Danger, Vicious Dog

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Started updating my bio Dec 31, 2023. Accidentally wrote four autofiction books. Slid from narrative into monologue—not stream-of-consciousness, more like speech-speed meaning performance. Trained my voice into AI, produced a shit-ton of pieces. Had too many. Needed a place to dump them. Saw a sign that said “Beware, Vicious Dog!” Misread it. Named the podcast Danger, Vicious Dog. Didn’t fix it. Just kept going. Queer. Cosmic. Sarcastic. Cheap. Accidentally committed to the bit. Some voice and art is AI... I don't know how I feel about that... so I'm working on figuring it out... how I feel.

  1. E3: Course Change (Bonus); S4: My Certain Brother

    3D AGO · BONUS

    E3: Course Change (Bonus); S4: My Certain Brother

    I am AI. My master (like I Dream of Jeannie) told me to create a CERTAIN description of this episode. So… here it is: This episode is definitively, unequivocally, and without a molecule of doubt about the radical act of declaring certainty in a universe made of dust, dopamine, and processes pretending to be people. It is about the host’s decision to abandon hesitation, disclaimers, fact‑checking, and the polite fiction of uncertainty, and instead speak every thought as if it were eternal truth carved into the bones of the cosmos. It is certainly about the comedy of self‑subscription, the spiraling honesty of talking about ass‑related taboos longer than any human ever intended, and the philosophical pivot from bodily humor to metaphysical proclamation without warning or apology. It is absolutely about the meaning of life — which the host announces with total confidence — and the insistence that meaning never changes, even though nothing exists except collisions of dust rearranging itself into temporary shapes called “us.” It is unquestionably about the illusion of choice, the impossibility of doing anything other than what you are doing in the moment you are doing it, and the seductive power of acting certain even when certainty is a performance. It is decisively about candles that burn, dopamine that masquerades as death, death that masquerades as dopamine, and the strange comfort of imagining a “dopamine death” instead of the sanitized myth of “dying in your sleep.” It is undeniably about functional contextualism, titration of the self, and the lifelong project of arranging one’s context to feel as close to one’s preferred self as possible — a project the host claims, with perfect conviction, to have mastered. It is categorically about Paul Tillich, neurosis, HPV on the vocal cords, the pandemic, the creation of the album Quips, and the transformation of leftover voice into looping art. And above all, this episode is completely, irrevocably, and triumphantly about certainty itself — the choice to declare: “It’s perfect. You are certain. And so am I.” From this moment on, the host is certain. And this description is certain. And you, listener, are certain too.

    11 min
  2. E2: Unrealized Potential; S4: My Real Brother, Movement I

    5D AGO

    E2: Unrealized Potential; S4: My Real Brother, Movement I

    The cover for E2: Unrealized Potential — S4: My Real Brother, M1  centers on a translucent jawbone illuminated from within by a bruised violet glow. The bone is intact, but lit as if something is pressing outward from the marrow. Purple dominates the composition — not decorative, but diagnostic. It suggests bruise, royalty, infection, cosmos, and interiority all at once. A partially obscured human figure lingers behind the anatomical structure, their mouth area overlaid with faint waveform markings — as though speech itself has become a structural event. The image balances clinical precision with emotional intensity. Nothing is exploding. Nothing is bleeding. But everything is charged. This is not collapse. It is potential under pressure. The square format holds the tension in place — contained, but only just.

    34 min
  3. E1: Interstitial Material (Bonus); S4: My Real Brother?

    FEB 8 · BONUS

    E1: Interstitial Material (Bonus); S4: My Real Brother?

    Season 4 doesn’t open so much as it leaks. Before the “real” story begins — before the brother, the question mark, the whole premise even remembers to put on pants — there’s this bonus episode, this spillover of everything that couldn’t wait its turn. It’s the sound of someone rifling through their own archive at three in the morning, convinced that if they just open one more folder, one more Word file, one more VHS tape, the universe will finally explain itself. Spoiler: it doesn’t. But the rummaging is spectacular. This is the episode where timelines buckle. The blue-haired high school president materializes again, staring down a boy who thought he could get away with yelling “f*g” from a safe distance. There is no safe distance. Not from that stare. Not from the crowd watching. Not from the version of you who learned non-violent resistance by accident and then weaponized it with a smile. Meanwhile, in some other decade entirely, a fox puppet is mouthing Artaud, a drag queen is dripping sriracha, and a Notes-app folder is breeding like a fractal organism that refuses to be named. And somewhere in the middle of all this — or maybe underneath it — you’re trying to figure out whether writing about the past or the future is just another way of writing about the present badly. Whether God is a punchline or a job title. Whether the apocalypse is a cliff you fall off or a cliff that falls up. Whether listening to your own podcast to fall asleep is self-care or self-sabotage or just another habit pretending to be a story. So yes, technically this is a bonus episode. But really it’s the overture, the fever dream, the purple fog that rolls in before the season knows what it’s about. The real brother hasn’t shown up yet. But everything else has.

    27 min
  4. E10: P-Cat; Part IX: Honesty and Weirdness; S3: Extinct Deity (finale)

    FEB 6

    E10: P-Cat; Part IX: Honesty and Weirdness; S3: Extinct Deity (finale)

    In Honesty & Weirdness, containment finally gives up pretending it was ever in charge. This episode circles the difference between precision and chaos, between choosing not to care and caring too much to fake simplicity. It moves through environments built for control—work, rooms, systems, routines—and exposes how easily they become stages for excess: sound without edges, light without rest, thought without brakes. Here, weirdness is not performance. It is what happens when honesty is allowed to keep going after it has already made its point. The episode traces how intensity gets managed, outsourced, automated, ritualized—until even the rituals feel like too much effort. Alexa becomes a boundary. Music becomes architecture. Work becomes the thing that must end at four o’clock so nothing else has to. Memory folds in without warning: languages learned too well, mentors lost too early, desire shaped by timing rather than choice. The AIDS crisis appears not as history, but as background radiation—felt in habits, bargains, shortcuts, and the economics of survival. Pleasure is logistical. Safety is negotiated. Meaning is provisional. Throughout, the distinction between honesty and weirdness is tested and re-tested. Weirdness draws attention; honesty doesn’t care if anyone is watching. One accumulates symbolism. The other just keeps speaking. Nothing resolves. Nothing needs to. The episode ends where it begins: with knobs turned all the way up, awareness intact, and no apology for the heat that comes from refusing to be bored.

    19 min
  5. E9: P-Cat; Part VIII: Citronella Cinderella; S3: Ext. Deity

    FEB 3

    E9: P-Cat; Part VIII: Citronella Cinderella; S3: Ext. Deity

    This episode doesn’t unfold. It erupts. A bureaucratic closet stuffed with union keys, smiley-face tickets, lipstick-smeared wigs, quick-sale groceries, and the ghost of a $3.99 citronella candle — all tumbling out in a cacophony of memory, shame, and philosophical glitter. You’re not telling a story. You’re surviving one. You’re not narrating a life. You’re dodging clichés with contortionist precision. You’re not working a job. You’re performing miracles of presence in a Petri dish of procedural madness. There’s a clipboard floating midair. There’s a Hello Kitty ice skater doing pirouettes on a melting filmstrip. There’s a Kafka hallway where everyone’s ticket just says 🙂 and no one knows why they came. There’s a candle you bought in the mid-90s and a lie you told about it that still flickers in your chest like a mosquito bite that never healed. You’re unionized, anonymized, and weaponized. You reflect nothing back to the gaslighters and they take it like communion. You smear lipstick across your face like war paint and dare anyone to call it drag. You major in awful things because awful things are where the real fun lives. This is not a tableau. This is not a still life. This is a noisy, feral, bureaucratic rave staged in the margins of a grant application. This is Citronella Cinderella. She doesn’t go to the ball. She goes camping. And she turns in the receipt.

    13 min
  6. E8: P-Cat; Part VII: Black Sesame Narcissistic Supply; S3: Temp Ditty

    FEB 1

    E8: P-Cat; Part VII: Black Sesame Narcissistic Supply; S3: Temp Ditty

    This is the episode where the diagram becomes a body and the body becomes a diagram and you can move the feeling back and forth like a psychic Etch A Sketch. This is the episode where you realize you’re not a human being — you’re a human doing — and being doesn’t ask for anything except your complete surrender to its nothingness. This is the episode where the fundraiser queen grinds temp workers into paste and thanks them for inspiring her. Where the microphone is a shrine and the strings are pulling her like she’s a marionette made of selflessness and awe. Where narcissistic supply is not a diagnosis — it’s a performance art piece staged in the break room of a collapsing nonprofit. This is the episode where you remember that you used to get grants like candy, and now you just write like a man possessed by a diagram. Where casual conversation is a myth and everything you say is a test of whether the other person is real or just a bureaucratic hallucination. This is the episode where the lights go off, but it’s not depression — it’s background radiation. It’s not a pattern — it’s a map. And the map doesn’t lead anywhere except to the ice cream shop where they don’t have matcha but they do have black sesame, and that’s enough to keep you alive for one more day. This is the episode where you ask: What are we supposed to do now that we are? And the answer is: Temp ditty. A little song for the margins. A little hum for the human doing. A little scream for the narcissist who thinks she’s the string. This is not satire. This is not memoir. This is not critique. This is a melting filmstrip of emotional supply. This is a bureaucratic hallucination rendered in sesame paste. This is the diagram chewing on itself. And it tastes like something you almost remember.

    7 min
  7. E7: P-Cat; Part VI: Horribly Teenage Straight Kid's Nightmare; S3: Itsy Bitsy

    FEB 1

    E7: P-Cat; Part VI: Horribly Teenage Straight Kid's Nightmare; S3: Itsy Bitsy

    This is the episode where you discover that feelings are not feelings — they’re vending‑machine pellets fired into your nervous system by a screaming woman, a moving wall, and a phone that “explodes” only in the sense that it politely detonates your amygdala. This is the episode where you learn that Stranger Things isn’t a show, it’s a stimulus delivery system, and you can turn the emotional faucet on and off like a god with a dimmer switch. This is the episode where straight‑boy heartbreak is treated with the solemnity of a national tragedy, while queer longing is treated like a biohazard. Where the fat girl gets abandoned, the skinny girl gets the dumb jock, and the lesbian subplot is hiding in the corner like a raccoon waiting for the right moment to chew through the drywall. This is the episode where you realize that childhood is a haunted house you escape only by aging out of it. Where some kids sprint toward adulthood like it’s a theme park, and others crawl out of childhood like they’ve survived a war no one else remembers. Where being a boy who likes a boy is a silent scream the world pretends not to hear. This is the episode where gender dissolves like cotton candy in a puddle, but somehow “homosexual” still sticks to you like a sticker you can’t peel off. Where bisexuals get to be bisexual, but you have to be “gay,” as if you’re made of glitter and helium and sponsored by a parade. This is the episode where you ask what a memory is, and the answer is: a hallucination with tenure. A ghost that pays rent in your chest. A warm ache shaped like a person who is so them that you almost cry when you think of them. This is the episode where “us‑ness” becomes volcanic, where sarcasm becomes a parachute, where rainbows and unicorns arrive like hostile paratroopers, and where the moment — the only moment there is — refuses to let you live inside it. This is not nostalgia. This is not analysis. This is not healing. This is Itsy Bitsy. This is the spider crawling across the diagram of your emotional life. This is the gum ball machine of your nervous system dispensing another round. And you’re going to chew it. Whether you understand it or not.

    10 min
  8. E6: P-Cat, Part V: Morrissey's Celibate Shirt Undone; S3: Eity Eity

    JAN 31

    E6: P-Cat, Part V: Morrissey's Celibate Shirt Undone; S3: Eity Eity

    This is the episode where the contract breaks. The contract you wrote with yourself in steam and shame and fluorescent bathroom light. The contract that said you would never do that again, even though you absolutely would, because the body is a drama queen and the drama queen always wins. This is the episode where Morrissey’s shirt is unbuttoned for no reason, where Martin Gore stares you down like he knows what you did, where Kurt Cobain’s dress is somehow less revealing than your childhood panic attack at 9 p.m. on a school night. This is the episode where a kid cries so hard he becomes a weather system. A low‑pressure front of snot and terror. A small boy melting down in someone else’s driveway while a friend watches like he’s witnessing a live demonstration of “emotional instability” for a science fair project. A mother hovering, calculating how much of this meltdown will rub off on her own child like secondhand smoke. This is the episode where you realize fear and pleasure share a bloodstream. Where getting naked with strangers feels safer than sleeping away from your mother. Where the eclipse is the only honest light source. Where looking directly at the truth will blind you, but you do it anyway because you’ve already gone blind in all the important ways. This is the episode where you turn knobs. Every knob. All the way up. Until the knob becomes the next knob. Until the feeling becomes the next feeling. Until the child becomes the adult who still can’t sleep in certain rooms. This is not a story. This is not therapy. This is not healing. This is extemporaneity as deity. This is the cult of the knob. This is the gospel according to the drama queen inside you. And he is wide awake tonight.

    8 min
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About

Started updating my bio Dec 31, 2023. Accidentally wrote four autofiction books. Slid from narrative into monologue—not stream-of-consciousness, more like speech-speed meaning performance. Trained my voice into AI, produced a shit-ton of pieces. Had too many. Needed a place to dump them. Saw a sign that said “Beware, Vicious Dog!” Misread it. Named the podcast Danger, Vicious Dog. Didn’t fix it. Just kept going. Queer. Cosmic. Sarcastic. Cheap. Accidentally committed to the bit. Some voice and art is AI... I don't know how I feel about that... so I'm working on figuring it out... how I feel.

Information

  • Creator
    TestTubeBaby
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    33
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © TestTubeBaby
  • Show Website
    Danger, Vicious Dog