Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: Funny Bedtime Stories for Kids

Shaun Morton VO
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Odd little tales for big imaginations, told by Mr Morton with warmth, wit, and theatrical flair. The weekly kids podcast that makes bedtime easier. Audio stories for children full of wholesome chaos and warm endings. Family listening that entertains everyone. Witty, delightfully bonkers, silly, and never mean. Stories that make kids laugh and tired parents breathe. Wholesome humour that settles softly. Perfect for bedtime, car journeys, school runs, or anytime you need a calming bedtime story. Ages 4 to 400. Your easiest bedtime win.

  1. The Sleeping Beauty Who Wouldn't Wake Up 👑😴

    5D AGO

    The Sleeping Beauty Who Wouldn't Wake Up 👑😴

    Princess Petunia has been fake snoring for three months, and honestly it is going brilliantly. Under her enormous pink duvet, she is reading about pirates and eating smuggled biscuits while the entire kingdom believes she is under a terrible enchanted curse. It is the perfect plan. Until the princes start arriving. Prince Theodore brings cymbals. Then bagpipes. Then seventeen live chickens, which he releases directly into her bedroom. Prince Frederick tries singing, badly. Prince Barnaby attempts interpretive dance, somehow worse. Prince Nigel tries tickling, which nearly works. Petunia survives all of them with heroic concentration and some very convincing fake snoring. Then Prince Humphrey arrives. He does not bring instruments or chickens or interpretive dance. He simply looks at Petunia's enormous bed, says "that looks cosy," climbs in, and goes to sleep. His snoring rattles the windows. His starfishing steals every blanket. His sleep-talking involves a pudding rebellion and a rhinoceros called Gerald. His left foot is somehow in her face. When Petunia finally explodes out of bed in fury, the whole kingdom declares the curse broken and immediately announces an engagement. Things do not improve from there. What follows is a wonderfully chaotic fairy tale that twists the Sleeping Beauty story completely inside out. There is the disastrous Awakening Machine, which Petunia builds to wake Humphrey and which explodes spectacularly into a blizzard of feathers and pillow stuffing. There is Petunia quietly taking over the kingdom and making it magnificently ridiculous. There are Mandatory Fun Fridays, a dragon book club, skip-marching guards, and the Great Pudding Fight. And eventually there is the Kingdom of Perpetual Naps, where sleeping is a competitive sport and Humphrey comes third in the Sleeping Marathon because he accidentally woke up on day twelve. This is one of the best fun kids stories in the collection for children who love fairy tales told sideways, princesses who refuse to behave like princesses, and the deeply satisfying idea that someone with cymbals, bagpipes, and seventeen chickens can still fail completely. It is also for parents who want funny bedtime stories for kids that are genuinely witty and reward attention. The comedy is layered, the character voices are brilliant, and the story never once stops to explain its own jokes. If you are searching for quiet stories for kids that are actually anything but quiet, a kids story podcast with proper theatrical storytelling, or fun children's stories that make the whole car go silent, Petunia's royal chaos is exactly what your household needs. The laughs escalate magnificently all the way to the Awakening Machine explosion, then the story settles into something warm and joyful, making it a perfect bedtime story podcast choice. Funny without being frantic. Kind hearted, never mean. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is wholesome family storytelling with a bonkers twist. Performance driven, kind hearted, and never mean. Episode length: approximately 17 minutes Ages: 4 to 400 Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, after school wind down If Petunia made your household laugh, follow the show for more funny bedtime stories for kids that settle cosy and leave everyone smiling.

    17 min
  2. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits - Funny Bedtime Stories for Kids

    TRAILER

    Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits - Funny Bedtime Stories for Kids

    Looking for funny bedtime stories for kids that are clean, cosy, and calming? Welcome to Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits, a weekly kids storytelling podcast packed with short, silly children's stories told with warmth, wit, and a dash of theatrical flair. Every week Mr Morton opens a wriggly, wayward, wildly imaginative book from his very peculiar bookshop and out tumbles a bonkers tale of magnificent mayhem. Expect mischief, nonsense, and characters who make spectacularly terrible choices that somehow turn out triumphantly. Wholesome chaos, warm endings, every time. What you will get each week: Short fun kids stories perfect for winding down before lights outClean, kind humour, never mean, never scaryA warm cosy ending designed to help kids settleBrilliant for bedtime, the school run, car journeys, and after school wind downNew story every TuesdayFor bedtime bookworms, back seat adventurers, and parents who insist they are just listening along. Ages four to four hundred welcome. Sensible stories are kept on a different shelf. If you are searching for quiet stories for kids that are funny without being frantic, or a kids story podcast that makes bedtime easier and gives tired grown ups something to smile about, tap Follow so the next bonkers bit is ready when you need it. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits. Funny children's stories. Warm endings. Your easiest bedtime win.

    2 min
  3. The Second Hand Shop Next Door ⏰✨

    FEB 10

    The Second Hand Shop Next Door ⏰✨

    Next door to Mr Morton's bookshop is a shop that confuses everyone. The sign reads Second Hand Shop, so naturally people expect bargains on old furniture and wobbly chairs. What they find instead are drawers. Hundreds of wooden drawers with neat little labels. And inside them are second hands. Not gloves. Not watches. Actual ticking, gleaming second hands from clocks. Most people back out slowly mumbling apologies. But one afternoon, a child called Lily stays. Lily is always catastrophically late for everything. Time, she feels, is personally attacking her. There is never enough of it. So when the shopkeeper explains that these golden seconds can give you one more moment when you need it, Lily buys three. Then sixty. Then hundreds. She uses them for everything. Extra seconds to tie shoelaces without her fingers going weird. Extra seconds to actually hear what Dad is saying instead of just nodding. Extra seconds to make breakfast last, to stretch a laugh, to enjoy the bit in her book where the dragon finally shows up. She is still always late, but now she is late with better quality. Then things start getting strange. Lily is using so many borrowed seconds that time around her begins behaving oddly. Her breakfast takes forty minutes while everyone else finishes in ten. Conversations with her seem to last forever. At school, she works on one maths problem for ages while everyone else races ahead. And one evening during dinner, every single second she has used that day activates at once. Time around Lily lurches. The kitchen slows to almost nothing. Dad is frozen mid sentence. Mum is paused reaching for salt. But Lily is moving at normal speed, which means she is trapped in a world where everyone else has stopped. What follows is a thoughtful, gently magical story about the paradox of time. About trying to make moments last longer and discovering that the best time is actually when you forget time exists completely. When an hour vanishes while you are reading because you are so absorbed the clock disappears. Lily learns this not through a lecture, but through experience, returning her unused seconds and discovering something real about how time actually works. This is a funny bedtime story for kids who are always rushing, always late, always wishing there were more hours in the day. It is also for parents who recognise that feeling of time slipping away and would quite like a story that explores it with warmth and wonder instead of stress. The story has magical shop mystery, frozen time moments that feel genuinely strange, and a resolution that lands somewhere thoughtful and cosy. Perfect for family listening when you want audio stories for children that make everyone think as well as smile, for bedtime when you need a calming bedtime story with a bit of mystery and magic, or for car journeys when the kids storytelling podcast needs to be clever enough to keep older children engaged. The chaos builds as Lily uses more seconds, the frozen kitchen scene is wonderfully odd, and then it all settles into something gentle and true. If you are searching for funny bedtime stories for kids with thoughtful themes, wholesome humour that respects intelligence, and a bedtime story podcast that never lectures but still leaves everyone feeling something real, this second hand shop is waiting next door. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is wholesome family storytelling with a bonkers twist. Performance driven, kind hearted, and never mean. Episode length: approximately 14 minutesAges: 4 to 400Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, after school wind down Follow the show for more funny bedtime stories for kids that turn big ideas into warm, silly adventures.

    14 min
  4. The Thing That Became Nothing ⚽👨‍👦

    FEB 3

    The Thing That Became Nothing ⚽👨‍👦

    The Thing That Became Nothing ⚽👨‍👦 Every parent tries to take an interest in what their child loves. It is practically in the small print of the job description. But what happens when Dad takes that interest so seriously it transforms into a full scale mission of wholesome chaos. Tommy wants a simple father and son hobby. Normal things. Sensible things. A kick about in the garden on Sunday afternoons. Building a model aeroplane at the kitchen table. Reading a book together before bed. The sort of quiet family bonding that is meant to make everyone feel cosy and connected without taking over your entire life. Dad agrees. This sounds lovely. This sounds manageable. This sounds like responsible parenting. Then Dad escalates. Because Dad does not just join in. He commits. Completely. Utterly. With the kind of determined enthusiasm that starts as a lovely idea and grows into something slightly alarming, slightly brilliant, and definitely not what Tommy had in mind when he suggested kicking a football around for twenty minutes. What should be a calm shared activity becomes a hilarious spiral of over eager parenting. There are plans. There are schedules. There are levels of organisation that feel wildly unnecessary for a hobby that is supposed to be relaxing. There is equipment appearing that nobody asked for. There is accidental competitiveness creeping in. And there is Tommy slowly realising that grown ups are very strange creatures when they decide they are being helpful and supportive. The hobby grows. It gets bigger. Stranger. More elaborate. Far more ridiculous than anyone could have possibly expected. Because when someone decides they are going to be the BEST at supporting their child's interests, common sense often takes a holiday and does not leave a forwarding address. This episode is a funny bedtime story for kids who love watching adults get things wonderfully wrong, and for tired parents who want a bedtime story podcast that entertains them too without feeling like homework. It is warm, kind hearted, never mean, and full of the sort of recognisable family chaos that makes everyone nod and think, yes, that is exactly what would happen. The laughs build as Dad gets more enthusiastic and Tommy gets more bewildered. The silliness piles up in the most delightful way. And then the ending lands softly with that feeling of being safe, loved, and ready to switch off the light. Because sometimes the best thing you can do together is absolutely nothing at all. If your house enjoys audio stories for children that feel like real life with a ridiculous left turn, this one is a treat. Expect gentle comedy, family warmth, and the comforting reminder that being together matters more than being busy. Perfect for family listening when you want a kids storytelling podcast that makes children giggle and parents feel seen, or at bedtime when you want funny bedtime stories for kids that settle into calm instead of winding everyone up. The story builds energy and laughs but ends in a place that helps bedtime actually happen, making it a brilliant calming bedtime story choice for households that need wholesome humour with a cosy landing. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is performance driven storytelling that turns everyday family moments into warm, silly adventures. Kind hearted, never mean, and always safe for bedtime. Episode length: approximately 12 minutesAges: 4 to 400Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, after school wind down Follow the show for more funny bedtime stories for kids that make bedtime easier and make grown ups smile too.

    13 min
  5. The Bicycles That Wouldn't Work 🚲🍪

    JAN 27

    The Bicycles That Wouldn't Work 🚲🍪

    The Bicycles That Wouldn't Work 🚲⚙️ Joe and Sam have been saving for months. Every coin. Every shiny bit of pocket money. Every heroic act of not buying sweets when the temptation was overwhelming. Today is finally the day they march into Pedalot's Bicycle Emporium to buy their dream bicycles. Pedalot's is bursting with bikes of every shape, size, bell, basket, and unnecessarily exciting handlebar streamers. There are bicycles that gleam. There are bicycles that look fast even when standing still. There are bicycles with so many gears it seems excessive. Mr Pedalot loves bicycles with the sort of devotion normally reserved for newborn puppies and very fancy biscuits. He is helpful, enthusiastic, and the kind of man who might have strong feelings about proper chain maintenance. The boys choose their bikes. They are magnificent. Perfect. Everything they hoped for. They pay with coins counted out carefully on the counter. They wheel their new bicycles out onto the high street with enormous grins and plans to ride all the way home showing off to absolutely everyone. Then everything goes spectacularly wrong. Disaster strikes on the high street in the way that only bicycle disasters can. Wobbling begins. Mechanical sounds that should not be happening start happening. The sort of crunching noise that makes your stomach drop. And suddenly the boys are stranded miles from home with no money left, no repair kit, and two bicycles that have apparently decided to stop working at the worst possible moment. Panic rises. The street is busy. The bikes refuse to cooperate. Joe and Sam stand there trying to figure out what to do next when they stumble, quite by accident, into the Soggy Biscuit Tea Shop. Mrs Crumbleton runs the Soggy Biscuit with warmth, tea, and the sort of practical common sense that only comes from years of dealing with minor catastrophes. Her shop smells like comfort and baked goods. Her cups are mismatched but perfect. And when two boys arrive looking lost with two broken bicycles, she does not panic. She listens. She serves tea. And then she suggests a solution that nobody would ever find in a bicycle repair manual but somehow makes complete and utter sense. What follows is a joyful, slightly bonkers rescue mission involving creativity, teamwork, and the discovery that sometimes the best help comes from the most unexpected places. There is problem solving. There is quick thinking. There is the warm glow of realising that when things go wrong, there are still kind people in the world who will help you find a way forward. This is a kids storytelling podcast episode full of friendship, adventure, and the kind of wholesome chaos that feels oddly true to life. It is the perfect audio story for children who like stories that start ordinary and become wonderfully strange. Parents will enjoy the warm humour, the gentle pace, and the satisfying calm at the end that makes it a lovely calming bedtime story choice. Perfect for family listening during car journeys when you need something engaging, after school when everyone needs to wind down, or at bedtime when you want funny bedtime stories for kids that settle into something cosy. If you are searching for wholesome humour, problem solving adventures, and a bedtime story podcast that makes tired parents smile too, this bicycle disaster is exactly what you need. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is wholesome family storytelling with a bonkers twist. Performance driven, kind hearted, and never mean. Episode length: approximately 9 minutesAges: 4 to 400Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, after school wind down If your family enjoyed this funny kids podcast moment, a quick rating helps other tired parents find it too.

    10 min
  6. The Wolf Who Couldn't Help Himself 🐺🍽️

    JAN 20

    The Wolf Who Couldn't Help Himself 🐺🍽️

    The Wolf Who Couldn't Help Himself 🐺🍽️ Winston Wolf is the most feared food critic on Wibbleton Way. One bad review from him and a restaurant can expect flames, floods, or complete structural failure by the end of the week. Winston does not write these reviews lightly. He is precise, serious, and absolutely convinced that terrible cooking should never be allowed to continue unchallenged. Then three wildly enthusiastic pigs open three restaurants on the same street at the same time. Winston can smell trouble before he even opens the menus. He can also smell burnt gravy, undercooked pastry, and something that might be soup but could equally be an incident waiting to happen. The restaurants are called Straw Cuisine, Stick Bistro, and The Brick Oven, which should have been Winston's first warning that these pigs have more enthusiasm than actual cooking ability. At first, Winston plans to do what any sensible food critic wolf would do. Write a review. Give them one star. Walk away. Let the pigs learn from their mistakes in their own time like responsible adults. Job done. Problem solved. But then he tastes the food. And it is spectacularly, impressively, almost artistically awful. The sort of bad that makes you wonder how someone can put ingredients together in exactly the wrong order and still produce something that technically qualifies as a meal. Winston writes his review. The restaurant does not improve. Winston writes another review. The pigs smile, nod enthusiastically, and continue serving food that should come with a warning label. And that is when something inside Winston snaps. Because when you know how things should be done, it is surprisingly difficult to watch other people do them so badly, especially when those people are cheerful about their incompetence and seem entirely unbothered by the fact that their mashed potato has the texture of wallpaper paste. Winston starts getting involved. Just small suggestions at first. Tiny helpful comments about seasoning and cooking times. But helpful comments turn into longer explanations. Longer explanations turn into demonstrations. Demonstrations turn into Winston standing in someone else's kitchen, wearing an apron, running three restaurants simultaneously because apparently nobody else is capable of doing it properly. The comedy builds as Winston tries and fails to stop interfering, the pigs keep cheerfully accepting his help without actually learning anything, and the whole situation spirals into something ridiculous. There are menus that should not exist. There are meals that behave like they are alive. There is a wolf who desperately wants to walk away but cannot seem to stop himself from fixing everything. This story twists a familiar fairy tale into something deliciously odd and recognisable. It is for kids who like a bit of gentle menace without anything truly nasty, and for parents who want wholesome humour with bite that still lands warm. Children will enjoy the silly food disasters and the increasingly frantic wolf. Grown ups will recognise the feeling of trying to fix someone else's mess and somehow making it bigger. Perfect for family listening when you want audio stories for children that feel clever, a kids storytelling podcast episode that makes everyone smile, or at bedtime when you want funny bedtime stories for kids that build laughs then settle into something softer. The story escalates beautifully, then lands in a place that feels safe enough for a calming bedtime story. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is wholesome family storytelling with a bonkers twist. Performance driven, kind hearted, and never mean. Episode length: approximately 18 minutesAges: 4 to 400Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, after school wind down Subscribe for more cosy bedtime story adventures that feel weird in the best possible way.

    18 min
  7. Penelope Puddleworth's Perfect Problem 👑✨

    JAN 13

    Penelope Puddleworth's Perfect Problem 👑✨

    Penelope Puddleworth's Perfect Problem 👑✨ Penelope Puddleworth wakes up one morning with a brand new certainty. She is perfect. Not quite perfect. Not mostly perfect. Properly, completely, magnificently perfect. Possibly the most perfect person who has ever lived, and certainly the most perfect person in her school, on her street, or in the entire town if she is being honest about it. At first, this feels marvellous. School becomes easier when you are convinced you already know everything. Problems vanish when you believe you are too perfect to have them. People seem smaller. Penelope seems taller. Better. Finer. Superior in every measurable way. It is oddly satisfying in the playground to look down at everyone and think, yes, I am clearly winning at being a person today. Then the day unfolds, and perfection starts behaving in a very strange way. Because perfection is not just a feeling you carry around in your head. It is a thing. A physical thing. And the more Penelope insists on being superior to everyone around her, the more awkward it becomes to actually exist in the world. Friendships start wobbling. Conversations go sideways. The playground turns into a place where being the best is suddenly not the same as belonging, and belonging starts to feel more important than Penelope expected. Doors become difficult to fit through when you are convinced you are larger than life. Chairs feel wrong when you believe you are too good to sit in them like a normal person. Other children stop inviting you to join their games when you keep announcing that you could do it better if you bothered, which you will not, because you are far too perfect to bother with their silly activities. By lunchtime, Penelope is eating alone. By afternoon break, she is standing by herself near the fence, looking at groups of children laughing together and wondering when everyone else became so small and she became so isolated. By home time, perfection does not feel marvellous anymore. It feels lonely. Heavy. Like carrying around a balloon that has grown so large it is lifting you off the ground and away from everyone you actually care about. This episode is funny, thoughtful, and gently bonkers in equal measure. It is for clever kids who enjoy a story that makes them giggle and think at the same time, and for parents who want a bedtime story podcast that has warmth and kindness at its heart without feeling like a lecture disguised as entertainment. The humour is silly on the surface, with recognisable truths tucked underneath about confidence, friendship, and what actually matters when you are trying to figure out who you are. Perfect for family listening after school when everyone needs to wind down, during car journeys when the mood needs lifting, or at bedtime when you want a kids storytelling podcast episode that builds with fun then lands softly enough that sleep can actually happen. If you are searching for funny bedtime stories for kids that are not mean, not preachy, and still genuinely entertaining for grown ups who are tired of nursery rhyme nonsense, Penelope's perfectly peculiar day is a lovely place to start. The story builds with silly moments and recognisable playground dynamics, then settles into something warm and gentle that makes it a brilliant calming bedtime story choice for audio stories for children that help everyone feel a bit softer by the end. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is wholesome family storytelling with a bonkers twist. Performance driven, kind hearted, and never mean. Episode length: approximately 13 minutesAges: 4 to 400Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, after school wind down Follow the show for more family listening stories that feel like a cuddle with a silly hat on.

    13 min
  8. Wendy Wobblewand and the Bonkers Brew 🧙‍♀️✨

    JAN 6

    Wendy Wobblewand and the Bonkers Brew 🧙‍♀️✨

    Wendy Wobblewand and the Bonkers Brew 🧙‍♀️✨ At the end of Wobble Street lives a witch with a bent wand, socks that never match, and a reputation for potions that are far too sparkly for polite magical society. Wendy Wobblewand has tried doing magic properly. Measuring carefully. Following rules exactly as written. Keeping ingredients in alphabetical order. Maintaining eyebrow positions at all times. Behaving like a serious witch should. It did not go well. In fact, it went spectacularly badly in ways that are still being discussed at the annual Witches Guild meetings with concerned head shaking. So on one moonlit evening, Wendy decides she is done with neat. She is done with proper. She is done with trying to make magic behave like a chemistry experiment when it clearly wants to be something else entirely. She is going to brew magic the way she believes it should be made. With curiosity, confidence, and a cheerful disregard for official magical standards that would make her instructors faint. The cauldron is warmed. The fire crackles with what sounds suspiciously like approval. The ingredients arrive in a wobbling parade, some hopping, some rolling, one doing a little dance across the kitchen counter. The wooden spoon begins to hum like it is pleased with itself for the first time in years. And then an unexpected helper appears, right when Wendy is one wrong sprinkle away from turning the whole kitchen into a very polite puddle. From there, everything gets fizzier. Because this is not the sort of potion that sits quietly and behaves like a textbook illustration. This is the sort of bonkers brew that reacts to feelings, opinions, and the general idea that rules might be slightly overrated. It bubbles when Wendy doubts herself. It sparkles when she dares to be brave. It does something very strange indeed when she finally decides that being odd might not be a problem that needs fixing. The cauldron glows. The kitchen fills with colours that do not have proper names yet. The potion begins to sing, which is absolutely not in any instruction manual Wendy has ever read. And somewhere in the chaos, Wendy discovers that the best magic does not come from following every rule perfectly. It comes from trusting yourself, even when yourself is wearing mismatched socks and wielding a wand that bends left when it should go straight. This episode is a warm kids storytelling podcast adventure for children who love witches, magical mishaps, and stories where the funny bits come from things going slightly wrong in a kind hearted way. It is also for grown ups who want audio stories for children that feel cosy, clever, and genuinely enjoyable to listen to without falling asleep from boredom. Wholesome humour, gentle silliness, and a soft landing at the end mean bedtime does not turn into a trampoline session. Perfect for family listening on a rainy afternoon when everyone needs cheering up, a school run that could use a bit of wonder, or bedtime when you want giggles that settle into calm instead of bouncing round the room. If you are searching for funny bedtime stories for kids with magical characters, creativity, and a calming bedtime story ending that helps tired parents actually get everyone to sleep, Wendy's wonky wand is ready to work its magic. Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits delivers family audio stories with theatrical warmth, silly surprises, and kind hearted endings you can trust. Episode length: approximately 11 minutesAges: 4 to 400Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, after school wind down Follow the show for more funny bedtime stories for kids that feel like a cuddle with a silly hat on.

    12 min
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Odd little tales for big imaginations, told by Mr Morton with warmth, wit, and theatrical flair. The weekly kids podcast that makes bedtime easier. Audio stories for children full of wholesome chaos and warm endings. Family listening that entertains everyone. Witty, delightfully bonkers, silly, and never mean. Stories that make kids laugh and tired parents breathe. Wholesome humour that settles softly. Perfect for bedtime, car journeys, school runs, or anytime you need a calming bedtime story. Ages 4 to 400. Your easiest bedtime win.

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