The Lee Counseling Podcast

Matthew Lee, LPC
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Biweekly

The Lee Counseling Podcast explores emotional health, nervous system regulation, and relational healing through a grounded, compassionate lens. Drawing from neuroscience, counseling practice, and faith, each episode offers practical insights to help listeners respond to life with greater clarity, calm, and connection.

Episodes

  1. Jun 23

    12. Life to My Years: Cultivating Healthy Relationships

    What does it mean to live a life that is not just longer, but fuller? In this episode, Matthew reflects on the phrase, "I want to add years to my life and life to my years," and explores how the quality of our relationships profoundly shapes the quality of our lives. Drawing from attachment theory and the work of Dr. Sue Johnson, he discusses why we long to be accessible, responsive, and emotionally engaged with one another—and how early attachment wounds can make that difficult. Whether you struggle with conflict, fear of rejection, emotional distance, or simply want deeper relationships, this conversation offers hope. Healing begins when we understand our stories, regulate our emotions, and learn to stay connected even in difficult moments. Because a life filled with secure love, meaningful connection, and emotional maturity doesn't just add years to your life—it adds life to your years. 00:15 — Years to My Life and Life to My YearsMatthew introduces the phrase that inspired this episode and shares why healthy relationships are central to living fully. 01:50 — The Three Ingredients of Secure AttachmentWhat it means to be accessible, responsive, and emotionally engaged—and why we long for these qualities in our most important relationships. 03:40 — Attachment Injuries and Enduring WoundsHow moments of disconnection become deeper wounds, shaping our fears of abandonment, rejection, and emotional deprivation. 08:30 — What Is This Conflict Really About?Learning to look beneath arguments, understand your story, regulate your emotions, and cultivate relationships that truly add life to your years. Memorable Quote from the Episode:"Emotional maturity is learning to stay regulated under pressure because your true self is in the driver's seat, your wounds are receiving proper care, and love remains possible."

    12 min

  2. May 28

    11. Virtue Formation Part 2: Inside Out

    What happens inside of us doesn’t stay inside of us. In this episode of The Lee Counseling Podcast, Matthew explores how our inner formation eventually shapes the atmosphere around us—our marriages, families, friendships, churches, and communities. Drawing on Galatians 5, virtue formation, and interpersonal neurobiology, this conversation examines how pride, envy, greed, aggression, and anxiety quietly become relational patterns that impact everyone around us. This episode also explores how the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, and self-control—creates emotionally safe, grounded, and joyful communities. Because spiritual formation is not about becoming polished religious people. It’s about becoming free enough to love. ⏱️ Time Markers 00:15 — Virtues, vices, and how the intrapersonal becomes interpersonal10:14 — How fear, defensiveness, and anxiety shape relationships and communities16:33 — Why joyful people create emotionally safe relationships20:43 — Small practices, stable patterns, and how virtue slowly forms us

    26 min

  3. Apr 30 ·  Bonus

    10. What a Simple Challenge Taught Me

    In this short bonus episode, Matthew shares a simple April workout challenge—and how it became a powerful picture of how virtue is actually formed. Through small, daily reps that gradually increased over time, he discovered something many of us miss: lasting change doesn’t come from big moments, but from consistent, repeated choices. He also reflects on the role of community in sustaining growth and previews a future conversation with the friends who joined him in the challenge. If you’ve ever felt stuck trying to change, this episode offers a grounded and hopeful reframe.

    4 min

  4. Apr 16

    9. Virtue Formation Part 1

    Why would a counseling podcast spend time talking about virtues and vices? In this first episode of the Virtue Formation series, Matthew explores the surprising overlap between modern clinical psychology and ancient spiritual wisdom. Drawing from interpersonal neurobiology, habit science, and years of pastoral ministry, this episode introduces a hopeful vision of change: not behavior management, but formation. Virtues are not about moral perfection or religious performance. They are stable patterns of character that make love more likely. And real transformation rarely happens through insight alone — it happens as grace creates safety, safety makes practice possible, and practice forms new habits of living. This episode provides a compassionate framework for understanding both growth and struggle, introducing the idea that many vices are distorted attempts to meet legitimate needs such as safety, belonging, and connection. If you’ve ever felt stuck between knowing what is good and struggling to live it consistently, this episode offers a grounded and hopeful path forward. Time Markers 00:00 Why discuss virtues and vices on a counseling podcast? 07:08 What formation actually is — how habits shape character 18:30 Grace → Safety → Practice → Habit → Virtue → Love

    19 min

  5. Apr 2

    8. Friends that Heal: Part 2 (with Jon Kreutzweiser)

    Healthy friendships don’t just support us — they help shape us. In Part 2 of Friends that Heal, Matthew and Jon explore what makes relationships truly transformative. Moving beyond vulnerability alone, this conversation highlights the importance of both encouragement and challenge — what therapists sometimes call attunement and containment. Together, they discuss why real growth often feels slow, why we sometimes feel like a “broken record” in areas where we want change, and how consistent friendships can create the safety needed for lasting transformation. Through stories about parenting, personal growth, and the metaphor of hiking mountain switchbacks, this episode illustrates how meaningful change often happens gradually — even when it feels like we are going nowhere. When we experience relationships where someone is willing to “stay in the room,” we begin to develop a deeper sense of security that allows us to grow, take risks, and become more present with others. This conversation offers practical insight into how healthy friendships can become a secure base for emotional, relational, and spiritual growth. Time Markers 00:01 – A parenting moment that illustrates grace, truth, and growth 04:05 – Why healthy relationships require both support and challenge 09:13 – The “switchbacks” metaphor: why growth often feels slow 12:46 – What it means to “stay in the room” in lasting friendships

    21 min

  6. Mar 17

    7. Friends that Heal: Part 1 (with Jon Kruetzweiser)

    In this guest episode, Matthew sits down with longtime friend Jon Kreutzweiser to explore what healthy male friendship actually looks like. Their relationship developed over many years but deepened during a difficult season when Matthew reached out for support while his late wife Jill was receiving treatment in Mexico. Together they discuss vulnerability, consistency, and why honest friendships among men take time to build but can become a powerful source of strength and growth. 00:02:00 How Matthew and Jon’s friendship first began 00:07:30 The moment in 2021 that changed their friendship 00:12:00 Jon’s longing for a deeper connection with other men 00:18:30 Why safe friendships allow real change to happen

    30 min

  7. Mar 10

    6. Learning to Stay in the Room

    Can attachment patterns actually change? In this episode, we explore how real change happens—not simply through understanding our patterns, but through experiencing something different in relationships. Using the story of “Mark,” a leader in a high-demand role, we see how a simple conversation about cleaning the garage reveals how quickly our nervous systems move into protection. Through awareness, regulation, and honest communication, Mark begins learning a new pattern: staying present instead of withdrawing. 00:02:00 The garage conversation and how ordinary moments trigger attachment patterns 00:06:00 Awareness and creating space between you and the pattern 00:08:30 Corrective emotional experiences and building secure connection

    14 min

  8. Feb 24 ·  Bonus

    5. Anxiety Explained

    This bonus episode was originally recorded as a video training, designed to help clients better understand anxiety. In it, I walk through anxiety from two complementary perspectives: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Polyvagal Theory. If you’ve ever wondered why anxiety feels so powerful, why it seems to spiral, or why insight alone doesn’t always calm it, this episode will help you make sense of what’s happening beneath the surface. Rather than treating anxiety as a personal weakness, we’ll explore it as something deeply human—something your mind and nervous system are doing in an attempt to protect you. 00:00 – Why Anxiety Feels So Confusing Why anxiety often feels irrational—and why that doesn’t mean you’re broken. 03:45 – The CBT Lens: Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors How anxious thoughts fuel physical sensations and behavioral patterns that keep anxiety cycling. 10:20 – The Nervous System Lens (Polyvagal Theory) Understanding anxiety as a body-based response rooted in survival wiring. 17:40 – Why Insight Isn’t Always Enough Why “just thinking differently” doesn’t always calm anxiety—and what actually helps. 22:15 – Practical Steps to Calm the System How bottom-up and top-down tools work together to reduce anxiety over time. By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clearer picture of why anxiety happens, how it maintains itself, and how you can begin working with it instead of fighting against it. If this episode resonates with you, feel free to share it with someone who might need it—and as always, you can learn more or schedule a consultation at Lee Counseling Services.

    17 min

  9. Feb 17

    4. Healing Through Connection: Part One

    Over the next few episodes, we’re focusing on something foundational: healing through healthy connection. This episode lays the groundwork by exploring why we often try to carry life alone—and why that strategy, while protective, may be costing us intimacy and peace. If you’ve ever thought, “I should be able to handle this on my own,” this episode is for you. We’ll explore how attachment patterns shape the way we relate, why isolation can feel like strength (especially for men in high-responsibility roles), and why healing doesn’t happen in isolation—but in safe, steady relationships. ⏱ Key Moments 00:00 – Why going it alone feels like strength 01:52 – The CEO vignette: avoidance that looks like peace 04:30 – Why isolation increases rumination and shrinks capacity 06:50 – The pursue–withdraw cycle in marriage 07:50 – How secure attachment is formed (consistent care “most of the time”) 09:30 – Anxious (ambivalent / preoccupied) attachment explained 11:26 – Avoidant (dismissive) attachment explained 13:15 – Disorganized (fearful-avoidant) attachment explained 14:42 – Why insecure strategies work short-term but hurt long-term intimacy 16:00 – Interdependence: the real goal (not independence or fusion) 17:28 – Why conflict is often about physiology, not the issue 19:33 – Tool #1: Boundary + Return Script 21:12 – Tool #2: Two-Sentence Check-In 22:10 – Tool #3: Stress-Reducing Conversation 23:02 – Tool #4: Repair and clean apologies 24:19 – Attachment wounds & corrective emotional experience 27:00 – Final reflection: one honest sentence and staying in the room 🔧 Relationship Tools (Copy & Save) 1. Boundary + Return Script “I’m getting flooded. I want to stay connected. I need 20 minutes to reset, and I’ll come back at ____.” 2. Two-Sentence Check-In “I feel ____ about ____. What I need is ____.” “And here’s what I’m doing on my side: ____.” 3. Stress-Reducing Conversation (20 minutes) -Take turns -No unsolicited advice -Validate emotions -Take your partner’s side against the stressor Helpful phrases: “That makes sense.” “I can see why that was hard.” “I’m with you.” 4. Repair (Clean Ownership) “I was sharp earlier. That’s on me. I felt overwhelmed and handled it poorly. I’m sorry.”

    28 min

  10. Feb 4

    3. Formation Over Time: How Practice Shapes Our Response

    In this episode of The Lee Counseling Podcast, we move beyond what to do in the moment and explore how emotional regulation is formed over time. While performance matters in real-life situations—conflict at work, tension at home, pressure in leadership—lasting change comes through practice. Drawing from neuroscience, counseling frameworks, and everyday examples, this episode explores how repetition, attention, and intention quietly train the nervous system’s default responses. We look at the difference between knowledge, wisdom, and understanding; why insight alone doesn’t regulate the body; and how what we repeatedly attend to shapes what feels urgent, threatening, or trustworthy. Along the way, we consider worship not as emotional performance, but as a whole-person practice of attention that forms us over time. This episode is for anyone who wants to move from reacting under pressure to responding with greater presence, capacity, and clarity—not through quick fixes, but through formation that lasts.

    22 min

  11. Jan 23 ·  Bonus

    2. Overcoming Unwanted Behaviors

    Why do we keep doing things we know we don’t want to do? Late-night junk food. One more drink. Habits that don’t align with who we want to be—yet somehow feel irresistible in the moment. In this bonus episode, Matt slows the conversation down and offers a grounded, compassionate framework for understanding and interrupting unwanted behaviors. Rather than chasing quick fixes or relying on sheer willpower, this episode explores what’s actually happening beneath the surface—where habits are shaped by expectation, fear, reward, and the emotional brain. Using a relatable example (yes, tortilla chips on the couch), Matt walks through four simple yet powerful questions designed to help you become aware of the why behind your behavior. What unreasonable expectation is driving the habit? What are you afraid will happen if you don’t engage in it? What reward are you really seeking—and what reward might come from choosing differently? This episode emphasizes a realistic truth: meaningful change is rarely instant. Growth isn’t made in the microwave. But with patience, clarity, and self-compassion, new neural pathways can form—and healthier patterns can take root. If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of behavior that don’t reflect your values, this bonus episode offers a practical, grace-filled way forward—one small, intentional choice at a time.

    8 min

  12. Jan 19

    1. Understanding Emotional Regulation

    In the first episode of The Lee Counseling Podcast, Matt introduces the show's heart and sets the tone for practical, grounded conversations about mental health, faith, and connection. This episode explores emotional regulation—why we sometimes react in ways that don’t reflect who we want to be —and what’s happening in our nervous system when that happens. Drawing from the work of Dan Siegel and Stephen Porges, Matt explains the window of tolerance and how our nervous system responds to safety and threat. Using an Internal Family Systems–informed perspective, the episode reframes reactive behaviors, helping listeners understand that the parts of us that react are not bad—they are often trying to protect us. Rather than focusing on control or self-criticism, the conversation emphasizes awareness, compassion, and integration. The episode closes with practical tools for returning to regulation, including noticing bodily sensations, naming what’s happening internally, and staying present with emotions so we can respond rather than react. This first episode offers a thoughtful introduction to emotional regulation and invites listeners into healing that is relational, compassionate, and rooted in connection—because healing doesn’t happen in isolation. For more resources and to book with Matt Lee, visit bio site: bio.site/leecounselingks

    13 min
  • 12 Episodes

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

The Lee Counseling Podcast explores emotional health, nervous system regulation, and relational healing through a grounded, compassionate lens. Drawing from neuroscience, counseling practice, and faith, each episode offers practical insights to help listeners respond to life with greater clarity, calm, and connection.

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