The Messy Middle: Honest Conversations for Black Women About the Things That Matter

Jamila E. Gomez
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  • Self-Improvement
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The Messy Middle is a podcast for Black women exploring how relationships, culture, social expectations, and everyday experiences shape the way we think, live, and relate to one another. The show takes an honest, outspoken look at the issues affecting our lives, the beliefs we question, and the conversations we don't always get to have. From dating and pop culture to identity, personal choices, and social issues, expect thoughtful commentary, candid opinions, and fresh perspectives that challenge assumptions and make room for Black women's voices and experiences.

  1. 1d ago

    How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Staying in a Bad Relationship

    Why do we blame ourselves for staying in relationships that hurt us? Why do we look back at our past choices and wonder why we didn't leave sooner?In this episode of The Messy Middle, we're exploring the weight of relationship regret, the habit of blaming ourselves for past decisions, and the importance of learning to forgive ourselves for what we didn't understand at the time.When you look back on a painful relationship, it's easy to judge your past self with the knowledge and perspective you have today. You might question why you stayed, why you tolerated certain behavior, or why you didn't recognize the signs sooner. But understanding something now doesn't mean you had the same understanding then.Self-compassion means learning to look at your past without using it as a reason to punish yourself. It means acknowledging the choices you wish you'd made differently while recognizing that your past self deserves understanding, too.In this episode, we'll explore how to:- Stop blaming yourself for staying in a bad relationship.- Work through regret about past relationship choices.- Practice self-forgiveness instead of self-criticism.- Stop judging your past self using what you know today.- Make peace with your past and move forward with greater self-compassion.You cannot change the decisions you made in the past, but you can change how you treat yourself when you look back at them.If you've ever wondered, "Why did I stay?" or struggled to forgive yourself for a relationship that caused you pain, this episode is for you.Subscribe to The Messy Middle for honest conversations about self-compassion, personal growth, emotional healing, and learning to navigate life's complicated middle.#SelfCompassion #RelationshipRegret #SelfForgiveness #HealingAfterHeartbreak #personalgrowth 📖 Get 'Rebuilding Life on Your Terms' on Amazon:https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GY9NWXQ3📅 Book a free coaching consultation:https://calendar.app.google/eAnXcxLG1BK25GZN8

    How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Staying in a Bad Relationship

  2. Oct 20

    Stop Apologizing for How You Actually Feel

    Anger, resentment, grief. Most of us learned a long time ago to keep these quiet, to manage them instead of feel them. The problem is that pushing them down doesn't get rid of them. It just buries them somewhere they keep running the show.This is a heavier episode, and it covers a lot: the anger that comes out as tension and short patience instead of noise, the resentment that builds toward people who didn't show up, the grief for things you never got in the first place, why forgiveness pushed too early doesn't feel honest, and how all of it follows you into the decisions you make now.If you've gotten good at being fine, this one's worth sitting with.This conversation comes out of Chapter 8 of my book, Rebuilding Life on Your Terms, titled "Resentment, Anger & Grief."📖 Get 'Rebuilding Life on Your Terms' on Amazon:https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GY9NWXQ3📅 Book a free coaching consultation:https://calendar.app.google/eAnXcxLG1BK25GZN8

    Stop Apologizing for How You Actually Feel

  3. Oct 13

    Tired of Being the Bigger Person? Watch This!

    What if the fences you think are locking you in aren’t even closed? Many of us spend years waiting in emotional waiting rooms, hoping someone will finally hand us the validation, closure, or fairness we feel we earned. But keeping score only drains your momentum. In Episode 7 of The Messy Middle Podcast, we’re having an honest conversation about shedding the invisible rules, confronting the reality of where you are, and taking your first steps forward without waiting for permission. Key Takeaways: Breaking free from the expectation that life owes you a fair tradeRecognizing the self-imposed limits inherited from other people's opinionsPractical ways to ground yourself when frustration takes over🔔 Subscribe to The Messy Middle Podcast for weekly candid reflections on navigating life, work, and personal growth when you're in the thick of it. Let me know your biggest takeaway in the comments! This conversation comes out of Chapter 7 of my book, Rebuilding Life on Your Terms, titled "Control, Acceptance & Reality." 📖 Get 'Rebuilding Life on Your Terms' on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GY9NWXQ3 📅 Book a free coaching consultation: https://calendar.app.google/eAnXcxLG1BK25GZN8

    Tired of Being the Bigger Person? Watch This!

  4. Oct 6

    Why He Turns It Around on You When You Speak Up

    Why does he turn things around on you when you speak up about how he treats you? One minute, you're addressing something he said or did, and the next, you're defending your tone, explaining your intentions, and apologizing for having a problem in the first place.In this episode of The Messy Middle, we're talking about blame-shifting, emotional manipulation, and the pressure Black women face to stay quiet to avoid being labeled angry, difficult, or confrontational. When your partner makes your reaction the problem instead of taking responsibility for his behavior, it can leave you questioning yourself and confusing compliance with peace.It's time to stop making yourself smaller to keep other people comfortable. You can speak up, set boundaries, and stand by what you said without exhausting yourself trying to convince someone to understand you.This episode connects to Chapter 10 of 'Rebuilding Life on Your Terms' called Visibility, Confidence & Expression, where we explore letting go of the need to be palatable and finding the courage to speak even when others might misunderstand you.Subscribe for more conversations about relationships, boundaries, self-expression, and what it means to live life on your terms.📖 Get 'Rebuilding Life on Your Terms' on Amazon:https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GY9NWXQ3📅 Book a free coaching consultation:https://calendar.app.google/eAnXcxLG1BK25GZN8

    Why He Turns It Around on You When You Speak Up

  5. Oct 6

    Starting Over When You’re Scared: How to Finally Choose

    Leaving what’s comfortable is terrifying, but outgrowing a season of your life and refusing to move is exhausting. We often tell ourselves we just need more time, more advice, or more clarity—when in reality, we’re waiting for the fear to vanish before taking the leap. In this episode of The Messy Middle Podcast, we confront the reality of big life pivots: why certainty is rarely part of the process, how staying stagnant drains your energy, and how to build self-trust by moving before you feel 100% ready. If you’re at a crossroads in your career, relationships, or personal growth and fear is keeping your feet glued to the floor, this conversation will help you take the first real step. This conversation comes out of Chapter 6 of my book, Rebuilding Life on Your Terms, titled "Decision-Making & Agency." 📖 Get 'Rebuilding Life on Your Terms' on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GY9NWXQ3 📅 Book a free coaching consultation: https://calendar.app.google/eAnXcxLG1BK25GZN8 💬 Join the Conversation: What is one decision or pivot you've been putting off because you're waiting to feel completely ready? Let's talk about it in the comments below. Subscribe to The Messy Middle Podcast for weekly conversations on navigating life transitions, overcoming self-doubt, and trusting yourself through the unknown. #TheMessyMiddle #LifeTransitions #SelfTrust #StartingOver #DecisionParalysis

    Starting Over When You’re Scared: How to Finally Choose

  6. Sep 29

    When Healing Costs You Your Friends

    Have you ever started healing, setting boundaries, and choosing yourself—only to look around and realize your circle got smaller?In this episode of The Messy Middle Podcast, we’re talking about the unspoken, lonely cost of personal growth: outgrowing friendships and spaces you used to fit into. When you stop playing the old role, who actually stays?If you’ve felt the grief and quiet guilt of walking away from connections that no longer align with the woman you’re becoming, this conversation is for you.💬 Let's talk in the comments: Have you lost friendships as you started healing? How did you navigate the grief that came with it?🎧 Subscribe to The Messy Middle Podcast for honest conversations on personal growth, midlife transitions, and choosing yourself unapologetically.#TheMessyMiddle #PersonalGrowth #FriendshipBreakups #HealingJourney #BlackWomenHealing

    When Healing Costs You Your Friends

  7. Sep 22

    Why Standing on Business Feels So Uncomfortable

    Setting the boundary isn’t the hardest part—it’s what happens inside of you right after you say it. If you’ve ever said no, declined an invite, or stopped setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm, only to immediately replay the conversation asking, "Was I too harsh?"—this episode is for you. In this episode of The Messy Middle Podcast, we unpack why guilt shows up every time you prioritize yourself, why unfamiliarity feels like an error to your nervous system, and how to stand ten toes down on your decisions without rushing to smooth things over. In this episode, we talk about: - The Aftermath of a Boundary: Why the hardest part isn't the words you say, but the shift in relationship dynamics that follows. - The People-Pleasing Pullback: How years of being the "reliable one" conditioned you to treat tension like a problem you have to fix. - Reframing Guilt: Why guilt isn't proof that you did something wrong—it's just proof you did something unfamiliar. - Rebuilding Self-Trust: How leaving your boundary standing (even while uncomfortable) robs guilt of its authority. Resources & Next Steps: 📖 Grab My Book:Dive deeper into Chapter 4 (Boundaries, Voice, and Self-Trust) of Rebuilding Life on Your Terms on Amazon:👉 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GY9NWXQ3 ✨ Work With Me 1-on-1: Tired of setting boundaries only to talk yourself out of them? If you want steady support learning how to hold the line, apply for a free private coaching consultation:👉 https://calendar.app.google/eAnXcxLG1BK25GZN8 Remember: The goal was never to stop feeling guilty. The goal is to stop letting guilt make your decisions for you. Protect your peace, and stand on business. Subscribe to The Messy Middle Podcast for weekly conversations on untangling personal growth, honest boundaries, and self-trust.

    Why Standing on Business Feels So Uncomfortable

  8. Sep 15

    Black Women Are Allowed to Fall Apart, Too

    How many times have you replied “I’m good” when you were actually hanging by a thread?For so many Black women, being the “strong one” isn’t just a personality trait—it’s a survival reflex. We carry everyone else’s burdens, manage the crisis, keep our composure, and convince ourselves that needing help is a liability. But constant resilience comes at an exhausting cost.In this episode of The Messy Middle, we’re setting that weight down. We talk about the physical and emotional toll of the “strong Black woman” narrative, why admitting you’re not okay feels so unsafe, and how to finally give yourself permission to stop performing and simply breathe.You do not have to hold everything together. You are allowed to fall apart, too.In this episode, we unpack:• The reflex of saying “I’m fine” when you’re overwhelmed• The cultural pressure and cost of being everyone's anchor• Why asking for support triggers guilt or fear• Practical ways to drop the armor and let people show up for youDrop a comment below: What is one expectation or burden you’re ready to put down this week?Subscribe to The Messy Middle for honest conversations on healing, unlearning, and navigating life’s in-between seasons.#TheMessyMiddle #MentalHealth #Vulnerability #SelfCare #EmotionalWellness

    Black Women Are Allowed to Fall Apart, Too
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About

The Messy Middle is a podcast for Black women exploring how relationships, culture, social expectations, and everyday experiences shape the way we think, live, and relate to one another. The show takes an honest, outspoken look at the issues affecting our lives, the beliefs we question, and the conversations we don't always get to have. From dating and pop culture to identity, personal choices, and social issues, expect thoughtful commentary, candid opinions, and fresh perspectives that challenge assumptions and make room for Black women's voices and experiences.

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