Feel Known & Be Known: identity, relationships, growth, and the space between

Katrina Perera
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Discover yourself through the lens of the Enneagram. Join hosts Katrina and Laurel for honest, relatable conversations about personality, relationships, and personal growth. 🎙️ What You'll Explore: • Enneagram types and personality insights • What parenting reveals about you • Self-awareness and emotional intelligence • Communication styles and relationship dynamics • Personal development and mindful growth Perfect for anyone seeking deeper self-understanding, better relationships, upgraded patterns, and meaningful personal transformation. New episodes every other Thursday.

  1. Aug 13

    Milestones: Put Me in a Box When Judgment Grows Up Into Discernment

    I’m starting the Enneagram series of Milestones with Type 1. Not because Ones are the judgmental ones. The other eight of us aren’t getting off that easily. 🙃 I’m starting with the One because I’m fascinated by what happens to a beautiful developmental gift: Integrity. There is a right way and a wrong way. I can tell the difference. I want to do what is right. But somewhere along the way… I want to do what is right can become I should know what is right. And then: I should get it right. And eventually: If I get it wrong, what does that say about me? So this episode asks: When does integrity become perfectionism? When does conviction become rigidity? When does judgment become condemnation? And what has to develop before judgment can become discernment? But there’s another layer to this episode that feels important: If I’m going to make judgments about how other people judge, then my judgments need to be available for interrogation too. So, Ones especially, I want to know: Where do you feel accurately known in this conversation? Where do you feel misunderstood? Where am I describing the interior experience of a One—and where am I simply putting Ones into another beautifully labeled box? Because maybe the goal was never to stop putting things in boxes. Maybe it’s to become humble enough to keep asking questions after we do. An accurate label can still be an incomplete description.

  2. Jul 30

    Adult Developmental Milestones: the ones that matter most are the ones we stop measuring

    We celebrate a baby's first smile, first steps, and first words. We fill baby books with developmental milestones. But what if we never stopped developing? What if adulthood has milestones too—not the kind your pediatrician measures, but the kind your relationships reveal? In this episode, Katrina explores how the lessons we teach our children often become mirrors for our own unfinished growth. Why is it easier to tell a four-year-old to share than to share our own time? Why do children practice walking while adults call it failure? What if a child's first lie isn't simply rebellion, but evidence of a developing inner world? And what if our job—both as parents and as fellow humans—is to create relationships where truth feels safe enough to emerge? Together, we'll explore curiosity, honesty, repair, boundaries, emotional regulation, faith, and forgiveness through the surprising lens of childhood developmental milestones. Because maybe we haven't stopped growing. Maybe we've just stopped calling them developmental milestones. Why adulthood may have developmental milestones too What your children reveal about your own emotional and spiritual formation The surprising connection between learning to walk and learning to fail Why children lie—and what it teaches us about adult honesty How relationships become the truest measure of our growth A gentler, more hopeful way to think about becoming Whether you're parenting toddlers, leading a team, navigating relationships, or simply trying to become a little more whole, this conversation is an invitation to trade comparison for curiosity—and to see yourself with a little more compassion. Because we're all still becoming.

  3. Jul 16

    What a Big Fraud am I to What a Good God on High

    The older (and naturally, wiser;)) I get, the less convinced I am that children are the ones who need the lessons. "Share your toys." Then I discover how tightly I hold my stories. "Use your words." Then I realize how long I've lived without language for my own pain. "You don't have to earn my love." Then I notice how often I still try to earn the Love that has already called me beloved. What if parenting isn't primarily about raising children... What if it's about uncovering the child still being raised within us? Maybe that's why the deepest wisdom often feels like déjà vu. Not because we've never heard it before. But because we're finally ready to live it. This episode is an invitation to laugh gently at the ego that wants to be the teacher... ...and to become grateful for the Love that patiently keeps teaching us. 🎙️ New episode: What a Big Fraud Am I

  4. Jul 4

    What or Who is Worthy of Your Wholeheartedness? flipping over the price tag of the Enneagram's Sexual Instinct

    What has quietly become worthy of your wholeheartedness? Not everything that captures your attention deserves your devotion. Some relationships do.Some churches do.Some careers do. And every one of them is quietly shaping the person you are becoming. In this episode of Feel Known Be Known, Katrina explores the Enneagram's most misunderstood instinct—the Sexual (One-to-One) Instinct—not primarily through the lens of sexuality, but through attraction, wholeheartedness, and transformation. Beginning with her own unexpected obsession with the Enneagram, Katrina traces the journey from attraction, to absorption, to transformation, asking one question that quietly shapes every human life: What is worthy of my wholeheartedness? Together we'll explore: • Why not everything that activates you transforms you• How to discern whether what you're giving yourself to is making you more loving—or simply more activated Because every attraction has a direction.Every devotion has a price tag.Every wholehearted surrender is quietly making someone of us. The question isn't whether you'll be transformed. The question is whether what you've decided is worthy of your wholeheartedness is worthy of the person you're becoming.

  5. Jun 18

    The Cost of Being a Good Person: Flipping over the hidden price tags of integrity, connection, achievement, wisdom, strength, and peace

    Most of us assume our greatest strengths are purely gifts. Integrity. Care. Achievement. Authenticity. Wisdom. Loyalty. Possibility. Strength. Peace. These qualities help us belong. They help us contribute. They help us matter. They have helped us then, surely they must help us now. But what if every strength comes with a hidden price tag? In this episode, we explore the social instinct through the lens of the Enneagram and the nervous system. Together, we'll examine how each personality type searches for belonging, significance, and stewardship—and what happens when a healthy strategy slowly becomes an identity. Type One flips over integrity and discovers perfectionism—and eventually, the feeling of never being enough. Type Two flips over connection and discovers people-pleasing—until they become invisible to themselves. Type Three flips over significance and discovers performance—until proving replaces simply being. Type Four flips over authenticity and discovers comparison—until uniqueness becomes loneliness. Type Five flips over understanding and discovers withdrawal—until observation replaces participation. Type Six flips over safety and discovers vigilance—until preparation becomes worry. Type Seven flips over freedom and discovers avoidance—until possibility becomes escapism. Type Eight flips over strength and discovers control—until protection becomes burden. Type Nine flips over peace and discovers self-forgetting—until harmony costs them their own voice. The goal isn't to stop improving, helping, achieving, creating, understanding, protecting, inspiring, strengthening, or harmonizing. The goal is to become conscious of the hidden transaction. Because once we see the price tag, we finally have a choice. And that is where transformation begins. Join me as we explore the gifts, the costs, and the deeper invitation beneath them all: discovering that belonging was never something we had to earn in the first place.

  6. Jun 9

    Self-Preservation: Conservation in Transformation through the safety, security, and sustainability

    In this episode of Feel Known, Be Known, we explore the Self-Preservation Instinct through the lens of safety, security, and sustainability—the three foundational forces that shape how we survive, conserve energy, manage resources, and create stability in our lives. Why do some people constantly prepare for worst-case scenarios? Why do others struggle to rest until every responsibility is handled? And how does our nervous system influence the way we seek comfort, predictability, and control? Drawing from the Enneagram, attachment patterns, neuroscience, and lived experience, we'll uncover how the self-preservation instinct shows up in each of the nine Enneagram types. You'll learn how this instinct can be a powerful gift that helps us build healthy rhythms, steward our resources, and care for ourselves and others. You'll also discover how it can become overactive, leading to anxiety, scarcity thinking, hyper-independence, burnout, or resistance to change. Most importantly, we'll explore the tension between conservation and transformation—how growth requires enough safety to risk change, and how true sustainability involves more than simply maintaining the status quo. Whether you're new to the Enneagram or a seasoned student of personality and personal growth, this conversation will help you better understand your survival strategies, your relationship with security, and the path toward greater freedom, resilience, and trust. Topics covered:• The Self-Preservation Instinct and the Enneagram• Safety, Security, and Sustainability• Nervous System Responses and Survival Strategies• Resource Management and Energy Conservation• How Self-Preservation Shows Up in All Nine Types• Scarcity, Control, and Over-Preparation• Personal Growth, Transformation, and Trust• Faith, Resilience, and Human Flourishing #Enneagram #SelfPreservation #PersonalGrowth #NervousSystem #AttachmentTheory #PersonalityTypes #SpiritualGrowth #MentalHealth #SelfAwareness #Transformation #FeelKnownBeKnown

  7. May 23

    Common Sense Isn't So Common: through the Enneagram instinct lens

    Why is it that one person packs all the snacks, sunscreen, electrolyte packets, backup outfits, and a roadside emergency kit for a 14-minute drive… while another person forgets- rather doesn't consider bringing- the diaper bag entirely and says, “It’ll probably be fine”? And why do both people genuinely believe they are the reasonable one? In this episode, we’re talking about why common sense isn’t actually common — through the lens of the Enneagram instincts. Because most conflict is not logic versus logic.It’s instinct versus instinct. One person’s internal system is asking:“Am I safe?” Another is asking:“Do I belong?” And another is asking:“What/where is the meaning of all this?” Welcome to the intriguing and deeply revealing world of the self-preservation, social, and sexual (one-to-one) instincts — the unconscious operating systems quietly- and not so quietly- shaping your marriage, parenting, friendships, finances, vacations, career choices, and FB comments. This episode is part neuroscience, part relationship therapy, part spiritual formation, and part:“oh no… this explains every argument my spouse and I have ever had on a road trip.” We cover: Why some people prepare for every possible disaster Why some people need meaning and intensity like oxygen Why others instinctively track group dynamics everywhere they go Why emotionally healthy conflict requires understanding different instinctive realities And why your neglected instinct or your 'blindspot' is probably where you experience the most dysregulation Also discussed:feral motherhood lunches,naked diaper babies,vacation planning warfare,the psychology of “good vibes,”and why stability may currently be filing a restraining order against your personality. Painfully accurate. Slightly exposing. Deeply practical. Because once you realize people are not seeing the same reality you are…you stop asking:“How could they possibly think that?” And you start asking:“What instinct are they protecting?” Trust me, this will absolutely change your relationships. Send this to the one who doesn't share your sense of common sense;)

  8. Apr 30

    The Flooded Bridge: When Your Support System Fails and Your Hair Smells Like Seaweed

    Why does growth make your life feel like it’s falling apart… right when you’re trying to heal? In this episode of Feel Known & Be Known, Katrina gets honest about the part no one warns you about: self-awareness can feel like losing your support system, your footing… even yourself. When the people, patterns, and coping strategies that once held you together start to feel like they’re working against you—what then? We’re talking: Why Enneagram + therapy work feels so hardThe idea of “tormentors as mentors” (yes, really)What to do when your emotional “bridge” collapsesWhen to stop muscling through and actually get supportHow to hold pain and growth at the same timeThis is for you if you’ve ever thought:“Why do I feel worse after doing the work?” You’re not broken. You’re in it. And the only way out… is through. 🎧 Tune in if you’re navigating personal growth, healing, identity, relationships, and faith in the middle of the mess. #therapy #enneagram #selfgrowth #healingjourney #christianpodcast #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #innerwork #relationships #spiritualgrowth

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About

Discover yourself through the lens of the Enneagram. Join hosts Katrina and Laurel for honest, relatable conversations about personality, relationships, and personal growth. 🎙️ What You'll Explore: • Enneagram types and personality insights • What parenting reveals about you • Self-awareness and emotional intelligence • Communication styles and relationship dynamics • Personal development and mindful growth Perfect for anyone seeking deeper self-understanding, better relationships, upgraded patterns, and meaningful personal transformation. New episodes every other Thursday.

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