Burn The Rulebook Podcast: Real Talk On Menopause Mental, Health & Relationships

Rachel Boyle
  • 5.0 (1)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected in midlife? You’re not broken—you’re in perimenopause or menopause. I’m Rachel Boyle, licensed therapist and sex therapy specialist, here to help you understand what’s happening to your hormones, mental health, libido, and relationships. Each week, I break down the real impact of menopause, perimenopause, people-pleasing, and emotional labor—plus how to reclaim your sex life, voice, and sanity. Subscribe for honest, therapy-informed episodes made for midlife women.

  1. FEB 12

    Why Buy the Cow?: How Purity Culture Hijacks Women’s Desire and Voice

    Summary: In this episode of the Burn the Rulebook podcast, Rachel Boyle delves into the detrimental effects of purity culture on women's desires and voices. She discusses how societal and religious messages shape women's perceptions of their bodies, sexuality, and self-worth from a young age. The conversation explores the conditioning that leads women to feel obligated to provide sex in relationships, often resulting in pressure, resentment, and disconnection. Boyle emphasizes the importance of reclaiming one's sense of self and learning to communicate about intimacy in a mutual and shame-free manner. Chapters: 00:00 Understanding Purity Culture's Impact 10:23 Sex as a Transaction: The Marketplace Model 15:02 BRB outro__ jun 20, 2025 001_audio_only studio.wav Takeaways: • Purity culture shapes women's beliefs about their bodies and desires. • Messages about sexuality often teach women to monitor themselves constantly. • Desire is often treated as risky or sinful in purity culture. • Women may feel obligated to provide sex to maintain relationships. • Sexuality is often viewed as a bargaining chip in relationships. • Purity culture creates pressure and resentment around intimacy. • Healthy boundaries can feel like betrayal for women conditioned to be selfless. • Consent should be viewed as a relationship skill, not just a rule. • Healing involves reclaiming one's sense of self and body. • Women need to learn to express their desires and needs in relationships. Keywords: purity culture, women's desire, intimacy, sexual health, self-worth, relationships, emotional safety, consent, body image, healing

    16 min

  2. FEB 5

    Boys Lose Feelings, Girls Lose Voice—Then We Call It “Relationship Problems”

    Summary: In this episode, Rachel Boyle explores the emotional disconnects that arise in relationships due to cultural conditioning and patriarchy. She discusses how boys and girls are socialized differently, leading to men losing their emotional fluency and women losing their voice. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics to foster intimacy and connection in adult relationships, and offers insights on reclaiming emotional expression and communication skills. Chapters: 00:00 Understanding Emotional Disconnects in Relationships 11:45 The Impact of Patriarchy on Communication 18:53 Reclaiming Emotional Fluency and Voice Takeaways: • Boys start out emotionally tuned in but lose this as they grow. • Girls are outspoken in childhood but become people pleasers later. • Patriarchy shapes how both genders express emotions and voice. • Men struggle with emotional vulnerability due to societal conditioning. • Women often over-explain and apologize to maintain relationships. • The hidden curriculum in schools teaches boys and girls different lessons. • Intimacy requires both emotional access and a clear voice. • Couples often fall into predictable traps due to these dynamics. • Reclaiming emotional fluency is possible in adulthood. • Relationships can be a space to challenge and change patriarchal norms. Keywords: emotions, relationships, patriarchy, communication, emotional fluency, gender roles, intimacy, Carol Gilligan, voice training, cultural conditioning

    20 min

  3. JAN 27

    Why Women Struggle to Ask for What They Want: Finding Your Voice in Love and Sex

    SummaryIn this episode of the Burn the Rule Book podcast, Rachel Boyle discusses the phenomenon of perimenopause and its impact on women's relationships and behaviors, particularly the shift away from people pleasing. She explores how hormonal changes during this stage can lead to increased irritability and a decreased tolerance for traditional societal expectations. Rachel emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, effective communication, and embracing the changes that come with perimenopause as a path to empowerment and healthier relationships.Chapters00:00 Understanding Perimenopause and People Pleasing09:42 Navigating the Shift: From People Pleasing to Authenticity12:46 Tools for Healthy Communication and Boundaries17:28 Embracing Change: The Path to Empowerment19:06 BRB outro__ jun 20, 2025 001_audio_only studio.wavTakeaways• Perimenopause can change how women show up in relationships.• People pleasing is an unconscious survival strategy for many women.• Cultural expectations often pressure women to prioritize others' needs over their own.• Hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause can lead to mood swings and irritability.• Women often internalize societal norms that dictate their behavior.• The shift away from people pleasing can lead to personal empowerment.• Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.• Effective communication involves switching from complaints to requests.• Cherishing and appreciating partners fosters a supportive relationship environment.• Embracing the changes of perimenopause can lead to profound personal growth.Keywordsperimenopause, people pleasing, relationships, boundaries, assertiveness, hormonal changes, communication, empowerment, mental health, women's health

    20 min

  4. JAN 22

    Why Women Enjoy Sex Less

    Summary: In this episode of the Burn the Rule Book podcast, Rachel Boyle delves into the complexities surrounding women's sexual experiences, highlighting how societal norms and cultural scripts often lead to dissatisfaction and stress during sex. She emphasizes that the default cultural narrative surrounding sex is predominantly male-oriented, leaving women with a skewed understanding of their own pleasure and agency. Boyle discusses the concept of the 'sexual script'—the unspoken guidelines that dictate sexual behavior—and how these scripts are shaped by various influences, including family, community, and media. Rachel further explores the 'pleasure gap' and 'orgasm gap' between heterosexual men and women, revealing that women often experience fewer orgasms due to a lack of understanding and focus on their pleasure. She addresses the normalization of discomfort during sex and the performance pressure women feel, which detracts from their ability to enjoy intimate moments. By redefining what constitutes sex and encouraging open communication about pleasure, Boyle advocates for a more fulfilling sexual experience for women, urging listeners to seek professional help if they encounter pain or discomfort during sex. Chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Women's Sexual Experiences 09:50 The Risks Women Face in Sexual Encounters Takeaways: • 'Many women don't have a pleasure problem; they have a script problem.' • 'The goal is pleasure, not just orgasm.' • 'Sex is not supposed to hurt.' • 'Redefine what counts as sex beyond P in the V.' • 'Most men want their partners to feel good.' Keywords: women's sexual health, pleasure gap, orgasm gap, sexual scripts, intimacy issues, cultural norms, sex therapy, women's pleasure, sexual satisfaction, relationship dynamics

    16 min

  5. JAN 14

    Painful Sex, Dryness, “UTIs,” and Perimenopause: It Might Be GSM

    Summary: In this episode of the Burn the Rulebook podcast, Rachel Boyle discusses the often-overlooked topic of Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM), which can lead to painful sex, dryness, and urinary issues during perimenopause and menopause. She emphasizes the importance of understanding GSM, its impact on intimate relationships, and the need for proper treatment and communication between partners. Rachel provides insights into treatment options, including hormonal and non-hormonal therapies, and encourages women to seek help rather than suffer in silence. Chapters: 00:00 Understanding Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM) 09:33 Navigating Relationships and Intimacy During GSM Takeaways: ● GSM is often misunderstood and can affect relationships. ● Pain during sex is not normal and should be addressed. ● Women often withdraw from intimacy due to pain, leading to relationship issues. ● Communication with partners about discomfort is crucial. ● There are effective treatments for GSM that many women are unaware of. ● Localized estrogen therapy can help rebuild vaginal tissue. ● Pelvic floor therapy can address underlying issues causing pain. ● Women should not feel embarrassed to discuss sexual health concerns. ● The recent removal of the black box warning on estrogen is significant. ● Seeking professional help is essential for improving sexual health. Keywords: genitourinary syndrome, menopause, painful sex, relationship, treatment, intimacy, pelvic floor therapy, estrogen therapy, communication, women's health

    13 min

  6. JAN 7

    Is It Perimenopause…or Undiagnosed ADHD

    Summary:In this episode of the Burn the Rollbook podcast, Rachel Boyle discusses the complex relationship between perimenopause and ADHD, particularly in women. She highlights how hormonal changes during perimenopause can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, leading to challenges in focus, mood, and relationships. The conversation emphasizes the importance of accurate diagnosis and understanding the unique ways ADHD presents in women, as well as practical strategies for managing symptoms and improving relational dynamics during this transitional phase.Chapters:00:00 Understanding the Overlap: Perimenopause and ADHD05:07 Unmasking ADHD in MidlifeTakeaways:• Women often receive later ADHD diagnoses than men.• ADHD symptoms in women can manifest as anxiety and perfectionism.• Perimenopause can unmask previously undiagnosed ADHD.• Hormonal fluctuations impact neurotransmitters and ADHD symptoms.• Sleep disruption is a common complaint during perimenopause.• Understanding capacity shifts can improve relationship dynamics.• Communication with partners is crucial during this transition.• Finding specialists for ADHD and women's health is essential.• Tracking symptoms can help identify patterns and triggers.• Prioritizing sleep hygiene is vital for managing symptoms.Keywords:perimenopause, ADHD, women, diagnosis, hormonal changes, relationships, mental health, coping strategies, neurodivergent, emotional regulation

    14 min

  7. 12/24/2025

    Sleep and Perimenopause

    Summary: In this episode of the Burn the Rule Book podcast, Rachel Boyle discusses the intricate relationship between sleep, perimenopause, and mental health. She explores how hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause disrupt sleep patterns, leading to increased anxiety, mood swings, and relationship challenges. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding these connections and offers practical solutions for improving sleep quality, including seeking hormone therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBTI), and establishing healthy sleep habits. Chapters: 00:00 Understanding Sleep and Perimenopause 02:04 The Impact of Sleep on Mental Health 03:36 Sleep Deprivation and Relationships 06:11 Solutions for Better Sleep 11:42 Establishing Healthy Sleep Habits Takeaways: ● Sleep struggles are common during perimenopause. ● Hormonal fluctuations disrupt sleep cycles significantly. ● Estrogen and progesterone play crucial roles in sleep quality. ● Poor sleep can lead to increased anxiety and depression. ● Mental health and sleep have a bi-directional relationship. ● Sleep deprivation affects relationships negatively. ● Emotional regulation is essential for healthy relationships. ● Finding a trained hormone specialist can help manage symptoms. ● CBTI is an effective treatment for insomnia. ● Establishing a consistent sleep routine is vital for health. Keywords: sleep, perimenopause, mental health, relationships, insomnia, hormone therapy, CBTI, sleep health, anxiety, emotional regulation

    14 min

  8. 12/19/2025

    Perimenopause and Relationship Communication: Why Emotional Changes Trigger Conflict and How to Fix It

    Summary In this episode of the Burn the Rulebook podcast, Rachel Boyle discusses the profound effects of perimenopause on relationship communication. She explores how hormonal shifts lead to emotional changes that can trigger misunderstandings and conflicts between partners. The episode provides insights into identifying conflict patterns, understanding emotional regulation, and offers practical strategies for improving communication and repairing relationships during this transitional phase. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Perimenopause and Its Impact on Relationships 02:30 Emotional Changes and Communication Challenges 05:49 Identifying Conflict Patterns in Relationships 11:26 Strategies for Effective Communication 17:15 Repairing Relationships After Conflict Takeaways ● Perimenopause can lead to increased irritability and miscommunication in relationships. ● Hormonal shifts affect emotional regulation and stress tolerance. ● Old relational patterns may resurface or worsen during perimenopause. ● Identifying conflict patterns can help couples navigate misunderstandings. ● Effective communication involves leading with vulnerability and kindness. ● Recognizing one's stance in a conflict can facilitate resolution. ● Repairing after conflict is crucial for relationship health. ● Couples should work together as problem solvers rather than blaming each other. ● Self-regulation before communication is essential to avoid misunderstandings. ● Perimenopause offers an opportunity for personal and relational growth. Keywords perimenopause, relationship communication, emotional changes, conflict resolution, couples therapy, hormonal shifts, emotional regulation, communication strategies, relationship patterns, midlife transitions

    17 min
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Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected in midlife? You’re not broken—you’re in perimenopause or menopause. I’m Rachel Boyle, licensed therapist and sex therapy specialist, here to help you understand what’s happening to your hormones, mental health, libido, and relationships. Each week, I break down the real impact of menopause, perimenopause, people-pleasing, and emotional labor—plus how to reclaim your sex life, voice, and sanity. Subscribe for honest, therapy-informed episodes made for midlife women.

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