The Healthy Voice Notes Podcast

Bella Payne

Healthy Voice Notes I'm Bella Payne, trauma-informed voice coach and founder of The Healthy Voice. These are my voice notes to you — unscripted reflections on voice, trauma, healing, and the work it takes to express yourself freely. If you've ever felt like your voice gets stuck, shaky, or silent when you need it most — you're in the right place. Subscribe and let's heal together. rawveganbella.substack.com

  1. You Were Groomed to Second Guess Yourself

    1d ago

    You Were Groomed to Second Guess Yourself

    This one has been sitting with me for a while. After seven months of coaching — six clients a week, hundreds of community interactions, thousands of YouTube comments — I started noticing a pattern. A lot of the people coming to me had not just one of these experiences. They had all three. A narcissistic family system. An abusive relationship. And at some point — a cult, or something very close to one. If that’s you, you already know there’s nothing to be ashamed of. And this episode is for you. I talk about what coercive control actually is — not physical violence, but the slower, more insidious manipulation that gets you to consent to things that go against your own interests. The afterlife as a fear tactic. The silent treatment as a tool. The moment I sat at a table with shaking hands eating salmon while someone I feared smiled across from me. I talk about cult psychology and why it mirrors narcissistic family systems almost exactly. About why people who grew up in controlling homes are more susceptible — not because they’re weak, but because they were trained. Trained to second guess themselves. Trained to ignore their intuition. Trained to use logic and pros and cons lists while their body was screaming the answer the whole time. I talk about my own experience with a Kundalini yoga studio that set my cult radar off from day one — and how I navigated it anyway with boundaries intact. And I talk about the book that changed how I understood intuition — Her Wits About Her — and why every woman in it said the same thing: something in my gut told me not to go there. Your intuition is your voice. And your physical voice is the fastest way back to it. 🎙️ Join The Healthy Voice Community → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page 📖 Voice Liberation Method → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 📬 Free Vocal Guide → https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide ✍️ Substack → www.thehealthyvoicewrites.com TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Exploring the Concept of Cults 09:48 The Psychology of Coercive Control 20:06 Personal Experiences with Coercive Control 30:09 Navigating Spiritual and Social Communities In this episode: * Why cult psychology mirrors narcissistic family systems and abusive relationships * What coercive control actually is — and how it works without physical violence * The afterlife as a fear tactic — and why it works * The silent treatment as a form of coercion * A personal story about sacrificing a core value to appease a controlling partner * Why people who grew up in abusive family systems are more vulnerable to cults * The decision paralysis and overthinking that comes from growing up in volatile homes * How to engage with spiritual communities without surrendering your sovereignty * The book Her Wits About Her and what every survivor said about intuition * How your physical voice is the fastest path back to your intuition The Healthy Voice Writes is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. cults and trauma | coercive control | narcissistic family system | why people join cults | cult psychology | trauma and decision making | intuition and trauma | voice and intuition | abusive relationships recovery | trauma informed voice | why your voice went silent | Bella Payne | healthy voice podcast | sovereignty and healing | gaslighting recovery Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    36 min

  2. May 30

    Words as Spells — And Why I Won’t Correct Yours

    Episode Description: I recorded this one directly in Substack — first time trying it, bear with me — and it turned into something I didn’t plan on. It started as a quick update. Two launches this week. A week where I had to cancel sessions and take care of myself. The first time since starting my channel that I didn’t post a YouTube video. And then it turned into a twenty-minute rabbit hole on the English language. Which, honestly, is exactly how my brain works. In this episode: The two launches: Vocal Recess is now available as a standalone purchase outside the community — seven weeks of play-based voice lessons including Romancing the Voice, Once Upon a Voice, a Shel Silverstein week, a punk rock week, and more. And THE FIFTH is now available as a standalone subscription for $5.99 a month, with four back issues included when you sign up. The Word Police article — and why correcting other people’s language, even with the best intentions, is a form of coercion. I’ve done it myself. I know how it lands. It doesn’t work, and it’s not as virtuous as it feels. The hidden history of English — and here I go deep. Queen Elizabeth I. Her court astrologer John Dee. The theory that English was designed to be the language of the angels — and possibly also designed to manipulate. The homophonic meanings hiding in plain sight: good morning as good mourning. The days of the week as the daze of the weak. Awake as a service for the dead. Raised, traced back to the antebellum South, meaning razed — burned to the ground to be rebuilt. I’ve been studying etymology obsessively for several years. I have a homophone dictionary. I spend time on Etymology Online following puns back to the Middle Ages. And what I keep finding is disturbing and fascinating in equal measure. The conclusion I’ve landed on: intention matters more than perfect pitch. Be discerning. Study your own language. But don’t stop someone mid-sentence to correct their vocabulary. That’s not wisdom. That’s exhausting for everyone, including you. Plus: Courage Circle update — ten people signed up to share their voices tomorrow. Which is exactly what this whole thing is for. Links mentioned: * Vocal Recess standalone — 7 weeks of play-based voice lessons: COMING SOON! * Subscribe to THE FIFTH — $5.99/month, 4 back issues included: https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/thefifthsub * Join The Healthy Voice Community: https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page * Voice Liberation Method ($97): https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 * Book a private session: https://calendly.com/hello-bellapayne/75 * Free Voice Guide: https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide * Get 5% off harmoniums, sitars, shruti boxes, and tanpuras. https://olddelhimusic.com/collections/harmonium Leave a comment: Are you someone who polices language — your own or other people’s? Have you ever noticed a word that disturbed you once you learned its history? I want to know. Subscribe and share if you made it to the end — it helps more people find their way here. Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    17 min
  3. Anger Is Shame's Bodyguard

    May 16

    Anger Is Shame's Bodyguard

    I recorded this one on a busy Friday in the middle of a family week — a college graduation, not enough hours, too many thoughts to let go. This week I put out a video on shame and the hips. The psoas muscle. The root and sacral chakras. And it went somewhere I didn’t expect — 54,000 views in 24 hours. Which told me something important: this is a topic people are starving to talk about and have never been given language for. I started this episode with a phrase I heard recently that stopped me cold. Anger is shame’s bodyguard. From there I went somewhere I wasn’t planning to go: the trolls. I’ve noticed something fascinating about the difference between the comment sections on my throat release videos versus the shame video. The throat videos brought out the perverts. Expected. Handled. No big deal. The shame video brought out something else entirely: rage. Profanity. The specific flavor of anger that belongs to someone whose shame just got poked — and who doesn’t know what to do with it except aim it outward. It was a live psychology study. And it told me exactly what I needed to know about who needs this work most — and why they’re the least likely to do it. In this episode: * What the psoas muscle has to do with shame — and why 54,000 people recognized it in their own bodies * The difference between the trolls who showed up on the throat videos versus the shame video — and what that difference reveals * Why talking about trauma and healing attracts both the courageous and the enraged * How shadow work changed the way I relate to ugly comments — and what would have happened to me three years ago if I’d seen them * Why pity, not attention, is the right response to the people who try to shame you for healing * And the lesson I keep learning: don’t sacrifice the work that’s helping hundreds of people to relieve the discomfort of the handful who are threatened by it Links mentioned: * Watch the shame and hips video: https://youtube.com/@thehealthyvoice * Join The Healthy Voice Community: https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page * Voice Liberation Method ($97): https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 * Book a private session: https://calendly.com/hello-bellapayne/75 * Free Voice Map Guide: https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide Subscribe and leave a review — it helps more people find their way here. The Healthy Voice Writes is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    18 min
  4. Words Are Spells — Whether You Believe It or Not

    May 5

    Words Are Spells — Whether You Believe It or Not

    Some of you already know this. You’ve known it for a long time. Words carry vibrations. The emotional history behind a word changes how it lands in the body — yours and everyone else’s. And the words we use every day, without thinking, without questioning, are doing something to us whether we’re paying attention or not. This episode started as a reflection on Magic Spells Week in the community — a week of affirmations written in the style of Harry Potter spells. One person on YouTube didn’t like it. Unfollowed. And instead of apologizing, I got curious about my own reaction. Because here’s what I actually believe: there is no difference between a magic spell and a positive affirmation. They both use the organized power of words to craft a vibration and put a thought into reality. The only difference is the word we use to describe them. And that’s exactly the point. We also go into the etymology of the word “raise” — and what I found when I looked it up. The emotional weight of a foreign language versus your mother tongue. The programming embedded in everyday speech. And why I believe that figuring out where the manipulation lies is part of every hero’s journey. Technique matters. Breath support matters. Nervous system regulation matters. But if you want to take it to the next level — if you want to actually start creating your life — you have to go to the words. Leave a comment and tell me — is there a word you’ve always felt uncomfortable with but couldn’t explain why? I’d love to know. 🎙️ Join The Healthy Voice Community → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page 📖 Voice Liberation Method → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 📬 Free Vocal Guide → https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide ✍️ Substack → www.thehealthyvoicewrites.com word magic and voice | power of words vibration | etymology and healing | language and trauma | affirmations vs spells | word frequency healing | trauma informed voice | esoteric history of language | voice and consciousness | healthy voice podcast | word magic substack | Bella Payne Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    18 min

  5. Apr 25

    Romancing Your Voice | How to Build a Daily Practice You Actually Want to Show Up For

    This one started with a week called Romancing the Voice inside the Healthy Voice Community — and it turned into something much bigger. Daily practice is hard for most people. But it’s especially hard when you’ve been through something that made you stop trusting your own voice. Because what you’re being asked to do is show up alone, in a quiet room, with no distractions — just you and the sound you make. And for a lot of people, that’s where the Silencer shows up. The Silencer is the conglomeration of every critical voice you’ve ever encountered — assembled into one internal bully that shows up the moment you try to use your voice with any kind of vulnerability. And if you’re on a healing path, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In this episode we talk about three things: The Silencer — what it is, where it comes from, and the surprisingly effective trick of giving it a caricature face and a ridiculous voice. Mine looks like Pennywise. I read YouTube comments in the voice of Kermit the Frog. You’ll find your own version. The point is to zoom out enough to laugh at it — because laughter is the great neutralizer. The Gentle Parent — the counter-voice. The one that says you’re doing a great job, I’m so proud of you for showing up. If you didn’t have a parent like that, this is where you build one inside yourself. Not a pushover — a voice that disciplines from love rather than fear. Romancing the Discipline — why I use the word romance instead of discipline. Because discipline, in American English, implies punishment. And punishment is rooted in fear. Romance is rooted in love. And when you’re in love with something — a book series, a restaurant, a person — nothing else has power over you. That’s the energy you want to bring to your daily practice. This episode is the Wizard of Oz as a voice healing metaphor. Dorothy. Glinda. The trickster trees throwing apples. The flying monkeys. And the yellow brick road you keep walking down anyway. Leave a comment — what part landed most? The Silencer, the gentle parent, or the romance of daily practice? 🎙️ Join The Healthy Voice Community → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page 📖 Voice Liberation Method → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 📅 Book a 1:1 Coaching Session → https://calendly.com/hello-bellapayne/75 📬 Free Vocal Guide → https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide ✍️ Substack → www.thehealthyvoicewrites.com Community prices go up May 1st. Lock in your rate now. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction to Holistic Voice Teaching 02:52 The Impact of Trauma on Voice 05:47 Daily Practice and Overcoming Fear 11:58 Transforming the Silencer Voice 17:46 Gentle Parenting and Self-Compassion 23:42 Romancing the Discipline of Practice 29:38 Building a Long-Term Relationship with Your Voice In this episode: * Why daily vocal practice is especially hard after trauma * What the Silencer is and where it comes from * The caricature technique — giving your fear a face, name and ridiculous voice * Why laughter is the most powerful neutralizer of fear * The gentle parent voice — how to build it internally if you didn’t have it modeled * Why I use “romance” instead of “discipline” * The Wizard of Oz as a voice healing metaphor * Romancing the Voice week inside the Healthy Voice Community * The 30-day practice challenge and what comes next daily vocal practice | the silencer voice | trauma and voice healing | gentle parenting yourself | romancing your practice | how to build a daily practice | voice and trauma | somatic healing | fear of singing | trauma informed voice coaching | voice liberation | internal critic healing | wizard of oz metaphor healing | Bella Payne | healthy voice podcast The Voice Liberation Method is a self-paced course for people who know their voice has been holding something back — and are ready to find out what. Seven weeks. Nervous system science. Classical technique. Chakras and Guided Visualization. Hero’s Journey. Trauma-informed somatic work. All in one place. This isn’t about sounding better. It’s about coming home to the voice that was always yours. → Get the VLM for $97: VoiceLiberationMethod.com The harmonium changed my practice. There’s something about the drone — it drops you into your body faster than almost anything else I know. I’ve had both of mine for years and I wouldn’t trade them. Old Delhi Music is where I got them. Colorado-based, independently owned, exceptional quality. → Use my link for 5% off your order https://bella-payne.kit.com/f76f7a876e Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    40 min
  6. When the Body Breaks Through | What's Happening in My Sessions This Month

    Apr 18

    When the Body Breaks Through | What's Happening in My Sessions This Month

    This one started as a content update and turned into something more personal. April’s theme in the Healthy Voice Community is My Body, My Voice — and I wanted to give you a behind-the-scenes look at what’s actually been happening since we started. Because something unexpected has been unfolding. In sessions. In my own body. In the middle of the night at 3am with a burning headache and no Advil in sight. I talk about the psoas muscle — the deep hip flexor that connects the spine to the legs and holds more emotional memory than most people realize. I talk about what it feels like to be a highly sensitive person living in a body that registers everything, and why most doctors don’t have answers for that. I talk about reverse phonation — a term I learned from a community member that turned out to describe something I’d been doing my whole life without knowing what to call it. And I talk about this week. A week where I had more clients cry in sessions than any week I can remember. Not because anything went wrong — because something finally broke through. That’s what happens when body awareness and voice work collide. The body has been waiting to be seen. And when you finally look — really look — it lets go. 🎙️ Join The Healthy Voice Community → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page 📖 Voice Liberation Method → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 📬 Free Vocal Guide → https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide ✍️ Substack → www.thehealthyvoicewrites.com 📬 Frequency Notes Newsletter → subscribe HERE. Community prices go up May 1st. Lock in your rate now. In this episode: * The psoas muscle and why it inspired the whole April theme * What it means to have a highly sensitive body — and why doctors don’t have answers * Reverse phonation — what it is and why it’s simpler than it sounds * What I noticed in my own body during the first week of the theme * A 3am headache and what happened when I took my own advice * Why I’ve had more clients cry this week than any week before * What’s coming up in the community — comedy week, Romancing the Voice, Anarchy in the Voice Box * Voice Liberation Method Part 2 — shadow work — and what’s coming psoas muscle and voice | body awareness voice work | my body my voice | trauma stored in the body | somatic voice coaching | highly sensitive person healing | chronic tension and headaches | reverse phonation | emotional breakthroughs in healing | voice and body connection | trauma informed voice | healthy voice community | voice liberation method | Bella Payne Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    19 min

  7. Apr 11

    Dignity Is a Skill — And Your Voice Is How You Practice It

    Dignity Is a Skill — And Your Voice Is How You Practice It How to find balanced power in your voice — stop going passive, stop going aggressive, and start holding yourself with dignity. 🎙️ Join The Healthy Voice Community → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page 📖 Voice Liberation Method → https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 📬 Free Vocal Guide → https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction to Power and Dignity 00:58 Understanding Power Styles: Aggressive vs. Passive 06:42 The Balance of Power: Dignity and Integrity 14:43 Finding Role Models of Dignity 18:10 The Importance of Dignity in Healing There are two ways most people respond to injustice. They go aggressive — fighting fire with fire, sharp tone, raised voice. Or they go passive — shrinking, going quiet, letting people walk all over them. Both are out of balance. Both are out of tune. This episode uses the language of music and chakras to talk about something I think about constantly — the third chakra, our power center, and what it means to hold yourself with dignity when the world around you is doing anything but. I talk about Martin Luther King and Gandhi — two of the clearest examples in history of dignified power in action. I talk about what it looks like in the body: the relaxed chest, the serene forehead, the calm that comes from knowing you're on the right side of natural law. And I share what I actually did during my own healing process when I was surrounded by people who got high on rage and slept just fine at night doing it. Dignity is not weakness. It is not passivity. It is the hardest and most powerful thing you can choose. And your voice is where you practice it. In this episode: The two imbalanced power styles and why both are out of tune The third chakra and the solar plexus as your power center What dignified power actually looks like in the body Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and the radical act of nonviolent power How to find and study role models of dignity Why your nervous system memorizes defensive patterns — and how to rewire them The connection between dignity, integrity, and natural law If this resonated — the Voice Liberation Method and the Healthy Voice Community are both built around exactly this kind of nervous system and voice work. Community prices go up May 1st. Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    21 min

  8. Apr 4

    What a Tone-Deaf Jimmy Buffett Fan Taught Me About the Voice

    I recorded this one on a walk through my neighborhood — city sounds, one busy street crossing, and a story I’ve been telling voice clients for years that I’ve never shared publicly until now. It starts in 2003. I had just quit my job at the women’s shelter and I was terrified. The only skill I had left was music. So I started teaching — guitar, voice, whatever I could — and one of my very first students was a middle-aged Florida lawyer who loved Jimmy Buffett, dreamed of playing beach bars on weekends, and had absolutely no sense of pitch. I mean none. And a year later, he was ready to perform. That student is the reason I kept teaching. And his story is the answer I give every time someone asks me: can you really teach anyone to sing? Yes. Here’s why I’m certain — and what the music industry doesn’t want you to know about who singing was actually meant for. In this episode: * The Florida parrot head who became my proof of concept * Why desire matters more than natural talent — and why discipline almost isn’t even the right word * What preschoolers can teach us about our relationship to music * The fourth grade audition that almost stopped me — and the clients whose stories are much worse * Why we treat vocal criticism differently from every other kind of rudeness — and why that needs to change * The history of singing: monks, Pope Gregory, and how industrialization convinced us that only certain voices are allowed * What’s coming in the community, VLM updates, and the feedback that’s been coming in from students who’ve finished the course Leave a comment: What messages did you receive growing up about your singing voice? And what do you think about this idea that some people just “have it” and others don’t? Links mentioned: * Join The Healthy Voice Community (prices going up in May — lock in your rate now): https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page * Voice Liberation Method ($97): https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page-1-e9c083 * Book a private session: https://calendly.com/hello-bellapayne/75 * Free Voice Map Guide: https://bella-payne.kit.com/freeguide Subscribe and leave a review — it helps more people find their way here. Get full access to The Healthy Voice Writes at rawveganbella.substack.com/subscribe

    17 min
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About

Healthy Voice Notes I'm Bella Payne, trauma-informed voice coach and founder of The Healthy Voice. These are my voice notes to you — unscripted reflections on voice, trauma, healing, and the work it takes to express yourself freely. If you've ever felt like your voice gets stuck, shaky, or silent when you need it most — you're in the right place. Subscribe and let's heal together. rawveganbella.substack.com

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