InFertility Stories

Honest conversations about what it is like to go through infertility

Trying to conceive and going through infertility can feel like a private battle that tests our endurance. As the months and years pass, many feel isolated while they quietly grieve each cycle that ends without a positive test. Infertility is usually shared in hindsight, once the story has an ending. This podcast is different. It is a space for honest conversations about what it is like to be in infertility and how it shapes who we are. Hosted by two women who became friends through years of infertility and pregnancy loss, it is a place to share the challenges and emotions of this journey – while also exploring the insights and unexpected growth that come from walking it. Because, whether we want to or not, this is a season that changes us. This podcast is for those who are still going through it, not knowing how their story will unfold – or whether they will end up with a baby in their arms. These are the stories of being in it. infertilitystories.substack.com

  1. Oct 19

    16. “I already feel like a mother” | Living the parts of parenthood that matter to you, even without a child

    “Enjoy your freedom while you have it!” “Sleep in while you can!” “Make the most of this time, you’ll miss it later.” – we often hear advice about enjoying the things we can do before having children, like traveling, going out, or embracing the freedom that comes with this season of life. But what happens when that advice doesn’t resonate? Because you’re not longing for more time in your current season — you’re longing for a different one. You are not longing for another carefree night out, or an adventurous holiday. You are ready for a stage of life where you can take care of someone and be responsible for them. Ready to step into the role of mother or father that you’ve been dreaming of, and that can feel frustratingly out of reach. And sometimes all that freedom and empty time just gets filled with tracking days, medications, and tests. In this mini solo episode, Miriam reflects on how living in the waiting season of infertility can put your life and your sense of identity on hold, especially when you already feel like a parent — but don’t have a living child of your own yet. Rather than focusing on what you can do without children, Miriam explores a different question: What is it that you want out of parenthood, and how can you begin living out that identity now? In this episode, Miriam explores: * Why infertility can make it feel like your life is on pause — and the mismatch between what you feel on the inside, and what your life looks like * Why advice about enjoying life before children doesn’t always feel helpful * Why she started exploring what she truly wants out of parenthood and began embodying her identity as a mother while she waits * The decision she made after her miscarriage that helped her to care for someone and feel needed * Where she found play and creativity again, including a toy wooden penguin that became the hottest commodity at the local park * Why none of this fills the hole of not having children, and why it’s okay if engaging with these things feels too triggering Reflection questions: * What is it that you want out of motherhood, fatherhood, or parenthood? * What qualities do you hope to embody as a mother, father, or parent? * What are some ways you can begin living out those qualities today, even before you have a child? If you’re navigating infertility and struggling with the feeling that your life is on hold, this episode is an invitation to explore how you can honor your longing for motherhood or fatherhood, while finding ways to live as the person you want to be in the present. The InFertility Stories Podcast is for people who are still in the middle of their trying-to-conceive journey — not knowing how it will end. These are honest conversations about what it’s really like to go through infertility: the uncertainty, the decisions, the hope, the frustration, and everything in between. If you’d like to share your story or chat with us about an episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can email us at infertilitystoriespodcast@gmail.com, send us a message on Substack, or DM InFertility Stories on Instagram. Welcome to The InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    16. “I already feel like a mother” | Living the parts of parenthood that matter to you, even without a child

  2. Oct 5

    15. "A break from the “What if?”” | What it’s like taking a break from trying to conceive (TTC) after loss and surgery

    When the thing you want most in the world is to have a baby, taking a break from trying to conceive can feel completely counter-intuitive. When infertility already feels like a race against time, choosing - or being forced - to pause can feel like losing even more of it. And yet, sometimes, a break is exactly where you find yourself. Right now, Miriam and Elise have both found themselves taking a break from trying to conceive — but for very different reasons. Elise is emotionally and physically recovering from her third miscarriage, while undergoing further testing in the hope of finding answers for her recurrent pregnancy loss. Meanwhile, Miriam is recovering from fertility surgery (endometriosis excision, myomectomy, and cystectomy) and has been told to pause trying to conceive for three months while her reproductive system heals. In this episode, Miriam and Elise catch up on what’s happened for both of them over the past few months, and explore what this unexpected pause has offered them. They talk about the emotional processing that can happen in the in-between — when you’re not actively trying, but you’re certainly not “done” either. What happens when the cycle of trying, waiting and wondering is temporarily put on hold? Does taking a break make the uncertainty easier, or harder? And what happens when the constant “What if?” finally gets a little quieter? In this episode, Miriam and Elise share: * What they’re both struggling with most right now — and what has become unexpectedly easier since taking a break from TTC. * The moment Elise realised she needed grief and trauma therapy, and the importance of getting support to process recurrent pregnancy loss and emergency surgery. * What it feels like to grapple with the passage of time when TTC is on pause — while life keeps moving forward, and anniversaries, milestones and everyday reminders continue to arrive. * The complicated acceptance that can come with being forced to step away from cycle after cycle of trying to conceive. * The unexpected mental peace that can come when you’re no longer living with the repeated “What if?” of every cycle. * What a break from TTC can give you — even when it’s not a break you would ever have chosen for yourself. The InFertility Stories Podcast is for people who are still in the middle of their trying-to-conceive journey — not knowing how it will end. These are honest conversations about what it’s really like to go through infertility: the uncertainty, the decisions, the hope, the frustration, and everything in between. If you’d like to share your story or chat with us about an episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can email us at infertilitystoriespodcast@gmail.com, send us a message on Substack, or DM @infertilitystoriespodcast on Instagram. Welcome to The InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    15. "A break from the “What if?”” | What it’s like taking a break from trying to conceive (TTC) after loss and surgery

  3. Sep 21

    14. “You're having surgery in two weeks” | Endometriosis Excision surgery, Myomectomy, and Cystectomy | Miriam’s Update

    Did you know that up to 50% of women with unexplained infertility have endometriosis? For Miriam, an “unexplained infertility” diagnosis eventually led to the discovery of stage two endometriosis — along with uterine fibroids and an ovarian cyst. In this episode, she shares the story of pursuing answers across both Canada and the USA, navigating two very different healthcare systems, and ultimately finding herself preparing for robot-assisted laparoscopic excision surgery — including a myomectomy and cystectomy — with just two weeks’ notice. From the shock of her MRI results to the unexpected turn of events that meant her surgery could still go ahead, Miriam takes us through what it was really like to prepare for, undergo, and recover from multiple procedures at once. She talks about the physical realities of recovery, the emotional and mental challenges of healing, and the practical things that helped make the experience more manageable. Whether you’re considering excision surgery yourself, have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis, or are trying to understand how endometriosis can intersect with fertility, Miriam’s story offers an honest and detailed look at an experience that can so often feel overwhelming and full of unknowns. In this episode Miriam shares * How she pursued an endometriosis diagnosis in both Canada and the USA – and how the process differed in the two different countries. * How she paid for her surgery and what the costs were like in the US private healthcare system. * The moment she found out her surgeon was leaving the hospital before she would be able to undergo surgery — and the lucky surprise that allowed her surgery to still go ahead. * How she prepared for surgery with just two weeks notice and everything that helped make the preparation and recovery period as smooth as possible. * What the experience of undergoing surgery was like as a patient, what the worst parts of recovery felt like, and how she coped with the mental battle of the healing process. * Tips and advice for recovery from endometriosis excision surgery including a list of what to buy in advance, how much time to take off work, and what kinds of support you’ll need in place post-surgery. Resources mentioned in this episode: * INSTAGRAM: Miriam’s tips for endometriosis surgery recovery The InFertility Stories Podcast is for people who are still in the middle of their trying-to-conceive journey — not knowing how it will end. These are honest conversations about what it’s really like to go through infertility: the uncertainty, the decisions, the hope, the frustration, and everything in between. If you’d like to share your story or chat with us about an episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can email us at infertilitystoriespodcast@gmail.com, send us a message on Substack, or DM @infertilitystoriespodcast on Instagram. Welcome to The InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    14. “You're having surgery in two weeks” | Endometriosis Excision surgery, Myomectomy, and Cystectomy | Miriam’s Update

  4. Sep 7

    13. “Why me?” | What 52 women across 6 continents taught researcher Allison Gregg about infertility, self-blame and the medical system.

    Do you ever wonder why infertility is happening to you? If there was something you did wrong or something more that you could be doing? Or do you ever feel like the only way to get answers is to become your own fertility expert? Allison Gregg is a microbiologist and research scientist. After going through her own four-year infertility journey, she decided to train as a nutrition coach, and founded Flora & Fauna Nutrition. Wanting to know how she could best help other women going through infertility, she decided to interview women about their experience. After interviewing over 50 women across 6 continents, Allison came to a surprising conclusion. She realised that, regardless of their circumstances or where in the world they lived, women’s experiences of infertility were overwhelmingly similar. In today’s episode, Allison generously shares what themes came up in the interviews and what she has learned from her conversations with these women going through infertility. Her biggest conclusion? Even though you might feel lonely in your thoughts and experience, others feel exactly the same and you really are not alone in this. In this episode Allison shares * How she went through four years of infertility before she had her two children and all the ways her journey influences her life and work today. * Why she decided to interview other women about their experience and what it was like to hear the stories of so many women struggling with infertility. * Why women are forced to become their own medical experts and to do the research and emotional work themselves. * The heavy mental load of infertility and why so many women hide what they’re going through instead of asking for support. * The self blame that showed up in many of her interviews – and how Allison chose to reframe the question of “why me?” * Inequalities in access to care and how where you live can affect the quality of fertility care that you get. * Allison’s advice to anyone going through infertility right now. * The challenges of diet culture, information overload, and why “eat healthy” isn’t useful advice. * The nutrition coaching program Allison is building based on her research and how to join the founding cohort. Resources mentioned in this episode: * BOOK: Real Food for Fertility by Lily Nichols & Lisa Hendrickson-Jack * ONLINE & OFFLINE COMMUNITY: The Waiting Room (local chapters) Connect with Allison: * WEBSITE: florafaunanutrition.com * INSTAGRAM: @florafaunanutrition * PROGRAM: the founding cohort starts September 28 2026. It’s a 8-week live, online group program with 1:1 coaching. There are still some spots open. Reach out to Allison by email or on Instagram to join. InFertility Stories is a podcast for people who are still in the middle of their trying-to-conceive journey — not knowing how it will end. These are honest conversations about what it’s really like to go through infertility: the uncertainty, the decisions, the hope, the frustration, and everything in between. If you’d like to share your story or chat with us about an episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can email us at infertilitystoriespodcast@gmail.com, send us a message on Substack, or DM @infertilitystoriespodcast on Instagram. Welcome to InFertility Stories. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    13. “Why me?” | What 52 women across 6 continents taught researcher Allison Gregg about infertility, self-blame and the medical system.

  5. Aug 24

    12. "How much longer?" | 8.5 years TTC with PCOS, a declined adoption application, severe male factor infertility, and an ICSI loss | Miri's story

    Have you ever wished someone could just tell you how long it would take to get pregnant? That if you knew it would take three more rounds, or five more years, you could brace yourself and get through it — but instead you’re stuck not knowing if you’re near the end or barely at the beginning? If you have, this episode is for you. In this conversation, Miriam and Elise sit down with Miri to hear her infertility story in full. Miri has been trying to conceive for eight and a half years. She has PCOS, and was told by the NHS she needed to lose a significant amount of weight before she could access fertility treatment. She and her husband applied to adopt and were declined because of her chronic health conditions. When they finally reached a fertility clinic, they learned her PCOS wasn’t the only barrier after all — there was also significant, previously undiagnosed male factor infertility, making ICSI IVF their only option. She has done everything asked of her — the weight loss, the tests, the treatment — and she is still here, in the middle of it, not knowing how her story will unfold. This is not a story told in hindsight. This is what it feels like from the inside. In this episode, Miri talks about: * How it felt like her body was holding them back from having a family over and over again * Being diagnosed with endometriosis, and being told by the NHS she can’t have surgery until her family is “complete” * Applying to adopt, getting far into the process, and having that door shut — and why it was never meant to be a “backup plan” * The guilt of feeling like she was the reason they couldn’t have children * The shock of learning it wasn’t her PCOS that was the only barrier – and how undiagnosed male factor infertility made ICSI their only option to conceive * How discovering they were both quietly carrying infertility — not just her — brought them closer as a couple * Her first ICSI round: watching her follicle count drop from 35 down to one, the one egg that made it to blastocyst, the transfer, the waiting and the phone call that followed * Why she believes grief doesn’t need to meet a certain threshold to count * The hardest part of infertility: not knowing whether the end is close or years away * Why she started sharing her journey online after not seeing anyone who looked like her in the IVF community — and what that community has given her since * The Mother’s Day card from their embryo, and how they’ve chosen to honour and remember what they lost Resources mentioned in this episode: * BOOK: It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF by Rebecca Fett Follow Miri * Instagram: @waitingforhope.ttc * TIKTOK: @waitingforhope.ttc The InFertility Stories Podcast is for people who are still in the middle of their trying-to-conceive journey — not knowing how it will end. These are honest conversations about what it’s really like to go through infertility: the uncertainty, the decisions, the hope, the frustration, and everything in between. If you’d like to share your story or chat with us about an episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can email us at infertilitystoriespodcast@gmail.com, send us a message on Substack, or DM @infertilitystoriespodcast on Instagram. Welcome to The InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    12. "How much longer?" | 8.5 years TTC with PCOS, a declined adoption application, severe male factor infertility, and an ICSI loss | Miri's story

  6. Aug 10

    11. "Just Relax” | Can you control your fertility or should you just 'trust the process'?

    Infertility confronts you with the reality that some of the things you want most in life simply aren’t within your control. The timeline you imagined for growing your family changes. The future you pictured starts to feel uncertain. And when you’ve been trying to conceive for months or years, you have most likely been confronted with some version of the words: “Just relax.” “Give it time.” “It will happen.” But is that actually helpful advice? In this episode, we explore what infertility has taught us about control — what is within our control, what isn’t, and what happens when we try to control the things that ultimately can’t be controlled. We talk about the tension between taking action and letting go, and how difficult it can be to tell the difference between doing something that genuinely helps and doing something because we’re anxious about what might happen if we don’t. We ask: How do you know when taking action is helping you — and when it’s an attempt to control the uncontrollable? In this episode, we discuss: * Why being told to “just relax” for years can be actively harmful — and what it can mask. * How to identify what is within your control when it comes to infertility — and what is firmly outside of it. * The difference between taking action and having control. * Finding a balance between being proactive and hopeful without letting anxiety or avoidance take over. * How to navigate the decision to take a break, let the process unfold, or seek more answers, testing, or intervention. * What it can look like to accept uncertainty without feeling like you’re giving up. * A closing exercise to distinguish what's in your control, what isn't, and identify what you're actually most afraid of The InFertility Stories Podcast is for people who are still in the middle of their trying-to-conceive journey — not knowing how it will end. These are honest conversations about what it’s really like to go through infertility: the uncertainty, the decisions, the hope, the frustration, and everything in between. If you’d like to share your story or chat with us about an episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can email us at infertilitystoriespodcast@gmail.com, send us a message on Substack, or DM @infertilitystoriespodcast on Instagram. Welcome to The InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    11. "Just Relax” | Can you control your fertility or should you just 'trust the process'?

  7. Jul 27

    10. "Dreading your birthday" | The hidden grief of time passing during infertility

    Have you ever caught yourself living in a future version of your life with a baby, instead of the life you’re living right now? Or realized you think of yourself as older than you actually are because so much of your energy is spent imagining the future? If so, this episode is for you. This week, Miriam and Elise explore one of the hardest and least talked about parts of trying to conceive: the relentless passage of time. When you’re facing infertility or pregnancy loss, every month, every birthday, every pregnancy announcement, and every holiday can feel like another reminder that life is moving forward while you’re still waiting. You’re told fertility declines with age, yet the very process of overcoming infertility often takes years. It’s a painful paradox that so many people experience but rarely talk about. Miriam and Elise also share what has helped them keep on living while they wait. From finally buying a doll’s house instead of saving it for “one day,” to marking the milestones in our journeys that we hoped we’d never reach, this conversation is about finding ways to live through the ongoing grief of infertility. In this episode, we discuss: * Why waiting for something deeply important is difficult — and how infertility magnifies that experience. * The paradox of the biological clock: being told time matters while infertility treatment can take years. * How pregnancy announcements, baby showers, gender reveals, birthdays, and other milestones become constant markers of time passing. * Why putting your life on hold can make the wait even more painful — and how choosing joy now can help break that cycle. * The difference between a painful reminder and an acknowledgement — and why feeling seen matters. * Why Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries can be some of the hardest days during infertility, and ways to acknowledge milestones that nobody wants to be counting. The InFertility Stories Podcast is for people still in the middle of their trying to conceive journey — not knowing how it will end. These are honest conversations about what it’s really like to go through infertility. If you’d like to share your story or chat about an episode, we’d love to hear from you. You can email us at infertilitystoriespodcast@gmail.com, send us a message on Substack, or DM @infertilitystoriespodcast on Instagram. Welcome to The InFertility Stories Podcast. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    10. "Dreading your birthday" | The hidden grief of time passing during infertility

  8. Jul 13

    9. "You're not broken" | A third loss, anger, and choosing joy first | Elise's update

    Almost a year to the day after her first positive pregnancy test, Elise saw another one. According to her cycle charts, this pregnancy’s due date would have landed just a day apart from her first. It felt full circle — like proof that this time, it would be alright. Over the previous year, she had already lived through an early miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, and the loss of a fallopian tube. This pregnancy brought new hope: it was supposed to be the one that finally worked out. Instead, on a weekend away with family, light spotting turned into bleeding — and because of her earlier ectopic pregnancy, what followed wasn’t a private loss at home, but two days in the hospital while doctors ruled out another ectopic pregnancy, watching her hormone levels hoping the numbers would go down. In this deeply honest update, Elise shares what it’s like to lose three pregnancies in a year, what it means when grief starts compounding instead of standing alone, and why she’s decided to stop pushing through and start choosing joy on purpose. In this episode, Elise shares: * Being admitted to the hospital as high-risk for another ectopic pregnancy, and what it’s like to hope for a hormone level to drop instead of rise. * Being surrounded — without asking for it — by a group of women who held her and cried with her without needing to know why, and why that moment of being witnessed mattered so much. * The emotional reality of recurrent loss, and how grief compounds rather than resets each time. * Moving from feeling personally targeted by suffering to recognizing it as part of the shared, universal experience of being human. * How anger, cynicism, and resentment became part of her grieving process — and how those intense emotions affected the way others responded to her. * Reaching burnout after months of infertility and loss — and why she's choosing to prioritize joy, creativity, and rest instead of pushing through. * The complicated reality of “taking a break” from trying to conceive, when the longing to become a parent never truly pauses. * Learning to manage her emotional energy and pace herself through the marathon of infertility and recurrent miscarriage. * The unexpected hope she found in learning more about her grandmother’s story. * A quiet moment of deep self-compassion after the arrival of a friend’s new baby — realizing what she felt wasn’t envy, but grief for the hard road her own story continued to take. Resources mentioned in this episode: Podcast: Everything Happens by Kate Bowler http://katebowler.com/podcasts/ If you’re living through infertility, pregnancy loss, or the uncertainty of an unfinished story, this conversation is for you. It offers an honest look at navigating grief while continuing to hope in the absence of any guarantees. Welcome to the InFertility Stories Podcast, where we share the experience of living through infertility and pregnancy loss in real time. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit infertilitystories.substack.com

    9. "You're not broken" | A third loss, anger, and choosing joy first | Elise's update
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
2 Ratings

About

Trying to conceive and going through infertility can feel like a private battle that tests our endurance. As the months and years pass, many feel isolated while they quietly grieve each cycle that ends without a positive test. Infertility is usually shared in hindsight, once the story has an ending. This podcast is different. It is a space for honest conversations about what it is like to be in infertility and how it shapes who we are. Hosted by two women who became friends through years of infertility and pregnancy loss, it is a place to share the challenges and emotions of this journey – while also exploring the insights and unexpected growth that come from walking it. Because, whether we want to or not, this is a season that changes us. This podcast is for those who are still going through it, not knowing how their story will unfold – or whether they will end up with a baby in their arms. These are the stories of being in it. infertilitystories.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Honest conversations about what it is like to go through infertility
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    17
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Elise de Bruijn
  • Show Website
    InFertility Stories

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