The Messy Middle Podcast

Erika Leon
  • 5.0 (3)
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The podcast for women navigating the raw, confusing, lonely aftermath of narcissistic abuse and emotional control. I'm Erika Leon, trauma-informed Abuse Recovery coach, mom of five, and creator of the Six Keys to Unfu*kwithable. I have walked thousands of women through the part after the leaving where the adrenaline fades, the grief hits, and the world really wants you to just move on.If you are picking up the pieces, questioning everything, and trying to remember who the f**k you were before you were so carefully erased, you are in the right place.

  1. 5D AGO

    23 | Dating After Abuse: Slower, Safer Sparks

    If the idea of dating again still makes you feel physically ill, this episode is not for you yet, and that is completely okay. But if you have got to the point where you are dipping a toe back in, or even just thinking about it, this one is for you. Because something strange happens when you start dating after narcissistic abuse or a high control relationship. You expect to be better at spotting the warning signs. And in some ways, you are. But there is another layer that nobody really prepares you for. Your body is still wired to respond to what it got used to. That intense, fast-moving, all-consuming feeling you might get with someone new? A lot of the time that is not chemistry. That is your nervous system recognising a familiar pattern. And the person who is steady, consistent, and actually shows up? They can feel flat. Boring, even. And that is exactly where things get confusing. In this episode I get into: Why your nervous system can make red flags feel like chemistry and safety feel like a disappointmentThe difference between activation and actual connection, and why it matters so much at this stageWhy words like "boring" and "something's missing" might actually be really good signsHow the old conditioning comes back online when something feels slightly off and you start negotiating with yourself instead of trusting your gutWhy dating after abuse is less about spotting red flags faster and more about slowing everything downThe specific things worth paying attention to that go way beyond what someone saysWhy you are allowed to take your time, change your mind, and not get it perfectYou do not have to go into this with perfect discernment. You are allowed to learn as you go. And if dating feels confusing right now, that does not mean you have gone backwards. It means your system is recalibrating. And instead of asking yourself why you are not feeling it, try asking this instead: what is this reminding me of? That question will tell you everything. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    16 min

  2. MAY 7

    22 | Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About

    Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About There is a moment that hits almost every woman after she leaves. Sometimes it is not right away. Sometimes it is weeks later, late at night, looking at her phone or her bank account, and it lands like a quiet, heavy dread. I am on my own. And I am going to have to fight for everything. This week I am talking about financial fear after narcissistic abuse, and I want to be honest about how much bigger this is than most people give it credit for. I have lived it. I see it every single week with the women I work with. And I think it is one of the most isolating parts of leaving, partly because so many women feel embarrassed to say it out loud. In this episode I get into: How financial control creeps in slowly and why it is so easy to miss while you are in itWhy the aftermath is not just emotional, it is practical, and often deliberately designed to keep you in survival modeThe two ways most women respond to financial fear after leaving, and why both make complete senseWhy money after abuse is really about safety, self-trust, and whether you believe you can take care of yourselfWhy so many women come out the other side with a clearer, more conscious relationship with money than they ever had beforeThis is not about being good with money. It is about not being in the dark anymore. Because being in the dark is where your power got taken in the first place. If money feels heavy or looming right now, you are not behind. You are not incapable. You are in the middle of learning something you were probably never properly taught. And you will absolutely smash it. I promise. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    18 min

  3. APR 23

    21 | The Quiet Grief of "Wasted Years"

    In this episode, I’m talking about something that almost every woman I’ve ever worked with eventually hits: the quiet grief of “wasted years.” It’s that heavy moment of looking back at a relationship and thinking, I lost myself in that. Sometimes it’s years, sometimes decades. And it often comes with shame, confusion, and a harsh inner narrative that says you should have known better. But what if that whole story is built on hindsight that your past self simply didn’t have access to yet? Let’s get into it. In this episode, I cover:  The quiet, often unspoken grief that shows up after narcissistic abuse and emotional control Why “I should have left sooner” is usually hindsight talking, not truth  How abuse dynamics, coercive control, and gaslighting distort your perception while you’re inside them Why your brain rewrites the past once you finally learn the language for what happened How survival, timing, and nervous system capacity all shape when you were able to see and act  Why those “wasted years” are often years of adaptation, not failure The shift that happens when grief turns into clarity, discernment, and self-trust  How survivors often emerge from this stage with a strong refusal to lose themselves again This episode is not about reframing pain into positivity or skipping over grief. It’s about giving it space, naming it properly, and removing the self-blame that so often gets attached to it. Because once you understand what you were actually navigating, the question stops being “Why did I stay?” and starts becoming “How did I survive that?” And that shift changes everything about how you move forward. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    21 min

  4. MAR 26

    20 | Rebuilding Self-Trust After Manipulation & Abuse

    If you've ever walked away from a controlling or abusive relationship and found yourself completely frozen over the smallest decisions — what to wear, whether to text someone back, what to order for lunch — this episode is for you. It's not just that you stop trusting them after manipulation, control, or abuse. You stop trusting yourself. And that's the part nobody really talks about. Your internal compass gets scrambled. Not because you're broken, but because you were trained to override it. Over time, the loudest voice in your head stops being yours. It becomes theirs. And once you understand that, everything starts to make a little more sense. In this episode, we cover: Why making even basic decisions can feel debilitating after leaving a controlling relationshipHow self-trust gets eroded slowly and quietly, not all at onceWhy that harsh inner critic voice is often not yours, and whose it actually isWhy big, dramatic reinventions won't rebuild self-trust, and what actually willHow to use micro-decisions as daily medicine for your nervous systemWhat the freeze response really looks like, and how to gently bring choice back onlineThe guilt wave that shows up when you start putting yourself first A simple end-of-day journaling practice to start reconnecting with your own signalsYou don't rebuild self-trust with grand gestures or sweeping life overhauls. You rebuild it by choosing your lunch for the right reasons, leaving when you said you would, or following a tiny impulse and noticing how your body responds. It's unsexy. It's repetitive. And it is some of the most radical work you will ever do. You didn't lose your intuition. It just hasn't been listened to in a very long time. Let's change that. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    19 min

  5. MAR 19

    19 | Why You´ll Lose Your Friends After Leaving High-Control Relationship

    No one prepares you for this part. You think leaving the relationship will be the hardest thing… until your world starts getting smaller in ways you didn’t expect. In this raw and honest episode, I dive into the social fallout that often follows leaving a narcissistic or high-control relationship.  The friendships that fade. The family members who stay neutral. The quiet distance. The subtle disbelief. The gut-punch comments like “it takes two.” And the part that hurts the most? Wondering if it’s somehow your fault. I break down why this happens, not to scare you, but to free you from the shame spiral that so many women fall into when their support system shifts or disappears. Inside this episode, wcovers: Why you may lose up to 80% of your social circle after leavingHow “neutrality” often protects the person who caused harmThe role of bystander inaction and why people don’t step upSecondary isolation and why leaving can feel just as lonely as stayingThe subtle ways people question your reality and how that impacts your healingWhy some friendships were built on proximity, not depthThe unexpected clarity and empowerment that can come from this lossThis isn’t just about grief. It’s about rebuilding. Because while this phase can feel deeply lonely, it’s also where you start choosing differently. Where you stop performing, stop appeasing, and start aligning with what actually feels safe, real, and true. If your world got smaller after you left, this episode will help you understand why… and remind you that you didn’t make the wrong choice. You didn’t lose everything. You’re making space for something better. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    23 min

  6. MAR 12

    18 | "I'll Never Need Anyone Again" Hyper Independence Phase

    “I’ll never need anyone again.” If you’ve said this (out loud or quietly to yourself) after coercive control, betrayal, divorce, or going no contact… this episode is for you. In this conversation, I’m unpacking the very real phase so many women enter after high-control or narcissistic relationships: the swing from “I can’t survive without them” to “I will never depend on anyone ever again.” And I want to normalize this immediately: That response makes sense. If trusting someone meant humiliation… If vulnerability meant punishment… If needing support gave someone leverage over you… Of course your nervous system would decide: I’ll handle everything myself. But there’s nuance here. In this episode, I break down: The difference between hyper-independence and the sacred cocoon phaseWhy becoming “the strong one” can turn into an identity (and quiet isolation)How armor protects you… and how it can also exhaust youThe hidden cost of always being capableThe difference between fear-based independence and healthy autonomyWhy “I don’t need you” and “I don’t trust you won’t hurt me” are not the same sentenceBut there is a difference between healing solitude and fear-based exile - and learning to feel that distinction in your body is part of the work. This episode is not about rushing back into relationships. It’s not about convincing you to “open your heart” before you’re ready. Healing doesn’t mean becoming dependent again. It means expanding your capacity - inch by inch - so that connection no longer equals control, and support no longer equals weakness. You don’t need to be rescued. And you don’t need to be hardened forever either. You get to be sovereign. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    24 min

  7. MAR 5

    17 | Why Peace Feels Boring After Narcissistic Abuse

    You finally got out. The chaos has stopped. So why does peace feel flat? Restless? Almost… boring? In this episode of The Messy Middle, I’m talking about something that so many women experience after leaving a narcissistic or high-control relationship but rarely admit out loud: Calm can feel uncomfortable. Instead of relief, you might feel numb. Irritated. Agitated. Like something is missing. You might even catch yourself missing parts of the relationship and immediately spiral into, “What is wrong with me?” Nothing is wrong with you. If you lived in volatility for years, your nervous system calibrated to volatility. The adrenaline spikes, the emotional highs and lows, the intermittent reinforcement, the push-pull dynamic, that chaos had a rhythm. And your body learned how to survive inside that rhythm. When it disappears, your system doesn’t instantly relax. It scans. It waits. It braces. In this episode, I break down: Why your nervous system confuses familiarity with safetyThe “intensity illusion” and how intermittent reinforcement wires your brainWhy steady can feel suspicious after fireworksThe urge to self-sabotage, text them, pick a fight, or create dramaWhy calm can feel like emptiness instead of freedomThe difference between feeling unsafe and feeling unfamiliarI also share a simple micro-practice to help you gently expand your capacity for peace without overwhelming your system. There is a gap between chaos and comfort. That gap is the messy middle. And if peace feels weird right now, that doesn’t mean you made a mistake. It means your nervous system is recalibrating. Eventually, calm stops feeling boring. It starts feeling safe. Then powerful. Then luxurious. And one day you will realize the fireworks were not chemistry. They were conditioning. If your peace feels strange right now, you are not broken. You are learning a new rhythm. And that rhythm? It’s called freedom. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    18 min

  8. FEB 26

    16 | Who Am I Without Him? Journey Back to Yourself

    Who am I when I’m not managing someone else’s moods? Who am I when I’m not bracing for the explosion, calculating the cost of my resistance, or shrinking myself to keep the peace? In this raw and deeply honest episode of The Messy Middle, I’m diving into one of the most disorienting questions we face after narcissistic abuse and coercive control: Who am I without him? This isn’t just about being single. It’s about identity loss after emotional abuse. It’s about what happens to your nervous system when you’ve spent years adapting to volatility, managing someone else’s emotional temperature, and surviving through hypervigilance. In this episode, I talk about: How coercive control slowly rewires my nervous systemWhy I felt lost, untethered, and confused after leavingThe grief no one warned me about: mourning the version of me who survivedWhy “missing him” was often my body missing predictability, not the abuseHow his voice tried to live on inside my inner criticThe subtle, powerful steps I took to rebuild my identity safelyIf you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “I don’t even know what I like anymore,” I’ve been there too. What I’ve learned is this: that identity fracture isn’t weakness. It’s conditioning. And rebuilding doesn’t happen through pressure or performance. It happens through small, nervous-system-safe choices that help me trust myself again. I also share a simple, practical exercise I use to reconnect with my body’s preferences and rebuild self-trust, one tiny decision at a time. If you feel like you’re between versions of yourself, not who you were but not yet who you’re becoming, you’re not broken. You’re in the messy middle. And that space? It’s where autonomy, selfhood, and real freedom begin. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    23 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

The podcast for women navigating the raw, confusing, lonely aftermath of narcissistic abuse and emotional control. I'm Erika Leon, trauma-informed Abuse Recovery coach, mom of five, and creator of the Six Keys to Unfu*kwithable. I have walked thousands of women through the part after the leaving where the adrenaline fades, the grief hits, and the world really wants you to just move on.If you are picking up the pieces, questioning everything, and trying to remember who the f**k you were before you were so carefully erased, you are in the right place.

Information

  • Creator
    Erika Leon
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    23
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Messy Middle Podcast
  • Show Website
    The Messy Middle Podcast