The Gay Monogamy Coach.

Alan Cox
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  • Sexuality

The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast is hosted by the life coach, CBT practitioner, workshop facilitator and author Alan Cox. He supports gay men in understanding the emotional, psychological, and practical aspects of transitioning from casual dating to a committed, monogamous relationship, while fostering clarity, confidence, and alignment with authentic relationship goals. Each episode will investigate an area that surrounds monogamy and is reinforced by practical life coaching techniques. Alan can be contacted via: gaymonogamycoach@gmail.com Website: www.lifecoachingempoweringgaymen.com  

  1. Aug 31

    Have you been told that monogamy means you haven't done the work?

    Send us Fan Mail If you are a gay man who wants one committed relationship, you may have absorbed a quieter sentence: that want means you are unfinished. That non-monogamy is the healed position. That monogamy is something to grow out of. That is not a fact. It is a belief. This episode of The Gay Monogamy Coach is a cognitive audit of that belief — where it came from, what keeps it in place, and whether the evidence holds. Alan Cox works through the thought the way he would in a session: naming it precisely, taking apart social proof, mislabeling and all-or-nothing thinking, then testing it against evidence. He does not rank relationship structures. He asks whether the sentence you are speaking is yours, or one you inherited so you would not cause friction. Listening will show you the pattern. It will not change it. Insight does not rewire a belief you have been complying with for years. That happens when you put CBT on paper in the week you are actually living. Free Gay Monogamy Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/gay-monogamy-discovery-call Subscribe Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gay-monogamy-coach/id1895065373 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1fo8Ve03O4J0qnP8bhQE46 Support the show: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2377983 Questions: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com The views in this episode are Alan’s, from his work as a life coach and CBT practitioner with gay men. Other people may see relationship structure differently. This is an audit of one belief, not a ruling on how anyone else should live. Music: Light as Air by Reveille. The Gay Monogamy Coach. Presented by Alan Cox. Support the show

    Have you been told that monogamy means you haven't done the work?

  2. Aug 28

    Burnout, not chemistry. The real cost of the apps.

    Send us Fan Mail Did you know that George Arison, CEO of Grindr, revealed that more than half of gay men under 35 now say they want a long-term relationship — according to his own company's research, shared in a June 2026 interview with Bloomberg (onlinepersonalswatch.com, June 8, 2026)? Even the man running the app built for hookups is watching the next generation turn toward commitment. So why are so many older gay men — established in their careers, with everything that should make this easier — still stuck in the exact pattern the generation behind them is starting to walk away from? If you're a professional gay man in midlife, you know the shape of it already. The after-work scroll that isn't really about hope anymore, just habit. The chemistry, the hook-up, a bit of promise — then nothing. Back on the app the next night, telling yourself this time might be different. It rarely is, and the tiredness that builds underneath it isn't really about the apps. It's about spending years inside a system engineered to keep you searching, never quite arriving. In this episode, The Gay Monogamy Coach Alan Cox breaks down exactly why that cycle is so hard to leave — the reward structure that keeps you checking, the novelty that stops any one connection deepening, the nervous system vigilance that has you braced for disappointment even when something good is right in front of you. This isn't about willpower. It's a clear, CBT-grounded account of the mechanism, and what actually breaking it requires. If this sounds familiar, the companion booklet — Burnout, not chemistry — includes the full episode transcript alongside three CBT exercises built directly from this episode: a tool to catch the compulsive checking before it happens, a structured practice for staying with one person past the point where novelty wears off, and a method for decatastrophising the connection you're currently bracing against. Get it on Gumroad: https://empowerment284.gumroad.com But listening and reading only go so far. The men who actually leave this pattern behind don't do it alone — they do it with someone holding them to the work. If you're ready to stop managing the pattern and actually leave it, book a free Gay Monogamy Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/gay-monogamy-discovery-call If this show is helping you see the pattern clearly, subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and consider supporting the show directly — it helps more men find their way here. Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gay-monogamy-coach/id1895065373 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1fo8Ve03O4J0qnP8bhQE46 Support the show: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2377983 Questions: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com Support the show

    Burnout, not chemistry. The real cost of the apps.

  3. Aug 27

    Title: When your career thrives but your personal life doesn't.

    Send us Fan Mail You close the deal. You lead the room. Your LinkedIn looks like a man who has his life in hand. Then it is eleven at night and your thumb is already moving. Another year ends in the same place as the last one. Same man. Two operating systems. Only one of them is working. This episode names the mismatch without anaesthesia: the instincts that built your career — hedge, diversify, keep every door half-open — do not produce intimacy. They produce a slower, more respectable way of being alone. Activity is not change. Another first date is not a different input. Every casual loop is an exit ramp away from the life you say you want. If that sentence landed, do not just finish the audio and feel briefly understood. Get the companion bundle on Gumroad: the full transcript plus three CBT field exercises — the Optionality Audit, Business Logic vs Love Logic, and the Ninety-Second Regulation Reset. £9.99. The price is low so you actually start. The value is one closed door, one rewritten decision, and a nervous system that can stay when closeness starts to feel like threat. Bundle: https://empowerment284.gumroad.com/ Ready for the supervised version? The 90-Day Gay Monogamy Method. Confidential strategy session: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/90-day-gay-monogamy-method From September: sessions for North American and Mexican clients from 5pm GMT. Email: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gay-monogamy-coach/id1895065373 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1fo8Ve03O4J0qnP8bhQE46 I’m Alan Cox. I am the Gay Monogamy Coach. Support the show

    Title: When your career thrives but your personal life doesn't.

  4. Aug 25

    Scrapping the Apps. Episode six. – Your Off-Grid Commitment.

    Send us Fan Mail  Scrapping the Apps – Your Off-Grid Commitment.    This is the decision episode. Alan Cox walks midlife gay men through three clear paths — full pause or quit, serious rule-bound reduction, or a defined experiment — and shows exactly how to install the supports that make the decision hold under pressure. Includes accountability, environmental design, replacement activities, high-risk planning and a spoken commitment. The apps will always be one download away. Your freedom, self-respect and capacity for real connection are built one deliberate choice at a time. Book a strategy session: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/90-day-gay-monogamy-method Email: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com Music: Light as Air by Reveille. Support the show

    Scrapping the Apps. Episode six. – Your Off-Grid Commitment.

  5. Aug 25

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 5: Reclaiming Connection.

    Send us Fan Mail  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 5: Reclaiming Connection.    Skills without a system don’t last. In this key integration episode, Alan Cox helps midlife gay men turn everything from the series into a personal Dating Operating System based on ranked values, high-leverage actions and if-then plans. Whether you keep using the apps, reduce them, or leave them, this episode gives you a clear decision architecture so intentional behaviour becomes the default instead of reaction. Book a strategy session: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/90-day-gay-monogamy-method Email: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com Music: Light as Air by Reveille. Support the show

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 5: Reclaiming Connection.

  6. Aug 25

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 4: Selling the Body.

    Send us Fan Mail  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 4: Selling the Body.    Dating apps intensify appearance pressure, comparison and sexual objectification — especially for midlife gay men. In this episode Alan Cox uses cognitive restructuring to challenge the critical voice that appears when you scroll or look at your own photos. Learn how to identify thinking errors, write balanced alternative thoughts, and stop letting your self-worth rise and fall with matches and messages. Practical tools for gay men tired of feeling like a product listing. Book a strategy session: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/90-day-gay-monogamy-method Email: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com Music: Light as Air by Reveille. Support the show

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 4: Selling the Body.

  7. Aug 25

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 3: The Infinite Scroll & the Void.

    Send us Fan Mail  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 3: The Infinite Scroll & the Void.    Why do so many gay men keep checking Grindr and other apps even when it makes them feel worse? This episode explains variable-ratio reinforcement (the same psychology behind slot machines) and rejection sensitivity. CBT coach Alan Cox teaches the skill of urge surfing so you can feel the compulsion rise and fall without acting on it, then helps you reclaim your attention and fill the void with values-aligned activity instead of more scrolling. For midlife gay men ready to stop outsourcing their mood to the grid. Book a strategy session: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/90-day-gay-monogamy-method Email: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com Music: Light as Air by Reveille. Support the show

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 3: The Infinite Scroll & the Void.

  8. Aug 25

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 2: Safety First.

    Send us Fan Mail  Scrapping the Apps – Episode 2: Safety First.    Dating apps involve real physical risk — violence, robbery, catfishing and predatory behaviour. In this episode Alan Cox shows midlife gay men how to separate realistic caution from catastrophic thinking and how to build a practical personal safety protocol. Learn assertive boundary scripts for chat, how to design small behavioural safety experiments, and how to stop abandoning your standards when someone attractive pushes. Practical CBT tools for gay men who refuse to trade self-respect or safety for connection. Book a strategy session: https://calendly.com/empoweringgaymen/90-day-gay-monogamy-method Email: empoweringgaymen@gmail.com Music: Light as Air by Reveille. Support the show

    Scrapping the Apps – Episode 2: Safety First.
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About

The Gay Monogamy Coach podcast is hosted by the life coach, CBT practitioner, workshop facilitator and author Alan Cox. He supports gay men in understanding the emotional, psychological, and practical aspects of transitioning from casual dating to a committed, monogamous relationship, while fostering clarity, confidence, and alignment with authentic relationship goals. Each episode will investigate an area that surrounds monogamy and is reinforced by practical life coaching techniques. Alan can be contacted via: gaymonogamycoach@gmail.com Website: www.lifecoachingempoweringgaymen.com  

Information

  • Creator
    Alan Cox
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    139
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Gay Monogamy Coach.
  • Show Website
    The Gay Monogamy Coach.