The Empowered Leader Podcast

Margaret Williams, MS, ACC

The Empowered Leader is a video podcast for women who have been marginalized, going beneath surface-level leadership advice to name the real tensions of leading inside systems not designed for them: visibility without backlash, authority without permission, and elevating your voice without self-erasure. Each episode interrogates power, bias, and leadership norms while offering a grounded perspective that clarifies what’s personal, what’s systemic, and where your voice and your choices still hold power. substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com

  1. 3d ago

    Before the Lesson Begins with Rebekah Pierce

    Rebekah Lynn Pierce - Biography Rebekah Lynn Pierce is an author, playwright, educator, military veteran, and creative entrepreneur. Her writing centers on storytelling, personal transformation, historical fiction, and social justice. Biographical Details & Career Highlights · Military Service & Early Life: Raised in Stockton, California, she served in the U.S. Air Force from 1993 to 1999 before settling in Richmond, Virginia. · Educator & Academic: She has taught English Composition and Literature for over 25 years across public schools, vocational institutions, and universities. · Entrepreneurship & Creative Projects: She founded The Nourishment Collective and Maggie’s Custom Sweet Treats (formerly Maggie’s Cupcake Cafe), and writes The Lemonade Mindset newsletter on Substack, focusing on affirmations and personal growth. Published Works: · Before the Lesson Begins: Using Breath, Reflection, & Affirmations to Inspire Student Learning (Educational Non-Fiction, 2025) · I Love Me More (Women’s Biographies, 2019) · The Secret Life of Lucy Bosman (Historical Fiction, 2014) · On the Cusp of Humanity: A Collection of Short Modern Plays (Drama, 2013) · Murder on Second Street: The Jackson Ward Murders (Historical Mystery, 2010) Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

    Before the Lesson Begins with Rebekah Pierce
  2. 3d ago

    Cognitive Dissonance

    When what you’re told and what you see don’t match, believe what you see. He says he’ll change. Nothing changes. She says she’s happy for you. She hasn’t asked one question about it. They say the door is always open. You knocked twice and nobody came. Somebody says “we’re fine,” and you’re lying awake at two in the morning doing math on a life that doesn’t add up. And underneath all of it, a low grinding in your chest. Two things that cannot both be true, running at the same time. Hear me on this. That grinding is not anxiety. It’s not oversensitivity. It’s not you being difficult. It’s you knowing something. The only question, the one this whole piece turns on, is what you do with what you know. What It Actually Is Cognitive dissonance is a psychologist’s phrase for something you already know by feel. The discomfort of holding two contradicting things at once. What I was told versus what I saw. What I believe about this person versus how this person treats me. Who I say I am versus what I keep tolerating. Here’s what the textbook underplays. The mind can’t stand that grind for long. It’s built to resolve contradiction, and it will, quickly, quietly, and if you’re not watching, in whatever direction is cheapest. Changing your life is expensive. Changing your mind about what you saw is free. So the mind, left alone, edits the evidence. Maybe I misread it. Maybe he meant well. Maybe this is just how it is for everybody. The discomfort was never the problem. It was the one part of you working exactly right. The grinding isn’t the malfunction. It’s the truth trying to get your attention. The problem is what we do to make it stop. What You’re Told, and What You See Here’s the rule I’d give you if I could only give you one. When what you’re told and what you see don’t match, believe what you see. Every time. What you’re told is the words. The promises. The apology that arrives right on schedule. The version of the story somebody repeats until it starts to sound like history. What you see is the behavior. Who shows up. Who calls back. What happens after the apology. How somebody treats you when there’s nothing in it for them. Words are cheap and behavior is expensive. That’s the whole reason behavior tells the truth. Now watch what capable women do with that, because we were trained to do it. We doubt our own eyes before we doubt the words. We were graded our whole lives on being agreeable. On giving the benefit of the doubt. On not making it a thing. So when the words and the behavior don’t match, we settle it by deciding we’re the one who got it wrong. We convict the witness. And the witness was us. You settled it by overruling your own eyes. That’s a win for the story. It has never once been a win for the truth. How It Gets Used Against You Understand this clearly. Some of the dissonance in your life is not an accident. It’s manufactured. Somebody who tells you you’re the most important thing in their life while handing you whatever’s left over isn’t confused. They’re counting on you to settle the contradiction in their favor. The friend who is warm to your face and silent when it actually counts is running the same play. And the manipulator’s version is the sharpest of all. Create the gap between what they say and what they do, then punish you for noticing it. “That never happened.” “You’re remembering it wrong.” “You’re too sensitive.” One goal: keep you so busy doubting what you saw that you never get around to doing anything about it. Then there’s the dissonance we manufacture ourselves. That one’s harder to admit. Eleven years into something that stopped fitting eight years ago. The grind in your chest every Sunday night, settled week after week with “but I’ve put so much into this.” The belief we protect hardest is the one we’ve already paid for. That isn’t loyalty. It’s a story we keep because we’re the one who told it. Imposed or self-made, the pattern is identical. The evidence threatens something comfortable, so the evidence gets edited. Whoever talks you out of trusting your own eyes gets to write your story. And whoever writes it decides how it ends. Settling It in the Right Direction It always gets settled. The only question is which way. There are three ways out of the grind. Two of them are honest. You can change what you believe, because what you saw genuinely showed you something new. That’s learning, and it should happen regularly. Sometimes you had somebody wrong. Sometimes the story you carried about a person, a place, or yourself doesn’t survive the evidence. Changing your mind is strength. It has never been defeat. You can change your situation, because the belief held up, and it’s the life around it that has to move. You say the hard thing. You set the boundary. You make the call you’ve been putting off. You go. That’s your decision, and nobody can make it for you. Or you can go numb and change nothing. Keep the belief, keep the situation, and spend your strength holding two incompatible truths apart so they never touch. That’s the dishonest way out. And it’s the most expensive thing a capable woman can buy. The energy you spend not-knowing something is energy your own life never gets. The discipline that keeps you honest is one you already know from me. Write it down. What I’m told, on one line. What I keep seeing, on the next. With the date. This whole thing survives on fog, on those two sentences never sitting side by side in daylight. Paper ends the fog. Once they’re both on the page, you’ll find it very hard to un-know which one is true. Change what you believe, or change your situation. Numb is not a third option. It’s surrender on an installment plan. The Reconciliation Here’s the quiet work. Not a program. Just a sitting-down with yourself. Find the grind you’ve been living with. You don’t have to hunt for it — it surfaced while you read this. Somewhere in your life two things cannot both be true, and you’ve been paying to keep from choosing. Write them as two plain sentences. What I am told. What I see. No softening. No “maybe I’m overreacting.” Just the two of them, side by side, in your own hand. Then check each one against behavior. Not words. Not intentions. Not potential. Behavior, repeated over time. One of those sentences has evidence behind it. Sit with which one. And notice how long you’ve known. Then make the smaller decision first. You don’t have to leave, confront anybody, or overhaul your life by Friday. You have to stop editing the evidence. Say the true sentence out loud once. To yourself. To your journal. To one person who doesn’t need you to pretend. That’s the reconciliation. You stop lying to yourself, whatever you decide to do next. Integration: The Reality Now turn it around. Because you are somebody else’s evidence. Every gap between what you say and what you actually do puts that same grinding in somebody who loves you, works for you, or looks up to you. And they’ll settle it the way you learned to, by quietly deciding not to believe you. You can’t talk your way out of a contradiction you behaved your way into. Say less. Line up more. The people we trust most aren’t the ones with the best words. They’re the ones whose ordinary Tuesday makes the words unnecessary. And when somebody tells you what they see, that what you say and what you do don’t line up, that person just took a risk for you. If your face punishes her for it, she’ll never say it again. You won’t have solved a thing. You’ll have only made sure you stop hearing about it. Keep one honest eye on the story you tell about yourself, too. “I’m a fair person” is a belief, not a fact. It has to hold up against your calendar, your patterns, and who you show up for when it costs you something. The people who calcify aren’t the ones who had contradictions. They’re the ones who stopped checking. The Coaching Chair Come sit a minute. Leave the story at the door. In this chair we only deal in what’s actually happening. Find the grind. The one you’ve been managing instead of settling. Put the two sentences in front of you. What you’re told. What you see. And notice, without punishing yourself, how long you’ve been carrying both. What has holding them apart been costing you? Sleep? Your voice? The woman you used to be, the one who trusted what she saw? Now the braver question. What would you have to feel if you let the true sentence be true? Grief, maybe. Anger. The weight of a decision you’d then have to make. That feeling is the toll booth. The exact spot where you’ve been turning around, month after month. It’s also the only road out. What is the one thing you already know is true, and what becomes possible the day you stop paying to not know it? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

    Cognitive Dissonance
  3. Sep 4

    Using the Enneagram to be Your Authentic Self

    Career & Background * Corporate Experience: She has over 15 years of program management experience across various domains. Notably, she served as a Senior Program Manager and Amazon Bar Raiser, where she conducted hundreds of candidate interviews for diverse corporate roles. * Hire Possibilities: She is the founder of Hire Possibilities, a consultancy, publication, and coaching practice dedicated to helping job seekers, hiring managers, and small business owners navigate interviews and career transitions. * Education: She holds a degree in Communications from the Edward R. Murrow College of Communication at Washington State University. Author & Publications * She authored the book The Self-Aware Interview: Essentials for Every Enneagram Type, which combines behavioral interviewing frameworks (such as the STAR method) with Enneagram personality insights to help candidates show up authentically. Publish Date: May 3, 2026. Available in Kindle, hardcover, and paperback. * She writes the Substack publication Hire Possibilities, focusing on interviewing, career transitions, self-awareness, and workplace dynamics. Talking Points: Using Enneagram to be Your Authentic Self The Enneagram can be useful as a framework for self-reflection, but the empirical research on its reliability and validity is mixed. A 2021 systematic review examined 104 independent samples and reached that conclusion. PubMed · The Enneagram is about awareness, not labels. It can provide a framework for examining recurring personality patterns, motivations, strengths, and areas for development (Daniels & Price, 2009; Riso & Hudson, 1999). Des Moines Public Library Catalog · Authenticity begins with self-awareness. Using the Enneagram as a reflective tool can encourage individuals to observe habitual patterns and consider how those patterns affect personal and interpersonal functioning (Chestnut, 2013; Riso & Hudson, 1999). Folsom Public Library · Look beneath behavior to motivation. Enneagram approaches emphasize understanding the motivations and patterns associated with different personality types rather than focusing exclusively on observable behavior (Daniels & Price, 2009). Camden County Library Catalog · Recognize strengths and blind spots. Self-observation can help individuals recognize both strengths and less productive patterns, creating opportunities for intentional personal development (Chestnut, 2013). Google Books · Use the Enneagram as a developmental tool, not an excuse. Knowing your type should not become justification for behavior. The greater value comes from recognizing habitual patterns and developing greater flexibility in how you respond (Riso & Hudson, 1999). · Apply it carefully in coaching and leadership development. Research provides some evidence supporting the Enneagram’s use for personal and spiritual growth, but the overall empirical evidence regarding its reliability and validity remains mixed (Hook et al., 2021). Wiley Online Library References Chestnut, B. (2013). The complete Enneagram: 27 paths to greater self-knowledge. She Writes Press. Folsom Public Library Daniels, D. N., & Price, V. A. (2009). The essential Enneagram: The definitive personality test and self-discovery guide (Rev. ed.). HarperOne. Des Moines Public Library Catalog Hook, J. N., Hall, T. W., Davis, D. E., Van Tongeren, D. R., & Conner, M. (2021). The Enneagram: A systematic review of the literature and directions for future research. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 77(4), 865–883. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.23097 PubMed Riso, D. R., & Hudson, R. (1999). The wisdom of the Enneagram: The complete guide to psychological and spiritual growth for the nine personality types. Bantam Books. Sno-Isle Libraries Catalog Thank you Natasha K., Carolyn Malone, Fatimah Ali, PhD-Lupus Health, Diane, julie elder, Florence Acosta and many others for tuning into my live video with Carolyn Illman! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

  4. Aug 28

    My Curious Life with Robert Danna & Walter Rhein

    Robert Danna Bio Physicist, naval officer, engineer, business leader, and author. Danna served as an officer in the United States Navy, trained and worked as a physicist, practiced as a consulting engineer, and closed his corporate career as an executive at Deloitte. At Bersin by Deloitte, he served as Director, helping launch the firm’s advisory consulting practice and building its core consulting methodologies. Across more than thirty-five years in management consulting, he concentrated on human capital strategy, adult learning, talent management, leadership development, and veteran recruitment (Danna, n.d.-a). Marquis Who’s Who (2024) recognized him for a career spanning more than fifty years. He describes himself as "a progressive, secular humanist… lover of science and reason" and adds, without apology, "You are forewarned" (Danna, n.d.-b, The Authentic Bob Danna section). He lives in Las Vegas, Nevada, with his long-term partner, Laci Loew. The Book: My Curious Life: If My Grandkids Ask About Me, Tell Them This It was published April 8, 2024 (Danna, 2024). It began as a private record for his grandchildren and became a public one, structured in four parts: a five-act life narrative, a deconstruction of his professional selves, a section on self-knowledge, and a closing section on sustained curiosity. Chapter titles include "Growing Up in a Low-Income Home" and "Let’s Talk About Reason, Logic and Being a Skeptic." Kirkus Reviews (2024) called it "an engaging, curiosity-driven journey from the 1960s to the present." It received an International Impact Book Award in April 2025 (Danna, n.d.-b). Laci Loew Bio Laci Loew is a global HR analyst, people scientist, and enterprise talent strategist based in Las Vegas, Nevada. She serves as an executive advisor guiding organizations, CEOs, and corporate boards through complex business transformations, leadership alignment, and talent architecture redesigns. Current Leadership Roles * Fellow at the Global Curiosity Institute, co-developing the Curiosity Maturity Model to help organizations measure and scale curiosity as a driver for innovation and resilience. * Board Member at the AI Learning Alliance (AILA), focusing on human-AI collaboration and integrating agentic AI into modern workflows. * Member of the Harvard Business Review Advisory Council and member of the Senior Executive HR Think Tank. Senior Executive Professional Experience With over 30 to 40 years of workforce experience, Loew has held senior HR leadership, principal analyst, and strategic advisory roles across major global enterprise organizations. Key Areas of Focus & Expertise * Future of Work & AI Partnering: Advising executive teams on deploying agentic AI tools as collaborative working partners alongside employees. * Organizational Strategy & Change: Utilizing evidence-based maturity models to resolve cultural bottlenecks, elevate executive team dynamics, and improve performance management. Senior Executive * Workplace Culture & Inclusion: Promoting psychological safety, equity, and modern workforce engagement strategies. Education & Publications * Education: Holds a Bachelor of Science in Education and Psychology, along with an MBA with a concentration in Human Resources. Senior Executive * Publications: Frequently contributes insights on talent management, leadership, and workplace trends to outlets including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and the Talent Management Handbook. Walter Rhein’s Bio Walter Rhein is an American author, writer, and teacher known for his work spanning fantasy fiction, non-fiction travel writing, and sports memoirs. Early Life & Travel * Background: Raised in northern Wisconsin, he earned a degree in English literature before traveling and living abroad. * Time in Peru: Lived in Lima, Peru, for a decade working as an English teacher, translator, and writer. He currently splits his time between Wisconsin and South America. * Athletics: An avid cross-country skier, he regularly participates in the American Birkebeiner 50km ski race in Hayward, Wisconsin. Notable Works * Beyond Birkie Fever (2010): A sports memoir focused on his experiences with cross-country skiing and the culture surrounding the American Birkebeiner race. * The Reader of Acheron & The Literate Thief (Slaves of Erafor Series): Fantasy novels exploring themes of forbidden literacy and rebellion against oppression. * Reckless Traveler (2015): A non-fiction travel book drawing on his experiences living and traveling in South America. * The Bone Sword & Paperclip: Fantasy and collaborative fiction works (co-authored Paperclip with Dan Woll). Writing & Commentary Rhein publishes I’d Rather Be Writing on Substack, which has an audience of over 19,000 subscribers, and a second publication, Rise Together. His writing addresses antiracism, race, tolerance, integrity, women’s rights, and the conditions children are being raised into. He states that his newsletter contains no AI-generated content (Rhein, n.d.). Thank you Dr. Yamicia Connor, LeftieProf, Stuart Cohen, Donna, EG, Humor and Hummus by Brandon Ellrich, Mandy Ohman and many others for tuning into my live video with Walter Rhein, Laci Loew and Robert Danna! Join me for my next live video in the app This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

    My Curious Life with Robert Danna & Walter Rhein
  5. Aug 26

    Correction Before Correction: Rethinking the Way We Parent with Haide Wall Giesbrecht

    Haide (Heidi) Wall-Giesbrecht - Bio * Writer & Content Creator: Author’s reflections and essays focusing on encouragement, the ordinary, and the sacred along life’s journey (including pieces like Fence to Fields). * Counselor & Educator Support: Works professionally as a counselor supporting students and educators. * Core Values & Philosophy: Emphasizes authenticity, showing up as her genuine self across all spaces, and encouraging others intentionally. * Current Projects: Writing a book pitch, pursuing a TED Talk, and engaging in creative practices like The Artist’s Way. Talking Points: Correction Before Correction: Rethinking the Way We Parent Framing Most parenting advice begins at the moment of the child’s behavior. The research begins earlier with the state of the adult in the room. The question is not how do I correct this child. It is what am I correcting from. The correction delivered while dysregulated teaches something different from the one delivered while regulated, even when the words are identical. The first correction in any household is the one the parent makes to themselves. The Mismatch Finding Tronick et al. (1978) introduced the still-face paradigm, in which mothers drop their expression to a blank mask mid-interaction. The infant’s distress is immediate and observable. The finding that reframes the parenting conversation came later. Tronick and Gianino (1986) reported that even securely attached dyads are in mismatched states for roughly 70% of face-to-face interaction. Attunement is not the norm. Misattunement is. What distinguishes secure from insecure attachment is not the frequency of matched moments but the reliability of repair. The damage sits in ruptures that are never repaired — where the child is left in distress with no route back. Note on precision: the 70% figure is widely quoted in practitioner literature and originates in this mismatch–repair work. Treat it as an approximate finding from a specific observational context, not a universal constant. You were never required to get it right. You were required to come back. What Correction Actually Produces Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor (2016) meta-analyzed five decades of research covering more than 160,000 children — the most complete analysis of spanking outcomes to date, and notable for isolating spanking rather than pooling it with broader physical punishment. Thirteen of seventeen mean effect sizes differed significantly from zero, and all indicated increased risk of detrimental outcomes. The authors report a dose–response relationship: more frequent and severe punishment, more child aggression. The finding parents rarely hear is the null one. Spanking was not associated with improved long-term compliance. The only positive outcome was immediate compliance, documented in five studies. It buys the next four minutes at the cost of the next four years. Contested: Present Both Sides Baumrind et al. (2002), responding to Gershoff’s earlier meta-analysis (Gershoff, 2002), argued that such analyses conflate ordinary spanking with harsh or abusive punishment, that effect sizes are small, and that causation may run backward: difficult children attract more punishment rather than punishment producing difficult children. Gershoff and Grogan-Kaylor (2016) address this partly by isolating spanking, and report that effect sizes did not substantially differ between spanking and physical abuse. The defensible position: the correlational evidence is large, consistent, and directionally clear; causal identification remains imperfect; and no body of evidence demonstrates that physical punishment achieves outcomes non-physical approaches do not. The evidence does not say every smacked child is harmed. It says nobody has shown it works better than the alternatives. Reflective Functioning: The Transmission Mechanism Reflective functioning is the capacity to hold another’s mind in mind to read behavior as arising from an internal state rather than as a problem to suppress. Rosso and Airaldi (2016) examined 39 mother–preadolescent dyads and found that children of mothers with secure attachment representations showed higher reflective functioning than children of insecurely classified mothers, and that maternal reflective functioning was associated with the child’s own. Handle the sample size honestly. Thirty-nine dyads is small. The finding is consistent with a much larger attachment literature, but this study alone does not carry the claim. What you have not examined in yourself, you will hand down. Not deliberately. Automatically. The Line That Connects This to Everything Else You cannot take a child further than you have gone yourself. Their dysregulation will trip every wire in yours. Their anger will meet whatever you did with your own. Your own work is your license for this work. There is no other credential. The parent regulates first, not because the child matters less, but because regulation is the thing being taught. What This Means in Practice Correct Yourself First * Name your own state before addressing theirs. Out loud is fine. * The pause is not permissiveness. It is the intervention. * If you cannot regulate in the moment, say so and return. That is repair, modeled. Expect Rupture * Frequent mismatch is the baseline, not your failure (Tronick & Gianino, 1986). * Stop optimizing for never losing it. Optimize for the return. Make Repair Explicit * Name what happened. Own your part without collapsing into apology. * Repair is not asking the child to reassure you. Watch for that reversal. Interrogate the Inheritance * When your reaction is three sizes too big for the moment, it is not about the moment. * Ask what was done to you at that age, and whether you are repeating it or overcorrecting against it. The Coaching Chair Bring to mind the last time you corrected your child and did not like who you were while doing it. What state were you in before the behavior started? Say it plainly. Tired. Ashamed. Watched by someone whose opinion you felt. Now the harder question: whose voice came out of your mouth? Was it yours, or one you inherited? And this one, which is the whole work: what would change in that house this week if the correction started with you? What are you disciplining in your child that was never actually corrected in you? A Note on the Evidence The still-face paradigm is experimental and among the most replicated findings in developmental psychology. The mismatch-and-repair percentages come from observational coding in specific samples and should be presented as approximate. The reflective functioning study is empirical but small (N = 39) and correlational; it cannot establish direction of transmission on its own. The corporal punishment literature is predominantly correlational, and its causal claims are contested in good faith by serious researchers. Where a widely repeated claim is disputed, both positions appear above. Take care with the word trauma. Tronick’s model describes accumulated misattunement and the meanings children make of it. That is not clinical trauma, and conflating the two will cost you credibility with exactly the audience most likely to push back. References Baumrind, D., Larzelere, R. E., & Cowan, P. A. (2002). Ordinary physical punishment: Is it harmful? Comment on Gershoff (2002). Psychological Bulletin, 128(4), 580–589. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.128.4.580 Gershoff, E. T. (2002). Corporal punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin, 128(4), 539–579. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.128.4.539 Gershoff, E. T., & Grogan-Kaylor, A. (2016). Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses. Journal of Family Psychology, 30(4), 453–469. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000191 Rosso, A. M., & Airaldi, C. (2016). Intergenerational transmission of reflective functioning. Frontiers in Psychology, 7, 1903. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01903 Tronick, E., Als, H., Adamson, L., Wise, S., & Brazelton, T. B. (1978). The infant’s response to entrapment between contradictory messages in face-to-face interaction. Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, 17(1), 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0002-7138(09)62273-1 Tronick, E. Z., & Gianino, A. F. (1986). Interactive mismatch and repair: Challenges to the coping infant. Zero to Three, 6(3), 1–6. Thank you to everyone who tuned in to my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

    Correction Before Correction: Rethinking the Way We Parent with Haide Wall Giesbrecht
  6. Aug 20

    Leveraging & Positioning with Natalie Holder

    Natalie Holder’s Bio Natalie Holder is an American employment lawyer, author, corporate trainer, and organizational strategist known for her work in workplace diversity, compliance, and inclusion strategy. Key Highlights * Professional Focus: Specializes in workplace investigations, anti-harassment/discrimination compliance, executive coaching, and building inclusive, high-performance corporate cultures. * Leadership Roles: Has served as Chief Diversity Officer for the United States Capitol Police and Stanford University’s SLAC National Accelerator Laboratory, as well as leading global HR compliance for Starwood Hotels & Resorts. * Founder: Founder of QUEST Employment Initiatives LLC. * Author: Written works include Exclusion: Strategies for Increasing Diversity in Recruitment, Retention, and Promotion (American Bar Association Publishing) and Recruiting and Retaining a Diverse Workforce: New Rules for a New Generation. * Legal & High-Stakes Consulting: Barred in New York, Connecticut, and Maryland, she has delivered court-ordered training and counsel in high-profile workplace discrimination cases involving institutions like Fox News and the New York City Fire Department. Talking Points: Leveraging & Positioning Framing Position is what the org chart gives you. Leverage is what you can actually move. They are not the same thing, and confusing them is why capable people stall in roles they have already outgrown. The research on organizational power is unusually clear on this point: formal authority is one source of influence among several, and often not the strongest. What follows separates the two, then shows where leverage actually comes from. Your title tells people where you sit. It does not tell them what you can move. Where Power Actually Comes From French and Raven (1959) identified five bases of social power, later expanded to six. Only two are positional. • Legitimate — authority conferred by role. Positional. • Reward — control over what others want. Largely positional. • Coercive — capacity to punish. Positional and corrosive to use. • Expert — power from demonstrated knowledge. Personal. • Referent — power from being someone others want to align with. Personal. • Informational — power from what you know and control the flow of. Personal, and the most portable. The distinction matters because personal power travels with you and positional power does not. A woman who has built her influence entirely on legitimate authority loses all of it the day she changes roles. Source: French, J. R. P., & Raven, B. (1959). The bases of social power. In D. Cartwright (Ed.), Studies in social power (pp. 150–167). University of Michigan. Primary theoretical source: the taxonomy is foundational, but the six categories are conceptual rather than empirically derived. Four of the six ways people hold power have nothing to do with their title. Those are the four you can build. Dependence Is the Whole Mechanism Emerson (1962) framed power as a property of relationships, not people. A holds power over B to the extent that B depends on A for something B values and cannot easily get elsewhere. Three conditions make dependence real: importance (they need it), scarcity (few others have it), and non-substitutability (they cannot route around you). This is the most useful frame in the literature, because it is diagnostic. If you have no leverage in a situation, one of those three is missing, and you can usually name which. Source: Emerson, R. M. (1962). Power-dependence relations. American Sociological Review, 27(1), 31–41. Primary empirical and theoretical source; widely replicated in exchange-network research. Leverage is not something you have. It is something someone else needs. The Indispensability Trap Here is where the research turns uncomfortable for high performers. Dependence creates leverage, but the same dependence that makes you valuable in place can make you expensive to move. When no one else can do what you do, promoting you costs the organization the function you currently hold. Kanter (1977) documented this in structural terms: the positions that generate visibility and advancement are not the same positions that generate operational necessity. Work that is critical but routine confers little power; work that is discretionary, visible, and relevant to pressing organizational problems confers a great deal. Salancik and Pfeffer’s strategic contingencies work makes the same point at the unit level: power accrues to those who resolve the uncertainties the organization is most anxious about, not to those who perform reliably. • Critical and routine: high dependence, low power. The trap. • Discretionary and visible: moderate dependence, high power. • Resolves organizational uncertainty: the highest power of all. Source: Kanter, R. M. (1977). Men and women of the corporation. Basic Books. Primary qualitative and organizational research. Salancik, G. R., & Pfeffer, J. (1977). Who gets power — and how they hold on to it. Organizational Dynamics, 5(3), 3–21. Practitioner-facing but grounded in the authors’ empirical resource-dependence program. Being essential and being promotable are not the same thing. They can be opposites. Positioning in the Network Burt (1992) showed that advantage accrues not to those with the most connections, but to those who sit between otherwise disconnected groups, bridging what he termed structural holes. The broker sees information earlier, controls what passes between groups, and has options others cannot see. Ibarra’s research on women’s networks adds a necessary qualification: women in male-dominated organizations frequently face a structural double bind, needing both instrumental ties to the dominant coalition and same-gender ties for support, and often having to maintain two networks where a male peer maintains one. Source: Burt, R. S. (1992). Structural holes: The social structure of competition. Harvard University Press. Primary empirical source. Ibarra, H. (1992). Homophily and differential returns. Administrative Science Quarterly, 37(3), 422–447. Primary empirical source. The most valuable seat is rarely at the center of your team. It is between two groups that do not talk to each other. Leverage in the Room Fisher and Ury’s concept of the BATNA: best alternative to a negotiated agreement, remains the most practical single tool here. Your leverage in any negotiation is determined by the quality of your alternative, not by your argument. The applied consequence: leverage is built before the conversation, not during it. The woman with a competing offer, a portable network, and a documented record negotiates differently from the woman with none of those, not because she argues better, but because she can walk. Source: Fisher, R., & Ury, W. (1981). Getting to yes. Houghton Mifflin. Practitioner framework rather than primary empirical research, though the underlying negotiation findings are well supported. You do not build leverage in the negotiation. You arrive with it, or you do not. The Gendered Complication Two findings must be held together, because taken separately, either one misleads. Babcock and Laschever (2003) reported that women initiated negotiations substantially less often than men, and the finding entered popular discourse as women simply not asking. Later work complicates this considerably. Artz, Goodall and Oswald (2018), analyzing a large matched employer-employee dataset, found that women asked for raises at broadly similar rates to men but were less likely to receive them. The problem, on that evidence, is not the asking. Contested: The ‘women don’t ask’ framing is widely repeated and empirically disputed. Present both findings. Advising women to simply ask more, without acknowledging differential outcomes, misstates the research and places the burden in the wrong place. Bowles, Babcock and Lai (2007) additionally found that women who negotiate assertively can face social penalties men do not — evaluators were less willing to work with them. This is the backlash effect, and it is why generic assertiveness advice frequently fails the people it is given to. Source: Artz, B., Goodall, A. H., & Oswald, A. J. (2018). Do women ask? Industrial Relations, 57(4), 611–636. Primary empirical source. Bowles, H. R., Babcock, L., & Lai, L. (2007). Social incentives for gender differences in the propensity to initiate negotiations. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 103(1), 84–103. Primary experimental source. The evidence does not say women fail to ask. It says the same ask lands differently depending on who makes it. What This Means in Practice Diagnose before you act • Which of the six power bases are you actually operating from? • Where does someone depend on you, and is that dependence visible to anyone who decides? • Is your critical work routine or discretionary? The first traps, the second travels. Build what is portable • Expert and informational power survive a role change. Legitimate power does not. • Bridge two groups that do not talk. That position is scarce by construction. • Build your alternative before you need it. Leverage arrives with you. Remove the trap • Make your work legible, a record of decisions, costs, and outcomes. • Build the person who can hold your seat. The immovable do not get moved. Position is given. Leverage is built. Only one of them survives your next job change. A Note on the Evidence The organizational power literature is largely observational and theoretical rather than experimental, and much of it dates from a period when the organizations studied looked different from those most women lead in today. The negotiation findings are experimental and better identified, but effect sizes vary considerably by context. Where a widely repeated claim is disputed, it is flagged above. Present the dispute rather than the tidier version. This is a

    Leveraging & Positioning with Natalie Holder
  7. Aug 18

    Unspoken Expectations

    Let me ask you something. How much of your exhaustion comes from trying to meet expectations that were never actually spoken? Now ask yourself what kind of energy you would reclaim if you stopped performing for an invisible audience. That is the conversation we are having today. Expectations are one of the most destructive forces in leadership. People tell you to manage them if you communicate clearly enough. If you set boundaries properly. If you just get better at articulating what’s realistic. But the kind of expectations that actually serve you are not managed. Expectations are agreements made visible. It is the moment you stop performing for standards no one articulated. And it is the doorway to the three things you have been quietly depleting: your clarity, your agency, and your peace. If you are a marginalized leader, you know this in your bones. You learned early that expectations were unspoken rules you had to decode. So, you became hyperaware. You read every signal. You anticipated needs before they were voiced. You performed at 150% because 100% might not be enough. Those strategies kept you employed. But what you had to become to meet invisible standards is the very thing now keeping you from leading powerfully. You don’t need better time management. You need a different relationship to whose expectations you’re actually serving. Why it Matters Operating under unspoken expectations is a slow depletion. And it depletes the three things you can least afford to lose. Without clear expectations: * Your clarity disappears; you’re chasing moving targets you can’t even see * Your agency vanishes you surrender decision-making power to what you imagine others want * Your peace evaporates, you can never rest because you can never know if you’ve done enough Take a breath and notice which one you have lost the most of. It looks like: * working nights and weekends on tasks no one actually asked for * second-guessing decisions because you’re trying to predict what someone else would want * feeling perpetually behind on standards that shift every time you think you’ve met them * saying yes to everything because saying no might violate an expectation you don’t even understand When you operate from assumed expectations, you lease your leadership from mind-reading. And mind-reading always fails eventually. Every move you make based on what you think people want rather than what they’ve actually said they need is built on a foundation of guesswork. You deserve a foundation made of actual agreements. Visibility: This is where your agency comes back Clear expectations change how you make decisions. Not reactively. Proactively. Leaders carrying this can say: * “I make decisions based on stated priorities, not assumed ones.” * “I don’t need to read minds to lead well.” * “I negotiate expectations before work begins, not after it’s done.” Here is the part most leaders miss: your agency is not built by anticipating every possible expectation. It is built by demanding clarity about actual ones. Teams don’t trust leaders who guess at what they want. They trust leaders who ask. That is agency. That is the kind that creates alignment. Visible expectation-setting is not confrontational. It is professional. It tells every stakeholder that you’re building on agreements, not assumptions, and they provide clarity because you’ve made space for it. Liberation: This is where your clarity comes back Real expectation management is internal liberation. It means refusing to perform for audiences that exist only in your head. It sounds like: * “I don’t need to exceed unspoken standards to prove I belong here.” * “I am not responsible for expectations that were never communicated to me.” * “Asking what’s actually expected is strength, not weakness.” When you stop performing for invisible standards, direction replaces confusion. That is clarity. Not the abstract kind. The everyday kind. The clarity to know what success looks like because someone actually told you. The clarity to prioritize because you know what matters most to the people who matter. The clarity to rest because you’ve met the standards that were actually set, not the ones you imagined. Liberation is the end of the inherited contract that said you had to anticipate and exceed expectations that were never voiced. That contract is over. Transformation: This is where peace comes back, yours and the people you lead When one leader stops performing for invisible expectations, something radical happens. The organization is forced to articulate what it actually wants. Other leaders realize: * “I don’t have to guess what success looks like either.” * “Clarity is collaborative, not demanding.” * “We can build cultures where expectations are agreements, and everyone can finally rest when the work is done.” And then something most leaders forgot was possible begins to return, peace. Peace in knowing you’ve met the standard. Peace in making decisions without second-guessing. Peace in logging off because the day’s work is actually complete. That is how personal expectation clarity becomes cultural transformation. Leadership stops being a performance for invisible judges and starts being execution against stated agreements, and peacefully so. The Leadership Reality Most leaders are not struggling with expectations because they are not competent enough. They are struggling with expectations because they were trained to decode unspoken rules as a survival skill. You were taught to be: * perceptive but not paranoid * responsive but not reactive * excellent but not exhausted That is the reality. And it is also why so many capable leaders are exhausted from the daily labor of meeting standards no one articulated and why their clarity has vanished, their agency has disappeared, and their peace has evaporated. If that is, you pause. You are not failing. You learned to read unspoken expectations because that is what survival asked of you. And you are allowed to ask for clarity instead. Expectation management is not the absence of high standards. It is the absence of the requirement to meet standards that were never actually set. Closing Reflection Before you walk into your next project, sit with these three questions: * What expectation am I performing to that has never been explicitly stated, and what is it costing my clarity? * What would change in my leadership today if I asked what success actually looks like, what agency would return? * What peace am I sacrificing by trying to meet every possible standard, and what rest am I denying myself by never knowing if I’ve done enough? The answers are not laziness. They are boundaries. The Final Truth You cannot lead with clarity while performing for invisible standards. You cannot reclaim agency while surrendering to unspoken expectations. And you cannot find peace while chasing targets that move every time you get close. Your clarity is on the other side of asking what’s actually expected. Your agency is on the other side of negotiating agreements before work begins. Your peace is on the other side of knowing when you’ve actually met the standard. Stop performing for invisible audiences with the same energy you’ve been using to exceed unspoken expectations. Then lead from there. That is the work. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

    Unspoken Expectations
  8. Aug 18

    [Update] Expectations

    Let me ask you something. How much of your exhaustion comes from trying to meet expectations that were never actually spoken? Now ask yourself what kind of energy you would reclaim if you stopped performing for an invisible audience. That is the conversation we are having today. Expectations are one of the most destructive forces in leadership. People tell you to manage them if you communicate clearly enough. If you set boundaries properly. If you just get better at articulating what’s realistic. But the kind of expectations that actually serve you are not managed. Expectations are agreements made visible. It is the moment you stop performing for standards no one articulated. And it is the doorway to the three things you have been quietly depleting: your clarity, your agency, and your peace. If you are a marginalized leader, you know this in your bones. You learned early that expectations were unspoken rules you had to decode. So, you became hyperaware. You read every signal. You anticipated needs before they were voiced. You performed at 150% because 100% might not be enough. Those strategies kept you employed. But what you had to become to meet invisible standards is the very thing now keeping you from leading powerfully. You don’t need better time management. You need a different relationship to whose expectations you’re actually serving. Why it Matters Operating under unspoken expectations is a slow depletion. And it depletes the three things you can least afford to lose. Without clear expectations: * Your clarity disappears; you’re chasing moving targets you can’t even see * Your agency vanishes you surrender decision-making power to what you imagine others want * Your peace evaporates, you can never rest because you can never know if you’ve done enough Take a breath and notice which one you have lost the most of. It looks like: * working nights and weekends on tasks no one actually asked for * second-guessing decisions because you’re trying to predict what someone else would want * feeling perpetually behind on standards that shift every time you think you’ve met them * saying yes to everything because saying no might violate an expectation you don’t even understand When you operate from assumed expectations, you lease your leadership from mind-reading. And mind-reading always fails eventually. Every move you make based on what you think people want rather than what they’ve actually said they need is built on a foundation of guesswork. You deserve a foundation made of actual agreements. Visibility: This is where your agency comes back Clear expectations change how you make decisions. Not reactively. Proactively. Leaders carrying this can say: * “I make decisions based on stated priorities, not assumed ones.” * “I don’t need to read minds to lead well.” * “I negotiate expectations before work begins, not after it’s done.” Here is the part most leaders miss: your agency is not built by anticipating every possible expectation. It is built by demanding clarity about actual ones. Teams don’t trust leaders who guess at what they want. They trust leaders who ask. That is agency. That is the kind that creates alignment. Visible expectation-setting is not confrontational. It is professional. It tells every stakeholder that you’re building on agreements, not assumptions, and they provide clarity because you’ve made space for it. Liberation: This is where your clarity comes back Real expectation management is internal liberation. It means refusing to perform for audiences that exist only in your head. It sounds like: * “I don’t need to exceed unspoken standards to prove I belong here.” * “I am not responsible for expectations that were never communicated to me.” * “Asking what’s actually expected is strength, not weakness.” When you stop performing for invisible standards, direction replaces confusion. That is clarity. Not the abstract kind. The everyday kind. The clarity to know what success looks like because someone actually told you. The clarity to prioritize because you know what matters most to the people who matter. The clarity to rest because you’ve met the standards that were actually set, not the ones you imagined. Liberation is the end of the inherited contract that said you had to anticipate and exceed expectations that were never voiced. That contract is over. Transformation: This is where peace comes back, yours and the people you lead When one leader stops performing for invisible expectations, something radical happens. The organization is forced to articulate what it actually wants. Other leaders realize: * “I don’t have to guess what success looks like either.” * “Clarity is collaborative, not demanding.” * “We can build cultures where expectations are agreements, and everyone can finally rest when the work is done.” And then something most leaders forgot was possible begins to return, peace. Peace in knowing you’ve met the standard. Peace in making decisions without second-guessing. Peace in logging off because the day’s work is actually complete. That is how personal expectation clarity becomes cultural transformation. Leadership stops being a performance for invisible judges and starts being execution against stated agreements, and peacefully so. The Leadership Reality Most leaders are not struggling with expectations because they are not competent enough. They are struggling with expectations because they were trained to decode unspoken rules as a survival skill. You were taught to be: * perceptive but not paranoid * responsive but not reactive * excellent but not exhausted That is the reality. And it is also why so many capable leaders are exhausted from the daily labor of meeting standards no one articulated and why their clarity has vanished, their agency has disappeared, and their peace has evaporated. If that is, you pause. You are not failing. You learned to read unspoken expectations because that is what survival asked of you. And you are allowed to ask for clarity instead. Expectation management is not the absence of high standards. It is the absence of the requirement to meet standards that were never actually set. Closing Reflection Before you walk into your next project, sit with these three questions: * What expectation am I performing to that has never been explicitly stated, and what is it costing my clarity? * What would change in my leadership today if I asked what success actually looks like, what agency would return? * What peace am I sacrificing by trying to meet every possible standard, and what rest am I denying myself by never knowing if I’ve done enough? The answers are not laziness. They are boundaries. The Final Truth You cannot lead with clarity while performing for invisible standards. You cannot reclaim agency while surrendering to unspoken expectations. And you cannot find peace while chasing targets that move every time you get close. Your clarity is on the other side of asking what’s actually expected. Your agency is on the other side of negotiating agreements before work begins. Your peace is on the other side of knowing when you’ve actually met the standard. Stop performing for invisible audiences with the same energy you’ve been using to exceed unspoken expectations. Then lead from there. That is the work. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe

    [Update] Expectations

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About

The Empowered Leader is a video podcast for women who have been marginalized, going beneath surface-level leadership advice to name the real tensions of leading inside systems not designed for them: visibility without backlash, authority without permission, and elevating your voice without self-erasure. Each episode interrogates power, bias, and leadership norms while offering a grounded perspective that clarifies what’s personal, what’s systemic, and where your voice and your choices still hold power. substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com