Sexy After 50: Improve Sex & Intimacy by Healing Your Nervous System

Dr. Julie Merriman
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  • SEXUALITY

Sexy After 50 is the podcast for women over 50 who are done pretending they don’t miss feeling turned on, confident, and alive in their bodies. If sex feels confusing, inconsistent, painful, or nonexistent…If your desire disappeared and no one explained why…If you’re tired of being told it’s “just hormones” or that this is “normal aging”… You’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Juls, licensed therapist, nervous-system specialist, and midlife expert—and this show is about waking up what never left. Each episode explores how intimacy, sex, pleasure, and desire after 50 are shaped not just by hormones, but by your nervous system, stress load, emotional labor, body confidence, and lived experience. We go beneath surface-level sex tips and into somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and nervous-system regulation so your body can feel safe enough to want again. This is for women navigating: • Low libido • Painful or disconnected sex • Sexless marriage or mismatched desire • Weight gain and body shame • Hormonal changes • Feeling invisible, unwanted, or alone Sexy After 50 shows you how to rebuild pleasure, emotional connection, intimacy, and confidence—without forcing yourself, fixing yourself, or faking desire. Because your fire never left. It went into protection. And we’re waking it up—gently, powerfully, and on your terms. If your body is saying, “Yes—this is what I’ve been needing to hear,”download the Desire & Fire Reset—a free nervous-system practice designed to bring intimacy and desire back from shutdown.  The link is in the show notes. Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone—using nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex or sexless marriage.

  1. 10H AGO

    New Positions, New Desire: Why Your Body Is Wired to Want What It Hasn't Had Yet

    Your brain isn't bored with your partner. It's bored with the map. And that is a completely different problem — with a completely different solution. If desire has been fading in your relationship and you've been telling yourself it's just age, just hormones, just the natural end of the electric years — this episode is about to change what you believe is possible. Here's what the neuroscience actually says: Your dopamine system — the desire circuit in your brain — does not respond to the familiar. It responds to the novel. It fires hardest when your nervous system encounters something it hasn't fully mapped yet. Which means that flat, going-through-the-motions feeling isn't proof that desire is gone. It's proof that your brain stopped releasing dopamine because it already knows how this goes. Researchers at the State University of New York found that long-term couples who engaged in novel activities together reported significantly higher sexual desire for each other afterward. Same partner. New experience. More desire. And research from the Journal of Sexual Medicine confirms that sexual variety — not frequency — is the strongest predictor of sustained long-term desire. In this episode, Dr. Juls breaks down: Why your dopamine system requires novelty to keep firing — and what that means for your sex life right nowThe Polyvagal reason why new positions feel threatening instead of exciting (and how to change that)Why you cannot move your sacral chakra from contraction to aliveness through willpower aloneThe critical sequence: root chakra grounded → sacral chakra open → nervous system regulated → body curiousThe Pioneer — a two-part somatic practice that resources your nervous system and primes your body to receive novelty as pleasure instead of pressureThe women having the most alive, connected intimate lives after 50 are not trying harder. They are not performing more. They are not pretending. They are regulated. They are curious. They are women who understand that desire doesn't disappear — it just stops being fed. Novelty is the food. You were built for this. Your nervous system was designed for it. Your sacral center is hungry for it. And none of that has an expiration date. The only thing standing between you and desire that surprises you again is the map you've been following. It's time to draw a new one. 📖 My new book — Are We Gonna Have Sex or What? — is coming. The full nervous system map. The complete desire framework. The real stories of women who rebooted their intimate lives after 50 — and what it actually took. Get on the pre-order list now, email "list." They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    33 min

  2. APR 8

    Why Giving Head After 50 Should Feel Good for YOU, The Nervous System Truth Nobody's Talking About

    What if giving a b*****b could rewire your nervous system for more pleasure — for you? Not a performance. Not a favor. Not something you get through. An act of hunger. Aliveness. Reclamation. If you've ever felt like oral sex was something you did for your partner while silently checking out of your own body — this episode is the conversation you didn't know you needed. Here's what nobody tells you about desire after 50: It's not a hormone problem (but you need your hormones). It's a nervous system state problem. Research published in the Journal of Sex Research confirms that sexual satisfaction in midlife women is more strongly predicted by psychological safety and embodied presence than by hormone levels. And Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory explains exactly why — most women over 50 are showing up to intimacy from a threat state. Performing. Monitoring. Managing. That's not desire. That's duty. In this episode, Dr. Juls breaks down: Why the giver gets an oxytocin surge during oral sex — but only when she's in a state of genuine hunger (and how to get there)The dopamine/novelty connection and why approaching intimacy with beginner's mind relights your desire circuitryWhy Gottman's research on bids for connection completely reframes what oral sex actually is in a long-term relationshipThe energetic link between your throat chakra (Vishuddha) and your sacral chakra (Svadhisthana) — and why suppressed expression is secretly killing your libidoThe two-part somatic practice — The Roar and the River — that opens the throat-to-sacral circuit and brings your hunger back onlineYou were never broken. You were tamed. The women having the most connected, alive intimate experiences after 50 aren't the ones with the best technique. They're the ones who stayed in their bodies. Who stayed hungry. Who refused the slow cultural sedation that tells midlife women to need less and be grateful for whatever they get. That woman is still in you. She's not gone — she's just been waiting for permission. This episode is that permission. 📖 My new book — Are We Gonna Have Sex or What? — is coming. Everything I couldn't fit in a podcast episode. The full body reclamation. The nervous system map. The real stories. The framework that changes the way midlife women experience desire forever. Get on the pre-order list now - send email. Be one of the first to know when it drops. And send this episode to one woman in your life who needs to hear it. They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    23 min

  3. APR 1

    Lie Back and Receive: Why That's Actually the Hardest Thing for Women Over 50

    Your partner wants to go down on you. And instead of thinking "yes please" — you're composing a grocery list, critiquing your own body, and wondering if you've been taking too long. You are not alone. And there is a very specific reason this keeps happening. Receiving pleasure — real, focused, unhurried, all-about-you pleasure — is neurologically one of the hardest things a woman can do. Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory explains why: in order to truly receive, you need to be in ventral vagal safety — the rest-and-receive state. But most women trying to receive oral pleasure are actually running a sympathetic stress response. Heart rate up. Thoughts racing. Monitoring their partner's experience instead of having their own. Add in decades of conditioning that says pleasure is for giving, not having — and the body does what bodies do under threat. It shuts down. It checks out. It goes anywhere but here. Research from the Journal of Sex Research confirms it: women who self-monitor during sex are dramatically less likely to experience pleasure and orgasm. You cannot watch yourself from the outside and feel pleasure from the inside at the same time. In this episode, Dr. Juls breaks down the full picture — the nervous system science, the chakra psychology of the sacral and throat connection, and what the research actually says about what helps. You'll learn why your throat chakra has everything to do with your sex life, what embodied presence actually means in the body, and you'll walk away with one simple somatic strategy — the Receive and Breathe Practice — that you can use tonight. It's not heavy. It's not therapy. It's practical, a little spicy, and genuinely going to change how you think about your own pleasure. Press play. Your body has been waiting for this conversation. They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    20 min

  4. MAR 25

    Dead bedroom. If those two words hit you somewhere quiet, this episode is for you.

    In this episode of Sexy After 50, Dr. Juls breaks down the real reason desire disappears in long-term relationships — and it has nothing to do with how much you love your partner. The answer lives in your nervous system. Drawing on Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory, Dr. Juls explains how chronic familiarity can push the nervous system into dorsal vagal shutdown — a freeze state where the body goes flat and desire goes silent. Add in the neuroscience of Jaak Panksepp's SEEKING system (the brain circuit responsible for wanting, anticipation, and pursuit) and the picture becomes clear: when the scene never changes, the chemistry stops firing. Dr. Juls also explores this through the lens of chakra psychology — specifically the root chakra (safety, belonging) and the sacral chakra (sensuality, creative life force) — and why both energy centers are powerfully responsive to sensory environment. Changing the scene isn't a date night gimmick. It's an energetic reset. You'll also hear from Dr. Lori Brotto's research on context-dependent desire, a 2021 Frontiers in Psychology study on novelty and dopamine, and the HeartMath Institute's findings on heart coherence between partners. What you'll get in this episode: The neuroscience behind why long-term couples go numb (and why it's not your fault)A chakra psychology breakdown of what numbness is really blockingA word-for-word 3-part couples script to open desire-forward conversation — no pressure, no complaintThe Sensory Scene Scan: a somatic practice to move your nervous system from shutdown into presenceA mention of Dr. Juls' upcoming book, Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?Curiosity is the gateway. You don't have to feel desire first. You just have to be willing to wonder. They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    21 min

  5. MAR 18

    Three Things You Won’t Believe Are Killing Your Sex Drive (It’s Your Nervous System)

    Are you lying next to the man you love… and feeling absolutely nothing? No spark. No heat. No pull. Just static where desire used to live. What if the fastest way to feel turned on again isn’t a new pill, a new position, or a new partner but a completely different ZIP code for your nervous system? In this episode, I show you why midlife numbness isn’t a hormone failure. It’s a nervous system response. If you’re a woman over 50 who feels: Disconnected from your bodyFlat, numb, or sexually indifferentFrustrated that desire doesn’t just “show up” anymoreTired of being told it’s just menopauseThis will hit you in the best possible way. Because what you’re experiencing has a name. And it has a solution. I call it Sensory-Intimacy Freeze, when chronic stress pushes your nervous system into protective shutdown and takes your desire offline with it. You are not broken. Your body is protecting you. Now we teach it how to come back. What You’ll Walk Away With In this episode, I break down: The polyvagal science behind why desire shuts down in chronic stressWhy novelty activates dopamine and reawakens arousal circuitsHow root, sacral, and throat chakra integration mirrors modern neuroscienceA 3-step somatic practice to gently reboot your desireThe “Hotel Bar Reset” scenario that changes the context — and changes everythingThis is the kind of episode that makes women text their best friend at 11:00 p.m. and say, “You have to listen to this right now.” Because this explains exactly how I feel. The Truth About Midlife Desire Here’s what most people miss: When estrogen drops, your nervous system loses a natural stress buffer. Chronic overfunctioning + invisible labor + decades of responsibility = sympathetic overdrive. Desire cannot live in survival mode. Your nervous system needs: Safety (Root)Permission to feel (Sacral)Voice and expression (Throat)When those three come online together? Desire doesn’t get forced. It gets remembered. And the fastest way to interrupt numbness is environmental regulation. Change the scene. Change the cues. Change the story your nervous system is running. The “Hotel Bar” exercise I give you inside this episode is not about role play. It’s about context disruption — and it works almost embarrassingly well. Listen to this episode all the way through. Then share it with the woman in your life who needs to hear it. Because we are not meant to disappear. We are meant to burn. Now go make a reservation. They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    29 min

  6. MAR 11

    Are You Married…or Just Sharing a Bed? The 6-Second Intimacy Reset That Reignites Desire After 50

    Are you running your marriage like a business partnership instead of a love affair? Somewhere between the mortgage, the carpool, the aging parents, and the endless to-do list… you stopped being lovers. No drama. No crisis. Just a quiet distance. If you’re lying next to a man you’ve known for thirty years and wondering, How did we become roommates? This episode is your wake-up call. In this powerful conversation, I break down why high-functioning, capable women, especially women over 50, unknowingly promote themselves from Lover to COO of the household. You’re efficient. Responsible. Hyper-competent. And that efficiency is quietly suffocating desire. Drawing on the research of Esther Perel, John Gottman, and Stephen Porges, I walk you through: The critical difference between a Dead marriage and a Dormant marriageWhy contempt shuts down the nervous system, and why boredom means something is still aliveHow your Sacral Chakra (pleasure center) gets overridden by an overworked Solar Plexus (power center)Why desire is not a decision, it’s a nervous system stateIf you’ve been blaming hormones, aging, or “low libido,” this episode will shift everything. Here’s what you’ll gain by listening: Clarity: Is your relationship dead… or just dormant?Science-backed hope:  Why sadness means there’s still something to rebuild.Embodied strategy: The 2-minute Sacral Breath Reset that shifts you from task mode into connection.A simple ritual: The 6-Second Kiss backed by decades of Gottman research and oxytocin neuroscience.This isn’t about scheduling sex. It’s about rewiring your nervous system for safety, play, and desire. Six intentional seconds a day can: Lower cortisolIncrease oxytocinRebuild emotional safetyReignite attractionShift you from management to magnetismYour marriage may not be broken. It may simply be thirsty. If this episode explains exactly how you feel… If you’ve been craving heat, closeness, and real intimacy again… Press play now. Then share this episode with a woman who needs this message. People need to know this. And if you’re ready to go deeper into nervous-system-based desire and intimacy, make sure you’re on my list so you never miss a new episode of Sexy After 50™. Because desire after 50 isn’t gone. It’s waiting for safety. Six seconds at a time. They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    22 min

  7. MAR 4

    Low Libido After 50? Why Talking About Sex Is Making It Worse

    You’ve had all the conversations about sex. You’ve communicated your needs.You’ve processed your feelings.You’ve tried to “do it right.”And your body still feels numb. If you’re a high-achieving woman over 50 who communicates beautifully but secretly feels disconnected from desire, this episode will hit home. Because talking about sex doesn’t heal desire. Novelty does. Communication is top-down. Desire is bottom-up. Talking lives in the prefrontal cortex. Desire lives in the nervous system. When your body is in stress, override, or freeze, “We need to talk about sex” feels like evaluation — not intimacy. That’s why so many women over 50 say: “We communicate well… but our sex life is dead.” That’s not failure. That’s physiology. In this episode of Sexy After 50, I break down: The Communication FallacyThe Novelty–Dopamine ConnectionThe Embodied Reentry PathwayWhy Sacral activation must come before verbal processingYou’ll learn: Why insight doesn’t override shutdownWhy dopamine responds to novelty, not familiarityHow shared new experiences create safe activationWhy your nervous system needs sensation before conversationYou cannot talk your way into desire. You have to experience your way back into your body. If you’ve been thinking, “I love him… but my body doesn’t respond,” this explains exactly how you feel. Listen to the full episode. Choose one Novelty Interrupt this month — new, shared, safe, mildly activating. No analysis. No pressure. Just experience. Then share this episode with a woman who needs to stop trying to fix her libido with more words. You are not broken. Your body is asking for a different language. They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    15 min

  8. FEB 25

    Three Reasons a Strip Club Date is a Game Changer for Desire, Dopamine, and the Midlife Nervous System

    Have you ever felt more turned on watching someone else claim their sexuality than when your own partner touches you? My husband and I went to a strip club in Vegas—and what woke up in my body that night had nothing to do with technique. It had everything to do with my nervous system. If you’ve been blaming hormones, aging, or “low libido” for feeling dull, disconnected, or numb… this episode will challenge everything you think you know about desire after 50. In this episode of Sexy After 50, I explain: Why watching embodied sexuality can activate mirror neurons and increase arousal without direct touchThe “Voyeuristic Permission Paradox” and why obligation shuts down desire in long-term relationshipsHow novelty, dopamine, and co-regulated arousal reignite intimacyWhy your Solar Plexus chakra — not your ovaries — may be the key to erotic confidence after 50How safe, slightly transgressive shared experiences rebuild desireIf you’ve ever thought: “I love him… but my body doesn’t respond anymore.” “I feel bored, but I don’t want to blow up my marriage.” “I miss feeling alive in my own skin.” Stay with me. Desire after 50 is not a hormone problem first. It’s a nervous system pattern. When touch feels like expectation, your body codes it as work. When everything becomes predictable, dopamine flatlines. Research shows women’s bodies can respond strongly to embodied erotic performance—even without physical touch. Couples who share novel, mildly transgressive (but safe) experiences report higher sexual desire and relationship satisfaction. Novelty activates dopamine. Safety releases the brake. Co-regulation synchronizes arousal. That’s not shameful. That’s biology. In this episode, I guide you through: • The Solar Plexus Confidence Reclamation Practice • A simple Mirror Integration Ritual • My Quarterly Novelty Prescription for long-term couples • How to shift from performance to claiming your pleasure And if you’re realizing you’re not “low libido,” you’re under-stimulated and over-conditioned, my upcoming book: Are We Gonna Have Sex or What? The Midlife Guide to Feeling Sexy in Your Skin, Reigniting Desire, and Living Fully Alive After 50 is your next step toward feeling embodied and erotically alive again. Share this episode with a woman who needs permission to feel again. Because women over 50 are not done. We are just getting curious again. They told you the fire dies at 50. They lied. Reignite Your Fire and Desire is your 72-hour erotic reboot—where you'll unlock the arousal pathway buried in your nervous system, reclaim the raw hunger you were taught to suppress, and rewire your body to crave pleasure again. Not because you're broken. Because you're ready to burn. Get Reignite Your Fire and Desire Now Move from Invisible to Incredible. Dr. Juls | Sexy After 50 Podcast New episodes Wednesdays, 5am CST Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone, offering nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex, sexless marriage experiences, or years of feeling unwanted or ashamed.

    39 min
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About

Sexy After 50 is the podcast for women over 50 who are done pretending they don’t miss feeling turned on, confident, and alive in their bodies. If sex feels confusing, inconsistent, painful, or nonexistent…If your desire disappeared and no one explained why…If you’re tired of being told it’s “just hormones” or that this is “normal aging”… You’re in the right place. I’m Dr. Juls, licensed therapist, nervous-system specialist, and midlife expert—and this show is about waking up what never left. Each episode explores how intimacy, sex, pleasure, and desire after 50 are shaped not just by hormones, but by your nervous system, stress load, emotional labor, body confidence, and lived experience. We go beneath surface-level sex tips and into somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and nervous-system regulation so your body can feel safe enough to want again. This is for women navigating: • Low libido • Painful or disconnected sex • Sexless marriage or mismatched desire • Weight gain and body shame • Hormonal changes • Feeling invisible, unwanted, or alone Sexy After 50 shows you how to rebuild pleasure, emotional connection, intimacy, and confidence—without forcing yourself, fixing yourself, or faking desire. Because your fire never left. It went into protection. And we’re waking it up—gently, powerfully, and on your terms. If your body is saying, “Yes—this is what I’ve been needing to hear,”download the Desire & Fire Reset—a free nervous-system practice designed to bring intimacy and desire back from shutdown.  The link is in the show notes. Sexy After 50 is a podcast for women over 50 navigating intimacy struggles, low libido, hormonal changes, weight gain, and feeling disconnected or alone—using nervous system–based somatic healing, feminine energy reconnection, and sexual healing to restore pleasure, desire, emotional connection, and confidence after painful sex or sexless marriage.

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