Quietly Autistic at Last

Dr. Allison Sucamele
  • 5.0 (1)
  • MENTAL HEALTH

Quietly Autistic at LastA podcast for the women who were always "a little different"—but never had the words for why. Hosted by Dr. Allison Sucamele, a woman diagnosed with autism later in life, this podcast explores the quiet, often-overlooked experiences of neurodivergent women who spent years—sometimes decades—masked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed. Each episode is a gentle unraveling of what it means to be quietly autistic at last: the grief of being missed, the relief of being named, the power of self-recognition, and the beauty of finally feeling seen. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or just beginning to wonder… this space is for you. Tender truths, lived stories, unmasking, and self-compassion—one quiet conversation at a time.

  1. 14H AGO

    # 18 - Why Neurodivergent People Thrive in Environments That Question Tradition

    Send us a text What if the problem was never your brain but the environment asking it to pretend? In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we explore why many neurodivergent people thrive in spaces that question tradition rather than worship it. This isn’t about being rebellious or “difficult.” It’s about cognitive integrity, nervous system safety, and a deep need for meaning, ethics, and logic. We unpack how unexamined rules in schools, workplaces, families, and even mental-health spaces often prioritize compliance, hierarchy, and performance - while quietly punishing curiosity. Drawing from psychology, neuroscience, and lived experience, this episode explains why autistic and ADHD brains are less driven by social consensus and more by internal consistency, fairness, and truth. Resources mentioned Unmasking Autism by Devon PriceWritings by Dora RaymakerCommunity perspectives from Autistic Self Advocacy Network and NeuroClasticIf you’ve always felt more alive in spaces that explore, revise, and reimagine - this episode is for you. Your wiring for truth over tradition isn’t a flaw. It’s a contribution. Support note: If this conversation brings up distress, help is available. In the U.S., call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., local crisis services or healthcare providers can help you find support. This podcast is for education and reflection and is not a substitute for therapy or medical care. Thank you for questioning, and for choosing environments (and inner narratives) that make room for your truth. Follow along on Instagram: ✨ @quietlyautisticatlastpodcast ✨ @thelemontreecoaching For reflections, visuals, episode quotes, and ongoing conversations about neurodivergence, nervous system safety, and living more honestly - both inwardly and outwardly. 🌱

    13 min

  2. DEC 23

    # 17 - Why “High-Functioning” Misses the Point - Especially for Late-Diagnosed Women

    Send us a text “You’re so high-functioning.” It’s a phrase many late-diagnosed autistic women hear when they finally share their diagnosis - often offered as reassurance, praise, or disbelief. And almost always, it misses the point. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we unpack why the term high-functioning doesn’t just fall short, it actively obscures the lived reality of autistic women diagnosed later in life. We explore the psychology beneath the label, including masking, nervous system survival, grief, identity, and why appearing “fine” often comes at an invisible cost. Drawing on research around autistic burnout, camouflaging, minority stress, the Double Empathy Problem, and Polyvagal Theory, this episode reframes functioning labels for what they really measure: not wellbeing, but how much pain someone can carry without making others uncomfortable. This conversation is honest, affirming, and grounded in both lived experience and science - a reminder that competence does not cancel need, and survival is not the same as thriving. References & Further Reading Unmasking Autism – Devon PriceDivergent Mind – Jenara NerenbergRaymaker et al. (AASPIRE): Research on autistic burnoutHull et al.: Studies on masking and camouflaging in autistic womenMilton, D.: The Double Empathy ProblemBotha, M.: Minority stress in autistic adultsStephen Porges: Polyvagal TheoryNational Autistic Society: Why functioning labels are harmfulAutism-Affirming Resources National Autistic Society (UK): https://www.autism.org.uk Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN): https://autisticadvocacy.org AASPIRE (Academic Autism Spectrum Partnership in Research and Education): https://aaspire.org Embrace Autism: https://embrace-autism.com Mental Health Resources If this episode brings up distress, grief, or overwhelm, support is available: U.S. & Canada: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)UK & ROI: Samaritans – 116 123Australia: Lifeline – 13 11 14Or visit: https://findahelpline.com for global supportBrief Disclaimer Autism is experienced differently by every individual. The perspectives shared in this episode reflect one autistic lived experience and interpretation of research, not a universal autistic narrative. Listening with curiosity and self-compassion is encouraged.

    12 min

  3. DEC 16

    # 16 - Your Spoons Are Telling the Truth

    Send us a text Spoon Theory is often explained as a simple metaphor for limited energy, but for autistic adults, especially late-identified autistic women, it’s far more than that. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we slow Spoon Theory down and return it to the body. We explore how spoons actually live in autistic nervous systems through sensory processing, masking, emotional regulation, burnout, predictability, and self-trust. Through an autistic lens, we talk about why exhaustion is so often mistaken for personal failure, how masking quietly burns through spoons, why sleep alone doesn’t always restore energy, and how autistic burnout is not caused by poor planning, but by long-term nervous-system overload in environments not built for us. This episode gently shifts the question from “How many spoons do I have today?” to “What does my nervous system need before I spend the ones I have?” Because having fewer spoons is not a character flaw. It’s your body telling the truth. 🔗 Related Resources & Further Listening / Reading Christine Miserandino – The Spoon Theory https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ Dr. Devon Price – Unmasking Autism https://www.devonpricephd.com/unmasking-autism Dr. Dora Raymaker – Research on Autistic Burnout https://autisticburnout.com https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/ Dr. Damian Milton – Double Empathy & Autistic Scholarship https://damianmilton.co.uk/ Dr. Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory https://www.stephenporges.com/ Quietly Autistic at Last Podcast (Add your show link here)🧠 Gentle Disclaimer & Mental Health Resources This episode reflects lived autistic experience and current psychological research, but it is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic care. Autism is a spectrum, and experiences of energy, burnout, and regulation vary widely among individuals. If this conversation brings up distress, overwhelm, or feelings of crisis, please reach out for support. In the United States, you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, for free, confidential support 24/7. If you are outside the U.S., please check your local crisis resources or emergency services. You deserve care, understanding, and support.

    19 min

  4. DEC 9

    # 15 - Why the Holidays Can Exacerbate Autistic Traits in Women

    Send us a text Why do the holidays -this supposedly magical, sparkling, joy-filled season - feel so overwhelming, so intense, and so deeply dysregulating? And why do autistic traits seem to get louder, sharper, and more noticeable than ever? If you’ve ever wondered why the holidays don’t feel like the commercials… If you dread the calendar flipping to November… and then December… If you feel like you need a month-long sensory sabbatical once January arrives… You’re not broken. You’re not dramatic. You’re not “bad at the holidays.” You’re autistic. And your body is giving you information. In this validating, gentle, psychology-rich episode, we’re slowing down, breathing together, and naming the neurological, emotional, and sensory realities that make this season uniquely challenging for autistic women. You’ll hear compassionate insight and clear language for experiences you’ve always felt but may not have known how to articulate. We’ll explore: • Sensory overwhelm and seasonal overstimulation • Masking pressure around extended family • The performance of holiday cheer and social expectations • Changes to routine, schedule, diet, and sleep • Old trauma patterns triggered by family systems • Internalized expectations of being the “good girl” or emotional caregiver • Why autistic burnout hits so much harder in December • And how to create a holiday season that supports your nervous system instead of crushing it This episode isn’t about forcing yourself to tolerate more. It’s about finally understanding why this season feels the way it does - and learning how to honor your needs without apology. So take a breath. Get cozy - maybe with soft lighting, warm blankets, a little sensory sanctuary of your own, and settle in. By the end of this conversation, I hope something inside you exhales. I hope you feel seen. I hope you feel less alone. And I hope you realize you deserve a holiday that fits you - not one you have to survive. If this episode resonates, come join our community on Instagram @quietlyautisticatlast for more gentle insights and sensory-honoring reflections. And if you love the psychological depth and emotional softness here, you’ll also adore my sister show, The Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast - a warm, soul-centered space for healing, boundaries, nervous system wisdom, and becoming who you were always meant to be. ✨ Listen anywhere you get your podcasts. You deserve a season that supports your nervous system, not one that overwhelms it.

    17 min

  5. DEC 2

    # 14 - Why Travel Feels So Hard for Autistic Women: Anxiety, Separation, & the Nervous System

    Send us a text Today’s episode explores something many late-diagnosed autistic women carry quietly and often alone: the intense stress, dread, and nervous-system-level anxiety that comes with travel, and the fear that rises even when someone else is traveling. Not just “I don’t love airports” discomfort, but the full-body tension that starts weeks before a trip… or the spiraling panic when a partner, child, or loved one gets on a plane and suddenly feels too far away. If travel has ever left you overstimulated, ashamed, exhausted, or hypervigilant, this episode is for you. We’ll unpack why travel hits autistic nervous systems so intensely, including the roles of sensory processing differences, intolerance of uncertainty, attachment patterns, executive functioning, and the mental “movies” our brains create when someone we love is in transit. You’ll also learn practical, science-backed tools to make travel, or someone else’s travel, feel safer, more predictable, and more manageable for your beautifully wired brain.  Gentle strategies, realistic supports, and compassionate reframes included. Quick Safety Note: This podcast is for education and self-reflection only and isn’t a substitute for professional mental-health treatment, diagnosis, or therapy. Every autistic brain is different. Please take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and reach out to a qualified professional if you need more support. If you’re in immediate distress or experiencing thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help. In the U.S., call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., please contact your local crisis line or emergency services. You are never a burden for needing support. References  Intolerance of Uncertainty and Anxiety (but not Alexithymia) Mediate the Association Between Autistic Traits and Quality of Life Towards a Treatment for Intolerance of Uncertainty for Autistic Adults: A Single Case Experimental Design Study The Connection Between Autism and Anxiety Disorders Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders Preference for Order, Predictability or Routine Why Changes In Routine Is Hard For Autistic People Attachment and Autism Spectrum Disorder (Without Intellectual Disability) During Middle Childhood: In Search of the Missing Piece Adult separation anxiety: Causes, symptoms, and treatment Understanding and Managing Separation Anxiety in Adults with Autism

    25 min

  6. NOV 25

    # 13 - Being Organized Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Hard to Stay Organized

    Send us a text Being organized doesn’t mean it’s easy to stay organized—and no, that’s not a moral failing. For many autistic women, it’s a neurological reality. In this deeply validating episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we explore what it really means to live in a world that praises “looking put together” while overlooking the invisible labor it takes to maintain that appearance. From executive functioning differences to working memory overload, autistic burnout, masking, and the emotional history many late-diagnosed women carry, this conversation brings science and self-compassion together. We break down: • Why “You seem organized!” often hides a thousand unseen steps • The executive functioning research behind task initiation, switching, and planning • How masking turns organization into survival, not preference • Why systems collapse—and why that’s information, not failure • The emotional layer: safety, shame spirals, old wounds, and self-protection • Evidence-based strategies that actually work for autistic brains • Micro-organization, color-coding, body doubling, and choosing the lowest-energy system • The neuroscience of dopamine, motivation, and why organization feels great… until it doesn’t This episode is a reminder that struggling to maintain organization is not a flaw—it’s a sign that your brain has been working overtime in a world not built for it. And you deserve systems that support you, not shame you. If you’re a late-diagnosed autistic woman who has ever wondered, “Why is staying organized so exhausting for me?”—this one is for you. As always, this podcast reflects one autistic perspective. And if you’re overwhelmed or in crisis, please reach out to 988 for support.

    20 min

  7. NOV 18

    # 12 - Asking for Accommodations vs. Making Excuses: Reclaiming Your Needs Without Apology

    Send us a text Today’s episode explores a topic many of you have been asking for: the difference between asking for accommodations and “making excuses,” why these requests feel so vulnerable for autistic women, and how to finally release the fear of being misunderstood. We talk about the early conditioning that taught so many of us to mask, overachieve, and never “need too much,” and why accommodations can feel like failure even when they’re essential. You’ll also hear how psychology, nervous system research, and the neurodiversity movement can help us rethink the stories we’ve been told about our needs—and reclaim a more compassionate, empowered way of advocating for ourselves. If you struggle with shame, self-doubt, or the worry that others will judge your needs, this episode is a soft place to land. Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you or someone you know is in crisis or thinking about self-harm, please call or text 988 for support.

    13 min

  8. NOV 11

    # 11 - Autumn Clarity: Letting Old Versions Fall Away

    Send us a text This episode is a quiet meditation on change — the kind that doesn’t always feel exciting or triumphant, but necessary. We’ll explore how autistic and sensitive nervous systems experience emotional and seasonal transitions, the neuroscience behind letting go, and the psychology of identity shifts. Drawing from thinkers like Robert Kegan, Brené Brown, Lisa Feldman Barrett, and Stephen Porges, we’ll look at why release often feels like grief before it feels like freedom — and how the body knows when it’s time to stop performing and start existing. You’ll learn how neural pruning mirrors emotional shedding, how safety cues help the nervous system unmask, and how autumn itself becomes a teacher in surrender. Through reflection, science, and sensory wisdom, we’ll uncover what it means to let outdated roles, identities, and coping strategies fall away — gently, and in their own time. If you’ve been feeling the quiet pull to rest, simplify, or redefine who you are, this episode will remind you: letting go isn’t failure. It’s biology. It’s clarity. It’s the moment your nervous system finally exhales. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts, and connect with our community on Instagram @quietlyautisticatlastpodcast .

    14 min
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Quietly Autistic at LastA podcast for the women who were always "a little different"—but never had the words for why. Hosted by Dr. Allison Sucamele, a woman diagnosed with autism later in life, this podcast explores the quiet, often-overlooked experiences of neurodivergent women who spent years—sometimes decades—masked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed. Each episode is a gentle unraveling of what it means to be quietly autistic at last: the grief of being missed, the relief of being named, the power of self-recognition, and the beauty of finally feeling seen. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or just beginning to wonder… this space is for you. Tender truths, lived stories, unmasking, and self-compassion—one quiet conversation at a time.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Allison Sucamele
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    19
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2025 Quietly Autistic at Last
  • Show Website
    Quietly Autistic at Last