Self Led Love with Bahia Miller

Bahia Miller
  • 5.0 (9)
  • Relationships

Using the transformative lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Self Led Love is an exploration of how our inner parts shape the way we love, communicate, and grow in partnership. Each episode invites listeners to deepen self-awareness, take radical responsibility, and cultivate more authentic, connected relationships.

  1. Jun 2

    The Art of Inviting Your Partner to Explore IFS with You

    Have you fallen in love with Internal Family Systems and desperately wish your partner would too? Maybe you've experienced more self-awareness, more compassion, and more spaciousness inside yourself through IFS—and naturally want to share that gift with the person you love most. But instead of enthusiasm, you're met with skepticism, defensiveness, or a complete lack of interest. In this episode, I explore the delicate dance of introducing IFS into your relationship without creating more polarization. Rather than focusing on how to convince your partner, we'll explore how to embody the work yourself, understand the parts that are invested in your partner changing, and make clear, compassionate invitations that leave room for choice. If you've ever found yourself wishing your partner would "just do the work," this conversation is for you.  In This Episode You'll Learn:  Why "attraction rather than promotion" is often the most effective way to share IFS  How your own embodiment of Self-energy influences your partner more than any explanation ever could  The hidden agendas that can sneak into our desire for a partner's growth  How to use a "parts detector" to create more compassion and curiosity in your relationship  A powerful question to ask yourself when your partner's parts are activated  How to make a clear invitation instead of a vague request  Why your partner's resistance may have less to do with IFS and more to do with how it's being presented  The importance of honoring your partner's timeline and autonomyAnd as promised in the episode – here is the structure (inspired by the work of Alison Armstrong) for making a powerful ask: 1. Start with Appreciation 2. Share What You're Wanting 3. Be Specific About What It Would Look Like 4. Share What It Would Provide for You 5. Ask What They Would Need to Say Yes 6. Explore a Way to Make It Reciprocal Make sure to listen to the episode for a more in-depth explanation of how to use this framework! Enjoy.  ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    19 min

  2. May 19

    Grief, Shame & the Parts That Protect Us – with Tara Minshall

    What if the criticism, conflict, shutdown, overthinking, or emotional reactivity in your relationship is actually protecting something much deeper? In this powerful episode of Self Led Love, Bahia sits down with IFS practitioner and grief recovery specialist Tara Minshall for a raw and deeply moving conversation about grief, shame, protectors, attachment wounds, and emotional healing in relationships. Together, they explore:  how unresolved grief shapes our relationships  why protectors work so hard to avoid emotional pain  the connection between shame and grief  nervous system responses in partnership  rupture & repair  emotional honesty and self-leadership  the hidden cost of swallowing our truth Tara vulnerably shares about her “dragon” and “shark” protector parts, grief beneath criticism and overfunctioning, and how grief recovery work transformed her marriage, parenting, and inner world. This episode is for anyone who has ever wondered:  Why do I react so strongly in conflict?  Why do I shut down or attack when I feel unseen?  Why does intimacy feel so activating?  Why do old wounds keep showing up in love? In This Episode:  Internal Family Systems (IFS) & grief work  Protectors, shame, and emotional triggers  The “critic” and “figure it out” parts  Grief beneath relationship conflict  Speaking FOR parts instead of FROM parts  Emotional completeness & nervous system safety  Repairing relationships without self-abandonment  Learning to stay connected during activation Memorable Quotes “It’s not freedom FROM grief. It’s freedom WITH grief.” “The moment you stop speaking your truth, your authentic self leaves the relationship.” “Protectors believe if they can quiet the agony of grief, then that’s nourishment. But it’s not.”____________________ Get in touch with Tara: website : https://wholeheartedjourneysllc.com/ Grief Recovery Method: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/tara-minshall Mustard Seed of Hope: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554820315645 ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    1h 1m

  3. May 5

    From Power Struggles to Connection: Parenting and Attachment with IFS + The Neufeld Approach

    What if the key to raising emotionally healthy, resilient kids isn’t controlling behavior—but deepening connection? In this episode of Self-Led Love, Bahia Miller is joined by parent coach and IFS practitioner Lisa Winer to explore a powerful blend of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the Neufeld relational developmental approach. Together, they unpack how attachment, emotional safety, and understanding your own “parts” transform the way you parent—and partner. You’ll learn why behavior is never the real problem, how to work with your reactive parts, and what your child actually needs to thrive. This is especially powerful for parents navigating toddlers, big emotions, screen time, and different parenting styles in relationships. ✨ Inside this episode:  Why attachment—not behavior—is the foundation of development  How to work with the part of you that “loses it”  What “counterwill” is (and why your kid resists)  A nuanced take on screen time + emotional health Why play (even aggressive play) supports development  Navigating different parenting styles in partnershipThis episode will shift how you see your child—and yourself. Whether you’re parenting a toddler, teen, or your own inner child, this is a must-listen. 🎧 Tune in to lead your family from Self. Connect with Lisa Winer:  Website: https://www.lisaweiner.coach/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisaweiner.parentcoach Neufeld Institute: https://www.neufeldinstitute.org/Resources: Hold On to Your Kids – Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Maté If this resonated, share it with a parent who needs this reminder: connection comes first 💛 ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    1h 4m

  4. Apr 21

    Parts, Patterns and the Sacred Mess: Reflections from IFS Level 3 Training

    SELF LED LOVE episode 13 - Reflections from IFS Level 3 Training After completing the highest level of IFS training available directly from the IFS Institute, Bahia shares what's alive in her after a week of deep immersion — and what she's bringing back to her work with clients and couples. In this episode: - The round table visualization — Rather than asking parts to step back, a practice of inviting every part of the system into the circle. Managers, firefighters, exiles — all welcomed, all belonging. - Cultural legacy burdens — How do systemic forces like capitalism, patriarchy, and racism live in our parts? And how does that show up in partnerships where two people are reckoning with those burdens on different timelines? - Neurodiversity & the organized self — Bahia opens up about her own journey as a highly sensitive person and holds space for those wondering what neurodivergence means for their relationships and sense of self. - Grief as sacred frequency — Coming full circle to where her IFS journey began, Bahia reflects on grief not as a part to fix, but as a shared, human experience that deserves witnessing, containment, and community. - Spirituality in the model — A gentle exploration of what it means to connect with life itself — and an open invitation if that's a conversation you want to have. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    28 min

  5. Apr 7

    Why you keep having the same fight over and over (and how to stop it)

    Do you and your partner keep having the same fight on repeat — different topic, same exhausting pattern? In this episode of Self-Led Love, host and certified IFS practitioner Bahia Miller breaks down exactly why couples get stuck in these cycles and offers a three-step framework for finally shifting them. Bahia walks you through the difference between the content of a conflict (what you're fighting about) and the process (how your protective parts are showing up) — and why the process is almost always what keeps you looping. She also shares a vulnerable, real-time example from her own marriage to bring this framework to life. In this episode: Why "same fight, different day" is actually a portal for growthHow to become a curious scientist of your relationship patternsContent vs. process: the layer most couples missHow protective parts and exiles drive recurring conflictA real example from Bahia's own relationship (and what she's learning from it)How to move from reactive to collaborative — and even playfulThe three-step process for dismantling recurring cyclesKeywords: relationship patterns, IFS couples, internal family systems relationships, recurring arguments, conscious relationship, couples communication, protective parts, self-led love, relationship growth, emotional responsibility, Bahia Miller podcast 👉 Grab the Self-Led Love Checklist below to identify your work, your partner's work, and your shared responsibility in the relationship. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    22 min

  6. Mar 24

    Self Led Sexuality 101 – with Patricia Rich

    What if your sexual self is already whole and complete? IFS-informed sex therapist Patricia Rich joins host Bahia Miller to explore self-led sexuality, the Six S's framework, internal consent, and how couples — especially parents — can reconnect. If sex feels complicated, confusing, or somewhere you've just stopped going — this episode is for you. This week, Bahia welcomes Patricia Rich, LCSW, CST-S — certified Level 3 IFS therapist, approved consultant, and AACT certified sex therapist — for a deeply honest conversation about what it means to bring Internal Family Systems into our most intimate spaces. Together they explore why talking about sex feels so vulnerable, how our parts shape (and sometimes block) our sexual experience, and how Patricia's original framework — the Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy — can serve as both a roadmap and a coming-home. You'll Learn: - Why sexuality is such a tender, complex trailhead in IFS work — and why that's completely normal - The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy — and how to use them as parts detectors and positive trailheads - What internal consent is, why it matters, and how it's different from interpersonal consent - How parts-led vs. self-led sexuality actually feels different in the body - Why parents especially lose the thread of sexual connection — and simple, self-led ways to find it again Connect with  Patricia: www.patriciarich.com Self-Led in Bed Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    54 min

  7. Mar 17

    How to Have Difficult Conversations — A Self-Led Structure

    A Three-Part Framework for Walking Through the Fire with Courage, Clarity & Care In this solo episode, Bahia Miller offers a practical, parts-informed road map for having the difficult conversations that matter — not to win, not to blame, but to be truly known and to truly know another. Because here's the truth: avoiding the conversation has a cost too. And more often than not, it's a bigger one. You'll learn: Why difficult conversations are actually an act of self-love, not just relational courageThe critical first step: getting clear on what you actually need to say (and which parts are in the way)How to have a "conversation about the conversation" to ease reactivity before you even beginBrené Brown's powerful reframe of putting the issue across the table — so you're on the same teamHow to use a parts map as a communication tool with your partnerSubtle communication shifts that will change the trajectory of the conversation. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    14 min

  8. Mar 10

    Speaking FOR Parts – FROM Self

    Learning to speak FOR Parts, FROM Self — rather than from a reactive part — can transform the way we communicate in relationships. In this solo episode, Bahia Miller explores the difference between speaking for your parts vs. speaking from your parts, why our impulses to make others change often backfire, and how taking a pause — a U-turn — can help us respond with clarity, compassion, and accountability. She shares practical ways to slow down, understand what’s happening inside, and communicate vulnerably and courageously. Reflection: Next time you feel triggered, notice what parts of you are activated. How can you slow down and come into relationship with your parts before sharing with your partner? Free resources: Transform Your Triggers Unblending Meditation: www.bahiamiller.com/unblendSelf-Led Love Checklist: www.bahiamiller.com/checklistExplore more from Bahia: www.bahiamiller.comWant to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    15 min
See All (19)

Trailer

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

Using the transformative lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Self Led Love is an exploration of how our inner parts shape the way we love, communicate, and grow in partnership. Each episode invites listeners to deepen self-awareness, take radical responsibility, and cultivate more authentic, connected relationships.

Information