Now That You See It

Pancho Gomez & Kim Paull
  • 5.0 (1)
  • Management

Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez are two curious, opinionated friends who love nothing more than to change their own minds. Now That You See It is a podcast about the moments when a belief shifts — and what's possible once it does. Each episode, they dig into the ideas, biases, and assumptions that quietly run our lives — the ones so familiar we've stopped questioning them. Sometimes a guest joins. Sometimes it's just the two of them, thinking out loud together toward something neither of them expected. They cover the hidden operating system behind everyday stuff: why we judge others faster than ourselves, how our personalities might be inherited survival strategies, what actually makes change stick, why friendships get harder when we're grown. Conversations go long because that's when the big aha moments hit. If you've ever caught yourself wondering if anyone else saw that glitch in the matrix, you're in the right place.

  1. 1d ago

    How to Make Big Decisions Without Chasing Happiness with Stephanie Peirolo

    Some of the most powerful beliefs we hold aren't ones we consciously chose. They're the stories we inherited from our families, culture, workplaces, and communities about who we're supposed to be, what success looks like, and what we're allowed to want. This week, executive coach and author Stephanie Peirolo joins us to explore how those hidden narratives shape the biggest decisions of our lives. We discuss discernment, intuition, values, service, leadership, and why making meaningful decisions isn't the same thing as chasing happiness. Along the way, Stephanie shares lessons from her book The Saint and the Drunk, explains how ancient spiritual practices can help anyone make wiser decisions regardless of their beliefs, and offers practical ways to recognize the stories that no longer serve us. If you've ever wondered whether the life you're building is truly yours, this conversation is for you. Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources The Saint and the Drunk by Stephanie Peirolo Stephanie's book introduces a practical approach to discernment and decision-making, blending Ignatian spirituality with modern coaching and accessible reflection exercises.Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert Pancho references Gilbert's research on affective forecasting, which explores why humans are surprisingly poor at predicting what will make us happy in the future.The Spiritual Exercises by St. Ignatius of Loyola The centuries-old foundation of Ignatian discernment, emphasizing imagination, reflection, and paying attention to one's inner experience when making important life decisions.The Live Your Values Deck by Andrea Nicolescu and Lisa Gollwitzer A practical card deck Stephanie recommends for clarifying personal values and using them as a guide when making difficult decisions.

  2. Jul 23

    10 Ways to get Out of a Rut (Fast)

    Feeling stuck can start to feel like a permanent state. You stop saying, “I’m having trouble moving forward,” and maybe even start identifying with it - “I’m stuck.” In this shortisode, Kim and Pancho each bring five ways to get out of a rut. They explore how changing your environment can interrupt familiar patterns, why an easy warm-up task may work better than forcing yourself to start with the hardest thing, and how the story you tell yourself about being stuck can deepen the rut. They also look at the role of action, emotion, and resistance. Sometimes motivation follows action rather than preceding it. Sometimes the next step is obvious, but you do not want the emotional experience that comes with taking it. And sometimes getting unstuck begins by noticing all the options your brain has already dismissed. The episode includes practical experiments drawn from Byron Katie, Mark Manson, Joe Hudson, and Martha Beck, along with simpler approaches like asking someone you trust what you are missing, putting constraints around a messy project, and cleaning up one draining habit at a time. You may not need to overhaul your life. You may only need enough movement, perspective, or capacity to stop reinforcing the version of the story where nothing can change. Once you see that stuckness could be a mindset issue just as much as a logistical one, you can’t unsee it. Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources Byron Katie - The Work A simple four-question inquiry process for examining the stories you tell yourself and exploring alternative perspectives.Joe Hudson - Art of Accomplishment The distinction between intellectual stuckness and avoiding an uncomfortable emotional experience.Mark Manson - Action Creates Motivation The idea that motivation often follows action, rather than the other way around.Martha Beck - "Shackles Off" Looking for small actions that feel like taking the handcuffs off, then gradually building more of them into your life.

  3. Jul 9

    Should You Play To Win - Or Play Not To Lose? with Christina Reynolds

    Christina Reynolds is a coach, a former scientist. At one point, she left a long-term relationship, quit her corporate job, and hiked across the country, all in the span of just a few months. The thing she can't unsee is that there's no such thing as the right decision. Not really. A choice only becomes right or wrong after you've made it and watched how it plays out, and even then, the meaning keeps shifting depending on what happens next. And really, the choice itself only matters and takes on meaning when you assign meaning to it. Her reframe is simple to say and hard to live: instead of trying to make the right decision, make the decision right. Take responsibility for whatever you choose and commit to getting the most out of it, rather than agonizing at the fork or beating yourself up in hindsight. Christina, Kim, and Pancho go into depth about what keeps people from deciding. They cover the differences between wanting to get it right, which tends to be about decisions that only affect you, and not wanting to get it wrong, which shows up when other people are involved. They discuss Joe Hudson's framing that we intellectualize and ruminate to avoid even more uncomfortable experiences. They explore why it's so difficult to be running from something if you don't know what you're running toward, and they explore that it's likely useless and false to say, "I should have known better." Pancho brings the maximizer versus satisficer distinction, the pre-mortem as a defense against hindsight bias, and a yoga teacher's framing of what it means to do the wrong thing when you betray yourself. Kim brings the March of Folly and the small, genuinely difficult question of where self-compassion ends and accountability begins. The reframe that stopped us dead was when Christina suggested that maybe the most useful approach is to act as if you're always doing the right thing, and the freedom it unlocks. Concepts Explored and Sources Referenced The Parable of the Chinese Farmer: the "maybe, maybe not" story at the heart of the episode about how the meaning of any event depends on what comes nextNow That You See It, Decisions That Make Themselves: the recently re-released episode on the big choices that don't actually feel like choices, referenced directly hereThe Inside-Out Revolution by Michael Neill: on the idea that your experience is generated internally rather than by circumstances "out there," referenced by ChristinaMaximizers vs. satisficers: the decision-making framework Pancho raises, where "good enough" tends to produce more life satisfaction than "it could always be better," even when maximizers get objectively better outcomes

  4. Jun 30

    5 Reasons People Stay Stuck

    This is our second Shortisode, a short-podcast format discussion. As Kim calls it, it's Punch O'Clock! This one is about why people don't change even when they genuinely want to. Kim brings five reasons plus a bonus, and Pancho adds three more. They cover the obvious stuff and the sneaky stuff: Not having felt the full pain of the status quoNot being able to picture the benefit of a change you haven't lived yetOverweighting the cost of uncertaintyAvoiding the emotional experience of even considering the leapChasing a change that was never actually yours to begin with.Pancho adds the anchor problem, the one thing in your life you won't give up that quietly undermines everything else, and the reality that you're a product of your environment, so if your partner or your people aren't moving with you, you're rowing upstream. Kim brings in executive dysfunction, and why, for some people, the barrier isn't avoidance at all; it's that the mechanics of starting are genuinely overwhelming. Once you see that good change is still hard because it involves loss without the expected benefit yet in hand, you can't unsee it. Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources Joe Hudson: the idea that avoiding emotional experiences, particularly around uncertainty, is a major driver of suffering and of staying stuckStumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert: on why we're bad at predicting what will make us happy, and why talking to someone who's already lived the change beats imagining it aloneNow That You See It, How To Navigate Change You Didn't Choose episode: the deeper conversation on navigating change you didn't choose that this list builds on

  5. Jun 26

    5 Worst Things to Say When Someone Is Struggling

    Welcome to our first Shortisode, the first of a new short-form format. It's Punchy O'Clock! This one is about the five worst things you can say when someone shares a challenge with you. Not because the people who say them are bad, but because almost all of us reach for these phrases with good intentions and end up making the other person feel worse. Kim ranks her five: "It could be worse""Here's my story"Jumping straight to advice"Look on the bright side""Everything happens for a reason."Pancho reacts on the fly and adds a couple of his own at the end. The thread running through all of them is the same. Each phrase is a way of managing our own discomfort with someone else's pain, and in doing it, we accidentally invalidate theirs. It's quick, it's practical, and by the end, you'll probably recognize a few things you've said yourself.

  6. Jun 4

    When You Change, People Get Weird with Noelle Cordeaux, Lumia CEO

    Noelle is back. She founded Lumia Coaching, trained both Pancho and Kim, and is the reason the two of them know each other. This is their second conversation with her, and it picks up a thread from the first: when you change, people get weird. The three of them pull that thread from every direction. - What happens inside the relationships when one person starts growing and the others haven't yet. - Why the people closest to you experience your change as an implicit accusation. - How family systems don't just absorb individual growth, they spin out, sometimes catastrophically, before they find a new baseline. - What it feels like to move through the wasteland after you change, unsure of who will follow and support you in the aftermath. Noelle brings the frame of imago, the idea that we often seek relationships that help us meet the unmet needs of our earlier selves, and what happens when we actually get there and no longer need those relationships in the same form. She also brings her own life as a case study, referencing the consistent experience of moving forward into uncertainty and watching some relationships follow her and others fall away. Kim talks about stopping the rupture-repair cycle with someone close to her. And about choosing strategic mediocrity, deciding what (and who) gets her best, letting everything else be good enough. Pancho talks about stopping drinking, the awkwardness of learning to have strong convictions without encroaching on other people's choices, and a twenty-year process of adding nuance to upturn his views what it means to be a woman in business leadership circles full of people who don't look like you. When you change, people get weird. It turns out that weirdness isn't about you. Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources Imago relationship theory: referenced by Noelle as a framework for understanding why we seek certain relationships and what happens when we outgrow them; developed by Harville HendrixLumia Coaching: Noelle's coach training program where Pancho and Kim trained; ⁠lumiacoaching.com⁠Margaret Moore and neuroplasticity: referenced by Noelle in the context of intentionally refilling yourself after changeThe Dartmouth Scar Experiment: referenced by Pancho; a study in which participants with prosthetic scars continued to perceive others as treating them negatively, even after the scars were removed, demonstrating how self-perception and expectations shape our reality.Now That You See It, Episode on Unwanted Change: the Masters of Change episode referenced directly in this conversation, on allostasis, resistance, and navigating transitions you didn't choose

  7. May 29

    Intimacy Requires Anxiety with Dr. Bruce Chalmer

    Dr. Bruce Chalmer has been a couples therapist for over 30 years. Before that, he was a statistician. And at some point in the time between the two, he went through the kind of despair that changes how someone approaches adversity forever. That experience, and what he found on the other side of it, is what led him to clinical work. It's what he still brings into every session: a specific non-religious faith, a conviction that reality is right to be what it is, even when it's brutal. People who can hold that perspective don't panic, and that lack of panic allows them to be kind. Be kind, don't panic, and have faith. That's the seven-word formula behind his podcast with his wife Judy Alexander, and it's the thread running through this whole conversation. We explore the framework that relationships have two distinct sets of needs: stability and intimacy, and that these two things are structurally in tension. Stability is about keeping anxiety low. Intimacy is about tolerating anxiety without freaking out. And most couples, especially stable ones who love each other, quietly sacrifice intimacy to protect stability. We then suss out the difference between deal breakers and growing pains, dig into the one skill that solves every relationship problem (the ability to be moderately annoyed), and what happens to couples after betrayal when they do the work. Pancho shares his three-year conversation with his wife about whether to have children, which turns out to be a pretty good real-world case study in everything Bruce is describing. Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast with Bruce Chalmer and Judy Alexander: ⁠https://couplestherapyinsevenwords.com⁠The Passion Paradox by Bruce Chalmer: his book on stability, intimacy, and why relationships need both to stay aliveWhole Brain Living by Jill Bolte Taylor: referenced for the idea that we are all multiple people simultaneously, mapped onto four physiological characters based on left/right hemispheres and neocortex/limbic systemInternal Family Systems (IFS) via Richard Schwartz: referenced alongside Jill Bolte Taylor's work as a framework for understanding the multiplicity within each personViktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning: referenced in the context of finding meaning even in the worst circumstances as Bruce's working definition of faithAlain de Botton, Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person: referenced for the idea that every partner is a bundle of specific annoyances and the work is figuring that out together; theschooloflife.comBill Doherty's discernment counseling: referenced as the framework behind Bruce's video course on whether to stay, wait, or leave

  8. May 21

    Embrace the Awkward: A Coach's Playbook for Speaking Up with Salvatore Manzi

    Salvatore Manzi lost his voice on stage the first time he tried to speak publicly. His dad was a public speaker, and his mom facilitated large group events. It was obvious that he would also become a speaker and facilitator. The first time he stood in front of a room, he lost his voice and had to walk off stage, humiliated. That was the beginning of a 20-year project to help himself and others use their voice clearly and compellingly. He's most excited to work with people who struggle to use their voice: analytical thinkers, introverted leaders, and other people who have brilliant ideas and genuinely struggle to get those ideas across in ways that move other people. This is a wide-ranging conversation. Salvatore outlines two distinct roots of imposter syndrome in public speaking: a negative experience that taught your nervous system public speaking is dangerous, and a lifetime of conditioning that people like you don't get a voice in rooms like this. We cover practical tools like using space, silence, and stillness to communicate more powerfully and hold people's attention. We cover nuances like the anticipatory pause and how most people are pausing in the wrong place. Pancho brings in the concept of vagal authority from polyvagal theory to reinforce Salvatore's practical tip to move 5% more slowly than the rest of the room. Kim shares about her own imposter story, including a toxic boss situation that had an entire team convinced the problem was them individually, until someone passed around a book. The closing idea is the one worth sitting with. If you can see something extraordinary in someone else, that recognition means you already have some version of it in you. The gap is to step into that capacity yourself. Once you see that imposter feelings aren't a sign something is wrong with you but a signal you're growing, you can't unsee it. Referenced & Recommended Ideas / Resources Clear and Compelling by Salvatore Manzi: his book on communication strategies for leaders, available for pre-order https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/clear-and-compelling-salvatore-manzi/1148510383?ean=9798895740347Taming Your Gremlins by Rick CarsonAforemations by Noah St. JohnMultipliers by Liz WisemanCarol Dweck's growth mindset researchPolyvagal theory and vagal authorityChase Hughes, behavioral scientist: referenced for the principle of moving 5% slower than anyone else in the roomByron Katie's The WorkWhy The Brain Loves Stories - https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_stories_change_brain

See All (39)

About

Kim Paull and Pancho Gomez are two curious, opinionated friends who love nothing more than to change their own minds. Now That You See It is a podcast about the moments when a belief shifts — and what's possible once it does. Each episode, they dig into the ideas, biases, and assumptions that quietly run our lives — the ones so familiar we've stopped questioning them. Sometimes a guest joins. Sometimes it's just the two of them, thinking out loud together toward something neither of them expected. They cover the hidden operating system behind everyday stuff: why we judge others faster than ourselves, how our personalities might be inherited survival strategies, what actually makes change stick, why friendships get harder when we're grown. Conversations go long because that's when the big aha moments hit. If you've ever caught yourself wondering if anyone else saw that glitch in the matrix, you're in the right place.

Information

  • Creator
    Pancho Gomez & Kim Paull
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    39
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2025 Pancho Gomez & Kim Paull
  • Show Website
    Now That You See It