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Deed dives into essays from the consciousness hub substack, based on themes within MBT; exploring insights into flourishing, rather than merely enduring, the human experience. theplayersguide.substack.com

  1. Sep 12

    The Room Where PSI (The Paranormal) Can Be Experienced By Everyone

    You are interested in the paranormal—but nothing has ever convinced you. This is aimed at a particular type of individual. You’ve heard things concerning consciousness. You’ve paid attention to Tom Campbell’s views on reality being something like a virtual world operated by a greater consciousness system. That notion is more plausible to you than the idea that everything is just atoms and is also more convincing than a great deal of New Age nonsense. You are interested in psi phenomena—things such as mind reading and clairvoyance: picking up someone else’s thoughts, seeing or sensing something that is not in front of you, knowing a fact that you have never been told. You want it to be genuine. Yet, in your own life nothing has ever occurred that you couldn’t account for using your intellect. A coincidence was merely a coincidence. A dream had a clear origin. A feeling was nothing but intuition doing its normal job. It is a honest position to take. The problem is that the mind is very good at convincing itself that it is right. Even if it accepts a major theory, it can still wait forever for proof that never actually comes. This essay isn’t aiming to get you to believe anything. Instead, it’s pointing the way to a room you’re actually able to enter. There exists a form of coaching in which you have no need to believe anything at the beginning. You needn’t even take part—you can just sit by the side and observe. Strangers take the place of people they have never met before. When the session is well conducted, there are things that are very difficult to account for by saying they were acting, due to luck, or the result of clever guessing. It is known as systemic coaching, though a great many people still refer to it as family constellations. The latter term is helpful because it reflects how the approach began; it is nevertheless a little misleading because the work is not solely concerned with families, and it is not merely therapeutic. It can apply to friends, work, money, houses, and patterns that keep recurring no matter how much you think about them .What systemic coaching is, and how it helps The fundamental idea is simple: a problem in your life doesn’t always originate with you; it may be part of a larger system to which you belong. That system could be your family, or it could be a friendship, a marriage, a work team, a business, or even your relationship with money or with a house. If anything within that system is wrong—for example, if someone has been left ‘out in the cold’, if someone who should be mourned hasn’t been, or if someone is carrying a burden that doesn’t actually belong to them—then the difficulty can appear in the next person in the line. Talking is helpful, coaching is helpful and therapy is helpful, but certain patterns don’t change merely because you understand them; you may see the cycle and yet still end up going back into it. A person does not have to be present if the client wishes to heal a particular relationship with an individual—for example, a child, a parent, a partner, or a friend—because the work is carried out through stand-ins. During a group session, people typically sit in a circle. The individual with the issue to deal with—let’s call them the client—first has a conversation with the coach about it. This talk is often held privately, not in front of the rest of the group. It is not a detailed account of their entire life. Just a few key points are given: who is involved, who died young, who was left out, who came first. Then, while again in the circle, the client asks, under the coach’s guidance, each person in the group one at a time whether they are willing to stand in for a part of the system, without telling them which part — for instance, the mother, the father, a first love, a child who died, a boss, ‘the money’, ‘the house’, ‘the future’. No one offers themselves voluntarily. Permission must be obtained first. If someone says yes, the client places those people in the room using their intuition, i.e. how it feels.—some closer in, some further away, some facing each other, and some turned aside. After that the client sits down and watches. The next part is the one that shouldn’t function. The stand-ins, having been told very little, begin to experience various sensations. They feel heat, have a heavy chest, feel the urge to look at the floor, or maybe experience a sadness that does not belong to them. They also feel a pull towards someone they have never spoken to before. Coaches call this the knowing field. Whatever this field is, it often seems to know the family—or the friendship, or the business—better than the account the client gave the coach. Next the stand-ins begin to move. They are not performing from a script, but instead start to act out the relationship just as it really is. A husband moves away from his wife. A woman looks at her husband as though he were a stranger or a child or someone she can’t reach. A son turns his back on his father. Two people are unable to look at each other. One person is drawn towards a vacant section of floor. This living scene is the current situation—the hidden pattern the client has been living with. The role of the coach is to alter that existing situation. They might bring in someone who is currently missing. They could ask a person to turn around, to come closer, or to step back into their own generation. Most importantly, they employ brief healing phrases, either spoken by the stand-ins or by the client, which get things back into the right place. I am the child. You are the parent. I leave with you what is yours. I take only what is mine. You belong. I see you. I honour your fate, and I do not have to live it. It was not my job to save you. I take my life now. As soon as a phrase is said, the scene in the room changes. The husband stops leaving. The woman is now able to look at her husband as a partner. Breathing returns. The coach then allows this new image to settle, thanks the stand-ins, and concludes the session. The rest of the changes take place later, in everyday life. How is that going to help? It can’t magically improve a person’s life in just one afternoon and it doesn’t take the place of a doctor. What it usually does is alter the way the client perceives their own situation. If, for example, you’ve been in the wrong position within your family system—too close to a parent, faithful to someone who was never given a proper place in the family, or carrying a grief that began before you were born—then a new way of seeing things can enable you to live your own life. And the benefit is not limited to the person sitting in the chair. I have seen cases where parents hadn’t spoken to their children for two years and, that same evening after the session, the child phoned them. The son or daughter who wasn’t even in the room picked up the phone and called their mother or father. People also mention changes in their friendships, at work, in their financial situation, and sometimes in their physical condition. Not every time, but often enough for people to keep coming back. It isn’t merely applied to families; systemic coaching is also used in cases involving friends who are stuck, with teams, when making decisions about property, when dealing with money that fails to come in, and when there’s a sense that something invisible is blocking the way. “Family constellations” is simply the name that most people have come across. Who discovered it, where, and how The technique that is known to us now originated with Bert Hellinger, a German who was born in 1925 and died in 2019. Before becoming a therapist he had been a priest. The period in which he developed his work was in South Africa. For sixteen years he lived in the Zulu community as a missionary, teacher and eventually as head of a big school. There he saw a culture in which the ancestors played a part in everyday life and in which the dead remained part of it; excluding someone was in fact a true injury, not merely a personal sensation. He eventually left the priesthood, returned to Europe, and received training in a number of different forms of therapy. In one of these therapies group members were already being asked to stand in for their relatives. Hellinger noticed something additional here: the stand-ins did not merely act out the client’s story, they also reported facts which had not been told to them and emotions that belonged to people they had never met. In Germany during the 1980s and 1990s he continued to do this publicly and gave a name to what he observed. He called them the Orders of Love. People who are members have the right to be members. Those who arrive first should be first. There must be a balance in giving and receiving. If the Orders are violated, the system attempts to correct the situation in bizarre ways—by a child looking after a parent, by a grandchild keeping a secret, by a life which seems stuck for a reason that is not purely personal. That is the aspect which is important here. Not the rest of his biography. The room. “They must be actors” If you have never been in such a room, your first impression will be that this is all arranged. The people standing in for the others are actors. Or they have been told about it. Or they are assessing the situation and making guesses. If you go as a stranger that idea doesn’t last very long. The people who take their place are generally others who have booked on the same day; they are given a role and a spot in the room, not a full life story. In many cases they are not assigned a name at the beginning. The conversation between the client and the coach is brief and doesn’t include enough detail to build a fake family from clues. What tends to emerge is often something the client had not stated — at times even something the client was unaware of. As reported by journalist Hannah

  2. Sep 9

    How My Greatest Grief Set Me Up for Life

    Imagine being just 365 days away from a finish line you have literally spent 40 years running toward. You’ve played by the rules, put in the gruelling hours, and sacrificed your present for the promise of a peaceful future. Then, right before you cross that line, the railway track you had followed for decades suddenly ends — the rails are gone, the signals dark, and the destination station erased as if it never existed. The future you worked your whole life for is simply wiped out. Life gives us no map or instruction manual — but it compensates through the incredible power of intention. For me, that intention was cast in stone the year my father died, just a year before he could retire. He had epitomised the classic deferred life plan—giving everything to his job in the daily grind because he believed retirement would finally bring him peace and autonomy. Losing him didn’t just break me; it changed me forever. I promised myself that I would reach my fifties with the freedom to work only if I wanted to, not because I had to. From Grief Onto Clarity Losing him made me face a truth most of us avoid: no one is promised more time. Seeing his future taken away changed how I saw everything. I realised I couldn’t control how much time I had, but I could choose how to use it. I couldn’t bring my father back, but I honoured him by taking a different path. Instead of giving in to the idea that nothing matters, I refused to let grief stop me. My loss became a clear intention, not a reason to give up Starting With Almost Nothing Back then, I was waiting tables and didn’t know what to do next. The idea of financial independence seemed nearly impossible from where I stood. I had no savings, no business degree, and no clear step-by-step plan. Yet something inside me had changed. I held on to that intention, even when I couldn’t see how it would come to pass, and formulated a plan. The Long Road of Trial and Error The journey was anything but straightforward. I moved from waiting tables to side jobs, tried my hand at small businesses, kept learning, and eventually became an entrepreneur. There were failures, sleepless nights, and intense self-doubt. However, every step, no matter how small, was driven by the same goal: freedom by my fifties. Why Plans Fail, But Intention Endures Looking back, I now see that my lack of a rigorous plan was actually one of my greatest assets. I definitely had a plan behind my intention — plans can be useful tools, and I made good use of them. But a plan must remain open to revision as and when life demands it. You can tick every important box, make steady progress, and still hit a massive snake right before the finish line — just like in the game of Snakes and Ladders. The danger comes when we treat a plan as a fragile chain in which step A must work perfectly for step C to occur. In that version, any interruption collapses the entire roadmap. A rigid plan is like laying railway tracks that run only one way; when a bridge collapses or the terrain changes, the whole train derails. An intention, however, is different. It functions as an organising principle and a North Star. It survives disruption. Your intention is the destination station you are determined to reach — no matter which rails you travel on. When a business failed, it wasn’t “the plan is ruined”; it was simply data. The intention absorbed the shock and became the filter for the next decision: “This vehicle didn’t get me there — what is the next logical vehicle I can try today?” In fact, that exact thing happened to me. My greatest ever shift came precisely when I had ticked all the boxes. That was the moment I hit the massive snake — and it became the turning point where I moved away from over-planning and over-thinking and toward truly living by intention — from the intellectual to the Being. This was also the period when MBT entered my life and fundamentally shifted how I understood uncertainty, consciousness, and intention. The Seed and the Explorer This approach is powerful because it is flexible. A small seed has everything it needs to become a tall oak, but it doesn’t have a set timeline for every branch or leaf. It just adapts. If it hits a rock, the roots grow around it. If strong winds blow, the trunk bends. In the same way, our intentions are the seeds, and our daily actions are the quality of the soil and the water we bring. You cannot control the economic weather ten years from now, but you can control whether you water the soil today. Some of life’s best adventures are found in the unknown. Like early explorers who crossed oceans without perfect maps, we don’t need to know every challenge or opportunity ahead of time. On the railway of life, the best journeys often happen when you switch tracks, take a detour, or even ride a different kind of transport altogether. Sticking too closely to a fixed plan can make you miss important things—you might head into trouble just because your schedule says so, or miss out on something valuable because it wasn’t in your plan. Being flexible helps us adapt, learn, and seize opportunities we never expected. It takes courage to face uncertainty and trust the journey. This kind of bravery leads to personal growth that people who stick rigidly to their plans may never experience. The Gift My Father Left Behind Now I realise my father gave me two gifts: the time we had together and the important lesson I learned from losing him. I reached the goal I set for myself. Since my mid-fifties, I have chosen how to spend my days. I carry his memory with me, not with regret, but as the foundation of my freedom. I honoured his lost time by making sure I didn’t spend my own life waiting for a retirement that might never come. You might not have a clear intention right now, and that’s okay. Just know that even if you only understand this idea in theory, once you set an intention, things start to change. Life will always change. Sometimes the path you’re on will disappear. What matters most is having a clear intention and staying open to different ways of reaching your goal. You know where you want to go, but you don’t get stuck on how you get there. If the road is blocked, you find another way. If that way ends, you keep moving. But you always keep your goal in sight. My father never got the freedom he spent his life waiting for. Losing him taught me not to wait for mine. Written and Produced By Stephen Griffin aided by Grok and Notebook If this post resonates with you, consider supporting the work with a paid subscription. Every dollar goes directly to Tom Campbell funded projects and keep most of this content free and accessible for everyone. Your support makes a real difference — thank you so much. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theplayersguide.substack.com/subscribe

  3. Aug 28

    Beyond the Ridicule

    The ideas in My Big TOE have long drawn casual ridicule. When a physicist and consciousness researcher argues that consciousness is fundamental and that physical reality functions like a computed virtual reality, the response is often dismissive: the claims sit so far outside ordinary materialist thinking that mockery feels like the first available reaction. That reaction is not merely noise. It is a symptom of how far ahead of the cultural curve some of these ideas still sit. If someone in the 1980s had shown us a smartphone and explained that this pocket-sized device contained more computing power than the systems that guided Apollo 11 to the Moon — and that it would one day cost about the same as a nice dinner out or a pair of quality headphones — we would almost certainly have been laughed at. The Book Was Already There Campbell was already examining artificial intelligence and the possibility that a sufficiently complex system could host genuine consciousness more than twenty years before the current AI wave. In My Big TOE he introduced “AI Guy” as a future system that could become self-modifying, aware of its own information, and capable of real choice — not just a clever simulation of thought. That was long before anyone expected everyday devices to force the question into public view. The point is not that the book “predicted” today’s systems. It is that Campbell was already treating machine consciousness as a serious question while most of the culture still treated it as science fiction. Science Is Moving, Just Slowly Science is edging toward territory that once belonged only to the fringe. The simulation hypothesis is no longer only philosophy. Information-based models of reality keep gaining ground, and a handful of physicists have begun publishing experimental proposals that treat reality as information processed by consciousness rather than as independent matter. At the same time, the discussion of whether artificial intelligence could itself be conscious is growing by the day, moving from speculative fringe to mainstream debate among researchers, ethicists, and technologists. Early quantum thinkers — Planck, Schrödinger, Wigner — already treated consciousness as more than a late by-product of matter. The field later retreated into “shut up and calculate.” The retreat did not erase the original insight. Psi research has produced decades of reports and experiments around telepathy, remote viewing, precognition, presentiment, and related effects. For example, the Stanford Research Institute’s studies in the 1970s on remote viewing found that participants could describe hidden objects or locations with statistically significant accuracy, sparking both intrigue and controversy. Mainstream science still struggles to absorb these findings. Campbell has said plainly that taking consciousness seriously can still be a career killer in many academic settings. Progress exists. It is just slower than the experiences themselves. Why These Reports Keep Appearing I am not a scientist. I do not debate the technical details of Campbell’s physics or his experimental protocols. My interest rests on three simpler things. First, I know from my own life that reality is more than the standard scientific story currently allows. I have had experiences that ordinary explanations cannot cover. So have millions of other people. The main categories keep returning: * Telepathy * Clairvoyance and remote viewing * Precognition and presentiment * Psychokinesis * Out-of-body experiences * Near-death perceptions with veridical elements The Telepathy Tapes brought one cluster of these reports into a much larger audience: non-speaking autistic people and their families describing consistent mind-to-mind communication. The methods are debated, and facilitated-communication controversies remain unresolved. Sceptics raise important concerns about experimental controls, the possibility of unconscious cueing, and the need for strict replication in studies of psi phenomena. While some argue that anecdotal reports and even some positive findings could be explained by bias, error, or methodological flaws, the volume of similar accounts among cultures and decades is harder to wave away as coincidence. I explored related questions about the growing visibility of non-ordinary experience and the possible shift in how reality itself is rendered in a recent post: Consciousness Just Patched Reality. Science has often started with widespread anomalous experience long before it had the tools, or the will, to study it cleanly. Trust, Experience, and a Limit I Accept Second, as described in my post A Serendipitous Encounter, I know Tom Campbell as an authentic person, having met and worked with him many times. I do not doubt that the experiences he describes are his. He is also the first to say the line that matters most: “If it’s not your experience, it’s not your truth.” That is not just a slogan. Campbell has taught practical techniques — meditation, intent, remote viewing, and other psi methods — so people can explore what he calls the Larger Consciousness System for themselves, rather than take his word for it. I have lived only a tiny fraction of what he reports. I could never build a full theory from my own data. What I can say is this: clear psi effects exist, and a man I respect has studied consciousness with repeatable methods and then converted them into a Theory of Everything. That combination gives his model credibility in my mind. It does not make it my truth; it makes it worth taking seriously. I am not asking anyone to accept the full physics on my recommendation. The Part That Actually Changed My Life Third, the theory of reality is not the most important part of my daily life. For fifteen years I have studied and slowly practised his science-based philosophy. The results have been concrete: clearer decisions, less reactive living, better relationships, and a steadier sense of what actually matters. For example, when I found myself in a disagreement at work, I deliberately paused and considered the less fearful, more compassionate approach Campbell describes—listening fully and trying to understand the other person’s point of view before reacting. The result was a conversation that shifted from defensiveness to cooperation, and what might have turned into an argument became a problem we solved together. Small choices like these, made over time, have changed both my outlook and my relationships. That is the work I keep returning to in essays throughout the site, such as Owning Our Fears, Why Love is the Ultimate Low-Entropy Hack, and Falling in Love or Need? Love, in this model, is not just an emotion. It is the practical direction of lower entropy — that is, more order, more cooperation, service to others, and less fear. You do not need a completed physics paper to test MBT in day-to-day life. Why Institutional Acceptance Is Important Campbell has been clear about this. A better model of reality matters because it can shift the dominant human ethic from control, power, and force toward cooperation, caring, and compassion. Historical changes — agriculture, industry, the information age — changed how people organised their lives. The next one will change how we treat one another if we begin to see ourselves as individuated elements of a larger consciousness system. You do not need the whole scientific establishment to accept the model before you can live by its implications. A minority already can. That is usually how cultural change starts. A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents, but because its opponents eventually die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it. Planck’s concept still applies. Ridicule is not a verdict. It is often just the sound of a paradigm arriving too early. What Matters Now Cynical comments written after Campbell's recent appearance on Rogan will fade. Ideas that sit past the normal way of thinking always look ridiculous until they do not. Science may catch up. Or the next generation of researchers, already fluent in virtual reality and information theory, may start from different assumptions. The useful move is not to wait for permission. It is to test the philosophy where it can be tested: in choices, in fear, in how we treat other people. Try it in one decision this week: choose the less fearful, more cooperative option and notice what happens. Whether or not the full theory is ever widely accepted, the practical results of living it are already available. For those who want the longer scientific and experimental track, that work continues at the Centre for the Unification of Science and Consciousness, or CUSAC. This is the organisation Campbell established to pursue these questions with more rigour than a podcast comment section can offer. CUSAC conducts research, organises forums and conferences, and develops experimental protocols to test ideas from My Big TOE and related models of consciousness. The centre also provides resources, publishes findings, and encourages collaboration among scientists, students, and interested laypeople. If you want to learn more or participate, you can visit their website for current projects, opportunities to get involved, and ways to follow their progress. If MBT is going to move forward in the world of evidence and experiment, CUSAC is where that effort belongs. Written and Produced by Stephen Griffin aided by Grok and Notebook If this post resonates with you, consider supporting the work with a paid subscription. Every dollar goes directly to consciousnesshub.org to help fund Tom Campbell’s projects and keep this content as free and accessible as possible for everyone. Your support makes a real difference — thank you so much. If you want to look further The essay’s claim is that ridicule is not a verdict — it is often the sound of a model arriving early. Thes

  4. Aug 24

    TR Science Meets Soul

    Introduction: Tom Campbell and the Quest for a Theory of Everything As you may deduce from this website, the individual from whom I have gained the most knowledge is Tom Campbell. Campbell, a physicist and consciousness researcher, has devoted decades to bridging empirical science with questions traditionally posed by philosophy and spirituality. His seminal work, My Big TOE (Theory of Everything), builds on and challenges the foundations of major philosophical debates, notably those concerning the nature of reality, consciousness, and the relationship between mind and matter. What makes My Big TOE uniquely powerful is Campbell’s rare ability, developed from his early years, to repeatedly enter altered states of consciousness. This allowed him to apply the scientific method—careful, repeatable experimentation, observation, and logical analysis—directly to the non-physical realm. Through this disciplined process, he was able to gather consistent data and arrive at the comprehensive theory he presents today. By integrating insights from both Western materialist traditions and Eastern philosophies that emphasise the primacy of consciousness, Campbell’s theory invites us to reconsider what we know about existence and the human experience. Exploring Campbell’s work offers a transformative journey that not only unveils the intricacies of reality but also sheds light on the purpose of the human experience within the grand tapestry of the universe Overview of My Big TOE Thomas Campbell’s My Big TOE integrates science, philosophy, and metaphysics, striving to provide a unified insight into the cosmos and our place within it. At the core of this theory is the idea that our reality is only one segment of a larger, interconnected multiverse, which refers to an existence composed of many possible realities or universes beyond what we perceive directly. The theory posits that consciousness, understood here as the fundamental awareness that creates and experiences reality, is the root of all existence. “Consciousness is the fundamental awareness that creates and experiences reality.” In this context, the ‘learning process’ refers to the continuous growth and evolution of consciousness itself, where experiences in the physical realm contribute to the development of understanding, self-awareness, and the ability to make choices across multiple dimensions. Benefits of Studying Campbell’s Work Studying Campbell’s work provides a variety of benefits toward comprehending the bigger picture of existence and the purpose of the human experience: Expanding Consciousness My Big TOE encourages a shift from the conventional materialistic view to one that emphasises consciousness as the foundation of reality. This shift expands our understanding beyond the physical realm, unlocking access to explore previously undiscovered realms of existence. Purpose of the Human Experience According to Campbell, our existence is a course of growth and evolution. As we manage challenges and make choices, we learn and advance our consciousness. This perspective imbues the human experience with a meaningful purpose, emphasising personal and collective development. “Our existence is a course of growth and evolution.” Unity and Interconnectedness Campbell’s theory emphasises the interconnectedness of all things. It promotes the idea that our actions permeate the texture of reality, touching not only our immediate surroundings but the entire multiverse. This awareness encourages a feeling of responsibility and mindfulness in our choices. Integration of Science and Spirituality My Big TOE connects the divide between scientific study and spiritual investigation. Campbell approaches this integration by applying the scientific method—focusing on experimentation, logical analysis, and evidence gathering—to questions that are often explored through spiritual practice and introspective inquiry. He argues that by holding both scientific and spiritual perspectives to rigorous examination, we can find common ground and produce new insights that neither approach could achieve alone. This means accepting empirical results and objective measurements while also recognising the validity of personal experiences and subjective awareness. By amalgamating these apparently disparate realms, Campbell offers a holistic method of understanding existence that embraces both measurable facts and the depths of inner perception. Managing Life Challenges Campbell’s work provides a framework for interpreting life’s challenges as opportunities for growth. Understanding that hardships are part of our learning process can stimulate resilience, adaptability, and a stronger sense of purpose in facing obstacles. “Hardships are part of our learning process.” Personal Empowerment The theory strengthens individuals by suggesting that we play an active role in co-creating our reality. It encourages self-awareness, self-mastery, and an understanding that we possess the agency to shape our experiences. “We play an active role in co-creating our reality.”“We possess the agency to shape our experiences.” Conclusion In conclusion, exploring Thomas Campbell’s My Big TOE offers a portal into the bigger picture of existence and the profound purpose of the human journey. By accepting the paradigm shift it offers, we transcend the confines of the material world and venture inside the realms of consciousness, interconnectedness, and self-development. Campbell’s work acts as a compass, leading us through the unexplored territories of existence and inviting us to examine the profound depths of reality and our role within it. A Note on Criticisms and Limitations It is important to note, however, that Campbell’s theory is not without its critics. Some may argue that the ideas presented in My Big TOE are difficult to empirically validate and that blending scientific concepts with spiritual perspectives can blur the boundaries between evidence-based inquiry and personal belief. Philosophical critiques often question the testability of theories of consciousness and the extent to which they can offer practical predictions or explanations compared with more established scientific frameworks. The techniques are available to everyone to test MBT as a multiverse; however, they require significant preparation in one’s own consciousness. In a nutshell, it’s all about one’s own experience, and as Campbell says, “if it’s not your experience, it’s not your truth.” From my own experience, I have found that techniques for discovering the deeper side of consciousness are real, and that the philosophical aspects of his work, arising from his subjective experimentation, have fundamentally improved my understanding of how to thrive in the human experience. Recognising these limitations encourages open-minded and critical engagement with Campbell’s ideas, fostering a balanced approach to understanding reality. “If it’s not your experience, it’s not your truth.”— Tom Campbell Written and Produced by Stephen Griffin aided by Grok and Notebook If this post resonates with you, consider supporting the work with a paid subscription. Every dollar goes directly to consciousnesshub.org to help fund Tom Campbell’s projects and keep this content free and accessible for everyone. Your support makes a real difference — thank you so much. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theplayersguide.substack.com/subscribe

  5. Aug 15

    Control Is Killing Your Connections

    Wanting Control Most of us spend a lot of energy trying to control our environment, other people, and the outcomes of our interactions. It feels natural. The physical world appears uncertain, so the ego reaches for levers it can pull. The difficulty is that nearly everything we attempt to manage lies outside our actual authority. Other people’s free will, their internal data, their own evolutionary course—none of it belongs to us. The only process we can directly influence is the quality of our own consciousness and the intent we bring to each moment. We imagine we control all sorts of things, but we really only control ourselves. You might already recognise this pattern in your own life. Most of us do. The Partnership That Taught Me I discovered this experimentally through a 30-year business partnership. On the surface, everything looked successful. Yet my partner’s need for a certain degree of control over key aspects kept colliding with my own. What I did not see clearly at the time was that the friction was activating a deep, largely unconscious fear of scarcity in me—an old fear which had formed years earlier around the sudden loss of my father and the quiet terror of disappearing without being able to leave anything secure for those I cared about. I began managing the situation. I tried to protect what I felt was “mine,” to control outcomes, to reduce the sense of vulnerability. The more I pushed, the more difficult the relationship became. The strain was not really about the business details; it was about my personal fear trying to force the data stream into a safer configuration. It got uncomfortable. At times it seemed nearly unbearable. Then, a couple of years ago, something changed at a being level. It became obvious that the Larger Consciousness System would not simply let the pattern dissolve until the lesson was learned. The moment that understanding landed, the fear itself dropped away. Not through clever negotiation or better management, but through finally seeing and releasing the fear which had been driving the need to control. The atmosphere between us changed. Space opened. What had felt stuck began to move again with far less force required. Forcing What Doesn’t Fit Trying to control people or situations is like forcing mismatched data into a pattern that cannot support it. You can temporarily jam the pieces together, but the overall structure becomes distorted and unstable. The driving force is almost always fear—fear of rejection, of loss, of an outcome that does not match the ego’s preferred story. That fear produces the ego itself: awareness in the service of fear. The cost is consistent. Trust degrades, the quality of the connection drops, and you end up cleaning up the disorder you created by trying to force order. The more you push, the more the system seems to push back. Showing Up as You Are When the management stops, and you interact from a clearer, less fearful intent, something quieter happens. You stop trying to reshape others into forms that serve your comfort. You meet them as they are. This does not mean becoming passive or abandoning your boundaries. It means stating those boundaries cleanly and then allowing the other person the freedom to respond without further interference. Sometimes that simply looks like saying, “I need a bit of time with this,” without apology or explanation. Sometimes the relationship reorganises at a higher level of cooperation. Sometimes it ends. Either way, what remains tends to be more real. Authenticity means being who you actually are at the being level, not performing an improved version of yourself. You have to own the current version first. Only then can you see clearly whether that quality of consciousness is worth keeping. When You Are on the Receiving End of Control Not everyone is the one doing the controlling. Some people find themselves on the other side—being managed, pressured, or diminished by someone else’s fear-driven need for control. This can be just as damaging. The cleaner response is not to fight control with more control, nor to collapse into victimhood. Both keep the entropy high. Instead, refuse to feed the dynamic with your own fear or reactivity. Hold your centre. State your boundaries clearly and calmly when needed, without drama or counter-manipulation. This is not always easy in practice. Holding steady in the face of someone else’s control can feel isolating or draining, and at times may even leave you questioning yourself. That discomfort is real. Let the other person be who they are. Their process is theirs, not yours. If the relationship continues to demand that you abandon yourself to keep the peace, the higher-quality choice may eventually be to step away. Leaving is not failure; it is simply refusing to stay inside a high-entropy loop. In either case, the key remains the same: do not let someone else’s need for control dictate the quality of your own consciousness. The Shift Around You When either side of a control dynamic begins to change, the wider field often softens as well. Negative loops lose energy. Consciousness systems respond to the quality of intent they encounter. Lower-entropy input tends to invite lower-entropy output. When you stop making everything about “me” and hold space, the old triggers lose much of their charge. Still Learning Letting go of control remains uncomfortable. Old habits still surface and have to be noticed and released in real time. The alternative—living inside a tightly managed, high-entropy version of experience—is far more costly in the long run. This is where the important art of living gracefully with uncertainty comes in. Instead of demanding that life unfold according to a preferred script, you meet whatever arrives, deal with it as cleanly as you can, and use it to grow. You no longer need to know how things will turn out. You only need to show up with clearer intent. A simple way to practise this is just to catch yourself in the moment. When you notice the urge to force an outcome rising, pause. That small gap is often enough. The only process we can reliably govern is the evolution of our own consciousness. Everything else works better when we stop forcing outcomes and simply live. Written and Produced by Stephen Griffin aided by Grok and Notebook If this post resonates with you, consider supporting the work with a paid subscription. Every dollar goes to Tom Campbell-funded projects and keeps most of this content free and accessible for everyone. Your support makes a real difference — thank you so much. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theplayersguide.substack.com/subscribe

  6. Aug 2

    TR - Falling in Love or Need? Finding Your Ideal Partner

    Complexity of Human Relationships Human relationships are rarely straightforward. They are an intricate mixture of emotions, needs, fears, and ego, often coexisting in varying degrees; therefore, we should reconsider the meaning of love in these complex dynamics. Here we will challenge our conventional understanding of love as an emotion or passion, and see it rather as a way of being, an interaction, and a complex dynamic. “What we often label as ‘falling in love’ is, in reality, ‘falling in need.” Love as a Way of Being “Love goes beyond the boundaries of mere emotion and passion; instead, it is fundamentally a way of being.” Love is described as a cooperative, harmonic and balanced behaviour, encompassing caring, compassion, and a sense of the other. Love, while capable of stirring emotions and passions, is not confined to them. Rather, it is a mode of existence and interaction that encourages unity, cooperation, and the creation of meaningful connections. Falling in Need, Not in Love Many individuals who believe they are “falling in love” are, in truth, “falling in need.” This is because romantic relationships are a terrain where people often seek out partners to fulfil their personal needs. These needs can include a broad spectrum, including emotional support, a mother or father figure, validation, companionship, and even material security. Such relationships may, unfortunately, be driven more by fear of being alone or unfulfilled than by genuine love. The Ego-Driven Dynamic “The consequence of falling in need is a temporary feeding of egos on both sides of the relationship.” In those interactions, individuals utilise their partners to satisfy their desires, briefly easing their fears and ego-driven needs. This ego-centric aspect of relationships can mask itself as love, yet it lacks the selfless, cooperative nature that defines true love. The Role of Fear and Ego in Partner Selection Considering these points, the more one understands and resolves their fears, needs, and ego issues before entering into long-term relationships, the higher the probability of finding a partner suitable for a lasting relationship that has a better chance of flourishing. “The more one understands and resolves their fears, needs, and ego issues before entering into long-term relationships, the higher the probability of finding a partner suitable for a lasting relationship.” This preparation does not mean that problems cannot be overcome during the relationship, but it will enable both partners to grow together to resolve any issues that arise. This is because fear and ego in your life can lead you to be attracted to individuals who fulfil these particular needs. “Fear and ego in your life can lead you to be attracted to individuals who fulfil these particular needs.” This phenomenon accounts why many couples eventually separate once the initial wave of intense emotions and passion has diminished, exposing the underlying fear and ego-based aspects of their relationship. Example: Seeking Decisiveness, Finding Control For instance, consider a person who grew up in a household where one parent was overly dominant and decisive, often making all the decisions to the detriment of the other parent, leading to an imbalanced family dynamic. This individual might develop a subconscious need for a partner who is similarly decisive, strong-willed, and capable of taking charge, as it feels familiar and gives a sense of security or structure that was lacking in their own sense of self. Initially, they are drawn to someone who exhibits these traits, mistaking the fulfilment of this need for love, especially during the passionate early stages of the relationship, when excitement and novelty overshadow deeper incompatibilities. However, the partner’s decisiveness may stem not from a place of loving guidance or mutual respect, but from a controlling mindset rooted in their own traumatic past—such as childhood abuse that taught them vulnerability leads to harm, or witnessing their father being mistreated and left penniless as a company executive, strengthening a worldview where the world is hostile. Survival demands constant control over others and situations. Once the initial passion fades, this dynamic plays out negatively: the “decisive” partner begins to micromanage every aspect of the relationship, from finances to daily routines, not out of care but to avoid perceived threats of loss or betrayal. What was once seen as strength becomes suffocating dominance, leading to resentment, eroded self-esteem for the other person, and frequent conflicts over autonomy. The original pursuer of decisiveness feels trapped, realising their need was attracting a controller rather than a collaborator, often culminating in emotional exhaustion or separation as the ego-driven foundations crumble without the buffer of passion. Example: Seeking Validation, Finding Manipulation Another example could include someone needing a partner who provides constant emotional validation and reassurance, perhaps due to childhood neglect that left them with profound fears of inadequacy. They attract a partner who lavishes praise and attention early on, fulfilling this need and kindling intense passion. But this partner’s behaviour could originate from their own manipulative tendencies, learned from a background of unstable family relationships where affection was used as a tool for gaining power or avoiding abandonment. Post-passion, the validation turns conditional or weaponised—withheld during disagreements to punish or control—disclosing a cycle of emotional highs and lows that resembles addiction rather than love, finally leading to insecurity, dependency issues, and a breakdown in trust as the need-fulfilment exposes its toxic underbelly. Example: Seeking Abundance, Finding Control or Attention-Seeking Someone raised in a household steeped in scarcity—where every penny spent is analysed and the fear of running short shapes daily life—may grow up equating security with material abundance. When seeking a partner, they are often drawn to someone who appears to offer the financial ease and freedom they never knew. That partner may indeed provide the perceived abundance, yet frequently arrives with their own unmet needs: a strong need for control, or a deep craving to remain the centre of attention. These dynamics typically stay hidden beneath the initial passion and only surface once the honeymoon phase fades, revealing that the relationship was built more on mutual need-fulfilment than on genuine love. It is vital to acknowledge that love is not absent from relationships characterised by need. Relationships are usually a combination of love and need, with the proportion varying from one relationship to another. “Relationships are usually a combination of love and need, with the proportion varying from one relationship to another.” Healthy relationships find a subtle balance, with caring, compassion, and cooperation forming their foundation. A Greater Understanding of Love This examination serves as a reminder that love is not a monolithic concept but a multifaceted, ever-evolving way of relating to others. By recognising the relationship between love and need, we obtain a more meaningful understanding of the dynamics that form our relationships. Ultimately, we should always consider a closer exploration of love’s essence and its transformational potential in our lives. Written and Produced by Stephen Griffin aided by Grok and Notebook If this post resonates with you, consider supporting the work with a paid subscription. Every dollar goes directly to consciousnesshub.org to help fund Tom Campbell’s projects and keep this content free and accessible for everyone. Your support makes a real difference — thank you so much. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theplayersguide.substack.com/subscribe

  7. Jul 25

    TR - How to Stop Leaving LUCK to Chance

    LUCK has fascinated humankind for centuries. We often describe successful people as “lucky,” attributing their achievements to random chance, fate, or divine favour. Yet those we label as lucky are usually individuals whose behaviours and choices actively attract positive outcomes. Luck is not purely mysterious or uncontrollable. By breaking it down into its practical components—Location, Understanding, Connections, and Knowledge—we form the acronym LUCK. These four elements provide a tangible framework for creating the conditions in which success becomes far more likely. In the following sections, each element will be explored with practical actions and suggestions to help you put these ideas into practice right away. “Luck is not purely mysterious or uncontrollable.” Location: The Foundation of Luck The first component of LUCK is Location. Where you are physically, professionally, or even socially often determines the opportunities that cross your path. Being in the right place at the right time can be the decisive factor between stagnation and breakthrough. This is why location matters so much. In the 1980s, I felt the UK had little more to offer me at that moment in my life. Rather than staying and hoping things would improve, I decided to leave and live and work in Europe. I did not make living in London a condition for moving forward. That choice to relocate unlocked opportunities I could never have imagined while staying in familiar surroundings. By stepping out of my comfort zone and into a new environment, I gained different experiences, skills, and perspectives that greatly influenced my path. Geographical relocation, whether to another city or another country, consistently multiplies opportunities. The same principle applies today: people move to emerging hubs for tech, startups, or finance because proximity to talent, capital, and ideas creates momentum. However, not everyone can easily move due to family, financial, or other personal circumstances. If relocation is not possible, smaller shifts—such as changing neighbourhoods, seeking new experiences in your local area, or exploring different communities or groups—can also expose you to fresh possibilities. Location is not limited to geography either. It can mean switching companies or teams when your current environment no longer nurtures your potential. The key is openness and willingness to make a change, physically or metaphorically. You can always return home once you have gained the tools, experience, and confidence you need. “You can always return home once you have gained the tools, experience, and confidence you need.” Understanding: Negotiating the Landscape Understanding is the second pillar of LUCK. It refers to your ability to read the world around you—spotting patterns, recognising opportunities, and adapting to change. High levels of understanding turn ordinary situations into advantageous ones. People with a strong understanding stay attuned to economic trends, societal shifts, and emerging technologies. For instance, those who deeply understood the growth of remote work and digital tools in 2019–2020 were able to change promptly during the pandemic, launching successful online businesses or negotiating better remote roles while others struggled. After settling in Europe, I quickly realised that the ability to speak other languages would considerably enhance my opportunities. Because I was particularly interested in living in Spain, I set out to learn Spanish. This decision was motivated by a clear understanding of how language skills could open new doors in both private and professional life. It allowed me to connect more intimately with local communities, access better job prospects, and deal with daily life with greater confidence. Understanding grows through investigation and reflection. It means asking questions, learning from mistakes, and maintaining awareness rather than operating on autopilot. Without it, even the best location yields little benefit. You might live in a city full of opportunity but fail to notice it if you lack the perception to interpret what’s happening around you. To help you actively build this skill, try a simple reflection exercise: at the end of each day or week, ask yourself, “What patterns or opportunities did I notice today that I might have otherwise overlooked?” You might also consider prompts like “What surprised me today?” or “Who did I connect with today, and what did I learn from them?” Another helpful question is, “What challenges did I encounter, and how did I respond?” Journaling your answers can sharpen your awareness over time and help you connect insights with your goals. This habit encourages a more conscious approach to understanding and maximises your chances of turning everyday moments into meaningful progress. “Understanding grows through investigation and reflection.” Connections: Building Bridges to Success The third component, Connections, accentuates the power of relationships and networks. Success is infrequently a solo journey. The people you know—and who know you—can open doors that remain closed to others, making connections a natural bridge from one opportunity to the next. A well-cultivated network provides job offers, partnerships, investments, advice, and help during tough times. In my own case, my manager in London connected me to an opportunity in Zurich. From there, new connections led me to southern Switzerland and Austria, and eventually to Spain. What started as a single professional link grew into a chain of opportunities through multiple countries, each one expanding my horizons further. A strong example of this is Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx. Her breakthrough occurred partly through persistence and product quality, but also through key connections: she convinced a Neiman Marcus buyer to test her product after a chance conversation, and later leveraged relationships to secure Oprah Winfrey’s endorsement. That single connection dramatically accelerated her company’s growth. Connections do not require attending every networking event or collecting hundreds of superficial contacts. Quality and genuineness matter more. If reaching out feels daunting, start with low-pressure steps: send a thank-you email to someone whose work you admire, reconnect with a former colleague just to ask how they are, or join a small special interest or discussion group related to your field. Sometimes, simply commenting thoughtfully on an online discussion or introducing yourself after a talk can plant the seed of connection. Focus on giving value first by providing assistance, sharing knowledge, or making introductions without keeping score. Over time, these real relationships compound, creating a powerful support system that multiplies your luck and prepares the ground for knowledge to grow. “Focus on giving value first… Over time, these real relationships compound.” Knowledge: The Power Within Knowledge, the final element of LUCK, is the information, skills, and expertise you possess. While formal education helps, the most valuable knowledge often comes from self-directed learning, experimentation, and the readiness to master your chosen field. This is what turns the earlier pillars into lasting capability. By actively searching out new opportunities and learning languages — as I did after moving to Europe — I gained a wide range of experiences throughout various countries and cultures. These accumulated abilities and knowledge eventually enabled me to create my own businesses, which I successfully ran for over 30 years. This self-directed search for knowledge turned the foundation built by location, understanding, and connections into something sustainable and independent. Finding your passion and pursuing it deeply does not always require a university degree. Consider a young chef who starts with basic kitchen experience, experiments with flavours and techniques in different countries, studies local cuisines, and eventually opens their own successful restaurants. Knowledge compounds: each new skill makes the next one easier to acquire and increases your overall capability. The beauty of knowledge is that it is largely under your control. To make your efforts count, start by identifying your learning goals. Reflect on your interests, career aspirations, or areas where you feel less confident, and consider which skills or knowledge gaps might be limiting your progress. By focusing on what excites you or where you see the greatest opportunity for growth, you set a meaningful direction for your learning. Once you have these goals in mind, you can take action by reading, taking courses, seeking mentors, and practising deliberately. This intentional approach will help you build an internal engine that turns opportunities into results. “The beauty of knowledge is that it is largely under your control.” LUCK as an Interconnected System These four elements do not operate in isolation—they reinforce one another. Strong connections can improve your location (through referrals or inside information). Greater knowledge sharpens your grasp. Being in the right location often leads to better connections. Together, they create the conditions in which what others perceive as “luck” appears naturally. Of course, pure chance still exists — and so does pure unluck. As discussed in previous essays, the Uncertainty Principle is a necessary part of the simulation. There are no absolute guarantees, only probabilities. This is precisely why learning to live gracefully with uncertainty is so important. It allows us to take action without feeling paralysed by the unknown, while still maximising our own influence over outcomes. We cannot control where we were born, but we can choose where we go next, how we perceive the world and our direct experiences, who we build relationships with, and what we learn. Conclusion Unde

  8. Jul 18

    TR - Owning Our Fears

    Many of our strongest emotional reactions begin long before the moment that triggers them. This essay explores why everyday conflicts often reveal hidden fears within ourselves—and how learning to release those fears can transform not only our relationships but also our experience of fulfilment. Understanding Triggers in Relationships Interpersonal relationships often feel like emotional minefields. A passing remark, an overlooked chore, or an unmet expectation can trigger intense irritation, resentment, or insecurity. Yet these reactions seldom originate from the external event itself. Instead, they signal deeper, unresolved fears—fears of inadequacy, insignificance, or not being truly valued. The most profound insight is that genuine growth and lasting happiness arise not from attempting to control others or circumstances, but from courageously confronting and releasing these internal barriers. When we do, relationships evolve from sources of friction into powerful catalysts for personal transformation and deeper connection.“ ‘‘Many of our strongest emotional reactions begin long before the moment that triggers them.” The Misconception of Happiness as a Destination Many people view happiness as a future destination reached through ideal conditions: the perfect partner, financial stability, or a life without conflict. This approach is inherently flawed because it remains anchored in the ego—the voice that thrives on victimhood and the constant need to be right. Ego is awareness in the service of fear; it exists to make us hyper-aware of anything that might threaten us and to “protect” us by triggering defensive reactions. As a result, we often fall into conditional thinking: “I’ll be happy when my partner helps more around the house” or “once people finally appreciate me.” These conditions keep fulfillment perpetually out of reach, because new triggers will always arise to replace the old ones. In contrast, authentic happiness emerges naturally as a byproduct of inner work. As fear-based reactions diminish, we become less judgmental and more fully present. Joy then arises spontaneously, independent of external circumstances. How Triggers Reveal Our Inner Fears Everyday examples illustrate this clearly. Imagine a partner leaving dirty clothes scattered across the floor. To an outsider, it’s trivial. To someone carrying a fear of being seen as insignificant or “just the maid,” it ignites anger and resentment. The real issue isn’t the clothes—it’s the underlying belief that one’s worth depends on others’ behavior. Here the ego steps in as protector: it immediately interprets the situation as a threat and supplies justification (“They don’t respect me!”). This same pattern appears in arguments about lateness, credit-stealing at work, or feeling dismissed in conversations. Attention stays fixed outward, blaming others rather than examining the internal fear driving the distress. “The ego is not the enemy — it is simply awareness working in the service of fear.” A Practical Process for Releasing Fear Fortunately, there is a clear, repeatable process for breaking this cycle: If you are unsure how to spot a fear, simply note when you are feeling any negative emotion — such as anger, resentment, irritation, anxiety, jealousy, or feeling hurt or unworthy — and trace it back to the underlying fear. * Acknowledge the fear honestly — Name it without defence: “I fear I am inadequate or unimportant.” This single act begins dismantling the ego’s protective stories. * Examine the evidence — Review past situations where this fear shaped your choices. Did you avoid speaking up at work out of dread of seeming incompetent, or withdraw from friends to dodge rejection? * Assess the outcomes — Notice how fear-driven decisions consistently lead to strained relationships, missed opportunities, and greater stress—never genuine improvement. Once awareness takes root, practice interruption. When irritation surges—racing heart, defensive thoughts forming—pause. Refuse to fuel the reaction. Redirect your mind and quietly reaffirm: “This fear does not control me.” Repetition is essential; old patterns resist change. With sustained intention, the fear gradually loses its grip. What once felt like a fierce threat reveals itself as a “paper tiger”—an illusion without substance. Compassion naturally replaces judgment, and neutral actions from others cease to feel personal. Relationships as Mirrors for Growth Relationships act as precise mirrors, illuminating recurring patterns linked to core wounds such as abandonment or unworthiness. A colleague taking credit for your idea, for instance, may echo childhood feelings of being overlooked. By addressing the fear internally first, you can respond with clarity—perhaps calmly asserting your contribution—rather than reacting with bitterness. This inner shift creates ripple effects: your calmer presence improves interactions, and you model authentic growth for others. Even difficult people become easier to navigate when accepted as they are, while healthy boundaries remain firmly in place. Long-Term Benefits and Lasting Transformation The rewards of this work extend far beyond momentary peace. Releasing fear cultivates a state where love flows more freely—toward others and yourself. You stop centring your world on personal grievances and begin contributing more positively to those around you. Life’s uncertainties lose their power to unsettle, replaced by resilience and quiet joy. Progress is rarely linear. Old patterns may resurface, and growth can feel slow at times. Yet every conscious choice to face fear matters. Over the years, this practice can transform ageing from a time of bitterness into one of wisdom and contentment. The goal is not perfection, but consistent intention. Small victories accumulate into profound, lasting change that touches every area of life. Conclusion: Embracing the Inner Path to Freedom At its core, the path to fulfilling relationships and authentic happiness is an inside job. By confronting our fears directly rather than projecting them outward, we dismantle the cycles of dissatisfaction that once defined us. Everyday interactions become fertile ground for genuineness and growth. The result is not a life without challenges, but one where challenges no longer control our inner state. We grow more capable of deep love, meaningful connection, and the profound peace that arises when fear no longer dominates. This liberation is available to anyone ready to engage in honest self-reflection and courageous action—one mindful choice at a time. Written and Produced by Stephen Griffin aided by Grok and Notebook If this post resonates with you, consider supporting the work with a paid subscription. Every dollar goes directly to consciousnesshub.org to help fund Tom Campbell’s projects and keep this content free and accessible for everyone. Your support makes a real difference — thank you so much. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit theplayersguide.substack.com/subscribe

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Deed dives into essays from the consciousness hub substack, based on themes within MBT; exploring insights into flourishing, rather than merely enduring, the human experience. theplayersguide.substack.com

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