The Check In! with Dillan

Dillan Koch, licensed family systems therapist
  • 5.0 (6)
  • Mental Health
  • Daily

The Check In! with Dillan is about the stories, systems, and relationships that shape who we become. Hosted by therapist Dillan Koch, each episode explores the emotional patterns, family dynamics, community experiences, and life events that influence how we show up in the world. Through honest conversations with real people, leaders, advocates, and experts, this podcast asks deeper questions about mental health, grief, parenting, identity, resilience, and growth. Because the way we show up isn’t random & when we understand what shaped us, we can begin to choose what comes next

  1. 3d ago

    When “Marriage Is Hard” Is Actually Emotional Abuse: Divorce, Faith & Healing

    You keep trying to be a better partner. You apologize to keep the peace. You’re told marriage is hard, but you’re starting to wonder: is this emotional abuse? Molly believed that if she could just try harder, her marriage would get better. Instead, she found herself increasingly isolated, questioning her own judgment, and carrying the weight of religious expectations that made asking for help feel wrong. In this episode of The Check In! with Dillan, therapist Dillan Koch sits down with Molly for an honest conversation about emotional abuse, gaslighting, religious trauma, and life after a high-conflict divorce. Molly shares her experience of a seven-year marriage, a lengthy custody battle, and rebuilding trust in herself while raising her daughter. We talk about: • Walking on eggshells, self-blame, and the relationship patterns Molly struggled to recognize.• How messages about submission, forgiveness, and being a “good wife” shaped her response to abuse.• Navigating Christian divorce and rediscovering faith on her own terms.• Parenting through divorce without putting children in the middle.• Dating after divorce and learning what emotional safety can feel like.• Making room for grief, support, and a future you didn’t plan. For anyone questioning a relationship, healing after divorce, or trying to support someone they love, this conversation puts words to experiences that can be difficult to explain. CONNECTMolly: @the_divorced_mamaDillan: @checkinwithdillan Karalynn Royster: @learnwithlittlehouse for healing after emotional abuse SUPPORT & RESOURCES — U.S.You don’t have to be certain it’s abuse—or ready to leave—to talk with an advocate about your concerns and options. • National Domestic Violence Hotline: Free, confidential support, available 24/7. Call 800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat with a live advocate at thehotline.org. • Personalized safety planning: Explore options for staying safer while in a relationship, preparing to leave, or after separation at The Hotline’s safety planning resource. • Legal information and help: WomensLaw.org offers plain-language information about protection orders, custody, divorce, and finding legal help. It serves survivors of all genders. If your device or internet activity may be monitored, use a safer device to access support when possible. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911 if you can safely do so. Content note: Discussion of domestic and emotional abuse, religious trauma, and custody conflict. This episode shares personal experiences and general education; it isn’t individualized therapy or legal advice.

  2. Sep 13

    Divorce Is Hard. Conflict Is What Hurts Kids with Dr. Karalynn Royster

    When a marriage ends, parents are often terrified about what the divorce will do to their children. But divorce itself isn’t the strongest predictor of how kids will cope—the conflict surrounding them is. Systems-oriented family specialist, Dillan, sits down with licensed child psychologist and high-conflict divorce expert Dr. Karalynn Royster to discuss how parents can protect their children when trust has been broken, emotions are high, or healthy co-parenting feels impossible. Together, they explore: • What makes a divorce truly “high conflict”• Why criticizing your co-parent can fracture your child’s sense of self• What to tell children about infidelity or a divorce one parent didn’t want• The fine line between being honest and making your child your emotional caretaker• How parentification can show up, especially with teens• Why children should have a voice without carrying the burden of choosing between parents• Custody schedules, nesting, transitions, and preserving stability• What you can still control when your co-parent refuses to cooperate Dr. Royster also offers a grounding reminder for parents navigating the impossible: You may not be able to change your co-parent, but the safe, steady relationship you create with your child can make an enormous difference. Whether you’re newly separated, caught in a high-conflict custody situation, co-parenting with a difficult ex, or supporting a child through divorce, this episode will help you focus on what protects kids most. Follow @checkinwithdillan on Instagram CONNECT WITH DR. KARALYNN ROYSTER: Website: https://www.learnwithlittlehouse.com/Instagram: @learnwithlittlehouseEmail: info@learnwithlittlehouse.com Please note: This conversation is educational and does not constitute legal advice or establish a therapeutic relationship.

  3. Aug 29

    Why Life Feels Harder for Michigan Families & What Could Help | Rep. Joey Andrews

    What happens when a systems oriented therapist sits down with a state representative not to trade political talking points, but to ask why life has become so difficult for so many families? In this candid conversation, licensed clinical social worker Dillan and Michigan State Representative Joey Andrews connect the stress people feel at home to the larger systems shaping their lives. Why has housing become so unaffordable in Southwest Michigan? Are short-term rentals really the problem or does outdated zoning deserve more attention? What does the divide between St. Joseph and Benton Harbor reveal about education, race, resources, and opportunity? How can Michigan embrace AI and economic growth without passing the hidden costs on to families? And what happens when schools are expected to educate, protect, feed, and provide mental health support all while smartphones and social media are reshaping childhood? Joey also opens up about his unconventional path from small business and law to the Michigan Legislature, his experience living with Crohn’s disease, and the generations of support that helped his own family build stability. Together, he and Dillan explore why personal responsibility and systemic responsibility do not have to be opposing ideas and why investing in people before they reach a crisis can strengthen an entire community. This isn’t a campaign speech or a partisan debate. It’s a thoughtful, accessible conversation about housing, schools, healthcare, technology, mental health, and what families need to thrive. You don’t have to follow politics—or agree with every policy—to get something meaningful from this episode. If you care about raising children, affording a home, accessing healthcare, or building a community people can remain part of, this conversation is for you. @checkinwihdillan @joeyformichigan https://housedems.com/joey-andrews/

  4. Aug 14

    Beyond Test Scores: What Kids Need From Schools Now with Superintendent Kristen Bawks

    Schools are being asked to do more than ever: educate children, protect them, support their mental health, respond to behavior, navigate cell phones and AI, and help every student feel like they belong. So, what do kids actually need from schools now? In this episode of The Check In!, systems-oriented therapist Dillan Koch sits down with public school superintendent Kristen Bawks for an honest, behind-the-scenes look at the decisions shaping children’s experiences at school. Together, they explore: • Why behavior is communication—and what adults may be missing underneath it• How relationships, belonging, and psychological safety affect learning• Balancing emotional support with expectations, grit, and healthy struggle• Student mental health, school social workers, and barriers to accessing therapy• How cell phones affect learning, connection, anxiety, and school safety• What artificial intelligence means for writing, critical thinking, and academic integrity• Teacher burnout, school funding, and the pressures educators are carrying• Why one trusted adult can change the trajectory of a child’s life Kristen also pulls back the curtain on what school leaders are balancing—from budgets and building safety to teacher retention, technology, mental health support, and community expectations. This conversation is for parents, educators, therapists, school board members, and community leaders who want to better understand the systems surrounding children. It will also give you language, questions, and ideas you can bring back to your own superintendent or school district when advocating for stronger mental health supports, thoughtful technology policies, safer learning environments, and schools where every child feels known. Follow The Check In! with Dillan for honest conversations about parenting, mental health, family systems, education, and the communities shaping our children. @checkinwithdillan on instagram

  5. Jul 19

    A Daughter's Grief: When Grief Becomes Ambition | Sabrina Clark Rohde

    Sabrina Clark Rohde was 18 when her dad died suddenly, just after they'd had a big fight. In the aftermath, grief didn’t only look like sadness. It looked like urgency. Achievement. A determination to build an extraordinary life because she understood, far too young, how quickly life could end. Sabrina went on to work at McKinsey, become one of the firm’s youngest managers, pursue her MBA at Stanford, run marathons and launch her own successful fashion brand Rohde Vene [check it out at https://www.rohdevene.com/] . But underneath the impressive résumé was a deeper question: Was she building a life she genuinely wanted or using achievement to feel safe, in control and worthy? Sabrina and Dillan, two women who lost their dads at young ages, talk about complicated grief, guilt after sudden loss, forgiving someone after they’re gone and the people who help carry us through what we couldn’t survive alone. They also explore female ambition, marriage and career trade-offs, the pressure to “have it all,” and how to create an identity that doesn’t disappear when the accomplishments do. This episode is for anyone who has ever seemed happy while carrying enormous grief—or wondered whether their ambition comes from passion, survival or both. Because sometimes loss doesn’t make you stop living. Sometimes it makes you feel like you have no time to waste. Shop Rohde Vene at: https://www.rohdevene.com/

  6. Jun 21

    A Father’s Grief: Child Loss, Anxiety, & What Men Don’t Always Say | Patrick VanAntwerp

    In this episode of The Check In, Dillan sits down with Patrick VanAntwerp for a powerful conversation about child loss, father grief, anxiety after trauma, faith, and life after the death of a child. Patrick shares the story of his firstborn son, Conner James VanAntwerp, the little boy who made him a dad. He opens up about Conner’s sudden medical emergency, the trauma of the hospital, the heartbreaking decisions he and his wife Angie had to make, and what it has been like the last 10 years navigating grief and life after losing a child. Together, they explore what grief in men really looks like, why many fathers try to stay strong for their family after tragedy, and how child loss impacts marriage, mental health, faith, identity, and everyday life. Patrick speaks candidly about returning to work after loss, struggling with anger and anxiety, seeking therapy, taking medication, and learning that grief does not disappear. This conversation also offers practical insight into how to support grieving parents and bereaved families. Patrick shares what helped and why showing up consistently matters more than finding the perfect words. If you are grieving the loss of a child, supporting someone through grief, navigating marriage after child loss, struggling with anxiety after trauma, or looking for honest conversations about faith and suffering, this episode is for you. Content Note: This episode contains discussions of child loss, pediatric stroke, death, grief, trauma, anxiety, mental health, faith, and bereavement. Grief Resources: The Compassionate Friends—Support for parents, siblings, and grandparents after the death of a child Dougy Center—Grief resources for children, teens, young adults, and families GriefShare—Faith-based grief support groups available in many communities 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline—Call or text 988, or use online chat, if you are experiencing emotional distress or need immediate support Topics Discussed: • Child loss and parental grief • Father grief and grief in men • Losing a child and life after loss • Marriage after child loss • Anxiety, trauma, and mental health • Therapy and grief recovery • Faith during suffering • Supporting grieving parents • Bereavement and healing • Medical trauma and pediatric stroke

  7. May 31

    Marriage After Loss and Supporting Loss Moms with Kaitlin Good Part 2

    In Part 2 of my conversation with Kaitlin Good, we continue talking about pregnancy loss, invisible motherhood, grief, and what it actually looks like to support loss moms. In this episode, Kaitlin opens up about the invisible grief so many women carry after miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, infertility, and child loss. We talk about Mother’s Day, Bereaved Mother’s Day, ambiguous loss, and why motherhood isn’t only defined by the children the world can see. Kaitlin also shares the physical and emotional realities of early pregnancy loss, including the parts women are often expected to navigate quietly and alone. We talk about shame, medical trauma, trauma-informed care, advocating for yourself in medical settings, and why early loss is still loss. We also explore how grief can impact marriage, especially when two people are grieving the same loss in completely different ways. Kaitlin shares honestly about the misunderstanding, distance, therapy, communication, and support that helped her and her husband move through unimaginable pain. Toward the end of the episode, Kaitlin shares how she’s using her story to support other women, advocate for better maternal care, and help loss moms feel less alone. This conversation is tender, honest, and deeply important. It’s for anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss, child loss, infertility, pregnancy after loss, or invisible grief. It’s also for the partners, friends, family members, providers, and loved ones who want to better understand how to show up. Please listen with care. Your baby counts. Your grief counts. Your motherhood counts. Connect: Guest: Kaitlin Good Instagram: @kaitlinrgood Host: Dillan Instagram: @checkinwithdillan Resources Mentioned and Related Support: Maternal Trauma Support A trauma-informed maternal health provider directory for people trying to conceive, navigating infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, pregnancy loss, or maternal trauma. MoMMAs Voices A maternal health patient advocacy coalition that trains people with lived experience as Patient Family Partners to help improve maternal health care and bring patient voices into hospital systems, quality improvement, and policy conversations. Postpartum Support International Offers online support groups for pregnancy and infant loss, early pregnancy loss, and pregnancy after loss. March of Dimes Offers information and support related to miscarriage, pregnancy loss, grief, and infant loss. Content Disclaimer: This episode includes open conversation about pregnancy loss, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, infertility, child loss, pregnancy after loss, medical trauma, grief, postpartum emotions, marriage after loss, and the physical realities of pregnancy loss. Please listen with care. Pause if you need to. If this conversation feels too close to your own story right now, it’s okay to come back when you feel ready. This episode is not medical advice, mental health treatment, or a substitute for care from your own provider. If you’re navigating pregnancy loss, pregnancy after loss, or medical concerns, please reach out to your OB, midwife, primary care provider, therapist, or a qualified medical professional.

  8. May 27

    Invisible Motherhood, Pregnancy Loss, and Grieving the Children You Carry in Your Heart with Kaitlin Good Part 1

    In this tender episode of The Check In! with Dillan, Dillan LMSW sits down with Kaitlin Good for an honest conversation about pregnancy loss, motherhood, grief, and what it means to love children who are not physically here. This is part 1 of the conversation. Kaitlin shares her journey through infertility, the loss of her identical twin daughters at 22 weeks, an early miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, and the complicated emotional experience of carrying hope after profound loss. Together, they talk about the invisible layers of motherhood, the grief that resurfaces through milestones, the fear and anxiety that can come with pregnancy after loss, and why acknowledging a child’s name and existence can mean so much to a grieving parent. This episode is not a “how-to” for grief, because there is no one right way to grieve. Instead, it is one mother’s story of love, loss, faith, survival, and continuing to mother all of her children—the ones in her arms and the ones she carries in her heart. This conversation is for loss moms, grieving parents, and anyone who wants to better understand how to show up for someone walking through pregnancy loss, infant loss, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, or grief. Please note: This episode shares one mother’s lived experience and is not medical advice. If you are experiencing pregnancy-related pain, bleeding, emotional distress, or concerns about your health, please reach out to a medical or mental health professional. Resources for support and education:Postpartum Support International offers pregnancy and infant loss support groups, including support for miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, early infant loss, and pregnancy after loss. March of Dimes offers accessible information and grief resources for families navigating miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, and grief after the death of a baby. ACOG provides medical education on early pregnancy loss, bleeding during pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancy symptoms and treatment. Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support provides grief support, resources, and connection for families impacted by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or the death of a baby in the first few months of life.

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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

The Check In! with Dillan is about the stories, systems, and relationships that shape who we become. Hosted by therapist Dillan Koch, each episode explores the emotional patterns, family dynamics, community experiences, and life events that influence how we show up in the world. Through honest conversations with real people, leaders, advocates, and experts, this podcast asks deeper questions about mental health, grief, parenting, identity, resilience, and growth. Because the way we show up isn’t random & when we understand what shaped us, we can begin to choose what comes next

Information

  • Creator
    Dillan Koch, licensed family systems therapist
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    24
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Dillan Koch, licensed family systems therapist
  • Show Website
    The Check In! with Dillan