The Living Loss | Navigating Invisible Grief & Identity

Daiana Bernard, LMHC & Cassandra Harris-Towner, LMHC
  • 5.0 (10)
  • Mental Health

Welcome to The Living Loss Podcast! Hosted by Licensed Mental Health Counselors Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris-Towner, this podcast shines a light on navigating invisible grief and major life transitions. What happens when you are grieving something other than a physical death? We focus on non-death grief and the profound, often unacknowledged losses we all face, the fading of a dream, a difficult medical diagnosis, or the loss of a former identity. These hidden experiences deeply impact our mental health and relationships, yet they are constantly minimized by the outside world. Through insightful solo episodes and diverse guest interviews, we validate these lived experiences and offer tangible tools to help you move toward healing. We are building a community where no loss is too "small" or too "wild" to talk about. It’s time to acknowledge the weight of what you're carrying and rediscover your purpose through shared values and genuine connection. 🎙️ Bonus Spanglish Episodes Every so often, look out for our special bonus episodes in Spanglish! In these conversations, we dive into the unique intersections of grief, life transitions, and the first- and second-generation experience. Navigating multiple cultures, shifting family dynamics, and breaking cycles brings its own layered, unspoken losses, and these episodes offer a validating space to unpack those complex dynamics together. Connect With Us Your stories and questions are the heartbeat of this show, they help us all feel a little more seen. We’d love to hear how these conversations are landing with you. Do you have an invisible grief story to share, a question about today’s topic, or a weekly "Glimmer" that’s bringing you joy? 💌 Reach out to us: hello@livinglosspodcast.com By sharing your heart, you’re helping us grow this community and reach others who desperately need to know their grief is valid. We are so honored to be on this journey with you. We read every single email and can’t wait to connect. (Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.)

  1. 4d ago

    The Grief of an Unlived Life: Family Estrangement & Conditional Love  2|11

    We’ve all made choices based on external pressures, but what happens when you realize that prescribed identity was never really yours? In this episode of The Living Loss Podcast, we unpack the complicated grief of mourning an unlived life and the "missing years." We dive into the painful reality of family estrangement, the realization that some love comes with strict conditions, and the profound, eventual relief of finally letting go. Whether you are navigating a major identity shift in mid-life, mourning estranged relationships, or building a new "chosen family," this conversation validates the quiet grief of releasing who you thought you were supposed to be. We also discuss the science behind why creating new rituals—from burning letters to simply standing barefoot in the grass—helps signal safety to your nervous system during times of ambiguous loss. In this episode, we cover: Mourning a prescribed identity and the heavy "if I knew then what I know now" mindset Navigating family estrangement and the silent pain of conditional love The balloon metaphor: Why fighting to hold on often causes more damage than letting go How to embrace chosen families and reclaim painful holiday traditions Why your brain needs rituals to process ambiguous, quiet grief Living Loss Lesson: Fill in the blank: “To honor this version of myself that I had to let go of, I am going to ________.” Connect & Resources Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions) Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter!  https://substack.com/@thelivinglosspodcast Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us  Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com  healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

  2. Oct 22

    Why You Feel Lost After Doing "Everything Right" | Identity Foreclosure & Ambiguous Loss 2|10

    Have you ever reached a destination everyone told you to aim for, only to look around and realize you were completely absent from your own life? This week on The Living Loss Podcast, we are pulling a thread from our recent sit-down with Amy Kelly to unpack the heavy weight of the "checklist life." Cassandra and I dive into what developmental psychologists call identity foreclosure—the act of taking on roles handed down by culture or family without ever questioning if they actually fit us. We play a revealing game of "Keep, Toss, or Repack," exploring why constant availability shouldn't equal productivity, how to repackage perfectionism into discernment, and why being an adult with a screen-free hobby is the ultimate grounder. Finally, we explore the ambiguous loss that accompanies major career pivots and how to untangle your self-worth from your resume. What We Explore in This Episode: What "identity foreclosure" means and why so many of us fall into it during our 20s. The "Keep, Toss, or Repack" Game: Shedding the expectation of constant availability and the pressure to say "yes" to everything. Understanding the ambiguous loss of leaving a career or changing roles. Living Loss Lesson: An actionable challenge to answer "How have you been?" without mentioning your job title, credentials, or productivity. If this conversation reminded you of someone navigating a major life transition, please share it with them. And don't forget to hit subscribe so we can reach our goal of 500 subscribers on YouTube and get these conversations to the people who need them most! Connect & Resources Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions) Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter!  https://substack.com/@thelivinglosspodcast Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us  Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com  healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

  3. Oct 15

    Shedding Past Versions of Yourself & Finding Home with Amy Kelly 2|09

    n this episode of The Living Loss Podcast, licensed mental health counselors Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris-Towner sit down with Reinvention Coach Amy Kelly to unpack the profound, quiet grief of shedding past versions of ourselves. Amy opens up about walking away from a conventional marriage and path in her late twenties, taking a one-way flight to Central America, navigating a near-death experience in Costa Rica, and how unacknowledged survival mode and societal expectations mask deep identity loss. Tune in as we discuss stepping away from the pressure to perform, navigating major life pivots, and learning how to come home to yourself when your entire life undergoes a 360-degree shift. Key Timestamps00:02 — Welcome & Introduction: Unpacking the quiet losses that don't come with a funeral. 02:09 — Meet Amy Kelly: From a conventional UK lifestyle to a one-way flight and profound reinvention. 05:15 — The Hidden Grief of Leaving a Marriage and Societal Expectations. 13:30 — The Near-Death Experience: How pushing past your limits forces a reckoning. 21:30 — Moving from Fear-Based Survival to Self-Acceptance. 28:00 — Living Loss Lessons: Practical grounding practices for navigating major life pivots. Connect & Resources Amy Kelly Instagram: @amykellycoach_  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amykellycoach/  Free 5 Day Nervous System Guide https://amykellycoach.myflodesk.com/resetguide Living Loss Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions) Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter!  https://substack.com/@thelivinglosspodcast Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us  Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com  healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

  4. Oct 8

    Changing Your Life & Starting Over: Therapy vs. Coaching 2|08

    What happens when you are the one who initiates a massive life pivot? Whether you walked away from a long-term relationship, left a stable career, or chose to step into an entirely new chapter, society often expects you to feel completely empowered and liberated. The reality? Chosen losses come with a deep, quiet grief and a whole lot of guilt. In this episode, licensed mental health counselors Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris-Towner break down the disorienting emotional void of shedding a familiar identity. They explore the biological shock of leaving "predictable" discomfort, how intentional gratitude calms a dysregulated nervous system without bypassing pain, and how to build a healing team that actually meets your current needs. Quick Self-Assessment: What Kind of Support Do You Need? Note: This is a self-reflection tool, not an exhaustive checklist. One path isn't "better" than the other, it's about matching the right professional support to where you are right now. We'll have more support in our bi-monthly Sunday newsletter! You likely need Therapy to start if: "My grief or anxiety is actively interfering with my daily life, I am struggling to sleep, eat, or work.""I am trying to process unresolved childhood trauma, emotional abuse, or a clinical mental health condition.""I need a legally protected, safe space to understand the root cause of my pain without the pressure to 'fix it' immediately."You likely need Coaching if: "I am functioning okay day-to-day, but I feel stagnant and want an action plan to pivot my career or identity.""I generally understand my past and triggers, but I need strict accountability and practical tools to build my future.""I want to focus on present-day mindset and daily nervous system regulation."It’s rarely an either/or. You can lean on a therapist for deep, foundational healing and collaborate with a coach to execute actionable steps forward. Connect & Resources Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions) Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter!  https://substack.com/@thelivinglosspodcast Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us  Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com  healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

  5. Oct 1

    Identity Shifts, Core Beliefs & Navigating Life Transitions 2|07

    Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, "I don't even know who I am anymore?" As we move through different decades of our lives, from the carefree exploration of our twenties to the hustle of our thirties and the shifting priorities of our forties, we inevitably outgrow past versions of ourselves. In this episode of The Living Loss Podcast, licensed mental health counselors Daiana and Cassandra unpack the quiet, complex grief of shedding old identities. What We Explore in This Episode: Decade by Decade: How our values, boundaries, and priorities shift from our 20s to our 40s and beyond, and why valuing sleep and time becomes a hard-earned reward.Salient Identities: How different versions of ourselves come forward depending on our environment, the people we are with, and even the languages we speak.Core Beliefs & Identity: A breakdown of the psychological schemas that organize our world, and the profound grief of mourning who we used to be under old "rules."Relational Grief: The pain of outgrowing friendships and navigating relationships with people who refuse to update their mental file of who you are today.Parenthood & Identity Loss: Daiana shares her personal experience with the loss of self that often accompanies motherhood and the pressure to hustle through it.At the end of the episode, Daiana and Cassandra leave you with three questions to help you take inventory of your own evolving identity: What is a core belief that you held in your twenties that you have completely outgrown, and have you allowed yourself to grieve the comfort it used to bring you?If you stripped away your job title, relationship status, and your family roles, who are you at your core?What past version of yourself do you need to gently say goodbye to so that your current self has room to breathe?00:00 Introduction to the episode and its focus on identity and grief 02:18 The concept of salient identities and how they shift 04:22 The role of values and beliefs in shaping identity 08:11 The influence of life stages and aging on self-perception 22:55 Understanding grief as a process of change and renewal 27:24 The impact of societal expectations and relationships 42:37 Reflections on aging, purpose, and self-acceptance 56:44 Living Lost Lessons: Embracing change and self-awareness Connect & Resources Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions) Keep in touch,https://substack.com/@thelivinglosspodcast Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us  Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com  healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

  6. Sep 24

    Living with the Hidden Grief of Starting Over with Andy Ellwood 2|06

    Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris Towner, both licensed mental health counselors, talk with Andy Ellwood about quiet grief, identity shifts, and what it looks like to rebuild after multiple losses at once. Andy shares how religious expectations, friendship loss, divorce, miscarriage, career upheaval, and later becoming a father all reshaped his sense of self. In this episode, Andy explains how he moved from living for external approval to building a life grounded in curiosity, authenticity, and real community. He also offers a practical lesson on slowing down, sharpening your axe, and treating rest as part of the work. Timestamps 00:00 - Welcome to Living Loss and the theme of hidden grief   01:18 - Andy’s story and the collapse of his old identity   02:43 - Growing up in an insular church culture   05:29 - Moving to London and questioning inherited beliefs   07:57 - The public reaction to moving in together   09:45 - Why the backlash validated what had already changed   15:45 - Moving to New York City and finding his pace   19:32 - Building startups and the first big professional wins   20:45 - Marriage, home, pregnancy, and the life he thought he wanted   21:38 - Miscarriage, divorce, and losing startup funding   23:25 - Rebuilding after the house of cards collapsed   28:29 - The rebound relationship and another hard reset   33:25 - Meeting Maddie and the three-year wait for a first date   35:30 - Choosing to show up as fully Andy   41:33 - Becoming a father and losing his mother in the same year   44:16 - Resilience, presence, and a 1,000% success rate   50:53 - The lumberjack story and sharpening the axe   57:04 - Closing reflections on rest, grace, and timing   Connect with Andy Ellwood  https://stretchgroceries.com/, https://www.andyellwood.com/, https://www.tiktok.com/@theandyellwood,  Connect & Resources Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions) Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter!  https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us  Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

  7. Sep 17

    Identity Shifts & Secondary Loss: Making Space for Every Part of Your Grief 2|05

    Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris-Towner open with a candid conversation before moving into the heart of the episode: how cumulative grief, secondary loss, identity loss, and estrangement can pile up when life falls apart. They also prepare listeners for an upcoming interview with Andy Ellwood, whose story illustrates these themes in a deeply personal way. In this episode, they connect clinical language to lived experience, explore how faith, community, and therapy can all be both helpful and complicated, and end with reflection questions designed to help listeners make meaning from their own losses.00:00— Welcome to The Living Loss Podcast and the quiet griefs the show explores 00:26— Estrangement grief, secondary loss, and ambiguous loss 05:00— Why therapists also need therapy and how vicarious grief appears 06:21— Being on the client side and grieving without immediate relief. 07:48— When therapy feels emotionally taxing but remains helpful 12:40— How faith and community can make it harder to ask for help 18:22— The grief frameworks behind Andy’s story 19:53— What ecosystem estrangement means 27:20— Cumulative grief and secondary loss as a domino effect 28:23— Miscarriage, divorce, home loss, and career collapse as layered losses 33:23— Identity shifts, grief, and joy happening together 34:25— DBT, dialectics, and moving from either/or to both/and thinking 40:47— Living Loss Lessons and reflection questionsLiving Loss Lessons: Three journaling prompts to help you reflect on your own quiet losses. Sit with these questions, write them down, or email your thoughts to the show: Have you ever had to step away from a community, belief system, or relationship in order to be true to yourself?When your own house of cards fell apart, what parts of your identity did you choose not to pick back up?When have you had to hold profound joy and deep grief at the same exact time?Connect & Resources IG: @thelivinglosspodcast  Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries, Collaborations & story submissions) Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter!  https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us: Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

  8. Sep 10

    Unexpected Change & Hidden Grief: How to Find New Meaning 2|04

    When life goes completely off script, how do you navigate the avalanche of multi-layered sorrow? In this episode, Daiana and Cassandra reflect on their powerful conversation with Kristy Halverson (Episode 3). They break down the reality of cumulative grief, the crushing weight of ambiguous loss during her mother's 14-year terminal cancer journey, and the beautiful freedom found in letting go of societal expectations. The co-hosts explore the concept of "coddiwompling", moving purposefully toward an unknown destination and how embracing the illusion of control can actually bring deep peace. Key Takeaways The Bell Curve of Grief: Understanding how sorrow compounds sequentially when dealing with multiple devastating life events at once. Purposeful Uncertainty: How trading external security for internal freedom allows you to follow the "tickles of your soul" and trust your intuition. The Illusion of Control: Why surrendering our grip on how things should go often reveals life's "perfect unfolding." The Power of the Pause: Using micro-moments of mindfulness to quiet the noise and reconnect with your internal compass. Listener Reflection Questions Grab a journal or ponder on these questions: Think about a major loss. What were the invisible or secondary losses attached to it? Where in your life are you burning the midnight oil when the healthiest choice might actually be to surrender? Resources Mentioned Listen to our full interview with Kristy Halverson: Season 2, Episode 3 The Perfect Unfolding* by Kristy Halverson Connect With Us Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. If this conversation reminded you of someone who needs to hear that their grief is valid, please share it with them. Connect & Resources Instagram: @thelivinglosspodcast Email: hello@livinglosspodcast.com (Guest inquiries & story submissions) Keep in touch, Sign up for our newsletter!  https://thelivinglossnondeathgriefmentalhealth.riverside.com/newsletter Support the Show: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and share it with a friend! Work With Us  Daiana Bernard, LMHC: MeaningfulTherapyFL.com | healing@meaningfultherapyfl.com (In-person Riverview, FL & FL Telehealth)  Cassandra Harris-Towner: Cassandra@firststridezcounseling.com (In-person Ocala, FL & FL Telehealth) Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for clinical care. Guest opinions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the hosts or The Living Loss Podcast.

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About

Welcome to The Living Loss Podcast! Hosted by Licensed Mental Health Counselors Daiana Bernard and Cassandra Harris-Towner, this podcast shines a light on navigating invisible grief and major life transitions. What happens when you are grieving something other than a physical death? We focus on non-death grief and the profound, often unacknowledged losses we all face, the fading of a dream, a difficult medical diagnosis, or the loss of a former identity. These hidden experiences deeply impact our mental health and relationships, yet they are constantly minimized by the outside world. Through insightful solo episodes and diverse guest interviews, we validate these lived experiences and offer tangible tools to help you move toward healing. We are building a community where no loss is too "small" or too "wild" to talk about. It’s time to acknowledge the weight of what you're carrying and rediscover your purpose through shared values and genuine connection. 🎙️ Bonus Spanglish Episodes Every so often, look out for our special bonus episodes in Spanglish! In these conversations, we dive into the unique intersections of grief, life transitions, and the first- and second-generation experience. Navigating multiple cultures, shifting family dynamics, and breaking cycles brings its own layered, unspoken losses, and these episodes offer a validating space to unpack those complex dynamics together. Connect With Us Your stories and questions are the heartbeat of this show, they help us all feel a little more seen. We’d love to hear how these conversations are landing with you. Do you have an invisible grief story to share, a question about today’s topic, or a weekly "Glimmer" that’s bringing you joy? 💌 Reach out to us: hello@livinglosspodcast.com By sharing your heart, you’re helping us grow this community and reach others who desperately need to know their grief is valid. We are so honored to be on this journey with you. We read every single email and can’t wait to connect. (Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.)

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