Description:Jude welcomes Pattie Vargas, author, speaker, activist, and certified grief professional, to discuss addiction, family trauma, grief, recovery, and the often-overlooked needs of families living alongside substance use. Pattie shares her deeply personal story of raising three children while navigating divorce, addiction, repeated attempts at recovery, and ultimately the devastating loss of her son Joel. Together, Jude and Pattie explore how stigma and shame keep families isolated, why addiction requires a community response, and how acknowledging our deepest needs can ultimately become an opportunity to help others. We talk about: • Pattie’s background in organizational leadership, change management, and coaching• The unexpected personal experiences that shifted the focus of her work toward addiction, recovery, grief, and family trauma• Her book Secrets, Scars and Heart Shaped Jars and why she rewrote her original story of resilience to include the reality of family addiction• The difference between presenting an inspiring story and telling an authentic one• How addiction can quietly seep into a family long before anyone recognizes what is happening• Pattie’s experiences with her children Joel and Becca and their struggles with substance use• Why addiction affects families across socioeconomic and educational backgrounds• How stigma and shame keep families from asking for help• Why “we’re only as sick as our secrets” can be an important principle for families affected by addiction• The importance of recognizing substance use disorder as a disease and a health-care issue• The trauma families experience while a loved one is still alive and actively using substances• “Grieving the Living” and the experience of ambiguous and anticipatory grief• Letting go of the hopes and dreams we once had for a loved one while still loving them• The fear and hypervigilance that can accompany life with an addicted family member• Why grieving families need to be heard, seen, validated, and accepted rather than told how they should grieve• The importance of “family of choice” for people who have lost loved ones to addiction• Why addiction should be treated as a community disease requiring a community response• The problems with relying on short-term, insurance-driven approaches to addiction treatment• Why recovery is rarely a simple 28-day process• The importance of listening to what people in recovery actually need rather than prescribing solutions for them• The role of diversion programs and drug courts in moving addiction treatment away from purely punitive approaches• Becca’s eventual recovery and her experience with the NET device• Why detox is only the beginning of recovery and why the deeper emotional and psychological work matters• The importance of remembering that people struggling with addiction generally do not want to remain addicted• How hardship, transparency, and vulnerability can become unexpected gifts• Pattie’s encouragement that no one should have to carry addiction or grief alone Join the Conversation:We’d love to hear how you’ve seen the “gift of need” show up in your life. Share your story in the comments or leave a review. Please subscribe to this YouTube channel and follow this podcast and rate it. Subscribe to my free newsletter to get future episodes and newsletters sent right to your inbox. JudeDiMeglioTrang1.Substack.com Guest Resources:Pattie’s book, Secrets, Scars and Heart Shaped Jars, is available wherever books are sold. Find articles and resources at: The Resilient Journey https://theresilientjourney.net/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@FamilyGrief Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theresilientjourney Music Credit: Gabe Kubanda / Damn Plans (Instrumental) © 2021 Kubanda Music Engineer: Ray Ingegneri, Third Street Productions, Tucson, AZ Producer: Jude DiMeglio Trang This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit judedimegliotrang1.substack.com
