What I Didn't Know: Building the Life You Recovered For

Netanya Allyson
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In 2018—after years of checking boxes and chasing approval instead of truth—I found myself on a kitchen floor for the first time, finally facing everything in my life that wasn’t working. That moment didn’t end the struggle; it started the rebuild. Welcome to What I Didn’t Know: Building the Life You Recovered For—a podcast for the recovering soul who’s ready to move beyond surviving and into thriving. This is a space for getting better together and healing out loud. We’re here for those who’ve built a foundation of recovery—whether from addiction, trauma, or a painful past—and are now ready to create a meaningful, aligned life on the other side. Using the principles of healing and growth, we intentionally rebuild and redesign every part of life. Each episode explores the real-world challenges and breakthroughs of becoming your truest self, including: • Purpose & Direction — building a future you genuinely desire • Mindset & Patterns — rewriting limiting beliefs and old stories • Conscious Relationships — boundaries, connection, and self-trust • Creative Fulfillment — reclaiming passion and expression This is a space for honest conversations—about letting go, courage, resilience, and the ongoing journey of becoming.  It’s my passion to share what I’ve learned so you can build the life you recovered for. If you’re ready to thrive—not just survive—subscribe and share with someone who needs this.

  1. 3D AGO

    EP23: Learning to Listen | Exhaustion of the Lie and the Purpose of Staying Teachable with Joe Singer

    “The biggest fight I’ve ever fought in my life was with myself.”  When Joe Singer texted his boss at a beer distribution company to admit he was an alcoholic, he expected to lose his livelihood. Instead, he was met with a simple: “Welcome to Step One.” It was a moment of radical transparency that redefined Joe’s relationship with his work and himself. In this raw and un-sugarcoated conversation, I sit down with Joe to discuss the transition from being a liar by trade to the "truth guy." We explore the exhaustion of playing "social media chess" with his own brain and how he navigated the early days of sobriety while working surrounded by the very thing that nearly broke him.  What’s Inside the Episode:  The Friction of the Facade: Joe breaks down why "perfecting the lie" is a mental marathon that leaves you drained, and how radical honesty at work—even in a beer distribution center—became his greatest shield. The Non-Recovery Partner Dynamic: A vulnerable look at the reality of staying sober when your partner is not in recovery, focusing on the internal shift required to maintain your own sobriety and the boundaries necessary when alcohol remains in the home.The "I Thought" vs. "I Stopped" Rule: Joe’s masterclass in relapse prevention, identifying the exact moment we begin to manipulate ourselves and why "staying in motion" is the only way to outpace the darkness. “Depression loves a stationary object.” Joe reminds us that while our own heads are a "mighty big place to live," the secret is staying in motion. From the quiet focus of his woodshop to the grounding responsibility of a new dog, this episode is about finding the purpose of staying teachable, opening the blinds, and sticking to the recipe. Full show notes at netanyaallyson.com/episodes/23

    1h 13m

  2. JAN 27

    EP22: Stronger at the Break | Reinforcing Your Life for a Great Adventure with Russ Pollard

    What happens when the life you dreamed of finally arrives, but you’re too "broken" to actually live it? This week, I’m talking with Russ Pollard, a professional musician and DJ who has lived the full arc—from touring the world on a bus to finding a profound, quiet peace in the present. We look past the early days of survival to talk about the practice of presence and what it really takes to live a life of abundance without the weight of the past. The Heart of the Conversation The Repaired Headstock: Russ shares a powerful metaphor from a guitar tech—why a guitar neck is actually stronger at the point where it once broke. It’s a complete reframe on what it means to be "damaged."The Three-Foot Circumference: How to stop reacting to the world and start owning the small space around you. We talk about the "power of the pause" and how grace eventually becomes an automatic reflex.The Courage to Be Happy: Why so many of us are afraid to be "too successful." Russ and I discuss how to be deeply humble while finally giving yourself permission to receive everything you’ve worked for.Why You Need to Hear This This episode is for anyone who has done the "backwards work" of healing and is ready to look at the horizon. It’s a reminder that you don’t have to stay in the wound to stay humble. You have permission to enjoy the life you’ve built — and you are finally strong enough to lead it. Full show notes at https://www.netanyaallyson.com/episodes/22

    1h 17m

  3. JAN 20

    EP21: The Survivalist Brain | Why Addiction is an Ancient Power in a Modern World with Casey Hyatt

    Is addiction a genetic defect, or a survival superpower trapped in the wrong century? In this episode, I sit down with Casey Hyatt, a Master’s level clinician with over 15 years of experience, to look beyond the clinical labels of addiction. We explore a perspective that is both intellectually stimulating and deeply humanizing: the idea that the traits often branded as "disorders" are actually ancient survival mechanisms—evolutionary strengths that have been short-circuited by the modern world. Key Insights from our Conversation: The Biology of the "Hunt": We discuss why the same drive that made our ancestors successful hunters can leave us feeling "hijacked" today. Casey explains how dopamine—originally designed to reward the survival of the tribe—can be short-circuited by modern substances, turning our natural strengths into a cycle of survival.The Landscape of Healing: We explore the transition from "recovering from" a tragedy to "recovering to" a life of passion and purpose. This involves navigating the weight of generational trauma and learning the vital difference between loving at someone and truly loving with them through healthy boundaries.From Shame to Sovereignty: We examine why the "phenomenon of craving" feels beyond our control and how to replace that shame with self-acceptance. By recognizing that we aren’t "broken," but rather high-capacity individuals navigating a mismatched world, we can finally move from the isolation of addiction to the abundance of a life we love.This conversation is for anyone who has struggled to reconcile their past with their worth. It is an invitation to put down the weight of shame and understand the profound resilience of the human spirit. Full show notes at https://www.netanyaallyson.com/episodes/21

    1 hr

  4. JAN 13

    EP20: Resiliency, Reclaimed | The Fire and the Joy of a New Life with Haven Thomas

    "We want what you guys are on!" That’s what a young couple told today’s guest Haven Thomas while she was dancing sober at a club with her partner.  Their secret? No "magic potions"—just recovery, better company, and a reclaimed sense of self. One of the biggest hurdles to starting recovery is the fear that life is about to become stiff, bitter, and boring. In this episode, Haven and I dismantle that myth. From roller skating at Pride to seeing UK DJs in Milwaukee, we talk about how we traded "gripping" onto a life of peril for a life of genuine, hilarious, and memorable fun. Main highlights from our conversation: The "99% Sober" Trap: Why keeping one foot in and one foot out is the most exhausting way to live, and why "taking it off the table" is the only way to find true clarity.The Exit Strategy: The tactical power of giving yourself permission to leave any situation that "sucks"—and why having your own car is a sobriety superpower.The 100% Success Rate: A powerful perspective on resiliency—remembering that no matter how many "crazy positions" you’ve been in, you have a perfect record of figuring it out so far.Haven’s story is proof that you don't have to lose your "fire" to find your peace. You don’t have to be in peril to choose a better path—you just have to be willing to take the old one off the table. Full show notes at https://www.netanyaallyson.com/episodes/20

    1h 1m

  5. JAN 6

    EP19: The Anchor Effect | Reparenting, Risk, and the Power of Regulation with Talmadge Lowe

    "She’s not giving me a hard time; she’s having a hard time." We often think of leadership and parenting as acts of control. But the greatest tool you have isn’t your ability to "fix" a situation—it’s your ability to stay steady within it.  In this deeply soulful episode, Talmadge Lowe and I sit down to explore the life-changing shift from living in a "bracing" stance—that exhausting, automatic state of being "on guard"—to becoming an anchor for every room you enter. This is more than a conversation about behavior; it is a roadmap for reparenting yourself through the high-stakes act of raising others.  Together, we explore:  The Superpower of Regulation: How to move from a defensive stance to an open, receptive state that steadies your children, your marriage, and your team. Healing the Inner Child: Practical ways to acknowledge the younger, scared parts of yourself so they no longer drive your adult decisions. The Future-Self Filter: Why self-love is an action, not a feeling. We discuss making bold decisions today based on the person you are becoming. This episode is an invitation to choose a more compassionate path toward your own development. It’s a reminder that your worth isn’t tied to perfection: you can make mistakes and still be "good." You can be "grouchy" and still be deeply of service. The work isn't about being flawless; it’s about the bravery of staying present. Full show notes at https://www.netanyaallyson.com/episodes/19

    1h 35m

  6. 12/30/2025

    EP18: Permission to Change | Why Healing Requires Raw Honesty with Alan Horsnell

    "Our secrets keep us sick, but our truth sets us free."  There is a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from keeping our own secrets. We think we’re being strong by staying silent, but that 'safety' is what keeps us stuck. Today’s guest, Alan Horsnell, lived behind that wall of silence for over two decades before realizing that raw honesty is the prerequisite for healing. Now 13 years into his recovery, Alan opens up about breaking his own stigma, shedding the fear of being a burden, and leaning into the profound power of being uncomfortable. In This Episode: The Vocabulary of Truth: We explore how gaining the right words for our mental health—like distinguishing between intrusive thoughts and active intent—removes the power of shame and stops the cycle of isolation. Dual Diagnosis & The Mountain Metaphor: A deep dive into the "chicken and egg" relationship between addiction and mental health. Alan explains why we eventually have to shed our "safety furs" and walk into the uncomfortable unknown to find real freedom. The Vulnerability Muscle: Why healing isn't a "one-and-done" event but a practice. We discuss the act of vibe-checking your support system and how "going first” with your truth gives everyone else permission to do the same. If you’ve been waiting for permission to be real, to be seen, and to be different—this conversation is for you. Full show notes at https://www.netanyaallyson.com/episodes/18

    48 min

  7. 12/23/2025

    EP17: Breaking the Cycle | Healing Generational Patterns and Ending Self-Betrayal with Leah Pryor

    Have you ever realized that the 'bag of rocks' you’ve been carrying doesn't even belong to you?  In this reunion, Leah and I reflect on the two years since we met in Bali, diving into the raw and often difficult work of true personal healing. We pull back the curtain on how suppressed anger can hide behind sadness, sharing our own stories of walking away from careers in education and surviving marriages marked by trauma. It is a conversation about the moment you decide to stop betraying yourself and finally look at the emotional burdens you’ve been carrying for a lifetime.  In this episode, we dig into:  The Anger Trap: Why we often mistake rage for sadness and how to finally name what you’re feeling. Breaking Generational Patterns: How Leah used Family Constellation Therapy to uncover hidden family history and heal ancestral wounds. The Fear Compass: A simple framework to help you distinguish between a fear that suffocates your spirit and a fear that is actually inviting you to expand. We get specific about the tools that gave us our lives back, from the Hawaiian forgiveness practice of Ho'oponopono to the ancient Indian self-reflection game of Leela. I also get vulnerable about my own struggle with self-worth and the exhausting fear of being either "too much" or "never enough." From the physical release of water therapy to the quiet power of honoring your own "no," this episode is about the courage it takes to reclaim your voice and find the freedom that only comes through radical self-forgiveness.  Because the hardest part of healing isn't just facing your past—it’s deciding to stop betraying yourself in the present. Full show notes at https://www.netanyaallyson.com/episodes/17

    1h 16m

  8. 12/19/2025

    EP16: From the Heart | Boundaries, Consequences, and the Fantasy of Potential

    Why do we stay in cycles that hurt us? In this episode, we explore the true catalyst for transformation: the moment the pain of staying in a destructive pattern finally becomes greater than the pain of making a change. I share my personal story of recovery, highlighting why "loud" consequences were the necessary factor in my shift and how we often accidentally hinder others by shielding them from their own natural outcomes.  We also dive into the "Potential Trap"—the danger of holding onto a fantasy of who someone could be instead of believing the person their actions are showing them to be today. We discuss why a boundary without a consequence is just a bunch of words, and how to stop teaching people that you are available for mistreatment.  Finally, we look at what happens when you are the one who changes. When you choose to grow, it "changes the dance," which can be triggering for those around you who are still doing the old steps. Tune in to learn how to navigate the honest, messy, and necessary cost of growth with more grace and deep clarity.

    17 min
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About

In 2018—after years of checking boxes and chasing approval instead of truth—I found myself on a kitchen floor for the first time, finally facing everything in my life that wasn’t working. That moment didn’t end the struggle; it started the rebuild. Welcome to What I Didn’t Know: Building the Life You Recovered For—a podcast for the recovering soul who’s ready to move beyond surviving and into thriving. This is a space for getting better together and healing out loud. We’re here for those who’ve built a foundation of recovery—whether from addiction, trauma, or a painful past—and are now ready to create a meaningful, aligned life on the other side. Using the principles of healing and growth, we intentionally rebuild and redesign every part of life. Each episode explores the real-world challenges and breakthroughs of becoming your truest self, including: • Purpose & Direction — building a future you genuinely desire • Mindset & Patterns — rewriting limiting beliefs and old stories • Conscious Relationships — boundaries, connection, and self-trust • Creative Fulfillment — reclaiming passion and expression This is a space for honest conversations—about letting go, courage, resilience, and the ongoing journey of becoming.  It’s my passion to share what I’ve learned so you can build the life you recovered for. If you’re ready to thrive—not just survive—subscribe and share with someone who needs this.

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