Self Led Love with Bahia Miller

Bahia Miller
  • 5.0 (9)
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Using the transformative lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Self Led Love is an exploration of how our inner parts shape the way we love, communicate, and grow in partnership. Each episode invites listeners to deepen self-awareness, take radical responsibility, and cultivate more authentic, connected relationships.

  1. 4D AGO

    How to Have Difficult Conversations — A Self-Led Structure

    A Three-Part Framework for Walking Through the Fire with Courage, Clarity & Care In this solo episode, Bahia Miller offers a practical, parts-informed road map for having the difficult conversations that matter — not to win, not to blame, but to be truly known and to truly know another. Because here's the truth: avoiding the conversation has a cost too. And more often than not, it's a bigger one. You'll learn: Why difficult conversations are actually an act of self-love, not just relational courageThe critical first step: getting clear on what you actually need to say (and which parts are in the way)How to have a "conversation about the conversation" to ease reactivity before you even beginBrené Brown's powerful reframe of putting the issue across the table — so you're on the same teamHow to use a parts map as a communication tool with your partnerSubtle communication shifts that will change the trajectory of the conversation. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    14 min

  2. MAR 10

    Speaking FOR Parts – FROM Self

    Learning to speak FOR Parts, FROM Self — rather than from a reactive part — can transform the way we communicate in relationships. In this solo episode, Bahia Miller explores the difference between speaking for your parts vs. speaking from your parts, why our impulses to make others change often backfire, and how taking a pause — a U-turn — can help us respond with clarity, compassion, and accountability. She shares practical ways to slow down, understand what’s happening inside, and communicate vulnerably and courageously. Reflection: Next time you feel triggered, notice what parts of you are activated. How can you slow down and come into relationship with your parts before sharing with your partner? Free resources: Transform Your Triggers Unblending Meditation: www.bahiamiller.com/unblendSelf-Led Love Checklist: www.bahiamiller.com/checklistExplore more from Bahia: www.bahiamiller.comWant to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    15 min

  3. MAR 3

    Intimacy Inventory Experiential – Using the 5 P's of IFS

    What if you could transform your most important relationships — not through big dramatic changes, but through 1% shifts in how you show up? In this episode, host Bahia Miller leads you through a guided IFS-inspired meditation using the Five Ps of Self Energy: Presence, Patience, Perspective, Playfulness, and Persistence. Like the well-known Eight Cs, these five qualities live within all of us — and our parts, when activated, can block them from shining through. You'll be guided to choose one relationship in your life and gently explore how each of these qualities shows up (or gets blocked) in that dynamic — and what even a tiny increase might offer you both. In this episode, you'll explore: The Five Ps of IFS and how they differ from the Eight Cs of Self EnergyA full guided meditation to explore your relational patterns with one person in your lifeHow to identify the parts that block presence, patience, perspective, playfulness, and persistenceWhy "1% more" is a powerful, sustainable lens for relationship growthHow to bring your partner into this conversation as a shared practiceThis episode is for you if: You're doing IFS work and want to apply it directly to your relationshipsYou feel stuck in certain relational patterns and want a fresh, embodied perspectiveYou're curious about how your parts show up with the people you love most⚠️ Please note: This episode contains a guided meditation. Do not listen while driving. You may want a pen and paper nearby. Mentioned in this episode: The Unblending Meditation https://bahiamiller.com/unblend✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    17 min

  4. FEB 25

    [MEDITATION] Points of Light – Seth Kopald PhD

    Join Seth for his signature Points of Light meditation.  You will be invited to circulate love and light throughout your whole system between parts + self.  This meditation can provide a boost of connection and coherence to your system.  Enjoy!  About Seth Kopald Seth Kopald, PhD is a certified Level 3 IFS practitioner and presenter, training program assistant for IFS Levels 1, 2, and 3, and a longtime member of Dick Schwartz's retreat staff. He holds a PhD in organizational management and a master's in education. Seth is the author of Self-Led and specializes in spirituality and the mystical dimensions of IFS, exquisite attunement, self-led parenting, and communication coaching. 🌐 sethkopald.com — free videos, podcast episodes, and his book Self-Led ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    8 min

  5. FEB 24

    The Team Within: IFS, Attunement, and the Art of Being Understood – with Seth Kopald PhD

    What if being truly understood by your partner feels almost identical to being loved?  In this rich conversation, host Bahia Miller sits down with Seth Kopald — Certified Level 3 IFS practitioner and author of Self-Led — to explore what it really means to let your inner parts make room for love. Seth and Bahia unpack the subtle but profound shift from parts-driven reactivity to self-led connection in intimate partnership. Whether you're deep in your IFS journey or just beginning, this episode will give you language, tools, and a fresh lens for the hardest and most human work there is: learning to love and be loved. In This Episode - Why being understood and feeling loved are almost indistinguishable — and what that means for how we communicate - What it means to have a "team within" — and how to get your parts to let Self lead the conversation - The secret unspoken contracts we bring into relationships (and why they always backfire) - How to get consent before a hard conversation — and why it changes everything - The difference between speaking from a part versus speaking for a part - Why forgiveness isn't about letting someone off the hook — it's about releasing the poison from your own system - Practical unblending strategies you can use in the moment and before hard conversations - A guided meditation to connect with the self-energy already living inside your parts About Seth Kopald Seth Kopald, PhD is a certified Level 3 IFS practitioner and presenter, training program assistant for IFS Levels 1, 2, and 3, and a longtime member of Dick Schwartz's retreat staff. He holds a PhD in organizational management and a master's in education. Seth is the author of Self-Led and specializes in spirituality and the mystical dimensions of IFS, exquisite attunement, self-led parenting, and communication coaching. 🌐 sethkopald.com — free videos, podcast episodes, and his book Self-Led Resources Mentioned Self-Led by Seth Kopald Internal Family Systems (IFS) — developed by Richard Schwartz Imago Relationship Therapy (Harville Hendrix) No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover Thich Nhat Hanh — Being Peace www.bahiamiller.com book a discovery call today! ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    1h 5m

  6. FEB 17

    The #1 Skill for Self-Led Love

    Struggling with recurring fights in your relationship? Wondering how to rebuild emotional safety after disconnection? In this episode of Self-Led Love, I break down the most important relationship skill for long-term intimacy: repair. Using a real story from my own marriage (yes, the dinner where I kept interrupting my husband’s storytelling), I model what healthy conflict repair actually looks like in practice. You’ll learn the three essential components of effective relationship repair: Accountability – Taking responsibility for your part in the conflict.Validation – Understanding the emotional impact of your behavior.Creating a New Reality – Changing patterns to build trust and safety.If you care about conscious partnership, emotional maturity, attachment healing, or applying Internal Family Systems (IFS) to relationships, this episode will give you practical tools for conflict resolution and deeper intimacy. Repair isn’t just an apology.  It’s how couples rebuild trust.  It’s how communication improves.  It’s how love becomes safer over time. Want a step-by-step framework? My workshop Repair for Relationship Resilience offers a complete roadmap. Podcast listeners can access it for $22 with code PODCAST. www.bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop Subscribe for weekly episodes on relationship growth, IFS, emotional intelligence, and Self-Led Love. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    14 min

  7. FEB 10

    ADHD in Partnership: Untangling Resentment, Shame, and Shared Responsibility — with Dr. Carol Shilliday

    ADHD can impact partnerships in all sorts of ways.  And without both partners doing the U-Turn to connect with their own parts... resentment builds... and the spark dwindles.   In this episode of Self-Led Love, Bahia Miller is joined by Dr. Carol Shilliday—clinical psychologist, IFS assistant trainer, and longtime ADHD specialist—for a grounded, compassionate conversation about how ADHD shows up in intimate relationships. Together, we explore ADHD not as a character flaw, but as neurodivergent wiring that deeply affects executive functioning, dopamine, emotional regulation, and follow-through—and how, without understanding, it often turns into shame, resentment, parent/child dynamics, and disconnection in partnership. We talk about why ADHD is linked to higher divorce rates, how symptoms get misinterpreted as moral failures, and why both partners often end up feeling unseen and unloved. You’ll hear: Practical ADHD support strategies—without turning into controlthe subtle perspective shifts that empower ADHD partnershow critical acceptance, education and creativity are for ADHD partnershipsWe also explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps ADHD couples by working with parts, unblending from shame and criticism, and restoring self-leadership on both sides of the relationship. This episode is an invitation to move from blame to understanding—and from managing each other to partnering together. ✨If this episode resonated, share it with a partner or friend—and consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help Self-Led Love reach more couples ready for repair. ✨ Connect with Dr. Carol Shilliday Email: drcarolshilliday@gmail.com https://www.drshillidaytherapy.com/ PRE ORDER THE BOOK INSIDE ADHD HERE ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    1h 14m

  8. FEB 3

    The Parts Detector in Relationships: Managers, Firefighters & Exiles in Action

    Understanding how our parts show up in relationships can transform the way we connect with ourselves and our partners. In this solo episode, Bahia Miller breaks down the different types of parts — managers, firefighters, and exiles — and how they influence patterns, conflicts, and intimacy in partnership. She explores the protective roles these parts take on, why they sometimes cause friction, and how bringing awareness to them can create space for healing and deeper connection. Reflection: What are the dominant parts showing up in your relationships? As you listen, notice what your exiles might be carrying underneath and how your protectors are trying to help. Free resources: Self-led Love Checklist: bahiamiller.com/checklistTransform Your Triggers Unblending Meditation: bahiamiller.com/unblendWork with Bahia: If you’d like to learn more about working with Bahia or explore her offerings, visit www.bahiamiller.com for details. Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support throug...

    15 min
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out of 5
9 Ratings

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Using the transformative lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Self Led Love is an exploration of how our inner parts shape the way we love, communicate, and grow in partnership. Each episode invites listeners to deepen self-awareness, take radical responsibility, and cultivate more authentic, connected relationships.

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