Notes from the Shadows

Lívia Oliveira
  • 5.0 (2)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Notes from the Shadows is a podcast about identity, emotion, and the inner narratives we rarely question. It explores how shame, labels, fear, and early experiences shape the way we see ourselves — and how those stories follow us into adulthood. Through honest reflections inspired by psychological research, books, conversations with experts, and personal learning, this space invites listeners to understand what happened instead of assuming something is wrong with them. This is not about fixing yourself. It’s about remembering that being human is not a flaw.

Episodes

  1. 21H AGO

    Por Que Você Aprendeu a Se Sentir Como um Problema

    Neste episódio de Notes from the Shadows, falamos sobre algo silencioso, mas profundamente presente: a sensação de ser o problema. Não como drama. Não como vitimização. Mas como um padrão aprendido. Exploramos como o sistema nervoso se adapta quando pertencimento parece instável — e como essa adaptação pode se transformar em identidade. Este não é um espaço para se consertar. É um espaço para entender. Se este episódio fez sentido para você, convido você para a live complementar, onde vamos aprofundar essa conversa de forma mais prática e interativa. Na live, vamos falar sobre: – Como identificar padrões de hiperrresponsabilidade – Como diferenciar intuição de vigilância – Como começar a criar segurança interna sem autoacusação Data e horário: [insira aqui] Link da live: [insira aqui] Você não é o problema. Talvez apenas tenha aprendido estratégias para sobreviver. Nos vemos ao vivo. — Notes from the Shadows Por Lívia Oliveira

    7 min

  2. 21H AGO

    Why You Learned to Feel Like a Problem (EN)

    Hello there. This is not a podcast about fixing yourself. It is about questioning the stories we were told and the patterns we repeated. Welcome to this episode of Notes from the Shadows. Today we explore something quiet and persistent — the feeling of being the problem. Not dramatic. Not loud. Just constant. This belief is not random. It is learned. Attachment theory, first introduced by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, explains that when we are children, survival depends on connection. Not independence. Not self-expression. Connection. When caregivers are consistent, the nervous system learns safety. When responses are unpredictable — sometimes warm, sometimes distant — the child adapts. Not consciously. Instinctively. “If I am easier, things stay calm.” “If I adjust, connection continues.” Adaptation is intelligent. But when it repeats, it becomes identity. Children naturally assume responsibility. Jean Piaget described childhood egocentrism not as selfishness, but as the tendency to interpret events as personal. So tension becomes: “I did something wrong.” Over time, that turns into: “I am wrong.” Jeffrey Young’s schema theory explains how unmet emotional needs often become hyper-responsibility. In adulthood, this can look like: – apologizing quickly – replaying conversations – over-explaining – monitoring your tone – staying hyper-vigilant Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory adds that the body detects safety before the mind does. He calls this neuroception. If early environments were inconsistent, the nervous system becomes highly sensitive to subtle cues — a pause, a shift in tone, silence. Perception becomes vigilance. Vigilance becomes self-accusation. Because if you are the problem, you can try to fix it. If the relationship is the problem, you risk losing it. The brain prefers pain it can control over loss it cannot prevent. This is not low self-esteem. It is a belonging strategy. Belonging is a biological need. Rejection activates the brain similarly to physical pain. So self-blame can feel safer than abandonment. What once protected you may now be exhausting you. And exhaustion often disguises itself as self-criticism. Feeling like you are the problem does not mean something is wrong with you. It means your nervous system learned that adjusting equals safety. But strategies are not identity. This week, notice the contraction after you speak. The thought: “I shouldn’t have said that.” Pause. Is this about now? Or is it something old trying to protect you? You don’t need to fix anything. Awareness creates distance. Distance creates choice. This is Notes from the Shadows. By Lívia Oliveira.

    8 min

  3. FEB 11

    Por Que Você Se Sente Um Problema (PT)

    Neste segundo episódio do Notes from the Shadows, exploramos por que tantas pessoas crescem com a sensação de que são um problema — mesmo quando nada está “errado” com elas. Este não é um episódio sobre autoajuda ou sobre consertar a si mesma. É sobre compreender como padrões emocionais e adaptações silenciosas se transformam em identidade. Versão em inglês disponível no Episódio 1.

    5 min

  4. FEB 11

    Why You Feel Like a Problem (EN)

    In this first episode of Notes from the Shadows, we explore why so many people grow up feeling like a problem — even when nothing is “wrong” with them. This is not about self-improvement or fixing yourself. It’s about understanding how emotional patterns, unspoken expectations, and early adaptation slowly become identity. If you’ve ever felt “too much,” not enough, or responsible for everything around you, this episode is where we be

    6 min
  • 4 Episodes

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
2 Ratings

About

Notes from the Shadows is a podcast about identity, emotion, and the inner narratives we rarely question. It explores how shame, labels, fear, and early experiences shape the way we see ourselves — and how those stories follow us into adulthood. Through honest reflections inspired by psychological research, books, conversations with experts, and personal learning, this space invites listeners to understand what happened instead of assuming something is wrong with them. This is not about fixing yourself. It’s about remembering that being human is not a flaw.

Information

  • Creator
    Lívia Oliveira
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    4
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Lívia Oliveira
  • Show Website
    Notes from the Shadows