Trauma Pastor Show

jessica

Healing starts now on the Trauma Pastor show with author and speaker, Jessica Gaffney, a multi state licensed therapist, working with trauma and all its tentacles. If your life is on the rocks, Jessica brings healing through education, life experience and spirituality to those living in difficult marriages, high conflict divorces, domestic violence, moody teens, all while managing her own PTSD and live interviews.  Humor is huge part of the show! 

Episodes

  1. Feb 27

    The Controller, How to Unplug from a Coercive Personality

    Why do boundaries feel so hard when you are dealing with a controlling person? In this episode, Jess explores the psychology of the Controller and why controlling behavior can feel especially powerful to those whose boundaries were broken in childhood. If you have ever frozen, overexplained, doubted yourself, or felt guilty for saying no, this episode will help you understand why. You will learn how Controllers often respond to limits with pressure, guilt, dismissal, confusion, or escalation, and why those patterns can pull listeners back into old survival responses. This conversation is not just about toxic behavior. It is about healing the deeper wounds that made control feel familiar in the first place. Jess unpacks the connection between childhood boundary violations and adult relationship patterns, helping listeners recognize that their struggle with boundaries is not weakness. It is often the result of early conditioning that taught them to stay small, stay quiet, or keep the peace at any cost. This episode offers insight, validation, and practical next steps for rebuilding trust in your own voice. In this episode, you’ll hear: what controlling behavior looks like in close relationshipswhy boundaries can feel so painful or confusinghow childhood trauma shapes adult compliance and self-doubtwhy pushback does not mean your boundary was wronghow healing begins by honoring what you see and feelIf boundaries have felt impossible, this episode will remind you that your reactions make sense, your voice matters, and control is not love.

    27 min
  2. Feb 24

    Control, Childhood Wounds, and Boundaries

    This episode focuses on the Controller and why control feels so powerful and confusing to someone whose boundaries were broken in childhood. The main idea is that a controlling partner often activates old survival patterns that were already there. Segment 1: What a Controller does The Controller has a hard time tolerating another person’s limits, disagreement, preferences, or independence. Instead of relating, they pressure, interrupt, dismiss, redefine reality, punish distance, and reward compliance. Boundaries feel threatening to them because they experience them as loss of power. Segment 2: Why control hooks the listener so deeply This is where the episode gets strong. It explains that when a child’s boundaries were ignored, they learned to adapt rather than resist. In adulthood that can look like: freezingself-doubtguiltover-explainingapologizinglosing touch with what they actually feelOne of the key ideas we built was: The controlling partner does not create the wound. They discover where it already lives. Segment 3: What healing looks like The listener learns that boundaries may feel wrong at first, but that does not mean they are wrong. Guilt, grief, fear, and second-guessing are part of the healing process. The goal is not just to say no, but to rebuild the self. Important healing points: trust your own perceptionstop negotiating your realitytolerate another person’s displeasureremember survival is not consentpractice short, steady boundaries

    27 min
4.7
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

Healing starts now on the Trauma Pastor show with author and speaker, Jessica Gaffney, a multi state licensed therapist, working with trauma and all its tentacles. If your life is on the rocks, Jessica brings healing through education, life experience and spirituality to those living in difficult marriages, high conflict divorces, domestic violence, moody teens, all while managing her own PTSD and live interviews.  Humor is huge part of the show!