The Messy Middle Podcast

Erika Leon
  • 5.0 (3)
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The podcast for women navigating the raw, confusing, lonely aftermath of narcissistic abuse and emotional control. I'm Erika Leon, trauma-informed Abuse Recovery coach, mom of five, and creator of the Six Keys to Unfu*kwithable. I have walked thousands of women through the part after the leaving where the adrenaline fades, the grief hits, and the world really wants you to just move on.If you are picking up the pieces, questioning everything, and trying to remember who the f**k you were before you were so carefully erased, you are in the right place.

  1. Jun 18

    28 | Why You Feel Behind in Life After Narcissistic Abuse

    Do you ever look around and feel like everyone else got the life you were supposed to have? The stable relationship. The career. The home. The confidence. The clear direction. Meanwhile, you're trying to rebuild after emotional abuse, betrayal, divorce, coercive control, or years spent surviving instead of thriving. In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica explores the painful belief that you're somehow "behind" in life, and why that feeling is so common for survivors of narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships. When you've spent years managing someone else's moods, walking on eggshells, second-guessing yourself, carrying the mental load, or simply trying to survive, it's easy to look back and feel like you've lost time. But what if you're comparing yourself to a timeline that was never yours to begin with? Together we unpack:  Why survivors often feel left behind while everyone else seems to be moving forwardThe hidden cost of spending years in survival modeHow social media and comparison can distort realityWhy you're not comparing apples to apples when you compare your journey to someone else'sThe grief of the life you thought you'd have by nowWhy healing isn't about catching up, it's about creating a life that actually fits youThis episode is a powerful reminder that you're not failing, broken, or late. You've simply lived through experiences that shaped your path differently. And from here, you get to build a life based on what matters to you, not what looks good from the outside. If you've been carrying that quiet ache that says "I should be further along by now," this conversation is for you. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    22 min

  2. Jun 11

    27 | Why Healing Doesn't Feel the Way You Expected

    Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I seem okay on the outside... but inside I'm still struggling"? After narcissistic abuse, emotional control, betrayal, or a high-conflict separation, many women find themselves functioning long before they feel healed. You're going to work, looking after the kids, handling responsibilities, showing up for everyone else, and from the outside it might seem like you've moved on. But underneath? You're still carrying grief, triggers, confusion, anger, and moments that knock the wind out of you. In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica explores the uncomfortable feeling that you're somehow "faking" your healing because the version the world sees doesn't always match what's happening inside. She unpacks why functioning is often mistaken for recovery, how societal pressure can make you feel like you should be "over it by now," and why healing is never as neat or linear as people expect. You'll learn: Why healing and functioning are not the same thingHow shame and unrealistic timelines keep women judging their own recoveryWhy feeling triggered doesn't mean you've gone backwardsThe difference between processing and being stuckHow real healing often shows up in quiet, subtle waysWhy you can be moving forward and still be affected at the same timeIf you've been wondering whether you're doing recovery "wrong" because you're still having hard days, this episode is your reminder that healing isn't a performance, a personality, or a finish line. It's messy, layered, unpredictable, and completely human. You are not faking it. You're simply in the middle of it. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    16 min

  3. Jun 4

    26 | The 'Was it really that bad?" Thought Spiral..

    One of the most confusing parts of recovery after narcissistic abuse or coercive control is the moment you catch yourself wondering: "Was it really that bad?" In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica dives into the painful spiral so many survivors experience after leaving an abusive relationship. The memories start to soften. The good moments rise to the surface. The loneliness feels louder than the harm. And before you know it, you're questioning your own reality all over again. If you've ever found yourself missing someone who hurt you, replaying the good times, or wondering whether you exaggerated what happened, this episode is for you. Erica explores why this happens, how gaslighting continues long after the relationship ends, and why your brain naturally tries to edit painful memories to reduce discomfort. She also explains why so many survivors question themselves, return to unhealthy relationships, or worry that they're somehow the problem. Inside this episode, you'll learn: Why your brain tends to remember the good moments firstHow loneliness can distort your perception of the pastThe lasting impact of gaslighting and self-doubtWhy questioning yourself doesn't mean you're wrongHow to stay anchored in reality without re-traumatizing yourselfThe difference between remembering isolated moments and looking at the overall patternWhy it's possible for good memories and harmful dynamics to exist at the same timeThis is a compassionate conversation about self-trust, healing, and staying connected to the truth of your experience when your mind starts rewriting the story. If you're caught in the "maybe it wasn't that bad" spiral, take a breath and press play. You are not alone, and there are very real reasons this happens. As always, send in your questions and Erica may answer them in a future episode. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    12 min

  4. May 28

    25 | Dating as a Practice Ground for Self-Trust

    Dating after narcissistic abuse or coercive control can feel less like excitement… and more like a full-blown survival exam. In this episode, I’m talking about why dating after abuse often becomes loaded with pressure, hypervigilance, self-criticism, and endless overthinking. The “Am I gonna miss the red flags again?” spiral. The scanning. The second-guessing. The feeling that every interaction somehow determines whether you’ll end up hurt all over again. But what if dating wasn’t actually about finding “the one” right now? What if it became a practice ground for rebuilding self-trust instead? We dive into: Why dating apps and modern dating can feel so dysregulating after emotional abuseUsing dating as a social experiment instead of a high-stakes performanceHow to stay connected to yourself while interacting with other peopleThe small moments where self-trust is either built or abandonedThe importance of noticing how your body feels after a date, not just during itRed flags to pay attention to, especially around misogyny, accountability, empathy, and controlWhy discernment is more important than perfectionThis episode is not about becoming cynical, guarded, or terrified of relationships. It’s about learning how to stop disappearing inside them. Because the goal isn’t to become perfect at spotting every bad person instantly. The goal is learning how to stay connected to yourself while gathering information, observing behavior, and trusting your own nervous system again. Dating becomes very different when the focus shifts from: “Do they like me?” to: “Do I actually like how I feel around them?” This is an episode about self-trust, nervous systems, boundaries, intuition, discernment, people-pleasing, healing after narcissistic abuse, and learning how to stop betraying yourself in tiny ways just to keep someone else comfortable. And somewhere in the middle of all that… you might actually start having fun again too. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    15 min

  5. May 21

    24 | The “Oh Hell No” Phase of Healing: When All You See are Red Flags

    After narcissistic abuse or coercive control, there’s a phase nobody really talks about enough: the moment you go from missing red flags… to seeing them absolutely everywhere. In this episode, I’m talking about the hypervigilance that kicks in after emotional abuse recovery. That feeling where every comment, every inconsistency, every weird vibe suddenly feels loaded. Your nervous system is scanning constantly. Your body reacts before your brain can even catch up. You start wondering: Am I finally seeing clearly… or am I becoming too guarded? We dive into the overcorrection phase that so many survivors experience after leaving abusive relationships. The swing from over-explaining harmful behavior and giving endless benefit of the doubt… to wanting to run at the very first sign something feels “off.” I talk about: Why your nervous system starts flagging danger everywhere after coercive control The difference between discernment and hypervigilance How trauma can blur the line between noticing something and actually being unsafe Why not every uncomfortable moment is automatically a toxic pattern Learning to trust yourself again without shutting the whole world out The importance of observing behavior over time instead of rushing to conclusions Why your body reacts so strongly to familiarity after emotional abuse How self-trust and discernment are rebuilt slowly, through practice and awareness This episode is for the women who feel exhausted from constantly scanning, second-guessing, and trying to “get it right” early so they never end up trapped in abuse again. You are not broken for noticing more now. You are awake. Your awareness has expanded. And now comes the next part of healing: learning how to work with that awareness in a way that protects you without imprisoning you. As always, we’re talking nervous systems, somatics, self-trust, trauma responses, emotional safety, and the messy middle of healing after narcissistic abuse. And yes, I’ll still be reminding you to put your feet on the floor, breathe, and trust your damn self. 💛 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    18 min

  6. May 14

    23 | Dating After Abuse: Slower, Safer Sparks

    If the idea of dating again still makes you feel physically ill, this episode is not for you yet, and that is completely okay. But if you have got to the point where you are dipping a toe back in, or even just thinking about it, this one is for you. Because something strange happens when you start dating after narcissistic abuse or a high control relationship. You expect to be better at spotting the warning signs. And in some ways, you are. But there is another layer that nobody really prepares you for. Your body is still wired to respond to what it got used to. That intense, fast-moving, all-consuming feeling you might get with someone new? A lot of the time that is not chemistry. That is your nervous system recognising a familiar pattern. And the person who is steady, consistent, and actually shows up? They can feel flat. Boring, even. And that is exactly where things get confusing. In this episode I get into: Why your nervous system can make red flags feel like chemistry and safety feel like a disappointmentThe difference between activation and actual connection, and why it matters so much at this stageWhy words like "boring" and "something's missing" might actually be really good signsHow the old conditioning comes back online when something feels slightly off and you start negotiating with yourself instead of trusting your gutWhy dating after abuse is less about spotting red flags faster and more about slowing everything downThe specific things worth paying attention to that go way beyond what someone saysWhy you are allowed to take your time, change your mind, and not get it perfectYou do not have to go into this with perfect discernment. You are allowed to learn as you go. And if dating feels confusing right now, that does not mean you have gone backwards. It means your system is recalibrating. And instead of asking yourself why you are not feeling it, try asking this instead: what is this reminding me of? That question will tell you everything. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    16 min

  7. May 7

    22 | Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About

    Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About There is a moment that hits almost every woman after she leaves. Sometimes it is not right away. Sometimes it is weeks later, late at night, looking at her phone or her bank account, and it lands like a quiet, heavy dread. I am on my own. And I am going to have to fight for everything. This week I am talking about financial fear after narcissistic abuse, and I want to be honest about how much bigger this is than most people give it credit for. I have lived it. I see it every single week with the women I work with. And I think it is one of the most isolating parts of leaving, partly because so many women feel embarrassed to say it out loud. In this episode I get into: How financial control creeps in slowly and why it is so easy to miss while you are in itWhy the aftermath is not just emotional, it is practical, and often deliberately designed to keep you in survival modeThe two ways most women respond to financial fear after leaving, and why both make complete senseWhy money after abuse is really about safety, self-trust, and whether you believe you can take care of yourselfWhy so many women come out the other side with a clearer, more conscious relationship with money than they ever had beforeThis is not about being good with money. It is about not being in the dark anymore. Because being in the dark is where your power got taken in the first place. If money feels heavy or looming right now, you are not behind. You are not incapable. You are in the middle of learning something you were probably never properly taught. And you will absolutely smash it. I promise. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    18 min

  8. Apr 23

    21 | The Quiet Grief of "Wasted Years"

    In this episode, I’m talking about something that almost every woman I’ve ever worked with eventually hits: the quiet grief of “wasted years.” It’s that heavy moment of looking back at a relationship and thinking, I lost myself in that. Sometimes it’s years, sometimes decades. And it often comes with shame, confusion, and a harsh inner narrative that says you should have known better. But what if that whole story is built on hindsight that your past self simply didn’t have access to yet? Let’s get into it. In this episode, I cover:  The quiet, often unspoken grief that shows up after narcissistic abuse and emotional control Why “I should have left sooner” is usually hindsight talking, not truth  How abuse dynamics, coercive control, and gaslighting distort your perception while you’re inside them Why your brain rewrites the past once you finally learn the language for what happened How survival, timing, and nervous system capacity all shape when you were able to see and act  Why those “wasted years” are often years of adaptation, not failure The shift that happens when grief turns into clarity, discernment, and self-trust  How survivors often emerge from this stage with a strong refusal to lose themselves again This episode is not about reframing pain into positivity or skipping over grief. It’s about giving it space, naming it properly, and removing the self-blame that so often gets attached to it. Because once you understand what you were actually navigating, the question stops being “Why did I stay?” and starts becoming “How did I survive that?” And that shift changes everything about how you move forward. 📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast! 📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper. 🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start!  📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

    21 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

The podcast for women navigating the raw, confusing, lonely aftermath of narcissistic abuse and emotional control. I'm Erika Leon, trauma-informed Abuse Recovery coach, mom of five, and creator of the Six Keys to Unfu*kwithable. I have walked thousands of women through the part after the leaving where the adrenaline fades, the grief hits, and the world really wants you to just move on.If you are picking up the pieces, questioning everything, and trying to remember who the f**k you were before you were so carefully erased, you are in the right place.

Information

  • Creator
    Erika Leon
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    28
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Messy Middle Podcast
  • Show Website
    The Messy Middle Podcast