Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz

Rav Shlomo Katz
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“Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz” is a series about the everyday holy work of raising children with heart, patience, and honesty. Join Rav Shlomo in learning from the sefer Da Et Yeladecha by Rav Itamar Shwartz, author of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, and explore how Torah and Chazal guide us in building a healthy, loving connection between parent and child. This isn’t about perfect techniques or quick fixes. It’s about creating a foundation of truth, learning to really listen, and finding the right “funnel” so that what we want to give actually reaches our children. Each shiur is meant to be practical, gentle, and encouraging, and something you can take home and live with.

  1. 16. Developing My Child’s World of Emotions

    6D AGO

    16. Developing My Child’s World of Emotions

    This week’s shiur comes with a warning: parenting is triggering because it not only exposes our children’s inner world, it exposes ours. Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue the conversation about the three garments of the soul—thought, speech, and action— and apply it to a core parenting question: How do we build our child’s world of emotions in a healthy, Torah-aligned way? We explore what it can look like when a parent is emotionally blocked (chasum), how that can echo through marriage, friendships, and even one’s relationship with Hashem—and why “being frum” is not the same thing as emotional closeness. Along the way, we touch on attachment theory (including Rabbi Yaakov Danishefsky’s Attached), the difference between “open” and “everything goes,” and why chinuch isn’t only about fixing negative emotions—but also about actively building confidence, love, and joy. Takeaway: Emotional safety isn’t permissiveness. It’s a home where the child can grow and where feelings can be named, held, and guided… without shutting the child down or turning the home into a free-for-all.---------- For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship and Memorial Acknowledgments01:23 Trigger Warning and Parenting Focus02:37 Three Garments of the Soul04:59 Emotional Blockage in Parents08:29 Childhood Origins of Emotional Closure11:09 Open vs Closed Emotional States14:43 Illusion of Spiritual Closeness16:49 Attachment Theory and the Book “Attached”21:04 Scope of Emotional Education48:20 Psychologists vs Parental Duty in Child Development49:25 Common Questions and Experience of Seasoned Parents51:32 Beyond Negative Emotions: Building Confidence and Joy53:37 Love and Joy as Part of Chinuch55:03 Conclusion and Next Session Plans

    55 min
  2. 15. Love Puts Everything In Perspective

    FEB 8

    15. Love Puts Everything In Perspective

    When parenting gets loud—mischief, nerves, anger—what actually brings you back to yourself? Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David continue the conversation about love, but take it somewhere very practical: love as the daily mindset that quiets anger and restores perspective in the moment. We explore why “hashkacha” tricks to suppress frustration often fail, and why the most effective preparation is what happens before the moment: training yourself to think loving thoughts throughout the day. Along the way, we learn from the “default emunah” example of Reb Leo Dee, connect this to Azamra (finding the good), and reframe success in parenting: not “did my child behave,” but who did I become when I could’ve lost it—and didn’t. We close by opening the next focus: emotional investment in children, the tension between authority and hierarchy in the home, and how to keep parenting from becoming pressure, so it can return to wonder. ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Sponsorship and Introduction01:03 Continuing Last Week's Topic02:07 Soul’s Three Garments: Thought, Speech, Action03:15 Thinking Love: Machshava05:07 Dealing with Child Mischief and Anger07:09 Attempting to Suppress Anger (lehashkiach)12:29 Extreme Faith Example from Reb Leo17:51 Azamra: Recognizing Good in Others22:35 Outcome Focus: Becoming a Calm Parent23:46 Parenting: From Pressure to Wonderment24:54 Finding the Real Outcome of Parenting26:06 Defining the Perfect Goal for Our Children27:15 Upcoming Focus: Emotional Investment in Children28:47 The Best Friend vs Spouse Debate30:41 Natural Love vs Deeper V'ahavta l'Reiache32:46 Couples as Model for Mutual Love36:10 Authority and Hierarchy in the Home41:24 Practical Solution: Daily Loving Thoughts44:15 When Parental Love Expressions Fade45:15 Connecting Children to Their Souls48:12 Guilt and Uncertainty Over Monitoring a Child’s Soul49:17 Navigating Parenting in a Modern, Secular-Influence…51:05 Self-Examination: Am I Poisoning My Child’s…53:58 Protecting the Body vs. Protecting the Soul55:36 Seeking Practical Solutions Amidst Parenting…57:40 Balancing Authority with Humility in the Household

    58 min
  3. 14. Crucial Thoughts of Love

    FEB 1

    14. Crucial Thoughts of Love

    Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David move from “Do they feel our love?” to something even more subtle, and often more powerful: do they live inside our loving thoughts? Building on the classic Chassidic framework of the three “garments” of the soul, machshava (thought), dibbur (speech), and ma’aseh (action), we explore three ways love is revealed, and why most homes naturally excel at action (providing, doing), struggle with speech (saying it clearly), and almost completely overlook thought. A striking line lands hard: a child’s inner voice is shaped less by what we say… and more by what we consistently think. We unpack the “telepathic” reality kids pick up on, why negative bias hijacks our minds, and why pure machshava can be the deepest gift that quietly changes everything downstream. Along the way, we connect it to Ahavat Hashem, bringing Maimonides (Rambam): “m’derech ha’ohavim… she’hem choshevim b’ahavah” — it’s the way of lovers to think in love. This week’s avodah: notice what “invades” your loving thoughts… and practice returning to the simple, holy sentence: “Of course I love my child.”----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Opening and Sponsor Acknowledgments01:39 Thought, Speech, Action Sequence03:10 Three Ways to Express Love05:35 Parental Investment in the Three Garments06:37 Importance of Thinking Before Speaking08:23 The Heart’s Role and “Opening Your Heart”12:14 Why Parents Excel in Action13:58 Why Speech Needs Improvement17:55 Why Thought Is Almost Absent22:52 Does Thinking Love Actually Matter?25:46 Machshava as Tefillah and Presence28:56 “A Child’s Inner Voice Is What I Think”32:57 Why Machshava Feels Unmeasurable36:44 Thinking Love From the Child’s Existence41:27 Thoughts That Expand Space vs. Clog It43:56 Why We Struggle With “Free” Love-Thoughts46:22 How Pain/Judgment Invade Love-Thoughts48:08 Machshava as the Core of the Soul50:09 Parenting with Pure Thought: Guarding the Heart51:25 Next Steps: Focus on This Week’s Study

    52 min
  4. 13. The Need for Verbal Expression

    JAN 25

    13. The Need for Verbal Expression

    What if your child knows you love them… but rarely hears it? In this week’s Know Your Children, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David draw a sharp line between ahavah nisteret (love that exists but stays hidden) and ahavah gluyah (love that’s felt because it’s expressed). Most of parenting is “industrial”—laundry, food, homework, logistics—and yes, it often comes from love. But when love isn’t spoken, kids can grow up emotionally unsure, even inside a home that’s doing “everything right.” Using a mashal from marriage (“I provide everything. Shouldn’t that be enough?”), we explore why provision isn’t the same as connection, why waiting until a child is in crisis is too late, and how small, consistent habits—especially verbal expression and short, regular conversations—can change the emotional climate of a home.' This isn’t about guilt. It’s about learning to say what’s already true so your child can actually receive it.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t CHAPTERS00:00 Opening and Sponsor Acknowledgements01:07 Shiur Overview: Imperfect Love05:28 Identifying Two Problems in Parental Love06:54 Guilt as a Trigger08:09 Patience and Compassion for Ourselves10:09 Emotional Layer Small in Daily Life13:12 Measuring Basic Needs21:26 Hidden vs. Revealed Love Question23:56 Hidden love in daily parenting gestures25:17 Rental car story and parental love realization29:08 Love often known to parents but not felt by kids30:27 Wife's expectations beyond financial provision31:33 Constant verbal communication vital in relationships34:56 Examining parent-child emotional connection42:34 Preemptive emotional conversations with children46:53 Love must be revealed, not hidden, with kids49:21 Metallica Covers and Unexpected Lullabies

    50 min
  5. 12. Do Our Children Always Know That We Love Them?

    JAN 18

    12. Do Our Children Always Know That We Love Them?

    Do our kids know we love them… but still not always feel it? Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David take on one of the most sensitive (and real) parenting questions: a parent can be full of love — and a child can still experience “You don’t love me.” How does that happen? Building off last week’s foundation (that a parent’s love can’t be “perfect” in the way we wish it could be), we explore: Why a child’s inner world often works in all-or-nothing terms (“If it’s not 100%, it’s nothing”)How “You hate me” is rarely about facts — and almost always about experienceThe Chassidic idea that inside a “sheker” there can be a spark of truth to redeem (instead of reacting defensively)Why the first move isn’t “fix it” — it’s finding the shoresh (where the feeling is coming from)And we end with a powerful next step for the series: the importance of verbal love — bituy miluli — especially for parents who struggle to express what they deeply feel. A shiur about love, truth, and building a home where children can walk with a real “shield of love”, even when life gets messy. ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.comJoin Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t Chapters00:00 Opening & Sponsorship Acknowledgements01:26 Today’s Question: Do Children Feel Our Love?04:39 Three Types of Parental Responses05:51 Why Kids Don’t Always Experience Love08:28 Validating Feelings vs Arguing Facts 09:32 What to Do When a Child Says “You Hate Me”11:15 Find the Source Before Trying to Fix15:24 The Assumption: The Feeling Isn’t “Factually True”17:42 The Spark of Truth Inside a Child’s “Sheker”22:30 Where Real Insight Comes From 23:35 End-of-Life Regrets: Work vs Home 24:45 The Pride of Providing — and What Kids Still Need 26:16 Obligation vs Love (and how kids read it) 28:01 If Love Were “Perfect,” Kids Would Feel It Naturally 33:31 The Weak Spot: Where Kids Find “Proof” You Don’t Love Them 36:47 The “Love Funnel” and Why Leaks Change Everything 43:38 Next Week: The Power of Verbal Love 44:41 Personal Story: A Home of Tears & Expression 45:59 The Airport Handshake Moment 47:12 Why That Handshake Stayed for 20+ Years 48:34 Closing + Hope for the Week

    49 min
  6. 11. My Needs vs. My Child’s Needs

    JAN 11

    11. My Needs vs. My Child’s Needs

    In parenting, we want to believe our love is perfect — automatic, limitless, and always putting our child first. But real life has a way of testing that fantasy. Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David unpack a surprisingly relieving truth: a parent can genuinely love their child… and still have moments where their own needs collide with the child’s needs. Sometimes it’s obvious (work, exhaustion, basic functioning). Sometimes it’s subtler (wanting quiet when your child needs connection, wanting “my plan” when your child needs “me”). With honesty, humor, and a lot of compassion, we explore: Why this tension is normal and why denying it makes us less self-awareThe difference between a true need vs. laziness/ta’avahHow “timing” and communication can become a real avodahWhy kids experience reality differently (and how that changes everything)This isn’t a guilt shiur. It’s a clarity shiur — the kind that helps you become more present, more balanced, and more loving in the moments that actually matter. --------- For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t Chapters00:00 Opening and Introducing the Shiur Topic01:05 Natural Parental Love at Birth04:07 Striving for the Perfect Parent13:26 Question of Absolute Unconditional Love18:08 Recognizing Unconscious Preference21:13 “My Need vs My Child’s Need” Examples25:44 The “One Candy Left” Test28:31 Alone Time, Date Night, and the Child’s Experience33:16 Sleep Training as a Case Study35:49 The Pillow at 2:00am: Need or Laziness?37:54 A Parent Has Needs Too40:12 Needs vs. Laziness/Ta’avah (The Real Birur)42:52 The Oxygen Mask Analogy44:40 Timing as a Tool for Discernment46:25 Communication: Helping Kids Understand Reality48:05 Love Isn’t Free of Personal Motives50:58 Generational Shift in Mom Self-Care52:15 Father’s Old-School Wisdom and Child Fear

    57 min
  7. 10. The Essentiality of Love BEFORE Chinuch

    JAN 4

    10. The Essentiality of Love BEFORE Chinuch

    In this new perek of Da Es Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David go straight at a question that sounds “too obvious” to even ask: why do parents need to love their children? And then they flip it. Because love isn’t just a feeling; it’s the soul’s nourishment. From there, they go even deeper: love isn’t only what keeps a child emotionally alive. It’s the “pipeline” that makes chinuch possible. Without a vessel of love, guidance and discipline don’t land. They spill. With a powerful mashal (Kinneret water needs a pipe) and a sharp Torah from the Mishkan (Moshe vs. Betzalel: build the structure before the tools), this shiur reframes parenting: don’t start with tactics. Start by building the home’s foundation of love, so everything else actually reaches your child.----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

    52 min
  8. 9. Nourishing our Children’s Soul

    12/28/2025

    9. Nourishing our Children’s Soul

    Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David explore one of the most basic and most misunderstood foundations of parenting: love. Not love as a feeling we assume is obvious, and not love as a concept we think we’ve already mastered. But love as mazón la’nefesh, nourishment for a child’s soul. Drawing from Da Et Yeladecha, Rav Shlomo reframes love as an essential need, no different from food, clothing, or shelter. Just as a child cannot survive without physical nourishment, a child’s soul cannot grow without love that is given, expressed, and received. This shiur gently challenges the assumption that “they know I love them,” and invites us into a deeper, more honest avodah: learning how each child uniquely receives love, how missed nourishment affects the soul, and why this is something that must be learned, prayed over, and renewed again and again. ----------For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t

    41 min
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About

“Know Your Children with Rav Shlomo Katz” is a series about the everyday holy work of raising children with heart, patience, and honesty. Join Rav Shlomo in learning from the sefer Da Et Yeladecha by Rav Itamar Shwartz, author of Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, and explore how Torah and Chazal guide us in building a healthy, loving connection between parent and child. This isn’t about perfect techniques or quick fixes. It’s about creating a foundation of truth, learning to really listen, and finding the right “funnel” so that what we want to give actually reaches our children. Each shiur is meant to be practical, gentle, and encouraging, and something you can take home and live with.

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