Quietly Autistic at Last

Dr. Allison Sucamele
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  • MENTAL HEALTH

Quietly Autistic at LastA podcast for the women who were always "a little different"—but never had the words for why. Hosted by Dr. Allison Sucamele, a woman diagnosed with autism later in life, this podcast explores the quiet, often-overlooked experiences of neurodivergent women who spent years—sometimes decades—masked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed. Each episode is a gentle unraveling of what it means to be quietly autistic at last: the grief of being missed, the relief of being named, the power of self-recognition, and the beauty of finally feeling seen. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or just beginning to wonder… this space is for you. Tender truths, lived stories, unmasking, and self-compassion—one quiet conversation at a time.

  1. 4D AGO

    # 23 - The Cost of Mislabeling Autistic Burnout as Depression

    Send us a text So many late-diagnosed autistic women were told they were depressed when what they were actually experiencing was burnout. In this episode, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores why autistic burnout is so often misdiagnosed as depression in women who spent decades masking, overriding their nervous systems, and performing competence at an enormous internal cost. We unpack the critical differences between mood collapse and capacity collapse, why traditional diagnostic frameworks miss autistic burnout, and how mislabeling it can lead to ineffective, and sometimes harmful treatment. This conversation isn’t about rejecting mental health care. It’s about naming the right experience so the care can finally fit. If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t feel sad the way depression is described. I feel empty, flattened, incapable, or shut down,” this episode is for you. Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care. If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or feel unsafe, please seek immediate support. In the United States, you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., please consult your local emergency resources.

    10 min

  2. JAN 27

    # 22 - Not Reckless, Regulating: Autism, Adrenaline, & the Lives We Lived Before Diagnosis

    Send us a text Why did so many late-diagnosed autistic women chase intensity when they were younger? In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores the often-unspoken connection between autism, dopamine, masking, trauma overlap, and adrenaline-seeking behavior. From chaotic relationships and high-pressure environments to emotional intensity and living at the edge of burnout, this conversation gently reframes behaviors that were long misunderstood. This episode isn’t about judging your past or pathologizing who you were before diagnosis. It’s about understanding how an unrecognized autistic nervous system learned to regulate in the only ways available at the time. With compassion, neuroscience, and lived experience, this episode offers relief from shame and a new lens for self-forgiveness. If you’ve ever asked yourself, Why was I like that?  - this episode may finally give you an answer rooted in understanding, not blame. 🧠 Autism Resources If you’re seeking further understanding or support, the following organizations offer reliable information and community resources: Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) – https://autisticadvocacy.org Autism Society – https://autismsociety.org NeuroClastic (autistic-led publication) – https://neuroclastic.com National Autism Association – https://nationalautismassociation.org 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) – Call or text 988 if you are in emotional distress or crisis(If you are outside the U.S., local crisis lines can be found through your country’s public health services.) ⚠️ Brief Disclaimer This podcast is for educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health care. Autism exists on a wide spectrum, and individual experiences vary greatly. The perspectives shared reflect one lens and are not intended to represent all autistic people. If you need personalized support, please consult a qualified professional.

    11 min

  3. JAN 20

    # 21 - Micromanaged: Why the Autistic Brain Shuts Down Under Control

    Send us a text Have you ever felt like someone was constantly watching you - hovering, correcting, checking, managing - not because you were doing anything wrong, but because they needed control to feel calm? In today’s episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores what micromanagement does to the autistic brain - and why it can feel so much deeper than “just a tough boss” or “normal feedback.”  For autistic women especially - micromanagement can be neurologically destabilizing, triggering shutdown, freeze, burnout, masking, perfectionism, people-pleasing, rage, dissociation, and even physical symptoms. We break down: what micromanagement really is (and how to tell the difference between support vs. control)why constant monitoring disrupts autistic cognition and regulationthe “monitored performance” freeze response and the self-fulfilling loop it createspractical tools and scripts to protect your autonomy and nervous system in real-life environmentsBecause autistic minds don’t thrive under surveillance. They thrive under clarity, trust, and autonomy. Follow the pod on Instagram @quietlyautisticatlastpodcast

    16 min

  4. JAN 14

    # 20 - I’m Not Arguing, I’m Clarifying: When Needing Details Gets Misread

    Send us a text Have you ever asked for clarification - only to be hit with, “Why are you arguing with me?” If you’re autistic, you may know this moment intimately: you’re not trying to fight, you’re trying to understand. You’re trying to follow the rules, do it right, and make sense of vague language that feels destabilizing to your nervous system. But instead of being met with clarity, you’re met with defensiveness, accusation, and shame. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we unpack the psychology behind why autistic requests for details so often get misread as confrontation. We’ll explore autistic precision vs. neurotypical emotional subtext, the double empathy problem, tone perception, nervous system dysregulation, and why being repeatedly misinterpreted can create deep communication trauma - and even lead to shutdown, fawning, and masking. Most importantly, you’ll leave with language you can use to advocate for yourself without shrinking, and the reminder you may need most: Needing details isn’t arguing. It’s safety. It’s integrity. It’s communication.

    32 min

  5. JAN 6

    # 19 - Dating After Diagnosis: From Adaptation to Choice

    Send us a text Dating later in life after a late autism diagnosis is not simply about meeting new people - it’s about meeting yourself with language, context, and long-overdue permission. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores the often-unspoken realities of dating in midlife for late-identified autistic women. Moving beyond traditional dating narratives, we talk about masking, burnout, nervous system exhaustion, emotional labor, and the profound shift that happens when dating stops being a performance and starts becoming a process rooted in safety. This episode unpacks why many autistic women were taught to adapt endlessly in relationships, how late diagnosis reframes past romantic histories with compassion rather than blame, and why regulated, steady connection can initially feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable, to nervous systems shaped by inconsistency. We also explore grief, boundaries, the quiet courage of naming needs, and the radical permission to redefine what companionship looks like in your forties, fifties, and beyond. Whether you’re dating, pausing, or choosing a different relational path altogether, this episode is a reminder that you are not behind — you are finally informed. Brief Disclaimer This episode reflects the experiences of many late-identified autistic women, but autism is a spectrum and no single experience represents everyone. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and honor your own nervous system and lived reality. This podcast is for educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for medical or mental health care. If you’re experiencing distress, please seek support from a trusted professional or support person. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for immediate help.  Suggested Resources – Unmasking Autism by Devon Price – Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder by Sarah Bargiela et al. – Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges) – Research by Damian Milton and Dora Raymaker

    15 min

  6. 12/30/2025

    # 18 - Why Neurodivergent People Thrive in Environments That Question Tradition

    Send us a text What if the problem was never your brain but the environment asking it to pretend? In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we explore why many neurodivergent people thrive in spaces that question tradition rather than worship it. This isn’t about being rebellious or “difficult.” It’s about cognitive integrity, nervous system safety, and a deep need for meaning, ethics, and logic. We unpack how unexamined rules in schools, workplaces, families, and even mental-health spaces often prioritize compliance, hierarchy, and performance - while quietly punishing curiosity. Drawing from psychology, neuroscience, and lived experience, this episode explains why autistic and ADHD brains are less driven by social consensus and more by internal consistency, fairness, and truth. Resources mentioned Unmasking Autism by Devon PriceWritings by Dora RaymakerCommunity perspectives from Autistic Self Advocacy Network and NeuroClasticIf you’ve always felt more alive in spaces that explore, revise, and reimagine - this episode is for you. Your wiring for truth over tradition isn’t a flaw. It’s a contribution. Support note: If this conversation brings up distress, help is available. In the U.S., call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., local crisis services or healthcare providers can help you find support. This podcast is for education and reflection and is not a substitute for therapy or medical care. Thank you for questioning, and for choosing environments (and inner narratives) that make room for your truth. Follow along on Instagram: ✨ @quietlyautisticatlastpodcast ✨ @thelemontreecoaching For reflections, visuals, episode quotes, and ongoing conversations about neurodivergence, nervous system safety, and living more honestly - both inwardly and outwardly. 🌱

    13 min

  7. 12/23/2025

    # 17 - Why “High-Functioning” Misses the Point - Especially for Late-Diagnosed Women

    Send us a text “You’re so high-functioning.” It’s a phrase many late-diagnosed autistic women hear when they finally share their diagnosis - often offered as reassurance, praise, or disbelief. And almost always, it misses the point. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we unpack why the term high-functioning doesn’t just fall short, it actively obscures the lived reality of autistic women diagnosed later in life. We explore the psychology beneath the label, including masking, nervous system survival, grief, identity, and why appearing “fine” often comes at an invisible cost. Drawing on research around autistic burnout, camouflaging, minority stress, the Double Empathy Problem, and Polyvagal Theory, this episode reframes functioning labels for what they really measure: not wellbeing, but how much pain someone can carry without making others uncomfortable. This conversation is honest, affirming, and grounded in both lived experience and science - a reminder that competence does not cancel need, and survival is not the same as thriving. References & Further Reading Unmasking Autism – Devon PriceDivergent Mind – Jenara NerenbergRaymaker et al. (AASPIRE): Research on autistic burnoutHull et al.: Studies on masking and camouflaging in autistic womenMilton, D.: The Double Empathy ProblemBotha, M.: Minority stress in autistic adultsStephen Porges: Polyvagal TheoryNational Autistic Society: Why functioning labels are harmfulAutism-Affirming Resources National Autistic Society (UK): https://www.autism.org.uk Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN): https://autisticadvocacy.org AASPIRE (Academic Autism Spectrum Partnership in Research and Education): https://aaspire.org Embrace Autism: https://embrace-autism.com Mental Health Resources If this episode brings up distress, grief, or overwhelm, support is available: U.S. & Canada: Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)UK & ROI: Samaritans – 116 123Australia: Lifeline – 13 11 14Or visit: https://findahelpline.com for global supportBrief Disclaimer Autism is experienced differently by every individual. The perspectives shared in this episode reflect one autistic lived experience and interpretation of research, not a universal autistic narrative. Listening with curiosity and self-compassion is encouraged.

    12 min

  8. 12/16/2025

    # 16 - Your Spoons Are Telling the Truth

    Send us a text Spoon Theory is often explained as a simple metaphor for limited energy, but for autistic adults, especially late-identified autistic women, it’s far more than that. In this episode of Quietly Autistic at Last, we slow Spoon Theory down and return it to the body. We explore how spoons actually live in autistic nervous systems through sensory processing, masking, emotional regulation, burnout, predictability, and self-trust. Through an autistic lens, we talk about why exhaustion is so often mistaken for personal failure, how masking quietly burns through spoons, why sleep alone doesn’t always restore energy, and how autistic burnout is not caused by poor planning, but by long-term nervous-system overload in environments not built for us. This episode gently shifts the question from “How many spoons do I have today?” to “What does my nervous system need before I spend the ones I have?” Because having fewer spoons is not a character flaw. It’s your body telling the truth. 🔗 Related Resources & Further Listening / Reading Christine Miserandino – The Spoon Theory https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ Dr. Devon Price – Unmasking Autism https://www.devonpricephd.com/unmasking-autism Dr. Dora Raymaker – Research on Autistic Burnout https://autisticburnout.com https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/ Dr. Damian Milton – Double Empathy & Autistic Scholarship https://damianmilton.co.uk/ Dr. Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory https://www.stephenporges.com/ Quietly Autistic at Last Podcast (Add your show link here)🧠 Gentle Disclaimer & Mental Health Resources This episode reflects lived autistic experience and current psychological research, but it is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic care. Autism is a spectrum, and experiences of energy, burnout, and regulation vary widely among individuals. If this conversation brings up distress, overwhelm, or feelings of crisis, please reach out for support. In the United States, you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, for free, confidential support 24/7. If you are outside the U.S., please check your local crisis resources or emergency services. You deserve care, understanding, and support.

    19 min
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About

Quietly Autistic at LastA podcast for the women who were always "a little different"—but never had the words for why. Hosted by Dr. Allison Sucamele, a woman diagnosed with autism later in life, this podcast explores the quiet, often-overlooked experiences of neurodivergent women who spent years—sometimes decades—masked, misunderstood, or misdiagnosed. Each episode is a gentle unraveling of what it means to be quietly autistic at last: the grief of being missed, the relief of being named, the power of self-recognition, and the beauty of finally feeling seen. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or just beginning to wonder… this space is for you. Tender truths, lived stories, unmasking, and self-compassion—one quiet conversation at a time.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Allison Sucamele
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    24
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Quietly Autistic at Last
  • Show Website
    Quietly Autistic at Last