I thought the hard part was starting the job. Turns out it was waiting to start it. I’m now almost done with my second week of the new gig. But I was supposed to start on March 30. My first day was April 27. I did everything right. Had it all lined up. Was ready to start the next chapter. I left my job of nearly eight years. Went out on a limb. Took a leap of faith. Then, I waited. And waited. Here’s what happened and how I got through an unexpected sabbatical. Somehow, it took my new company’s vendor more than seven weeks to complete my background check. As my start date approached and still no word, my anxiety kept spiking. My start date was pushed week after week. Left with no income, no insurance, and most importantly, no control. Stuck in a state of limbo, my mind went off in a million different directions. Did I make a terrible mistake? Why is this happening to me? Should I have just stayed where I was? I planned to take one week off in between jobs. I went five weeks without working. Unsure of when we would have insurance again, when my next paycheck would be. Forced into a state of inactivity and insecurity, I had to figure out how to keep my head above water. I did not handle it well. I found myself checking email constantly. Refreshing it every few minutes sometimes. Unconsciously opening my phone and checking it several times an hour. I did it so many times every day. I tried to stop myself but I just couldn’t. It took me until the last week for me to finally show some self restraint. This psychological toll spread from my mind to my marriage. The desperation and helplessness led to tension at home. It’s not just me anymore. My wife and son are on my insurance now. And we we were now going without insurance for who knows how long. My role as a provider was put into question. I’m not the sole breadwinner by any means. My wife does very well with her new business. But I pride myself on providing for my family, getting us good insurance, and bringing in a stable income. Now, all of that was gone. This purgatory paralyzed us in a constant state of fight or flight. The worst case scenarios were considered. What if I didn’t get the job? What if that one thing comes up in my background check and they withdraw my offer? My job at my old company was just filled. The backup of going back to my old job was no longer an option. What if something terrible happens to our son and we have to pay out of pocket? I had an urge to lash out at HR. It took everything in me to keep my cool until the job became real. I just couldn’t wrap my head around what the hell was taking so long. My hiring manager was similarly upset and embarrassed about how it all shook out. I wanted to force an outcome but there was really nothing I could do. Despite the s****y situation, I kept it together for the most part, despite the tension with my wife. We had our arguments. She was rightfully pissed and wanted me to do something about it. We had been through some tests during our short marriage so far. They might not have made sense at the time, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Housing setbacks. Loss. Fertility struggles. The chaos of becoming parents. My wife started her business in early 2025, now, a year later, I was going through a career transition. I didn’t want to just wait and wallow around. I couldn’t just sit and refresh my email all day. I had to decide what to do with the time that was unexpectedly given to me. Here’s what I did instead. I made the most of it. We cleared out 15,000 pounds of lava rock and dirt from our backyard, giving me the opportunity to get after it during my time off. In the extra four weeks off, I was able to finish much of the backyard that had been unfinished for so long. I built a border around the grass area, prepped and cleared the ground for grass seed, dug and installed a sprinkler system, and planted seeds. The grass is now established and I just mowed it for the first time. I also built an extensive paver walkway with rock pebbles in between our other grass area and the hot tub and our fire pit area, then another smaller paver walkway along an area we call The Jungle Cat Club, our hangout area with a hammock where we installed new turf. Nothing better than the feeling of a job well done. Building something with your hands. But there’s still more to finish. I also stayed active. Though I wasn’t up at 4:30am every morning and in the gym by 6am, I worked out three times a week. Got a lot of steps in, especially with all the backyard work. I read a lot. A few books finished. I didn’t write much on Substack. But I did focus on finishing up the latest round of edits on my book, Rewired. I now have a full final punch list to get the manuscript to the last step of polishing before moving on to publication later this year. One book I read was The Pathless Path by Paul Millerd. It’s about leaving the default career path to find a life filled with more meaning beyond the grind of a traditional 9-5 job. One thing he recommended was to take four weeks off from work, a mini-sabbatical, and seeing how you feel. Though I did not plan to do that, that is exactly what ended up happening. It might have been exactly what I needed. Didn’t feel like it at the time. But now, removed from the chaos of that neverending limbo, I realized how I found contentment in that uncertainty, channeling energy into appropriate areas, not lamenting over my circumstances, but controlling how I showed up each day ready to do whatever I could to stay sane and stay balanced. Over the course of those weeks, I accepted the delay. Even though I hated the feeling, I stopped trying to force it. I stopped trying to pray for it to reach its resolve. I started focusing on what was in front of me. I kept my feet moving forward and controlled what I could. I found myself even more grateful to be working again. Counting my blessings that I have a job and new career track I’m moving full spead ahead down. It was a strange saga that I will never forget. I was not always the best version of myself. We got through it together. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t what we had in mind. But I am happy with what I did with my time off. Finally, the day came. An automated email from the background check vendor. I was cleared. I checked with HR. Confirmed my start date was on Monday. It was all over. I was able to negotiate a 10% signing bonus which helped. We are still without insurance until June 1, but the benefits are better and less expensive, so it’s not all bad. I’m not celebrating. I’m not mad at my new employer. I’m ready to get to work and put this whole mini-sabbatical behind me. It worked out. Not the way I planned it, but everything turns out the way it should. I found my patience but I fell into despair and despondence more than once. Life doesn’t always reward you in the way you think it should. Things don’t always happen right away. Sometimes, it drags on and takes time. I was handed another test. Not sure I passed, but I stood my ground despite the lack of forward motion. I’m moving forward even though we were held back for a bit. I did not find enlightenment. I found steadiness. Get full access to Rewired at rpshanahan.substack.com/subscribe
