Differentiated Love and Sex

Jackie Aston and Catherine Roebuck
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Relationships

Differentiated Love & Sex is a relationship podcast about emotional differentiation, intimacy, and building healthier partnerships. Hosted by Jackie Aston, a licensed psychotherapist with 10+ years of experience working with individuals and couples, and Catherine Roebuck, a relationship coach who helps entrepreneurs and working professionals improve their relationships. Each episode explores relationship dynamics, communication, sex, boundaries, and personal growth so couples can stay connected without losing themselves. New episodes are available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

  1. 23h ago

    How to Deal with ED and Premature Ejaculation

    This episode deals with the way that anxiety in and about sex and sexual performance can contribute to ED and premature ejaculation. What this episode covers: - The actual difference between premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, and why anxiety plays a role in both, just in opposite directions - Why mentally checking out during sex to manage arousal or anxiety reduces the pressure but kills the connection and the pleasure at the same time - What happens in a couple when sex turns into "checking a box," including how both partners end up tracking each other's dissatisfaction instead of being present with each other - Why building capacity to stay with intensity, whether that's anxiety or pleasure, matters more long term than any technique - How managing or caretaking a partner through sexual difficulty can start to feel condescending and get in the way of them facing what's actually going on This is the kind of pattern Jackie and Catherine work through with clients regularly, and if it's resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for you. Free consultation | Substack | Podcast Chapters 00:00 Cold open: performance and cutting off arousal 01:06 Intro 01:34 Why we're talking about anxiety, PE, and ED 01:39 The difference between premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction 03:38 How anxiety factors into reaching orgasm 07:17 Sex later in life and having a broader menu of options 07:51 The couple example: checked-box sex and unspoken meanings 12:15 Brain wiring and why the pattern keeps reinforcing itself 16:44 Building capacity and figuring out what you actually want 19:00 Wanting to be desired vs. the fear of finding out 25:32 Overfunctioning, fusion, and when managing a partner backfires 28:32 Moving past orgasm-focused sex 34:58 The midlife shift from premature ejaculation to erectile dysfunction 36:17 Staying present instead of pulling away 37:09 Slowing down and working with arousal at every level 41:44 Why more time often beats more frequency 43:34 Performance framing and what it's doing to younger people's sex lives To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  2. Sep 8

    When and How to Advocate for your Partner

    There's a specific kind of confusion that shows up when your partner is dealing with your parents, your child's school, or a hard medical moment, and you're not sure whether stepping in is support or overreach. A lot of us were never given a clear line between the two, so we either do too much or step back and call it respecting someone's independence. What this episode covers: - The difference between advocating for a partner and taking over a problem that isn't yours - Why labor and delivery, serious illness, or memory loss are different from everyday decisions, and what real advocacy looks like when someone genuinely can't speak for themselves in the moment - Why it's your responsibility to handle your own parents or in-laws when they cross a boundary with your partner, even if you weren't in the room when it happened - How one parent quietly taking on all of a child's school and medical decisions becomes a relationship problem, not just a logistics one - Why inherited family rules (like being taught to be a "wallflower" around in-laws) shape what people believe their responsibility is, and what it takes to question those rules instead of just following them This is a distinction Jackie and Catherine work through with clients often, especially couples caught between family loyalty and their own relationship. If this is landing for you, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact | Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web | Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity Chapters 00:00 Advocacy vs. rescuing, the core distinction 01:57 What advocating for a partner actually means 03:00 Medical situations where advocacy is clear 06:56 When "we don't bother each other" misses real care 08:24 Advocating without waiting to be asked 09:49 In-laws crossing a boundary with your partner 14:20 Why parents can resent the marriage itself 18:05 The comic about regressing at your parents' house 22:52 Co-parenting as shared advocacy 33:02 Inherited family rules about showing up 39:56 Taking your own position instead of absorbing someone else's To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  3. Sep 1

    Why Healing From an Affair Is About Both Parnters' Integrity

    Dr. Corey Allan, of Sexy Marriage Radio, joins to talk about affairs. Not as a betrayal to recover from, but as something that surfaces exactly where each partner has been avoiding their own integrity. What this episode covers: - Why treating infidelity as the core problem misses what was already present in the marriage before it happened - The reframe that betrayal isn't something done to the hurt spouse, it's collateral damage from what a partner did to themselves and to the relationship system - Why surveillance, tracking, and constant transparency create exhausting hypervigilance instead of real security - The integrity work required of both partners, including the spouse who sensed something was off long before it surfaced and didn't act on it - Why taking a partner's choices less personally is what actually makes it possible to be more known, more real, inside the marriage Dr. Corey Allan joins Jackie and Catherine to talk through this using his own training under David Schnarch and 25 years of clinical work with couples facing infidelity. To find out more about his work, check out his podcast, Sexy Marriage Radio. This kind of work, helping both partners face their own integrity rather than assigning blame to one side, is central to what Jackie and Catherine do with clients as well. If this is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk through what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation | Substack | Podcast Chapters 00:00 A charged topic: integrity on both sides of an affair 01:33 Introducing Dr. Corey Allan 02:48 Corey's marriage and how Schnarch's work changed his practice 05:06 Infidelity as a symptom, not the primary problem 09:39 Why the betrayed spouse says "you did this to me" 13:03 Naming the dynamic: resolute spouse and strayed spouse 17:09 Why surveillance and transparency don't create lasting safety 19:04 Taking things less personally so you can be more personal 27:12 A client story: drawing the line in an open marriage 31:01 Corey's own story: the ring given back 39:36 When "I'm sorry" isn't real: repeat betrayals 43:44 Integrity as the real work for both partners To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  4. Aug 27

    Why the "Calm" Partner Isn't Always the Healthy One: Michael and Michal from Couples Therapy

    If you've ever watched a couple fight and found yourself immediately deciding who the reasonable one is, this episode is for you. It's easy to hand that title to whoever looks calmest in the room. It's a lot harder to notice what the calm one might be doing to keep the other person worked up. In this episode we watch clips of Michael and Michal from Couples Therapy and talk through what's actually happening underneath the fighting. What this episode covers: - Why one partner doing all the visible work (the yelling, the criticizing, the pushing) doesn't mean the other partner is doing nothing - How a partner who looks smooth and reasonable can still be actively provoking the dynamic, just in ways that are harder to see and easier to deny - The overfunctioning and underfunctioning pattern this couple is co-creating together, and why neither person can fix it alone - What's underneath the wife wanting her husband to "just be a little more like me," and why that picture falls apart under any real pressure - Why the person who's suffering more in a relationship is often the one with more motivation to shift first, and what that shift can actually look like This is the kind of dynamic Jackie and Catherine work through with clients often, where one partner's visible struggle can obscure the ways both people are keeping the pattern going. If this is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact | Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web | Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity 00:00 Intro 01:19 "If my partner were just different, I'd be happy" 03:11 Two people who enjoy the fight even while they're furious 09:03 Overfunctioning in real time 16:48 Does provoking her actually get more out of him? 25:12 Dr. Orna's intervention and the wife starting to settle 27:59 The husband's quiet ways of revving her up 34:01 A parent-child dynamic instead of two adults 40:22 What each partner would need to face to change this 45:58 Why the person suffering more usually has to go first To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/

  5. Aug 25

    Why the "Calm" Partner in a Fight Isn't Always the Reasonable One

    It's easy to conclude you're the problem because you're the one who's loud about it, and just as easy for your partner to let you believe that. In this episode, Jackie and Catherine watch and react to a clip from Couples Therapy featuring Michael and Michal, breaking down a dynamic where one partner carries all the visible frustration and the other stays calm, relaxed, and seemingly reasonable. What this episode covers: - Why the partner who looks calm in a fight isn't necessarily the one doing less damage - Overfunctioning and underfunctioning in real time: what it looks like when one partner provides all the forward momentum in a relationship - How a partner can provoke and destabilize the other while maintaining plausible deniability, and why that's so hard to call out - The parent-child pattern underneath the conflict, and why one partner's rebellion keeps both people underdeveloped - Why the person who's suffering more in a dynamic is usually the one with more reason to change first, whether or not that feels fair This is the kind of pattern Jackie and Catherine work through with couples regularly, watching for who's actually driving a dynamic versus who just looks like they are. If this is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact | Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web | Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity Chapters 00:00 Intro 01:41 "If my partner were just different" 03:47 Enjoying the fight while being frustrated by it 09:41 Overfunctioning in real time 11:06 Picking a partner who holds what you can't 13:55 A real point buried in an unserious delivery 18:10 Does provoking her actually get him more done? 22:24 The false pictures both partners paint 26:55 A turning point: settling herself down 31:05 Why viewers side with the calm-looking partner 33:44 Provoking as a childhood strategy against a controlling parent 39:31 What a two-hour experiment will cost each of them 46:38 Punishment, sadism, and what it does to a sexual relationship 48:02 Who has more reason to go first To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/

  6. Aug 18

    Why Working on Yourself Changes Your Kid More Than Working on Them

    If you've ever felt personally attacked by a four-year-old's lie or a teenager's eye roll, this episode is for you. A lot of parenting stress comes not from what our kids are actually doing, but from what we make it mean about us, and untangling those two things turns out to be one of the harder parts of raising kids. What this episode covers: - Why lying, defiance, and other frustrating kid behaviors are often normal developmental milestones, not signs that something is wrong with your child or your parenting - The idea of co-development: that raising a child pushes the parent's own growth just as much as it shapes the kid's - Why separating what's happening inside you from what your kid is actually doing is a skill, and one most of us never learned - A real case where a parent's willingness to tolerate her own anxiety, not a change in her child's behavior, was what shifted a child's functioning - What it looks like for parents to loosen control as kids move toward adulthood, and why that transition tests both sides of the relationship This is the kind of pattern Jackie and Catherine help clients work through directly, whether it's showing up with kids, a partner, or both. If any of this sounds familiar, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what working on it could look like. For more information about Aron Carlson or to contact him, visit his Psychology Today profile. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity Chapters 00:00 Intro 01:38 Meet Aron Carlson 02:34 What co-development means 05:59 Why kids lie (and why it's not personal) 11:08 Separating your internal experience from your child's behavior 21:45 A real example: the child, the beds, and what actually changed 35:50 Navigating the teen years and letting go of control 42:57 Where to find Aron To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  7. Aug 11

    Why Being Yourself Around Your Partner Feels So Risky

    We're joined by Todd Bean, a couples therapist in Utah, who talks with us about the real cost of staying who our partner wants us to be instead of who we actually are. In this episode: - How validation-seeking shows up in relationships, and why sacrificing your own wants to "keep the peace" isn't actually peaceful - Why sharing our real beliefs, desires, and interests with a partner can feel riskier than disagreeing about something smaller - The two-choice dilemma Todd names directly: risk being honest about what you want, or stay safe and stagnant - Todd's own story of growing up in the LDS church, coming out, and choosing when and how he'd let that experience change him - A date night that didn't go as planned, where Todd got direct, unflattering feedback from his partner Bo, and what it took to actually hear it instead of defending himself - Why getting honest feedback from a partner who has a front row seat on you is some of the most valuable data available for knowing yourself To find out more about Todd, visit his Psychology Today profile. This is the kind of work Jackie and Catherine do with clients regularly, helping people figure out how to be more themselves with the person they're closest to. If this conversation is resonating, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk through what that could look like for you. Free consultation Substack Podcast 00:00 Intro 00:52 Welcome and meeting Todd Bean 02:41 Authenticity and differentiation, how they connect 03:43 Validation-seeking and giving up parts of yourself to keep the peace 08:06 Hiding your real beliefs, desires, and interests from a partner 10:33 The two-choice dilemma: risk honesty or stay safe 13:14 Todd's story: growing up LDS and finding differentiation young 18:56 Coming out and leaving the church 20:28 The date night that surfaced hard truths about himself 28:47 Growing deeper in love over time instead of chasing the early spark 33:08 Getting honest feedback from a partner as valuable data 34:41 Why authenticity isn't just doing whatever comes naturally 36:13 Where to find Todd To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

  8. Aug 4

    Why is my Partner Fine with the Relationship and I am not?

    Sometimes one partner in a relationship insists everything is fine emotionally and sexually, while the other partner is quietly unhappy, lonely, or wanting more. It can look like a difference in how much each person wants. It's often something else: a position of power that the "fine" partner doesn't fully realize they're holding. What this episode covers: - Why compartmentalizing a relationship, staying stable and unchanged while investing energy elsewhere in parenting, career, or something outside the marriage, can feel safer than facing what's missing - How staying in the lower desire position gives someone control over the terms of connection, deciding when and whether closeness happens - What years of pursuing a partner who won't reciprocate actually costs the person doing the pursuing, and why that strategy eventually stops working - The question underneath "I'm fine": what would I lose if I let myself want more here, and what am I protecting myself from by not asking - Why some couples can work through this gridlock and others hit real limits in compatibility, and how to tell the difference This is a dynamic Jackie and Catherine work through with clients often, and if it's landing for you, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what that could look like for your relationship. Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact | Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web | Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity 00:00 Intro 01:20 Welcome and today's topic 02:18 When "I'm fine" is about compartmentalization 08:08 The power and control in unequal desire 12:14 What the low desire partner risks facing 16:47 Discouragement about the relationship's potential 20:05 Midlife shifts and growing into more connection 27:17 Confidence, vision, and believing change is possible 35:16 Working with couples stuck in "I'm fine" 38:42 Closing thoughts on collusion and growth To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website. https://www.differentiatedlove.com/ https://www.candgtherapy.com/ https://www.catherineroebuck.com/ Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w

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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
5 Ratings

About

Differentiated Love & Sex is a relationship podcast about emotional differentiation, intimacy, and building healthier partnerships. Hosted by Jackie Aston, a licensed psychotherapist with 10+ years of experience working with individuals and couples, and Catherine Roebuck, a relationship coach who helps entrepreneurs and working professionals improve their relationships. Each episode explores relationship dynamics, communication, sex, boundaries, and personal growth so couples can stay connected without losing themselves. New episodes are available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

Information

  • Creator
    Jackie Aston and Catherine Roebuck
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    27
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Jackie Aston and Catherine Roebuck
  • Show Website
    Differentiated Love and Sex

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