Cielo, The Savor Mama Podcast

Cielo Bradshaw
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  • Mental Health
  • Updated Biweekly

a gentle space for women, especially mothers and leaders, who want to live from wholeness, not survival. We explore pausing, emotional and spiritual care, and walking with God in real life without hustle, shame, or pressure to fix yourself. Each episode is a quiet reminder: you are not alone, and you are held. thesavormama.substack.com

  1. 6d ago

    Have You Carried Something Heavy That It Shaped How You See Yourself?

    Hi %%first_name%%, I’m writing this on a rainy day in the Blue Ridge Mountains. The girls are on the couch watching The Lion King, and I’m recovering from a sinus infection I caught from my husband, who works at the hospital. I thought I would be fine by day three, but the joke was on me, lol. My body said, “Not yet,” and God said, “REST!” Apparently, recovering from a sinus infection without antibiotics can take 7–10 days. Even the girls caught it. Here’s what I’ve noticed: the old me would have pushed through and felt like a burden for being sick. That’s the people-pleaser in me, the part that learned long ago that her needs were a bother. Let’s pause for a moment and take one long, deep breath or a few more if you need them. Picture this: You’re sick on the couch, and someone asks, “Do you need anything?” You say, “No, I’m fine,” even though part of you wants to admit, “No, I’m not fine.” Then the self-criticism begins: “Why can’t I just tell the truth?” Another voice answers, “Because you don’t want to bother them.” In today’s video, I share the introduction to my book, Shame to Shalom: Grieving to Be Filled. You may be wondering how this story connects to the book. For me, people-pleasing became a survival response in childhood. As I moved into adulthood, especially motherhood, I struggled with depression and anxiety. Over time, I recognized that people-pleasing was one of my coping behaviors and that it was connected to shame I had carried for years. Here’s what I’m learning as I become more aware of the shame I’ve carried: * You don’t have to stay stuck there. You can choose to heal with Jesus. * You can give yourself time and compassion as you process the shame connected to past trauma. * You can develop healthier emotional and mental habits by setting boundaries, communicating openly, and continuing to grow. If you see yourself in any part of this story, please know that you’re not alone and healing is possible. If you know a friend, sister, or a loved one who needs this encouragement,nt please: This week, here's what's happening: On Tuesday, I’m sharing the story of the night I ran away as a girl and ended up alone on the noisy streets of Manila. What have you been running from for so long that you forgot it became your normal? [Tuesday Link Here] On Thursday, I’ll talk about fear and why it isn’t always the enemy. I also want to ask you: Is fear still driving your life? [Thursday Link Here] Save this one, %%first_name%%, so the Tuesday and Thursday posts are just one tap away. If it’s your first time here or a friend forwarded this to you, subscribe so you don’t miss the rest of the week. Walking with you on this healing journey, Cielo, The Savor Mama This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

    Have You Carried Something Heavy That It Shaped How You See Yourself?

  2. Sep 20

    The Holiday Weight You Don't Have to Carry

    %%first_name%%, Is there something about this coming holiday season that you already feel anxious about, or that you know you are no longer willing to carry? If that question made your shoulder tighten, you are in the right place. Watch the video first, then come back here, because this is the part I did not get to say. If it’s your first time here, I’m Cielo. Some of you know me as The Savor Mama. I’m a wife, a homeschooling mama of three girls, and a former nurse who could name every symptom in a patient but not a single feeling in her own heart. I write about caring for your soul while you are busy caring for everyone else, as someone still walking this road. This fall, I am walking it out here on Substack, one tool at a time, before the calendar fills up. I have mentioned a family comment and the tightness I carried in my body for years while pretending I was fine. Here is what I have learned in my healing journey: It is okay to reflect on, assess, and process a memory you haven’t truly healed from, especially if it’s connected to a past holiday season. Let me share a quote that spoke to me: It is important to look at the past. As the great American philosopher George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” But that does not mean we should view the past with unforgiveness or bitterness in our hearts. —Professor Washington A.J. Okumu We can ask ourselves: What emotions came up when this memory surfaced? What happened there, and what did it cost me? Let yourself feel it. That is not living in the past; it is taking responsibility for your healing so it stops running your present. Some of us were taught to get over our past without being shown how. We were just supposed to move along and not feel. Some of us grew up in homes where we did not talk about our feelings. Everything stayed within the family, and we did not dare question the way things were, or else it would cause a commotion. And if you showed any emotion, you were probably called too emotional or sensitive. %%first_name%%, you are not too emotional or sensitive. Your emotions are part of how you were made, and I am sorry you didn’t get the tools to feel and process them in a healthy way. I am sorry you have carried so much over the years, and I want you to know that you do not have to stay where you are. You can learn about your emotions, recognize them as signals, listen to their message, and not be led by them. In a few days, I’m sharing a practice that helped me become more attuned to my emotions. You can click here to read it. Now, your turn, %%first_name%% What is one thing you already know you do not have capacity for this year? The one you feel in your body when you picture it? Reply to this email or leave a comment. We are just getting started. With love, Cielo, The Savor Mama Savor' Her is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

    The Holiday Weight You Don't Have to Carry

  3. Sep 13

    It’s Okay to Ask For Help, Mama.

    %%first_name%%, Do you have a hard time asking for help? Did you ever feel like a burden, or feel like you don’t want to be a burden? As an eldest daughter, wife, and mother, I have been there. I carried it for years, and at the age of thirty, I had no choice but to face the truth: I needed help. September is Suicide Prevention Month. I rarely talk about this, and I want to move with care because what I shared here is not easy to hear and bear. This could also be a trigger. If you are not feeling safe and need help, call or text 988. Then come back. This post will still be here. I share this because I have also struggled with thoughts of suicide. It was not because I did not love my life; it was because I believed the lie that no one cared and that it would be easier if I were gone. If you have struggled with this too, please know you are not alone, and help is available. If it feels safe for you, let's pray: In the name of Jesus, I renounce and rebuke the lie that no one cares and that it is easier to be gone. We put that lie to the death of the cross and ask for resurrection life. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. %%first_name%%, this is a heavy topic for me, and to be honest, I had to build courage to be here and speak about it. I still remember the time I became aware of the wound I had carried for years, and when I finally faced it, I did not know where to go for safe support. Some people who were supposed to comfort me did not have the tools or skills to provide comfort, safety, and affirmation because of generational patterns. I will share more about this later future posts. This is why I wrote A Walk With Papa; the video above shows me reading the intro and Chapter 1. Under my voice, you will see the Blue Ridge Mountains, travels, the moment I received the paperback copy, and the moment I shared it with my daughter. I wrote A Walk With Papa: One Step At A Time while I was living in an RV with my family in Jellystone Park, Natural Bridge, VA. Small space, three girls, and creative ways to find my me time. Cruising in a golf cart, checking out the James River, ponds, trails, and early mornings while the girls were asleep after Peter went to work. And two years ago this season, the mountains were turning rose gold, and we were moving to a mountain home. I was blessed to work with Dr. Karen Lomax, an author and publisher, who helped me through every page; she was my book midwife. Life did not pause, but I did; I was still healing and being coached while I was estranged from my parents. A few months later, I would lose a friendship that mattered deeply to me. I was sharing my healing story as another story unfolded. I grew up in a Filipino Catholic culture where you do not talk about these things. There was a lot of toxic positivity, comparison, and nowhere to process your soul wounds safely. And there were power dynamics; my grandfather was a politician. A lot of people normalized what should never have been normal, so for years I questioned myself, but I knew there had to be a better way than acting like everything was ok. There was this whisper, and I believe the Holy Spirit was encouraging me that there is a better way. Like Pastor Dharius Daniels would say, there is a “third way,” a kingdom way. It took years, and I testify to you today: Healing is possible. You do not have to stay stuck in what your family did or in what you have always known. Dr. Henry Cloud says it this way, and I will do my best to paraphrase it: “To do something different and become someone different, you have to be exposed to something different.” Healing does not just fall into our laps, but it is possible with support, care, and safe people. So at age 30, I went to therapy for the first time and asked for help: therapy for wounds, a coach and pastor for patterns, and a healing retreat to grieve what I could not name. I am still maintaining my healing and growing while I am a wife and a mother. I have learned not to wait until a crisis to have a plan. Through all these changes, one thing remains the same: Papa, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Because of this journey, I am able to receive peace that surpasses understanding from my Heavenly Father, who is also Jehovah Jireh (Provider), Jehovah Shalom (Peace), and Jehovah Rapha (Healer). He also heals the wounds people rarely see. That is what emotional wounds can be: wounds no one sees physically unless we learn to pay attention to behaviors and patterns, like the times we are tired, anxious, irritated by small things, or without language for what we feel. Here is my goal with this letter: I want to help make it normal to ask for help, especially if you have been through something like abuse. Not brave. Not rare. To normalize asking for help because you did not have the tools, and that’s okay, mama. As I was writing this, I asked, “How do I do this, Lord?” And I felt Him say, “Pray.” Papa, I bring %%first_name%% to You right now. You see her. You know the weight she is carrying and the thoughts she has not said out loud. In the name of Jesus and by His blood, we renounce and rebuke the spirit of depression. We renounce the lie that says she is alone and the only one. We renounce the lie that says she is a burden. Holy Spirit, fill her with Your peace. Remind her that You never left. Give her the courage to say one true sentence to one safe person today. Amen. Now the practical part, because prayer and resources go together. I am a former nurse and a daughter of God. We do both. * You need help right now: Call or text 988. Any time, any day. Free and confidential. * When you are ready to start counseling: Freedom Support Services. This is where I go: https://www.myfreedomss.com/ * When you want to go deeper and continue your healing, Healing the Heart Retreat is something I recommend. * When you need a companion for your healing walk. A Walk with Papa is not a fix. It walks you through awareness, one step at a time, with reflection questions at the end of every chapter. It shows you that He is not afraid of your emotions. He welcomes all of them. Jesus felt them too. If you need a guide for the road, that is why I wrote it. %%first_name%%, there is help. There are people. There is a number. There is a counselor. There is a retreat. And there is a Papa God who never left. Your life matters. Your voice matters. You have a gift. Do not let your pain define who you are. You are the gift. Your healing matters, and it's a legacy you can pay forward. In October, I am sharing something I wish I had before getting married and having kids. It is called A Shower for Your Soul. My hope is that it gives you a different way to see healing as soul care for a better change. To change your life, you have to look at your inner life. Find the beliefs and lies that have been running it. And let Him wash them out. More on that Oct 4. To get on the waitlist, go here: https://cielothesavormama.systeme.io/main Please remember that you can ask for help and receive healing. Healing is your unique journey; let today be the day. If Jesus can do it for me, He can do it for you. With love and hope, Cielo, The Savor Mama This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

    It’s Okay to Ask For Help, Mama.

  4. Sep 6

    Your Labor is not in Vain!

    Tomorrow is Labor Day, I keep thinking about how many women have been laboring. Not only with a paycheck. Not only with a title. The kind that not anyone claps for. Labor Day started long ago because people were working so hard, and no one was counting their labor. So they marched. And I have been thinking, mama. There is still a labor nobody sees. No one throws a party, celebration, or a parade for the 2 a.m. feeding. Nobody gives a raise for work rarely seen: the organization, the chores, the meal prep, and keeping the house running. Nobody hands out an award for holding a crying child while your own heart is tired. At a baby shower, everybody showers the baby, but rarely do they shower the mom. I know this labor. I live it and I'm still in it, doing the best I can. I am a homeschooling mama building a small business from the overflow of my healing. And I can tell you, some of the hardest work I have ever done was work no one saw. I remember holding my baby and being told, do not forget my career. As if the baby in my arms was not work and a calling. I remember being told to take care of my body and lose weight, so my husband would not leave me. I took those words in. I did not process them. I did not even know why they hurt so much. I just carried them. For a long time I believed the lie under those words. That being a full-time mama at home meant I was nothing and it was not enough! I had to wrestle with that. I had to redefine what labor means. And I could not do it by looking at the world. I had to look at Papa God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Here is what I found. My worth was never in my output. Not in a career, not in a clean house, not in a smaller body. My worth comes from being a daughter first. The work flows out of that. Not the other way around. Psalm 23 says, He makes me lie down in green pastures. Makes. Not suggests. Because Love does that. And my friend lets us look closely at the calendar, September is here. The next four months are coming fast. Fall. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Gatherings. To-do lists. The pressure to make it all special and memorable for our children, to the point that we forget to take care of ourselves and our sanity. I have been there, and it’s been a practice to set boundaries. Where I grew up in the Philippines, we did not have fall or Thanksgiving, so we went straight to Christmas. I bet the decorations are already going up there right now. And I love that. Every Filipino loves Christmas. But when I sit with those memories, not everything that comes up is pretty. Holidays have a way of doing that. Everybody gets a little more triggered. People project their stress. Old wounds sit down at the dinner table. I wish someone had told me this in my early years of marriage and motherhood. People get triggered. People project. And you can get so caught up keeping up with every event that you lose your peace. Making memories is worth a lot, but it is not worth losing your peace. I wish I had tools. Simple ways to check in with my own soul. Words for my feelings. Permission to say no without feeling bad. Because here is the truth I learned the hard way. Some of the people who hurt us were supposed to love us. They were supposed to meet our needs. But they had unmet needs of their own. Hurt was passed down like a family recipe nobody wanted. I lived through abuse. I carried it quietly for years. And I used to believe my healing had to come from the very people who hurt me. That they owed it to me. A pastor taught me something that changed my life. I cannot put my healing on the people that hurt me. People are going to be people. You cannot change them. But mama, you can change you. That is why my books were born. Pursuing Perfect Love. A Walk with Papa. Shame to Shalom. Because I knew I was not the only one who never learned how to care for her inner world alongside Jesus. My life is not fancy… This week it looked like one pan of salsa and chicken curry in my kitchen. I do not love cooking every single day. But I keep finding the gift hidden inside it. It looked like putting seeds in the dirt while we wait for our chickens. New things growing slowly at times. Nothing to show yet. Just faith in the ground. That is what savoring is. Not loving every task. Finding Papa, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in the ordinary ones. And it all starts with a pause. Slowing down. Asking your soul a real question. Letting your feelings be messengers instead of stuffing them down. Even the ones we call negative. They carry information. They tell us what we need. And I have something to share and want to invite you. I am putting something together for you. A soul care companion for the holiday season. Made from the tools I wish someone had handed me years ago that can help me stay present, connected, confident, and at peace with myself, and take autonomy over my life. It’s called A Shower for your Soul. You can join the waitlist here. It is not ready yet. I am building it slowly, the same way I am asking you to live slowly. When it is ready, you will be the first to know here. For now, I will just leave you with this question. Sit with it. There is no right answer I am waiting for. What work do you do that no one sees, and what have you believed it says about you? Hit reply and tell me. I read every one. With love, Cielo, The Savor Mama P.S. Recipes are here :) This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

    Your Labor is not in Vain!

  5. Aug 30

    Dwelling in the Mountains

    Hi, Friend. If you are new here, welcome. Pull up a chair. This is the first episode of Cielo, The Savor Mama podcast, a weekly preview of highlights from our everyday life in the Blue Ridge Mountains. The video is above. What follows is the part I could not fit in a voiceover. The transition I thought settling would feel like relief. It does at times, and at the same time there is anxiety and feeling overwhelmed by committing and changing. When you stop moving, everything you carried while you were moving finally catches up to you. The grief for the land we bought in 2022 and let go last year. The other losses that came with it. The overwhelm and the anxiety that did not leave when we moved in. They are still showing up. They just do not hold me in prison anymore. What the reflection turned into Sitting on the porch this week, I made some decisions about how I want to show up and care for myself in this new season. Not a plan. Decisions. Here they are, plainly. * Slow down first. I will end the day with the sunset, on purpose, even when the kitchen is not clean. * Do one thing with my hands. Bread, one corner of the house, one recipe. Not everything. One. * Tend the feeling with Papa. When annoyance, sadness, and other emotions show up, I will ask what they are trying to say before deciding what to do with them. * Ask for help. Therapy, my life coach, safe friends. Healing requires vulnerability, awareness, and relationship. I am not doing this alone. * Let the “not yet” be a “not yet”. Some chickens have to wait. Some dreams too. That is not a no. My marriage life coach reminded me during our last session that autonomy is freedom and a practice. Choosing beliefs that give you life so you can live your day instead of being run by it. That is what these five are. Practice. What to look forward to in September September is when the girls and I settle into our homeschool rhythm, the garden gets started, and the chickens finally come home (I hope, lol). It will be a month of new adjustments, so I am checking my capacity first, the way my mentor taught me to assess my energy zones. That is soul care too. I have decided to practice less is more this season. One video and one written piece a week, right here on Substack, and I will see where it goes from there. I do not know where it will take me, but I am taking a chance and following. That is autonomy in practice, choosing the rhythm instead of being run by it. Along the way, I will share a few books and resources that have shaped my soul care, a little each week, the way I actually learned them. So follow along, Friend, and let us see where this new adventure with God goes. Books and resources that help me For now, a short list. The ones on my nightstand right now. * The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd. My current read, grateful for a friend sharing this with me. * Denise Boggs, Healing the Heart Retreat and Healing From Unmet Needs * A therapist from Freedom Support Services, and marriage and life coaches from The Healing Project * Books opened the door. People walked me through it. Why the SAVOR practice was born All that learning was good; at the same time, I needed to apply it in my everyday life, from the kitchen, making meals, responding to my girls and husband, and taking care of myself. So I made one. SAVOR is Stillness, Awareness, Voice, Order, Rest. Get still, even for thirty seconds. Notice the feeling. Give it a voice to Papa and to a safe person. Put it back in order; the feeling gets a voice but not a vote. Then rest. It is how I feel the feeling without being led by it, and let who God is lead me instead. If you want a companion for the journey I wrote three books where I share my journey and this practice. They go in order. Start where you are. * Pursuing Perfect Love. Unlearning what we were taught about love. * A Walk with Papa. Meeting God in feelings. * Shame to Shalom. Grief, shame, and going deeper. Before you go I would love to hear from you. What is one thing you are settling into this season, and what feeling is showing up with it? Tell me in the comments. With love, Cielo, The Savor Mama This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

    Dwelling in the Mountains

  6. Aug 23

    A Love Story: Flat Tire & a Lie about Motherhood

    The Grand Canyon, White Sands, and RV travels on the road with my husband and my girls are definitely my highlight reels. RV living is thrilling and exciting. However, that is just part of the story; there were unpretty ones too, like grief, sadness, anger, and frustration, and they rarely get into the video. Just like anyone, people, places, smells, and experiences can trigger my family and me. Let me take you inside the fifth wheel on one of those nights. Girls and hubby are asleep, and I find myself in tears on the couch in our main living area. Writing, praying, and tears running down my face, because that same season held loss. I am living a dream, but it has also cost me estrangement from my family. I was grieving an abuse I experienced that I kept for years, and people who are still alive, who were unable to comfort and support me through the process. I was carrying a family, a book, an online business, and a heart that was mourning because I was becoming aware of the wounds I had kept for years, and I finally had the time and space to grieve them; the unmet emotional need went unmet. That is usually the part the highlight reel never shows, because I was not in a place to share it yet. Beauty and grief are riding in the same RV. Today I wanted to go deeper into why I wrote Pursuing Perfect Love, and I hope it encourages you to know that you are not alone. Savoring Life is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Listen to Introduction & Week One Here: Pursuing Perfect Love Introduction Week One: God Vs The World Repeated Patterns I finally saw. There was a recurring pattern in my life. Failed friendships, relationships, and failures. I admit it’s easy to point fingers and blame, yet I know I have some contribution, and that my perspective is clouded by the pain I experience. I thought that to be loved, I needed to perform, achieve, and fit in. I made myself so useful and busy, so I am worth keeping. When I felt afraid of losing someone, I learned to be a people pleaser. I said yes when my whole body wants to yell no! I water myself down and shrink so others can stay comfortable. When I feel overwhelmed, I keep busy. Busyness was my hiding place… how about you? And when I have needs, longing for love and belonging, I romanticize and look in the wrong places and for people who cannot give it to me, because most people are unable to give what they do not have. These were my coping mechanisms. They are not evil, but they definitely do not give life. They were ways to survive in my childhood. It worked until it did not anymore. Getting help to name the patterns. In my early years of motherhood, I knew I needed help. I was dissociating and in denial of my experience. I was battling depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. With Jesus help, He took me on a journey of understanding what happened to me, he guided me to people to help me name by pattern. No wonder they say, "Name it to tame it. I had to be aware of my patterns and my actions. It was the start of investing in therapy, coaching, and studying the Word of God (the best vitamins and medicine ever!) This is why I wrote Pursuing Perfect Love, not because I am an expert or fully healed, but because writing helped me look at my own patterns on paper and ask Where did this come from? Whose voice taught me that love has to be earned? What can I do to change? Self-awareness is part of leadership and stewardship. You cannot surrender to God what you refuse to look at, and as a mother, I can not give what I do not have. God’s Word & Worship Music as nourishment. During that season on the road, God’s word and worship music held me together. I can see that we are in a generation exposed to a vast range of Worship music. I am so excited and amazed to hear worship music in R&B and hip-hop because I grew up in a Catholic church, and, with respect, as I remember it, I felt like I was in a slumber, trying so hard to stay awake. So I made the choice to leave the Catholic practice and got baptized at the Elevation Church Pop-Up in Arizona. More details are in Chapter 10 of Pursuing Perfect Love to learn about the whole story. There were nights in the RV where pressing play on my Pursuing Perfect Love Spotify playlist was the way I prayed when I had no words. Letting someone else's faith sing over me to be encouraged. There were mornings when the Word was not a quiet time with a pretty journal; most of the time, I was crying and listening to God’s promises even though I did not see it yet. Some of my favorites are: * John 10:10 NIV “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” * Psalm 34:18 NIV “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” * Isaiah 61:3 NIV “and provide for those who grieve in Zion- bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” All bible verses are from Bible App I did not just read those verses; I held on to them, spoke them, believed them, and I am still holding on to them every day. What my husband lovingly reminded me. During one of our date nights, Peter looked at me and said, “It is through pain that the beautiful stories come.” He is right, and he is affirming what God said through the Apostle Paul’s words, “ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 NIV. The cost of that season was real. The grief and loss were real, and so is God's comfort and presence. Why I share my story. I share my story because it’s part of my calling and purpose. God wired me to be a sharer from a young age. I wrote it to glorify God, to point you back to Him, the true and real source of Love that most of us are looking for, which has always been available, but because of our wounds, we became unaware and blinded. Jesus saved me, someone who carried shame, guilt, and was lost. He kept loving me while I was asleep to His love, while I was performing, people-pleasing, hiding, and chasing wrong things. His love, his grace, and His truth have always been offered, just waiting for me to change and receive. This is the whole point of Pursuing Perfect Love book. So here is what I want to leave with you today: If He can do it for me, He can definitely do it for you! Yes, you! Even in the beautiful mess you are in from a failed relationship, the busyness of motherhood, chores that never end, an identity that feels blurry, the grief you haven't named yet, and even in the pattern you are just starting to see. You do not have to be perfect or have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to choose to receive Him. Invitation & Prayer. If this article post stirs something in you, the whole book is waiting. You can go here to purchase your copy: https://cielothesavormama.systeme.io/pursuingperfectlove Let’s pray: Papa God, thank you that you give beauty for ashes. I pray for the woman, the mother, your daughter, who is reading this in the middle of her beautiful mess. Give her eyes to see one pattern this week and grace to name without shame. Remind and comfort her that you loved her before she was awake to it, and you love her still. Please hold her the way worship music held me, closely and steady. Remind her that she is loved, seen, and heard. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Thank you for watching, listening, and reading. Savoring Life with you, Cielo Thanks for reading Savoring Life! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

    A Love Story: Flat Tire & a Lie about Motherhood

  7. Aug 9

    Quarantine!!

    Standing at the stove, stirring pinakbet slowly, I see my girls pinching their noses, and my 8-year-old said, “Quarantine!” Then here's what came up for me: “Should I feel offended?” I just laughed it off because, for me, this smells like home lol, and because of her actions, I became aware of something I had been carrying quietly for a long time. Savoring Life is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Before I go deep, I want to share the Pinakbet recipe here: There is a word I want to give you: diaspora. It’s when people are scattered away from the place they came from. Living somewhere that isn’t the homeland while carrying homeland inside you. If you were born in one country and raising your children in another, you know this without needing a word; however, it's good to name things. It tells you the ache so you can tame it and know you are not the only one who feels it. There are not many Filipinos where I live. So I cook, watch content about the Philippines from YouTube videos and reels in my breaks. I watch tita’s dance, do karaoke, or a vlogger's experience in a province, or a cooking series of Filipino recipes. That is how I reach back and stay connected to a part of myself that has no one here to mirror back at me. One of the reasons I'm grateful for the internet. And here in the mountains, something unexpected happened. The pace of life. The sound of nature when I walk. Farms and neighbors know your name, and it's a small community where things move slowly. It’s different, and it resonates. We are putting roots down here. I am very grateful for this land, this life, these girls. And still there is a deep longing to go back to the Philippines. This is the part of wellness we rarely talk about. We talk about anxiety, boundaries and rest, but there is another layer of our makeup: culture, homeland, the place that gives us belonging and joy. And for those of us living in between, that could feel uncomfortable and bring up mixed emotions. You are not fully there anymore, and you also stand out in the country because of what you look like. Here’s what I have learned to help me process, and it’s simple. I give myself space whenever those feelings come up. I am aware and acknowledge, not to fix it, not to talk myself out of it, with gratitude. I welcome the grief and longing, and I let them sit down at the table, and hope comes and sits too, reminding me that I will get to see the place and share it with my husband and my girls. Grief and Gratitude are not enemies; they are messengers, and they can both be at the table. Now the harder part: Some of the deepest pain in my story came from people who share my culture, and that’s a complicated thing to say out loud. Because how do you grieve a culture and heal from it at the same time? How do you hold beauty and the wound in the same hands? I wrote about this in Chapter 3 of Shame to Shalom. Because here is what I have come to realize: my culture is a gift and not my full identity. My identity is God’s daughter; that comes first! Being Filipino is somehing Papa created me with on purpose, the language, the food, the way we love loud feeding everyone who walks through the door and thats not something to heal from, its something to receive. The wounds can be healed, and if you let God heal them, the wounds can be a purpose. I don’t know your culture. I don’t know where you were born or what you left behind or what you are still carrying from it. But if you live in that in-between place too, I want you to know there is room for both. Both cultures. Both grief and gratitude. And if you are going through the same thing and want a companion, I invite you to grab my book Shame to Shalom to remind you that you are not alone with your grief. Go here: https://cielothesavormama.systeme.io/shametoshalombook And if you are in the in-between, tell me… where you are from? I love to hear your memorable experiences and what you miss about the country you were born in. Till next time. I will talk to you next week. With Love, Cielo🌻The Savor Mama This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

  8. Jul 26

    The Pause We Rarely Talked About

    Hi friend. Do you remember when the world paused without notice? I don’t know if you remember. In 2020, everything stopped. The schools, the churches, the hugs, the funerals. The world went quiet in a way none of us had ever experienced. And we were all sent home to sit inside that silence whether we were ready or not. And here is what I noticed six years later: that we rarely talked about it. You know, we talked about getting back to normal. We talked about emotional intelligence and self-care like they were trends that we discovered. But we rarely say the true thing out loud. That season of COVID really affected all of us in different ways. The isolation, the fear that kept us from coming together, the grief we weren’t allowed to gather for. Most of us were walking around as if it had not happened to us while our bodies and hearts still remember. So let me go first… I’m posting this on a day that changed my life and my family’s life. But first, let me tell you the story. In the first few months of 2020, before any of us knew what was coming, I lost my Tito Dinky, my uncle. A man I really, really loved and respected, who would always ask me what I like to eat. And next thing you know, he has the dish prepared for you. If you are Filipino, you know what I’m talking about. I saw him after his heart surgery. Wires woven in and out of his body, isolated in that hospital bed. He didn’t make it. I was still holding that image and that grief when the world shut its doors. Then COVID came to my family, living the pandemic on two fronts. I came from a family of registered nurses. So is my husband. My mother got affected, my in-laws and other family members, and it also affected my children and me in our home. When everyone was asked who would go into the COVID rooms, my husband went. He walked in and cared for a patient when the rest of the world was told to stay apart. He was one of the people who saw with his own eyes how COVID tore through families and patients, and then he would come home carrying all of it. I remember being separated inside our home because he was tested positive and because he didn’t want to bring COVID to our children and me. Same roof, same family And still isolated from each other. That’s a kind of loneliness I didn’t have words for then. Then in 2021, I got pregnant. And then I got COVID. I ended up in the hospital. Pregnant and sick. In a season when everyone is afraid to even come near a COVID patient. It took us three times in an ER room to get admitted. And I understand the fear now. It made sense. But I also saw with my own eyes how fear can hurt people. I remember struggling just to get to the bedside commode. And I remember a nurse named Carmen who fought for me. She reminded me to fight back. She told me she would see me walking out of there. When fear kept everyone at a distance, Carmen came close. And I will never forget her. She was a brave one to keep me going. Then my nurse practitioner really saw me. She looked at me and she knew I could not remember her. So she called my husband and said, “We need an emergency C-section right now!.” That same day, when she saw me. What happened next felt like a scene from Grey’s Anatomy. I was lifted into a helicopter. I was wheeled into an operating room. I heard a whole team of doctors greeting each other, ready to save a pregnant woman and her baby. And I was lying there thinking, “Is this really my life right now? “ Let me pause here…. because this is where I saw the hand of God. Years before this happened, when I was in a nursing program doing clinicals, I stood in a surgery room and watched a live C-section. I could not look away. It’s just appalling to me. And I remember thinking, I never want to have a C-section. Here we are a decade later. I was on the same table. But God had let me see that room before I ever needed it. He was preparing me before I knew what I would face. And here is the part that still undoes me. When I got COVID, two months before it happened, before COVID happened to me and my baby, I got baptized. And this boy came up to me reminding me that God is with me. And he’s like saying, I am with you. I was what you before, I’m with you now, and I will be with you in that room. My baby and I made it alive. She’s turning five years old today. But I remember reading articles about a pregnant nurse who did not make it. Women and men like me, the ones my husband cared for. Do I carry survivor remorse? I probably do. Yet, I’m grateful for all the prayers my family and I receive. lAnd it was that weight, the grief, the fear, the questions that took me deep, deep enough to finally ask, what are all these emotions about? You see, at the age of 30 years old, in the middle of the isolation, in the era when everything went digital, I sat across a screen and discovered something I had been carrying in my whole life. Trauma. I was blind. Not only physical trauma, emotional trauma, wounds you cannot see that shape everything you feel, the way you react, the way you love, and the way you live. This is the beginning of a journey I want to walk with you. The story behind the books and why each one was pivotal in the healing journey that I’m sharing with you. When I wrote Pursuing Perfect Love, we were in the middle of another kind of letting go, moving from a 2,000 square foot home into a fifth wheel. But that’s the next story. I will bring you there soon. For now, I want to leave you with this. Not a call to action. Just a question to sit with. Now that you have listened to my message, your own memories of that season are probably resurfacing. The ones you felt, the ones you watch people around you carry. I wonder, and I want to ask you, what did you do with those emotions? Did you process them with safe people? Did you name them? Or did you bury them in baggage because you didn’t know what to do with them? Or you have beliefs about Emotions that you’re not supposed to feel them or you’re supposed to just hide them away and move on and go on with your life? I just want to let you know that you are not alone. And it was something that I had to learn for the last five years and still going, still learning. And here’s what I want to say. Share with you. Emotions can become one of two things. Even though they’re part of our soul, we have a power to make a choice. We can choose to let it be a baggage we keep coping around, cycle after cycle, or it become a doorway to freedom. But by using the way it was made for. It’s a messenger, indicator, alarm system. Because if we don’t process the pain, it will not disappear. It goes underground and grows there. I remember a pastor saying, feelings buried alive never dies. But you see, the pain and the feelings we bring into the light with Papa God, that becomes the very soil where healing takes root. So, the world paused without our permission in 2020. Yet, pausing with Papa God is different. That’s not something that happens to you. It is a choice. And it’s a practice. A daily returning to stillness where he can speak these words. Be still and know that I am God. Psalm chapter 46 verse 10. And that stillness is not the world’s version of stillness. I wish I could tell you it’s candle and quiet room, but it’s not. It’s a God who’s with you even if there is chaos around you. Just like what I’m sharing with you. It’s a stillness of knowing the presence of God is with us everywhere, anywhere, anytime. Doing His work even if we can’t see it. Because that’s who He is. He is God and we are human beings. I share this for the ones who remember, for the ones who still processing, still healing, still learning, that our emotions aren’t the enemy, they are a doorway. If that’s you, I want you to know you are not alone. Healing is not a one-time moment. It’s a process. It’s a lifestyle. Emotions aren’t something to fix. There is something to feel and name with Papa God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and the people that you feel safe with right beside you. So stay close, my friend. There’s more coming. And I have a gift for you to begin. It’s called Savor Pause. Make sure to click the link below and make sure to let me know How it went. And I’ll talk to you soon. This is Cielo, The Savor Mama. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thesavormama.substack.com/subscribe

    The Pause We Rarely Talked About
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a gentle space for women, especially mothers and leaders, who want to live from wholeness, not survival. We explore pausing, emotional and spiritual care, and walking with God in real life without hustle, shame, or pressure to fix yourself. Each episode is a quiet reminder: you are not alone, and you are held. thesavormama.substack.com

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