HOUSE OF H.E.R

HOLLIE DOWDING
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Welcome to House of H.E.R. (Healed, Empowered, Rich) a space for women who have been through it… and are choosing themselves anyway.This podcast is hosted by Hollie  a mum, survivor of domestic abuse, late-diagnosed with ADHD, and a woman rebuilding her life from the inside out. House of H.E.R. is rooted in real experiences of domestic abuse  trauma, healing, and starting again when everything you thought you were has fallen away.Here we talk about emotional and domestic abuse, trauma bonding, ADHD, nervous system healing, self-worth, identity loss, motherhood, and the messy middle of becoming someone new. These are honest conversations for women who are tired of pretending they’re fine and ready to feel safe in themselves again.This podcast is for the woman who is just coming out of survival mode. The woman who is exhausted, confused, grieving who she used to be, and questioning everything but still standing. If you’re learning how to feel again, how to trust yourself again, and how to exist without fear, this space was made for you.You don’t need to be healed to be here. You don’t need the answers. You just need somewhere that understands what it costs to leave and what it takes to begin again. 

  1. 6D AGO

    You’re Not Overthinking: Coercive Control, Gut Feelings & Finding Clarity

    Send us Fan Mail In this episode, Hollie sits down with Holly, founder of Vera and Vale Private Investigations, to unpack the reality of emotional abuse, coercive control, gut instinct, manipulation, and what happens when your reality has been distorted for so long that you stop trusting yourself. From the early warning signs of unhealthy behaviour to control disguised as care, this conversation dives into the hidden side of abuse that so many women live through but struggle to name. Holly brings a unique perspective through her lived experience, criminology studies, published research, police background, and investigative work helping women gain clarity when they feel confused, dismissed, or made to feel like they’re going mad. This episode is honest, insightful, and incredibly validating for anyone who has ever felt like something was wrong but couldn’t fully explain why. What we cover in this episode: • what coercive control actually is and why so many women don’t recognise it at first  • the early signs of emotional abuse and “control disguised as care”  • why you feel like you’re going mad in certain relationships  • the difference between gut instinct and trauma after abuse  • how manipulation and gaslighting distort your reality  • why “you’re overthinking” is often used to dismiss what you’re actually noticing  • the link between infidelity, deception and emotional abuse  • how a private investigator can help you gain clarity in confusing situations  • the power of facts vs feelings when you’re stuck in self-doubt  • rebuilding trust in yourself after your reality has been distorted To get in touch with hollie, please visit her website where you can fill in a contact form:  https://veraandvale.co.uk or send her a dm on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/veraandvalelondon/ X Support & resources: if anything discussed in this episode has affected you, please know you are not alone and support is available • national domestic abuse helpline (uk) – 0808 2000 247 (24/7, free & confidential)  • women’s aid – https://www.womensaid.org.uk • refuge – https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk • nspcc (for concerns around children) – 0808 800 5000 • clare’s law (the right to ask) – you can apply through your local police force to find out if a partner has a history of abuse  • non-molestation order information – https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence if you are in immediate danger, please call 999 House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    1h 4m

  2. MAR 15

    Healing After Abuse: Addiction, Attachment Styles & Rebuilding Love

    Send us Fan Mail In this episode of House of H.E.R., Hollie is joined by Tiarny and Ben from Australia for a powerful conversation about healing after trauma, addiction, and abusive relationships. Both guests share their deeply personal journeys  from surviving toxic relationships, addiction, and emotional wounds to rebuilding their lives and learning how to create healthy, secure relationships. Together we explore the realities of healing after abuse, including the impact trauma has on the nervous system, attachment styles, and why relationships after abuse can feel so confusing and triggering. This conversation also dives into how men can create emotional safety in relationships, why healing requires both partners to do the work, and the importance of accountability, boundaries, and self-worth when rebuilding your life. This episode is not just for women it’s also an important conversation for men, partners, and anyone wanting to understand the deeper emotional impact of trauma and abuse. By sharing these stories and insights, our hope is to remind anyone listening that healing is possible, growth is possible, and healthy love does exist. What We Cover In This Episode• Ben’s journey from addiction, crime and prison to sobriety and rebuilding his life  • Tiarny’s experience of domestic abuse and the long road to healing  • Why trauma changes the nervous system and how hyper-vigilance develops  • The difference between anxious and avoidant attachment styles  • Why relationships after abuse can feel triggering and confusing  • The importance of emotional intelligence in healthy relationships  • How men can create emotional safety for women after trauma  • Why healing requires both partners to take responsibility for their growth  • Addiction, abusive behaviour, and why the two are often connected  • Why therapy helps with understanding trauma but deeper healing requires action  • The power of doing the inner work before entering a healthy relationship  • Why shared healing journeys can transform relationships I’m really excited for you to hear this one. Go show them some love:  @tiarnyls  @benlowecoaching https://insidious-pint-d0a.notion.site/Life-Beyond-The-Chaos-An-Invitation-3036da0d4b6a80f2b017e99178f8328a If you are affected by domestic abuse, please know you are not alone and support is available: • National Domestic Abuse Helpline (UK) – 0808 2000 247 • Women’s Aid – womensaid.org.uk • Refuge – refuge.org.uk If you are in immediate danger, please contact 999. House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    1h 24m

  3. MAR 9

    Through A Mother’s Eyes: Surviving Abuse, Pregnancy & First-Time Motherhood

    Send us Fan Mail In this powerful and deeply emotional episode of House of H.E.R., Hollie is joined by Annie, who shares her story publicly for the first time. Released on International Women’s Day, this episode shines a light on a side of domestic abuse that is not spoken about enough  what it looks like to experience abuse while pregnant, becoming a first-time mum, navigating birth trauma, and then trying to survive early motherhood while living in fear. Annie opens up about the early red flags, love bombing, violence, coercive control, the confusion that keeps so many women trapped, and the moment she knew she had to leave for good. Together, Hollie and Annie talk about how abuse can look “normal” from the outside, how difficult it can be to make sense of what is happening when you are in it, and why motherhood can both complicate and strengthen the decision to leave. This is a raw, honest and incredibly important conversation that will resonate with so many women, especially those trying to navigate abuse while raising a child. in this episode, we cover:  ✨ the early warning signs and intense love bombing  ✨ why red flags can be so easy to excuse at the beginning  ✨ moving quickly in relationships and how abusers create fast emotional dependence  ✨ the first violent incident and how the cycle began  ✨ how apologies, charm and “good periods” keep women stuck  ✨ Annie’s experience of doing Clare’s Law and what it revealed ✨ becoming pregnant and why abuse does not always escalate straight away ✨ how things changed after the baby was born ✨ birth trauma, neonatal care and navigating those early days alone ✨ the emotional abuse, criticism and cruelty Annie faced as a new mum ✨ how drink, drugs, disappearing and gaslighting became part of the pattern ✨ the reality of trying to survive abuse while caring for a newborn ✨ the moment Annie finally left ✨ what happened when co-parenting began ✨ the assault that led to police involvement ✨ social services, police response and how overwhelming that process can feel ✨ getting a non-molestation order for protection   important links mentioned in this episode claire’s law / domestic violence disclosure scheme Find out more about Clare’s Law on GOV.UK   non-molestation order form (FL401) Apply for a non-molestation or occupation order: Form FL401 If this episode brings anything up for you, please know you are not alone. If you are experiencing domestic abuse or are worried about someone you know, support is available. You do not have to wait until things get “worse” to ask for help. House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    1h 15m

  4. FEB 22

    The 1am Questions: Missing Him, Guilt & The Thoughts We Don’t Say Out Loud

    Send us Fan Mail In this week’s episode of House of H.E.R i’m doing something a little different my first ever solo episode. I answer the questions i get asked the most, the ones women whisper to themselves at 1am but don’t always feel brave enough to say out loud. Why do i still miss him? Why do i feel guilty for “ruining his life”? Why do i feel worse after leaving? Is it intuition… or is it trauma? Why do i feel embarrassed about what i tolerated? Does it actually get better? We talk about trauma bonds, nervous system crashes, shame, self-blame and the reality of healing after abuse  especially the messy middle that nobody prepares you for. I share honestly about what helped me, what didn’t, the things that made the biggest difference in my healing, and why feeling relief and grief at the same time is completely normal. If your mind has been racing lately and you’ve been questioning yourself, this episode is here to remind you that what you’re feeling makes sense. Trigger Warning This episode contains discussion of domestic abuse, coercive control, physical violence, trauma bonding, suicide, and mental health. If you need support If you’re struggling right now or something in this episode has brought things up for you, you are not alone and help is available. UK Samaritans Call 116 123 (free, 24/7) https://www.samaritans.org National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) Call 0808 2000 247 https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk Women’s Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk The Survivors’ Handbook (Women’s Aid) If you’re not sure if your relationship is healthy, worried about someone else, or need guidance: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/ Clare’s Law Apply to find out if a current or ex-partner has a history of abuse and may pose a risk: House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    43 min

  5. FEB 15

    Inside a Domestic Abuse Charity: Coercive Control, Safety Planning & How to Leave Safely

    Send us Fan Mail In this episode of House of H.E.R., I’m joined by Danielle from Oasis Domestic Abuse Service a UK domestic abuse charity supporting survivors across Kent and the South East. Danielle speaks not only as a domestic abuse partnership specialist, but also from lived experience. She understands coercive control, trauma bonds, and post-separation abuse both professionally and personally  which makes this conversation honest, grounded, and deeply real. We talk about what domestic abuse actually looks like beyond physical violence  especially coercive control, emotional abuse, psychological manipulation, and the patterns that slowly erode your confidence. Most importantly, we break down what happens when you reach out to a domestic abuse charity. What is safety planning?  What is a DASH risk assessment?  What is MARAC?  Do you have to report to the police to get help?  What happens if you have children?  How does refuge support actually work? If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship or supporting someone who is  this episode explains the practical steps, risks, and protections available in the UK. Leaving can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. But you do not have to do it alone. This episode is for anyone experiencing domestic abuse, coercive control, trauma bonding, and for those who want to understand how domestic abuse charities support survivors behind the scenes. UK Domestic Abuse Support Links Oasis Domestic Abuse Service (Kent & South East)  Website: https://www.oasisdaservice.org Helpline: 01702 302333 Hollie Guard Personal Safety App  Download here: https://hollieguard.com If you are in immediate danger, call 999. You are not alone.  Support is available.  Love should never hurt. House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    1h 9m

  6. FEB 2

    Through A Sister's Eyes: Watching The Signs Unfold

    Send us Fan Mail In this episode, I’m joined by my sister Amber someone who stood beside me through my experience of domestic abuse, even before she fully understood what was happening. This conversation isn’t just about my story it’s about the ripple effect of abuse. How it impacts families. How it changes relationships. And how hard it can be to support someone you love when they’re living in survival mode. Together, we talk honestly about what it was like from her perspective the red flags she noticed, the moments that didn’t sit right, and the guilt that can follow when you look back and realise something wasn’t okay. We discuss: The subtle signs that something wasn’t right personality changes, distancing, silenceHow control shows up quietly before it becomes obviousWhy family and friends often sense something before they can name itThe reality of bruises, excuses, and covering things upHow isolation happens  even within close familiesThe impossible position loved ones are put in: wanting to protect, without pushing someone awayWhy “just leave” isn’t helpful  and what isHow shame, fear, and trauma bonds keep people stuckWhat it’s really like when the truth starts to surfaceHow abuse affects not just the victim, but the entire family unitThis episode is for: Survivors who feel misunderstoodFamily members who carry guilt or confusionFriends who don’t know how to helpAnyone who has ever trusted their gut but didn’t know what to do nextThere is no perfect way to handle these situations.  But being a safe place can save a life. You are not weak for staying.  And you are not wrong for needing time. If you’re listening and worried about someone you care about: You are not alone, and there are resources to help you learn how to support safely. • The Survivor’s Handbook from Women’s Aid offers practical information for anyone affected by domestic abuse  from safety planning, understanding abuse, and options for support. • The Friends and Family Handbook provides guidance on how to approach someone you’re concerned about, how to listen without judgement, and how to encourage them towards support in a way that feels safe. Both guides are available online check the links in the show notes for direct access. If someone is in immediate danger, always call 999. You doing something as simple as listening or learning how to help can make a real difference.  House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    38 min

  7. JAN 25

    The Healing: Becoming HER

    Send us Fan Mail This episode is the final part of my story not the end, but the beginning of something new. After the trauma, the court case, and the survival mode, this is where I talk about what healing actually looks like. Not bubble baths and face masks but hard graft, grief, rebuilding self-worth, and learning how to be still after living in fight-or-flight for so long. We talk honestly about how healing stripped me bare. How the noise didn’t stop overnight. How social media, control, and fear lingered long after the relationship ended  and why real healing couldn’t begin until I finally felt safe. I open up about: Why healing isn’t soft  and why it hurts before it helps The impact of coercive control long after leaving Social media, fake accounts, and how access doesn’t always end when a relationship does Losing trust in myself and learning how to find my voice again Body image, self-worth, and living with trauma-fuelled body dysmorphia Why doing less healing work sometimes helped me heal more The power of sitting still instead of running Cutting out alcohol and seeing clearly for the first time Turning pain into purpose  and how House of H.E.R. was born from the darkest chapter of my life This episode is about learning to breathe again. About rebuilding foundations slowly. About understanding that healing isn’t linear  but it is possible. If you’re in the thick of it, if you feel like you’re “doing all the work” but still hurting, or if you’re scared you’ll never feel like yourself again this one is for you. Trigger Warning This episode contains discussion of domestic abuse, coercive control, physical violence, strangulation, stalking, suicide, and mental health struggles. If you’re struggling right now or something in this episode has brought things up for you, please know you are not alone and help is available. Samaritans Call 116 123 (free, 24/7) https://www.samaritans.org National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) Call 0808 2000 247 https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk Women’s Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk The Survivors’ Handbook (Women’s Aid) https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/ Clare’s Law https://www.met.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/ House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    46 min
  8. The Statement: Trauma, Truth And Justice

    JAN 18

    The Statement: Trauma, Truth And Justice

    Send us Fan Mail Some stories don’t end when you leave 🥀 In Episode 2 of House of H.E.R, I sit down again with my friend Cassie to talk about what happened after I left the part of the story that rarely gets spoken about, and the part that almost broke me. This episode is about the aftermath. The crash. The moment survival mode finally catches up with you. With the relationship over and the truth beginning to surface, my body and nervous system collapsed under everything they had been holding in for so long. I share what it was like to hit rock bottom, experience suicidal thoughts, and realise that leaving didn’t bring instant relief it brought grief, fear, confusion, and the most intense emotional pain of my life. We talk honestly about going to the police, the shock of how serious the case became, and what it was like navigating statements, evidence, CPS decisions, arrest, remand, and court. I share why the Victim Personal Statement became one of the most powerful moments of my healing not because it changed the past, but because it gave me my voice back. This episode also explores the losses that come with speaking up. Friendships ending. People choosing sides. The isolation that can follow telling the truth. And the painful reality that sometimes you have to lose everything connected to your old life in order to save yourself. We talk about trauma responses no one warns you about  emotional numbness, flashbacks, body-based anxiety, fixation, shame, and the urge to minimise what you went through. And we talk about the slow, uncomfortable realisation that healing doesn’t begin when the danger ends  it begins when your body finally feels safe enough to fall apart. This is not an easy listen. But it is an honest one. If you’ve ever wondered why leaving didn’t feel like freedom, why you struggled more after it ended, or why your nervous system feels like it’s still fighting a war that’s already over  this episode is for you. You are not dramatic. You are not failing. Your body is processing trauma. What we cover • What happens after you leave an abusive relationship  • Nervous system collapse and delayed trauma responses  • Suicidal thoughts and hitting emotional rock bottom  • Going to the police and navigating the justice system  • Arrest, remand, and the court process  • The Victim Personal Statement and reclaiming your voice  • Loss of friendships and social fallout after speaking up  • Why healing doesn’t start when the abuse ends Trigger Warning This episode contains discussion of domestic abuse, coercive control, physical violence, strangulation, stalking, suicide, and mental health struggles. If you’re struggling right now or something in this episode has brought things up for you, please know you are not alone and help is available. UK Support Samaritans Call 116 123 (free, 24/7) https://www.samaritans.org National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) Call 0808 2000 247 https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk Women’s Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk House of H.E.R. is a space for women who have lived through abuse, trauma, and relationships that broke them. This podcast exists to tell the truth, raise awareness around domestic abuse, and remind you that you are not alone in what you’re healing from. Follow @houseofher__ and my personal account @holliedowdingx on Instagram and please share this episode with a woman who might need it 🥀

    59 min
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About

Welcome to House of H.E.R. (Healed, Empowered, Rich) a space for women who have been through it… and are choosing themselves anyway.This podcast is hosted by Hollie  a mum, survivor of domestic abuse, late-diagnosed with ADHD, and a woman rebuilding her life from the inside out. House of H.E.R. is rooted in real experiences of domestic abuse  trauma, healing, and starting again when everything you thought you were has fallen away.Here we talk about emotional and domestic abuse, trauma bonding, ADHD, nervous system healing, self-worth, identity loss, motherhood, and the messy middle of becoming someone new. These are honest conversations for women who are tired of pretending they’re fine and ready to feel safe in themselves again.This podcast is for the woman who is just coming out of survival mode. The woman who is exhausted, confused, grieving who she used to be, and questioning everything but still standing. If you’re learning how to feel again, how to trust yourself again, and how to exist without fear, this space was made for you.You don’t need to be healed to be here. You don’t need the answers. You just need somewhere that understands what it costs to leave and what it takes to begin again. 

Information

  • Creator
    HOLLIE DOWDING
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    20
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 HOUSE OF H.E.R
  • Show Website
    HOUSE OF H.E.R

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