The Awakening Podcast

Heather Foy
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  • Religion & Spirituality

Join our Hosts, Heather and Tamara as they feature guests that have survived 'Religious Trauma' and the stories about that trauma and how they survived.

  1. Aug 12

    Poetry, Deconstruction, and the Art of Coming Undone - With Marla Taviano

    ⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of religious deconstruction, white evangelical indoctrination, purity culture, and spiritual harm. This episode is part of our ongoing James Dobson series. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I continue our James Dobson series with a guest whose work puts language to exactly what that world does to people — author, poet, and artist Marla Taviano. Marla grew up in Middle America, all-in on evangelical faith — it was the center, the focus, the whole of life. (Gracefulatheist) She moved across the globe and back searching for God's will, and somewhere along the way she started asking the questions that wouldn't let her go. What followed was a deconstruction that touched everything — her theology, her politics, her understanding of race and gender and belonging — and she wrote every bit of it down in poetry. Her trilogy — unbelieve, jaded, and whole — traces her courageous journey through faith deconstruction, grief, healing, and wholeness. (Substack) Unbelieve feels like a reckoning with an evangelical past, the dismantling of racism, sexism, and homophobia in the church. (Tearsofeden) Jaded sits in the work left to do — saying the soft part loud, offering language for those in the wilderness trying to make sense of their faith. (Lake Drive Books) And whole celebrates rebuilding — looking back to move forward, new thoughts on God, embodied living, and the freedom to be your true self. (Amazon) Marla also creates stunning word art — her poems hand-crafted onto original illustrated pages — because some truths need to be beautiful as well as honest. This conversation is warm, funny, and deeply human. We loved every minute of it. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Marla's upbringing inside white evangelical Christianity • Her deconstruction journey — faith, politics, race, and identity • How the James Dobson era shaped evangelical culture and families • Writing and art as tools for healing and truth-telling • Her poetry trilogy and what each book holds • Word art — making truth something you can put on your wall Marla's Books: 📖 unbelieve: poems on the journey to becoming a heretic: https://a.co/d/0iykmSKo 📖 jaded: a poetic reckoning with white evangelical christian indoctrination: https://a.co/d/03jtEV27 📖 whole: poems on reclaiming the pieces of ourselves and creating something new: https://a.co/d/09UE4PLS Connect with Marla Taviano: 🌐 Website: https://marlataviano.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marlataviano 🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@marlataviano ✍️ Substack: https://marlataviano.substack.com Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If you've spent years inside a system that told you who to be — and you're only now starting to find out who you actually are — Marla's work will meet you right there. You are allowed to fall apart. You are allowed to rebuild. And you are allowed to make it beautiful. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

  2. Aug 5

    The Traumatic Impact Of Dobson- With Topher Pavonine

    ⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed discussion of child abuse, corporal punishment, and religious trauma. This episode is intended for mature audiences. Please care for yourself as you listen. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I welcome back a familiar voice — Topher Pavonine, survivor of John MacArthur's Grace Community Church, host of the True Crimes Against Wine podcast, and one of our favorite people to think out loud with. Topher is back for a reason. This week we are kicking off something we have been building toward for a while — a series on James Dobson. His teachings. His reach. The damage he left behind in homes, in bodies, and in the lives of children who had no say in what was done to them in the name of discipline. James Dobson built an empire — Focus on the Family, decades of radio, books that sat on the shelves of nearly every evangelical home in America — and at the center of that empire was a theology of child-rearing that baptized physical punishment as godly parenting. His teachings gave religious cover to abuse and called it love. Millions of families followed his blueprint. Millions of children paid the price. We are refusing to carry that story forward quietly. This series is about naming what happened, tracing where it came from, and making clear once and for all — abuse is not discipline. It never was. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Topher's experience surviving John MacArthur's Grace Community Church • Introducing our James Dobson series — what it is and why we're doing it • Who James Dobson is and how he built his influence • How Dobson's teachings shaped evangelical parenting culture • The theology that turned abuse into discipline • What it cost the children who grew up under those teachings • Refusing to pass that legacy on About Our Guest: Topher Pavonine is a survivor of John MacArthur's Grace Community Church and the host of the True Crimes Against Wine podcast — where true crime meets wine in the best possible way. 🎙️ Podcast: https://truecrimesagainstwine.podbean.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/truecrimesagainstwine Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If you were one of the children in those homes — if you were told that what was being done to you was love — we want you to hear this clearly: it wasn't your fault. You deserved protection. What was called discipline was harm, and you were right to know the difference even when no one around you did. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

  3. Jul 22

    Recovering From Religion With Darrel Ray

    ⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of religious deconstruction, religious trauma, and leaving fundamentalist faith. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Dr. Darrel Ray — organizational psychologist, author, atheist activist, and founder of one of the most important organizations in the deconstruction and post-religion space: Recovering from Religion. Darrel grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home in Wichita, Kansas, and spent decades inside faith before leaving religion in his thirties. But leaving wasn't enough — he kept asking a question that wouldn't let him go: how does religion actually work on the human mind? That question eventually led to his book The God Virus: How Religion Infects Our Lives and Culture, and to founding Recovering from Religion in 2009 out of a single monthly meeting that has since grown into an international 501(c)(3) with around 470 volunteers covering virtually every time zone on the planet. Today Recovering from Religion operates a helpline, a chat line, online support groups, and a global network of volunteers serving people at every stage of leaving faith. Dr. Ray also launched the Secular Therapy Project in 2012, connecting clients with secular, evidence-based mental health professionals. This is a conversation about what it takes to build infrastructure for people who have nowhere else to turn — and why that work matters more now than ever. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Darrel's personal journey out of fundamentalist Christianity • How religion works on the mind — and why leaving is harder than it looks • The founding of Recovering from Religion and how it has grown • The resources RfR offers to people at every stage of deconstruction • The Secular Therapy Project and why secular mental health care matters • What the post-religion landscape looks like today Resources from This Episode: 🌐 Recovering from Religion: https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org 📞 RfR Helpline & Chat Line: https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/hotline 🧠 Secular Therapy Project: https://www.seculartherapy.org 🎤 Darrel's Talk — mentioned in the episode: https://youtu.be/LnTtpnZfYfk 📖 The God Virus by Darrel Ray: available wherever books are sold 📖 Sex and God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality by Darrel Ray: available wherever books are sold Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If you're in the middle of it right now — the doubt, the grief, the disorientation of leaving — you don't have to white-knuckle it alone. There are people who have been exactly where you are and built something specifically for this moment. You are allowed to reach out. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

  4. Jul 14

    Current Events and Recent Church Scandals With Tamara and Heather

    ⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of religious trauma, church abuse, child abuse, physical violence, and disturbing content involving children in religious settings. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I are doing something a little different. No guest this week — just the two of us, taking stock of where we've been and what we've seen. We reflect on the guests who have sat across from us this season, the stories that have stayed with us, and the cumulative weight of bearing witness to so much harm done in the name of God. We get honest about what this work does to us — and why we keep doing it. We also dig into the news, because the church never stops giving us material. Steven Anderson — pastor of Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona, a man already banned from more than 34 countries for his anti-LGBTQ rhetoric and calls for the execution of gay people — is now facing abuse allegations from his own children. Four of his adult kids have gone public, describing closed-fist beatings, whippings with electrical cords, starvation as punishment, and years of psychological harm. Anderson's response from the pulpit? He called his children "evil wicked brats," prayed for God to destroy them, and threatened to quit pastoring if they didn't publicly repent. The institution protected him. His own children had to take it to YouTube to be heard. Pastor Tony Spell of Life Tabernacle Church in Central, Louisiana — who you may remember from his COVID-era defiance of public health orders — was arrested on June 23rd for second-degree battery after allegedly running across a four-lane highway to attack his 20-year-old neighbor. He bonded out and went straight to the pulpit, where he told his congregation he had "fulfilled the scripture" by "laying hands on the sick." Body camera footage later showed him using homophobic slurs and threatening the neighbor's father. A protective order has since been issued against him. His congregation applauded. And then there's Pastor Dewayne Walker of Mt. Olivet Baptist Church in Lexington, Kentucky, who apparently decided the best way to teach Vacation Bible School is to have men in camouflage carry air rifles into the sanctuary, simulate shooting someone in front of small children, and lead the kids in chanting "Take him out! Blow him up!" — all while calling it "killing the devil." The video went viral. Walker defended it. He called it a 32-year tradition. Multiple people came forward to say this has been happening since the 1990s, including one person who said they were removed from VBS as a child because they were crying too hard to calm down. This is what accountability looks like in the church. Which is to say — it doesn't. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Reflecting on our guests this season and the impact their stories have had on us • Why their stories keep us out of religious spaces for good • The pattern of unchecked power and zero accountability in institutional religion • Steven Anderson — abuse allegations from his own children and his response from the pulpit • Tony Spell — arrested for battery, went straight to church, called it scripture • The Mt. Olivet Baptist VBS gun skit — and what it tells us about how violence gets normalized in church culture Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If you're listening and wondering why you ever trusted these institutions — that's not cynicism. That's clarity. You were not wrong to question. You were not wrong to leave. And you are not alone in your anger. We see it too. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

  5. Jul 8

    From Morning Star To Freedom - With Tyler Fulton

    ⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of high-control religious environments, spiritual manipulation, and unaccredited religious education. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Tyler Fulton — agnostic social worker, former charismatic, and a man who got the full MorningStar experience and lived to tell about it. Tyler's journey into the charismatic movement eventually landed him at MorningStar University in Fort Mill, South Carolina — the school founded by Rick Joyner, founder and executive director of MorningStar Ministries and a prominent figure in the Charismatic and New Apostolic Reformation movements, known for his emphasis on prophetic revelation, supernatural experiences, and apostolic authority. (AU) Tyler spills all of it — what campus life was actually like, how the institution operates, the fact that MorningStar University is not an accredited institution, and yes — he tells the story of how he came to know Rick Joyner's favorite whiskey. We are not going to spoil it. You just have to listen. Today Tyler is out of the charismatic world entirely and working as a social worker helping people in his local community. His story is equal parts eye-opening, absurd, and deeply human — and we loved every minute of this conversation. In This Episode, We Discuss: • How Tyler got pulled into the charismatic movement • What life was like as a student at MorningStar University • Why MorningStar University is not an accredited institution — and what that means for students • Rick Joyner, MorningStar Ministries, and the culture they've built • The moment Tyler knew it was time to leave • Life as an agnostic social worker on the other side of it all • And yes — Rick Joyner's favorite whiskey Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If you've ever been drawn into a movement that promised something transcendent and delivered something else entirely — you're not alone. The charismatic world is seductive, and leaving it can feel like losing everything. Tyler's story is a reminder that there is a full, meaningful life waiting on the other side. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

  6. Jul 1

    What The Church Covered Up: Surviving Earnest Angley With Azraela

    ⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed discussion of cult involvement, suicidal ideation, child abuse, stalking, and murder. Cassandra Blondheim's story is discussed in detail. Please take care of yourself as you listen. This episode may not be appropriate for all audiences. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Azraela — a survivor of Ernest Angley's Grace Cathedral cult in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio — for a conversation that is as heartbreaking as it is necessary. Azraela shares her firsthand experience of abuse both at home and inside the church, and what it was like to grow up inside a high-control religious environment built around one man's unchecked power. Ernest Angley — the televangelist faith healer who built a megachurch empire — faced decades of allegations including sexual abuse, forced vasectomies and abortions, child labor violations, and a culture of silence and control that protected predators within his walls. Azraela also tells the story of her friend Cassandra Blondheim — a 15-year-old fellow church volunteer who was stalked and ultimately murdered in 1999 by a 27-year-old man named Shane Partin. Investigators found that Partin had been obsessed with Cassandra, and had been told repeatedly by her family and church members to leave the girl alone. At one point Angley suspended Partin from church activities, but then allowed him to return after a so-called healing session — after which Partin stabbed Cassandra to death. Angley's ministry later paid $100,000 in a settlement to Blondheim's family. (Wikipedia) (Roger Ebert) This is a story about what happens when institutions protect themselves instead of the people inside them. Cassandra deserved better. Azraela deserved better. And their stories deserve to be told. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Growing up inside Ernest Angley's Grace Cathedral • Abuse at home and within the church community • The culture of control, silence, and protection of predators inside high-control religious environments • The story of Cassandra Blondheim — and how the church's failure contributed to her death • Survival, healing, and speaking out Connect with Azraela: 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@azraela_the_hagatha Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com To Cassandra — you are not forgotten. To every survivor who has been silenced by a system that chose its reputation over your safety — we see you. Speaking these names out loud is an act of resistance. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

  7. Jun 24

    From Barbie Pink Walls To Freedom - With Heather Ford

    ⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed discussion of childhood sexual abuse, physical abuse, religious abuse, rape, and systemic failure to protect children. Please take care of yourself as you listen. This episode may not be appropriate for all audiences. If you are a survivor in need of support: RAINN Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 | rainn.org Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Heather M. Ford — author of The Barbie Pink Walls That Kept My Secrets of Abuse — for one of the most difficult and most important conversations we have ever hosted on this show. Heather's story is one that the system failed to tell — and failed to stop. As a child she was placed with family, because family placement is often chosen over a child's safety. What followed was years of physical and sexual abuse carried out under the cover of religion, including repeated rape by a known predator who was invited into her home by her own aunt for so-called prayer sessions. The church didn't protect her. The system didn't protect her. And she survived anyway. Heather wrote her story down so it couldn't be buried again. Her book is an act of courage, and this conversation is an extension of that same courage. We are honored to hold space for it. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Heather's experience of abuse within a religious family placement • How religious environments enable and conceal abuse • The failure of family court systems to prioritize child safety • Trauma responses and how they were weaponized against her • Surviving, writing, and reclaiming her own story • What she wants survivors — and systems — to know Heather's Book: 📖 The Barbie Pink Walls That Kept My Secrets of Abuse: https://a.co/d/0avhCZeP Connect with Heather M. Ford: 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@religiouscultsurvivor06 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/religiouscultsurvivor1006 🎙️ Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/033cAYDn0i2894hSdodWsf Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com To every survivor listening — what happened to you was not your fault. Your trauma responses were not the problem. You were a child who deserved protection, and the adults around you failed you. Heather's story is proof that survival is possible, that speaking is possible, and that your story belongs to you. You are not alone. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

  8. Jun 17

    The Pastor Who Left-With Kyle Butler

    ⚠️ Content Note: This episode includes discussion of religious deconstruction, patriarchy, atheism, and the impact of harmful belief systems on relationships and community. This week on The Awakening, Tamara and I sit down with Kyle Butler — former pastor, current atheist, and someone who is refreshingly unafraid to say exactly what he thinks. Kyle's deconstruction took him all the way out of faith entirely, and he's been doing the work of untangling what that means ever since — in his own life, in his relationships, and in the communities he's part of. We get into the messy, real territory of what religion does to dating and romantic relationships, how patriarchy shapes the way we connect with others, and what it actually looks like to shed beliefs that have caused harm — not just to ourselves but to the people around us. This is a honest, wide-ranging conversation that doesn't shy away from the hard questions. In This Episode, We Discuss: • Kyle's journey from pastor to atheist • What deconstruction looks like when it goes all the way • Religion, dating, and how faith shapes our relationship patterns • Patriarchy — how it's baked into religious culture and what it costs us • Shedding beliefs that harm us and our communities • Life on the other side of faith Connect with Kyle Butler: 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kyle_talks23 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/17u5WZHL41/ 🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kyle_talks Connect with Your Hosts: Heather: https://linktr.ee/Happyheathersmiles Tamara: TikTok @feralatheistjezebel321 | Instagram @tamarajo321 🎥 Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAwakeningPodcast-w6s 📩 Be a guest: theawakeningpod@gmail.com If this episode brought up questions about your own relationships, beliefs, or sense of self — that's okay. Deconstruction touches everything, including the people we love and the ways we've been taught to love them. You're allowed to question all of it. You belong here. If you like what you here, check out other great pods on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! Barrett and Zac host The All About Nothing: Podcast, discussing everything from news and politics to entertainment and sports! All About Nothing, but All About Something too! Zac and Barrett host What The Pod Was That with Cari Simmons, available everywhere you listen to podcasts. Take a deep dive down the rabbit hole with Amii on the pod Welcome to Wonder Land. Check out Black White and Blue In the South, With Dr. Jumelle Brooks and Bill Kimler! Politically Speaking with Erica Sampson, Kirsten Pruitt, and Emily Mayer is a sharp, engaging podcast breaking down politics with insight, wit, and a fresh perspective. The Preach Jacobs Podcast is hosted by Columbia South Carolina's very own Ambassador, Hiphop Artist, Columnist and Owner of SoulHAUS Art Gallery, Preach Jacobs! All of these fantastic podcasts can be found on the BIG Media LLC Podcast Network! FAIR USE COPYRIGHT NOTICE The Copyright Laws of the United States recognize a "fair use" of copyrighted content. Section 107 of the U.S. Copyright Act states: NOTWITHSTANDING THE PROVISIONS OF SECTIONS 106 AND 106A, THE FAIR USE OF A COPYRIGHTED WORK, INCLUDING SUCH USE BY REPRODUCTION IN COPIES OR PHONO RECORDS OR BY ANY OTHER MEANS SPECIFIED BY THAT SECTION, FOR PURPOSES SUCH AS CRITICISM, COMMENT, NEWS REPORTING, TEACHING (INCLUDING MULTIPLE COPIES FOR CLASSROOM USE), SCHOLARSHIP, OR RESEARCH, IS NOT AN INFRINGEMENT OF COPYRIGHT. This Video/Audio in general may contain certain copyrighted works that were not specifically authorized to be used by the copyright holder(s), but which we believe in good faith are protected by federal law and the fair use doctrine for one or more of the reasons noted above. If you have any specific concerns about this usage, or our position on the Fair Use Defense, please contact us at preachjacobs@gmail.com so we can discuss amicably. Thank you. Mentioned in this episode: BIG Media LLC Copyright 2026 BIG Media

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About

Join our Hosts, Heather and Tamara as they feature guests that have survived 'Religious Trauma' and the stories about that trauma and how they survived.

Information

  • Creator
    Heather Foy
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    45
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Heather Foy
  • Show Website
    The Awakening Podcast