What I Didn't Know: Building the Life You Recovered For

Netanya Allyson
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In 2018—after years of checking boxes and chasing approval instead of truth—I found myself on a kitchen floor for the first time, finally facing everything in my life that wasn’t working. That moment didn’t end the struggle; it started the rebuild. Welcome to What I Didn’t Know: Building the Life You Recovered For—a podcast for the recovering soul who’s ready to move beyond surviving and into thriving. This is a space for getting better together and healing out loud. We’re here for those who’ve built a foundation of recovery—whether from addiction, trauma, or a painful past—and are now ready to create a meaningful, aligned life on the other side. Using the principles of healing and growth, we intentionally rebuild and redesign every part of life. Each episode explores the real-world challenges and breakthroughs of becoming your truest self, including: • Purpose & Direction — building a future you genuinely desire • Mindset & Patterns — rewriting limiting beliefs and old stories • Conscious Relationships — boundaries, connection, and self-trust • Creative Fulfillment — reclaiming passion and expression This is a space for honest conversations—about letting go, courage, resilience, and the ongoing journey of becoming.  It’s my passion to share what I’ve learned so you can build the life you recovered for. If you’re ready to thrive—not just survive—subscribe and share with someone who needs this.

  1. 11H AGO

    EP20: Resiliency, Reclaimed | The Fire and the Joy of a New Life with Haven Thomas

    "We want what you guys are on!" That’s what a young couple told today’s guest Haven Thomas while she was dancing sober at a club with her partner.  Their secret? No "magic potions"—just recovery, better company, and a reclaimed sense of self. One of the biggest hurdles to starting recovery is the fear that life is about to become stiff, bitter, and boring. In this episode, Haven and I dismantle that myth. From roller skating at Pride to seeing UK DJs in Milwaukee, we talk about how we traded "gripping" onto a life of peril for a life of genuine, hilarious, and memorable fun. Main highlights from our conversation: The "99% Sober" Trap: Why keeping one foot in and one foot out is the most exhausting way to live, and why "taking it off the table" is the only way to find true clarity.The Exit Strategy: The tactical power of giving yourself permission to leave any situation that "sucks"—and why having your own car is a sobriety superpower.The 100% Success Rate: A powerful perspective on resiliency—remembering that no matter how many "crazy positions" you’ve been in, you have a perfect record of figuring it out so far.Haven’s story is proof that you don't have to lose your "fire" to find your peace. You don’t have to be in peril to choose a better path—you just have to be willing to take the old one off the table.

    1h 1m

  2. JAN 6

    EP19: The Anchor Effect | Reparenting, Risk, and the Power of Regulation with Talmadge Lowe

    "She’s not giving me a hard time; she’s having a hard time." We often think of leadership and parenting as acts of control. But the greatest tool you have isn’t your ability to "fix" a situation—it’s your ability to stay steady within it.  In this deeply soulful episode, Talmadge Lowe and I sit down to explore the life-changing shift from living in a "bracing" stance—that exhausting, automatic state of being "on guard"—to becoming an anchor for every room you enter. This is more than a conversation about behavior; it is a roadmap for reparenting yourself through the high-stakes act of raising others.  Together, we explore:  The Superpower of Regulation: How to move from a defensive stance to an open, receptive state that steadies your children, your marriage, and your team. Healing the Inner Child: Practical ways to acknowledge the younger, scared parts of yourself so they no longer drive your adult decisions. The Future-Self Filter: Why self-love is an action, not a feeling. We discuss making bold decisions today based on the person you are becoming. This episode is an invitation to choose a more compassionate path toward your own development. It’s a reminder that your worth isn’t tied to perfection: you can make mistakes and still be "good." You can be "grouchy" and still be deeply of service. The work isn't about being flawless; it’s about the bravery of staying present.

    1h 35m

  3. 12/30/2025

    EP18: Permission to Change | Why Healing Requires Raw Honesty with Alan Horsnell

    "Our secrets keep us sick, but our truth sets us free."  There is a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from keeping our own secrets. We think we’re being strong by staying silent, but that 'safety' is what keeps us stuck. Today’s guest, Alan Horsnell, lived behind that wall of silence for over two decades before realizing that raw honesty is the prerequisite for healing. Now 13 years into his recovery, Alan opens up about breaking his own stigma, shedding the fear of being a burden, and leaning into the profound power of being uncomfortable. In This Episode: The Vocabulary of Truth: We explore how gaining the right words for our mental health—like distinguishing between intrusive thoughts and active intent—removes the power of shame and stops the cycle of isolation. Dual Diagnosis & The Mountain Metaphor: A deep dive into the "chicken and egg" relationship between addiction and mental health. Alan explains why we eventually have to shed our "safety furs" and walk into the uncomfortable unknown to find real freedom. The Vulnerability Muscle: Why healing isn't a "one-and-done" event but a practice. We discuss the act of vibe-checking your support system and how "going first” with your truth gives everyone else permission to do the same. If you’ve been waiting for permission to be real, to be seen, and to be different—this conversation is for you.

    48 min

  4. 12/23/2025

    EP17: Breaking the Cycle | Healing Generational Patterns and Ending Self-Betrayal with Leah Pryor

    Have you ever realized that the 'bag of rocks' you’ve been carrying doesn't even belong to you?  In this reunion, Leah and I reflect on the two years since we met in Bali, diving into the raw and often difficult work of true personal healing. We pull back the curtain on how suppressed anger can hide behind sadness, sharing our own stories of walking away from careers in education and surviving marriages marked by trauma. It is a conversation about the moment you decide to stop betraying yourself and finally look at the emotional burdens you’ve been carrying for a lifetime.  In this episode, we dig into:  The Anger Trap: Why we often mistake rage for sadness and how to finally name what you’re feeling. Breaking Generational Patterns: How Leah used Family Constellation Therapy to uncover hidden family history and heal ancestral wounds. The Fear Compass: A simple framework to help you distinguish between a fear that suffocates your spirit and a fear that is actually inviting you to expand. We get specific about the tools that gave us our lives back, from the Hawaiian forgiveness practice of Ho'oponopono to the ancient Indian self-reflection game of Leela. I also get vulnerable about my own struggle with self-worth and the exhausting fear of being either "too much" or "never enough." From the physical release of water therapy to the quiet power of honoring your own "no," this episode is about the courage it takes to reclaim your voice and find the freedom that only comes through radical self-forgiveness.  Because the hardest part of healing isn't just facing your past—it’s deciding to stop betraying yourself in the present.

    1h 16m

  5. 12/19/2025

    EP16: From the Heart | Boundaries, Consequences, and the Fantasy of Potential

    Why do we stay in cycles that hurt us? In this episode, we explore the true catalyst for transformation: the moment the pain of staying in a destructive pattern finally becomes greater than the pain of making a change. I share my personal story of recovery, highlighting why "loud" consequences were the necessary factor in my shift and how we often accidentally hinder others by shielding them from their own natural outcomes.  We also dive into the "Potential Trap"—the danger of holding onto a fantasy of who someone could be instead of believing the person their actions are showing them to be today. We discuss why a boundary without a consequence is just a bunch of words, and how to stop teaching people that you are available for mistreatment.  Finally, we look at what happens when you are the one who changes. When you choose to grow, it "changes the dance," which can be triggering for those around you who are still doing the old steps. Tune in to learn how to navigate the honest, messy, and necessary cost of growth with more grace and deep clarity.

    17 min

  6. 12/16/2025

    EP15: Finding Your Voice | The Healing Power of Radical Self-Honesty with Reed Hendricks

    This week, I sat down with Reed Hendricks for one of the most moving conversations I’ve ever hosted. We trace his journey from the silence of childhood trauma to a life guided by radical authenticity. Reed shares openly about how gaslighting led to years of people-pleasing and compartmentalization, and the profound internal work—rooted in sobriety—that allowed him to finally find his voice and establish healthy boundaries.  The heart of Reed’s healing is his commitment to full accountability. We discuss how his willingness to own his mistakes became the bridge to repairing relationships and breaking painful generational cycles. Today, Reed maintains a beautiful, unified extended family unit with his ex-wife—a powerful testament to what is possible when we choose to be real rather than right.  I am deeply moved by Reed’s presence: he is a man who lives in the pause, leads with vulnerability, and chooses connection over transaction. He shares a guiding truth that stayed with me: "I never have to live in a secret again because I have a voice." If you’ve ever felt the need to hide your true self, Reed’s story is a vital reminder that self-acceptance is the path to your greatest freedom.

    1h 4m

  7. 12/09/2025

    EP14: The Unorthodox Recovery | Atheism, Accountability, and the 12-Step Paradigm with Steve Sarin

    Is the standard recovery path the only path to a healthy life? This week’s episode features certified recovery coach and digital marketer Steve Sarin, who shares an open, honest perspective, challenging traditional concepts in sobriety to make room for a more flexible, individualized approach. This powerful conversation affirms that all pathways are valid.  We dive into controversial but crucial topics with a welcoming approach. Steve shares his methods for making the 12 Steps work for the militant atheist, explaining how principles like humility and peer accountability can be applied to follow the program without the traditional concept of a Higher Power. We explore why the recovery community must move beyond stigmatizing language like "addict" and "alcoholic," and clarify the vital differences between peer support and professional clinical care.  The conversation moves into personal development, where Steve offers practical advice on setting rigid boundaries with friends and family, and the emotional work required to identify and let go of superficial, substance-based relationships. We conclude with a powerful challenge: look closely at the concepts you are most resistant to, as that is often where your greatest personal breakthrough lies. If you believe your recovery should be flexible, personalized, and open to all options, this episode is a blueprint for creating a resilient foundation that works for you.

    1h 7m

  8. 12/02/2025

    EP13: The Greatest Rebellion | Following Your Own Pulse with Molly Martin

    On this week's episode, I talk with Molly Martin, founder of the culinary events company Juniper Green, about one of the most vital acts of leadership: finding the courage to protect your biggest aspirations from the well-intentioned people who love you but sometimes struggle to grasp the scope of your vision. We open with the "Running into the Room" experience—when enthusiasm temporarily outweighs judgment—and discuss how this impulse requires navigating a messy middle ground of accountability and ambition. We challenge the toxic belief that you must be burned out and broke to do meaningful work, exploring a new self-care model based on radical honesty and deep self-reflection.  Molly and I dive into the power of realizing that many industry systems are “made up,” which can lead to breakthrough innovation. Ultimately, success demands the constant balance of leadership, responsibility toward a team, and the unwavering commitment to your most authentic vision.  Join us for an honest look at ambition, integrity, and the greatest rebellion of all: the simple power of following your own pulse.

    1h 19m
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About

In 2018—after years of checking boxes and chasing approval instead of truth—I found myself on a kitchen floor for the first time, finally facing everything in my life that wasn’t working. That moment didn’t end the struggle; it started the rebuild. Welcome to What I Didn’t Know: Building the Life You Recovered For—a podcast for the recovering soul who’s ready to move beyond surviving and into thriving. This is a space for getting better together and healing out loud. We’re here for those who’ve built a foundation of recovery—whether from addiction, trauma, or a painful past—and are now ready to create a meaningful, aligned life on the other side. Using the principles of healing and growth, we intentionally rebuild and redesign every part of life. Each episode explores the real-world challenges and breakthroughs of becoming your truest self, including: • Purpose & Direction — building a future you genuinely desire • Mindset & Patterns — rewriting limiting beliefs and old stories • Conscious Relationships — boundaries, connection, and self-trust • Creative Fulfillment — reclaiming passion and expression This is a space for honest conversations—about letting go, courage, resilience, and the ongoing journey of becoming.  It’s my passion to share what I’ve learned so you can build the life you recovered for. If you’re ready to thrive—not just survive—subscribe and share with someone who needs this.

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