Trauma Talks : With Russ Tellup

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Hi, I’m Russ Tellup, a Trauma-Informed Somatic Coach and Level 1 Brainspotting practitioner. In my podcast "Trauma Talks," I dive into the neuroscience of trauma, exploring somatic healing practices, Polyvagal Theory, and IFS (Internal Family Systems) parts work. I also occasionally address the complexities of narcissistic abuse, offering insights and tools for healing. Join me each week as we navigate the journey of recovery, resilience, and self-discovery together.

  1. JAN 29

    If Love Feels Like Eggshells, Your Feet Are Tired

    When love feels like walking on eggshells, your body is telling the truth your mind keeps negotiating with. I sit down to unpack codependency as a nervous system strategy—how self-abandonment becomes the price of connection, why calm feels suspicious after chaos, and the subtle ways we confuse intensity with intimacy. Drawing from my own story and years of somatic work, I trace the developmental roots of codependency in inconsistent caregiving, emotional immaturity, and the “be tough, don’t feel” messages many of us, especially men, were taught. We get practical and compassionate. Through a polyvagal lens, I explain why hypervigilance and shutdown narrow access to safety and presence, and how that state pairs so neatly with narcissistic partners who bring certainty and intensity. You’ll hear how intermittent reinforcement, love bombing, withholding, blame shifting, and gaslighting create drama bonds that hook the nervous system—not the heart. Then we pivot to healing: grounding with feet on the floor, longer exhales, hands over heart and belly, and tracking the real-time sensations that signal when you’re bracing. We talk about naming needs without apologizing, practicing receiving without earning it, and using boundaries as information that reveals who can meet you where you are. If you’ve ever asked, “Why do I lose myself to keep the peace?” this conversation offers language, tools, and relief. You don’t heal by caring less; you heal by including yourself in the care. Subscribe for more trauma-informed, somatic insights, share this with someone who’s been mistaking intensity for love, and leave a review with the boundary you’re committing to this week.

    40 min

  2. JAN 14

    If You Were Born Enough, What Changed?

    A simple sentence—“you are enough exactly as you are”—can set off a storm in the body. Shoulders tighten, thoughts race, or everything goes numb. We walk through why that happens and how to work with it, not against it, by understanding trauma responses as protective strategies your nervous system learned to survive. Instead of blaming yourself for procrastinating, dissociating, or snapping, you’ll learn to see those moves as parts doing their best: managers that push and perfect, firefighters that douse pain with intensity or distraction, and exiles that carry old fear and shame. I share a personal story of early injury that shaped years of dissociation and mislabels, then unpack how Internal Family Systems helps us meet protectors with compassion. We explore the biology behind cortisol, adrenaline, and hypervigilance, and why the brain prioritizes survival over happiness. You’ll hear clear prompts to map your own parts: what they protect you from, when they learned their jobs, and what they fear would happen if they stopped for even a minute. This isn’t about thinking your way out; it’s about feeling your way through with informed, steady attention. Stay with me for a step-by-step guided visualization you can use anytime you’re triggered. We imagine the protector that appears when you hear “you are enough,” thank it for years of service, update it on your current capacity, and invite it to rest in a place that feels safe. We also tackle common self-sabotaging “I” statements—like “I should be further along” and “I shouldn’t need help”—and show how shifting language softens the system. By the end, you’ll have a practical, repeatable tool to reduce reactivity, increase choice, and rebuild a baseline of safety from the inside out. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs gentleness today, and leave a review with one insight you’re taking forward—what part are you ready to thank?

    26 min

  3. JAN 8

    Healing New Year: Choosing Peace After Toxic Love

    Holiday noise can feel like pressure when your body is begging for quiet. We open up about why a low-key New Year can be the bravest choice after a toxic or narcissistically abusive relationship, and how choosing safety over spectacle is not only valid—it’s smart nervous system care. If crowds feel risky, there’s nothing wrong with spending the night with a journal, a puzzle, and a warm mug while your breath slowly evens out. We dig into the difference between true rest and dissociation, then share simple anchors that keep you present at home: coloring, sketching, and five-minute free-writes that pull you out of rumination. You’ll also get a straightforward 30-day gratitude routine—one honest line a day—that trains your attention to notice small wins, builds a positive bias, and restores trust in your own perceptions after gaslighting and hypervigilance. Looking ahead, we announce the Mental Well-Being Club, an in-person community built for connection and recovery. Expect theme-based meetings like men’s mental health, parenting, and women’s mental health, with plans to stream sessions for those who can’t attend. We share details on the first meetup, why face-to-face support speeds healing, and how somatic coaching, brainspotting, and hypnotherapy can deepen the work. If you’ve been waiting for a practical way to start fresh, this conversation offers tools you can use tonight and a community to grow with in the months ahead. Subscribe for more grounded insights, share this with someone who needs a gentle New Year, and leave a review to help others find the show. Ready to try the one-line-a-day gratitude practice and join us at the first club meeting?

    7 min

  4. JAN 7

    Breaking The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

    What if the “spark” you crave isn’t love at all, but your nervous system chasing relief after chaos? We break down the narcissistic abuse cycle step by step—love bombing, devaluation, discard, and hoovering—and connect each stage to what’s happening inside your body. The result is a clear path out of confusion: you’re not attached to the person; you’re attached to the internal state they temporarily create. I share how intermittent reinforcement rewires your brain to seek tiny rewards and call it connection, why goalpost-shifting erodes self-worth, and how apologies without accountability keep the loop alive. We dig into the physiology of hypervigilance, the chemical highs of cortisol and adrenaline, and the false equation of intensity with safety. Then we pivot to practical healing: stabilizing your nervous system, relearning what safety feels like, and replacing drama with presence using simple somatic tools. You’ll also hear how grief fits into recovery—mourning the fantasy of who you hoped they were, not just the relationship itself. I offer concrete steps to navigate the collapse phase after leaving, build boundaries that stick, and rebuild a life where calm becomes your default setting. If trauma can echo through generations, healing can too. Let’s choose the version of love that is steady, accountable, and kind. If this conversation helped, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs clarity, and leave a review so more people can find trauma-informed tools that actually work. Your story might be the lifeline someone else is waiting for.

    45 min

  5. JAN 7

    Using Rhythm, Presence, And Safe Failure To Turn Stress Into Resilience

    Healing can feel abstract—until your hands start moving. We sit down with Kevin to unpack Toss Catch Heal, a movement-based approach that uses juggling, rhythm, and bilateral patterns to calm the nervous system, lower rumination, and rebuild confidence after grief and stress. This isn’t about flashy tricks; it’s about accessible, step-by-step exercises that teach presence, normalize safe failure, and help your body discharge stored tension. Kevin shares how scarves create immediate flow without overwhelm, why the beanbag “Drop Zone” reframes mistakes as data, and how the classic cascade pattern becomes a moving meditation. Along the way, we explore the physiology of stress: fascia tightens, posture collapses, and inflammation rises when cortisol floods your system. Gentle, rhythmic motion starts to melt that “shell of stress,” improves gait and breath, and signals safety back to the brain. Expect practical insights on dopamine and small wins, strategies to interrupt mental loops, and a clear blueprint to build a practice you can keep on tough days. We also touch on Focused on Motion, a sister track for creativity and peak performance once emotional homeostasis returns. Whether you’re processing loss, navigating anxiety, or just need a grounded daily ritual, these tools meet you where you are and scale with your capacity. Want to try it? Start with a scarf or tissue for five minutes, notice your breath slow, and let the rhythm do the work. If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who could use a gentler path to regulation, and leave a review so more people can find these tools. Your story might be the spark someone else needs—what small practice will you begin today?

    28 min

  6. 11/10/2025

    What If Death Is A Rebirth Into Purpose

    What if grief isn’t a staircase but a spiral that returns to teach us, soften us, and connect us to something larger than loss? That’s the journey Dave Roberts takes us on—former addictions counselor, longtime professor, and host of Teaching Journeys—after losing his 18-year-old daughter, Janine, to a rare cancer. We move from the clinical realities of unresolved grief and relapse to an honest, deeply human exploration of meaning, near-death experiences, and the possibility that love continues beyond the body. Dave shares how his early reliance on stage models gave way to a more accurate view: grief loops and resurfaces, especially through anniversaries, music, and memory. He describes a transformative encounter that shifted him from strict materialism to an open, critical curiosity about consciousness, the afterlife, and continued bonds. We dig into near-death experience research, veridical perceptions, and the tension between healthy skepticism and genuine mystery. Along the way, Dave shows how intention, service, and community can ease suffering while honoring the truth of the pain. We also talk generational trauma—abandonment, seizures, and the shape of inherited patterns—and what it means to forgive with context, not amnesia. Dave reframes his parents’ choices through ancestral insight, revealing how understanding reduces shame and frees the nervous system. For anyone facing raw loss, he offers grounded steps: show yourself grace, survive before you try to thrive, don’t judge a life by its last act after suicide, and build support with people who have capacity, not just proximity. If you’re looking for resources, Dave’s book with Patty Farino, When the Psychology Professor Met the Minister, and his Teaching Journeys podcast offer more tools, stories, and hope. If this conversation helped you breathe a little easier or think a little wider, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so others can find their way here too. Your voice helps this community grow.

    1h 8m

  7. 11/04/2025

    How A Veteran Turned Grief Into A Lifeline For 600+ Children

    What does it take to help a child rewrite their story after losing a parent who served? We sit down with Joe Lewis, a multi-branch veteran and founder of Angels of America’s Fallen, to unpack a simple, powerful model: pair each child with a coach or instructor in a passion they choose—sports, music, arts, cooking—and stay with them until age 19. No red tape. No one-size-fits-all plans. Just steady mentorship, local providers, and consistent check-ins that turn grief’s chaos into structure, belonging, and growth. Russ brings a trauma-informed lens to why this works. After a death, families lose the very co-regulation that keeps emotions manageable; everyone is grieving at once. A caring mentor becomes a nervous-system anchor. Chris Mamone adds the acceptance piece, showing how the “gift in crappy wrapping paper” reveals itself when kids feel seen, heard, and supported. Together, we explore post-traumatic growth without sugarcoating pain, naming the realities of PTSD, stigma, and the eligibility gaps that leave many families without formal benefits—especially after suicide or illnesses tied to service but not documented. Joe shares the origin of “Lessons from Lila,” a swim-safety initiative created after a waitlisted toddler drowned. It’s a sober reminder that the waitlist—now 800+ children—represents urgency, not numbers. We walk through wins large and small: a teen who went from ICU-level anorexia to cooking professionally and dreaming of dietetics; a young athlete nurtured from pee-wee football to national recognition; and kids who light up a room at the Angel Gala as their passions take center stage. Along the way, we talk joyful fundraisers like “Skate for Chicken,” new city chapters that raise local awareness, and the power of recurring donations to move children off the list faster. If you care about mental health, veteran families, first responders, and practical ways to prevent downstream harm, this conversation delivers both heart and blueprint. Join us: donate or start a monthly pledge at aoafallen.org, share this episode with someone who needs hope, and leave a review to help more listeners find these stories.

    55 min

  8. 10/14/2025

    Juggling Your Way Out of Trauma

    When grief and trauma threaten to pull you under, what if the most effective medicine wasn't sitting still, but moving with purpose? Kevin Howely discovered this truth firsthand after losing his sister, father, and mother in rapid succession between 2017 and 2020. Drawing on his unique background as both a professional clown and neuromuscular massage therapist, Kevin developed "Toss Catch Heal" – a therapeutic juggling method that transforms simple rhythmic movement into profound nervous system regulation. The science behind this approach is fascinating. Juggling creates bilateral stimulation (similar to EMDR therapy), activates both brain hemispheres, and releases neurochemicals that counteract depression and anxiety. For those stuck in trauma responses, the practice demands presence – you simply can't juggle while lost in rumination about the past or anxiety about the future. This forced presence, combined with gentle movement, creates what Kevin calls "medicine in motion." What makes this approach particularly valuable is its accessibility, especially for those who struggle with traditional talk therapy. "For men especially, this can be your starting place," Kevin explains. "I know how hard it can be to sit down and talk, but what if healing came through motion? What if taking action was the first therapy that finally worked for you?" Perhaps most surprising is how the therapeutic benefit extends beyond the successful catches to include the inevitable drops. Learning to drop objects without self-judgment becomes a powerful metaphor for releasing perfectionism and developing resilience. Starting with colorful scarves that slow movement and reduce fear, practitioners gradually build confidence while simultaneously calming their nervous systems. Whether you're working through grief, anxiety, depression, or simply feeling disconnected from your body, this innovative approach offers a playful yet powerful path toward healing. Visit Kevin's website or connect with him on Instagram to discover how something as simple as tossing and catching might become your unexpected pathway back to wholeness.

    42 min
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About

Hi, I’m Russ Tellup, a Trauma-Informed Somatic Coach and Level 1 Brainspotting practitioner. In my podcast "Trauma Talks," I dive into the neuroscience of trauma, exploring somatic healing practices, Polyvagal Theory, and IFS (Internal Family Systems) parts work. I also occasionally address the complexities of narcissistic abuse, offering insights and tools for healing. Join me each week as we navigate the journey of recovery, resilience, and self-discovery together.

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