SEO F**king What - Get Found on Google, make money from your website

Nikki Pilkington

This podcast exists because you deserve better than the SEO bollocks currently being sold to you. Every week, I'll give you 10-15 minutes of straight talk about SEO. Practical advice that actually works for B2B websites trying to get found on Google/search and make money. The kind of stuff that's been proven over years, not dreamed up last Tuesday by some LinkedIn tosspot. Real SEO from someone who's been doing this since dial-up was considered fast. I'll tell you what works, what's complete nonsense, and which tactics will get your website buried faster than you can say "guaranteed first page rankings." I'm calling out the bullshitters. The agencies promising the world and delivering f**k all. The LinkedIn gooroos flogging courses about things that don't actually exist. The AI SEO "hacks" destroying perfectly good websites. The expensive tools you don't need. The "experts" who learned SEO from a YouTube video three months ago. If someone's talking bollocks about SEO, you'll hear about it here. More importantly, I'm telling you what to do instead. Every rant comes with actual, practical steps you can take. Real actions that get results, not theory that sounds clever but does bugger all for your rankings. "Do this, then do that, and you'll see movement." That's it. That's the format. You're running a B2B business or managing a B2B website. You've probably been burned by an SEO agency before. Maybe they took your money and delivered a fancy report full of words that meant absolutely nothing. Or they promised first page rankings and disappeared after six months of bugger all results. You're sick of reading blog posts that say nothing in 2000 words. You're tired of SEO "tips" that are either blindingly obvious or completely bizarre. You want someone to cut through the crap and tell you what actually matters for your business, not what works for some massive ecommerce site with a budget the size of a small country. You don't need a PhD in technical SEO. You need to know what's worth your time and what's complete bollocks. You need to know which tactics will actually bring in leads and which ones are just expensive ways to make yourself feel busy. That's what I'm here for. This isn't some sanitised, corporate-approved SEO podcast where everyone's lovely and we pretend all tactics are equally valid. They're not. Some are brilliant. Most are pointless. And some will actively f**k up your website while the "expert" who recommended them is off selling the same dodgy advice to the next poor sod. I swear. A lot. If that bothers you, there are plenty of other podcasts out there with hosts who never offend anyone. Go find them. They're very nice. They're also very boring. This also isn't a podcast that assumes you're stupid. You're not. You're just busy running a business and don't have time to decode the latest algorithm update or work out which SEO tactic is legitimate and which one's complete fantasy. Fifteen minutes. One topic. I'll tell you what's pissing me off this week in the SEO industry, why it matters to your website, and what you should actually do about it. Then I'm done. You can get back to running your business. New episodes drop weekly, because the SEO industry creates fresh b******t faster than I can rant about it. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts so you don't miss the next time some gooroo invents a new problem to sell you the solution to. Welcome to SEO F**king What? Let's fix your website.

  1. You Haven't Read Your Own Website, Have You? Time For a Content Audit!

    6D AGO

    You Haven't Read Your Own Website, Have You? Time For a Content Audit!

    When did you last actually read every page of your website? Not edit it, not skim it — read it like a visitor would. If the answer is “I can’t remember” or “never” — this episode is for you. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of “SEO F**king What”, I’m walking you through one of the most unglamorous but genuinely useful things you can do for your SEO — a content audit. Not to make your life miserable, but because Google crawls every single page on your website, and right now some of those pages are actively working against you. Here’s what I’m covering: Why most website owners have no idea how many pages they actually have (and why that’s a problem)How to build a simple URL spreadsheet without needing any fancy toolsThe intent column — and why filling it in manually is the bit that actually mattersThe four questions to ask about every single page: Is it helpful? Is it current? Did AI write it (properly)? Does it have a call to action?Why re-dating old posts doesn’t fool Google — and what to actually do insteadWhy unedited AI content is probably hurting your rankings more than helping themThe Keep / Fix / Kill framework — and the priority order for tackling each categoryWhy a smaller, tighter website often outperforms a sprawling one full of filler I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the “I’ll do it someday” kind. The start-your-spreadsheet-this-week kind. If you know someone who hasn’t properly looked at their website in years, send them this. It might save them from a very unpleasant surprise. Get found. Make money. Go look at your content. Links mentioned: Screaming Frog SEO Spider: https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/seo-spider/ Crawly: https://crawly.diffbot.com/ Non-Wanky SEO Course: https://nonwankyseo.com Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social Chapters: 00:00 — When did you last actually read your website? 00:15 — Welcome to SEO F**king What 00:26 — Why today builds on the last episode 00:38 — Why a content audit sounds boring but isn’t 00:58 — How many pages does your website actually have? 01:22 — Why Google crawls everything 01:40 — The content that actively hurts your rankings 02:20 — What a content audit reveals 02:32 — Step 1: The spreadsheet 03:13 — Step 2: The intent column 03:42 — Tools for bigger sites: Screaming Frog and Crawley 04:34 — Question 1: Is it helpful? 05:34 — Question 2: Is it current? 06:10 — Question 3: Did AI write it? 07:15 — Question 4: Does it have a call to action? 08:31 — You’ve got your spreadsheet. Now what? 09:04 — The Non-Wanky SEO course 09:27 — Keep / Fix / Kill: what to do with each page 09:36 — Leave your working pages alone 09:56 — Update helpful-but-outdated pages 10:28 — Rewrite pages with potential (keep the URL) 10:54 — Deal with unedited AI content properly 11:13 — Consider deleting purposeless pages 11:48 — Your homework 12:27 — Next episode: website structure and internal linking Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

    15 min
  2. Ranking Number 1 on Google is Useless, FFS. Let me explain...

    MAR 15

    Ranking Number 1 on Google is Useless, FFS. Let me explain...

    I'm going to say something that's going to upset a lot of people who've been bragging about their rankings: being number one for a single word is f*****g useless. There. I said it. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I'm calling out one of the most persistent and damaging myths in SEO — that keywords are either dead entirely, or that you should be obsessing over ranking for the shortest, broadest, most competitive terms possible. Both of these positions are bollocks, and I'm going to explain why. Here's what I'm covering: — Why old-school keyword stuffing is dead (but keywords absolutely aren't) — Why every search is a real person with a real need, and why that changes everything — The four types of search intent and why matching them is the difference between traffic and clients — Why "zero search volume" phrases might be your most valuable SEO real estate — Why ranking number one for "copywriter" or "accountant" will bring you exactly the wrong people — How to think in topic journeys instead of keyword lists, and why that builds the kind of trust that converts I also give you a proper piece of homework. Not the "might do that one day" kind. The actual do-it-this-week kind. If you know someone obsessing over ranking for a single broad keyword and wondering why they're not getting enquiries, send them this. It might save them months of wasted effort. Get found. Make money. Stop stressing. Start giving a shit about your readers. Links mentioned: Non-Wanky SEO Courses: https://nonwankyseo.comGoogle's People Also Ask: Just search for anything on Google and look for the expandable questionsAlso Asked: https://alsoasked.com/?via=nikki-pilkington (aff link) Follow Nikki: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikkipilkington/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikkipilkington/Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/nikkipilkington.bsky.social

    14 min
  3. Don't Be Conned Into Paying For an AI Search Optimisation Audit FFS!

    FEB 22

    Don't Be Conned Into Paying For an AI Search Optimisation Audit FFS!

    I got sent an AI search optimisation audit that cost a business thousands of pounds. It was beautifully presented, full of charts and graphs, and packed with confident recommendations about AI citations and ChatGPT visibility. It also missed a whole BUNCH of stuff. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about: an audit that recommended deleting pages that were actively driving real traffic from Google — because a proprietary AI visibility tool said they weren't getting ChatGPT citations. I'll break down exactly why this kind of audit is dangerous, not just useless, and what the businesses being sold this stuff actually need to know. I cover what a real audit should include, why Google organic traffic still dwarfs AI referral traffic for most sites, and the red flags to watch for before you hand over your budget to someone flogging "proprietary AI search tools". If you've been pitched an AI search audit — or you're tempted — listen to this first. Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Have you been had by an AI search audit? 00:54 What happened: The audit I was sent 01:43 What the audit missed — 462 errors, redirect chains, and more 02:20 The analytics data they ignored: Google vs ChatGPT traffic 03:42 The dangerous advice: deleting pages that were actually working 05:00 Why this makes me so f&%king angry 06:24 The fix: check your numbers 08:17 Red flags to watch for before you pay for any AI SEO audit Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

    11 min
  4. Your Competitors - SEO Geniuses? No. You're Just Sh*t At The Basics!

    FEB 15

    Your Competitors - SEO Geniuses? No. You're Just Sh*t At The Basics!

    I'm sick of business owners coming to me convinced their competitors have some secret SEO strategy. They don't. You're just making it ridiculously easy for them to beat you by ignoring the fundamentals on your own website. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about: The 7 most common ways you're sabotaging your own SEO (I guarantee at least three apply to you)Why your homepage title saying "Home" makes you invisible to GoogleHow your 50-word service pages are getting destroyed by competitors who bothered to write 800 wordsThe Google Business Profile mistakes that hand free visibility to everyone elseWhy your site loading slower than a wet weekend is killing your rankingsA 30-minute self-audit you can do today to fix the obvious stuff The uncomfortable truth: Your competitor's website probably isn't that impressive. They've just done the basics - proper page titles, decent content, a filled-in Google Business Profile, and a site that actually works on mobile. That's it. No magic formula. Just competent execution of SEO fundamentals that you haven't got around to yet. I've been in SEO for over 30 years, and I help businesses make money from their websites by getting found in search. This episode is your wake-up call to stop stalking your competitors' websites and start fixing your own. Stop blaming your competitors. Fix your own shit first. Chapters / Timestamps00:00 - Introduction: The Real Reason You're Losing at SEO 02:05 - Common SEO Mistakes Sabotaging Your Success 02:28 - Mistake #1: Your Meta Titles Are Useless 03:10 - Mistake #2: Your Service Pages Are Thinner Than an Over-Filtered Influencer 04:00 - Mistake #3: You've Got No Internal Links 04:40 - Mistake #4: Your Google Business Profile Is a Ghost Town 05:20 - Mistake #5: Your Site Is Slower Than a Wet Weekend 06:00 - Mistake #6: Your Mobile Experience Is Atrocious 06:40 - Mistake #7: You've Got Broken Shit Everywhere 07:20 - Why We Focus on Competitors Instead of Our Own Sites 08:22 - How to Fix Your SEO Issues: The 30-Minute Self-Audit 09:00 - Step 1: Check Your Page Titles 09:40 - Step 2: Check the Words on Your Key Pages 10:10 - Step 3: Click Every Link on Your Site 10:40 - Step 4: Load Your Site on Your Phone 11:00 - Step 5: Check Your Google Business Profile 11:30 - Step 6: Look at Your Internal Links 12:10 - Step 7: Search for Yourself on Google 12:40 - Stop Looking Over the Fence 13:47 - Final Thoughts and Actionable Steps If you want straight-talk SEO without the jargon, follow SEO F**king What. More episodes here: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    16 min
  5. Want good SEO? Stop Blogging Like it's a Diary FFS!

    FEB 8

    Want good SEO? Stop Blogging Like it's a Diary FFS!

    Most businesses aren’t bad at blogging because they’re lazy. They’re bad at blogging because no one ever told them what blogs are actually for. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about one of the biggest SEO mistakes I see every single week. Business blogs that read like diaries, newsletters, or internal updates… and then the owner wonders why Google ignores them. This is the episode your marketing agency probably won’t volunteer to send you. Because it explains why “blog regularly” was never enough, and how years of well-meaning content can actually f**k up your site instead of helping it. In this episode, I cover: Why most business blogs get no traffic at all Why Google can tell when you’re writing for yourself, not searchers The types of blog posts nobody is actually Googling How thin, self-serving content hurts your whole site What crawl budget is and why it matters How to choose blog topics people are genuinely searching for Why keyword research isn’t optional When to rewrite old posts and when to delete them Where company news should live if you still want to share it If you’ve been blogging for months or years and seeing nothing come from it, listen to this. If your blog is full of “exciting news”, “reflections”, or “a message from the CEO”, listen to this. And if you’re about to publish another post nobody asked for, definitely listen to this. Share this with whoever writes your blog. Share it with your marketing manager. Share it with anyone about to hit publish on “Reflections on a Wonderful Q1”. Chapters / Timestamps00:00 Why your blog isn’t content 01:50 The diary blog problem 03:50 How bad blogs hurt your whole site 06:11 What to do instead 07:20 Matching search intent 08:05 Answering the actual question 09:42 Audit, rewrite, or delete 11:22 When company news is OK 12:20 Final reality check If you want straight-talk SEO without the fluff, follow SEO F**king What. More episodes here: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/ Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

    15 min
  6. FFS SEOs - DON'T Add GEO To Your LinkedIn Headline!

    FEB 1

    FFS SEOs - DON'T Add GEO To Your LinkedIn Headline!

    Most businesses aren’t confused about SEO because it’s complicated. They’re confused because the industry keeps inventing new acronyms and pretending the rules have changed. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about... well let's be honest... I'm having a bit of a rant. And it's a rant that you need to hear if you've fallen into the same trap I've seen some other SEOs fall into recently. This is the episode your favourite SEO hustle bro probably doesn’t want you to hear. GEO isn’t a new discipline. It’s SEO with a new acronym and a higher invoice. In this episode, I cover: Why SEOs are adding GEO to their headlines even when their skills haven’t changed Why “AI optimisation” isn’t meaningfully different from good SEO What Google has already confirmed about AI search How buzzwords validate inflated pricing and bad behaviour Why playing along makes it harder for clients to tell who actually knows what they’re doing Why honesty builds trust, even when it costs you work If you’re an SEO feeling pressured to add GEO to your profile just to compete, listen to this. If you’re a business owner wondering why suddenly everything costs more for the “same” SEO, listen to this. And if you’re about to pay someone extra because they stuck three new letters in their headline, definitely listen to this. Share this with your SEO mates. Share it with a business owner who’s being sold magic. Share it with anyone who’s about to pay more money for the same work. Chapters/Timestamps00:00 “Why Adding GEO Is Making Things Worse” 01:25 Losing work to buzzwords 03:20 What Google has already confirmed 04:45 Why SEOs playing along is a problem 06:35 The uncomfortable truth 08:16 How the SEO industry created this mess 09:40 Why I’m not adding GEO If you want straight-talk SEO without the jargon, follow SEO F**king What. More episodes here: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    12 min
  7. FFS Let Your SEO Help With Your F**king Website Migration!

    JAN 11

    FFS Let Your SEO Help With Your F**king Website Migration!

    Most businesses don’t lose their traffic because SEO “stopped working”. They lose it because someone redesigned the website and didn’t know what they were doing. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about website migrations, redesigns, domain changes, and how businesses accidentally torch years of SEO in a single launch. This is the episode your controlling web developer probably doesn’t want you to hear. In this episode, I cover: Why website migrations go wrong so often Why developers are not SEO specialists (and why that matters) How URL changes wipe out rankings overnight What 301 redirects are actually for and how people mess them up Why missing metadata quietly kills performance How to tell Google you’ve changed domain properly What to do if you’ve already launched and everything’s gone a bit t**s up If you’re planning a website redesign, changing platforms, moving from .co.uk to .com, or touching your URLs in any way, listen to this before you launch. If you’ve already launched and your traffic has fallen off a cliff, this will help you work out what’s broken and how to fix it. Share this with your web developer. Share it with your marketing manager. Share it with anyone who’s about to make a very expensive mistake. Timestamped summary 00:00 "Your Developer Is Not Your SEO Team" 01:49 "Why Website Migrations Go Wrong" 05:00 "A Real SEO Disaster Story" 06:47 "What Happens When You Mess It Up" 08:11 "How to Migrate a Website Properly" 12:10 "Fixing a Broken Migration" If you want better results from your SEO and you don’t want to be firefighting disasters like this, I offer SEO supervision, training, and support for businesses and teams – https://nikki-pilkington.com/seo-training-and-development-uk/ Want more episodes? https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    14 min

About

This podcast exists because you deserve better than the SEO bollocks currently being sold to you. Every week, I'll give you 10-15 minutes of straight talk about SEO. Practical advice that actually works for B2B websites trying to get found on Google/search and make money. The kind of stuff that's been proven over years, not dreamed up last Tuesday by some LinkedIn tosspot. Real SEO from someone who's been doing this since dial-up was considered fast. I'll tell you what works, what's complete nonsense, and which tactics will get your website buried faster than you can say "guaranteed first page rankings." I'm calling out the bullshitters. The agencies promising the world and delivering f**k all. The LinkedIn gooroos flogging courses about things that don't actually exist. The AI SEO "hacks" destroying perfectly good websites. The expensive tools you don't need. The "experts" who learned SEO from a YouTube video three months ago. If someone's talking bollocks about SEO, you'll hear about it here. More importantly, I'm telling you what to do instead. Every rant comes with actual, practical steps you can take. Real actions that get results, not theory that sounds clever but does bugger all for your rankings. "Do this, then do that, and you'll see movement." That's it. That's the format. You're running a B2B business or managing a B2B website. You've probably been burned by an SEO agency before. Maybe they took your money and delivered a fancy report full of words that meant absolutely nothing. Or they promised first page rankings and disappeared after six months of bugger all results. You're sick of reading blog posts that say nothing in 2000 words. You're tired of SEO "tips" that are either blindingly obvious or completely bizarre. You want someone to cut through the crap and tell you what actually matters for your business, not what works for some massive ecommerce site with a budget the size of a small country. You don't need a PhD in technical SEO. You need to know what's worth your time and what's complete bollocks. You need to know which tactics will actually bring in leads and which ones are just expensive ways to make yourself feel busy. That's what I'm here for. This isn't some sanitised, corporate-approved SEO podcast where everyone's lovely and we pretend all tactics are equally valid. They're not. Some are brilliant. Most are pointless. And some will actively f**k up your website while the "expert" who recommended them is off selling the same dodgy advice to the next poor sod. I swear. A lot. If that bothers you, there are plenty of other podcasts out there with hosts who never offend anyone. Go find them. They're very nice. They're also very boring. This also isn't a podcast that assumes you're stupid. You're not. You're just busy running a business and don't have time to decode the latest algorithm update or work out which SEO tactic is legitimate and which one's complete fantasy. Fifteen minutes. One topic. I'll tell you what's pissing me off this week in the SEO industry, why it matters to your website, and what you should actually do about it. Then I'm done. You can get back to running your business. New episodes drop weekly, because the SEO industry creates fresh b******t faster than I can rant about it. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts so you don't miss the next time some gooroo invents a new problem to sell you the solution to. Welcome to SEO F**king What? Let's fix your website.

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