Real & Rooted

Lori
  • 5.0 (4)
  • Relationships

Real & Rooted is a sanctuary for honest, heart‑level conversations where we explore grief, resilience, and the quiet strength that emerges when we tell the truth about our lives. It’s a grounded space for reflection, healing, and community — a place to feel seen, supported, and anchored as we grow toward a more wholehearted way of living. 

  1. Oct 7

    Grief & The Hidden Loneliness of Sleeping Beside Someone You Love

    What Grief Does to a Marriage Lori explores how devastating loss can change a marriage from the inside out, especially when both people are grieving the same person in different ways. This episode is a candid, compassionate look at distance, resentment, vulnerability, and whether a relationship can be rebuilt after trauma. In this episode, Lori shares how grief can create emotional isolation even in the same house, why “being strong” can become a kind of prison, and why couples often end up fighting about surface issues when the real pain is deeper. She also offers a practical framework for reconnecting through honesty, curiosity, and small conversations. Key topics Grief does not only take the person who died - it can also pull at the marriage, the family identity, and the life you had beforeLori explains how two people can love each other deeply and still feel emotionally abandonedThe episode names a common grief pattern: one spouse seems distant, while the other feels unseen, unsupported, or resentedResentment often hides underneath everyday arguments about tone, chores, money, or silenceLori describes how “armor” forms after trauma when people learn to function instead of feelBeing labeled “strong” can make it harder to admit when you are falling apartGrief is not a competition - people can mourn the same loss in completely different waysCompassion is framed as curiosity, especially asking, “Tell me why you feel that way”The episode distinguishes between understanding grief and excusing harmful behaviorLori encourages couples to ask who they are now, instead of trying to recover who they were before the lossTimestamps 00:00 - Setting the tone for a conversation about grief and marriage  01:21 - The question nobody prepares couples for after a devastating loss  03:44 - How survival can slowly turn into emotional distance  05:06 - When love is still there, but communication breaks down  07:00 - “How does one drowning person rescue another drowning person?”  09:17 - Resentment begins quietly, not always with obvious conflict  11:52 - A pause to ask when the couple started surviving separately  12:22 - Grieving the person who died and everything attached to them  15:23 - Grieving who your spouse used to be, and who you used to be  16:33 - The armor people build just to keep functioning  18:18 - Why vulnerability feels dangerous after trauma  19:02 - Surface fights that are really about fear, abandonment, and hurt  21:12 - Finding the sentence underneath the anger  22:27 - Why grief comparisons damage relationships  24:00 - How two people can miss each other even while grieving in the same house  26:28 - One sentence, one truth, one piece of armor at a time  27:26 - Responding to vulnerability with curiosity instead of defensiveness  28:42 - Remembering the version of your partner you once chose  29:31 - Devotion after loss looks less romantic and more practical  31:41 - Love and boundaries can coexist  32:40 - Why the real question is not “How do we go back?”  33:24 - Re-introducing yourselves to each other after life changes everything  35:49 - A small first step: ask what grief has been like for your partner  36:47 - Saying “I love you and I don’t know how to find you anymore”  37:54 - Compassion after devastation means wanting to care that you hurt someone  38:52 - Practical prompts for a bridge-building conversation  40:19 - Love after hell may be simpler, quieter, and more honest  42:30 - What grief can do to the vows and the marriage underneath them  43:31 - Taking off the armor and saying, “Here I am”  44:26 - The possibility of building a new marriage after loss  45:12 - Closing reflection on truth, healing, relationships, and staying rooted Action items Sit across from your spouse or partner without phones or distractionsFinish these sentence prompts: Since everything happened, I've been afraid that...The time I felt most alone was...Something I wish you understood about my grief is...Something I think I misunderstood is...What I miss about us is...What I still love about us is...What I need from you now is...Ask one honest question instead of making a caseIf the conversation gets too big, stop and return to it another dayTry saying one simple truth: “I’m lonely,” “I’m angry,” “I need you,” or “I don’t know how to be your wife or husband right now”Notable quotes “Sometimes strong becomes a prison.” “Grief can explain behavior. It doesn't automatically excuse it.” “Maybe the bravest thing isn't fighting harder. Maybe it's putting the weapons down.” Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

  2. Sep 30

    Life After Loss: Grief, Marriage, Parenthood, and Finding Your Shoreline

    Lori opens Season 2 with a deeply personal reflection on what it means to move from surviving to living after loss. She talks through how grief reshapes marriage, parenting, identity, and faith, using the shoreline as the central metaphor for healing, growth, and resilience. This episode is a solo conversation from Lori, and it matters because it names the quiet ways grief changes every relationship around us. If you have been trying to hold it all together while rebuilding your life, this episode offers language, honesty, and permission to be real. Key topics Lori frames Season 2 around the shift from survival to living, and from healing in private to speaking honestly about the ongoing work of grief.She explains how grief is not just personal, it ripples through marriage, family, communication, and the way support is given and received.Lori shares that marriage after loss is not about going back to who you were before, but about moving forward with vulnerability, honesty, and intentional care.She describes how grief changed the way she and her husband relate, including learning to say what support actually looks like instead of assuming it.She reflects on being the “strong one” for years and how grief forced her to admit she does not have to carry everything.Lori talks about empty nesting as another major identity shift, especially when parenthood changes with grown children and with the memory of her angel child.She shares that podcasting became her place to put the truth, a space where she can speak without interruption and process grief while still growing.The shoreline metaphor anchors the episode: erosion as overwhelm, shifting sand as identity, rebuilding as healing, roots as grounding, and waves as proof that movement means life.Lori briefly speaks about faith as a lighthouse in the storm, including the image of footprints in the sand and the idea that divine presence can remain even when it feels hidden.She closes by reminding listeners that they are allowed to change, rebuild, and grow without pretending to be unbreakable.Timestamps (0:03) Welcome back and the season’s focus on surviving the storm(1:09) Season 2 begins: living after loss, not just surviving it(2:34) Sitting with grief and realizing old wounds are still tender(3:09) How grief changes a marriage and reshapes a couple(4:08) Why the podcast is about redefining existence, not returning to normal(4:59) How grief affects communication, needs, and emotional distance(6:05) Carrying the whole house on your back and questioning strength(7:23) Grief’s quiet reminder that you do not have to carry everything(7:58) Marriage after loss: vulnerability as intimacy(9:27) Shared truth, support, and a relationship rearranged, not broken(11:14) Empty nesting and the identity shift in parenthood(12:44) Supporting grown children without holding on too tightly(14:24) Why podcasting became the place to tell the truth(15:39) Creating grounding for listeners in their own storms(17:00) Faith as a lighthouse in the storm(19:13) The shoreline metaphor: grief meets growth(20:47) Real, not polished, and learning that perfection is not required(23:30) Permission to change, rebuild, and grow with the tides(24:13) Season 2’s core message: grounding, softness, and truthNotable quotes Copy “Grief rearranged the furniture in my soul.” Copy “Marriage isn’t built on silence. It’s built on shared truth.” Copy “You don’t have to carry everything.” Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

  3. Sep 23

    What Survival Reveals

    Lori reflects on a hard personal season and the quote that opened the episode: that the worst times of life reveal the true colors of people around us, and of ourselves. She unpacks grief, career disruption, and the quiet ways survival mode can look like strength while actually keeping us locked behind a steel gate. This episode is especially meaningful for anyone carrying loss while still functioning on the outside. Lori shares a vulnerable story about a welfare check, the people who stayed, and what it means to notice, ask, and stand watch for each other. Key topics Lori explores how a single quote about “true colors” can reveal not only who stays and who leaves, but also who we become under pressure.She shares how the last 2.5 years after losing Kole have reshaped her life, identity, and sense of direction.In this episode, she explains the difference between accountability and self-blame, especially when grief and uncertainty make every setback feel personal.She reflects on survival mode as something that can look like strength from the outside while actually numbing grief, joy, and vulnerability.Lori discusses how career instability can deepen loss, especially when professional identity has been tightly connected to self-worth.She names the people who stayed, checked in, and remembered Kole, showing that presence is a choice, not a title or obligation.She shares a deeply vulnerable welfare check story that highlights how functioning and being okay are not the same thing.Lori argues that crisis does not always look like collapse and that people often need someone to ask the real question and stay for the answer.She offers a practical way forward: stop arguing with reality, stop chasing unavailable support, protect what matters, and let go of what no longer serves.The episode closes with a call to move from surviving to living, making room for grief and joy in the same heart.Timestamps 00:00 - A quote that changes the whole conversation  03:35 - Why survival mode can feel familiar and safe  06:28 - Losing professional footing after personal loss  08:25 - Accountability versus self-blame  12:05 - The people who stay and keep showing up  14:41 - How survival mode can hide behind success  16:23 - The steel gate and the cost of numbing pain  18:23 - Allowing grief instead of just talking about it  20:32 - Ordinary moments that become extraordinary after loss  23:10 - A Coast Guard friend stands watch from afar  26:52 - Why functioning is not the same as being okay  29:13 - What it means to stand watch for someone  32:17 - Stop chasing what is not available  34:30 - Cleaning house: relationships, guilt, and old identities  35:52 - Learning how to live, not just survive  36:58 - Joy is not betrayal for grieving parents  39:28 - Seeing your own colors in the hardest season  41:19 - What your worst season may be revealing  44:23 - Caring enough to notice and stay  45:41 - The lesson behind the quote: grief, loyalty, resilience  47:35 - Final encouragement for anyone in survival mode  48:58 - How to continue the conversation and support the work  54:19 - Let someone else stand watch for you Notable quotes “Survival mode isn’t strength. It looks like strength from the outside, but it isn’t.” “Functioning and okay are not the same thing.” “The worst time of your life may reveal the true colors of everyone, but it also gives you the opportunity to decide what colors you want to carry forward.” Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

  4. Sep 16

    Prevention: Mental Health Contributors & How to Access Help

    Military mental health, suicide warning signs, and how to get help Lori Kendall opens with a direct, personal conversation about military mental health and why the hardest topics need to be spoken about plainly. She focuses on what warning signs can look like, how suicide risk can hide behind “functioning,” and what service members, families, and command can do before a crisis hits.This episode is a resource-driven discussion for military members and families, with special attention to the Coast Guard, the Brandon Act, Military OneSource, and the Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project. Lori also connects alcohol use, traumatic brain injury, repeated head impacts, and isolation to the larger mental health picture. Key topics Lori explains the show’s purpose: honest conversations about pain, grief, trauma, and military life without pretending everything is fine.The episode centers on military mental health, suicide risk, alcohol misuse, traumatic brain injury, and repeated head impacts.Lori stresses that the biggest barrier is often not whether resources exist, but whether people believe they are allowed to use them.She names several warning signs that can be easy to miss: angerincreased alcohol usesleep changesgiving away possessionsreckless behaviorisolationsudden calm or cheerfulnessstatements like “everyone would be better off without me”Lori emphasizes that suicide risk does not always look like obvious despair. Sometimes the person is still working, laughing, joking, and showing up.She describes how multiple stressors can stack together: brain injurypoor sleepdepressionalcohol userelationship strainfinancial stresschronic painlonelinessLori frames asking for help as responsibility, not weakness, and says no one should have to “earn” mental health care by reaching a crisis point.She discusses the Brandon Act as a way for service members to request a mental health evaluation through their chain of command.She gives practical guidance for service members, spouses, and family members on when and how to reach out, including speaking to command, chaplains, medical providers, and trusted support people.The Coast Guard gets special focus because of its unique missions, isolation, remote assignments, and the need for unit-level family and peer support.Lori closes by urging listeners to notice changes, ask direct questions, and act early rather than waiting until someone is in immediate danger.Timestamps 00:00 - Lori introduces the show’s mission: honest conversations about hard things  01:28 - Military mental health, suicide, alcohol, and traumatic brain injury enter the conversation  03:17 - Why “resources are available” is not enough  04:30 - Crisis support numbers and when to use them  05:54 - Stop seeing the uniform before the human being  08:08 - Chronic pain, grief, loneliness, and other hidden risk factors  11:09 - Why asking for help is responsible, not disloyal  13:07 - Suicide risk does not always look like obvious despair  14:17 - Common warning signs families and peers can miss  18:32 - Risk factors stack, but they do not equal predictions  20:08 - How connected stressors create a system breakdown  24:36 - Why an injured brain changes the conversation  29:23 - Compassion and boundaries can exist together  31:39 - Alcohol as part of the larger equation  35:08 - No one gets extra points for suffering silently  36:13 - Practical resources for Coast Guard members and military families  39:31 - How the Brandon Act supports self-advocacy  42:03 - Why Coast Guard isolation makes peer support critical  45:01 - Why both professional and peer support matter  50:40 - Military mental health follows families home  52:09 - High performers can still be struggling  55:21 - Returning to the injured brain and unanswered questions  60:50 - Direct message to the service member who feels alone  62:42 - A message to spouses, parents, siblings, and friends  67:10 - Pay attention, ask, listen, connect, stay  68:50 - What to say when you do not know what else to say Notable quotes “You deserve support before you deserve the crisis.” “You do not have to fall apart publicly to deserve help privately.” “You don’t have to wait until someone is suicidal to care.” Action items If you are in immediate danger or thinking about suicide, call or text 988.Service members and veterans can use the Military Crisis Line by calling 988 and pressing 1, or texting 838255.Military OneSource: 1-800-342-9647Save your support options before a crisis happens.If you are struggling, talk to: a medical providera chaplainyour commandMilitary OneSourcethe Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Projectthe Mikey FoundationIf you are a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend, speak up when you notice changes in sleep, mood, drinking, isolation, or behavior.If you do not know what to say, start with: “I’m here. I see you. You’re not alone.”Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

  5. Sep 11

    Awareness to Prevention: Rally the Troops

    Awareness alone does not save lives - prevention starts with the conversations we are willing to have before a crisis ever arrives.  Lori delivers a deeply personal and urgent episode about moving from suicide awareness to real-world action, especially for military families, service members, veterans, and anyone who loves someone carrying pain in silence. After opening the season with the reality of grief, trauma, and the hidden battle many service members face, Lori goes further here by sharing what prevention actually looks like: recognizing subtle warning signs, asking direct questions, building a circle of support, and using resources before someone reaches a breaking point. She speaks from lived experience after losing her son, Petty Officer Third Class Kole T. Kendall of the United States Coast Guard and explains why the strongest people are often the ones carrying the heaviest burdens. You'll discover:   Why suicide prevention cannot stop at September or any awareness month  The warning signs people miss, including the quiet, “I’m fine” version of crisis  How to “rally the troops” around someone in danger without making them carry it alone  Why asking, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” does not plant the idea  How connection, follow-through, and staying present can open the door to hope  What grief and trauma really look like after loss, including the hidden ways they reshape parenting, relationships, and daily life  Lori also tackles the hard questions families often face but rarely get answered: Where do you go for help? What happens if you’re active duty, single, or afraid to tell command? What if you need support before everything falls apart? She points listeners to resources like 988, the Veterans Crisis Line, the Brandon Act, and the Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project, while reminding us that help should be accessible long before emergency hits.This episode is a powerful reminder that prevention is everyone’s responsibility, that grief changes us but does not have to define us, and that one caring conversation can create the space someone needs to stay. Essential listening for military families, first responders, caregivers, advocates, and anyone who wants to help someone through the battle no one sees. Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

  6. Sep 2

    The Battle No One Sees

    Show Notes In this episode of The Real and Rooted Podcast, Lori Kendall opens Season 2 by sharing the personal and emotional journey that shaped this new chapter. She reflects on stepping away to care for her mental health, process grief, and rebuild, setting the tone for a season focused on deeper listening, healing, and growth. The episode centers on “the battle no one sees” — the invisible struggles many service members and veterans carry home with them. Lori discusses military suicide, the unique challenges faced by Coast Guardsmen, and the complexities of grief, identity, and transition after service. She emphasizes that these conversations are not about statistics alone, but about real people, families, and names. Key themes include:  The hidden impact of grief and mental health struggles The unique stressors of Coast Guard service Why military suicide is more complex than many people realize The importance of community, connection, and asking direct questions How remembrance and prevention both matterLori also challenges the idea that suicide loss should be excluded from remembrance and argues that honoring these lives does not diminish combat loss. Instead, it recognizes another kind of sacrifice and another battle fought in silence. Her message is clear: awareness is not enough. Action, support, and honest conversation save lives. The episode closes with a call to check on the people who seem strongest, stay present, and help build the kind of community that can protect and support those still here. Highlights Season 2 begins with a deeper focus on grief and healingLori shares the invisible realities of military and veteran suicideThe Coast Guard’s unique risks and reporting gaps are exploredThe episode calls for community action, connection, and supportA powerful reminder: every life saved is another story continuedResources Mentioned Department of Defense military suicide reportingVA veteran suicide reportingCall to Action If this conversation resonated with you, download, listen, and share the episode. Most importantly, check in on someone who may be struggling — because it takes a community to save a life. Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

  7. Aug 26

    The Struggle of a Mother

    Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

  8. May 11

    Mother's Day and the Power of Reset: Finding Wholeness Amidst Grief and Growth

    This special Mother’s Day episode dives into the layered emotions of motherhood—love, grief, resilience, and renewal. Lori shares her personal journey and insights on how grief reshapes us and why taking mental resets is vital for growth and healing. Key topics:  The duality of Mother’s Day — celebration and loss How grief reorganizes the architecture of our lives and identities The importance of mental resets as survival tools in motherhood The concept of “missing pieces” and how they refine rather than define us Redefining strength through honesty, pause, and resilience The evolving nature of motherhood and identity at the shoreline Practical ways to embrace resets: asking for help, setting boundaries, forgiving oneself The significance of integrating grief and honoring the past while building the future The power of choosing to move forward differently—not backward Timestamps:  00:00 - Introduction to the layered feelings of Mother’s Day 00:12 - The reality behind the idealized Mother’s Day  00:45 - Grief’s impact on life and identity  01:17 - Surviving and adapting after loss  01:57 - The silence and gaps in sacred spaces  02:28 - What happens when the pillar of strength cracks  02:51 - Mothering while evolving and mental resets as essential tools  03:21 - Reflecting on personal growth and change through motherhood  03:50 - The importance of mental health and self-care  04:37 - Making space for grief and loss  05:08 - The shoreline metaphor: grief, motherhood, growth  05:58 - How each child witnesses a different version of mothering  06:28 - The ongoing evolution of motherhood over the years  07:12 - Resistance to resets and embracing water over concrete  07:43 - Redefining strength: honesty, pause, and healing  08:16 - The transformative power of pieces falling away  09:14 - Grief and love coexistence  09:33 - Facing the terrifying truth of change  10:01 - The promise of resilience and forging new paths  10:43 - Honoring internal struggles while continuing to evolve  11:10 - Encouragement for mothers feeling overwhelmed  11:40 - Practical steps for mental resets: asking for help, boundaries, forgiveness 12:37 - Redefining strength—inner resilience and honesty  13:20 - Moving from memory to integration after profound loss  13:36 - The importance of evolution and the continual process of healing  14:07 - Acceptance that not all pieces will return  14:40 - Carrying the past, honoring the present, building the future  15:08 - Celebrating the resilient, honest, and brave mother  15:42 - The significance of ongoing resets and continuous growth  16:29 - Shifting the focus from why to who we are becoming  16:42 - Motherhood as a shoreline that shifts and reshapes  17:01 - Embracing the emotional spectrum of Mother’s Day  17:43 - Encouragement to share the message of reset and renewal  18:13 - Closing thoughts and gratitude Resources & Links:  Book: Missing Pieces by Lori Kendall  Connect with Lori: Facebook Remember, motherhood and grief are ongoing journeys. Embrace each reset as a step toward becoming more whole and authentic. Support the show Visit Missing Pieces The Final Salute Group on Facebook Real & Rooted Podcast Missing Pieces Book Order  The Kole T. Kendall Anchored Navigation Project

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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

Real & Rooted is a sanctuary for honest, heart‑level conversations where we explore grief, resilience, and the quiet strength that emerges when we tell the truth about our lives. It’s a grounded space for reflection, healing, and community — a place to feel seen, supported, and anchored as we grow toward a more wholehearted way of living. 

Information

  • Creator
    Lori
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    21
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Real & Rooted
  • Show Website
    Real & Rooted