How Dead the Mariners Are

Nigel Williamson
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Some drink, some smoke, and the Mariners are f*****g dead. Pick your poison. marinersdisgustblog.substack.com

  1. Jul 22

    The Fog of War

    “It’s segments like this, where the listener can’t see what we’re talking about, that’re gonna make us really successful.” “Think of run and bat value as the aggregate of all components of run expectancy, which encompasses the on-field results on a situation-by-situation basis. The following fields relate more to the one-on-one pitcher/hitter relationships and the isolated outcomes from that. It includes things the pitcher controls (BB%, velocity, whiffs) and the batter responds with (exit velocity, K%, bat outcomes) to create expected outcomes (the x___ stats at the top). These get compared to the reality of the overall pitching/hitting value to see if the two are moving in tandem. Hancock is a good case where he’s outperforming his underlying metrics, connoting some elemt of luck in his outcomes. Gilbert is fun. Bottom-tier barrel rate, ground ball rate, and exit velocity means when they’re hitting it, they’re hitting it hard and in the air. Hence, home runs; hence, WHIP merchant.” -Zander 3:47: Evaluating Matt Damon’s performance in “The Odyssey” 7:40: The Josh Naylor-Colt Emerson beef 13:48: Zander breaks down Josh Naylor’s deterioration by reading his Baseball Savant stats page 20:25: Trying to pronounce Andrew Benintendi’s name 24:00: Alex talks about the meals he ate on Monday 31:05: Glazing Ryan Divish 31:15: Shitting on Adam Jude 31:30: Indecipherable segment 32:00: Debriefing Caleb Ferguson’s outing from Monday 32:45: Niche reference to coed softball league “That’s exactly what Hoffman Dinger Co. thought when I came up there left-handed the other day.” Link to Baseball Savant’s player comparison tool. Song selection: “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow (feat. John Turturo, Tim Blake Nelson, Chris Thomas King),” by George Clooney Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    The Fog of War

  2. Jul 14

    Assigning Letter Grades to Each Mariner Position Group at the All-Star Break

    As Major League Baseball reaches the All-Star Break, Zander, Jack, Alex, and Nicholas sit down around the Blue Mic and offer first-half letter grades for each of the Mariners’ positions across the diamond. Mind the weird whooshing feedback. 5:45 — Starting Pitching: B “None of our pitchers is a ‘guy.’” -Nick 8:00 — Relief Pitching: C “I can’t lose sight of who I am as a baseball observer: negative and against analytics.” -Alex 10:00 — Catcher: F “That Pereda stretch was a lot of fun, though, guys. Let’s not forget about that.” -Alex 12:00 — First Base: D “He just sucks. He went from being like—just like a fun, kind of unique body shape, like fun guy, played hard—to just rolling over and sucking.” -Alex 13:15 — Second Base: A “How many kids do you think he’ll have in the 20th year of that contract?” -Jack “Probably like 7 bro. He’s a dog.” -Alex 16:37.5 — Third Base: B+ “Are we sure that Donovan’s not the guy outside of T-Mobile with the blowhorn, talking about Jesus? That guy’s got long hair and a beard too.” -Jack 14:15 — Shortstop: C “Have we seen enough from him to call him a bust?” -Nick “Yes.” -Alex 19:45 — Left Field: A “He’s about as low on the eye test as you can get.” -Zander “Honestly, Jesse Winker and him, it’s a coin flip in left field.” -Jack 21:35 — Center Field: B+ "Shiv and him have a lot in common. Similar frame. Kind eyes.” -Alex 22:50 — Right Field: N/A “He’d have to hit like .650 the rest of the year to break .200.” -Alex “Just a disgusting player.” -Nick “He is—he has been the—. He is ‘F.’” -Jack “He’s the worst batter in Dipoto history.” -Zander 25:00 — Manager: D- “Has he ever managed a baseball team at any level before this?” -Nick “He was in the Reds’ system.” -Zander 25:15 — Front Office: “I’m starting to think Dipoto’s a little limited, man.” -Jack Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    Assigning Letter Grades to Each Mariner Position Group at the All-Star Break

  3. May 20

    On Baseball and Politics

    Listen, I know how little I know about this shit. My laundry smells more like privilege than it does shit, cat piss, or spliff smoke. I mean we barely even know anything about the Mariners which is something we spend like six hours of our days obsessing over. Well, Zander knows quite a bit. We know how to complain about them, at least. But how could I possibly be expected to know about mere trifles like the war in Iran or Spirit Airlines, topics I only know about by the way they are described in New York Times headlines? Fortunately, Hayden shows up to save the day and share some of the opinions that current elected Democrats have decided are appropriate. He’s super knowledgeable about this shit, it appears, as are Zander and Alex and Jack, honestly. I think before you crucify us/me for our/my ignorance, though, please be honest with yourself. 2:00 — Shaming Marine Layer podcast listeners 5:45 — U.S.’s role in the Iran War-New York Mets analogy (Maptap-sponsored section) 6:00 — Price of gas venting 11:00 — The Italian-American Baseball Asset Relief Program 14:00 — Spirt Airlines shutdown 18:30 — Evaluating the first attempted assassination of Trump 22:00 — North Korea 26:00 — Hayden explains how single-payer healthcare works in Europe 30:00 — AIPAC 42:00 — the Jordan-Tatum GOAT debate 44:00 — John Stanton v. Bill Clinton ‘Huzz Debate’ 45:15 — Alex puts forth perhaps the worst take of the year about Kirby (this was recorded on May 14) 46:30 — Luis Castillo: Hemorrhoid or polyp My grandpa died of colon cancer and I have hemorrhoids so it’s appropriate for me to talk about that. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

  4. May 13

    Going Absolutely in on the Big Dumper

    I didn’t even deign to edit this one because it was so bad. But I think it’s hilariously bad enough to post anyway. Plus we’re desperate to get content out. Stay tuned while we figure out how to use the microphone I bought from Eli at Guitar Center. Shout out Eli, by the way. Great guy. Need to go see his movie soon. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    Going Absolutely in on the Big Dumper

  5. Apr 16

    The Wastoid Collection

    This is not a podcast you should listen to if… * You have anything to do OR * You are affiliated with me professionally in any remote understanding of the word * AND you care about professionalism OR C. You hate The Wall. Please leave in the comments if you think I/we should change our name(s) on here so they don’t reflect who we are professionally. I’m thinking some sort of pseduonym (i.e., Nigel Williamson???). Also, mailbag: jackweigand33@gmail.com. Drop some comments about whether or not you think Nick should get ***********. Thanks for reading this horseshit and potentially even listening to it! This post is public, so feel free to share it. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    The Wastoid Collection

  6. Mar 31

    Mariners 2026 Preseason Awards Show

    The Dylan Moore Award for Shittiest Infielder: Cole Young The Jesse Winker/Taylor Trammell Award for Worst Outfielder: Luke Raley The Luis Castillo Award for Most Hated Starting Pitcher: Bryce Miller The Matt Festa Award for Least Trustworthy Reliever: Carlos Vargas The Jesse Winker Award for Most Disappointing Acquisition: Rob Refsnyder The JP Crawford Award for Shittiest Every Day Starting Position Player: Leo Rivas The Teoscar Hernandez Award for Best Former Mariner Player on a Different Team: Eugenio Suarez The Cal Raleigh Award for Least S****y hitter: Brendan Donovan The Felix Hernandez Award for Not Yet S****y Pitcher: Brian Woo The Jesse Winker Award for Shittiest Defender: Randy Arozarena The John Stanton Award for Most Deceitful MLB Owner: John Stanton Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    Mariners 2026 Preseason Awards Show

  7. Mar 18

    2026 Season Preview

    “This isn’t a place for people to get reliable news, right? You know, that’s not this platform. That’s why they have other platforms — is for that kind of thing.” “You’re reading a bedtime story, and you have the paper behind your kid’s head, and you’re rolling while you’re reading. I wonder if my dad ever did that — how cool would that be?” “I’m sure a lot of our listeners are hitting that [Pagliaci] Wednesday BOGO discount.” “I was at a game where [Carlos Vargas] was in the bullpen, and we were walking past him in the stadium, and he was talking to Honeys.” Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    2026 Season Preview

  8. 12/17/2025

    Fanfiction

    This podcast was recorded on Friday, December 12, approximately 18 hours before Jorge Polanco signed with the Mets. You can see the results of our discussion on the whiteboard pictured above, or you can save 40 minutes and look at it below. For posterity’s sake, we’ll keep Jorge Polanco in there. * Steven Kwan LF (Traded in the offseason for OF Lazaro Montes) * Ketel Marte 2B (Traded in the offseason for SS Colt Emerson, 2B Cole Young) * Cal Raleigh C * Julio Rodriguez CF * Josh Naylor 1B * Haruki Murakami 3B (Signed in the offseason for 5 years, $100 million) * Jorge Polanco DH (Signed in the offseason for 4 years, $56 million) * Randy Arozarena RF * JP Crawford SS Brian Woo SP Keep in mind, this is a fantasy world Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    Fanfiction
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About

Some drink, some smoke, and the Mariners are f*****g dead. Pick your poison. marinersdisgustblog.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Nigel Williamson
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    22
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Nicholas Mendro
  • Show Website
    How Dead the Mariners Are