The Happiness Standard

Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers

Happiness isn’t a goal to chase. Through the lens of her listeners and her own lived experience, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores the two-sided coin of happiness—how it shows up in both joy and discomfort. Discover how to make happiness your standard, not your goal.

  1. 3d ago

    Episode 23: Follow Your Regret

    We spend so much of our lives trying to avoid regret—but what if regret is actually useful? Discover the psychology of regret, anticipated regret, and decision-making, plus learn "The Regret Reset," a simple framework to transform regret into growth. Episodes Mentioned: Happiness Is A Verb: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6u37pF2YxCfvCjiT8mkJBh?si=XcX-FeoPRRe57fu_VlusxQ&utm_source=sms Why Did We Stop Being Friends? : https://open.spotify.com/episode/70ZRcUFP3Jgy48D3RlKKfi?si=xZGhlyqNQTmHVc4wUdc-4g&utm_source=sms Forgiveness Without Reconnection: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1fsdXQ0PUeG6bz4wZoPtQW?si=FH-QMtsDSR-Hvo1dYUSwGg&utm_source=sms References: Afifi, W. A., & Guerrero, L. K. (2000). Motivated cognitive processes underlying topic avoidance in close relationships. In S. Petronio (Ed.), Balancing the secrets of private disclosures (pp. 165–179). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1994). The temporal pattern to the experience of regret. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(3), 357–365. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.67.3.357 Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1982). The simulation heuristic. In D. Kahneman, P. Slovic, & A. Tversky (Eds.), Judgment under uncertainty: Heuristics and biases (pp. 201–208). Cambridge University Press. Markman, K. D., Gavanski, I., Sherman, S. J., & McMullen, M. N. (1993). The mental simulation of better and worse possible worlds. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 29(1), 87–109. https://doi.org/10.1006/jesp.1993.1005 Zeelenberg, M., & Pieters, R. (2007). A theory of regret regulation 1.0. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 17(1), 3–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327663jcp1701_3

  2. Jul 14

    Episode 22: The Psychology of Progress

    Big dreams sound inspiring—but dreams don't change your life. Habits do. Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers discusses why goals aren't accomplishments, why we often confuse intention with progress, and how small daily actions become the person you're trying to be. Episodes Mentioned: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6u37pF2YxCfvCjiT8mkJBh?si=cRRpOhymTHqFPy-2VCxKQg&utm_source=sms References: Dillard, J. P. (1990). A goal-planning-action model of interpersonal influence. Communication Theory, 1(1), 1–27. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.1991.tb00002.x Gollwitzer, P. M., & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement: A meta-analysis of effects and processes. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 38, 69–119. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38002-1 Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674 Sheeran, P. (2002). Intention—Behavior relations: A conceptual and empirical review. European Review of Social Psychology, 12(1), 1–36. https://doi.org/10.1080/14792772143000003

  3. Jul 7

    Episode 21: Happiness is a Verb

    What if happiness isn't the destination we've been told it is? What if it's actually a practice? Discover the psychology of happiness, why the next milestone never feels like enough, and the research-backed mindset shift that could change the way you experience everyday life. Episodes Mentioned: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5oKvDiiUy63pmAwbawHbr6?si=dBSHQ8BvT_CYc1Hx8MT6JA References: Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36(8), 917–927. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.36.8.917 Fredrickson, B. L. (1998). What good are positive emotions? Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 300-319. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.300 Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The good life: Lessons from the world's longest scientific study of happiness. Simon & Schuster.

  4. Jun 30

    Episode 20: Closure is Overrated

    Still waiting for an apology? An explanation? One last conversation? In this episode, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores why closure is overrated—and how to find peace, heal, and move forward after endings that were never fully explained. Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press. Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109(3), 504–511. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.109.3.504 Zeigarnik, B. (1938). On finished and unfinished tasks. In W. D. Ellis (Ed.), A source book of Gestalt psychology (pp. 300–314). Harcourt, Brace.

  5. Jun 23

    Episode 19: Why Did We Stop Being Friends?

    Why do adult friendships feel so hard to maintain? In Episode 19 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores why friendships fade, what communication research teaches us about maintaining meaningful relationships, and why friendship loss can feel like a form of grief. If you've ever wondered what happened to a friendship—or how to build stronger ones—this episode is for you. Episodes Mentioned The Expectation Effect - https://open.spotify.com/episode/3D8Gji7BZ6YDRGRnoKqwKC?si=_V_SQzSaSkaiic9YrrfcUg References  Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social penetration: The development of interpersonal relationships. Holt, Rinehart & Winston. Demir, M., Özdemir, M., & Weitekamp, L. A. (2012). Looking to happy tomorrows with friends: Best and close friendships as they predict happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 13(6), 1179–1196. Doka, K. J., & Davidson, J. D. (2016). Living with grief: Who we are, how we grieve. Routledge. Duck, S. (1994). Meaningful relationships: Talking, sense, and relating. Sage. Festinger, L., Schachter, S., & Back, K. (1950). Social pressures in informal groups: A study of human factors in housing. Stanford University Press. Stafford, L., & Canary, D. J. (1991). Maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, gender, and relational characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8(2), 217–242.

  6. Jun 16

    Episode 18: The Confidence Catch

    You've been told confidence comes first. What if that's wrong? In Episode 18 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores the psychology of confidence, self-efficacy, avoidance, and why the feeling you're waiting for actually comes after you begin. Discover the confidence catch—and why it could be the reason you feel stuck. Episodes Mentioned: Episode 11 - Congratulations! You Failed: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2iLl7CCtTI1x51LPkhLduC?si=kBefNzMjTXydR09znXwtEw Episode 10 - You’re Measuring Wrong: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3YtpeCAX9IIX9cbj8nLf3o?si=jEzevaaCRNS56QgMMs2A6A Episode 7 - My Birthday! https://open.spotify.com/episode/1eGi5VFROlucsDcA1NjJPr?si=SLAgy5jzSfeaYWgysrMfEQ References Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.84.2.191 Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman. Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006 Masten, A. S. (2001). Ordinary magic: Resilience processes in development. American Psychologist, 56(3), 227–238. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.56.3.227 Mowrer, O. H. (1947). On the dual nature of learning: A reinterpretation of “conditioning” and “problem-solving.” Harvard Educational Review, 17, 102–148. Southwick, S. M., Bonanno, G. A., Masten, A. S., Panter-Brick, C., & Yehuda, R. (2014). Resilience definitions, theory, and challenges: Interdisciplinary perspectives. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 5(1), Article 25338. https://doi.org/10.3402/ejpt.v5.25338

  7. Jun 9

    Episode 17: Why Validation Feels So Addictive

    What if the confidence you rely on isn't actually yours? In Episode 17 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores the hidden psychology behind validation, self-worth, confidence, and social approval. Discover why external validation feels so rewarding, how it can quietly shape your happiness, and the surprising path to building confidence from within. References: Bandura, A. (1977). Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change. Psychological Review, 84(2), 191–215. Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529. Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593–623. Izuma, K., Saito, D. N., & Sadato, N. (2008). Processing of social and monetary rewards in the human striatum. Neuron, 58(2), 284–294. Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.

  8. Jun 2

    Episode 16: The Expectation Effect

    Are your expectations communicated or assumed? In EP 16 of The Happiness Standard, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores how expectations shape our relationships, self-worth, and emotional wellbeing. Learn how unmet expectations can lead to disappointment, why boundaries are essential for healthy communication, and how self-integrity helps build trust with yourself. Through communication theory, practical strategies, and real-life examples, this episode offers tools for navigating relationships, setting boundaries, and managing expectations in a healthier way. Episodes Mentioned: Are You Giving Grace or Making Excuses? : https://open.spotify.com/episode/7LV5dyquSt77IFZi4lZZ2B?si=MV_DjfjCQ5-XSPab5tpDVg Embracing Change: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Rb0qH75B6lcyufxIgssu1?si=0CLHhk6oQrKoACrKkfHiOg References: Burgoon, J. K. (1993). Interpersonal expectations, expectancy violations, and emotional communication. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 12(1–2), 30–48. https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927x93121003 Burgoon, J. K., & Jones, S. B. (1976). TOWARD a THEORY OF PERSONAL SPACE EXPECTATIONS AND THEIR VIOLATIONS. Human Communication Research, 2(2), 131–146.

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Happiness isn’t a goal to chase. Through the lens of her listeners and her own lived experience, Dr. Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers explores the two-sided coin of happiness—how it shows up in both joy and discomfort. Discover how to make happiness your standard, not your goal.

Information

  • Creator
    Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    25
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Sarah Eileen-Downey Akers
  • Show Website
    The Happiness Standard