Garden of Becoming

Nallieli Santamaria
  • 5.0 (1)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

A podcast about becoming more whole and unapologetically alive. Each conversation goes somewhere most wellness content won't: into the body, the shadow, the nervous system, the parts of you that got buried along the way. You’ll find practical, body-based practices that bypass the thinking mind. Shadow work that reclaims exiled power. Tools for turning emotion into clarity. Discover EMDR alongside tantra, astrophysics alongside vision quests, the science of HRV alongside the healing power of poetry. This isn't self-improvement. It's self-reclamation. Come as you are. Emerge more wildly you.

  1. FEB 19

    Who Are You When No One Is Watching? What a Vision Quest Reveals About Your Authentic Self | Lars Borgmann

    What if the person you've been performing your whole life isn't actually you? In this expansive conversation, Lars Borgmann — a therapist and vision quest guide with nearly 30 years of experience leading people into radical solitude — shares what happens when you strip away every mirror, every audience, every distraction, and sit alone in the desert with nothing left but yourself. Lars found his way to the desert in his early twenties, when three days of absolute solitude dismantled everything he thought he knew about who he was. What he discovered — and has since guided hundreds of others to discover — is that most of us have been living from the outside in, building our identities around how others see us rather than who we actually are. This episode is about the courage it takes to stop performing, the beauty and terror of true solitude, and what becomes possible when you finally meet yourself without the noise. What You'll Explore: The Outside-In Illusion: How we unconsciously build identity around other people's perception of usWhat happens to your sense of self when there's no one left to perform forWhy the desert is one of the most powerful mirrors available to usSolitude vs. Loneliness: The critical difference between isolation and true solitudeWhy most people are terrified of empty space — and what that fear is actually aboutThe ancient hermetic tradition of Desert Fathers and why solitude appears in every spiritual tradition across culturesThe Desert as Initiator: Why Lars keeps returning to Sinai, the Sahara, and Siwa on the Libyan borderHow the desert functions as a shamanic container — where everything becomes communicationThe woman who dreamed of falling into the desert her whole life — and what happened when she finally wentFear, Projection, and the Caged Self: How our deepest internal fears get projected onto external images — snakes, darkness, death, strangersThe self-installed cage: how conditioning limits us without our conscious agreementWhat it means to be freed from fear you didn't even know was running youTwo Gurus — Love and Your Nervous System: Why Lars gave full authority to his nervous system as a guiding principleThe difference between love as something you hunt down versus love as something you cultivate from within"If you are looking for love, you won't find it — because you're looking where it is not"Coming Home: The wild disorientation of returning to modern life after deep solitudeWhat the desert reveals about how much stuff we need to feel safeWhy integration is its own initiation About Lars Borgmann: Lars Borgmann is a therapist and vision quest guide who has been leading people into desert solitude for nearly 30 years. His work draws on the hermetic tradition of the Desert Fathers, shamanic practice, and somatic therapy. Lars has guided vision quests in the Sinai, the Sahara, Siwa, Morocco, and Greece. He works through personal referral and the law of attraction — those who need to find him, do. To connect with Lars, send us an email at hello@gardenofbecoming.com and we'll pass along his contact information. Connect with the Garden of Becoming: Instagram: @gardenofbecomingpodcast Email: hello@gardenofbecoming.com If this episode moved you, please leave a review — it helps others find their way here. And share it with someone who's ready to stop performing and start listening.

    41 min

  2. FEB 12

    Taboo as Medicine: The Desires We Hide Might Be the Ones That Heal Us | Shadi Terra on Shamanic Kink & Transformation

    Reclaiming Power and Wholeness Through Shamanic Kink In this bold, deeply embodied conversation, Shadi Terra—co-creator of the Shamanic Kink Immersion—invites us into a trauma-informed, ceremonial approach to BDSM that transforms what's considered taboo into sacred technology for healing. We explore how conscious power exchange, role play, and sensation can offer the nervous system experiences of safety, choice, and love that may have been missing in the past. This episode is an invitation to descend—so you can emerge more whole. WHAT YOU’LL LEARN: Why Shamanic Kink Is Different How it differs from conventional BDSM: ritualized, trauma-aware containers where transformation is the goalHow role play and sensation allow the nervous system to re-experience—and repair—past woundingWhy experiential, embodied practices reach places talk therapy cannotPower Reveals What Needs Healing How stepping into dominance surfaces your conditioning and shadow around leadershipWhy surrender is difficult: what it reveals about trust, safety, and controlHow conscious navigation of power expands your capacity for integrity and presence in all of lifeDescent as Medicine Why going into difficult experiences—not around them—is essential for wholenessHow role play can give wounded parts corrective experiences they never receivedThe Divine Dominant and Sacred Submissive ritual: engaging trust, surrender, and embodied power. ABOUT SHADI TERRA Shadi Terra is a trauma-informed facilitator, ritualist, and co-creator of the Shamanic Kink Immersion and certification program. Their work bridges embodiment, conscious BDSM, and earth-based spiritual traditions to support deep healing, integration, and reclamation of power. Shadi specializes in creating ethical, intentional containers where shadow, desire, and leadership can be explored safely and in service of love. Special Offer:  Shadi has generously offered a 15% discount for their program Pleasure & Purpose: The Ritual of Reclaiming Power, Love & Eros.  Learn more and claim your discount here: https://www.terraviva.love/pleasure-purpose Use code: LIVELIFE15 CONNECT WITH SHADI: www.shamanickink.com www.terraviva.love Instagram: @shamanic.kink | @shadi_terra CONTENT NOTE: This episode includes mature discussions of sexuality, BDSM, power exchange, trauma, and ritual practices. While educational and trauma-aware in nature, listener discretion is advised. CONNECT WITH THE GARDEN OF BECOMING @gardenofbecomingpodcast hello@gardenofbecoming.com If this episode resonated with you, leave a review and share it with someone who's ready to explore the edges of healing.

    43 min

  3. FEB 7

    Is This Crisis a Breakdown or a Threshold? Choosing Love in a Fractured World | Bruce Lyon

    In this profound conversation, Bruce Lyon explores why the collective crisis we’re living through may not be collapse—but initiation. We talk about psychological death and rebirth, the cost of avoiding transformation, and why humanity may be facing a threshold it can no longer postpone. This episode explores: • Why crisis may be initiation knocking at the door • The difference between trauma and true initiation • Why comfort doesn’t mature us • How avoidance of death shows up as mental health collapse, ecological breakdown, and loss of meaning • Why money is not neutral—it carries relational energy • The shift from survival-based living to love-based reciprocity • Why your body is matter’s response to your soul—a gift, not an asset • Sacred emotions like longing, rage, and grief as evolutionary forces • The soul’s intelligence, love, and will—and what must surrender before purpose reveals itself We also explore a radical idea: that matter is not dead substance, but living divinity—and that the way we relate to matter shapes our inner and outer worlds. If you’ve felt that something in you—and in our collective—is being asked to die so something truer can be born, this conversation is for you. About Bruce Lyon: Bruce Lyon is an author, teacher, and poet. He is the founder of Highden Temple & Shamballa School and co-creator of ISTA. His work focuses on initiation—personal and planetary—as well as the reemergence of the modern mystery schools. Bruce has guided thousands through transformative processes that awaken the soul, body, and collective consciousness. Connect with Bruce: Bruce Lyon's books and videos: www.brucelyon.comHighden Temple: www.highdentemple.orgBruce’s YouTube videos: www.youtube.com/@monadicmedia3733 Content Note: This episode explores death, collective crisis, grief, rage, and the psychological process of ego dissolution. While deeply educational and transformative, some listeners may find these topics challenging. Please practice self-care as you listen. Connect with the Garden of Becoming:  Instagram: @gardenofbecomingpodcast  Email: hello@gardenofbecoming.com Review and Share: If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review to help others find this show, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Follow for new episodes weekly!

    48 min

  4. JAN 27

    Chemistry Isn't Enough: What Actually Makes Love Last | Laurie Handlers

    Chemistry gets you in. But it doesn't teach you how to stay. Most people believe if they find the one, happily ever after is automatic. Then reality hits: you're repeating family patterns, don't know how to communicate when triggered, and feel too ashamed to ask for help. Laurie Handlers, founder of the Extraordinary Lovers program, breaks down what actually makes love last—beyond the initial spark. In this episode: The three challenges keeping couples stuck (naive expectations, zero skills, shame)How to stop outsourcing your pleasure and learn what you actually wantWhy your "picker" chooses familiar trauma instead of aligned values—and how to refine itCommunication rituals for truth-telling and confrontationThe gender dynamics no one talks about honestly (and the cosmic joke of biological differences)What it takes to keep relationships juicy for a lifetimeThis is the relationship education you didn't get—covering self-love practices, love of partner, and partnership that manifests something beyond yourselves. WANT TO TRY IT? Start here: Ask yourself: What do I want my partner to do for me that I'm unwilling to do for myself? (Witness you? Hear you? Celebrate you?) Now do that for yourself first.Notice your automatic reactions this week. When you react strongly, pause and ask: "Am I responding to them, or to my mother/father/sibling?"Ask the hard questions: What do I want in my life? What am I willing to do to have it? How honest am I willing to be? ABOUT LAURIE HANDLERS: Laurie Handlers is the author of the international bestseller Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy and creator of the Extraordinary Lovers Program. She has been teaching transformational workshops on sexuality, intimacy, and relationships since 1978, impacting tens of thousands of lives. To Laurie, sexuality is the portal to healing and connects us to our creative life force. As a speaker and facilitator, she has taught on topics ranging from releasing past emotional trauma to Tantra (expansion through awareness). Together with her partner, she offers relationship coaching and workshops on how to be in extraordinary love. Connect with Laurie: Website: www.lauriehandlers.com Instagram: @laurie.handlers Connect with us: Instagram: @gardenofbecomingpodcastEmail: hello@gardenofbecoming.com Review and Share: If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review to help others find this show, and share it with a couple who needs to hear this or someone navigating relationship challenges. New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe and follow for conversations that go beneath the surface.

    37 min

  5. JAN 19

    You've Meditated. You've Cried. So Why Are You Still Stuck? | Juliana Sloane on Depth Hypnosis & Healing Trauma

    In this nuanced and grounding conversation, Buddhist teacher and depth hypnosis practitioner Juliana Sloane explores why not every wound responds to stillness—and why not every wound needs more intensity. Some experiences require co-regulation, discernment, and tools that work beyond the conscious mind. Juliana shares how depth hypnosis and shamanic journey work help people access inner guidance, repair attachment wounds, and bring protection and resources to moments in the past that didn’t have them. Together, we explore how to tell when meditation is supportive versus when it’s no longer enough, and how to recognize when catharsis is genuinely healing—or simply recreating overwhelm. What You'll Learn: When Stillness Isn't Enough: The signs that meditation alone won't heal what you're carryingWhy relational wounds need co-regulation, not solo sittingHow to recognize dysregulation vs. witnessing Hypnosis vs. Meditation—What's the Difference: Why they feel identical but work differently (the field vs. the scalpel)Dispelling myths: therapeutic hypnosis isn't stage hypnosisThe neuroplastic shifts that happen in lighter altered states The Intensity Question: How to tell if catharsis is healing or recreating trauma patternsWhy cultural intensity addiction keeps you stuckWhen gentle approaches work vs. when depth is neededWorking With Your Unconscious Mind: Decoding the symbolic language of trance (similar to dreams)Why guides and inner resources matter for attachment healingThe color-shifting exercise for working with stuck emotions in real timePlant Medicine & Grief Work: Preparation: building relationship with plant spirits through dialogueIntegration tools: journaling, collage, movement, playHow these modalities support death, loss, and existential crisisAbout Juliana Sloane: Juliana Sloane is a hypnotherapist, transformational coach, and Buddhist teacher whose work weaves together wisdom traditions and cutting-edge psychology. Trained in Depth Hypnosis, Applied Shamanic Counseling, Positive Psychology Coaching, and Coaching for the Unconscious Mind, she helps clients move beyond the limits of talk therapy into the deeper terrain of the unconscious mind. A longtime Buddhist practitioner, she brings extensive silent retreat experience and training in Buddhist chaplaincy into her teaching and client work. She teaches meditation retreats and classes throughout the Southwest and works online with clients worldwide. Her writing on meditation, healing, and altered states has been featured in Tricycle Magazine and Spirituality & Health. Juliana is known for creating spaces where clients can access an embodied sense of safety and wisdom as they shift long-held patterns with compassion and clarity. She has supported hundreds of people navigating spiritual emergence, trauma, anxiety, chronic illness, relationship challenges, and major life transitions. Based in Santa Fe, NM, she works with clients across the globe. Connect with Juliana: www.julianasloane.com Connect with the Garden of Becoming:  Instagram: @gardenofbecomingpodcast  Email: hello@gardenofbecoming.com Review and Share: If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review to help others find this show, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Follow for new episodes weekly!

    41 min

  6. JAN 8

    Why Orgasm Feels Just Out of Reach: Rewiring the Nervous System for Pleasure | Usha Rose

    What if the pleasure you're seeking isn't about better techniques—but about teaching your body it's finally safe to surrender? In this deeply personal conversation, Sex and Relationship Coach Usha Rose reveals why your nervous system—not your arousal level—determines your capacity for pleasure. You'll discover why you might plateau during sex, why big emotions and big orgasms are connected, and how to reclaim the parts of your sexuality that got shut down in childhood. This episode includes a live coaching moment where Usha works with me through my own anxious attachment patterns—showing exactly how unconscious blocks keep us from having what we say we want. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: Why Your Nervous System Blocks Pleasure: Why safety, not arousal, is the foundation of orgasmHow your body scans for threat even during intimacyThe connection between emotional range and orgasmic capacitySimple practices: deep breathing, orienting, humming, vagal nerve stimulation Self-Pleasure & Healing Practices: The erotic innocence practice: exploring your body with childlike curiosityHow to use self-pleasure to access grief, memories, and stuck emotionsThe difference between rushed orgasm-focused masturbation and intentional practice Sex Magic & Rewiring: How to use heightened pleasure states to rewire unconscious blocksWhy you unconsciously sabotage what you consciously wantTeaching your nervous system it's safe to have what you desire Intimacy & Attachment: The Wheel of Consent and proximity/distance practices for couplesWhy your inner child gets activated in relationshipsMoving from anxious/avoidant attachment toward secure attachmentHow to navigate mismatched needs without losing yourself ABOUT USHA ROSE: Usha Rose is a VITA™ certified Sex and Relationship Coach and facilitator for the International School of Temple Arts and Liberation Workshops. With over 20 years of professional experience in trauma-informed holistic healing work, she specializes in helping individuals and couples create the nervous system safety needed for deep intimacy and embodied pleasure. By integrating ancient Tantric practices with modern neuroscience, she guides clients from disconnect and numbness into embodied confidence, satisfying sex, and nourishing relationships. Her work addresses the root cause: teaching your nervous system that it's finally safe to surrender, feel, and receive. A dancer, nature-lover, and contributing author to Handbook for Human Potential, Usha creates spaces where science meets sacred sexuality—and where your body finally feels safe enough to say yes to pleasure. RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Wheel of Consent by Betty MartinExistential Kink by Carolyn ElliottDr. Stacey Ellis - Liberation Workshops (inner child healing)Free guided self-breast massage practice (available on Usha's website) SPECIAL OFFER FOR LISTENERS: Usha's Self-Pleasure Rituals Mini-Course (9 guided practices including sex magic, sensuality, and moon time rituals) Normally $50, free for podcast listeners with code: PODCASTAccess at: www.usharose.com/self-pleasure-rituals CONNECT WITH USHA: Website: www.usharose.com Instagram: @usharose This episode contains mature discussions about sexuality, pleasure, intimacy, attachment, and emotional processing. While educational in nature, listener discretion is advised. Connect with the Garden of Becoming: Instagram: @gardenofbecomingpodcastEmail: hello@gardenofbecoming.com Review and Share: If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review to help others find this show, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Follow for new episodes weekly!

    43 min

  7. 12/18/2025

    Anxiously Attached? Here's What's Actually Happening — and How to Heal It | Dr. Elizabeth Willis

    Have you ever caught yourself reaching for your phone at 2 AM, needing to know if they still care? Or rehearsing the same conversation over and over in your head, convinced if you just say the right thing, they'll finally understand? In this conversation, Elizabeth Willis breaks down what anxious attachment actually is—your nervous system in fight-or-flight, shooting your energy out to grab hold of what you think will make you safe. She introduces us to the Self-Pleasure Modality, a practice for learning how to feel rather than think our way through our patterns. Elizabeth explains how building our capacity to hold sensations, especially uncomfortable ones, expands our capacity for joy and aliveness. We explore the shame that comes with anxious attachment and why giving yourself permission to need what you need might be the only way through. And we look at trusting that attraction has intelligence—that even when it pulls you toward the "wrong" people, it might be leading you exactly where you need to heal. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN: Anxious attachment is fight-or-flight energy shooting outward to grab what your wound perceives as securityThe "I have to" energy is your nervous system's signal—I have to text them, I have to know right nowWhy anxious attachment lives in your mind, not your body (because the sensations are too intense to feel)The Self-Pleasure Modality teaches you to strengthen your capacity to stay in your body and feel sensationsHow to practice bringing awareness back to your body—even if you can only hold it for 2-3 secondsPain and pleasure are fully linked—your capacity to feel discomfort expands your capacity for joyWhy shame is so damaging around anxious patterns and how permission changes everythingAttraction has intelligence—the pull toward what scares you might hold exactly what needs healingWhen you access the gold nuggets in your wound, that's where healing happens WANT TO TRY IT? Practice the 2-3 second hold: Next time you feel the "I have to text them" urgency, pause. Bring your awareness back to your body. Feel the sensations—however uncomfortable—for just 2-3 seconds before your mind takes over. Then do it again. And again. This is how you build capacity. ABOUT ELIZABETH WILLIS: Elizabeth Willis, PhD, is the founder and Director of the Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy, the only sexuality school that unites deep, somatic transformation with an award-winning, highly comprehensive curriculum in human sexual development. Her mission through INPI is to integrate Eros back into society, into the places where it has been exiled: education, healthcare, leadership, therapy, coaching, law, entrepreneurship, and the arts. The certification is open to all professions, and INPI has trained teachers, clinicians, mental-health professionals, bodyworkers, midwives, lawyers, executives, artists, and community leaders around the world. Elizabeth is also the author of the forthcoming book The Initiated Teacher, a speaker, adjunct professor, and mother, whose work invites us to reclaim our bodies, restore our power, and bring soulful, sex-positive leadership into every profession and every corner of society. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Institute New Paradigm Intimacy: newparadigmintimacy.comYouTube: Institute New Paradigm Intimacy (for deeper explanation of Self-Pleasure Modality)Main offering: 9-Month Somatic Sex Coaching Certification Program (next cohort begins January 12, 2026) Courses available: Love Addict guideHell and Heartbreak: journeying heartbreak and the medicine of heartbreakThe Dweller on the Threshold Connect with Elizabeth:  Website: newparadigmintimacy.com Instagram: @theunpolishedjourney Connect with the Garden of Becoming: Instagram: @gardenofbecomingpodcastEmail: hello@gardenofbecoming.com Review and Share: If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review to help others find this show, and share it with someone navigating anxious attachment or learning to come home to their body.

    38 min
  8. Stress Isn't the Problem — It's the Messenger | Mike Zoun on What HRV Reveals About Your Nervous System

    12/07/2025

    Stress Isn't the Problem — It's the Messenger | Mike Zoun on What HRV Reveals About Your Nervous System

    What if stress isn't the problem—but how you've been taught to respond to it is? In this conversation, Mike Zoun breaks down why chasing calm keeps you stuck. Through heart rate variability (HRV) measurement and somatic practices, Mike reveals what your body has been trying to tell you all along: that symptoms aren't problems to fix, they're messages to listen to. You'll learn about the three types of stress your nervous system experiences (and why each needs a different response), and how to build capacity to hold whatever arises—not just feel better temporarily. This is about listening to your body as your most committed ally—speaking to you with unconditional love, showing you where you're out of alignment, where you're overextending yourself, and what needs your attention. KEY TOPICS: Why what you think might be “good for you” isn't the same as what's actually good for your bodyThe three types of stress: mental, emotional, and physical (and how to respond to each) Heart rate variability (HRV) and what it reveals about hidden stressBuilding nervous system capacity vs. chasing calmAuthentic expression as nervous system regulationWhy emotions only last 90 seconds (and what keeps you stuck)Movement as medicine: when your body needs activation, not stillness KEY TAKEAWAYS:  Your body's stress response is information, not malfunction Meditation isn't always the answer—sometimes your body needs movement True healing means building capacity to feel more, not numbing symptoms  Authentic expression regulates your nervous system Your body speaks with unconditional love—until your last breath ABOUT MIKE ZOUN: Mike Zoun is the founder of The Present Edge, where he helps clients understand their nervous systems through HRV measurement and embodied practices. His work focuses on building capacity to feel and process emotions rather than managing or suppressing them. Connect with Mike at www.thepresentedge.nl Connect with the Garden of Becoming: Instagram: @gardenofbecomingpodcastEmail: hello@gardenofbecoming.com Review and Share: If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review to help others find this show, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message. Follow for new episodes weekly!

    30 min
See All (20)

Trailer

About

A podcast about becoming more whole and unapologetically alive. Each conversation goes somewhere most wellness content won't: into the body, the shadow, the nervous system, the parts of you that got buried along the way. You’ll find practical, body-based practices that bypass the thinking mind. Shadow work that reclaims exiled power. Tools for turning emotion into clarity. Discover EMDR alongside tantra, astrophysics alongside vision quests, the science of HRV alongside the healing power of poetry. This isn't self-improvement. It's self-reclamation. Come as you are. Emerge more wildly you.

Information

  • Creator
    Nallieli Santamaria
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    20
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Nallieli Santamaria
  • Show Website
    Garden of Becoming