clearly becoming

Hazel Ann
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YOU CAN BE AMBITIOUS AND CONFUSED AT THE SAME TIME Clearly Becoming is the podcast and newsletter, hosted by Hazel Ann Felder, for ambitious twentysomethings navigating career chaos, identity shifts, and the pressure to "figure it out." Each week, you get evidence-based tools from neuroscience and psychology, honest conversations with people who've become something (not just achieved something), and frameworks for clarity, curiosity, alignment, and action. Career is the vehicle. Becoming is the destination. New episodes every other Monday

  1. Sep 21

    EP 47 - saying no is the most underrated glow up of your twenties

    IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: the actual difference between standards and expectations (and why you're only in control of one of them) why saying no feels like committing a crime, according to over a decade of cornell research why autonomy is a basic psychological need, not just main character energy what "non-promotable tasks" are and why staying quiet about your work is quietly costing you a promotion the real, pre-pinterest origin story of ikigai, and how to actually use it word-for-word scripts for saying no without torching the relationship 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "keep you standards high, expectations low” TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction to standards vs expectations 02:15 Understanding your boundaries and control 03:28 The importance of living in alignment 04:12 Personal routines and setting boundaries at home 07:40 Impacts of constantly saying yes in professional life 08:51 The value of setting standards and saying no 09:17 Research on why people struggle to refuse requests 10:29 Role-playing and scripts for declining requests 12:07 Enforcing standards in personal and professional life 13:43 The self-determination theory and autonomy 15:22 Decision fatigue and its effects on boundaries 16:24 Non-promotable tasks and career stagnation 20:01 Assertiveness and gender perceptions 21:31 The Ikigai framework for living purposefully 25:33 Building your standards and living in alignment 28:37 Practical steps for setting boundaries and visibility 29:40 Reflections and closing thoughts RESOURCES The No Club: Putting a Stop to Women's Dead-End Work — Linda Babcock, Brenda Peyser, Lise Vesterlund, Laurie Weingart You Have More Influence Than You Think — Vanessa Bohns On the Meaning of Life (生きがいについて, 1966) — Mieko Kamiya Self-Determination Theory research — Edward Deci & Richard Ryan RELEVANT EPISODES EP 46 – Why Being Nice Isn't Enough at Work (And What Actually Is) Supercommunicators: How to Talk to Anyone at Work This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming Substack: @hazelannfelder (urthoughtdaughterha)

  2. Sep 7

    EP 46 - Why Being Nice Isn't Enough at Work (And What Actually Is)

    IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: Why work happy hours and team events feel like a test nobody explained the rules for The real formula behind magnetic people at work: warmth plus competence, not one or the other Why admitting "I've never done this before" builds more trust than trying to look like you have it together The difference between empathy and empathy-plus-advice, and why only one of them reads as competent Which small talk questions quietly kill a conversation, and which ones open it up Charles Duhigg's three types of conversation, and why most small talk gets stuck in just one of them The research behind why follow-up questions make you more likable, not just more curious Why relationships can matter more than raw talent when it comes to who actually gets picked The one follow-through habit that builds more trust than almost anything else you can do 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "Warmth gets people to like you and trust you. Reliability is what gets them coming back." TIMESTAMPS (0:00) Why work social events feel so awkward (1:14) The career skill nobody teaches: being both professional and personable (4:59) Why vulnerability helps people warm up to you (8:12) Empathy plus advice as a sign of competence (9:08) Why some small talk questions go nowhere (10:34) Practical, emotional, and social conversations (12:27) What magnetic people do differently (13:24) Warmth and competence as the charisma formula (15:49) Study: more questions and follow ups make you more likable (17:17) How to build better follow up questions from what people already said (19:21) Why relationships can matter more than talent (20:20) Practical ways to handle work social events (21:45) The follow through rule and why it works (22:14) Why reciprocity and filtering matter in professional settings (24:12) Reliability as the piece that earns trust (26:06) Body language, handshakes, and open posture (27:35) The acceptance prophecy and why confidence shapes perception (28:32) Final takeaway: you can learn to be magnetic RESOURCES Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators Fiske, Cuddy & Glick's warmth-and-competence research (Princeton) Duke University, 2015 — study on question-asking and likability UK workplace connections survey (People Management) Danu Anthony Stinson's research on the "acceptance prophecy" ADDITIONAL Want the deeper dive on the psychology behind this episode? Full breakdown on Thought Mother Diaries (Substack) — link in bio RELEVANT EPISODES Supercommunicators: How to Talk to Anyone at Work EP 45: That Time I Thought I Got Fired Over a Teams Message This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming

  3. Aug 24

    EP 45- Stop the Spiral

    IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: Why a missed Teams message can send your brain into a full five-alarm spiral — and why that reaction makes more sense than it feels like What catastrophizing actually is, and why it hits early-career workers harder than almost anyone else The real reason your brain treats a non-mistake like a five-star emergency (hint: it's not about willpower) Why the spotlight effect means people are noticing you way less than you think they are Four scripts you can actually use to interrupt a spiral, ask for clarity, and take feedback without turning it into self-attack "Learn from your mistakes, but don't demonize yourself for it." – Quote of the Episode TIMESTAMPS 00:00  Opening and podcast welcome 01:43  Story time — the missed Teams message 06:44  The reality check: it was never a big deal 07:14  Why we catastrophize small mistakes 08:05  Imposter syndrome by the numbers 10:45  Confirmation bias and proving your worst fear 11:34  Perfectionism and the brain's false alarm 16:00  The spotlight effect (and the black t-shirt story) 20:12  Accountability without self-hate 21:49  Four tools to stop the spiral 29:45  The real takeaway 30:35  Closing reflection RESOURCES Asana (2026). Gen Z workers are made for this urgent moment [2026]. [online] Asana.  Beard C. (2011). Cognitive bias modification for anxiety: current evidence and future directions. Expert review of neurotherapeutics, 11(2), 299–311.  Deloitte Global 2025 Gen Z and Millennial Survey, Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). "The Spotlight Effect in Social Judgment: An Egocentric Bias in Estimates of the Salience of One's Own Actions and Appearance." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 211–222. Morgan, A. (2025). Gen Z and Work: Navigating Ambition and Anxiety. [online] Edubirdie Blog.  Stahl J, Acharki M, Kresimon M, Völler F, Gibbons H. Perfect error processing: Perfectionism-related variations in action monitoring and error processing mechanisms. Int J Psychophysiol. 2015 Aug;97(2):153-62. doi: 10.1016/j.ijpsycho.2015.06.002. Epub 2015 Jun 10. PMID: 26071226.  ADDITIONAL The 2-Minute Receipts Check — [link to worksheet / carousel] Companion reels this week: “why does everyone feel like a fraud,” “no one is watching you like you think,” “your alarm is lying” — @clearlybecoming RELEVANT EPISODES EP 19 - Why Mistakes Feel Like Failure (and How to Stop Them from Derailing Your Career) This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecomingTikTok: @clearlybecoming_YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecomingSubstack: @urthoughtdaughterha

  4. Aug 10

    EP 44 - Why are we obsessed with stalking the competition?

    Stalking an ex and stalking your career rival trigger the exact same loop in your brain. This week I get into why, using my own internship ending without an offer as the case study, and what actually helps when comparison starts running the show. In This Episode, You'll Learn: Why stalking an ex and stalking your career competition trigger the exact same comparison spiral What ambiguous loss is, and why an internship ending without an offer can hit as hard as a breakup Festinger’s social comparison theory, and why you compare yourself to your peers instead of celebrities Positional bias, and why you measure yourself against the top performer in the room instead of the average The dopamine loop behind wanting versus liking, and why chasing every attractive opportunity keeps you stuck Why confidence collapses the second comparison gets specific, and what actually holds it steady How to reframe LinkedIn, ghosting, and career uncertainty so an ending stops feeling like a verdict   💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE — "Just because something is ending, it doesn’t mean something else won’t come." Timestamps 00:00 Opening and the comparison spiral 02:00 Why ex-stalking and career comparison feel so similar 04:21 Internship endings, uncertainty, and ambiguous loss 08:12 Using LinkedIn for inspiration instead of self-doubt 09:43 How overplanning can put a ceiling on your potential 11:06 Career market reality and giving yourself grace 13:01 Festinger’s social comparison theory 14:24 Positional bias and why we compare upward 16:14 Ghosting, flaky communication, and anxiety 18:23 Worst-case thinking versus the reality of the situation 20:27 Dopamine, wanting versus liking, and values 22:22 Why confidence drops when comparison gets specific 24:13 Change takes time, and learning takes repetition 25:52 What to remember when something ends without closure 27:45 Reframing LinkedIn as a place to connect and support others 29:41 How to ground yourself when communication feels off 31:08 When comparison can be useful and motivating 32:52 Journaling wins to refocus on yourself 34:18 Who I am clearly becoming and final reflection Resources Competition Shadow: Anchoring to Fear Versus Hope in Estimating Rivals in Competition Goethals and Darley’s (1977) Social Comparison Key frameworks in this episode: Festinger’s social comparison theory Positional bias Dopamine: wanting versus liking Illusory superiority Ambiguous loss Relevant Episodes Ep 18: This is why you feel stuck and what you should do about it EP 33: why ambitious people can’t pick on thing (and why you shouldn’t)   This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. Connect With Hazel Ann Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming Substack: https://substack.com/@urthoughtdaughterha

  5. Jul 27

    EP 43 – Why Your First Job Feels Like Cosplaying an Adult

    Hazel Ann Felder shares her personal journey through the transition from university to the workforce, offering insights on identity, adulting, and navigating career changes. This episode provides practical tips and psychological insights to help recent graduates and young professionals thrive during major life transitions. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: The emotional experience of transitioning from university to work Psychological and neurological insights into adulting and identity Practical strategies for managing uncertainty and adult responsibilities The importance of reflection, self-awareness, and setting boundaries Understanding organizational culture and navigating workplace politics 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "Growth lies in the unknown and the uncertainty." TIMESTAMPS 00:00 The Hidden Struggles of Postgrad Transition 01:21 Introducing Clearly Becoming and Its Mission 04:11 Recent Changes: Graduation and Employment 06:33 The Power of Detachment in Job Searching 08:23 The Surprising Speed of Job Offers 10:44 Psychological and Neuroscientific Insights into Transition 12:33 Shifts in Nervous System and Workplace Norms 16:46 Dealing with Ambiguity and Workplace Politics 20:07 Building an Off Switch and Self-Care Strategies 22:02 Reward Systems and Feedback Loops at Work 28:27 The Identity Crisis Post-Graduation 30:19 Exploration, Commitment, and Building Your Identity 34:04 Practical Tips for Navigating Uncertainty 38:23 Embracing Ambiguity as a Sign of Growth 39:49 Reflections and Moving Forward RESOURCES James Marcia's Identity Framework Rocket Money (Budgeting App)  Thought Daughter (Substack)  ADDITIONAL The transition from university to work: what happens to mental health? A longitudinal study  Adapting To Change In The Transition From College Life To Work Life  Mental health of new and recent graduates during the university-to-work transition: a scoping review protocol  Emotions and feelings in neuroscience education across career stages: a qualitative study with views from alumni, junior and senior academics  Male graduates transitioning into the workplace: managing stress through the sense of coherence components  Self‐esteem change during the transition from university to work  Young People’s Autonomy and Psychological Well-Being in the Transition to Adulthood: A Pathway Analysis  RELEVANT EPISODES EP 32:  How to Become Before You Believe It  This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming

  6. Jul 13

    EP 42  – How to Choose a Career You Won't Regret (Before You're Locked In)

    IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: Why being competent at something doesn't mean it's the right fit for you What occupational regret actually is — and the early signs you might be heading toward it How to identify your career anchor using Schein's framework (the four most relevant to your 20s) Why your major is a signal, not a sentence — and what actually determines career trajectory How to test alignment before you're committed, without quitting everything first Why changing direction isn't failure — and what the sunk cost fallacy is costing you  💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "Occupational regret doesn't come from choosing wrong — it comes from choosing without knowing yourself first. Now you do." TIMESTAMPS 00:00  Why being competent at something doesn't mean it's meant for you 00:23 Welcome back + what this episode is about 01:16 Social pressure, major choices, and occupational regret 02:27 How misalignment compounds into burnout over time 03:35 Personal example: competent but completely drained 04:30 Why energy matters more than skill alone 06:15 Bridge from EP 22: personal branding as identity work 06:29 What brand positioning actually means for your career 07:51 Clarity over likability — how to stop trying to be everything to everyone 08:58 Defining occupational regret — it's not just wishing things were different 09:42 The Sunday dread, the flatness, the early signs 10:48 Why we make career decisions for the wrong reasons 11:42 Introduction to Schein's career anchors 12:21 Anchor 1: Technical / Functional — the expert who hates being managed 12:54 Anchor 2: Autonomy / Independence — not laziness, incompatibility 13:46 Anchor 3: Entrepreneurial Creativity — the multi-hyphenate who can't commit 14:10 Anchor 4: Service / Cause — meaningful field, wrong vehicle 15:48 Flow (Csikszentmihalyi) — your anchor is where flow lives 16:11 Test before you commit — small experiments over big bets 16:58 Personal example: working alone vs. needing connection 17:59 Why it's okay to pivot at any age 19:20 Shadowing, energy audits, and talking to people 5–10 years in 19:45 Sunk cost fallacy and loss aversion (Kahneman) 21:17 Money, survival, and how to make careful decisions about change 22:04 Don't let your excuses become the reason you stay stuck 22:24 What alignment actually feels like — lighter, more confident 23:12 Changing direction isn't failure. It's evidence you're paying attention. 23:20 Final takeaway: regret starts with not knowing yourself first 23:42 11-day challenge: identify your anchor, track your energy 24:47 Clarity Round — rapid fire 26:48 Who am I clearly becoming? 27:40 Final encouragement and sign-off RESOURCES Exploring roots occupational regret  A career with a heart: exploring occupational regret 8 Tips for pulling off a career change from a best selling author   RELEVANT EPISODES EP 22 – Personal Branding: How to Know Who You Are and Show Up That Way This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming Host: Hazel Ann | Clearly Becoming · Solo Episode

  7. Jun 24

    EP. 41 – You're Already Being Influenced. Here's How to Use It. 

    You think you're making your own decisions. You're not — at least not entirely. Influence is happening all around us, all the time. In the campaigns you scroll past. In the defaults you never question. In the room you walk into and the way you introduce yourself. And if you're not aware of it, you're being shaped by it without even knowing. This week, I'm joined by Dr. Gillian Brooks, Associate Professor of Marketing at King's Business School, Director of the Executive MBA programme, and one of the leading researchers on influence, social media, and persuasion. She also happened to be my professor this semester.  We talked about what influence actually is, the ethics of it, how to use it intentionally in your career, and why being ambitious and confused doesn't mean you're behind — it means you're paying attention.  IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: Why influence isn't just for charismatic people and how it's already shaping your decisions without you realising it What the Obama campaign can teach you about building credibility and community from scratch Where the line is between strategic influence and manipulation (and why it matters for your career) What "celebrity capital" actually is and how to build yours even if you have zero followers Why "just be yourself" is incomplete advice and what authentic influence actually looks like How to advocate for yourself in salary negotiations using data, confidence, and timing What AI is changing about influence, and how to protect yourself from it 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE –  "You're not outside of influence. You're already inside it. The only question is whether you're doing it on purpose." — Dr. Gillian Brooks TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Introduction: You're already being influenced  00:37 — Why charisma has nothing to do with it  01:32 — Gillian's career arc and what she learned from every pivot  02:58 — From publicist in Toronto to PhD at Cambridge  05:31 — Inside the Obama campaign: influence at scale  09:10 — The mere exposure effect and the power of consistency  10:45 — Influence vs. manipulation: where's the line?  11:24 — Cambridge Analytica: data, targeting, and non-consensual nudging  14:21 — Celebrity capital explained: social, cultural, symbolic  17:23 — How social media changed the rules of influence  19:54 — Building expertise early in your career  21:57 — Navigating choice overload  26:11 — Gender and negotiation  27:03 — How to negotiate your salary with data and confidence  30:49 — AI, deepfakes, and media literacy  42:01 — Who are you clearly becoming? RESOURCES Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion — Robert Cialdini The Power of Who Gets Heard and Why — Deborah Tannen Cambridge Analytica — BBC Documentary Dr. Gillian Brooks — King's Business School: https://www.kcl.ac.uk/people/gillian-brooks This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming Host: Hazel Ann | Clearly Becoming Guest Episode: ft. Dr. Gillian Brooks

  8. Jun 10

    EP 40 – Reframing Luck: How Hard Work and Mindset Shape Success

    EP. 40 – Reframing Luck: How Hard Work and Mindset Shape Success  Host: Hazel Ann | Clearly Becoming · Solo Episode have you ever looked at someone else's success and thought… wow, they just got lucky? what if luck is not something that happens to you — but something you actually build? in this episode, i am getting into the psychology behind luck, success, and why the most 'fortunate' people aren't just stumbling into opportunity — they are creating the conditions for it. this is for every ambitious, confused twenty-something who has ever felt like success is happening for everyone except them. spoiler: it is not about luck. it is about locus. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: why your perception of luck is shaping the opportunities you notice — or miss the psychology of internal vs external locus of control and why it changes everything how self-efficacy and resilience are the quiet engines behind every 'lucky break' how to recognise opportunities you are currently walking straight past why preparation × opportunity = luck (and what that actually means for your career) 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "Luck favours the prepared mind." — Louis Pasteurif that isn't your era, i don't know what is. TIMESTAMPS 00:00  Luck vs. Hard Work: The Great Debate 04:00  Understanding Locus of Control 10:49  The Role of Perspective in Luck 14:43  Building Your Internal Locus of Control 18:40  Redefining Luck: Preparation Meets Opportunity RESOURCES Locus of Control (Julian Rotter, 1966) – Social learning theory Three Biases That Hold Us Back From Having More Serendipity   Fundamental Attribution Error  RELEVANT EPISODES Ep 29 - How to become before you believe it  EP 16 — How Believing in yourself unlocks new opportunities  This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming

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About

YOU CAN BE AMBITIOUS AND CONFUSED AT THE SAME TIME Clearly Becoming is the podcast and newsletter, hosted by Hazel Ann Felder, for ambitious twentysomethings navigating career chaos, identity shifts, and the pressure to "figure it out." Each week, you get evidence-based tools from neuroscience and psychology, honest conversations with people who've become something (not just achieved something), and frameworks for clarity, curiosity, alignment, and action. Career is the vehicle. Becoming is the destination. New episodes every other Monday

Information

  • Creator
    Hazel Ann
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    48
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Hazel Ann
  • Show Website
    clearly becoming