Self Led Love with Bahia Miller

Bahia Miller
  • 5.0 (9)
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Using the transformative lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Self Led Love is an exploration of how our inner parts shape the way we love, communicate, and grow in partnership. Each episode invites listeners to deepen self-awareness, take radical responsibility, and cultivate more authentic, connected relationships.

  1. 6D AGO

    Why you keep having the same fight over and over (and how to stop it)

    Do you and your partner keep having the same fight on repeat — different topic, same exhausting pattern? In this episode of Self-Led Love, host and certified IFS practitioner Bahia Miller breaks down exactly why couples get stuck in these cycles and offers a three-step framework for finally shifting them. Bahia walks you through the difference between the content of a conflict (what you're fighting about) and the process (how your protective parts are showing up) — and why the process is almost always what keeps you looping. She also shares a vulnerable, real-time example from her own marriage to bring this framework to life. In this episode: Why "same fight, different day" is actually a portal for growthHow to become a curious scientist of your relationship patternsContent vs. process: the layer most couples missHow protective parts and exiles drive recurring conflictA real example from Bahia's own relationship (and what she's learning from it)How to move from reactive to collaborative — and even playfulThe three-step process for dismantling recurring cyclesKeywords: relationship patterns, IFS couples, internal family systems relationships, recurring arguments, conscious relationship, couples communication, protective parts, self-led love, relationship growth, emotional responsibility, Bahia Miller podcast 👉 Grab the Self-Led Love Checklist below to identify your work, your partner's work, and your shared responsibility in the relationship. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    22 min

  2. MAR 24

    Self Led Sexuality 101 – with Patricia Rich

    What if your sexual self is already whole and complete? IFS-informed sex therapist Patricia Rich joins host Bahia Miller to explore self-led sexuality, the Six S's framework, internal consent, and how couples — especially parents — can reconnect. If sex feels complicated, confusing, or somewhere you've just stopped going — this episode is for you. This week, Bahia welcomes Patricia Rich, LCSW, CST-S — certified Level 3 IFS therapist, approved consultant, and AACT certified sex therapist — for a deeply honest conversation about what it means to bring Internal Family Systems into our most intimate spaces. Together they explore why talking about sex feels so vulnerable, how our parts shape (and sometimes block) our sexual experience, and how Patricia's original framework — the Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy — can serve as both a roadmap and a coming-home. You'll Learn: - Why sexuality is such a tender, complex trailhead in IFS work — and why that's completely normal - The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy — and how to use them as parts detectors and positive trailheads - What internal consent is, why it matters, and how it's different from interpersonal consent - How parts-led vs. self-led sexuality actually feels different in the body - Why parents especially lose the thread of sexual connection — and simple, self-led ways to find it again Connect with  Patricia: www.patriciarich.com Self-Led in Bed Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    54 min

  3. MAR 17

    How to Have Difficult Conversations — A Self-Led Structure

    A Three-Part Framework for Walking Through the Fire with Courage, Clarity & Care In this solo episode, Bahia Miller offers a practical, parts-informed road map for having the difficult conversations that matter — not to win, not to blame, but to be truly known and to truly know another. Because here's the truth: avoiding the conversation has a cost too. And more often than not, it's a bigger one. You'll learn: Why difficult conversations are actually an act of self-love, not just relational courageThe critical first step: getting clear on what you actually need to say (and which parts are in the way)How to have a "conversation about the conversation" to ease reactivity before you even beginBrené Brown's powerful reframe of putting the issue across the table — so you're on the same teamHow to use a parts map as a communication tool with your partnerSubtle communication shifts that will change the trajectory of the conversation. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    14 min

  4. MAR 10

    Speaking FOR Parts – FROM Self

    Learning to speak FOR Parts, FROM Self — rather than from a reactive part — can transform the way we communicate in relationships. In this solo episode, Bahia Miller explores the difference between speaking for your parts vs. speaking from your parts, why our impulses to make others change often backfire, and how taking a pause — a U-turn — can help us respond with clarity, compassion, and accountability. She shares practical ways to slow down, understand what’s happening inside, and communicate vulnerably and courageously. Reflection: Next time you feel triggered, notice what parts of you are activated. How can you slow down and come into relationship with your parts before sharing with your partner? Free resources: Transform Your Triggers Unblending Meditation: www.bahiamiller.com/unblendSelf-Led Love Checklist: www.bahiamiller.com/checklistExplore more from Bahia: www.bahiamiller.comWant to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    15 min

  5. MAR 3

    Intimacy Inventory Experiential – Using the 5 P's of IFS

    What if you could transform your most important relationships — not through big dramatic changes, but through 1% shifts in how you show up? In this episode, host Bahia Miller leads you through a guided IFS-inspired meditation using the Five Ps of Self Energy: Presence, Patience, Perspective, Playfulness, and Persistence. Like the well-known Eight Cs, these five qualities live within all of us — and our parts, when activated, can block them from shining through. You'll be guided to choose one relationship in your life and gently explore how each of these qualities shows up (or gets blocked) in that dynamic — and what even a tiny increase might offer you both. In this episode, you'll explore: The Five Ps of IFS and how they differ from the Eight Cs of Self EnergyA full guided meditation to explore your relational patterns with one person in your lifeHow to identify the parts that block presence, patience, perspective, playfulness, and persistenceWhy "1% more" is a powerful, sustainable lens for relationship growthHow to bring your partner into this conversation as a shared practiceThis episode is for you if: You're doing IFS work and want to apply it directly to your relationshipsYou feel stuck in certain relational patterns and want a fresh, embodied perspectiveYou're curious about how your parts show up with the people you love most⚠️ Please note: This episode contains a guided meditation. Do not listen while driving. You may want a pen and paper nearby. Mentioned in this episode: The Unblending Meditation https://bahiamiller.com/unblend✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    17 min

  6. FEB 25

    [MEDITATION] Points of Light – Seth Kopald PhD

    Join Seth for his signature Points of Light meditation.  You will be invited to circulate love and light throughout your whole system between parts + self.  This meditation can provide a boost of connection and coherence to your system.  Enjoy!  About Seth Kopald Seth Kopald, PhD is a certified Level 3 IFS practitioner and presenter, training program assistant for IFS Levels 1, 2, and 3, and a longtime member of Dick Schwartz's retreat staff. He holds a PhD in organizational management and a master's in education. Seth is the author of Self-Led and specializes in spirituality and the mystical dimensions of IFS, exquisite attunement, self-led parenting, and communication coaching. 🌐 sethkopald.com — free videos, podcast episodes, and his book Self-Led ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    8 min

  7. FEB 24

    The Team Within: IFS, Attunement, and the Art of Being Understood – with Seth Kopald PhD

    What if being truly understood by your partner feels almost identical to being loved?  In this rich conversation, host Bahia Miller sits down with Seth Kopald — Certified Level 3 IFS practitioner and author of Self-Led — to explore what it really means to let your inner parts make room for love. Seth and Bahia unpack the subtle but profound shift from parts-driven reactivity to self-led connection in intimate partnership. Whether you're deep in your IFS journey or just beginning, this episode will give you language, tools, and a fresh lens for the hardest and most human work there is: learning to love and be loved. In This Episode - Why being understood and feeling loved are almost indistinguishable — and what that means for how we communicate - What it means to have a "team within" — and how to get your parts to let Self lead the conversation - The secret unspoken contracts we bring into relationships (and why they always backfire) - How to get consent before a hard conversation — and why it changes everything - The difference between speaking from a part versus speaking for a part - Why forgiveness isn't about letting someone off the hook — it's about releasing the poison from your own system - Practical unblending strategies you can use in the moment and before hard conversations - A guided meditation to connect with the self-energy already living inside your parts About Seth Kopald Seth Kopald, PhD is a certified Level 3 IFS practitioner and presenter, training program assistant for IFS Levels 1, 2, and 3, and a longtime member of Dick Schwartz's retreat staff. He holds a PhD in organizational management and a master's in education. Seth is the author of Self-Led and specializes in spirituality and the mystical dimensions of IFS, exquisite attunement, self-led parenting, and communication coaching. 🌐 sethkopald.com — free videos, podcast episodes, and his book Self-Led Resources Mentioned Self-Led by Seth Kopald Internal Family Systems (IFS) — developed by Richard Schwartz Imago Relationship Therapy (Harville Hendrix) No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover Thich Nhat Hanh — Being Peace www.bahiamiller.com book a discovery call today! ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    1h 5m

  8. FEB 17

    The #1 Skill for Self-Led Love

    Struggling with recurring fights in your relationship? Wondering how to rebuild emotional safety after disconnection? In this episode of Self-Led Love, I break down the most important relationship skill for long-term intimacy: repair. Using a real story from my own marriage (yes, the dinner where I kept interrupting my husband’s storytelling), I model what healthy conflict repair actually looks like in practice. You’ll learn the three essential components of effective relationship repair: Accountability – Taking responsibility for your part in the conflict.Validation – Understanding the emotional impact of your behavior.Creating a New Reality – Changing patterns to build trust and safety.If you care about conscious partnership, emotional maturity, attachment healing, or applying Internal Family Systems (IFS) to relationships, this episode will give you practical tools for conflict resolution and deeper intimacy. Repair isn’t just an apology.  It’s how couples rebuild trust.  It’s how communication improves.  It’s how love becomes safer over time. Want a step-by-step framework? My workshop Repair for Relationship Resilience offers a complete roadmap. Podcast listeners can access it for $22 with code PODCAST. www.bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop Subscribe for weekly episodes on relationship growth, IFS, emotional intelligence, and Self-Led Love. ✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller 🌈 Free resources + more from Bahia: Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist www.bahiamiller.com 🔮 For couples who are committed to growth and ready to build real emotional intelligence together using IFS — the Self Led Love Lab waitlist is open: https://bahiamiller.com/waitlist Want to go deeper into the work? 🎧 For our podcast community: Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22 Use code PODCAST https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop *Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer* Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach. Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality. This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this...

    14 min
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5
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

Using the transformative lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Self Led Love is an exploration of how our inner parts shape the way we love, communicate, and grow in partnership. Each episode invites listeners to deepen self-awareness, take radical responsibility, and cultivate more authentic, connected relationships.

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