and former CNN Senior Copy Editor John DeDakis to talk about the kind of loss that rearranges everything you think you know about yourself. John lost his mother first. Years later, he watched his father take his final breath right in front of him. He describes the aftermath as feeling “orphaned at 45,” and it became the moment that forced him to confront grief in a way he had avoided for years. John walks through what it felt like to lose the last parent, how childhood memories hit differently once they’re both gone, and the surprising guilt that shows up long after you think you’re doing fine. We talk about what happens to your identity when the people who shaped you are suddenly gone, how men often grieve in silence, and how long it can take to admit that you’re not actually okay. This conversation is raw in the best way. John doesn’t give polished, perfect answers. He tells the truth. The result is a conversation that meets you right where grief usually lives: in the quiet parts of your life that no one sees. We get into: • what it was like to be with his father during his final moments • the anger and shame he carried for years • why losing a parent in adulthood can be harder than people expect • the ways grief sneaks up even decades later • how writing became one of the ways he made meaning • what helps when you can’t “move on” • what he wishes he could tell anyone grieving right now John’s story is honest, painful, and strangely comforting. If you’ve lost one or both parents, you’ll probably hear pieces of your own story in his. That’s the gift of these conversations. They remind you you’re not the only one trying to navigate a life without the people who raised you. 🌐 Learn more about John’s books, writing, and workshops: https://johndedakis.com/ 🎥 Watch John’s interviews and writing discussions on Youtube 💼 Connect with John on LinkedIn 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow the podcast on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    1h 3m

  7. 10/29/2025

    Next Level Grief: Turning Pain into Purpose with Alan Lazaros

    In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I sit down with Alan Lazaros, CEO of Next Level University, a global top 100 podcast dedicated to helping others level up in life, love, health, and wealth. Alan lost his father in a car accident when he was just two years old, a loss that created deep pain and a sense of disconnection that would shape his entire journey. Decades later, after surviving his own near-fatal car accident, Alan found himself questioning everything: his choices, his identity, and the trajectory of his life. Instead of running from grief, he decided to turn it into purpose. Alan shares how the chip on his shoulder fueled his success in corporate America, and why he ultimately stepped away to create lasting impact through honest conversations and personal growth. We talk about family, loss, therapy, finding meaning after tragedy, and Alan’s powerful belief that the hardest moments can become the foundation for helping others. His story is raw, vulnerable, and full of hope, a reminder that grief doesn’t have to end our story, but can become the starting point for a whole new chapter. 🌐 Learn more about Alan’s work and podcast: Next Level University 📸 Follow Alan on Instagram: @alazaros88 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Next Level University Podcast 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    46 min

  8. 10/15/2025

    A Surfers Mindset: A Lesson for Life and Grief with Angie Hawkins

    What can surfing teach us about grief, resilience, and learning to live in the present? In this episode of Unparented: A Dead Parents Club Podcast, I sit down with Angie Hawkins, author of Running in Slippers and a coach helping high-achieving women let go of external validation. Angie lost her dad in 2017, a loss that sent her into the deepest grief she’d ever known and ultimately into a journey of healing, transformation, and connection with her father on the other side. Angie shares how surfing became more than a daily practice in Hawaii, it became a metaphor for life and grief. From the “surfer’s mindset” of savoring the ride without fearing the end, to the slow work of rebuilding identity after loss, Angie’s story is raw, vulnerable, and deeply human. We talk about growing up with emotionally unavailable parents, the weight of guilt after an estranged relationship, the darkness of isolation and even a suicide attempt, and how she slowly found her way back to light, purpose, and joy. Her story is a reminder that grief has no timeline, that healing can come in unexpected waves, and that our relationships with those we’ve lost don’t have to end, they simply change. 🌐 Learn more about Angie’s work and book: runninginslippers.com 📸 Follow Angie on Instagram: @angiehawkinscoaching 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Unparented Podcast 📩 Want to share your story on Unparented? Email me: hello@unparented.me 📸 Follow on Instagram: @theunparentedpodcast

    1h 32m
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

I'm Robert. I lost my dad at 15 and my mom at 26. Now I'm a husband and father trying to figure out what it means to build a life when the people who shaped yours are gone. Unparented isn't about the dramatic moments of grief, it's about what comes after. The Tuesday afternoons when you reach for your phone to call them. The milestones they'll never see. The weird, unexpected ways loss reshapes you. In these conversations, I talk with people navigating life without their parents, therapists, grief counselors, CEOs, entrepreneurs, and others who are building lives shaped by loss. We share raw, honest stories about grief, growth, and the strange territory of being unparented. If you've lost a parent, or you love someone who has, this is for you. Learn more and share your story at unparented.me

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