The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit

Tressa L. Bell, MBA, BSN, RN
  • 5.0 (4)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

This podcast is about trauma, nervous systems, and the patterns we inherit—often without realizing it. Through personal stories, clinical insight, and honest reflection, Tressa explores how family systems, caregiving roles, and early experiences shape the way we think, feel, and respond to the world. You’ll hear conversations about generational trauma, anxiety, emotional regulation, motherhood, and what it actually looks like to heal—not perfectly, but intentionally. This is not about blame. It’s about awareness. And what becomes possible when we begin to interrupt what we’ve carried.

Episodes

  1. Jun 2

    What Healing Actually Looks Like: Interrupting What We Inherit

    This is the season finale. And I want to be honest with you from the start. I do not have a tidy ending. I do not have a before-and-after story with a clean resolution and a lesson neatly wrapped. What I have is a direction. A long way traveled. And the deep conviction that there is no finish line—and that is not a failure. That is the truth. Twelve episodes. Twelve conversations about the roles we take on, the grief we carry, the apologies we give and receive, the bodies that remember what our minds try to forget, thesurvival mode we parent from, and the control we grip when we are afraid. This episode is about what all of it adds up to. In this episode I cover: What healing is not—not arrival, not linear, not perfection—and why that is the most important reframe of the season What healing actually looks like—the smaller gap, the growing patience, the faster repair, the wisdom earnedthrough traveling not arriving The slow accumulation—what my healing actually looked like, from therapy to Eckhart Tolle to a surgery that forced me to finally be still What to do when you fall back—four practical steps for the days when the old pattern gets there before you do The AWAKE model—the framework that holds everything this season has been about: Awareness, Work It, Accountability, Keep Going, Embody It What I wish I had known—the one thing I would give my younger self if I could The generational vision—what I am building, three generations forward, one ordinary Tuesday at a time A letter to the listener—to the person who showed up for all twelve episodes and did not turn away from the hard things this season asked This episode closes with a grounding practice and an invitation—I want to hear from you. What landed this season? What shifted? What are you going to do differently? There is no finish line. There is only the direction. And you are moving in it. 🪟 This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. 📖 The Fan in the Window: How We Inherit Trauma — And How We Interrupt It Available now on Amazon →amazon.com/author/tressalbell CONTENT NOTE This post discusses trauma, family systems, and emotional healing. If anything here brings up strong feelings or memories, please take care of yourself and reach out for support. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — free, confidential, 24/7. If you are outside the U.S., international crisis resources are available at findahelpline.com. You do not have to navigate this alone. ABOUT THE SHOW The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit is hosted by Tressa L. Bell, MBA, BSN, RN — author, podcaster, registered nurse, and former forensic nurse. This podcast is about trauma, nervous systems, generational patterns, and the complicated, imperfect work of healing. Each episode blends personal story with research-backed frameworks to help you recognize and interrupt what youinherited — so the next generation doesn't have to carry it too. GET THE BOOK 📖The Fan in the Window: How We Inherit Trauma — And How We Interrupt ItAvailable now on Amazon → amazon.com/author/tressalbell A companion self-help book is also in the works. Stay connected for updates. FOLLOW TRESSA 🌐Website: thefaninthewindow.com 📸 Instagram: @tressalbell👤Facebook: tressalbell 🎵 TikTok: @tressalbell ▶️YouTube: tressalbell 🐦 X / Twitter:@tressalbell39905 📩 Substack:tressalbell.substack.com 💼 LinkedIn:linkedin.com/in/tressa-l-bell-31830440a LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE 🎙️Apple Podcasts 🎙️ Spotify 🎙️ iHeart Radio 🎙️YouTube 🎙️ Substack New episodes every Tuesday. Ifthis episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts — it takes less than two minutes and helps new listeners find the show. DISCLAIMER This post is not therapy, medical advice, or psychological treatment. Tressa L. Bell is not your therapist. Content is for educational and informational purposes only. Please seek professional support if you are experiencing a mental health crisis.

    33 min

  2. May 26

    The Illusion of Control

    There is someone in your life you love deeply who is struggling. And you know things that could help. You can see the path forward. Every instinct you have says — do something. Fix it. You know how. And you have to let them find it themselves. That tension — between knowing and releasing, between loving and controlling — is what this episode is about. Not because control makes you a bad person. But because the need for control has a history. And understanding that history is the first step toward loosening the grip. In this episode I cover: Where the need for control actually comes from — and why for most of us it has nothing to do with power and everything to do with safety How control shows up in unexpected places — the home, the food, the routines, the children's struggles — and what all of those have in common My mother's kitchen — the rigid routines I hated growing up, what I now understand about why they existed, and how I took on my own version of control in different domains What over-fixing actually teaches children — and why productive struggle is not the enemy of healthy development, it is the mechanism of it Learned helplessness — what researcher Martin Seligman found happens when children are repeatedly rescued from challenge, and what that costs them as adults The honest reckoning — what I did for my children, what I now see as the cost, and what stepping back looks like even now Three generations of control slowly loosening — and what it means to trust the next generation to find their own way The difference between control and safety — and why one is an illusion and the other is the actual work of healingThis episode closes with a box breathing practice — because box breathing is itself an act of choosing what you can actually control. Your breath. The count. The pause. Nothing else. That is the whole metaphor of the episode lived in the body. CONTENT NOTE This post discusses trauma, family systems, and emotional healing. If anything here brings up strong feelings or memories, please take care of yourself and reach out for support. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 toreach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — free, confidential, 24/7. If you are outside the U.S., international crisis resources are available at findahelpline.com. You do not have to navigate this alone.   ABOUT THE SHOW The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit is hosted by Tressa L. Bell, MBA, BSN, RN — author, podcaster, registered nurse, and former forensic nurse. This podcast is about trauma, nervous systems, generationalpatterns, and the complicated, imperfect work of healing. Each episode blends personal story with research-backed frameworks to help you recognize and interrupt what you inherited — so the next generation doesn't have to carry ittoo. This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it.   GET THE BOOK 📖 The Fan in the Window: How We Inherit Trauma — And How We Interrupt It. Available now on Amazon → amazon.com/author/tressalbell. A companion self-help book is also in the works. Stay connected for updates.   FOLLOW TRESSA 🌐 Website: thefaninthewindow.com 📸 Instagram: @tressalbell 👤 Facebook: tressalbell 🎵 TikTok: @tressalbell ▶️ YouTube: tressalbell 🐦 X / Twitter:@tressalbell39905 📩 Substack: tressalbell.substack.com 💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/tressa-l-bell-31830440a   LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE 🎙️ Apple Podcasts 🎙️ Spotify 🎙️ iHeart Radio 🎙️ YouTube 🎙️ Substack New episodes every Tuesday. If this episode resonated, please leave a review on ApplePodcasts — it takes less than two minutes and helps new listeners find the show.   DISCLAIMER This post is not therapy, medical advice, or psychological treatment. Tressa L. Bell is not your therapist. Content is for educational and informational purposes only. Please seek professional support if you are experiencing amental health crisis. This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. 🪟

    23 min

  3. May 19

    Episode 10: Survival Mode Parenting

    You loved your children. That has never been in question. But love and presence are not the same thing. And there are seasons of parenting where survival takes everything you have — leaving very little for the kind of presence your children needed and deserved. This episode is about that season. What it looks like from the inside. What your children are absorbing, even when you don't realize it. And what becomes possible when the crisis finally ends. In this episode, I cover: What survival mode actually is physiologically — and why it shuts down the very things parenting requiresWhat hypervigilance looks like as a parenting posture — and the message it sends to children without a single word spokenThe difference between a child stepping up and a child acting out — and why both are the same overwhelmed nervous system communicating the same thingThe loneliness of performing normalcy when nothing is normal — and how your children absorb that isolation tooWhat changes after leaving — and why a different survival mode is still survival modeThe grief of seeing your adult children carry what they absorbed — and how to hold that without letting it become a verdictWhat becomes possible for a parent whose nervous system is finally no longer in crisisA letter to the mother I was — and an invitation for you to receive it for yourselfThis episode also includes a grounding practice and closes with what I believe is the most important reframe in all of this work: Your healing is their inheritance. Not the trauma. The healing. That is the interruption. CONTENT NOTEThis post discusses trauma, family systems, and emotional healing. If anything here brings up strong feelings or memories, please take care of yourself and reach out for support. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — free, confidential, 24/7. If you are outside the U.S., international crisis resources are available at findahelpline.com. You do not have to navigate this alone. ABOUT THE SHOWThe Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit is hosted by Tressa L. Bell, MBA, BSN, RN — author, podcaster, registered nurse, and former forensic nurse. This podcast is about trauma, nervous systems, generational patterns, and the complicated, imperfect work of healing. Each episode blends personal story with research-backed frameworks to help you recognize and interrupt what you inherited — so the next generation doesn't have to carry it too. This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. GET THE BOOK📖 The Fan in the Window: How We Inherit Trauma — And How We Interrupt ItAvailable now on Amazon → amazon.com/author/tressalbellA companion self-help book is also in the works. Stay connected for updates. FOLLOW TRESSA🌐 Website: thefaninthewindow.com📸 Instagram: @tressalbell👤 Facebook: tressalbell🎵 TikTok: @tressalbell▶️ YouTube: tressalbell🐦 X / Twitter: @tressalbell39905📩 Substack: tressalbell.substack.com LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE🎙️ Apple Podcasts 🎙️ Spotify 🎙️ iHeart Radio 🎙️ YouTube 🎙️ SubstackNew episodes every Tuesday. If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts — it takes less than two minutes and helps new listeners find the show. DISCLAIMERThis post is not therapy, medical advice, or psychological treatment. Tressa L. Bell is not your therapist. Content is for educational and informational purposes only. Please seek professional support if you are experiencing a mental health crisis.

    27 min

  4. May 12

    The Body Remembers What the Mind Forgets

    You've done the work. The therapy. The reading. The healing. You've built language for what happened, found forgiveness, made peace with things you couldn't change. And you still jump when a door slams. That is not a failure of healing. That is your nervous system doing the job it was assigned a very long time ago — and nobody told it the threat was over. In this episode, I go underneath the mind work and into the body. Because trauma is not stored as a story you can retrieve and resolve. It is stored as sensation. As muscle tension. As a heart that races before a single thought arrives. And until we understand that, we will keep wondering why we are still reacting to things that should no longer have power over us. In this episode, I cover: What dissociation actually is — and why it is not weaknessWhat I did to survive years of domestic violence, which I am still making peace withWhat I recognized in every survivor I sat with as a forensic nurse — and what it cost me to not be able to fix itWhy the startle response lives in the body long after the mind has moved onWhat the research of van der Kolk, Porges, and Levine tells us about why healing has to happen at the level of the nervous system — not just the mindThis episode also includes a body-based grounding practice to help your nervous system learn what your mind already knows. Your body kept you safe. Now we help it rest. REFERENCES van der Kolk, B. — The Body Keeps the ScoreKey concept: Trauma is stored as sensation, not narrative. The body holds what the mind cannot fully process.  Porges, S. — The Polyvagal Theory  Key concept: Neuroception — the nervous system’s automaticthreat-detection system that operates beneath conscious awareness.  Levine, P. — Waking the Tiger: Healing TraumaKey concept: Somatic Experiencing — the incomplete discharge of threat energy and how the body holds unresolved survival responses. Walker, L. E. — The Battered Woman SyndromeKey concept: Impression management in domestic violence survivors — the protective curation of a public self CONTENT NOTE This post discusses trauma, family systems, and emotional healing. If anything here brings up strong feelings or memories, please take care of yourself and reach out for support. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — free, confidential, 24/7. If you are outside the U.S., international crisis resources are available at findahelpline.com. You do not have to navigate this alone. ABOUT THE SHOW The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit is hosted by Tressa L. Bell, MBA, BSN, RN — author, podcaster, registered nurse, and former forensic nurse.This podcast is about trauma, nervous systems, generational patterns, and the complicated, imperfect work of healing. Each episode blends personal story with research-backed frameworks to help you recognize and interrupt what you inherited — so the next generation doesn't have to carry it too.This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. GET THE BOOK📖 The Fan in the Window: How We Inherit Trauma — And How We Interrupt ItAvailable now on Amazon → amazon.com/author/tressalbellA companion self-help book is also in the works. Stay connected for updates. FOLLOW TRESSA 🌐 Website: thefaninthewindow.com📸 Instagram: @tressalbell👤 Facebook: tressalbell🎵 TikTok: @tressalbell▶️ YouTube: tressalbell🐦 X / Twitter: @tressalbell39905📩 Substack: tressalbell.substack.com LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE🎙️Apple Podcasts🎙️ Spotify🎙️ iHeart Radio🎙️ YouTube🎙️ Substack New episodes every Tuesday. If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts — it takes less than two minutes and helps new listeners find the show. DISCLAIMER This post is not therapy, medical advice, or psychological treatment. Tressa L. Bell is not your therapist. Content is for educational and informational purposes only. This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. 🪟

    19 min

  5. May 5

    When Mothers Apologize: Repair, Accountability, and What to Do When It Never Comes

    Tressa Bell introduces a Mother’s Day episode of The Fan inthe Window: Interrupting What We Inherit focused on the complexity of maternal relationships, including grief, estrangement, and mixed feelings, and clarifies the show is not therapy while providing crisis resources. She explores generational patterns of harm and distinguishes between an apology and a “real apology,” drawing on Harriet Lerner’s ideas: a real apology names the harm specifically, avoids “but” and explanations, doesn’t demand forgiveness or reassurance, allows time, and is supported by changed behavior. Bell shares an example of repeating a hurtful name with her daughter and returning to repair as part of interrupting inherited patterns. She also addresses ambiguous loss (Pauline Boss) for those whose mothers never apologized and offers reflective questions and a brief grounding practice about being seen and deserving repair.   00:00 Mothers Day Is Complicated 02:30 Holding Mixed Feelings 03:46 Generational Wounds Travel 05:44 What Makes Apologies Real 07:01 How To Apologize Well 10:07 When Apologies Fall Flat 12:00 Receiving An Apology 13:58 When No Apology Comes 16:52 Modeling Repair Forward 18:58 Reflection And Grounding 22:02 Closing And Next Steps CONTENT NOTE This podcast discusses trauma, family systems, grief, and emotional healing. If anything in this episode brings up strong feelings or memories, please take care of yourself and reach out for support.  In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline — free, confidential, 24/7. If you are outside the U.S., international crisis resources are available at findahelpline.com.  You do not have to navigate this alone.   ABOUT THE SHOW The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit is hosted by Tressa L. Bell, MBA, BSN, RN — author, podcaster, registered nurse, and former forensic nurse.  This podcast is about trauma, nervous systems, generational patterns, and the complicated, imperfect work of healing. Each episode blends personal story with research-backed frameworks to help you recognize and interrupt what youinherited — so the next generation doesn’t have to carry it too.  This didn’t start with you…but you can interrupt it.   GET THE BOOK  📖  The Fan in the Window: How We Inherit Trauma — And How We Interrupt It Available now on Amazon → amazon.com/author/tressalbell A companion self-help book is also in the works. Stay connected for updates. FOLLOW TRESSA 🌐  Website: thefaninthewindow.com 📸  Instagram: @tressalbell 👤  Facebook: tressalbell 🎵  TikTok: @tressalbell ▶️  YouTube: tressalbell 🐦  X/ Twitter: @tressalbell39905 📩  Substack: tressalbell.substack.com   LISTEN & SUBSCRIBE  🎤  Apple Podcasts 🎤  Spotify 🎤  iHeart Radio 🎤  YouTube 🎤  Substack   New episodes every Tuesday. If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts — it takes less than two minutes and helps new listeners find the show.   DISCLAIMER  This podcast is not therapy, medical advice, or psychological treatment. Tressa L. Bell is not your therapist. Content is for educational and informational purposes only. Please seek professional support if you are experiencing a mental health crisis.   The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit Hosted by Tressa L. Bell, MBA, BSN, RN thefaninthewindow.com  |  My Sweet Nurse Life, LLC This didn’t start with you…but you can interrupt it!

    23 min

  6. Apr 28

    The Grief of Losing a Role

    Tressa Bell introduces her podcast, The Fan in the Window:Interrupting What We Inherit, explaining how surgery created the stillness that led her to build a book, podcast, business, and platform rooted in her frustration that it took until age 50 to understand what happened to her at five. In this episode, “The Grief of Losing a Role,” she explores howfamily-system roles formed in chaos become identity, and why stepping out of them brings grief, confusion, and relief at once. Sharing a childhood moment of learning her father wasn’t biological, she connects role-based identity tosurvival, nervous systems, and generational patterns. She reflects on smoothing over her mother’s deathbed apology, defines forgiveness as the absence of anger, and offers grounding, journaling prompts, and the idea that healing is“the accumulation of Tuesdays,” with a preview of an upcoming episode about mothers’ apologies.   Learn more at thefaninthewindow.com.Grab the book at http://www.amazon.com/author/tressalbell. The podcast is available anywhere you listen, new episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow Tressa on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube.   00:00 Why Now 01:26 Podcast Mission 01:45 Episode Setup 02:18 Listener Safety Note 03:18 Grieving A Role 04:20 The Girl At Window 05:55 When Roles Become Identity 06:52 What The Role Cost 08:23 Role Relief Begins 09:39 Grief Beyond Death 10:47 Mother Deathbed Moment 12:43 Redefining Forgiveness 14:31 Grief And Relief Together 16:01 Surviving Versus Healing 17:46 You Are Not Late 19:17 Weekly Reflection Prompt 20:26 Grounding Exercise 22:04 Healing Is Tuesdays 23:15 Next Episode And Resources 24:23 Closing Message If you need support:In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach theSuicide and Crisis Lifeline—available 24/7, free, and confidential. Outside the U.S., visit ⁠findahelpline.com⁠ for international mental‑health hotlines and crisis services in your region. This didn’t start with you…but you can interrupt it!

    25 min

  7. Apr 21

    When You Change and the System Doesn't

    Host Tressa Bell introduces The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit and explores what happens when someone tries to step out of inherited family or workplace roles and the surrounding system pushes back through silence, anger, manipulation, or guilt-inducing questions. Referencing Murray Bowen’s Differentiation of Self and Family Projection Process, she explains how systems seek equilibrium by pressuring members back into familiar functions, illustrated by her experiences setting boundaries in a relationship, at work, and with her family of origin. Drawing on Lindsey Gibson, she emphasizes that lasting change must be rooted internally rather than aimed at eliciting others’ approval. Using Steven Porges’ concept of neuroception, she frames both others’ reactions and one’s own guilt as nervoussystem responses to unfamiliarity, not moral wrongdoing, and offers reflection prompts and a brief grounding exercise before previewing a next episode on grieving lost roles.  00:00 When I Finally Spoke Up 00:51 Podcast Intro and Episode Theme 01:44 Safety Disclaimer and Support 02:40 Family Roles and The Pushback 03:38 Family Systems and Differentiation 04:53 Work Boundaries Saying No 06:01 Change Must Start Within 07:05 Silence From Family 08:26 Nervous System Safety Neuroception 09:32 Guilt as a Signal 11:46 Attachment and Fear of Abandonment 12:55 What to Remember When You Change 14:07 Weekly Reflection Practice 15:05 Grounding Exercise 16:37 Closing Next Episode and Resources If you need support:In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach theSuicide and Crisis Lifeline—available 24/7, free, and confidential. Outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com for international mental‑health hotlines and crisis services in your region. Learn more at thefaninthewindow.com Subscribe tothe newsletter for early access and updates. Follow Tressa on Instagram and Facebook. This didn’t start with you…but you can interrupt it!

    18 min

  8. Apr 14

    The Roles We Take On

    Host Tressa Bell introduces The Fan in the Window: Interrupting What We Inherit and explores how children in chaotic, emotionally unpredictable homes adapt by organizing themselves into survival roles—responsible one, peacekeeper, protector, invisible one, performer, or mascot—often without realizing it. She connects this to family systems theory (Murray Bowen) and parentification, describing instrumental and emotional forms and noting research links between emotional parentification and adult anxiety, depression, emotional regulation difficulties, and boundary struggles. Bell shares a teenage memory of protecting a younger sister and explains, using Lindsey Gibson’s concept of the “Internalizer,” how these roles persist into adulthoodand across relationships and work because the nervous system keeps running “old programs.” She observes different roles emerging in her own children, reflects on Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey’s “what happened to you” lens, and invites listeners to identify their role, practice awareness, and use grounding to begin interruption and repair. Bell also mentions her book releasing April 21. If you need support:In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline—available 24/7, free, and confidential. Outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com for international mental‑health hotlines and crisis services in your region. Learn more at thefaninthewindow.com. Subscribe to the newsletter for early access and updates. Follow Tressa on Instagram and Facebook. This didn’t start with you…but you can interrupt it! 00:00 Unchosen Responsibility 00:58 Show Intro and Episode Theme 02:05 Safety Disclaimer 03:03 Family Roles Explained 04:34 Parentification Defined 06:04 Common Survival Roles 07:58 A Protector Moment 09:55 Internalizer and Letting Go 11:34 Roles Follow You 14:03 Seeing Roles in My Kids 17:29 What Happened to You Lens 18:50 Awareness and Reflection 20:44 Grounding Exercise 22:42 Next Episode and Closing

    24 min

  9. Apr 7

    What Children Carry: Repair, Nervous Systems, and Interrupting What We Inherit

    Tressa Bell introduces her podcast, The Fan in the Window:Interrupting What We Inherit and the episode “What Children Carry,” exploring how children absorb tone, tension, silence, and adult nervous-system states without needing explanations. She argues that children make meaning from patterns in their environment, learning not only how adults fight but whathappens after conflict, and that lack of repair teaches rupture, hidden feelings, and unsafety, while accountability and apology teach resilience in relationships. Bell describes moments with her grandkids, noticing her stress and the impact of returning to name and repair a sharp interaction, emphasizing that healing is often in what happens after mistakes. She offers reflection questions and a short grounding exercise, previews a future episode on family roles, and mentions her book releasing April 21. If you need support:In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach theSuicide and Crisis Lifeline—available 24/7, free, and confidential. Outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com for international mental‑health hotlines and crisis services in your region. Learn more at www.thefaninthewindow.com. Subscribe to the newsletter for early access and updates. Follow Tressa on Instagram and Facebook. This didn’t start with you…but you can interrupt it! 00:00 Children Sense Everything 01:16 Podcast Welcome 01:46 Episode Focus 02:14 Safety Disclaimer 03:16 Tone Over Words 04:01 After Conflict Matters 04:57 What Kids Carry 06:49 A Grandchild Notices 07:40 Nervous System Research 09:26 Repair Changes Everything 11:53 Reflection Invitation 13:42 Grounding Pause 16:20 Next Episode Teaser 17:13 Closing Message

    17 min

  10. Mar 27

    When Chaos Feels Normal

    Host Tressa Bell introduces The Fan in the Window and explores how growing up around conflict, emotional unpredictability, and unresolved intensity can become “normal,” shaping adult templates for love, attraction, and resilience as conditioning rather than health. She explains that children prioritize attachment over accuracy, adapt to survive, and often can’t name dysfunction even when they perceive tension, power dynamics, and harm. Using a dinner-table memory where her mother cruelly told someone she hoped he would choke, Bell describes how normalization can trigger "management mode” instead of clarity and how lack of repair teaches that relationships are destabilizing and damaging. She discusses how the nervous system builds expectations, making familiar chaos feel more trustworthy than calm safety, invites listeners to notice “familiar vs. safe,” and closes with a brief grounding exercise, resources, and a preview of the next episode on what children carry. This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. 🔗 thefaninthewindow.com This podcast is for educational and reflective purposes only and does not constitute medical or mental health advice.If anything in this episode brings up strong feelings or memories, please take care of yourself and reach out for support. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., you can find international hotlines at findahelpline.com. You don’t have to navigate this alone.Listener discretion is encouraged. 00:00 When Chaos Feels Normal 02:01 Show Intro and Disclaimer 04:10 Why Kids Normalize Chaos 06:54 A Dinner Table Memory 09:30 Conflict Without Repair 11:54 Harm That Looks Ordinary 14:33 Familiar Versus Safe 16:45 Roles We Learn to Survive 19:53 Body Knows First 22:16 Rewriting the Template 23:52 Calm Can Feel Wrong 25:25 Questions for the Week 26:28 Guided Grounding Exercise 29:00 Closing and Next Episode

    30 min

  11. Mar 27

    You Can Leave and Still Be Dysregulated

    Tressa Bell explains that leaving an unhealthy situation can create external safety without bringing internal nervous system regulation, sharing how she left her marriage after escalating conflict and unpredictable self-harm threats and still stayed in survival mode, scanning for danger. She describes dysregulation as cycling between fight (irritability, reactivity) and freeze (numbing, dissociation), and distinguishes safety as external versus regulation as internal patterns that persist after danger ends. Citing Bruce Perry’s “four-lane highway” analogy from What Happened to You?, she notes healing builds new pathways through repetition rather than erasing old ones. She emphasizes that regulation happens in relationships and through rhythm, movement, community, and ritual, not insight alone, and highlights the importance of repair over perfection in breaking generational patterns. The episode ends with a brief grounding exercise and a preview on how chaos can feel familiar. This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. 🔗 thefaninthewindow.com If anything in this episode brings up strong feelings or memories, please take care of yourself and reach out for support. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If you’re outside the U.S., you can find international hotlines at findahelpline.com. You don’t have to navigate this alone. 00:00 Leaving Isn’t Regulation 01:02 Show Intro and Safety Note 02:50 The Night I Left 05:07 Fight Freeze Cycling 06:51 Safety vs Regulation 08:46 Healing Needs Community 12:32 Repair Over Perfection 14:17 Notice Your Patterns 15:04 Short Grounding Practice 16:23 You’re Not Broken 17:01 Why Chaos Feels Normal 17:46 Next Episode and Wrap Up

    18 min

  12. Mar 27

    The Book Wasn’t the End

    Tressa Bell introduces her podcast, The Fan in the Window, about trauma, nervous systems, generational patterns, and interrupting what gets passed down. In this episode, “The Book Wasn’t the End,” she describes finishing her manuscript and realizing it didn’t resolve her patterns but exposed that they are still active, including over-functioning, bracing, and feeling responsible for stabilizing others. She explains how childhood unpredictability shaped her nervous system, referencing Dr. Bruce Perry’s “bottom-up” brain development and the concept of implicit memory. Bell shares that she experienced sexual abuse as a child and that silence compounded its impact, embedding vigilance and responsibility in her body. She contrasts readiness with regulation, reflects on how these reactions can pass to the next generation, offers a self-inquiry about managing what isn’t yours, leads a brief grounding exercise, and provides a content warning and crisis resources. This didn't start with you…but you can interrupt it. 🔗 thefaninthewindow.com  If you need support:In the United States, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline—available 24/7, free, and confidential. Outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com for international mental‑health hotlines and crisis services in your region.00:00 What We Inherit 00:46 Show and Episode Setup 01:22 Finishing the Book 02:31 Exposure in Real Time 04:01 Oldest Daughter Wiring 05:54 Safety Disclaimer 06:57 Silence and Implicit Memory 09:15 Bracing vs Regulation 11:57 Passing It On 13:31 Pause and Grounding 15:15 Closing and Next Steps

    16 min
  • 12 Episodes

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

This podcast is about trauma, nervous systems, and the patterns we inherit—often without realizing it. Through personal stories, clinical insight, and honest reflection, Tressa explores how family systems, caregiving roles, and early experiences shape the way we think, feel, and respond to the world. You’ll hear conversations about generational trauma, anxiety, emotional regulation, motherhood, and what it actually looks like to heal—not perfectly, but intentionally. This is not about blame. It’s about awareness. And what becomes possible when we begin to interrupt what we’ve carried.

Information