Inside The Consulting Room - Understanding the Child Behind the Behaviour

Kim Lee
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  • Mental Health

I am a Chid & Adolescent Psychotherapist. The podcast are educational and orientated towards parents. We cover a wide range of sometimes, tricky subjects, in the hope of reassuring parents that no matter how hard things may seem, there are things you can do. Thank you. Kim

  1. 12h ago

    Notice Me Before I Shout

    Send us Fan Mail Shouting rarely starts at shouting. We’re talking about the moment before the volume rises, when a child makes a small, easily missed bid for connection and learns, over time, that quiet communication doesn’t work at home. Kim Lee, child and adolescent psychotherapist, opens this series with a clear theme: children need to feel noticed in the minds of the adults who care for them, not only responded to when things get loud. We unpack a pattern many families recognize: a child asks, waits, asks again, interrupts, then escalates, and everyone ends up irritated. From the parent side, it can look like impatience or “making a fuss.” From the child side, it can feel like being forgotten until they force attention. Kim challenges the loaded phrase “attention seeking” and offers a more useful frame for parenting and child behavior: attention needing. That shift keeps curiosity alive, supports emotional regulation, and helps you set boundaries while still staying connected. You’ll also hear about being “held in mind,” why some children test whether an adult still remembers or notices them, and why the quiet, “easy” child can be just as in need of attention as the one who shouts. We close with practical tools you can use today: responding to smaller bids, making your return specific, and doing quick repairs when you forget. If you found this helpful, subscribe, share it with a parent who needs it, and leave a review with the one line you want to remember when the house gets loud.

  2. 1d ago

    Under The Radar

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  3. 2d ago

    Echoes

    Send us Fan Mail Echoes don’t need a room to bounce around in. Sometimes they live in your head, repeating the same doubt, the same regret, the same “I’m fine” that doesn’t quite hold up under pressure. We lean into that uncomfortable space where you can feel the past still active in the present, and we ask the questions that people usually avoid: how did I get so far behind, why did I leave so fast, and why do I say the things I do? From there, we land on something both relieving and brutal: the truth is simple, but it isn’t always easy to accept. We talk about rumination, the inner critic, and the difference between self-reflection and self-punishment. If you care about mental health, personal growth, and better communication in relationships, this is the kind of short listen that can follow you around all day in a good way. Then the lens widens. The echoes don’t only come from inside you, they come from other mouths too. We dig into social narrative, reputation, and what happens when other people tell a different story than the one you’ve been telling yourself. That’s where accountability gets real: you can’t control every version of you that exists out there, but you can choose how you respond. We close with a gut-punch image of self-sabotage: thinking you hold all the cards while stacking the deck against yourself. If any of this hits close to home, listen, share it with someone who’s been living with echoes, and leave a review. What’s the echo you’re ready to stop replaying?

  4. Sep 26

    When Panic Hits

    Send us Fan Mail Panic does not always announce itself with a clean storyline. Sometimes it hits like lightning, you do not know where to stand, your body shakes, your heart races, and your mind floods with faces that will not hold still. We start there, in the raw physiology of stress and trauma response, and stay honest about what it feels like when the ground shifts under you.  From that chaos, we follow the next instinctive move: watch, wait, keep your distance. We talk about silence as a survival strategy, boundaries as protection, and the discipline of refusing to feed the blame game. One of the sharpest moments is the vow to “never say the name” which captures what many people learn after toxic relationships, emotional manipulation, or public conflict: naming can sometimes tether you to the very thing you are trying to escape. We explore how distance can be an act of dignity, not avoidance, and how time can restore perspective when your nervous system is still on high alert.  Then the metaphor that lingers: the gift wrap looks impressive, assembled with pride, but when you open it there is nothing inside. We connect that image to empty promises, performative change, and relationships that lean on appearances instead of care. The closing arc turns toward emotional healing and recovery, where each day brings more clarity, the damage starts to repair, and truth enters quietly through consistent words and actions from someone who stays by your side.  If you have been rebuilding self trust, practicing boundaries, or trying to make sense of a hollow kind of “love,” this conversation is for you. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, leave a review, and tell us: what helped you get free?

  5. Sep 26

    So I Did

    Send us Fan Mail “How good is your sleep?” That question is the thread we pull until everything unravels: the polished surface, the rotten underside, the stories someone tells to stay off the hook. We go straight at the people who take and take, the promise makers who pay you back with another lie, and the exhausting pattern of blame-shifting that leaves you doubting what you know you saw. If you’ve ever felt your chest tighten at night because the truth won’t stay quiet, you’ll feel every line of this one.  We talk about what selective honesty looks like in real life, how control shows up as “truth” that only counts when it benefits the speaker, and why the room gets still while the memories get loud. This is a raw look at emotional manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics, and the moment you realize you’ve been living beside someone else’s sad life while your own self-worth disappears. The turning point isn’t dramatic, it’s decisive: getting up, turning your back, and refusing to be available for one more round.  We also sit with the aftermath: the clarity that arrives when the lights go out, the way accountability follows people who “live between the cracks,” and the freedom of letting them think what they think while you protect your peace. The takeaway is simple and hard-earned: you can do better, you deserve better, and you’re allowed to leave without permission.  If this hit home, subscribe for more, share the episode with someone who needs a clean boundary, and leave a review telling us what finally helped you choose better.

  6. Sep 18

    When Behaviour Speaks

    Send us Fan Mail A child rarely walks up and says, “I feel unsafe,” “I feel responsible for you,” or “I’m afraid you’ll leave.” More often, they show it and the message can look like defiance, aggression, anxiety, withdrawal, school refusal, sleep problems, or a sudden need to control everything. I’m Kim Lee, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, and this is the introduction to my series I Wish My Parents Would, built around one core idea: when words are too hard, behavior becomes the child’s voice. We start with the kinds of things children wish they could say to their parents: listen to me, notice me before I have to shout, stop calling me difficult, stop asking me to choose sides, love the child I actually am. I explain why kids go silent, how families can accidentally make certain truths “unwelcome,” and why what cannot be spoken still finds a way out through the body, play, relationships, and patterns that repeat. I also make something clear: children need boundaries and safety, but the most effective boundary comes with curiosity. Before asking “How do we stop this,” I want us to ask “What is this trying to tell us?” You’ll hear how meaning can emerge inside a steady, safe relationship, and why compliance is not the same as wellbeing when a child is simply hiding their distress. If you want practical insight into child behavior, emotional development, attachment, and what real listening looks like, come with me. Subscribe, share this with a parent or caregiver who needs it, and leave a review with the question you hope the series answers.

  7. Sep 18

    When Avoidance Must End

    Send us Fan Mail Silence can look like peace, but for a child living with an avoidant parent, it often lands as abandonment. We take on a tricky, necessary idea: avoidance has a story that deserves understanding, and it also has consequences that can’t be carried indefinitely by children or partners. I walk through the moment where “I’m just overwhelmed” has to become “I’m responsible for what my withdrawal does,” because leaving the room, going quiet, and letting someone else manage every hard emotion are still actions. We break down why shame is such a common trap in emotionally unavailable parenting. Healthy guilt supports repair; overwhelming shame collapses the conversation and pulls everyone into soothing the parent instead of protecting the child. From there, we get concrete about what change looks like in real families: returning to unfinished conversations, holding boundaries without retaliation, acknowledging kindness, and repeating these behaviors long enough for trust to form. Love isn’t the only question. The harder question is whether love stays emotionally accessible when a child is angry, frightened, disappointed, or simply needy. You’ll also hear how children respond when a parent finally shows up: the compliant child may start expressing anger for the first time, and the aggressive child may test limits to see if the parent will still remain. We talk about empathy with firm containment, when safety must come first, and why focusing only on the “problem child” can quietly reinforce the same old family system. If you care about attachment, family therapy, boundaries, and real repair after emotional avoidance, this conversation is for you. If it resonates, subscribe, share it with someone navigating avoidant parenting dynamics, and leave a review so more families can find the support they need.

  8. Sep 17

    How Many Absences Can A Family Hold

    Send us Fan Mail Something can be “fine” on the surface and still quietly break a family from the inside. I’m Kim Lee, a child and adolescent psychotherapist, and I’m widening the lens beyond the child to talk about the other parent the one who stays, tries, copes, and slowly becomes the relationship’s emotional manager when an avoidant parent repeatedly withdraws from emotional responsibility. We look at how this dynamic forms: the careful timing, the softened language, the constant scanning for signs of withdrawal, and the gradual decision to stop asking for what you need because it feels safer to do it all yourself. I talk about why this can be so confusing to explain to friends and family, how the damage often comes from what never happens, and why emotional labor without reciprocity can lead to anxiety, low mood, sleeplessness, exhaustion, and a deep loss of confidence. Then we bring children back into the center. I unpack how kids absorb these patterns, how they can get trapped between competing stories, and how the “available” parent can become an interpreter who protects the child while also shielding the avoidant adult from accountability. To offer a way through, I share a practical framework from my work and writing: recognition, reckoning, and recovery naming the pattern, counting the cost, and reclaiming the parts of you that disappeared. Real change, if it’s going to happen, has to show up in behavior, not just explanations. If this resonates, subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more parents can find support.

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I am a Chid & Adolescent Psychotherapist. The podcast are educational and orientated towards parents. We cover a wide range of sometimes, tricky subjects, in the hope of reassuring parents that no matter how hard things may seem, there are things you can do. Thank you. Kim

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