The Unfolding Podcast

Yvonne Wink
  • 5.0 (1)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

I’m a woman who’s walked through fire…betrayal, heartbreak, trauma, depression, and self-doubt, and turned it all into gold, not by bypassing the pain, but by meeting it, sitting with it, learning from it, and rising from it. theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com

  1. 3D AGO

    The Unfolding Podcast - Season 2 - Episode 2

    Let me tell you the most dangerous role I ever played. The Good Woman. The chill, mature, the one who took the high road, the patient one, the funny one, the forgiving one, the evolved one, the one who could look away and call it grace, a good daughter, good sister, a good mama, good friend, a good partner, even a good ex. I used to think I was just being strong, stoic. In reality, I was managing an image. And image management is one of the most socially rewarded and psychologically dangerous patterns that we carry. It almost cost me my authenticity because it looks like strength, but it's actually fear. And the hardest part, everyone applauds you for it. They do. They compliment your composure. They praise your maturity. They call you so evolved. They tell you how admirable you are and how you handled it with such grace and dignity. No one says. Are you abandoning yourself? No one asks, is this alignment or is this performance? because performance is rewarded, especially in women, especially in people who learned at a very young age that being agreeable meant being safe. And that's where this gets dangerous because when you get rewarded for self abandonment, you start mistaking it for identity. Welcome to the unfolding podcast. I am your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. I'm so glad to be back. I'm on fire today. Here's why. I've been cooped up in the house for about a good week and a half with that flu. And I'm just here delivering some good old fashioned truth. So hang tight. It's going to be a great episode. Thank you for being here today. Today, we're pulling off the mask. We're talking about image management, the socially rewarded performance that keeps us admired and quietly, quietly disconnected. We're gonna break down what it is, why we do it, how attachment patterns and the nervous system drive it, and what it looked like in many of my own relationships. You may even see yourself in my shoes at times. By the end of this conversation, you're gonna understand why dismantling image management isn't just growth work, it's the foundation of self-trust. What is image management, you ask? That is a great question and I'm so grateful you asked. It's image management is when you adjust yourself so that other others stay comfortable. Ouch. It's when you start to tweak your tone a bit, when you edit your language, when you edit your reaction, you downplay your needs so you don't risk being too much. It's not lying. It's editing. curating, shrinking, softening your truth so that it lands better for others. And here's the tricky part. It can look like maturity. Like you walked away and you took the higher road. Like you're evolved. It looks like being the chill girl, that cool girl that everyone gets along with, God, she's just so easy going, right? The good guy. The low maintenance one, the strong one, the unbothered one. But underneath it, there's usually fear. Because when we believe that being fully seen might cost us love or even just acceptance, we begin performing. One of the great researchers on this, Dr. Brene Brown, calls it, I love this term, she calls it hustling for worthiness. I did a lot of that. And listen, before you start telling yourself, this isn't me, Yvonne, this is for someone else, because I've got it all together, let me lovingly interrupt you. Human beings are wired for belonging. Every single... one of us, no matter how moody and quiet and goth you like to be, every single one of us is wired this way. We're wired for belonging. Shame isn't weakness. It's just the fear of disconnection. Shame is the belief that if people really saw us, All of us, the messy parts, the complicated parts of us, the indecisive one, right? Even the insecure us. All the emotional parts of us, the needy parts of us. If people really saw all of that, all of that truth, they'd leave. That's where imposter syndrome lives too. Imposter syndrome is just image management in professional clothing. It's that voice that says, if they really, really knew who I was, they'd realize I don't belong here. I know that feeling. I felt like that the very first time I hit record. It happens to all of us. So what do we do? Well, some of us curate. Some of us soften our anger. We shrink our needs. We over explain. We become really easy to digest. We become lost. We talk ourselves out of what our gut is trying to say. Sometimes it looks like that person that's really defensive. maybe even aggressive. Sometimes it looks like that person that just checks out often. Sometimes it looks like acting like we don't care. I'm above this. I am so chill. have zero oops to give. I'm fine. It's not always shrinking. Sometimes it's pretending that we are untouchable. Image management is not confidence. That's what it's not. It's armor. And that armor is really heavy. Have you ever wondered where your image management started? Because I know now the wheels are turning in your head and you're thinking, do I, am I image management control? Yes, you are, we all are. Did you ever wonder where it started? Because I did. And when I began unpacking this, it took me way back, years back. Here's what I didn't realize. Image management doesn't, begin in adulthood, even though that's when we become more cognizant of it, you know, of understanding how we are showing up in the world, but it begins in childhood. It begins the moment that we start asking ourselves, even subconsciously, what version of me keeps connection? What version of me gets the approval, the nods, the smiles? because we learn early. I get praised when I behave in this certain way. I get attention when I achieve. I stay safe when I don't rock the boat. And I don't get abandoned when I'm agreeable. Let's pause here, okay? We're not here to shame our caregivers because some of us listening are caregivers ourselves. We're here to understand the emotional environment we adapted to. I think when we do that, we're able to heal it. We're able to name it, address it, and heal it, and change it. Because attachment theory, tells us something really profound. Listen, when connection feels uncertain, the nervous system adapts. And we learned this very early. Long before we had language for it, we began performing. Not because we were fake, but because we were trying to survive emotionally. See, if love felt inconsistent, We learned to amplify, we turned up. We became louder, meatier, more expressive. If love felt conditional, we learned to perform. We became impressive, capable, and super responsible. If conflict felt unsafe, we learned to suppress. We became quiet, composed, and easy. See, anxious attachment often sounds like, I will prove that I'm lovable. And avoidant attachment often sounds like, I'll prove I don't need you. Listen carefully. Both are image management. Both are pretty good strategies. They're both really protective. But neither are fully authentic. We don't become who we are. We become who kept us safe. And the version of you that kept you safe at seven might not be the version that builds intimacy at 4757. So here's where this will get a little biological. Let's do, stay with me here for a sec. When a child senses emotional instability, let's say, even it's very subtle, their nervous system registers a threat, not a physical threat, a relational threat. And for a child, relational threat feels like a survival threat. our bodies adapt. Some of us learned to fight. That's how we adapted. Some of us learned to flee, to run, to get out of dodge. Some of us froze. And some of us fawned. I talked a little bit about this in last season and some of the earlier episodes because I think fawn in our trauma responses is not talked enough about. So I wanted to, I'm gonna talk a little bit about that today. Some of us learned to fawn. And so fawning is where I believe image management really lives. So fawning sounds something like whatever you need, it's fine, it's all good. No, I'm good. huh, I understand, totally. Yes, go ahead, walk all over me. I'll be easier next time. Yeah. That pattern becomes, it gets rewarded, okay? Especially in girls. How about sensitive souls? But I say especially in girls and especially in women. especially in high achieving boys who learned that that love came through performance. So we grew up and we call it maturity, right? But it's regulation. It's really regulation through approval. I want you to think about it like that. I want you to just ponder on that for a sec. Regulation through approval. So here's the reason I'm bringing this up for this very reason. This is the part that nobody tells you. I didn't know this. for years. When you live in image management long enough, many, many, many years, your emotional range begins to narrow. So you don't just suppress anger, you suppress your intuition, your own thoughts, your feelings, you suppress your wants, your needs, your desires. You suppress your truth. And over time, that turns into anxiety, it builds into resentment, exhaustion, and this vague sense of misalignment. You know something's off, you can't put your finger on it because your body knows when you're not congruent, even if your mind is convincing you that you are. Let's talk about the gender layer for a second here. Women are often rewarded for being agreeable, right women? I know you're nodding your heads everywhere. We're rewarded for being emotionally intelligent and for smoothing over conflicts, for being able to hold space, being the safe one, right? Holding that container for people to just trum a dump and say whatever it is they have to say. We're rewarded for being that. And men... are often rewarded for being the stoic one, right? The one that has their chest puffed out and they're unaffected, right? They're rewarded for being independent and just not needing too much. Both can be image management. Listen to this. One shrinks, one distances. Both are forms of armor and neither creates the intimacy. we need. So when I say we don't become who

    50 min

  2. FEB 3

    The Unfolding Podcast - Season 2 - Episode 1

    Episode 1 - Wait for what? Welcome to season 2 of the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. It's been a minute. Wow, a lot has happened. So last season was, if you've been with me this far, last season was pretty heavy. This one, not so much. It's lighter. But God, no one tells you how hard it is to love someone who really doesn't love themselves or can't love themselves. And at what cost it is to your soul to hang on. And so I had to get that story, season one, out of my body. So thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for your support. I had to get it out, but who knew with me getting it out that it would become a map for others. Yeah, I've been through hell and I didn't break. I unfolded. However, my healing era, my emo era, is officially over. And now, I'm even more hilarious than I ever have been. And much more wiser. I'm still studying psychology and just living my best life on my terms. Not because life got easy or easier, but because I got stronger. So no, I'm not entering rooms quietly anymore. I'm kicking the door open. Silk robe, stilettos with the fur, and an extra dirty martini in my hand. Of course it has to be afternoon, but I'm also not lingering by the door anymore, hoping someone figures me out. I know my value. If you see it, cool, amazing. If you catch up, great. If not, I'm still having a really good time and I'm already onto the next chapter. My big aha last year, my lesson, shall we say. It wasn't about fixing or healing toxic, poorly behaved men or women. My lesson was to heal whatever in me connected me to them. To understand why I tolerated what I tolerated. And once I stopped pointing the finger, stop trying to heal other people, I had an opportunity to sit with myself, sit with my patterns, my blind spots, and that's where the real work was. That's also where my upcoming book, Traumatized by a Narcissist, if so, you may be entitled to compensation, that's where the book takes a turn. Because when you tell the truth, really tell it. It doesn't always finish when you want it. And yes, the book is finished. But here's the thing. I didn't rush the truth. I let it finish speaking. And boy, did it have much more to say. The plot twist. It's so real. It's so legit that I had to pull the book from it was in the beginning stages of production and I had to rewrite a portion of the conclusion. That's how big it was. No one saw this ending coming, including me. So it's going to delay the launch just a little, but I promise it's worth it because I continue to learn. And what I'm learning is sometimes life just says, hey, you're not done yet. OK, moving along, let me share a few updates. Let's see what we have here. I've got a new attitude, for sure. A new puppy. I some new goals. A few new travel destinations planned later this spring. Next week, I turn another year older. Another trip around the sun. This turn feels lighter, like a skip in my step or a limp. And a cane. But for the first time in a long time, my heart feels open. It feels light. Not because I'm chasing anything, but because I finally, finally feel at home in myself. I got a new mic, can you hear? Don't I sound so much more high tech? Like I actually know what I'm doing now. But I want to shout out to my daughter, Taylor's boyfriend, Jesse. This is gonna be a mouthful. Okay, let me explain. Jesse and his best friend, Phoenix, who is also my other daughter, Sydney's best friend, and basically the son I never had. That was a total mouthful, I know. Anyway, the two of them came together and bought me a new mic for Christmas. And it was the one that I had been talking about for months. And so I really want to shout out and just say thank you because I know I sound so much better. I've been testing it out for the last couple of weeks. But this also means that I'm officially out of the closet. Literally. I used to record these episodes inside of my closet. because the acoustics were much better and I put these soundboards up and so anyway whatever here I am back up on my bull- wait gotcha back up on my soap box just running my mouth laughing more healed still heavily caffeinated passport stamped and emotionally fluent so I might even walk the plank and date again this year it actually feels really big to say out loud I was thinking that earlier but I just said it now I've actually really loved the quiet of being single for all my single people. You know, you know that feeling, the way that you get to hear yourself think. I don't know. This is just a thought. I'm just thinking about it. I'm not sure I'm going to quite do it, but whatever. If I date again, let me tell you this. It won't be because I'm lonely and it definitely won't because won't be because I need a man. It'll be because it feels fun. It feels right. I've built a life I genuinely love. I take care of myself. I support myself financially. I feel emotional, emotionally stable and grounded and really clear about who I am and what I want. yeah, warning here, right? It's going to be a challenge. I get it. And if he's up for that, I might be interested. I'm not necessarily closed off. I'm just not chasing. He literally will, somebody will have to just knock at my front door. But in the meantime, I've been taking myself on dates. I love it. I take myself on trips. I buy myself flowers, compliment myself, walking past a mirror just saying, girl, you look good in that dress. If you've never tried that, you really need to. One of my biggest fears was being alone. Eating alone, being alone, sitting alone. And then I traveled solo. And let me tell you, you are alone a lot. But eventually, I started to love it. So, anyway, I'm back. Yep, season two. We're gonna do this again. This time, I'm here with darker hair. I'm a brunette again. Thicker skin, thicker thighs. better boundaries, new insights, a few new friends, new listeners. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing my podcast. And I just want to send a big heartfelt thank you. I'm in my yes era right now. I just got back from a whirlwind girls trip in Las Vegas. I'm still catching up on my sleep. But it reminded me how precious life is. Just say yes. Okay, here's how it went down. Cousin Monica called me Thursday night and says, pack your bag loser, we're going to Las Vegas tomorrow. I'm like, wait, what, what? I was already in my pajamas, laying in bed with my midnight snack stacked on my desk, on my computer with a big pile of everything that I needed to go through. And she says, new addition, boys to men, Tony Braxton. That's all she said. She said, your flight's already booked. See you in the morning. That, that right there, that is the energy I'm talking about. Obviously I said yes, I had to, right? She had me at new edition. Anyway, we had the absolute best time. We were laughing and dancing and just being ridiculous. I was basically serenading the band. I was singing away. I knew every word to every song. I even kind of rose from, I think it was what? Robbie, Bobby, Ricky or Mike. yeah, I went there. Okay. Here's the part that really mattered. Okay. I was surrounded by smart, funny. emotionally intelligent women. No tearing each other down, no competition, no jealousy, just women who lift each other up. See, good friends, they don't make you feel small. They don't drain you. They don't, certainly don't keep score. Good friends say, pack your bag, loser, your flight's booked. Life is happening, let's go. They remind you. who you are when you forget. They celebrate you when you're healing, not just when you're performing. That's what healthy friendship looks like. And honestly, that kind of love will change your life. So thank you, cousin Monica. When I started listing all of the zero reasons I couldn't get on the plane, I remembered something my mom said right before she passed. She looked at me and she said, wait for what? What are you waiting for? And I realized I had spent years waiting, waiting for the right moment, the right person, the right feelings, the right permission. Not because I didn't want more, but because I felt stuck. You ever felt that way? Stuck. A lot of us do. Life keeps moving, but inside you're just on pause. You feel paused. I spent a long time in survival mode. trying to keep my head above water. You know, I was going through the motions just like everyone, right? I was running on autopilot. And this year, well, actually it started last year, something really began shifting in me. And I just started saying yes, a lot. Yes to life. Yes to fun. Yes to adventure. Yes to conversations, good conversations, difficult conversations, easy conversations, just yes. to new experiences. Yes. Yes. Yes. And now I'm not just surviving, I'm living. When my mom said, wait for what? She wasn't rushing me. She was waking me up. She was asking me to stop waiting for something outside of myself and start listening to what was really inside me. It was one of those rare, beautiful moments. She was lucid for about 24 hours, right? The final surge of clarity. If anyone's experienced this, you know what I'm talking about. It's that heartbreaking, sacred moment, that window where you think they're back, they're healed. This was all a bad nightmare. Get your stuff on, get your clothes, pack your bags, we're going home. And then you realize this is their last lucid moment. And this is really goodbye. I'd asked her if she had any regrets in this lifetime. She didn't. None. What she wanted instead was to offer her heart, her heart to me, her last pieces of advice. These words, these things, these thoughts, these patterns, these sentiments that she, these words that I'll treasure forever. And one of them, sorry, I'm tearing up. And one of them was that simple question. I had no idea that I was going to that it was going to make me feel that or evoke that emotion in me. So I'm just riding with it. But I. One of that that simple question, wait for what? I've really, really tried to live my life on

    23 min

  3. JAN 5

    The Unfolding Podcast

    Keywords Unfolding Podcast, friendship breakups, toxic relationships, compound grief, dating advice, personal growth, emotional intelligence, healing journey, self-discovery, empowerment Summary In this season finale of the Unfolding Podcast, host Yvonne Wink reflects on her journey through personal growth, healing, and the lessons learned from relationships. Joined by her brother Alex and cousin Monica, they discuss topics such as handling friendship breakups, moving on from toxic relationships, and the importance of self-discovery. Yvonne shares insights on compound grief, the writing process for her upcoming book, and the significance of emotional intelligence in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the power of vulnerability and the importance of choosing oneself in the journey of healing. Takeaways I don't regret anyone who's come into my life. People enter our lives to teach us lessons. Walking away doesn't mean hatred; it means clarity. Healing doesn't run on a calendar; it's a journey. You can love people and still choose distance. Choosing peace doesn't mean you failed at love. You have to keep moving on every day. It's never too late to learn something different. Vulnerability is my flex; it's powerful. You can change your life one honest moment at a time. Titles Unfolding the Journey of Healing Navigating Friendship Breakups Sound bites "I don't regret anyone." "It's a nervous system reset." "Vulnerability is my flex." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Unfolding Podcast 02:08 Season Finale and Special Guests 03:36 Handling Friendship Breakups 07:48 Moving On from Toxic Relationships 09:22 The Journey of Writing a Book 10:51 Understanding Compound Grief 14:10 Finding Strength to Leave a Long-Term Relationship 22:11 When to Start Dating Again 28:04 The 30, 60, or 90 Day Detox 31:16 Kids' Perspectives on the Podcast and Book 33:50 Current Dating Life and Funny Stories 41:14 Surprises and Changes from the Podcast 45:53 Final Thoughts and Future Plans Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

    59 min

  4. 12/29/2025

    The Unfolding Podcast

    Welcome the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. Before we really get into today's episode, I want to pause for just a moment and actually get your attention. Because sometimes even when we're listening, we're still on autopilot. You know that feeling when you arrive somewhere and think, how did I even get here? Or hours pass and you realize you've been sitting in the same spot, scrolling, thinking, surviving. So wherever you are right now, driving, walking, folding laundry, half listening while your mind is somewhere else. I want you to hear this. You made it here. To the end of this season, to the end of December, to the end of this year, to the end of the chapter that asked more of you than you ever expected. You didn't just survive it. You changed inside it. So thank you. Truly. Thank you for listening, for staying, for being willing to look at yourself honestly. Thank you for holding space for my story and for letting me unfold out loud without judgment. Well, mostly without judgment. I see you. I see some of the comments. But thank you for choosing clarity over numbing. So encouraging. Thank you for choosing truth over pretending and presence over disappearing. Even when disappearing might have felt easier. As the season comes to a close, I found myself reflecting. I do this a lot because standing at the edge of a new year has a way of doing that. And recently I caught myself asking a question that I couldn't shake. I was asking myself, am I walking into this new year into 2026 awake? Or am I about to slip into autopilot and just hope Something magically happens. And when I answered that honestly for myself, it shifted how I saw everything that came next. And I realized that question isn't just mine. So I want to gently turn it toward you, not as pressure, not as a challenge, just as an invitation. as 2026 comes into view. A new year, a new chapter. You might ask yourself this, how do I want to meet this year? more present, more intentional, more awake to my own life. or maybe exactly where I am without forcing anything. There's no pressure in this question, promise you. There's no right or wrong answer. Just curiosity and awareness. And that's where real change begins. That's what this finale is about. It's a two-part finale. But it's about not fixing ourselves, not reinventing your entire life overnight, but waking up just enough to choose your next chapter with intention. Because Here's the sitch 2026 is coming, whether we're ready or not. And here's the thing people don't realize. Most people don't start a new year. I know January 1st is coming in blah, blah, blah. know that, but they don't start a new year. They repeat the last one. Just sometimes it's with a new sparkly planner, new to-do lists and checklists and New Year's Eve resolutions and a recycled storyline. And listen, that's not judgment. That's human nature. thing is, autopilot, it's comfortable because, well, it's familiar. See, it lets you survive without having to really, really see yourself, without having to examine yourself. But if you're here, if you've been with me through the door, ⁓ the summit, we've climbed the summit through the grief, the celebration and the unfolding. You didn't do all that work just to go back to default mode. I know that. Not after everything you've learned. Not after everything you've survived. Not after everything you're capable Early last year, before the book, before Bali, before the travel, before this podcast, I had a moment. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, it was the moment I would say that I woke up. I was still orbiting him, still trying to decode the chaos. I was still trying to love someone who didn't know how to choose me. Honestly, who didn't know how to choose himself. And here's the part that I can laugh at now because, well, healing gives you perspective. Brace yourself. I thought he was the problem. What I couldn't see yet was that I was living on autopilot, completely out of alignment with my core values, with who I said I was, who I was growing into. I want to slow this down for just a second here because this language really matters. So tune in. See when your life is congruent, your actions match your values. So what you say you want, how you show up and how your body feels begin to align. There's less inner tension, not because life is easy and everything's coming at you and it's just all so, so nice and easy wrapped up with a cute bow. No, but because you're no longer arguing with yourself or living against your truth. That's congruent. When your life is incongruent, your actions and your truth are at odds. So there's a big fight happening. You're saying one thing, but you're living another. And your body feels that disconnect before your mind can actually explain it away. It shows up as tension, fatigue, anxiety, or that quiet sense that something just isn't right. That was me. See, I value, value with my whole heart, mind, body, and soul. I value peace. But there was none. I value honesty and integrity. That's really important to me. But I kept accepting half-truths and full lies. I value respect and loyalty. And I kept allowing behavior that did not honor that. That's incongruence. And here's what I want to normalize. See autopilot shows up in every one. So look in the mirror. You got it. Yep. We all do. It's not a character flaw. It's a nervous system response. And for me, autopilot was amplified by heartbreak and grief, specifically compound grief. I explained this several episodes ago, so I won't go into it too deeply here, but I'll just cover it loosely here. So compound grief is when loss piles on top of loss. When your soul doesn't have time to recover or repair from one devastation, one heartbreak before the next one hits. When your system doesn't get a break in between the chaos. In that kind of grief, your mind, body, and spirit doesn't shut down because you're weak. You don't numb out because you're weak and you're not motivated. It shuts down because you're trying to survive something. So compound grief hijacks the amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for fear and survival. And it throws your entire system into protective mode. You numb out. It pulls you inward. It tells you, stop. This is too much, too fast. Do nothing. So your system isn't asking, hey, is this aligned? Does this relationship feel safe? Is this the career I want? Is this the friendship or the friendship group? Is this good for my soul? It's asking, how do I get through today only without falling apart? And when you're living in that place, you're not making empowered choices. You're making familiar ones. That's why I was able to stay so long, tolerate so much. Maybe that's why you're able to stuff your pain and just keep moving forward. Because when you're already grieving deeply, any type of grief, any additional loss reopens every wound that's been brewing below the surface. Familiar felt safer than unknown, even when familiar hurt. So I repeated patterns. chose familiar pain. I ignored the truth. Because sometimes chaos feels more familiar than stability. And I want to be very clear here. This isn't weakness. This is what survival looks like when someone is carrying more than one person should ever have to carry at once. I didn't give up. I was doing exactly what my body needed to do to survive. And if you're listening to this thinking, that sounds just like me. want you to hear this gently. Your system wasn't failing you. was protecting you and life, God, spirit, the angels, whatever language you use, it taps you. just taps you on the shoulder. Tap, tap, tap. This isn't it. For me, it was. Tap, tap, tap. You know better. Tap, tap, tap. Yvonne, you're meant for so much more. You deserve so much more. Tap, tap. Wake up. And the loudest tap, my own heart breaking. Sometimes heartbreak isn't punishment. It's the alarm clock. And instead of hitting snooze like I had been for years, I woke up. not necessarily healed, not enlightened, just awake, awake enough to realize something wasn't making sense anymore. Here's the thing about incongruence. You usually don't feel it until you're no longer in pure survival mode. Eventually living out of alignment stops making sense. Not because you suddenly become stronger or braver, but because your body and nervous system won't let you keep pretending anymore. There comes a point when something inside you says. This no longer matches who I am. And once that realization lands, not intellectually, but, but in your body, it becomes very hard to go back to what was. So I want you to think about it like this. Okay. It's like a bodybuilder just days away from competition, right? They've built their entire life around training, discipline, sleep. Rest, nourishment, focus. And now imagine them suddenly just saying, you know what? I'm just going go out and party all night. I'm just going to eat garbage and I'm just going to sabotage everything. It wouldn't make sense, right? Not because they're judging themselves or being hard on themselves. because their identity has already shifted. Their choices have to match who they've become. That's what started happening to me. The life I was living no longer matched the woman I was becoming. And my body felt it before my brain caught up. And this, this didn't just show up in one relationship. It showed up everywhere. I was staying past the expiration date. Have you ever stayed past the expiration date in, in friendships and dating? did. Even in my marriage. See, there came a point where both of us knew. quietly and honestly that something had ended. Not dramatically, not hatefully, just truthfully. But instead of letting it end with grace, we held on. We had the death grip hold out of obligation, out of history, out of fear of change. out of familiarity. And when you stay too long in something that's already over, it doesn't soften. It hardens. patterns I had been minimizing became und

    35 min
  5. The Unfolding Podcast

    12/22/2025

    The Unfolding Podcast

    Keywords Self-discovery, vulnerability, personal growth, celebration, overcoming fear, relationships, storytelling, joy, upper limit response, community support Summary In this episode of the Unfolding Podcast, host Yvonne Wink shares her journey of self-discovery, vulnerability, and personal growth. She discusses the importance of embracing fear, celebrating successes, and navigating relationships during times of change. Yvonne emphasizes the power of storytelling and community support, while also addressing the challenges of upper limit responses that can arise when life gets better. The episode concludes with a focus on self-celebration and the significance of integrating personal growth into daily life. Takeaways Embracing vulnerability is essential for personal growth. Self-discovery often involves overcoming fear and people-pleasing tendencies. Sharing personal stories can create connections and support within a community. Celebration of success is often met with mixed reactions from others. Understanding upper limit responses can help navigate personal growth. Self-celebration is a crucial part of acknowledging progress. The journey of growth can change relationships and social dynamics. It's important to surround yourself with those who support your joy. Personal growth invites new opportunities and connections. You are not behind; you are in the process of becoming. Titles Unfolding Through Vulnerability The Journey of Self-Discovery Sound bites "Your joy invites others to rise with you." "Celebration wasn't frivolous. It was data." "You don't lose people when you grow." Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Gratitude 03:09 Embracing Vulnerability and Self-Discovery 05:47 The Journey of Overcoming Fear 08:54 The Power of Sharing Stories 12:03 Navigating Relationships During Growth 14:49 Celebrating Success and Joy 17:57 Understanding Upper Limit Responses 21:02 The Importance of Self-Celebration 23:52 Integration and Reflection 26:57 Q&A and Community Engagement Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

    39 min

  6. 12/15/2025

    The Unfolding Podcast

    Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

    1 hr

  7. 12/08/2025

    The Unfolding Podcast

    Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

    47 min

  8. 12/01/2025

    The Unfolding Podcast

    Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, wow, the signs were signing. And the red flags? Yeah, they were flagging. They weren't subtle. They were practically doing choreography in my face. But have you ever been so committed to potential that you started romanticizing red flags? Yeah, me too. Let's be honest, I didn't miss the signs. I rebranded them. He's inconsistent? No, no. I called that mysterious. Emotionally unavailable? Well, obviously, guys. He's just so deep, right? He just needs that time. Yes, I talk like that. Hasn't texted in three days? he's protecting his peace. Leave him be. He's processing. Bare minimum? Please. He's just like grounded and intentional. Yeah, the red flags were flagging and I was out there, jeuling them, bedazzling them. But let's be honest, I didn't ignore them. I rationalized them. You see, my brain said, this feels unsafe. My heart said, but he's healing. And my therapist said, girl, please. Welcome back to the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. And today we're talking about the red flags we decorate, the lessons that we collect along the way, and how sometimes what we call love is just our unhealed parts trying to feel useful. This isn't about regret. It's about reflection and maybe a little redemption. So grab your tea, maybe a glass of wine, your journal, or whatever's left of your intuition, and let's unfold this together. So if you've been unfolding with me since the door episode, that was a good one. First of all, congratulations. You survived your own version of that story. Second, buckle up friend, because today we're not reopening the door. We're just walking by it. We're kind of shaking our heads and saying, girl, I saw the signs. This episode is called, I named it the red flags. I decorated it. I named it for a very good reason. And you're going to learn throughout this episode and other lessons from the door because I didn't want it to just stop there. And let me tell you, I didn't just ignore the red flags. I adjusted the lighting until they started to look like pinkish. So picture it. Okay. I'm halfway through my year long sabbatical, walking through exotic islands, barefoot, bikini on, sun kissed, journal in my hand. Maybe even like a little cocktail in that cute little pineapple. Somewhere between enlightenment and emotional awakeness. And that's when he decided I had finally changed enough for him. Yeah, yeah, strap, strap in, strap in. He liked what he saw. Me. Healed. Happy. Brighter. Better without him. He saw a woman who was evolving and thought, yes, she could add value to my life now. And suddenly I was worthy. He said he wanted to move in a forward direction with me. Like literally, those were his words. Move in that forward direction with me. Like, sir, calm down. This isn't a GPS reroute. This is my life. He told me he couldn't live without me, that he wanted to spend his life with me. But somehow he kept me just confused enough that when I eventually walked in on him with another woman, he could say, okay, well, technically I'm not cheating on you because we're not together. And the monologue that came before that moment, Chef's Kiss. I have been in therapy for years. I have been working with therapists and healers, everyone that you sent me to. I've even had the devil delivered out of me. Also, I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just not going to stop drinking because you're asking me to do it. And he said, I love you. Just stop leaving the country. And then I'll do forever with you. Followed by the unspoken fine print. Also, I need a lot of space, tons. So I'll contact you whenever I feel like it. Okay, he didn't actually say that part, but those were the facts. And me? I thought, wow, this is character development. This man is healed. He can walk. Spoiler, he was not. Because here's the thing about words. They're free. Change costs something. But me, being the believer in potential that I am, the eternal optimist licensed in maybe he's different now, I actually started to work my way home a day early. And I walked straight in on him with another woman. Now, I'd love to say that I lost it, right? was flipping tables and screaming and maybe something just more dramatic. mean, also I was bruised and battered from being hit by a car. So my outside body was bruised and battered and shattered. And also my heart was. So I didn't, I wasn't dramatic and I wasn't crazy at the door. I handled it with grace. Too much grace, honestly. At that time I was still convinced that I was the problem. That's what I mean when I talk about the hook. Right? If you heard the last episode, you know, I talk about the hook that it, the hook is that invisible pull inside of you that keeps you turning back toward what's hurting you. I want you to envision a fish in the lake and someone throws the line out and it catches that fish and it's a hook, right? And then someone's reeling it back in and that fish turns back toward what's reeling it in. towards danger because it's pulling it in. So it's that, it's that trauma born hope that maybe this time they'll see you. They'll choose you. They'll love you the way you love them. The way you envisioned that life with them. But here's the truth. The hook doesn't lead you to healing. It keeps you orbiting the very thing pulling you in towards what's destroying you. And once I realized that, something in me snapped. But in the best possible way. And so I do what I do best. I turned it around. I booked another flight, got back on my pilgrimage and I continued my year of healing and apparently content creation. Because I just kind of figured, hey, when life hands you betrayal, you can either cry about it or you can start a brand. Because I spent most of this year writing my little baby book that I'm so excited about, Traumatized by a Narcissist. If so, you may be entitled to compensation. And I even started this podcast. I wanted to help other women break free from, into, but I wanted to help people, women break free from this exact kind of chaos and madness. I just figured when life hands you betrayal, girl, monetize it. Oh, what was I talking about again? Gosh, I see I lose my train of thought here. Um, okay. I was talking about the hook, but okay. I'm going to move on because I wanted to talk about the red flags. That's what I talking about. The red flags that I ignored. So looking back, the signs were there. They, they were like big red circus flags actually, but I was calling it chemistry. He'd vanish for days and I would just say he needs time to think. He would yell and lose it when something didn't go his way. And I just kind of... He's just expressive. Gaslight and twist things. Blame shift. And I said, we just speak different languages, different love languages. Yeah, I was out here marketing red flags like it was my side hustle. And y'all know that I love a good side hustle. So I mean, look, I'm looking back and I'm realizing, I wasn't dating a man. was, I was sort of managing a brand. Because when you're trauma-bonded, those red flags slowly start to look like rose petals. You tell yourself, he's not mean or cruel or moody. He's deep. He's not distant. He's busy. No, ma'am, he's dysregulated. Okay. I'm here to break it to you. Here's something I learned the hard way. Okay. When someone shows you they'd rather lose you than confront their actions. That's not love in any form. That's emotional cowardice wrapped in, in charm and projection. And it applies everywhere, friendships and in families, work and love. Because anywhere you're shrinking, just to keep the peace, you're losing yourself to keep a connection. And people who, who can't face their own behavior will always try to rewrite your reality. attention because for them it's self-protection. They blame shift, they disappear, and then get mad when you don't come begging. It's like, “wait, you ghosted me and now you're mad that I didn't text?” Sir, what in the psychological gymnastic hell are you talking about? But here's the truth. Your power lies in staying anchored in your reality, even when there's a spinning. Because when you become more focused on not losing someone, you start losing yourself. I know it happened to me. And that's the heartbreak no one talks about. The one that shows up everywhere. It shows up in families when you play small to keep the peace. In friendships, when you silence your truth so that you stay included. In love, when you bend until you break just to feel chosen. It's the slowest kind of disappearing. The kind where you start to fade from your own story. But that's also where your unfolding begins. The moment you decide you're done abandoning yourself. And once you've lived through that kind of heartbreak, you start to notice how often people try to rush you out of it. So listen here, mostly because they're uncomfortable sitting in their own, right? You start realizing just how many people have no idea how to hold space for pain, theirs or anyone else's. So this brings me to my quick public service announcement. Hang tight and listen because you're going to thank me later. Okay. Let's have a little fun here. So I have a list. I have my official top five things not to say to someone who's grieving. Someone who's brokenhearted, someone who's been ghosted, someone who's just in pain, right? Or confused, betrayed, or really like laying in a fetal position.  Okay. This is my top five things not to say to these people. Because when I was in the thick of that heartbreak, the things people said to me, bless their little hearts, were wild. Right? It was like five years of torture from losing my mom to my marriage ending to getting in a really terrible relationship. You know, just I don't think that people were able to process what I was going through.  And so what they would do is try to give me a Ted talk, right? Here's, here are the top five. Five, you're better off without that Well, true. It's like, okay, Su

    44 min
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About

I’m a woman who’s walked through fire…betrayal, heartbreak, trauma, depression, and self-doubt, and turned it all into gold, not by bypassing the pain, but by meeting it, sitting with it, learning from it, and rising from it. theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Yvonne Wink
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    16
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Yvonne Wink
  • Show Website
    The Unfolding Podcast