⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains Open Discussions of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Human Trafficking, Violence, PTSD, Su i c i de, and military sexual trauma. Listener discretion is advised. What happens when the people who were supposed to protect you are the ones who hurt you? And what do you do when something you survived decades ago suddenly comes roaring back into your life? In this deeply personal episode of Old Ranger New Dad, I sit down with Dr. John A. King, a childhood sexual abuse and trafficking survivor, author, speaker, trauma advocate, and founder of The Phoenix Collective. John's story is difficult to hear—but this conversation isn't ultimately about what was done to him. It's about what he chose to do afterward. John was only four years old when he says the abuse began. Faced with a horrifying choice between himself and his younger sister, he instinctively chose to protect her. What followed was years of abuse and exploitation that, as a child, he didn't even have the framework to understand as abnormal. For decades, much of it remained buried. Then, at 45 years old, John's life changed almost instantly. Memories of his childhood came flooding back. He describes years of nightmares and what he calls "daymares"—intrusive images so vivid that they invaded ordinary moments of his life. A successful career unraveled. His church closed. His businesses disappeared. His marriage ended. He became estranged from his children and eventually found himself living alone in a small apartment, trying to figure out how to rebuild a life that had seemingly collapsed around him. But John makes an important distinction: Recovery wasn't one miraculous moment. It became years of work. Over roughly 15 years and what he estimates was approximately $300,000 in therapy and recovery work, John began assembling what he calls his "toolbox"—practical ways to understand trauma, manage its effects, rebuild relationships, rediscover purpose, and keep moving forward. One of the ideas that hit me hardest was John's 1% rule. We tend to wildly overestimate how much we can change in a day, a week, or a year—and underestimate what consistent change can accomplish over a decade. Instead of demanding that he become a completely different man overnight, John eventually gave himself permission to improve slowly. Not 1% every day. Not even 1% every week. Just keep moving. Keep adjusting. Keep doing the work. That idea goes directly to the heart of Old Ranger New Dad: You are never going to become a perfect man. But you can become a better one, and when you drift off course, you adjust the steering wheel and keep moving. IN THIS EPISODE: • John's account of surviving childhood sexual abuse and trafficking • Why a child may not understand that what is happening to them is abuse • What happened when John's suppressed memories returned at age 45 • PTSD, nightmares, "daymares," intrusive memories, and the long-term effects of trauma • Why John doesn't describe recovery as a finish line • His "toolbox" approach to managing trauma • The 1% rule and why small improvements compounded over years can completely redirect a life • Faith, forgiveness, anger, shame, and learning to live forward instead of backward • Why confronting an abuser may not provide the closure a survivor expects • Turning what John calls "scars of shame" into "medals of honor" • Why spouses and partners can be critically important in recovery • The tension between needing brotherhood and accepting that nobody else can do your recovery work for you • Childhood trauma among veterans, police officers, firefighters, paramedics, and other first responders • Why some men may enter warrior and protector professions carrying wounds that existed long before their military or law-enforcement service • Male survivors of sexual abuse and why so many men never tell anyone what happened to them • Military Sexual Trauma (MST) and John's concern that male victims are often overlooked • Why trauma needs to be treated as a human issue, not simply a male or female issue • John's intensive three-week therapy experience and the moment a therapist initially told him his case was beyond what she believed she could handle • Why reading books, attending therapy, listening to podcasts, or gathering information isn't enough unless that information is actually applied • The importance of giving yourself time and grace while still accepting responsibility for doing the work And then this conversation went somewhere I did not expect. While listening to John describe his childhood, I remembered something from my own that I had never publicly discussed. As a kid, an older family member regularly took me and other children into the woods, put us into a makeshift pit, and forced us to fight each other. I lost my front teeth. We lied about what happened. And for years, I actually looked back on some of it with gratitude because I convinced myself that he had simply made me tougher and taught me how to fight. It wasn't until much later—after becoming a Marine, an Army Ranger, deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan, and growing into adulthood—that I began looking at those experiences differently. I didn't plan to tell that story in this interview. It came out because this is what honest conversations can sometimes do. They can pull something into the light that you've carried for years without realizing how much meaning you've attached to it. John and I also discuss something that isn't talked about nearly enough: men and boys who have experienced sexual abuse, exploitation, violence, or trauma and never tell anyone. Some carry it for decades. Some bury it beneath toughness. Some become protectors. Some become soldiers, police officers, firefighters, or first responders. Some struggle with relationships, anger, addiction, isolation, or shame without ever connecting those struggles to something that happened when they were children. And some never tell another person at all. This episode is for them too. John's message isn't that another person can magically rescue you. In fact, he argues almost the opposite. You need people. You may need professional help. You need relationships. You may need your spouse. You may need brothers who understand the road you're walking. And for John, faith in God has been foundational. But eventually you still have to do the work. As John puts it, there's a strange tension in recovery: You can't do it in isolation—but you have to do it yourself. Nobody else can take the steps for you. This isn't a conversation about pretending horrible things didn't happen. It isn't about minimizing trauma or telling somebody to simply "get over it." It's about refusing to surrender the rest of your life to what happened in your past. Your past can shape you without owning your future. And if you're a man listening to this who has never told anyone what happened to you, I especially hope you'll hear this conversation. You are not required to carry it silently for the rest of your life. CONNECT WITH DR. JOHN A. KING John created The Phoenix Collective in part because he believes there are too few trauma-recovery resources speaking directly to men. The Phoenix Collective offers trauma-focused resources, including a free masterclass John says is offered approximately every six weeks. 🌐 John A. King / The Phoenix Collective: www.johnaking.com 📱 Social Media: Search Dr. John A. King on social platforms. John also mentions a Phoenix Collective course built from lessons gathered during approximately 15 years of his own recovery journey. During our conversation, he offered listeners the code PODCAST for discounted access. Please visit his website for current details and availability. ABOUT OLD RANGER NEW DAD Old Ranger New Dad is about helping men stop drifting and start deliberately building the man their future family can count on. I'm Seth Ryan—former Marine, Army Ranger, police officer, husband, and dad—and this show brings together conversations about discipline, purpose, faith, marriage, fatherhood, resilience, trauma, leadership, and becoming a better man without pretending any of us have everything figured out. If this conversation helped you, please share it. You may know somebody carrying something they've never had the courage to say out loud. LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, FOLLOW, and leave a review on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you're listening. And let me know: What was your biggest takeaway from my conversation with Dr. John A. King? Stop drifting. Start building the man your future family counts on. Your sand is always running... whether you're building your future—or avoiding it. Support the show Please LIKE, Share and Subscribe for more content like this!! @OldRangerNewDad
