WhatEvenIsThis's Podcast

WhatEvenIsThis
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  • PERSONAL JOURNALS

Welcome to “What Even Is This?”, the deliciously unserious podcast where I, try to make sense of life, love, chaos, healing, and every random thought that jumps into my head at 3 a.m. If you’ve ever looked at your life and said “what is this nonsense??”, you’re home. This is a space for laughing, venting, reflecting, oversharing, and figuring things out one chaotic chapter at a time. New episodes every week — or whenever life stops life-ing enough for me to talk about it.

Episodes

  1. 1D AGO

    Letting Go — Why Was That So Hard?

    EP 10: The Aftermath (Season Finale) In this season finale, I talk about what happens after the chaos. Moving out before eviction. Couch surfing with strangers. Security jobs in winter. Job hunting like my life depended on it — because it did. This episode is about rebuilding from zero, finding stability again, and the humbling lessons that come after you think the worst is over. And just when life starts to look up… the past knocks — loudly. Forgiveness. Relapse. Two unused plane tickets. And the moment I finally knew: I was done. This isn’t a fairytale ending. It’s a real one.

    8 min

  2. 1D AGO

    Locks Changed on Me — Who Authorized This?

    Locks Changed on Me — Who Authorized This? Four months into relocating, moving in together, and building what I thought was a life… the locks were changed on me. In this episode, I talk about the day I came home and couldn’t get in. No warning. No conversation. No keys. What followed was panic, police, property managers, betrayal, power plays, eviction notices, money disappearing, depression, and realizing—very loudly—that I was being erased in real time. This is what it looks like when control shows up wearing silence. If you’ve ever been abandoned without being told you were abandoned— this one’s for you. Blue Band

    14 min

  3. 6D AGO

    The Relationship Had Terms & Conditions — Who’s?

    In this episode, I sit in the uncomfortable space between knowing and leaving. This isn’t the episode where I pack my bags — it’s the one where I pack my thoughts. I talk about what it feels like to be self-aware but still stuck. About recognizing imbalance, power shifts, and emotional conditions… yet not having the courage (or capacity) to walk away — not yet. We unpack how love slowly became conditional, how my body reacted before my mind caught up, and how awareness without action doesn’t always free you — sometimes it just exhausts you. This episode is for anyone who’s ever thought: “I see it… I just can’t leave yet.” Small doses. Big truths.

    5 min

  4. FEB 5

    When Love Became a Bill — Who Set Me Up?

    In this episode, I unpack how love quietly turned into obligation — when “we’re in this together” became a one-sided financial burden. From going half on bills that were never really half, to carrying emotional and monetary weight that wasn’t mine to hold, this is the story of how support slowly became exploitation. This episode explores the guilt economy, shrinking your needs for the sake of peace, and the moment you realize you’re no longer a partner — you’re a resource. Because cheating hurts your heart… but money issues quietly drain your soul.

    6 min

  5. JAN 30

    Messing My Bed… Who else was in my bed?

    EP6: Who Else Was in My Bed? This episode was hard to say out loud. Let’s talk about the infidelity that unfolded right inside my home — the kind of betrayal that doesn’t just hurt your heart, but rewires your sense of safety. From discovering multiple women early into living together, to strangers being invited into my space while I was away working, to the moment I walked into a betrayal I couldn’t unsee — this episode is about the quiet ways disrespect shows up before it is a wild fire. If you’ve ever questioned your intuition, stayed longer than you should have, or felt betrayed in a place that was supposed to be safe — this one is for you. Blue Band

    7 min

  6. JAN 22

    I Betrayed my intuition; What For?

    I turn the mirror inward in this Ep This episode isn’t about what he did — it’s about what I allowed. I unpack the moment I realized I was silencing my intuition, renaming red flags as green, romanticizing instability, and confusing intensity for intimacy. From emotional unpredictability and secrecy to the night I packed up everything and left — again — this episode is about accountability, self-betrayal, and the quiet ways we abandon ourselves while calling it love. It’s messy. It’s honest. And it’s uncomfortable in the way growth usually is. If you’ve ever made excuses for someone who made you feel unsafe — emotionally or otherwise — this one is for you. Blue Band

    7 min

  7. JAN 15

    He Enters the Chat: Who Introduced Me to This Man?

    I didn’t plan for him. He just showed up — loud, confident, magnetic — and somehow became part of my story before I realized what was happening. In this episode, I take you through the slow burn that turned into a fast, fiery romance: a chance meeting, a long virtual friendship, emotional dependence disguised as safety, and the kind of connection that feels cinematic… until the cracks start to show. This isn’t a love story — it’s the beginning of one unraveling. From romanticizing potential to ignoring intuition, I unpack how passion can blur red flags and why you never really know someone until you start living together. And yes… there’s a cider metaphor. Because love really had me tasting things I would’ve spit out sober. Stay with me — this is where it starts getting real.

    10 min

  8. JAN 8

    Diaspora Dynamics & Loneliness: Who Signed Me Up for This?

    Moving across the world teaches you a lot — but nothing prepared me for navigating people. In this episode, I unpack the loneliness that comes with diaspora life, the quiet politics of immigrant circles, and the unexpected reality of being the new girl among people who already have their cliques, history, and unspoken rules. I talk about learning that shared backgrounds don’t always mean shared support, why protecting your peace becomes essential, and how community isn’t something you automatically inherit — it’s something you build slowly, intentionally, and sometimes painfully. This is for anyone who thought community would be easy… Anyone who moved and felt more alone than they expected… And anyone learning that belonging starts with choosing yourself first. Blueband

    8 min

  9. JAN 1

    Starting Over at 40: Who Approved This?

    Starting over looks cute on Instagram until the loneliness hits like a brick at midnight. No friends, no familiar faces, no familiar streets… just me trying to rebuild at an age where making new circles feels like auditioning. Here’s the truth about reinventing yourself when the world thinks you’re “too old to start again.” Blueband.

    9 min

  10. 12/25/2025

    Relocating to a New Continent: Who Sent me?

    This year dragged me, humbled me, spit me out, then asked if I was done crying. I wasn’t — but I survived anyway. In this episode, I look back at the chaos I didn’t sign up for, the depression that tried me, and the tiny inner voice that whispered, “We’re not done.” This is the story of the move that broke me open… and quietly saved me. Blueband

    10 min
  • 10 Episodes

About

Welcome to “What Even Is This?”, the deliciously unserious podcast where I, try to make sense of life, love, chaos, healing, and every random thought that jumps into my head at 3 a.m. If you’ve ever looked at your life and said “what is this nonsense??”, you’re home. This is a space for laughing, venting, reflecting, oversharing, and figuring things out one chaotic chapter at a time. New episodes every week — or whenever life stops life-ing enough for me to talk about it.

Information

  • Creator
    WhatEvenIsThis
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    10
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 WhatEvenIsThis's Podcast