The Obliterated Place with Kaye Steinsapir

Kaye Steinsapir
  • 5.0 (13)
  • Personal Journals
  • Updated Biweekly

The Obliterated Place is where you find yourself after an event that changes everything – a diagnosis, an accident, a natural disaster, the end of a marriage, the death of someone you love.  You no longer recognize your life. The future won’t be what you envisioned. Some people are there for you. Others disappoint you when they can’t or won’t be. You measure time by before and after what happened.  You are not alone. Join us in the Obliterated Place, where we witness and honor grief. We share stories and say their names. Brave faces aren’t necessary. We’re vulnerable to great sorrow when we love deeply. Your pain is a badge of honor.  We can’t control much of what happens to us, but we decide how to respond. As Viktor Frankl wrote, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Take your fragments and broken shards and create something beautiful. If you don’t know where or how to start, you’re in good company. No one does. We’re all learning, and this is a place to learn from each other.  This is also a space for anyone who cares about someone who’s suffering. There’s no right or wrong way to express your concern. Just show up. By observing grief in its myriad forms – raw and unvarnished – you’ll naturally feel more at ease as you comfort your person. We all find ourselves in the Obliterated Place at times in our lives. It’s the human experience. As Cheryl Strayed (who graciously provided her permission to use this title) described it, “the obliterated place is equal parts destruction and creation. The obliterated place is pitch black and bright light. It is water and parched earth. It is mud and it is manna. The real work of deep grief is making a home there.”  Whether you’re grieving or seeking to better to understand those of us who are, welcome. Thank you for being here. Your presence alone sanctifies this space. 

  1. 3d ago

    Episode 15 - Libby Boyce On The Legacy Of Her Son, Cameron Boyce, And Understanding Epilepsy

    In this episode, I am honored to sit down with my friend Libby Boyce, whose only son, actor and philanthropist Cameron Boyce, passed away suddenly in 2019 at the age of twenty from a nocturnal seizure. To my children, Cameron was a bright, joyous presence on their favorite shows like Jessie and Descendants. To Libby, he was a deeply loyal, affectionate, and philanthropic soul who loved his village fiercely. Libby and I map out the uncharted terrain of the "obliterated place" that mothers inhabit after the unthinkable happens. We talk candidly about the survival instinct that leads you to find other grieving parents who want to thrive, rather than just shrivel up. Libby shares the massive adjustments couples face in a marriage when both partners are circling the drain, emphasizing the vital importance of giving each other grace and respecting vastly different timelines and methods of processing pain. We also pull back the curtain on the medical realities of epilepsy. Libby shares the hard-won wisdom that drove her to spearhead The Cameron Boyce Foundation, discussing the hidden risks of nocturnal seizures, the hormonal vulnerabilities of the teenage years, and the crucial distinction of seeking care from an epileptologist. This is a deeply raw, life-affirming conversation about transmuting the ultimate tragedy into a legacy of medical advocacy and profound, enduring love. Connect with Libby Boyce & The Cameron Boyce Foundation: Website: thecameronboycefoundation.orgInstagram: @thecameronboycefoundation / @libboyce Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial Substack: Transforming Pain Into PurposeThe Molly Steinsapir Foundation

    56 min

  2. 6d ago

    Episode 14 - Eli Steinsapir (Age 10) On Seeing What’s There Instead Of What’s Missing

    Children can serve as our greatest teachers if we let them. My guest in this special episode is my ten-year-old son, Eli William Steinsapir. A boy with the sweetest smile and a glint of playful mischievousness in his eye, Eli brings sunshine everywhere he goes. If you met him, you’d never guess what he’s been through. Eli lived the first years of his life in the dark shadow of my battle against breast cancer. Just as our lives were beginning to stabilize, the Covid-19 pandemic hit. After months of sheltering in place and attending Zoom preschool, Eli’s favorite person in the world, his older sister, Molly, went on a bike ride with her best friend one morning and never came home. Molly died in the hospital two weeks later. Four years later, our town of Pacific Palisades burned down, including Eli’s elementary school. Despite these immense losses, Eli views the world with positivity. He sees what’s there instead of what’s missing. Eli has a gentle spirit, always kind and quick to apologize when he makes a mistake. During our conversation, we spoke about his memories of the Palisades fire, the terrible stress of watching our town burn, and what it was like to go back afterwards. Eli also shared some of his dreams of Molly where they visit inside of old memories, and the secret comfort of reading her books at night when the lights are supposed to be out. Our conversation was also lighthearted and funny. Eli offered his strong opinion that we all should have a four-day school and work week and life advice on thoroughly enjoying each Saturday, the best day of the week. Eli is currently writing and illustrating his first book, which he’s calling “A Kid’s Life.” Expect to see it on your bookstore shelves in the future! Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial Substack: Transforming Pain Into PurposeThe Molly Steinsapir Foundation

    1h 2m

  3. May 21

    Episode 13 - Rabbi Daniel Sher On Jewish Rituals, Collective Grief Post-10/7, And The Palisades Fire

    In this episode, I am honored to sit down with my Rabbi and dear friend, Daniel Sher, from Kehillat Israel (KI) in the Pacific Palisades. Rabbi Sher has been a steadfast anchor for our congregation, even as he navigates his own "obliterated place" — having personally lost his family home and all their belongings in the devastating Palisades fire.  We sit down to discuss the profound psychological genius embedded within Jewish mourning rituals, from the complete surrender of Shiva to the gradual re-entry of Shloshim. Rabbi Sher shares a beautiful framing of grief as a series of heavy items we carry forever in our pockets; we do not hold them out for the world to see at all times, but their weight permanently alters how we carry ourselves. We also talk about his perspective on rebuilding a community after a disaster with deep intentionality, choosing never to "waste our tragedies."  Our conversation also turns to the complex, painful realities facing the Jewish people in the wake of October 7th. We explore the profound alienation of feeling iced out by former allies in social activist circles, the historical burden of being a "universally welcoming tradition forced to choose between safety and welcome," and the true definition of "chosenness"—not as a gold star of privilege, but as a sacred obligation to carry the weight of historical burden while fiercely choosing to see the light anyway. Connect with Rabbi Daniel Scherr:  Kehillat Israel Podcasts  Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial Substack: Transforming Pain Into PurposeThe Molly Steinsapir Foundation

    1h 10m

  4. May 7

    Episode 12 - Colin Campbell On Finding The Words After The Deaths Of His Children, Ruby and Hart

    After the tragic loss of his teenage children, Ruby and Hart, in a drunk driving accident, Colin Campbell found most books on grief unhelpful. I had a similar experience, with the exception of the one that Colin wrote shortly after Ruby and Hart died, when his grief was raw and often felt unbearable. Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose resonated deeply. It made me feel less alone at a time when nothing made sense.  Colin offers practical advice. His practice of always saying "yes" to invitations, like joining someone on a walk, even when he felt like staying under the covers, encouraged me to avoid isolation. When I wanted to succumb to despair, I remembered Colin's approach of active grieving. For example, Colin and his wife, Gail, gave friends their "grief spiel" whenever they came to visit. They told them exactly what they needed at that point in their grief. It sounds obvious, but nobody does it! Including my husband and me, until I read "Finding The Words." It helped us and our friends. Like my husband, Colin found solace in the Jewish rituals around death and mourning. Although I converted to Judaism over a decade earlier, I hadn't experienced the death of anyone Jewish before we lost Molly. Colin helped me to better understand and appreciate them. Doing a prescribed ritual at a time when you can't think is helpful. Being held by your community is essential. Most of all, I loved talking with Colin about our kids, Ruby, Hart and Molly. It was an honor to spend an hour with him. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Connect with Colin Campbell:  Instagram: @colincampbellwriterWebsite: https://colincampbellauthor.com/colin/  Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial Substack: Transforming Pain Into PurposeThe Molly Steinsapir Foundation

    1h 6m

  5. Apr 30

    Episode 11 - Lyle Green on Growing Up Without a Dad, Communal Grief, and the Loss of Furry Family

    Lyle Green and I have lived across the street from each other for fifteen years, but there were parts of his story I never knew until we sat down for this conversation. We are "COVID family"—neighbors who became extended family during the pandemic and the aftermath of the accident that took Molly’s life. In this episode, Lyle shares the vivid memories of losing his father at just four years old and the unique anxiety of approaching age 46—the same age his father was when he suffered a fatal heart attack. We discuss the "obliterated place" his mother navigated as a young widow and the perspective Lyle gained after losing his home and all his belongings in the Pacific Palisades fire. Lyle also opens up about the heart health journey that led to his own recent blockage discovery, the profound grief of losing his three beloved cats, and why he chooses to wear a bracelet with Molly's name every single day. This is a raw conversation about the "tender heart" behind a tough exterior and what it means for men to finally speak the language of loss. Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial Substack: Transforming Pain Into PurposeThe Molly Steinsapir Foundation

    1h 4m

  6. Apr 23

    Episode 10 - Carla Liber on Life 20 Months After Losing Her Daughter Sami & The SAMI Foundation

    Grief often feels like a thousand paper cuts; your person’s favorite food in the grocery store that you pick up and put back, a song on the radio that suddenly transports you back to happier times, when they were still here, seeing their peers achieve new milestones while they’re forever the age they were when they died. In this episode, I sit down with my friend Carla Liber, who lost her 16-year-old daughter Sami on August 8, 2024 — shortly before her junior year. We met through the particular heartbreak of losing young daughters, girls right on the edge of becoming who they were meant to be.  Just four months after Sami’s passing, Carla and her family created the SAMI Foundation (Supporting Art, Music, and Imagination) — a way to honor their grief and keep Sami’s spirit alive through creativity.  This conversation is about what it means to keep showing up, for your surviving children, your marriage, and yourself, when everyday moments become reminders of who isn’t here.  To learn more about the SAMI Foundation and see Sami’s artwork, visit thesamifoundation.org Connect with Kaye Steinsapir:  Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial Substack: Transforming Pain Into PurposeThe Molly Steinsapir Foundation

    1h 4m

  7. Apr 16

    Episode 9 - Nikki Mark on Losing Her 12 Year-Old Son and The Healing Journey

    I’ve always thought of myself as an alchemist, transmuting what remains after destruction into something new. But after losing my daughter, Molly, that idea was no longer abstract. It became survival. In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend Nikki Mark, the first person I met who had also lost a child, and the person who showed me it was possible to keep going. After her 12-year-old son, Tommy, passed away suddenly in his sleep, Nikki made a decision: she would not stay stuck in her grief. Instead, she approached her healing the same way she built companies — as something to study, test, and rebuild from the ground up. This conversation is about what happens after everything you knew is gone, and how you begin to choose what comes next. Connect with Nikki Mark: Instagram: @healingwithnikkiWebsite: www.nikkimark.comTM23 Foundation:www.tm23foundation.org Connect with Kaye Steinsapir: Subscribe on YouTubeInstagram: @teammollyofficial The Molly Steinsapir Foundation

    54 min

  8. Apr 9

    Episode 8 - Ricky Saxena On Receiving A Terminal Diagnosis At 22

    Ricky Saxena was a 22 year-old senior in the optical engineering program at the University of Arizona when he suddenly collapsed during labs, just weeks away from graduation. Ricky was rushed to the hospital, where doctors discovered his oxygen levels were dangerously low and his heart was enlarged by six times the normal size. Testing eventually revealed that Ricky suffers from pulmonary hypertension. The disease is rare, with only 500-1000 new cases diagnosed annually in the US. It's 3 times more frequent in women, and most prevalent in those aged 75-79. Ricky was a fit, young man preparing to take on the world after graduation. It was like a scene from Grey's Anatomy when a team of doctors gravely informed Ricky and his family that he suffers from an incurable disease that is destroying his ability to breathe. Ricky knows that he's not a statistic and doesn't live his life based on dire stories and statistics on the internet. Still, they are dire. Ricky was horrified when he first Googled pulmonary hypertension. While Ricky has a deeper appreciation for life and his amazing family, friends and partner, he battles grief (his own and sorrow over theirs), and feelings of helplessness amidst intense physical pain. Ricky and I met because were seated next to each other on a plane. With 8.3 billion people on the planet, I believe that our paths were meant to cross. Ricky's voice should be widely heard. Ricky explained that there is just so much he wants to say. He wants to show people that he's more than a terminal diagnosis, and inspire people to face their own challenges with a strong mindset. Follow Ricky on Instagram and TikTok at @rsaxdaily. Ricky reminds us of the miracle of breath, and the gift of a functioning body. As you'll see, Ricky lives a full life, working in his chosen field, cherishing each moment with his loved ones, never taking a single one for granted. I'm grateful for our friendship and the opportunity to share his story.

    46 min
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5
out of 5
13 Ratings

About

The Obliterated Place is where you find yourself after an event that changes everything – a diagnosis, an accident, a natural disaster, the end of a marriage, the death of someone you love.  You no longer recognize your life. The future won’t be what you envisioned. Some people are there for you. Others disappoint you when they can’t or won’t be. You measure time by before and after what happened.  You are not alone. Join us in the Obliterated Place, where we witness and honor grief. We share stories and say their names. Brave faces aren’t necessary. We’re vulnerable to great sorrow when we love deeply. Your pain is a badge of honor.  We can’t control much of what happens to us, but we decide how to respond. As Viktor Frankl wrote, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Take your fragments and broken shards and create something beautiful. If you don’t know where or how to start, you’re in good company. No one does. We’re all learning, and this is a place to learn from each other.  This is also a space for anyone who cares about someone who’s suffering. There’s no right or wrong way to express your concern. Just show up. By observing grief in its myriad forms – raw and unvarnished – you’ll naturally feel more at ease as you comfort your person. We all find ourselves in the Obliterated Place at times in our lives. It’s the human experience. As Cheryl Strayed (who graciously provided her permission to use this title) described it, “the obliterated place is equal parts destruction and creation. The obliterated place is pitch black and bright light. It is water and parched earth. It is mud and it is manna. The real work of deep grief is making a home there.”  Whether you’re grieving or seeking to better to understand those of us who are, welcome. Thank you for being here. Your presence alone sanctifies this space. 

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