Love and Trauma the Real Deal

Danielle Sebastian
  • 1.0 (1)
  • RELATIONSHIPS

Love and Trauma: The Real Deal is where real talk meets real love. Danielle’s on a mission to explore how trauma messes with adult relationships and to help couples stop the madness with honest, no-BS tools that actually work. Drawing from her own 14-year marriage (yes, she’s been through it), Danielle shows couples how to heal, connect, and—wait for it—thrive together. No sugar-coating, no fluff—just real solutions to the tough stuff. If you’re ready to make your relationship better, tune in. Danielle’s got the tools, the stories, and the sass to get you there. About Your Host: Danielle Sebastian is an expert in identifying and overcoming trauma in relationships. She is the bestselling author of Resilient Wives: A Guide for Wives Supporting Their Husband Through Childhood Trauma Recovery and has helped hundreds of women navigate and repair their relationships while supporting their partners through trauma recovery. She is the founder of WifeCARE and host of the TV show Love and Trauma: The Real Deal, where she explores how trauma affects adult relationships and provides practical, same-day strategies for creating more peace, hope, and happiness. In 2013, Danielle’s marriage hit rock bottom when her husband revealed a painful history of childhood abuse. While this revelation explained their struggles, it didn’t fix them—it sent them on a rollercoaster of emotional highs and devastating lows for the next nine years. She tried everything to bridge the gap between them, only to feel like nothing worked. Determined to find real answers, she discovered that traditional relationship advice fails when deep trauma is involved. Through years of research, she developed her signature "CARE" framework, a practical system that helps couples move from walking on eggshells to healing together. Now, happily married for 14 years and a mother of two, Danielle has dedicated her life to helping women reclaim their peace, happiness, and relationships—proving that love can be stronger than the past. LEARN More About Danielle: https://www.daniellesebastian.com FOLLOW Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniellesebastian_wifecare FREE Download: Survivor's Playbook for Partners: https://www.daniellesebastian.com/survivorsplaybook FREE 1:1 Coaching Call: https://calendly.com/resilientwives/coffee-chat GRAB Danielle's Book: Resilient Wives: https://www.daniellesebastian.com/resilientwivesbook

  1. Why You’re Exhausted: Loving Someone With Trauma Isn’t What You Were Prepared For

    1D AGO

    Why You’re Exhausted: Loving Someone With Trauma Isn’t What You Were Prepared For

    If you’re married to someone who carries childhood trauma, chances are you’re exhausted — emotionally, mentally, and maybe even physically. And yet… you keep wondering why. Why you’re trying so hard and still feel like nothing works. Why it feels like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. Why you’re losing yourself in the process. In this episode, we’re talking about the hidden impact of trauma on marriage — not from a clinical or blaming lens, but from the lived experience of the partner who is trying to hold everything together. We’ll explore: Why loving someone with trauma often feels lonely and confusingHow trauma turns relationships into nervous-system battlegrounds (without either partner meaning to)Why your exhaustion is not a sign that you’re doing it wrongAnd the truth no one tells you about what trauma silently demands from the non-traumatized partner This is part one of a three-part series on trauma, triggers, and the path back to connection — culminating in a powerful conversation with Dr. Kelly Flanagan. If you’ve ever thought, “I love them… but I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” this episode is for you. 🎧 Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode, where we’ll unpack what’s actually happening inside your spouse when things escalate — and why understanding this changes everything.

    21 min
  2. “We Love Each Other, So Why Is This So Hard?”

    JAN 29

    “We Love Each Other, So Why Is This So Hard?”

    “We Love Each Other, So Why Is This So Hard?” Why does the same fight keep happening—no matter how carefully you communicate? If you’ve tried the scripts, the tools, and the “say it better” approach… and still feel stuck, exhausted, or walking on eggshells —this episode is for you. In this recap episode, I’m pulling together the most powerful moments from the last three conversations to explore how trauma and the nervous system shape marriage in ways traditional relationship advice doesn’t account for. You’ll hear: • Why defensiveness, shutdown, and emotional distance aren’t personality flaws • How trauma quietly impacts communication, safety, and connection • What CPTSD can actually look like in marriage—without labels or blame • And why communication tools fail when regulation is missing This episode includes highlights from my conversation with Lisa Marie-Francis Summers, who shares how growing up with an unpredictable parent and navigating painful marriages shaped the way she communicated in relationships. Through her lived experience and healing work, Lisa offers insight into survival mode, boundaries as self-love, and why real change starts when we stop trying to fix the other person and begin understanding ourselves (yes—Ted Lasso makes an appearance). This isn’t about diagnosing your spouse. It’s about clarity. Because when you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, you can stop blaming yourself—and start responding from a steadier place. ✨ If you’ve ever thought, “Why doesn’t this get better even when I try harder?” You’re not imagining it. And you’re not alone. Watch full video: “We Love Each Other, So Why Is This So Hard?”

    37 min
  3. What CPTSD Looks Like in Marriage (and What to Do About It)

    JAN 22

    What CPTSD Looks Like in Marriage (and What to Do About It)

    If your marriage feels like it’s stuck in the same emotional loops—arguments that never fully resolve, closeness followed by distance, or a loneliness you can feel even when you’re together —this episode is for you. In this conversation, we talk about what CPTSD can look like inside a marriage, especially when one or both partners grew up in environments that felt unsafe, unpredictable, or emotionally neglectful. Not in a clinical or diagnostic way—but through real-life patterns that quietly shape connection, conflict, and communication. We explore why traditional relationship advice often falls short when nervous systems are dysregulated, and how repeated stress or trauma can make even loving relationships feel fragile and exhausting. Most importantly, this episode focuses on what actually helps. You’ll learn why safety has to come before strategy, why regulation matters more than “saying it right,” and how to stop carrying all the emotional weight by yourself. This isn’t about blame or labels—it’s about understanding what’s really happening so you can respond with clarity, steadiness, and self-respect. If you’ve been thinking, “I see the patterns… now what?”—this conversation will help you take the next step. Watch full episode: What CPTSD Looks Like in Marriage (and What to Do About It)

    25 min
  4. Why Does He Get So Defensive Over Small Things?

    JAN 15

    Why Does He Get So Defensive Over Small Things?

    If you’ve ever thought, “I wasn’t attacking him… so why did he react like that?”—this episode is for you. For years, I missed the signs in my own marriage. And so did the women I now work with. We thought we were dealing with communication problems, personality differences, or stress. But underneath the defensiveness, the distance, and the constant feeling of walking on eggshells, something deeper was quietly shaping the relationship. In this episode, I share 7 signs my clients and I missed that indicated trauma may have been behind the issues we were facing. Not the obvious signs—these are the subtle patterns that slowly wear you down and leave you questioning yourself. We’ll talk about why trauma doesn’t stay in the past, how it shows up in everyday interactions, and why trying harder often leads to more exhaustion instead of connection. This isn’t about blame or diagnosis. It’s about naming what’s really happening so you can stop carrying all the weight alone and begin moving forward with clarity, compassion, and hope. Watch full clip: Why Does He Get So Defensive Over Small Things?

    29 min
  5. How Trauma Shapes Talks: Thinker, Feeler, Fixer?

    JAN 8

    How Trauma Shapes Talks: Thinker, Feeler, Fixer?

    Miscommunication isn’t just about words—it’s about nervous systems. In this episode, Lisa explains the 7 Life Languages and how trauma can push us into shutdown, conflict, or emotional overload in our closest relationships. Watch full episode: How Trauma Shapes Talks: Thinker, Feeler, Fixer?

    59 min
  6. Create Holiday Peace Now: Overcome Last Year's Hurt

    12/18/2025

    Create Holiday Peace Now: Overcome Last Year's Hurt

    If last year’s holiday hurt is still sitting in your chest, this episode is for you. When your partner carries childhood trauma, the holidays can feel like emotional landmines — shutdowns, tension, overwhelm, and old wounds that show up right when you want connection the most. In this episode, I’ll show you why your body dreads the season, how past holidays keep replaying inside you, and the simple trauma-informed shifts that bring peace back into the present. This isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about finally releasing the weight of it so this year can feel calmer, softer, and safer.✨ You deserve a peaceful holiday. Let’s make this the year it happens. Watch full episode: Create Holiday Peace Now: Overcome Last Year's Hurt

    59 min
  7. The Truth About Holidays + Resentment (No One Talks About This)

    12/11/2025

    The Truth About Holidays + Resentment (No One Talks About This)

    If the holidays leave you carrying the emotional load while your partner shuts down or pulls away, this episode will feel like relief. We’re breaking down why this season triggers old survival patterns, why resentment sneaks in so quietly, and why none of it is your fault. You’ll learn simple, trauma-informed tools to protect your peace, stop taking his reactions personally, and create moments of real connection—even when things feel hard. And these aren’t the fluffy holiday tips you’re used to. These are trauma-informed strategies shared by women who have lived this, breathed this, and found their way back to peace. If you’re tired of doing the holidays alone, this conversation is the hope and clarity you’ve been needing. Watch full episode: The Truth About Holidays + Resentment (No One Talks About This)

    28 min
  8. Recap Episode: The Hidden Pattern Keeping You Stuck (You’ll Finally See It)

    12/04/2025

    Recap Episode: The Hidden Pattern Keeping You Stuck (You’ll Finally See It)

    Recap Episode: The Hidden Pattern Keeping You Stuck (You’ll Finally See It) You’re not imagining the distance. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not the only one carrying more than you can hold. In this recap episode, I’m weaving together: 🌿 my breakdown moment 🌿 the truth about dysregulation 🌿 and my powerful interview with Erin Smith so you can finally see what’s really been happening in your relationship — and how you can change it. This isn’t about blame. It’s about safety. And it starts with understanding your nervous system. Watch full episode: Recap Episode: The Hidden Pattern Keeping You Stuck (You’ll Finally See It)

    43 min
See All (58)

About

Love and Trauma: The Real Deal is where real talk meets real love. Danielle’s on a mission to explore how trauma messes with adult relationships and to help couples stop the madness with honest, no-BS tools that actually work. Drawing from her own 14-year marriage (yes, she’s been through it), Danielle shows couples how to heal, connect, and—wait for it—thrive together. No sugar-coating, no fluff—just real solutions to the tough stuff. If you’re ready to make your relationship better, tune in. Danielle’s got the tools, the stories, and the sass to get you there. About Your Host: Danielle Sebastian is an expert in identifying and overcoming trauma in relationships. She is the bestselling author of Resilient Wives: A Guide for Wives Supporting Their Husband Through Childhood Trauma Recovery and has helped hundreds of women navigate and repair their relationships while supporting their partners through trauma recovery. She is the founder of WifeCARE and host of the TV show Love and Trauma: The Real Deal, where she explores how trauma affects adult relationships and provides practical, same-day strategies for creating more peace, hope, and happiness. In 2013, Danielle’s marriage hit rock bottom when her husband revealed a painful history of childhood abuse. While this revelation explained their struggles, it didn’t fix them—it sent them on a rollercoaster of emotional highs and devastating lows for the next nine years. She tried everything to bridge the gap between them, only to feel like nothing worked. Determined to find real answers, she discovered that traditional relationship advice fails when deep trauma is involved. Through years of research, she developed her signature "CARE" framework, a practical system that helps couples move from walking on eggshells to healing together. Now, happily married for 14 years and a mother of two, Danielle has dedicated her life to helping women reclaim their peace, happiness, and relationships—proving that love can be stronger than the past. LEARN More About Danielle: https://www.daniellesebastian.com FOLLOW Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniellesebastian_wifecare FREE Download: Survivor's Playbook for Partners: https://www.daniellesebastian.com/survivorsplaybook FREE 1:1 Coaching Call: https://calendly.com/resilientwives/coffee-chat GRAB Danielle's Book: Resilient Wives: https://www.daniellesebastian.com/resilientwivesbook

Information