SEO F**king What - Get Found on Google, make money from your website

Nikki Pilkington

This podcast exists because you deserve better than the SEO bollocks currently being sold to you. Every week, I'll give you 10-15 minutes of straight talk about SEO. Practical advice that actually works for B2B websites trying to get found on Google/search and make money. The kind of stuff that's been proven over years, not dreamed up last Tuesday by some LinkedIn tosspot. Real SEO from someone who's been doing this since dial-up was considered fast. I'll tell you what works, what's complete nonsense, and which tactics will get your website buried faster than you can say "guaranteed first page rankings." I'm calling out the bullshitters. The agencies promising the world and delivering f**k all. The LinkedIn gooroos flogging courses about things that don't actually exist. The AI SEO "hacks" destroying perfectly good websites. The expensive tools you don't need. The "experts" who learned SEO from a YouTube video three months ago. If someone's talking bollocks about SEO, you'll hear about it here. More importantly, I'm telling you what to do instead. Every rant comes with actual, practical steps you can take. Real actions that get results, not theory that sounds clever but does bugger all for your rankings. "Do this, then do that, and you'll see movement." That's it. That's the format. You're running a B2B business or managing a B2B website. You've probably been burned by an SEO agency before. Maybe they took your money and delivered a fancy report full of words that meant absolutely nothing. Or they promised first page rankings and disappeared after six months of bugger all results. You're sick of reading blog posts that say nothing in 2000 words. You're tired of SEO "tips" that are either blindingly obvious or completely bizarre. You want someone to cut through the crap and tell you what actually matters for your business, not what works for some massive ecommerce site with a budget the size of a small country. You don't need a PhD in technical SEO. You need to know what's worth your time and what's complete bollocks. You need to know which tactics will actually bring in leads and which ones are just expensive ways to make yourself feel busy. That's what I'm here for. This isn't some sanitised, corporate-approved SEO podcast where everyone's lovely and we pretend all tactics are equally valid. They're not. Some are brilliant. Most are pointless. And some will actively f**k up your website while the "expert" who recommended them is off selling the same dodgy advice to the next poor sod. I swear. A lot. If that bothers you, there are plenty of other podcasts out there with hosts who never offend anyone. Go find them. They're very nice. They're also very boring. This also isn't a podcast that assumes you're stupid. You're not. You're just busy running a business and don't have time to decode the latest algorithm update or work out which SEO tactic is legitimate and which one's complete fantasy. Fifteen minutes. One topic. I'll tell you what's pissing me off this week in the SEO industry, why it matters to your website, and what you should actually do about it. Then I'm done. You can get back to running your business. New episodes drop weekly, because the SEO industry creates fresh b******t faster than I can rant about it. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts so you don't miss the next time some gooroo invents a new problem to sell you the solution to. Welcome to SEO F**king What? Let's fix your website.

  1. Your Competitors - SEO Geniuses? No. You're Just Sh*t At The Basics!

    4D AGO

    Your Competitors - SEO Geniuses? No. You're Just Sh*t At The Basics!

    I'm sick of business owners coming to me convinced their competitors have some secret SEO strategy. They don't. You're just making it ridiculously easy for them to beat you by ignoring the fundamentals on your own website. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about: The 7 most common ways you're sabotaging your own SEO (I guarantee at least three apply to you)Why your homepage title saying "Home" makes you invisible to GoogleHow your 50-word service pages are getting destroyed by competitors who bothered to write 800 wordsThe Google Business Profile mistakes that hand free visibility to everyone elseWhy your site loading slower than a wet weekend is killing your rankingsA 30-minute self-audit you can do today to fix the obvious stuff The uncomfortable truth: Your competitor's website probably isn't that impressive. They've just done the basics - proper page titles, decent content, a filled-in Google Business Profile, and a site that actually works on mobile. That's it. No magic formula. Just competent execution of SEO fundamentals that you haven't got around to yet. I've been in SEO for over 30 years, and I help businesses make money from their websites by getting found in search. This episode is your wake-up call to stop stalking your competitors' websites and start fixing your own. Stop blaming your competitors. Fix your own shit first. Chapters / Timestamps00:00 - Introduction: The Real Reason You're Losing at SEO 02:05 - Common SEO Mistakes Sabotaging Your Success 02:28 - Mistake #1: Your Meta Titles Are Useless 03:10 - Mistake #2: Your Service Pages Are Thinner Than an Over-Filtered Influencer 04:00 - Mistake #3: You've Got No Internal Links 04:40 - Mistake #4: Your Google Business Profile Is a Ghost Town 05:20 - Mistake #5: Your Site Is Slower Than a Wet Weekend 06:00 - Mistake #6: Your Mobile Experience Is Atrocious 06:40 - Mistake #7: You've Got Broken Shit Everywhere 07:20 - Why We Focus on Competitors Instead of Our Own Sites 08:22 - How to Fix Your SEO Issues: The 30-Minute Self-Audit 09:00 - Step 1: Check Your Page Titles 09:40 - Step 2: Check the Words on Your Key Pages 10:10 - Step 3: Click Every Link on Your Site 10:40 - Step 4: Load Your Site on Your Phone 11:00 - Step 5: Check Your Google Business Profile 11:30 - Step 6: Look at Your Internal Links 12:10 - Step 7: Search for Yourself on Google 12:40 - Stop Looking Over the Fence 13:47 - Final Thoughts and Actionable Steps If you want straight-talk SEO without the jargon, follow SEO F**king What. More episodes here: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    16 min
  2. Want good SEO? Stop Blogging Like it's a Diary FFS!

    FEB 8

    Want good SEO? Stop Blogging Like it's a Diary FFS!

    Most businesses aren’t bad at blogging because they’re lazy. They’re bad at blogging because no one ever told them what blogs are actually for. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about one of the biggest SEO mistakes I see every single week. Business blogs that read like diaries, newsletters, or internal updates… and then the owner wonders why Google ignores them. This is the episode your marketing agency probably won’t volunteer to send you. Because it explains why “blog regularly” was never enough, and how years of well-meaning content can actually f**k up your site instead of helping it. In this episode, I cover: Why most business blogs get no traffic at all Why Google can tell when you’re writing for yourself, not searchers The types of blog posts nobody is actually Googling How thin, self-serving content hurts your whole site What crawl budget is and why it matters How to choose blog topics people are genuinely searching for Why keyword research isn’t optional When to rewrite old posts and when to delete them Where company news should live if you still want to share it If you’ve been blogging for months or years and seeing nothing come from it, listen to this. If your blog is full of “exciting news”, “reflections”, or “a message from the CEO”, listen to this. And if you’re about to publish another post nobody asked for, definitely listen to this. Share this with whoever writes your blog. Share it with your marketing manager. Share it with anyone about to hit publish on “Reflections on a Wonderful Q1”. Chapters / Timestamps00:00 Why your blog isn’t content 01:50 The diary blog problem 03:50 How bad blogs hurt your whole site 06:11 What to do instead 07:20 Matching search intent 08:05 Answering the actual question 09:42 Audit, rewrite, or delete 11:22 When company news is OK 12:20 Final reality check If you want straight-talk SEO without the fluff, follow SEO F**king What. More episodes here: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/ Mentioned in this episode: ICN Network

    15 min
  3. FFS SEOs - DON'T Add GEO To Your LinkedIn Headline!

    FEB 1

    FFS SEOs - DON'T Add GEO To Your LinkedIn Headline!

    Most businesses aren’t confused about SEO because it’s complicated. They’re confused because the industry keeps inventing new acronyms and pretending the rules have changed. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about... well let's be honest... I'm having a bit of a rant. And it's a rant that you need to hear if you've fallen into the same trap I've seen some other SEOs fall into recently. This is the episode your favourite SEO hustle bro probably doesn’t want you to hear. GEO isn’t a new discipline. It’s SEO with a new acronym and a higher invoice. In this episode, I cover: Why SEOs are adding GEO to their headlines even when their skills haven’t changed Why “AI optimisation” isn’t meaningfully different from good SEO What Google has already confirmed about AI search How buzzwords validate inflated pricing and bad behaviour Why playing along makes it harder for clients to tell who actually knows what they’re doing Why honesty builds trust, even when it costs you work If you’re an SEO feeling pressured to add GEO to your profile just to compete, listen to this. If you’re a business owner wondering why suddenly everything costs more for the “same” SEO, listen to this. And if you’re about to pay someone extra because they stuck three new letters in their headline, definitely listen to this. Share this with your SEO mates. Share it with a business owner who’s being sold magic. Share it with anyone who’s about to pay more money for the same work. Chapters/Timestamps00:00 “Why Adding GEO Is Making Things Worse” 01:25 Losing work to buzzwords 03:20 What Google has already confirmed 04:45 Why SEOs playing along is a problem 06:35 The uncomfortable truth 08:16 How the SEO industry created this mess 09:40 Why I’m not adding GEO If you want straight-talk SEO without the jargon, follow SEO F**king What. More episodes here: https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    12 min
  4. FFS Let Your SEO Help With Your F**king Website Migration!

    JAN 11

    FFS Let Your SEO Help With Your F**king Website Migration!

    Most businesses don’t lose their traffic because SEO “stopped working”. They lose it because someone redesigned the website and didn’t know what they were doing. Hi, I’m Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of "SEO F**king What", I’m talking about website migrations, redesigns, domain changes, and how businesses accidentally torch years of SEO in a single launch. This is the episode your controlling web developer probably doesn’t want you to hear. In this episode, I cover: Why website migrations go wrong so often Why developers are not SEO specialists (and why that matters) How URL changes wipe out rankings overnight What 301 redirects are actually for and how people mess them up Why missing metadata quietly kills performance How to tell Google you’ve changed domain properly What to do if you’ve already launched and everything’s gone a bit t**s up If you’re planning a website redesign, changing platforms, moving from .co.uk to .com, or touching your URLs in any way, listen to this before you launch. If you’ve already launched and your traffic has fallen off a cliff, this will help you work out what’s broken and how to fix it. Share this with your web developer. Share it with your marketing manager. Share it with anyone who’s about to make a very expensive mistake. Timestamped summary 00:00 "Your Developer Is Not Your SEO Team" 01:49 "Why Website Migrations Go Wrong" 05:00 "A Real SEO Disaster Story" 06:47 "What Happens When You Mess It Up" 08:11 "How to Migrate a Website Properly" 12:10 "Fixing a Broken Migration" If you want better results from your SEO and you don’t want to be firefighting disasters like this, I offer SEO supervision, training, and support for businesses and teams – https://nikki-pilkington.com/seo-training-and-development-uk/ Want more episodes? https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    14 min
  5. What The F**king Good SEO People Look Like

    12/21/2025

    What The F**king Good SEO People Look Like

    Most small business owners don’t fail at SEO. They get confused, overwhelmed, or quietly ripped off. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of SEO F**king What, which is part two of a two parter, I’m letting you know what a good SEO person looks like in terms of their offers. What SEO really costs in the UK, how long it takes to work, and how to spot legitimate professionals from cowboys. No jargon. No “it depends” nonsense. No magical promises. In this episode, I cover: What proper SEO services should include (and what’s usually a waste of money)How good SEOs explain their work without hiding behind acronymsWhy rankings don’t pay your mortgage, but revenue doesRealistic SEO pricing for small businesses and ecommerce sitesHonest timelines for technical fixes, content, and resultsHow to avoid dependency and find SEO help you can actually trust If you’re about to hire an SEO, already paying one, or wondering why results don’t match the promises, this episode could save you a lot of money and frustration. If you haven’t listened to part one yet, go back and start there first. And if this helps, please share it with someone who’s about to sign an SEO contract. Timestamped summary00:00 "Good SEO: Clarity Over Jargon" 04:03 "SEO That Drives Real Results" 08:42 "SEO Timelines Simplified" 12:18 "SEO: Consistent, Methodical Work" This episode is all about helping you identify a decent SEO person from a scammer. But you'll have even better results from your SEO by having me in your corner, and I offer supervision and set up of these kinds of arrangements as a service - https://nikki-pilkington.com/seo-training-and-development-uk/ Want to check out more episodes? https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    14 min
  6. What The F**k Your SEO is Actually Charging You For (And Why It's a Scam)

    12/14/2025

    What The F**k Your SEO is Actually Charging You For (And Why It's a Scam)

    Ever been quoted some ridiculous SEO retainer and thought… hang on, what the f**k am I actually paying for? Yeah. Same as lots of my clients. And honestly, I’m tired of watching small businesses get fleeced by agencies who talk a big game but can’t explain a single thing they’re doing. Hi, I'm Nikki Pilkington. My site is https://nikki-pilkington.com/ and in this episode of SEO F**king What, I’m breaking down the biggest red flags in SEO. Guaranteed rankings. “Secret” methodologies. Vague contracts. The lot. If you’ve ever felt stupid for falling for any of this, don’t. These people are professionals at sounding credible while delivering absolutely nothing. By the end, you’ll know exactly what questions to ask, what b******t to ignore, and how to spot an SEO that’s more scammer than specialist. Part two is coming next week, where I’ll show you what good SEO should actually look like (and what it should cost). But for now, let’s make sure you stop handing your hard-earned money to chancers. If you’ve got questions, come yell at me on LinkedIn or drop me an email. I don’t bite… unless you promise “guaranteed rankings.” Timestamped summary00:00 "Protecting Small Businesses in SEO" 04:03 Vague SEO Contracts Warning 09:27 Avoid SEO Shortcuts 10:21 SEO: Hard Work, Real Experts This episode is all about helping you ensure your SEO isn't a red flag waving scammer. But you'll have even better results from your SEO by having me in your corner, and I offer supervision and set up of these kinds of arrangements as a service - https://nikki-pilkington.com/seo-training-and-development-uk/ Want to check out more episodes? https://seofuckingwhatpodcast.co.uk/

    12 min

About

This podcast exists because you deserve better than the SEO bollocks currently being sold to you. Every week, I'll give you 10-15 minutes of straight talk about SEO. Practical advice that actually works for B2B websites trying to get found on Google/search and make money. The kind of stuff that's been proven over years, not dreamed up last Tuesday by some LinkedIn tosspot. Real SEO from someone who's been doing this since dial-up was considered fast. I'll tell you what works, what's complete nonsense, and which tactics will get your website buried faster than you can say "guaranteed first page rankings." I'm calling out the bullshitters. The agencies promising the world and delivering f**k all. The LinkedIn gooroos flogging courses about things that don't actually exist. The AI SEO "hacks" destroying perfectly good websites. The expensive tools you don't need. The "experts" who learned SEO from a YouTube video three months ago. If someone's talking bollocks about SEO, you'll hear about it here. More importantly, I'm telling you what to do instead. Every rant comes with actual, practical steps you can take. Real actions that get results, not theory that sounds clever but does bugger all for your rankings. "Do this, then do that, and you'll see movement." That's it. That's the format. You're running a B2B business or managing a B2B website. You've probably been burned by an SEO agency before. Maybe they took your money and delivered a fancy report full of words that meant absolutely nothing. Or they promised first page rankings and disappeared after six months of bugger all results. You're sick of reading blog posts that say nothing in 2000 words. You're tired of SEO "tips" that are either blindingly obvious or completely bizarre. You want someone to cut through the crap and tell you what actually matters for your business, not what works for some massive ecommerce site with a budget the size of a small country. You don't need a PhD in technical SEO. You need to know what's worth your time and what's complete bollocks. You need to know which tactics will actually bring in leads and which ones are just expensive ways to make yourself feel busy. That's what I'm here for. This isn't some sanitised, corporate-approved SEO podcast where everyone's lovely and we pretend all tactics are equally valid. They're not. Some are brilliant. Most are pointless. And some will actively f**k up your website while the "expert" who recommended them is off selling the same dodgy advice to the next poor sod. I swear. A lot. If that bothers you, there are plenty of other podcasts out there with hosts who never offend anyone. Go find them. They're very nice. They're also very boring. This also isn't a podcast that assumes you're stupid. You're not. You're just busy running a business and don't have time to decode the latest algorithm update or work out which SEO tactic is legitimate and which one's complete fantasy. Fifteen minutes. One topic. I'll tell you what's pissing me off this week in the SEO industry, why it matters to your website, and what you should actually do about it. Then I'm done. You can get back to running your business. New episodes drop weekly, because the SEO industry creates fresh b******t faster than I can rant about it. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts so you don't miss the next time some gooroo invents a new problem to sell you the solution to. Welcome to SEO F**king What? Let's fix your website.