Back Porch Btchn Podcast

Patryck
  • 5.0 (9)
  • Comedy Interviews
  • Updated Weekly

A Southern conversational podcast hosted by Patryck that blends southern charm with honesty about life, mental health, dating, and modern culture. Each episode features "Porch Mail: Y'all's Bitching" where listeners submit complaints for Patryck to validate and expand on, followed by deep dives into topics like personal growth, gay dating in small communities, social media toxicity, and the messy reality of being human. With his signature mix of self-deprecating humor and genuine insight, Patryck creates a space for authentic conversations that make listeners feel seen.

  1. 3d ago

    No Urns on the First Date

    Dating in Richmond is hard enough without outdated profile pictures, questionable footwear, Busch Gardens propositions, and men who apparently think an urn is appropriate first-date conversation. This week, Patryck is diving into the red flags, contradictions, and absolute chaos of modern dating—from Richmond's seemingly same ten gay men to the unforgettable date involving a stolen phone, a naked man, a live snake, and the cremated remains of a cat. But underneath the bitching is a bigger question: How do you keep giving people grace when you've worked hard on yourself and keep hitting dead ends? Dating is hard. Friendship is hard. Being an adult and maintaining relationships is hard. We're all doing this for the first time—and maybe we could stand to give each other a little grace. Yes, that's rich coming from a man spending an episode bitching about everybody. Guess what? It's entertainment. Pull up a chair. And for the love of God, no urns on the first date. 🌿🎙️

    No Urns on the First Date

  2. Sep 17

    Covered Dish, Covered Grave

    Someone died and the South showed up - with casseroles, commentary, and absolutely zero chill. 🫕⚰️ This week Patryck is breaking down Southern funeral culture in all its predictable, butter-soaked, community-driven glory. The women are inside collecting grief AND intelligence ("Little Tucker's been in and out of the pen again"). The men are outside already appraising the truck and quietly plotting to get that boat. Someone showed up with the wrong dish IN A DISPOSABLE TRAY when she has a perfectly good casserole dish at home. And someone's nephew is about to inherit something he absolutely should not. We're talking:⚰️ The Logistics Operator - the unsung hero who stocked the tissues, refilled the ice, and directed the chicken nugget delivery to the kids👖 Funeral jeans paired with a black blazer (we all have a pair)🎵 The funeral music playlist that never changes and makes you cry before a word is spoken🥔 Funeral potatoes - cornflake topping and absolutely no apologies📖 Why the guest book matters more at a funeral than a wedding🦅 The out-of-towners who swooped in, ate the food, and disappeared the moment that grave was covered The bottom line: Southern funerals are miracles. They're one step below a wedding, except you cry more, eat just as much, and pull it together in under a week. Don't be Carol. Bring a real dish. Link in bio 🎧 #BackPorchBitching #SouthernFunerals #CoveredDishCoveredGrave #SouthernCulture #FuneralPotatoes #PodcastLife #SouthernHumor #ComedyPodcast #RealTalk

    Covered Dish, Covered Grave

  3. Sep 2 ·  Bonus

    BONUS: Boot Scootin' Btchn'

    BONUS EPISODE: Boot Scootin' Btchn' No Porch Mail this time — just a front-porch deep dive into 90s country with special guest Michelle - all the way from Hawaii!! From Garth Brooks to Reba, Patty Loveless to Shania Twain, we're running through the legends who defined the decade with favorite songs, underrated deep cuts, a few unexpected tears, and hot takes you didn't ask for but definitely needed. We close it out with a heartfelt tribute to the woman who paved the way for all of them: Dolly Parton. Grab a drink, get comfortable, and come sit on the porch with us.

    BONUS: Boot Scootin' Btchn'

  4. Aug 26

    Dating Continued - The Pool Didn't Get Any Bigger, Y'all

    Dating hasn't gotten any easier, and Patryck is back to prove it. After taking a much-needed break to focus on his mental health and self-discovery, Patryck returns to the dating conversation with a smaller list of tolerables, higher standards, and a LOT of stories from his time "just peeking" at the apps. This episode covers: The dating pool situation - specifically how the gay dating pool in Richmond currently resembles the Reflecting Pool in Washington DC. Stagnant, murky, green around the edges, and it would take more than a gully washer to clean it out. The Valentine's Day Ghost Phenomenon - three people resurfaced after months and years of silence. One after three months, one after six, and one after TWO YEARS. Patryck has a message for all of them and anyone considering the same move: you are a priority, not an option. Don't pull bald-headed-ho behavior and expect a warm welcome. The Guy of Two Years - popped back up claiming to be changed and improved, only to revert to his old self the moment he was held accountable. Blocked. Be gone. The Playboy - charming, attractive, toxic, and blessed in the posterior department. Boundaries have been set. They will be maintained. Mostly. The reality of modern dating - copy and paste conversations, people with six people "on deck," dating profiles full of group photos, and a pool that keeps getting younger. How are you supposed to date someone who wasn't alive during 9/11? Porch Mail: Group photos on dating profiles and people who say "DA" instead of "THE." Also - do NOT call Patryck "unc." The takeaway: Your shrinking list of tolerables isn't a problem - it's growth. You know yourself better than you did before. Standards aren't too high. You're a priority, not an option. And sometimes you just have to cue Reba and keep it moving. "I'm a SURVIVOR. Reba's version. We're Southern."

    Dating Continued - The Pool Didn't Get Any Bigger, Y'all

  5. Aug 19

    Southern Doesn't Equal Ignorant

    "Southern Doesn't Equal Ignorant" We're BACK and Patryck is coming out swinging in the Season 2 premiere! After surviving the holidays, an ice storm, work travel, and allergies that almost took him out, Patryck is back on the porch and ready to defend Southern dialect against everyone who's ever assumed a drawl means dumb. This week:Ever heard "gooder'n snuff, not near as dusty?" How about "full as a tick" or "drunker than Cooter Brown?" Patryck breaks down the rich, colorful, and completely unhinged world of Southern sayings - and makes the case that the smartest people he knows say the wildest things. Porch Mail covers: Why the word "BOSS" needs to retire immediately, and a SHOCKING personal update about Stonewall Sports that longtime listeners will NOT see coming. Season 2 preview: Midwest Nice, catalytic converter theft, CEO at FULL TIME MOM, and Crocs vs Hey Dudes. Buckle up. The takeaway: Don't judge a book by its cover, its accent, or its colorful phrases. Different doesn't mean less than. Also - cattywampus is a real word and you should use it today. "The smartest person in the room might just be the one with the strongest drawl."

    Southern Doesn't Equal Ignorant

  6. 12/24/2025

    Season Finale: Christmas, Chaos and Consumerism

    The Final Episode of Season 1 - A Christmas Special About Capitalism, Family Dysfunction, and Why You're Doing This to Yourself. In the uproarious season finale of Back Porch Bitching, host Patryck wraps up the year with laughs, rants, and enough holiday chaos to fill Santa's sleigh. Kicking off with a heartfelt shoutout to fans and guests, he dives into the absurdity of holiday spending and the infamous family gatherings. Patryck hilariously critiques the insane amounts of money dropped on gifts we don’t really want to give, all while painting a vivid picture of Aunt Jean waddling in with her dessert and a questionable leg ulcer, alongside Uncle Terry endlessly droning about football. Seriously, nobody asked for a recap of his church softball team's ejections! While cracking jokes about holiday consumerism and bizarre family dynamics, Patryck also tackles the deeper stuff—like loneliness during the holidays—because life isn’t all eggnog and tinsel. He encourages listeners to set boundaries and prioritize their own peace instead of falling into the holiday trap of obligation. As he signs off, Patryck promises bonus episodes might drop if he gets bored enough, leaving everyone with a hearty "Merry Christmas!" and a reminder to cherish the chaos that comes with family and festive food—just maybe avoid Aunt Jean's homemade candy. Here’s to a wild ride as we look forward to Season 2!

  7. 12/10/2025

    Flashers On, Brains Off - A Holiday Survival Guide

    Episode 14: Flashers On, Brains Off - A Holiday Survival Guide Patryck is BACK after battling a respiratory infection (survived COVID and the holidays only to get taken out by a basic cold) and he's got THOUGHTS about the holiday season. This week's chaos: Snow Drama: People who can't drive in snow but insist on going 3 mph with flashers on, plus essential workers risking their lives while others work from their couch in pajamas (sit DOWN) Porch Mail delivers: The Starbucks bear cup frenzy that had people FIGHTING and flipping them on eBay (Patryck's bitter he didn't get one)Brenda texting out of nowhere with buck-toothed Bobby's Christmas list: PlayStation 5, Tecovas boots, and cash for granddaddy's Chevy. Bobby is 8.Main Topic - Holiday Season Chaos: The weird Thanksgiving-to-Christmas transition where money flies out the window "like meth on payday," work becomes completely useless from Thanksgiving to January ("let's circle back after the first of the year"), and everyone's pretending they like their coworkers at Christmas parties. Cookie swaps from questionable kitchens (chocolate chips or diaper flecks?), fighting Bethany at Target at 6 AM, buying $50 candles for Janet who you hide from in bathroom stalls, and drunk girls dry humping Santa statues while butchering Mariah Carey. The real talk: We're all barely holding it together with tinsel and prescription medication, chasing those tiny moments of actual magic through the chaos. One more episode left in Season 1! The holidays: Where we financially ruin ourselves for people we wouldn't piss on if they were on fire the other eleven months of the year.

  8. 11/26/2025

    Turkey, Trauma, and Aunt Jean's Diabetic Toe

    Y'all Better Sit Down for This One: Episode 13 Thanksgiving Special Honey, Patryck is serving up a Thanksgiving survival guide hotter than a deep fryer in someone's driveway (don't do that, by the way - you'll burn your whole house down). What you're getting into: This episode is your field guide to surviving Thanksgiving with your sanity mostly intact. We're talking about the whole blessed mess - from work potlucks where you don't trust nobody's kitchen, to that one aunt who's been "roommates" with Linda for 27 years (bless their hearts, we love them), to your cousin who never got over that knee injury and won't shut up about football. Patryck's laying down the law on Southern Thanksgiving: cornbread dressing is superior, PEE-CANS (not PEE-KANS) and marshmallows are mandatory on sweet potato casserole, and if you show up with boxed mac and cheese, you might as well just turn around and go home. We're also addressing the drunk uncle on the side-by-side, Aunt Jean showing everyone her diabetic toe pictures, and why that green gelatin salad from up North needs to stay up North where it belongs. But here's the real talk: As chaotic and messy as Thanksgiving is, cherish it. Not everyone's got a table to sit at. Not everyone's got people - crazy as they may be - to share a meal with. Whether it's blood family or chosen family, be grateful for the folks who show up. So grab your stretchy pants, hide some mini bottles in your pockets for when the political talk starts, and remember - the chaos is what makes the memories. #BackPorchBitching #ThanksgivingEpisode #HolidayChaos #ThanksgivingHumor #FamilyDrama #PodcastLife #HolidayPodcast #ThanksgivingSpecial #ComedyPodcast #SouthernThanksgiving

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5
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

A Southern conversational podcast hosted by Patryck that blends southern charm with honesty about life, mental health, dating, and modern culture. Each episode features "Porch Mail: Y'all's Bitching" where listeners submit complaints for Patryck to validate and expand on, followed by deep dives into topics like personal growth, gay dating in small communities, social media toxicity, and the messy reality of being human. With his signature mix of self-deprecating humor and genuine insight, Patryck creates a space for authentic conversations that make listeners feel seen.

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