Start with You Podcast

Ben Lamorte
  • 5.0 (2)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Monthly

Start with You explores how people at any stage — college, mid-career, or the next chapter — build the three legs of the clarity stool: What You Bring, What You Need, What You Can Do. Each episode focuses on a simple but powerful idea: Get Clarity Before You Commit. You’ll learn how to: • Clarify your values and strengths, and see the picture your life has already drawn • Evaluate opportunities more effectively, and create options not on the menu • Find the work you love Each episode ends with a practical exercise: “Now it’s your turn.” The show originally launched as the 20-Something Toolkit, then became Identity Blueprint. It’s now Start with You — because that’s what it was always about. Get your free blueprint at benlamorte.com

  1. 1d ago

    Episode 13: Preface

    The preface to my upcoming book, Start with You: Go Beyond Prototyping. Get Clarity Before You Commit.  Available Oct 15, 2026. Want an early look? Send me a note Ben@OKRs.com

  2. Apr 15

    Episode 12: Journaling -- The Superpower of Your Defining Decade

    Ben shares a pivotal personal story about losing his job right after buying a house and starting a family, and how a surprising assignment from his friend Sid led him to discover the life-changing power of journaling.   What began as daily reflection turned into clarity, direction, and ultimately the discovery of the work that would shape his career for the next decade. You’ll learn why journaling is more than writing about your day. It is a tool for turning experience into insight, reducing rumination, improving decision-making, and building self-awareness. Ben also breaks down the research behind journaling, showing how it improves emotional regulation, clarity, and resilience, especially during uncertain or challenging periods of life. If you’re in your 20s and trying to figure out who you are, what gives you energy, and where your life is headed, journaling may be the simplest and most powerful habit you can build. This episode concludes with: Why journaling is a “Defining Decade” superpower How writing turns rumination into reflection, moving you forward The link between journaling and better decisions A simple approach to journaling you can start today Because when you understand your thinking, you don’t drift through your 20s, you shape them. Now It’s Your Turn 7-Day Journaling Challenge For the next 7 days, try a simple experiment: write for 10–20 minutes each day, or even better, do one deeper 1-hour session. Try to get into a flow state when you are writing, dont' worry about the exact duration. Your approach to daily journaling doesn’t matter that much. The key is to simply write whatever is on your mind. This can be a free-writing exercise. If it helps, you can use one of these reflection frameworks: Critical Reflection (Episode 1) Awareness — What is happening? Critique — What do I notice? What feels off or aligned? Realign — What small shift will I make? Decision Stool (Evaluate a Recent Decision) Values: What mattered most?  Alternatives: Did I use values to inform my alternatives? Information: Did I have good information? Daily prompts What happened today? What gave me energy? What drained me? What did I learn? What action can I take tomorrow? End-of-week reflection What patterns did I notice? What surprised me? What feels clearer? Journaling will bring clarity and clearer thinking which will set you up for better choices. If you find this exercise useful, share your story in the comments or post a question if you get stuck. Let's get a conversation going!

  3. Apr 8

    Episode 11: Precision Questioning - Land the Job, Close the Deal, Build Connections

    What makes great leaders, CEOs, and top performers stand out? It’s not that they give everyone advice or do all the talking. It’s that they ask the best questions. In this episode, we explore Precision Questioning, a powerful communication framework from Dennis Matthies at the Stanford Center for Teaching and Learning, and how asking better questions can transform your thinking, your conversations, and your opportunities. Many people walk into interviews, meetings, and important conversations assuming that they need the right answers. But often, the real advantage comes from asking the right questions. When you walk in with a question strategy, two powerful things happen: you learn more, and you get others talking. And people like to talk! Earlier in the series, we introduced Expositors (asking for definitions, examples, types, parts, etc.) as a method for quickly deepining your understanding of any concept. Precision Questioning is the next step: using questions to engage effectively with people to not only accelerate your learning but to also build deeper connections. In this episode, we break down the seven types of Precision Questions and show how to use them in interviews, communication, and real-world decision making: Go / No-Go — Do we need this conversation? Clarification — What exactly do you mean? Assumptions — What are we assuming? Basic Critical Question — How do we know this is true? Causes — Why is this happening? Effects — What will likely happen? Action — What should we do next? These simple but powerful questions sharpen clarity, uncover hidden thinking, and move conversations forward. Whether you’re preparing for a job interview, leading a meeting, networking, or trying to understand a complex situation, better questions lead to better outcomes. Why this matters: Great communication is not just about speaking clearly or using an impressive vocabulary. It’s about asking effective questions. Precision questioning improves learning, decision-making, and even can impove your professional relationships. Now It's Your Turn This week, use at least three precision questions in a real conversation related to your professional life. This might be a job interview, a meeting at work, a networking event, or a call with a prospect or client. Just observe how the depth and direction of the conversation changes. Because when you ask better questions, conversations deepen. And when conversations deepen, relationships and opportunities grow. And as always, if you try out some of these questions, post a comment! Or better yet, ask one of the seven questions from today's episode, and we'll get a conversation going!

  4. Apr 1

    Episode 10: Weak Ties - Making Opportunities Happen

    Where do real opportunities actually come from? In this episode, Ben builds on Lewin’s Force Field (removing restraining forces) and Flow (momentum once you begin) to explore one of the most powerful ideas from The Defining Decade by Meg Jay: Weak Ties. Many of us get stuck because of a hidden barrier: “I don’t know anyone.” But opportunities rarely come from filling out applications alone. They often emerge through conversations, connections, and relationships, especially through weak ties, people you only sort of know who live in different circles and bring new information, new connections, and new possibilities. Ben explains the difference between strong ties and weak ties, why most people hesitate to reach out, and why people are often more willing to help than you think. He also shares a personal story about how simply asking for a meeting led to a connection with Sandia National Labs and ultimately to an NSF-funded paid internship with roughly a 1% acceptance rate. This episode introduces a practical, repeatable tool to remove the barrier “I don’t know anyone,” create movement, expand your world, and open unexpected doors. Because opportunity often grows through people, NOT just applications. Now, It's Your Turn Apply Weak Ties Step 1 — Identify Two Strong Ties Choose two people you trust: A close friend A mentor A professor A family member Step 2 — Ask Each for One Weak Tie Say something like: “I’m exploring an area I’m interested in and would love to learn more. Do you know someone I could talk with briefly to understand that field better?” Now you have two weak ties. Step 3 — Set Up a Conversation Best option: Meet for coffee or lunch in person If not possible: Schedule a phone or video call Step 4 — Prepare to Listen This is not about asking for a job. This is an informational conversation. Prepare 3–5 questions such as: How did you get into this field? What surprised you early in your career? What would you recommend someone explore first? What skills matter most here? Step 5 — Be Clear About Your Intention Let them know: You are guided by your values You are trying to learn and grow You wanted to connect to understand the field better When the conversation comes from genuine curiosity and values, it often leads to meaningful insight — and sometimes unexpected opportunities. Step 6 — Keep the Momentum Going After the conversation: Reflect on what you learned Send a thank-you note Ask if there is someone else they recommend you speak with Please share a comment if this exercise works for you or if you've already done it and succeeded (way to go!), share your story and tips so others can benefit!

  5. Mar 25

    Episode 9: Flow -- The Matrix

    Take your 20s to the next level. Learn how to shift your life into a flow state that can enable exponential growth in a positive direction and connect you to other people. In Episode 1, we introduced critical reflection as a practical skill to slow down, notice what’s actually happening, and realign your actions with what matters. This episode takes that idea into daily life. Instead of asking “Did I make the right decision?” We ask a different question: How do I experience the life I already have? Drawing on the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow, we explore why two people can do the exact same job under the same conditions—and have completely different experiences. The job doesn’t change. The experience does. In this episode, you’ll learn: What flow actually is (and why humans spend more time out of it than we realize) Why quality of life isn’t just about big decisions, but daily engagement How small changes in challenge, feedback, ownership, and connection can radically shift how work feels You’ll also be introduced to a practical framework that I recently invented. I call it the 3×2 Flow Matrix, which looks at: Flow / Productive Flow / Non-Productive Non-Flow …across two dimensions: Alone Connected Using the same three-step critical reflection process from Episode 1 -- Assess, Critique, Re-Align -- you’ll map where your time and energy actually go in a typical week, and identify small, realistic shifts that can improve your experience without a total life overhaul. This episode is especially for you if: You feel like you made a “reasonable” decision but aren’t enjoying it You’re productive but drained You’re busy but not engaged You’re waiting for the next decision to magically fix everything Clear thinking for better choices isn’t just about choosing the right path. It’s about learning how to engage with the path you’re already on. Now It’s Your Turn Take 5–10 minutes and map your recent experiences using the Flow Matrix (3×2). Draw a grid with 3 rows: FLOW — Productive NOT FLOW FLOW — Not Productive And 2 columns: Alone  |  Connected Step 1 — Awareness Write down 1–2 activities from the past week that fit into each of the six boxes. Then estimate the rough amount of time you spent in each box. Step 2 — Critique Now step back and notice: Which boxes feel good — energizing, meaningful, moving you forward? Which boxes feel bad — draining, distracting, or misaligned? Step 3 — Realign Pick one “good” box where you want to spend more time. Now choose one activity from a “bad” box and commit to reducing or removing it and reallocating that time into your chosen “good” box. Small, intentional shifts in where your time goes can dramatically change how your days feel and how your life moves forward. If this reflection gives you a new insight, share it in the comments!   Resources *Link to Flow Book: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/flow-mihaly-csikszentmihalyi?variant=32118048686114

  6. Mar 20

    Coming Next - Episode 9: The Flow Matrix

    In this short preview, Ben introduces an upcoming episode on Flow -- the state of focused, energized engagement where work and life feel more natural and fulfilling. Using a simple story from everyday life, he explores how our experience of the same activity can shift dramatically depending on our level of engagement. In the full episode, Ben will introduce the Flow Matrix, inspired by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, and show how you can use it to become more productive, enjoy your daily activities more, and move your life in a positive direction.

  7. Mar 18

    Episode 8: Use the Force to Make Change Happen

    Ever swear this is the week you’ll finally change - start working out, apply for jobs, quit a bad habit - only to find yourself right back where you started? Most people blame laziness or lack of motivation. Kurt Lewin would say that’s the wrong diagnosis. This episode explores Lewin’s Force Field Theory, a simple but powerful model from social psychology that explains why change is so hard and why pushing yourself harder usually doesn’t work.  Lewin was "using the force" even before Yoda. Lewin showed that behavior is held in place by two opposing forces: Driving forces pushing you toward change Restraining forces pulling you back to the status quo The key insight? Lasting change doesn’t come from adding more motivation; it comes from reducing the forces that are holding you in place. Lewin would agree with Vadar that one should never "underestimate the power of the Dark Side!" We start with Lewin’s classic example of quitting smoking, then apply the same framework to a situation many college seniors and recent grads may encounter: wanting to start applying for jobs, but feeling blocked from getting started. You’ll learn how fear of commitment, perfectionism, overwhelm, identity uncertainty, and rejection avoidance can conspire to block progress and how to reducing those forces can make it easier to take action. You’ll also hear how Lewin’s model helps overcome “static friction” so you can get started on making the change you want to bring to your world. And, we'll see why removing blockers matters more than you might think. Ben guides you through a reflection exercise to map your own force field and identify the one restraining force you can start reducing today. So... Now It’s Your Turn Think about a change you want to make in your life, something you’ve been considering but haven’t fully acted on yet. Take 5–10 minutes and map your Force Field. Draw a line down the middle of a page. On one side, list the Driving Forces pushing you toward the change. On the other side, list the Restraining Forces holding you back. Now look closely at the restraining side: What is the primary restraining force? Can you remove it entirely, or at least reduce it? If so, see whether reducing that barrier makes the change easier to move forward. If this exercise helps you see your situation more clearly or make change happen, post a comment!   Resources: To see Lewin’s original Force Field concept visually with the classic smoking example, watch this short explanation: Force Field Analysis by Kurt Lewin (visual explanation) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gMctSxpZCE This video illustrates the key idea that behavior stays stable because driving and restraining forces are in equilibrium, and that meaningful change often happens by reducing the forces that hold the current state in place.

  8. Mar 11

    Episode 7: Accelerate Your Learning with “Expositors”

    Clear thinking starts with knowing how you learn. If you’ve been listening from the beginning, you know The 20-Something Toolkit is about making better choices through clearer thinking. Up to now, we’ve focused on decisions. In this episode, we shift gears and zoom in on something even more foundational: learning how to learn. Most people ask vague questions like “What is this?” and then wonder why they still feel confused. In this episode, Ben explains why that question might take you off track and lead to a waste of everyone's time. He introduces a powerful alternative: expositors. Expositors are structured ways into understanding an idea. They help you: ask better questions get a deep understaning of any difficult concept get unstuck faster Using a simple geometry example (polygons), Ben introduces 10 expositors: definitions, examples, non-examples, types, parts, stories, and why something matters. He shows why relying on just one (usually examples) leads to shallow understanding. Then things get real. In the second half of the episode, Ben applies the same learning framework to a high-stakes, real-world concept 20-somethings wrestle "GRADUATE SCHOOL." Specifically, he dives into “graduate psychology degrees.” By digging into a vague concept with multiple expositors, you’ll see how dramatically different programs, paths, costs, and outcomes can hide behind the same words. This episode will help you: move beyond “What is this?” questions learn complex ideas faster and more deeply avoid expensive misunderstandings in school, work, and life take ownership of what you learn and why   Now It’s Your Turn Learn about a challenging concept that is important to you! And, reflect on HOW YOUR LEARN! 1-Choose. Pick a concept you want to learn about this week. 2-List Expositors. Take 5–10 minutes (or even less if using ChatGPT!) to write out the answers to as many of the expositors as you can: Formal Definition, Operational Definition, Example, Not an Example, Borderline Example, Types, Parts, Etymology, Story, and Why it Matters. 3-Reflect. Notice which expositor helps you understand the concept most deeply and which do not help that much at all.  If this exercise helps you uncover a hidden gap, or leads to a powerful question, share your story in the comments!

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About

Start with You explores how people at any stage — college, mid-career, or the next chapter — build the three legs of the clarity stool: What You Bring, What You Need, What You Can Do. Each episode focuses on a simple but powerful idea: Get Clarity Before You Commit. You’ll learn how to: • Clarify your values and strengths, and see the picture your life has already drawn • Evaluate opportunities more effectively, and create options not on the menu • Find the work you love Each episode ends with a practical exercise: “Now it’s your turn.” The show originally launched as the 20-Something Toolkit, then became Identity Blueprint. It’s now Start with You — because that’s what it was always about. Get your free blueprint at benlamorte.com

Information

  • Creator
    Ben Lamorte
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    18
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Start with You Podcast