Living Midlife Well Podcast

Janine Lattimore

Helping people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. janinelattimore.substack.com

  1. 6d ago

    Why Is It So Hard to Make Decisions? One Question That Makes Every Choice Easier

    Do you constantly overthink decisions or worry about making the “right” choice? If so, the problem may not be that you’re bad at making decisions. It may simply be that you’re asking the wrong question. In this episode of the Living Midlife Well Podcast, I explore why decision-making becomes so much harder in midlife and why trying to find the one “right” answer can leave us mentally exhausted, anxious and stuck in overthinking. I’ll share a simple question that has completely changed the way I make decisions and explain how shifting from externally driven decisions to internally aligned decisions can help you find greater clarity, confidence and inner peace. In this episode you’ll discover:• Why decision-making often feels harder in midlife• Why searching for the “right” decision creates overthinking and drains your energy• The difference between decisions driven by obligation and decisions driven by self-love• How your head and heart process decisions differently• The science behind the heart-brain connection and heart-brain coherence• One simple question that can make difficult decisions feel clearer and easier If you’ve ever found yourself asking:“What should I do?”“What if I make the wrong decision?”“How do I stop overthinking?” ...then this episode is for you. 💛 Just One Thing This week, try asking yourself: “What would I do if I truly loved myself?” Notice what changes when you begin your decision-making from a place of self-love rather than obligation. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe and leave a comment. It really helps support the channel and allows more people to discover these simple ideas for creating a calmer, happier and more meaningful life. 🌿 Living Midlife Well – Helping you slow down, feel better and enjoy life more—one simple step at a time. Like what you’re reading? Subscribe to Living Midlife Well and get the same great content delivered straight to your inbox! Transcription If you find yourself overthinking every decision, second-guessing yourself or constantly wondering whether you’re making the “right” choice, you’re in good company and there is nothing wrong with you. Decision-making can be difficult especially in midlife as careers, relationships, family responsibilities and life changes all demand your energy and consideration. If you find it challenging to make the right choice then the real problem may not be that you are bad at making decisions. It may simply be that you are asking the wrong question. One simple shift in the question you ask yourself can cut through the mental noise, help you stop overthinking and enable you to make decisions that feel calmer, clearer and more aligned with who you truly are. Kia ora and hello, welcome to the Living Midlife Well podcast. I’m Janine Lattimore, a wellbeing coach here to help people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. Today we’re talking about something that affects every single one of us, but especially those of us in midlife. Making decisions. Some decisions are small and simple. Others have the potential to change the direction of our lives. Whether it’s deciding about a career change, a relationship, setting boundaries with family, looking after our health, or simply deciding how we want to spend our time, making decisions can sometimes feel exhausting. So let’s explore why that is. Making decisions can be hard, especially in our forties and fifties. We experience having to make choices and decisions throughout our lives, but midlife can be a significant crossroads for many people. We can be faced with some big questions and choices about our career, our relationships, our children, our finances and our future. In addition to that, many of us in midlife are feeling a shift or loss in our identity. Children leaving home, career changes, menopause, divorce or ageing can all prompt the question, “Who am I now?” And without a clear sense of self, decisions can feel even harder. After years of caring for children, partners or ageing parents and/or giving a large part of yourself to your work, you may have become disconnected from your own desires and don’t even know what you want anymore. On top of that, most people don’t just want to make good decisions. They want to make the right decision. We can feel even more pressure to do this in midlife when we have children relying on us, bills to pay and the weight of past mistakes sitting on our shoulders. As a result, we go into a mental battleground of conditioned beliefs, trying to identify the one right and perfect answer. We ask ourselves: What should I do? What would other people do? What are the pros and cons? What if I make the wrong choice? What if I fail? What if I disappoint someone? What if people judge me? What if I miss out on something? Does any of that sound familiar? I confess... I like to get things right, do things right and have things done right. I have perfectionist tendencies and often like to control how things are done so that they are done well. On the flip side of that, I grew up very sensitive to doing the wrong thing or getting things wrong. Having a very critical father probably helped instil that fear in me, but there are personality and neuro-type traits that feed into all this as well. In many ways these are helpful patterns of behaviour. I can be relied on to do a good job. I am conscientious and I complete things to a high standard. But then there is the downside. The almost constant underlying anxiety. Regularly pushing myself to the point of burnout. Finding it hard to settle if things are messy, undone or out of place. Yes... I am a recovering control freak. And because of that, I understand the need to get things right and the fear of making the wrong choice or decision. One of the pieces of life wisdom that I learned in my forties was that rightness is subjective. It is a constantly moving target. When you aim to get everything right, the only thing you are guaranteed to get is stressed. Life is messy. It is unstructured. It isn’t black and white. There is very little, if anything, in life that is absolutely right or wrong. Even the laws of the land sometimes need to bend to meet particular circumstances. Which brings us to the question most of us ask whenever we’re faced with a decision. “What is the right thing to do?” We may frame it in different ways. “What’s the responsible thing to do?” “What’s the best thing to do?” “What should I do?” But underneath, they’re all asking exactly the same thing. And if you’re anything like me, that question leads to a back-and-forth mental debate that can be completely exhausting as we wrestle with trying to work out the right choice. There are two reasons trying to make the right decision is so hard. And that’s what I’d like to explore next. The first is quite simple. As I mentioned earlier, the goalpost of what is right isn’t fixed. It moves with different people, different situations and different perspectives. There is no one objectively right decision... ever. So, if you’re trying to find the one perfect answer, you’ll often find yourself going round and round in circles. You toss ideas around in your mind. You argue with yourself. You look at every angle. Then you look at every angle again. It’s exhausting because you’re trying to solve a problem that doesn’t actually have one universally correct answer. But there’s a second reason making decisions can feel so difficult. And I think this one is even more important. What your head thinks is right and what your heart thinks is right are often two different things. That’s usually why you feel resistance to a particular thought or decision. Your heart is connecting to something different. Now, when I say your head and your heart, I’m not suggesting they’re in conflict with one another. In fact, I think they’re on the same team. They simply have different strategies. Your head operates in terms of logic, rationality and patterns. It wants to follow established pathways. It wants to make sense of things. It wants to do what is logically right and fit within the systems we’ve learned to live by. Your heart is different. I believe it is connected to your soul and to the wisdom and intelligence of your body. It doesn’t present you with pages of analysis. Instead, it usually offers one simple knowing. One quiet truth. I sometimes picture it like this. Your heart sits quietly in the centre, connected to both the earth beneath you and something greater above you, gently speaking one clear message. Meanwhile your head runs around your heart like an energetic dog, stopping to sniff every possibility, trying to work everything out and trying to keep everybody happy. It’s quite a funny image... ...but for me it captures exactly what overthinking feels like. Your heart knows that obligation and “shoulds” are not your truth. It holds your truth. Now, before we go any further, I want to be really clear about something. This doesn’t mean there is no place for logical and rational thinking. Of course there is. Logic is incredibly valuable. Reason is important. Planning is important. What I’m suggesting is something slightly different. Rather than starting with logic... start with truth. Instead of beginning with, “What is the right thing to do?” begin with, “What is true for me?” Once you know that, your logical mind becomes a wonderful tool for helping you work out how to make it happen. So let me share one simple practice that has transformed decision-making for me. When I do this, I find that it cuts through all the overthinking and noise around making a choice or decision and my path forward becomes clear. It is not always the easiest path, which is why our b

  2. Jul 17

    #16 How to Stop Feeling Rushed

    Do you ever feel like you’ve run a marathon before the day has even begun? If you’ve been wishing you had more time, this episode may change the way you think about your day. The truth is, most of us don’t actually need more hours—we need to feel less rushed and more intentional with the time we already have. In this episode of Living Midlife Well, I share the simple morning intention-setting practice I use every day to reduce overwhelm, clarify my priorities and create a calmer, more meaningful day. You’ll discover: • Why feeling rushed isn’t really about time• A simple mindset shift from “spending” time to “investing” time• Why traditional planning doesn’t work for everyone• The benefits of sequence planning instead of rigid time schedules• The four morning questions that help me feel calmer, more focused and more in control The Four Morning Questions * How do I want to feel today and what do I want to embody? * How am I going to nourish myself today? * What am I going to do for fun or enjoyment today? * What is most important to me today? This week’s Just One Thing is simple: Before you look at your phone tomorrow morning, ask yourself: “How do I want to feel today and what do I want to embody?” I’d love to hear how this practice works for you, so please leave a comment below. If you enjoyed this episode, please Like, Subscribe and Share. Your support helps more people discover Living Midlife Well and encourages me to keep creating practical tools to help you slow down, feel better and enjoy life more. Thank you so much for listening. Discover more about my book The Great Life Planner Aroha nui, much love, Janine Living Midlife WellHelping you slow down, feel better and enjoy life more—one simple step at a time. Living Midlife Well is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Transcript Have you ever felt like you’ve run a marathon before you’ve even got to work in the morning? I used to, almost every day I often felt like I was juggling multiple things and doing everything in a hurry just to get out the door in the morning. And when you start the day that way, you tend to carry on that way for the rest of it... until you finally collapse into bed at night with a brain that’s still whirring. I would often find myself thinking, “I wish I had more time.” Or perhaps, “I wish I had less to do.” Or ideally... both. I longed to get off the running wheel of life that I constantly found myself spinning on. But here’s what I’ve realised. What we really mean when we say, “I wish I had more time,” is usually one of two things. We want to feel less rushed. Or we want more opportunity to do the things we genuinely want to do. Today I’d like to share a simple morning intention-setting practice that addresses both of those desires because they’re actually closely linked. It’s a practice that can reduce overwhelm, clarify your priorities, and help create a calmer and more meaningful day. Kia ora and hello, welcome to the Living Midlife Well podcast. I’m Janine Lattimore, a wellbeing coach here to help people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. Today we’re talking about how to feel like you have more time and feel less rushed Now time itself is a fixed commodity. None of us gets more than twenty-four hours in a day. What we can control is how we perceive and use the time we have. We can prioritise and manage our time in ways that help us feel like we have more time for ourselves, for the people we care about, and for the things that matter most. One idea that’s really helped me is to think of time as a valuable currency, in a similar way to how we think about money. We already talk about spending time. But what if we started thinking about investing time instead? It’s only a small change in language, but I think it creates a really positive shift in how we value our time and the choices we make with it. So today, I’d like to give you a planning tool. Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. “Planning just takes more time.” And when your head is swirling with that invisible load of everything that needs doing, it’s tempting to skip the planning and jump straight into action. The trouble is, when we do that, we’re stepping straight out of bed and onto the fast-moving treadmill of life, spending the day in constant reacting mode. I’ve found that planning actually gives you energy as well as organising your time. It can reduce decision fatigue and stop you giving your energy to tasks that aren’t really important or satisfying. It can give you a map. A plan for living your day in a way that feels purposeful, flowing and satisfying. That feeling of being rushed is usually created by overwhelm. It’s that awareness of all the things we need to do, without any real clarity about how we’re going to do all of them. Planning helps create that clarity. Now, perhaps you’re listening and thinking, “I’ve tried planning tools before, and they didn’t work for me.” Maybe they simply organised your overwhelm instead of reducing it. Or perhaps they actually added to it. The planning process I use is quite unique compared to most others because it starts from a very different premise. The complete framework and planning templates are in my book, The Great Life Planner. But what I’m sharing with you today is the simplified version that I currently use every day. It’s enough to get you started, and if you enjoy it and want to explore the framework more deeply, the book goes into much greater detail. There are two main differences in the way I plan my days. The first is the questions I ask myself. The second is that I don’t plan using a rigid timetable. Instead, I use what I call a sequence schedule. I decide the order I’ll do things in rather than exactly what time I’ll do them. Now, I’m not saying this is the right approach for everyone. It’s simply what works best for me but I am giving it to you as an idea you may like to try. Whenever I tried scheduling every task into a specific time slot, I usually found it hard to stick to Life would happen, things would change, and I’d end up feeling stressed and dissatisfied. Planning by sequence feels much freer to me. I simply focus on doing the most important things first. Then I know that if I accomplish those priorities, everything else I achieve during the day is almost a bonus. Working this way helps me move through the day with a much greater sense of flow. And at the end of the day, instead of focusing on everything I didn’t get done, I feel satisfied because the things that mattered most have already been taken care of. As I said, the second difference is the questions I ask myself. There are 4 key ones that I reflect on every morning: The first question is: How do I want to feel today, and what do I want to embody? How you feel is the energy you bring into your day. Most people don’t think about their emotional state as something they can intentionally create. Instead, feelings become reactions to whatever happens throughout the day. But taking a moment each morning to decide what emotional energy you want to bring, and who or what you want to embody, sets the tone for your entire day. It puts you into an intentional, proactive state instead of a reactive one. And the energy you’re in influences both how you interact with the world and, I believe, what you draw back from it. The second question is: How am I going to nourish myself today? This question prompts you to consciously plan some self-care into your day. It might simply be your usual healthy habits. Or it might be recognising that today you need something extra. As you answer this question, I encourage you to pause and quietly ask yourself, “What do I need today?” Regular self-care habits are wonderful. But it’s equally important to recognise when life is asking something different of you. The third question is: What am I going to do for fun or enjoyment today? This is one that people often overlook. Yet enjoyment and fun are every bit as important as self-care. That feeling of not having enough time is often connected with not having enough play, creativity and pleasure in your life. Over time that creates dissatisfaction. Life begins to feel harder than it really needs to. It’s important for your wellbeing to have regular things that you genuinely enjoy and can look forward to. I’d also encourage you to include activities that go beyond simply watching television or playing a favourite video game. Those things are okay. But if they’re your only source of enjoyment, you’re mostly consuming rather than actively engaging with life. Things like Creating. Learning. Exploring. And Expressing yourself. Are things that nourish you deeply and leave you feeling energised over the long term. And finally, the fourth question: What is most important to me today? This question helps me identify just one to three priorities for the day. And those become the things I intentionally choose to focus on. Limiting it to one, two or three priorities makes your to-do list feel achievable instead of overwhelming. And ticking those things off is all you really “have” to do today. So whenever possible, I do those things first. Then whatever else I accomplish during the day feels like extra credit. Creating more time isn’t really about getting more hours in the day. it’s about changing the way we think about the time we already have. You can’t get more time, but you can reclaim your time. When we intentionally plan moments of self-care... When we intentionally include enjoyment... When we consciously choose our priorities... We don’t just get those things done. We begin to feel like we have t

  3. Jul 10

    #15 No Time to Exercise? Try This

    How can you stay fit when you don’t have time to exercise? If you’re in your forties or fifties and struggle to fit regular workouts into your busy schedule, then this may be the solution you are looking for. In this episode of the Living Midlife Well Podcast, I explore the science behind exercise snacking—the simple practice of adding short bursts of movement throughout your day instead of relying on long gym sessions. You’ll discover why our bodies may be better suited to frequent movement than occasional workouts, what the latest research says about exercise snacking, and why this approach may be especially beneficial in midlife. In this episode you’ll learn: ✔️ What exercise snacking is✔️ Why short movement breaks can be as effective as longer workouts✔️ The science behind exercise snacking✔️ How exercise snacking supports heart health, blood sugar and healthy ageing✔️ Why consistency matters more than workout length✔️ Why exercise changes after forty✔️ How hormones influence the way your body responds to exercise✔️ Simple exercise snack ideas you can start using today Whether you’re balancing work, family, caring responsibilities, or simply find traditional workouts difficult to maintain, this episode offers a practical and realistic approach to staying active without adding more pressure to your life. Remember: The best exercise isn’t necessarily what’s scientifically perfect—it’s what you’ll actually do consistently. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, and leave a comment. It really helps support the podcast and allows more people to discover practical, science-backed ways to improve their health and wellbeing. Thank you so much for listening. Aroha nui, much love, Janine Lattimore Living Midlife Well PodcastHelping you reduce stress, restore your energy, and create a healthier, happier life in midlife. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Free subscribers receive my weekly article and podcast. Paid subscribers also receive access to a monthly 20 minute wellbeing session video or audio and a monthly live group coaching call with me. Transcript Do you ever think “I know I should exercise more, but I just don’t have the time...” What if staying fit didn’t require hours at the gym? What if improving your physical health could be as simple as sprinkling short bursts of movement throughout your day? In this episode, we’re talking about a concept that I have been actively practicing for the last few years and it challenges one of the biggest assumptions many of us have about exercise. It’s something called exercise snacking and I’ll be talking about what it is, why it works, what the science says about it, and why it may be especially beneficial for those of us in midlife. Kia ora and hello, welcome to the Living Midlife Well podcast. I’m Janine Lattimore, a wellbeing writer and coach here to help people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. Let’s begin by talking about why it is It So Hard to Find Time to Exercise in your forties and fifties Between demanding jobs, family responsibilities, caring for aging parents, and managing a home, midlife can feel like a constant juggling act. And when time is short, exercise is often the first thing to disappear from your daily to-do list. The gym session gets skipped. The yoga class is postponed. The lunchtime walk or run quietly falls off the calendar. Most of us know that regular physical activity is essential for our health, energy, and wellbeing, but unlike missing a work deadline or taking a rain check on picking up our kids from school, there are no immediate consequences for skipping a workout. Sometimes, it’s not even that we have an actual shortage of time, but rather a perceived one. Stress and overwhelm narrow our thinking and increase our sense of time being scarce. Psychologically, setting aside an hour or more to go to a fitness session can feel completely unmanageable. Added to that can be the fact that you find long exercise sessions hard, boring, or both, and suddenly you have even more reason to strike them from your daily schedule. But if you’ve ever wondered how to stay fit when you don’t have time to work out, perhaps the problem isn’t your motivation. Perhaps it’s the way we’ve been taught to think about exercise. If not having time to exercise is a consistent problem for you, then exercise snacking could be the solution. Exercise snacking is simply the practice of including short bursts of activity throughout your day. These movement breaks can last anywhere from one to ten minutes and can be surprisingly simple. For example: You might go for a short walk around the block after lunch. Do a set of hand weight exercises every thirty to forty minutes while working at your computer. Complete a short yoga flow sequence as part of your morning routine. Spend a few minutes on a stationary bike, mini tramp, or stair climber. Vacuum one section of the house in between sitting tasks. Take the stairs instead of the lift. Or play active games with your family in the evening. None of these activities take a huge amount of time. But when you add them together, they create a very different pattern of movement throughout your day. And that’s where things start to get really interesting. When we think about exercise today, most of us picture a gym, a fitness class, a run, or some kind of structured workout. But if you zoom out and look at human history, that’s actually a very modern way of thinking about physical activity. Doing short bursts of movement throughout the day is much closer to how people traditionally engaged with exercise. The idea of setting aside a dedicated hour for fitness is a modern concept and construct—and possibly not the healthiest one. The human body evolved engaging in lifestyle-based activity throughout the day. Walking. Running. Digging. Hunting. Climbing trees. Climbing hills. Carrying things. Using a wide variety of muscles regularly as part of everyday life. Interestingly, the longest-lived populations in the world still tend to live this way. They often walk as their main form of transport. They do outdoor work. They complete household chores manually. Movement is naturally woven into daily life for them. Compare that to how many of us in cities live today. We use elevators and escalators instead of stairs. We drive instead of walk. We use dishwashers and washing machines instead of washing things by hand. We buy food rather than growing it. We hire people to complete tasks around the house that previous generations would have done themselves. Most of us sit to do our jobs. Then sit for our leisure activities. Then sit some more. And after all that sitting, we try to compensate by squeezing in an hour-long workout a few times a week—or maybe just once a week. When you look at it that way, it starts to seem a little strange. Our bodies evolved for frequent movement, not occasional workouts. And that’s why I find exercise snacking so fascinating. It’s not introducing something new. In many ways, it’s helping us return to a pattern of movement that our bodies already understand. And as you’ll hear in a moment, the benefits go far beyond simply making exercise easier to fit into a busy schedule. In the next part of this episode, we’ll explore the benefits of exercise snacking, what the research says about its impact on your health, and why short bursts of movement may be just as effective as longer workout sessions. So now that we’ve talked about what exercise snacking is, let’s look at why it works so well. One of the biggest advantages is simply that it’s realistic. It fits into real life rather than expecting real life to fit around it. Exercise snacking takes much less time than going to the gym or a fitness class. Instead of trying to carve an hour or more out of your already busy day, you simply incorporate movement into the day you’re already living. Those shorter bursts of activity bring a couple of other benefits too. They’re much less likely to become boring because they’re over so quickly, and they’re much easier to motivate yourself to do because they only take a few minutes. I haven’t been to a gym or regular exercise class since I was a group fitness instructor about seven years ago. Since then, I’ve been meeting my physical wellbeing needs through exercise snacks, movement throughout the day and active leisure. For example, my main recreational activity is going for long outdoor walks, and I also love to dance. I live a very full life, and trying to fit in an hour-long fitness session several times a week feels challenging to me—not only because of the time, but also because of all the overthinking that goes on in my head. You might recognise this internal conversation... “I really should go.” “But I don’t actually feel like going.” “I know it’ll be good for me.” “But I have so many other things I need to do.” I think many of us have had that internal back-and-forth discussion with ourselves at some point. Exercise snacking takes away much of that mental negotiation because it feels achievable. Instead of asking yourself to find an hour, you’re simply asking yourself to move for a few minutes. And that feels very different. Another benefit that I’ve noticed from doing daily exercise snacking is that it gives me regular brain breaks. They’re moments where my mind can wander and process freely. Sometimes they’re almost like a white-noise break if I’m counting repetitions or focusing on a simple movement. I’ve found that these short body and brain breaks actually make me more productive. Quite often, during one of these movement breaks, an idea suddenly comes to me. Or I’

  4. Jul 4

    #14 How to Deal with Difficult People in Midlife | 5 Ways to Protect Your Peace and Take Your Power Back

    Have you ever found yourself replaying a difficult conversation long after it ended? Whether it’s a family member, colleague, neighbour or friend, difficult people can leave us feeling emotionally drained, anxious and frustrated—especially during midlife, when our time and energy become more precious than ever. In this episode of Living Midlife Well, I’ll share five practical strategies to help you deal with difficult people without losing yourself in the process. We’ll explore how to identify your emotional triggers, protect your energy, set healthy boundaries, communicate more effectively, and develop the emotional resilience to respond with confidence instead of reacting from stress. This isn’t about changing difficult people. It’s about changing the way you experience difficult relationships. In this episode you’ll learn: • Why trying to change other people rarely works• How to identify your emotional triggers• Simple ways to protect your peace and emotional energy• Questions that can help defuse difficult conversations• How to set healthy boundaries without guilt• When it’s time to walk away from a relationship• Why personal growth is the key to healthier relationships If you’re navigating the challenges of midlife and want calmer, healthier relationships, I hope this episode gives you practical tools and a fresh perspective. Subscribe for more episodes on personal growth, emotional wellbeing, confidence, resilience and living your best midlife. I’d love to hear from you in the comments. What’s one strategy that has helped you deal with difficult people? Until next time… Keep Living Midlife Well. Read the full article here Learn more about the Mirror and Affirm communication process in my guide: Stop Absorbing Other People’s Problems: Two Phrases That Help Without Burning You Out To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Free subscribers receive my weekly article and podcast. Paid subscribers also receive access to a monthly 20 minute wellbeing session video or audio and a monthly live group coaching call with me. Transcript Have you ever found yourself lying awake at night replaying a conversation with someone who pushed your buttons and left you feeling rattled and unsettled? Maybe it’s a family member who always has an opinion, a difficult colleague, a neighbour, an ex-partner, your teenage children, or someone who seems to leave you feeling emotionally exhausted every time you interact with them. As we move into midlife there is often a lot of shifting going on in our relationships, and within ourselves. We tend to have less patience for unnecessary drama, we’re juggling more responsibilities, and we’re becoming increasingly aware of how precious our energy really is. So today I’d like to share five practical strategies that have helped me think differently about difficult people—strategies that can help you protect your peace, strengthen your boundaries and respond with confidence instead of reacting from stress. Kia ora and hello, welcome to the Living Midlife Well podcast. I’m Janine Lattimore, a wellbeing writer and coach here to help people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. Today we’re talking about something that every one of us encounters at some point... Difficult people. Are you dealing with a difficult person in your life? It may be a co-worker who is always getting in your face, a mother-in-law who loves to give you her advice, a rude neighbour, an unreasonable boss, or even a grumpy or defiant child or teenager. Midlife often brings greater self-awareness, but this time of transition can also bring more challenging relationships through things like changing family structures, marital separation, children becoming adults, and hormonal shifts reducing tolerance levels. Dealing with difficult people in midlife can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, anger, frustration and of being trapped in a situation you do not want to be in. It can also be a big drain on your energy. Learning how to deal with difficult people isn’t about changing their behaviour; it’s about strengthening your own emotional resilience, setting healthy boundaries, and responding with confidence instead of reacting from stress or frustration. In today’s episode I’ll share five practical strategies to help you manage difficult people in midlife, protect your energy, communicate more effectively, and create healthier, more peaceful relationships while continuing your own journey of personal growth. But before we jump into those five strategies, I think it’s important to lay a foundation. There are two mindset shifts that make every other strategy much more effective. The first is this... Focus on what you can control. You can only control your own thoughts, feelings and behaviour, and you are responsible for your own thoughts, feelings and behaviour. The second is this... Remember that everyone can be difficult sometimes. Yes... even really nice people. Let’s look at each of these a little more closely. As soon as you start trying to control other people’s behaviour, then you are in trouble. It can be done through manipulation or force, but that is not really ethical, usually not overly effective, and it takes a lot of energy on your part to maintain the control. Most people don’t like being controlled or told what to do and will rebel against it in some way, or only do what they are told when someone else is putting pressure on them. Even asking yourself a question like, “Why are they doing this to me?” is putting your focus and energy on something you cannot answer or control. I love this quote from Pastor Daniel Fusco: “Control the knobs on your side of the wall.” It is such a great visual illustration of this concept You may think that it is the other person who is the problem and it is them that needs to change, but you may be surprised at how much effect it can have when you focus on your own thoughts, feelings and behaviour—the things you can actually control. Now here’s something else that I think is really important. As we reflect on our own behaviour, we can also note that sometimes we can be difficult to deal with too, usually without meaning to be. Ask any happily married couple and they’ll probably be able to name at least one habit or personality trait of their beloved that annoys or frustrates them. Our difficult traits don’t necessarily make us difficult people. And often what triggers you about someone else is more to do with your own likes, dislikes and wiring than it is about them. In the same way, someone exhibiting difficult behaviour may not be directing it personally at you. They could simply be stressed, frustrated, tired or feeling unwell. We all get grumpy and snap at people sometimes. Be open to trying to see why they may be behaving this way and, if they are going through something demanding, try to extend compassion while maintaining boundaries that protect you mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s important to remember that someone’s “why” is a reason—not an excuse. You can understand why someone behaves the way they do without deciding that their behaviour is acceptable. The purpose of understanding isn’t to excuse them. It’s to help you manage your own response rather than being drawn into an emotional reaction. Look at the other person through a lens of compassion and approach the situation as a puzzle to be solved rather than a threat to defend yourself against. Remember that everyone is doing the best they can from where they are and that not everything is about you. Ask yourself... What are they really trying to gain? What are they trying to avoid? If you feel able to, perhaps even ask them what’s going on for them and what they’re hoping for. Curiosity can open doors that judgement never could. There’s one more piece of groundwork before we get into the practical strategies. Reflecting on our own behaviour also means being honest and fair about the role we are playing in our interactions. Are you being difficult in some way? Are you asking more of the other person than they’re capable of giving? Have you clearly communicated your expectations? Are you tired or stressed? Are you escalating things without realising it? Are you taking responsibility for things that aren’t actually yours? These aren’t comfortable questions. But they are powerful ones. Because meaningful and lasting change begins when we become willing to look at our own side of the relationship. So with those two mindset shifts in place—focusing on what you can control, and approaching people with curiosity and compassion—let’s move into the five practical strategies. The first one is about understanding your own emotional triggers. This one can feel a little uncomfortable at first, but I genuinely believe it’s one of the most empowering. I’d like to begin with a quote from Abraham Hicks that really captures this idea. “The negative emotion you feel is not about what they’re doing, it’s about your perspective of what they are doing.” Whether or not you agree completely with that statement, I think there’s something valuable in it because it invites us to become curious about our own reactions. What we see or perceive in others is often a projection of our own beliefs, judgements, values and experiences. In Neuro Linguistic Programming, or NLP, this is referred to as perception is projection. If you find that someone else’s behaviour pushes your buttons and stimulates a strong emotional response in you, then it may be that their behaviour represents a characteristic you possess but wish you didn’t, something you fear, or perhaps something you don’t allow yourself to be or have. Now, I want to pause here be

  5. Jun 27

    Ep13: Stress and Hormones in Midlife: The Hidden Factor Nobody's Talking About

    Thank you for listening, I hope that you find this information helpful. To get your free copy of The 5-Minute Stress Reset Toolkit, sign-up here or via the subscribe button below. Transcript Kia ora and hello, welcome to the Living Midlife Well podcast. I’m Janine Lattimore, a wellbeing writer and coach here to help people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. Today we are diving into a topic that I think is one of the most important — and most overlooked — conversations in midlife health. We’re talking about stress and hormones, and specifically, the hidden role that chronic stress plays in making your midlife hormone experience so much harder than it needs to be. If you have ever felt like you’re doing everything right and still feeling terrible, or you’ve had tests come back clear but you know something is wrong, then this episode is for you. Stay with me — because by the end of this conversation, a lot of things are going to start making sense. When we start talking about hormones in midlife, most people think of women experiencing issues — but men, stay with me, because you experience hormone issues in midlife too. Just like the teenage years, midlife is a time of significant reproductive hormone shift for both male and female bodies. And as if dealing with this transition in your forties and fifties isn’t enough, stress frequently plays a big role in driving even more hormone havoc. The result: fatigue that won’t lift, belly fat that won’t shift, brain fog, mood swings, and disturbed sleep that doesn’t restore you. These aren’t just signs of getting older. They’re signs of a hormone system under stress — and once you understand how those two things are connected, you can begin to do something about it. So let’s start at the beginning and clarify the hormone transitions happening in your body during midlife — for both male and female bodies. In midlife, female bodies transition into perimenopause and then menopause. This transition can start as early as a person’s mid-thirties or as late as their mid-fifties, but the majority of women go through the transition from their late forties to early fifties. Essentially, it is the process of the female body ceasing to produce eggs for reproduction. It is commonly known that during this time, the female body begins to produce less estrogen and progesterone, the two key female hormones. What is less well known, is that as the ovaries gradually produce less estrogen and progesterone, the adrenal glands help compensate by producing precursor building blocks that the body then converts into a weaker form of estrogen. This is very important in the link between hormones and stress — which I will get to shortly. And now for the men. The chief male hormone is testosterone. In a male body, testosterone is at its highest level during adolescence and early adulthood. It starts to decline from about age thirty. For some men, the decline is gradual and changes aren’t very noticeable. For others, the decline accelerates in their forties and fifties and the shift is more dramatic. Many of the symptoms of male midlife hormone shifts are similar to females, such as fatigue and low energy; mood swings or depression — low testosterone can lead to changes in mood, making you more irritable, anxious, or prone to depression and what’s sometimes called “irritable male syndrome”. It can also cause brain fog, forgetfulness, and concentration issues — low levels of testosterone can affect the brain’s executive function and things like decision-making, focus, and memory. Declining levels of testosterone also causes loss of muscle mass and strength — lifting weights feels harder, and gains are harder to maintain; It also leads to weight gain, particularly around the midsection; and low libido and sexual dysfunction. Many of these symptoms are chalked up to being just general aging, but are actually connected to hormonal shifts or imbalances. The issues involved in a “midlife crisis” are likely to be physiological as well as psychological. Experiencing these symptoms is not “just part of aging” and is not inevitable. People in traditional cultures do not experience these symptoms of hormone change at midlife to the degree that most people in industrial cities do — so what is the difference? There are three main ones: a whole food versus a processed food diet, active versus sedentary lifestyles, and levels of stress. One of the key things that impacts our hormonal health is the level of stress we manage almost every moment of the day. Which brings me to the heart of today’s episode. How exactly does stress impact your hormones in midlife? And why does it matter so much more in your forties and fifties than it did before? Stress affects hormones in midlife more than most people realise, and more than most doctors discuss. During the hormonal transitions of your forties and fifties, chronic stress doesn’t just pile on top of what you’re already dealing with. It actively depletes the raw materials your body uses to make sex hormones, suppresses the signals that trigger their production, and makes your body far less able to regulate its own stress response. The result is a feedback loop where midlife hormone shifts make you more sensitive to stress, and stress makes your hormone symptoms worse. If you’re navigating midlife and wondering why everything feels harder than it should, this is a big part of why. During midlife, there is a natural decline in estrogen and progesterone in female bodies and testosterone in male bodies, which can cause a number of challenging physical symptoms. Stress lowers levels of these hormones even further and makes these symptoms worse. For women, the adrenal glands — which take over producing the building blocks for estrogen — are also responsible for producing cortisol, your primary stress hormone. If your body is dealing with chronic stress, the adrenals may prioritize making cortisol at the expense of sex hormone precursors, which can worsen perimenopausal and menopausal symptoms. Over and above this, stress has a more direct impact on one of the most common symptoms of menopause transition: hot flushes. Psychological stress causes the body to release norepinephrine, which narrows the thermoneutral zone — that’s the body’s comfort temperature range. As a result of this narrowing, even minor increases in core body temperature cause the brain to trigger a hot flash. For men, there are three issues. Firstly, both cortisol and testosterone require the same precursor — cholesterol — to be produced. During prolonged stress, your body prioritizes immediate survival and produces cortisol at the expense of testosterone. Secondly, elevated cortisol blocks testosterone from properly binding to target cells and tissue receptors, limiting its effect in the body. Thirdly, chronic stress and systemic inflammation can upregulate the enzyme aromatase, which accelerates the conversion of testosterone into estrogen and causes further hormone imbalance. Now I want to get really specific, because stress doesn’t just affect your hormones in one general way — it disrupts them through several distinct biological pathways. Here are Seven Ways Chronic Stress Hijacks Your Hormones in Midlife Number one. Stress depletes your body’s resources to make sex hormones. Sustained stress keeps cortisol elevated, which redirects the raw material your body uses to make estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and thyroid hormones — toward cortisol production instead. Number two. Stress reduces your body’s signalling to produce sex hormones. Elevated cortisol suppresses gonadotropin-releasing hormone which reduces the signals for estrogen and progesterone production. Number three. Stress interferes with thyroid hormone production. Elevated cortisol interferes with the conversion of T4 — the inactive thyroid hormone — to T3, which is the active form. It also increases reverse T3, which blocks T3 from doing its job. This is why people under chronic stress often develop symptoms that look like hypothyroidism such as fatigue, cold hands and feet, hair loss, and weight gain even when standard thyroid labs come back normal. Number four. Stress promotes food cravings and belly fat. Cortisol raises blood sugar, and chronic elevation can promote insulin resistance — which is a precursor to diabetes and metabolic syndrome. Abdominal fat gain, changes in appetite hormones, and excessive blood sugar highs and lows are all exacerbated by chronic stress. Number five. Stress promotes mood swings and brain fog. Cortisol influences neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine, and GABA which are chemicals that regulate your mood and cognition. Number six. Stress increases loss in bone density. Estrogen plays a vital role in bone remodelling, and as estrogen levels drop, the breakdown and reabsorption of bone outpaces bone formation. Testosterone is also a critical hormone for bone health in both male and female bodies. It stimulates bone-building cells and maintains bone mineral density. In male bodies, a significant portion of testosterone converts into estrogen, which is essential for preserving bone structure. In both male and female bodies, sustained high cortisol inhibits the cells that create new bone, accelerates bone breakdown, and reduces calcium absorption. And number seven. Stress makes you more sensitive to pain and muscle soreness. Chronically elevated cortisol sensitizes the nervous system. It lowers your pain threshold, prolongs physical recovery, and causes muscles to chronically tighten — increasing the risk of spasms, and it can be connected to restless leg syndrome. Now here is the part that I really want you to hear — because this is where it gets both more complex

  6. Jun 19

    Ep12: Forty and Falling Apart: What to Do When Midlife Feels Like Everything is Breaking Down?

    We have been sold a very narrow story of what a midlife crisis looks like - in this week's article and podcast, I share mine. This is one of the most vulnerable posts I have written in a long time and it may also contain some triggers for you. I'm here if you want to talk. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Free subscribers receive my weekly article and podcast. Paid subscribers also receive access to a weekly 20 minute wellbeing session video or audio and a monthly live group coaching call with me. Transcript Welcome to Living Midlife Well — the podcast for people in their forties and fifties who are done with just getting through the day, and ready to start actually living it. I’m Janine Lattimore, and I’m so glad you’re here. Today’s episode is a personal one. In fact, it is one of the most honest and vulnerable things I’ve shared out loud. I’m going to talk about what it really looks and feels like to hit your forties and have everything fall apart — not the glossy, reframed version, but the raw, messy, what-on-earth-is-happening truth of it. And then I want to offer you something to help make your transition through midlife a little easier with three ways to turn unravelling into understanding. So, if you’re in your forties and life feels less like the plan you had and more like a pile of rubble you’re standing in — this episode is for you. Make yourself comfortable, because this may trigger a few things for you. At forty-three, I was penniless, alone, sick, and on a welfare benefit. My second marriage had just ended, my body was staging a full rebellion against me, and I was supposed to be a motivational teacher — someone who helped people build happy, meaningful lives. The irony wasn’t lost on me. I was drowning in shame, held together by nothing much at all, wondering how on earth I had ended up here. Let me take you back to where it all began to unravel — because it didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow accumulation of everything, until the weight of it became impossible to carry. In my early forties I felt trapped in my life. I had developed severe multiple chemical intolerance and was experiencing sometimes debilitating symptoms where my joints swelled painfully, my energy disappeared, my skin came out in burning, itching rashes and my brain would melt into fog or be hijacked by anxiety. I felt like I had very little time or energy to do the things I wanted to do, or even to have any space for myself. My second marriage was struggling under the weight of stress that we had been and were experiencing. It felt like life had run my husband and I over and spat us out on opposite sides of the road. I thought that I had got it right the second time round, but unexpectedly and painfully, marriage number two came to an end. Here is what led up to that. I had my son when I was thirty-eight and he was born with digestive conditions that meant he wailed in pain every time I tried to breastfeed him, and he couldn’t sleep lying down. We eventually got him put on a special formula, but not before I looked like I was anorexic from being too scared to eat anything in case it was what was causing the problem for him. He still didn’t sleep for more than an hour or two at a time until he was about two. Then my father had a stroke and I had to help care for him because my only sibling lived overseas and my mother had died when I was thirty-two. I was also trying to help care for my god-daughter who had abuse issues in her home life, and then she started running away and I would spend days searching for her. In the midst of all that I began to realise that I was carrying a truck load of fear and guilt, and at my core I hated myself. I also knew that my lack of self-love and acceptance had played a big part in my relationship issues. I felt stuck, exhausted, bound, depressed and like I had been waiting for someone to save me who never came. Alongside all of the external chaos, there was an internal story running — a shame story. One that made everything harder to bear, and much harder to move through. By midlife some people have made it — achieved their goals of career, family and financial success. However, I think that more of us get to midlife and think, “this is not where I had imagined, expected or wanted to be at this point in my life.” For me, I had dreamed of being a happily married, successful motivational speaker, inspiring and helping thousands of people. The reality, at forty-three I had experienced two failed marriages, and I was penniless, alone, sick and on a welfare benefit. I felt broken. I felt f****d up. And I felt like an imposter every time I tried to write or speak about personal growth, health and happiness. It wasn’t just the challenge of the circumstances I was experiencing; it was the shame story I attached to them. So how do we get here? How does life end up looking so different from the one we imagined? I want to reframe what we typically call a midlife crisis — because I think most of us have a very limited image of what it is. Looking back, I can see that what I experienced was a form of midlife crisis. The usual image of a midlife crisis is a man trying to recover his youth by buying a sports car or a motorbike and dating a woman in her twenties. I think it often looks different to this stereotype though. That is just one response to the build-up of stress and obligation we experience by midlife, and to the identity questioning that is a common part of realising that half your life is over and you don’t want to keep living your life the same way. For a lot of us that involves ruminating on all the mistakes and bad patterns we have lived so far, feeling like a failure and feeling broken or crushed by life. But here’s the thing I most want you to hear — and I need you to really let this land. Whatever your circumstances, whatever your shame story, whatever your version of falling apart looks like — there is nothing wrong with you. Let me say that again. There is nothing wrong with you. The end of my second marriage and equal shared custody provided me with both a stimulus and time opportunity to begin doing some deep personal growth work. The first affirmation, or rather healing statement that I made on my journey to loving myself was, “There is nothing wrong with me and I don’t need to be fixed.” I knew the soul truth of it, but it still felt hard to say, and especially to say it out loud to anyone else because I feared how they would judge me. It wasn’t until several years later that I realised I had been using what I perceived as my brokenness as evidence that I deserved to be loved. It was like I had been carrying around two suitcases my whole life. In one was all the painful things that had been done to me which I used as all the reasons I deserved to be loved. This was the one that I would open up and show to people to try and get them to love me. In the other suitcase, was all the things that I had done that I felt guilty or ashamed of. That one carried all the reasons I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved, and I kept it shut. The uncomfortable truth that came to me was that I didn’t feel my own worthiness so I played the small, nice, victim to try and get love. Only it wasn’t love. It was sympathy and attention. That first affirmation started an evolution in me, but it took many years of unravelling and learning for me to know in my whole being that I was not broken, and that I was worthy of love for all of who I am. As I was reflecting on my story in writing this episode, I came to understood the Japanese art of Kintsugi in a new way. Kintsugi is an ancient Japanese practice of repairing broken pottery by mending cracks with lacquer mixed with gold, silver or platinum. This highlights the scars as the beauty of imperfection and makes the repaired piece even more unique and valuable. I have always thought it was a beautiful concept, but in writing this it resonated with me deeply and personally. We can feel like we are falling apart in our forties, and that we have been smashed by life, AND we can put the pieces back together with golden love to create something more honest: a self where the cracks and imperfections are visible, but accepted, and in that, somehow a self that is more whole. For most people, your forties are a pivot point in life and an unravelling. Your forty and falling apart may look like being stuck on an exhausting daily grind treadmill, buried under the weight of the many different hats you wear and the invisible load you carry. It may look like a silent inner scream, or maybe a full physical melt-down of “what about me, it isn’t fair, I’ve had enough now I want my share.” For all of us, within that unwinding is a cry of “I want to fully live, I want to be free, I want to be me, I want to matter, and I want to be happy.” You are not broken, you are reforming. Let the masks you have worn for so long shatter, and from the pieces form your own gold threaded artwork. You may be thinking, that sounds nice, but how do I actually do that? It can be very hard to see how you can put the pieces back together when you are in the midst of the breaking and the losing. Let me share three key things that helped me make it through all of my experience of falling apart. These all hinge on the understanding that unravelling can also mean deciphering or figuring out. They are different tools to help you gain information and clarity from your experience that you can then use to move forward in ways that are more authentic to who you really are and creating the life that you want to live. Number one — Feel the Feels. Acknowledge your feelings and let them flow through you. Be completely honest with yourself and let it be okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Interact with your feelings as if you were the parent and they were your child. Blocki

  7. Jun 12

    Ep11: What Is My Life Purpose? A Midlife Guide to Living True to Yourself

    Links Part of this podcast content was an extract from my book 10 Steps to Happiness To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Free subscribers receive my weekly article and podcast. Paid subscribers also receive access to a weekly 20 minute wellbeing session video or audio and a monthly live group coaching call with me. Transcript What if the life you’ve been living wasn’t actually yours? Not because you made bad choices — but because somewhere along the way, you started making choices based on what was expected of you, rather than what was true to you. If you’re in your 40s or 50s and you’ve got that restless, reaching feeling — like you’ve done all the right things and yet something still feels missing or maybe you’re not even sure what the “right things” to be doing are any more - then this episode is for you. Today we’re talking about life purpose — but not in the way you might expect. Because I want to throw out the traditional definition and offer you something that I believe is far more liberating, and far more authentic. Kia ora and hello, welcome to the Living Midlife Well podcast. I’m Janine Lattimore, a wellbeing writer and coach here to help people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. One of the top five regrets of the dying is this: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself.” If that sentence lands with you, then now is the time to ask yourself, “What do I really want?” Midlife is the perfect moment to stop living by other people’s blueprints and start asking what genuinely fires you up. Here’s how to discover your true life purpose — and why your passion and your purpose are the same thing. So why midlife? Why is this the moment that so many of us start asking these bigger questions? Let me explain. Midlife is a time of significant transition and change in our relationships, our work, our family structures, and our bodies. As we reach the midpoint of our life with several decades of experience behind us and our mortality looming closer on the horizon, we can begin to question our purpose and desires. We may realise that what we have lived up to this point was largely a response to people and forces outside of us, and recognise that either we don’t know who we really are now, or that we are not living in alignment with who we really are. In their youth and early adulthood most people take on what society dictates to be the purpose of life which revolves around getting a good education, a good job, developing a happy long-term relationship and being a good person. At midlife, we may have ticked all those boxes and are now looking for more, or we may be realising that those purposes were not true to us. This can lead to a deep questioning of what our purpose is and what we really want which can be part of what is referred to as a midlife crisis, but which we can reframe as a midlife edit. That restless, reaching feeling in midlife isn’t a malfunction. It’s your authentic self asking to be seen. Or maybe you are the opposite. Maybe you feel done with striving and are asking yourself whether you need a sense of purpose, or should you just sit back and enjoy life? What if enjoying your life is your purpose? That last question is actually the perfect segue into what I really want to explore today — because it challenges everything we’ve been taught about what purpose is supposed to mean. We tend to view life purpose as being connected to some form of service to others or promoting a higher good. In that it is often seen as self-less. I want to propose something radical. I want to put self right at the centre of purpose and say that your purpose here in this physical experience is to be you. You are unique. Even if you have an identical twin there is no one completely like you who can bring your mix of qualities, experience and insight to the world. This is captured beautifully in one of my favourite quotes from Martha Graham — “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it.” If you have been playing roles like wife, mother, father, husband or whatever your job title is for so long that you are not sure who your authentic self is without those hats, then start here with asking yourself — what lights me up inside? Your purpose in life is to do what lights you up. Your passion is your purpose. I believe that is what you are here for, and I also believe that is the best way you can serve others. Following your bliss and serving others are often viewed as being separate, even opposing things, as being self-centred versus being self-less. Service is often equated with self-sacrifice, and self-sacrifice is often seen as necessary in order to help others. This is a belief not a fact. It is one point of view that has been perpetuated by many. I think it is very important to look at HOW we are serving others and to open our definition of what service is. Instead of using the word service, let’s use the word uplift. What most people desire is not just to help other people, but to uplift them, so that they can feel better and be happier. And here’s the thing — the most powerful way to uplift others might surprise you. If you would like to help other people to feel better and happier, then the best way to do that is to be experiencing a lot of joy for yourself. You radiate what you are feeling and the people around you receive that. Following your bliss is the best way to uplift others. Bliss and service are not separate, they are closely intertwined. Your bliss serves others. Your passion is your purpose. We cannot be self-less and why would you want to be? You are here as a one-of-a-kind creation to live your unique life. No one else will ever exist like you and no one will ever be able to live the life that you are living now. I believe that is a divine gift. Many people go looking for their purpose in serving others in some way. I’m not saying that is not worthwhile, however, I would argue that your joy is your purpose. When you are lit up, you shine light into the world. So do what lights you up, whatever that may be. When you do what lights you up, when you do what you love, what you’re passionate about, what gives you energy and what makes you glow, then that shines a light for others and brings more light into the world. Sometimes people think that our purpose needs to be an obvious act of service to others and I believe that is a good thing. If you feel that it is your passion and your calling to do that, then that’s wonderful. If that lights you up, then that is your purpose, but I don’t think that it has to be for everyone. Some people believe that if we are not serving others with our lives in a really obvious way that we’re not making a difference in the world. I don’t believe that’s true. I think we make a difference in the world when we shine as who we are. So, if your purpose is to follow your bliss, your true desire, the next question of course is how to identify that. I think that it is important to note that your passion or bliss doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be some grand goal. Your bliss may be growing a garden full of flowers, or reading good books. It may be volunteering at a food bank or fostering rescued animals. One of the best ways to identify what lights you up is to play with curiosity. Try new things, meet new people, take on new projects, participate in local groups, or explore a new hobby. Moving out of routine and auto-pilot shakes up your energy and gives you a different perspective. Embrace discovery, imperfection and learning. You don’t have to be the best at something to enjoy it. When it comes to bliss, the process of engagement is what matters, not the outcome. The key is how you feel while you are doing it. It may help to begin by reflecting on your responses to the following three questions. I recommend you take some time with this. Let them sit with you as you move through life for a week or two. One — What did you enjoy doing as a child? Two — If you received $10 million today and didn’t have to work to financially support yourself, what would your ideal day look like? Three — When do you feel most authentic, connected, and at peace with yourself? For most people what will begin to form is a list of things you love doing, ways you like to be creative, experiences of interacting with other people and/or environments you appreciate. You can use this list to guide you in creating a life filled with more of your bliss and purpose, and, if you want to, you can refine this even further. Usually when we think of something that we love and appreciate, or desire, we think of it in terms of a condition. By that, I mean some sort of physical circumstance, event, person or action. However, at its essence bliss is a feeling, not a condition, and it is more than one feeling and slightly different feelings for different people. When we attach the feeling of bliss to certain conditions, then we are attaching it to something external to ourselves that we don’t have full control over. By identifying what bliss feels like for you, then you open yourself to the unlimited ways that you can feel that, rather than having it connected to only one condition which may or may not happen. For example, I love to dance. We could say that dance is one of my passions because it lights me up. However, it is not dance that lights me up. What lights me up is what I feel when I dance and I don’t feel it every time I dance. The condition, in this case dance, is

  8. Jun 5

    Ep10: The 3 Types of Midlife Exhaustion (and the 3 Elements of Rest That Actually Help)

    Links Mentioned in the Episode Learn more about the Living Midlife Well Member Community on Substack Learn more about the Living Life Well Member Community on janinelattimore.com I have two membership community platforms - one on Substack and one through my janinelattimore.com website. The benefits and content are the same for each of them: * a weekly newsletter * a weekly 20 minute wellbeing guided video or audio - this links to the content of the newsletter and is like an extended guided practice * a monthly live group coaching call + replay The difference is that the newsletter for the Substack member community is a long-form article whereas the newsletter for my website membership community is a shorter tips and highlights style email. Transcript What if the reason you’re exhausted has nothing to do with how much sleep you’re getting? What if tiredness in your forties and fifties isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you — but a completely understandable response to decades of doing life at full intensity, with barely a moment to breathe? Today I want to talk about something I think so many of us are quietly carrying but rarely say out loud: that bone-deep weariness that doesn’t go away, no matter how early you get to bed. I’m going to share three types of midlife exhaustion that might explain exactly what’s going on in your body and nervous system right now — and then I’m going to give you a roadmap to three kinds of rest that can actually help. Not rest as in “do nothing and hope for the best,” but rest that works at a biological, mental, emotional and even spiritual level. And I’m going to start by reading you something I wrote almost exactly a year ago. For many years now I have been waking up tired, frequently feeling exhausted, falling asleep if I am sitting for a relatively short period of time and often feeling like I am living on a treadmill of to-do’s and I don’t know how to get off. I haven’t had a holiday of more than 2–3 days in about fourteen years, and that was to Auckland with the kids and I was pregnant with my son and had really bad morning sickness. It isn’t just that I haven’t had opportunity, the thought of stopping and having a holiday to “just relax” causes me to feel on edge. It would take several days for my nervous system to unwind even if I did go away. Can you relate to any of that? If you’re nodding along — even a little — then what I’m about to share is for you. Because that kind of tiredness? It’s not just your story, and it’s not just mine. It’s something that is showing up for so many people at this stage of life, and I think it’s worth understanding why. Kia ora and hello, welcome to the Living Midlife Well podcast. I’m Janine Lattimore, a wellbeing writer and coach here to help people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. By their forties and fifties many people are starting to experience a deep weariness. It is connected to years of intense stress, demand, responsibility and also experiences of loss, heartbreak, unfulfillment, disappointment and failure. We are tired of our time being taken by things we don’t want to do and not being able to do the things we want to do. Many of us have carried the invisible load for decades — the unseen mental, emotional and logistical effort required to manage our relationships, families, and households. In our work and homelife we have been consistently required to do the non-stop exhausting labour of anticipating, planning, organising and remembering moving parts in the responsible role of adulting. It is absolutely understandable that you are tired. Tired maybe even more than you know. It is not weakness. Modern life can drain the life out of any and possibly all of us. I don’t think that a longing for rest is something new, but I think that we are experiencing it in a new way due to the rapid development of technology leading to globalisation and almost constant lifestyle changes and updates. Those of us in our forties and fifties now lived through the dawning of the digital information age. We remember, not just in our minds, but also in our bodies, a slower, quieter, more personally connected life before personal computers, the internet, mobile phones and social media. I think that this adds to the impact of the fast-paced change and the weariness we feel. And into all of this, gets thrown the turmoil caused by major hormone changes at this stage of life. So that’s the backdrop. That’s the weight we’re carrying before we even get out of bed in the morning. And what I want to do now is get specific — because not all exhaustion is the same, and understanding which type you’re experiencing is the first step to knowing what you actually need. Let me walk you through the three types of midlife exhaustion. By midlife, chronic stress is affecting us in three main ways: fatigue, freeze and burnout; hyperstimulation — that wired-but-tired feeling; and what I call dis-ease, which is stress-related illness. Let’s look at each one. Exhaustion Type 1: Fatigue, Freeze and Burnout — When Your System Has Simply Had Enough Ongoing stress drains your energy — even low-level ongoing stress which affects you like apps constantly running in the background on your phone. This can manifest as fatigue, brain fog, procrastination, difficulty making decisions, forgetfulness, emotional flatness and loss of interest in socialising. Freeze, which is a second layer survival — or stress — response after fight or flight, can look like feeling numb, depressed, hopeless, disassociated and/or shut down. Burnout can happen when you experience too much emotional, physical, and mental fatigue for too long. You move beyond the overwhelm of stress into feeling depleted, used up, hopeless, cynical, and resentful. Does that resonate? That flat, used-up feeling that goes beyond just being tired? Now let’s look at the second type — and this one might surprise you, because it doesn’t look like exhaustion from the outside at all. Exhaustion Type 2: Wired but Tired — Why You Can’t Switch Off Even When You Want To Hyperstimulation is the sensation of being constantly switched on and struggling with switching off — or in other words, feeling tired but wired. It can look like overworking, over giving, overthinking and over-functioning, all while being unable to stop or sometimes even sit still for long. If you have difficulty stopping and resting, then it is likely that your nervous system is stuck in survival mode. There are usually subconscious beliefs operating underneath this for you. Experiences you had when you were young that taught you that being still was somehow unsafe, that rest equals weakness, or that if you don’t perform, you don’t matter. This second type is one I see very often — people who look busy and capable from the outside, but who are running on fumes underneath. And the third type is where the body starts sending the most urgent signals of all. Exhaustion Type 3: When Stress Makes You Sick — The Body’s Long-Term Bill for Chronic Pressure Long-term activation of your stress response system causes overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones which can cause inflammation and disrupt almost all of your body’s processes. This type of chronic stress can put you at risk for a variety of health issues including muscle tension and pain, headaches, infertility, heart disease, heart attack, weight gain, insomnia, auto-immune conditions and stroke. Long term stress keeps your body in a survival state where your body down-regulates systems not connected with fight or flight such as your immune system, your digestive system and your reproductive system. This can make you more prone to illness and slower to recover from it, stimulate or worsen digestive issues, and suppress your libido and sexual function. You can experience issues from more than one of these areas at the same time. By midlife it is quite common to be experiencing all three in various ways. So, we’ve named what’s happening. And I hope just having language for it gives you some relief — because when we can name something, we stop making it mean that something is fundamentally wrong with us, and we can start doing something about it. Now, I want to talk about rest — but not in the way you might expect. Midlife exhaustion is not just physical and therefore the rest we crave and need is not just physical. By this stage of life, a big part of rest is also experiencing inner peace — which is mental and emotional peace, and also spiritual. Not spiritual in a religious sense, but in the sense of self awareness and living in coherence with your values and what is important to you. And here’s something I want to gently challenge — something I hear from people a lot when they start thinking about rest. I have heard some people say that they will make an effort to rest more. There is a contradiction there because rest by its nature is the opposite of effort. Rest isn’t something we do, it is something we feel. It needs to be felt into because how we experience rest is different for different people and also varies for ourselves over time and mental and emotional state. We can equate rest with acceptance, ease, and flow and with the release of effort, performance and need. And this is where it gets interesting — because if rest isn’t about effort, and it isn’t about just stopping, then what does it actually look like? Especially when some of us have been stuck in survival mode or over-functioning for so long that we are not even sure how to rest. This is heightened when we have beliefs like: · Rest is lazy. · Rest is unproductive. · I can only rest when all the work is done. · and/or the purpose of rest is to give me energy to do more. If any

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Helping people in midlife get off the treadmill of stress and exhaustion, rediscover their joy, and create a life that is aligned with who they really are and what they really want. janinelattimore.substack.com