How Dead the Mariners Are

Nigel Williamson
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  • Baseball
  • Updated Semiweekly

Some drink, some smoke, and the Mariners are f*****g dead. Pick your poison. marinersdisgustblog.substack.com

  1. May 20

    On Baseball and Politics

    Listen, I know how little I know about this shit. My laundry smells more like privilege than it does shit, cat piss, or spliff smoke. I mean we barely even know anything about the Mariners which is something we spend like six hours of our days obsessing over. Well, Zander knows quite a bit. We know how to complain about them, at least. But how could I possibly be expected to know about mere trifles like the war in Iran or Spirit Airlines, topics I only know about by the way they are described in New York Times headlines? Fortunately, Hayden shows up to save the day and share some of the opinions that current elected Democrats have decided are appropriate. He’s super knowledgeable about this shit, it appears, as are Zander and Alex and Jack, honestly. I think before you crucify us/me for our/my ignorance, though, please be honest with yourself. 2:00 — Shaming Marine Layer podcast listeners 5:45 — U.S.’s role in the Iran War-New York Mets analogy (Maptap-sponsored section) 6:00 — Price of gas venting 11:00 — The Italian-American Baseball Asset Relief Program 14:00 — Spirt Airlines shutdown 18:30 — Evaluating the first attempted assassination of Trump 22:00 — North Korea 26:00 — Hayden explains how single-payer healthcare works in Europe 30:00 — AIPAC 42:00 — the Jordan-Tatum GOAT debate 44:00 — John Stanton v. Bill Clinton ‘Huzz Debate’ 45:15 — Alex puts forth perhaps the worst take of the year about Kirby (this was recorded on May 14) 46:30 — Luis Castillo: Hemorrhoid or polyp My grandpa died of colon cancer and I have hemorrhoids so it’s appropriate for me to talk about that. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    49 min
  2. Going Absolutely in on the Big Dumper

    May 13

    Going Absolutely in on the Big Dumper

    I didn’t even deign to edit this one because it was so bad. But I think it’s hilariously bad enough to post anyway. Plus we’re desperate to get content out. Stay tuned while we figure out how to use the microphone I bought from Eli at Guitar Center. Shout out Eli, by the way. Great guy. Need to go see his movie soon. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    41 min
  3. The Wastoid Collection

    Apr 16

    The Wastoid Collection

    This is not a podcast you should listen to if… * You have anything to do OR * You are affiliated with me professionally in any remote understanding of the word * AND you care about professionalism OR C. You hate The Wall. Please leave in the comments if you think I/we should change our name(s) on here so they don’t reflect who we are professionally. I’m thinking some sort of pseduonym (i.e., Nigel Williamson???). Also, mailbag: jackweigand33@gmail.com. Drop some comments about whether or not you think Nick should get ***********. Thanks for reading this horseshit and potentially even listening to it! This post is public, so feel free to share it. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    32 min
  4. Mariners 2026 Preseason Awards Show

    Mar 31

    Mariners 2026 Preseason Awards Show

    The Dylan Moore Award for Shittiest Infielder: Cole Young The Jesse Winker/Taylor Trammell Award for Worst Outfielder: Luke Raley The Luis Castillo Award for Most Hated Starting Pitcher: Bryce Miller The Matt Festa Award for Least Trustworthy Reliever: Carlos Vargas The Jesse Winker Award for Most Disappointing Acquisition: Rob Refsnyder The JP Crawford Award for Shittiest Every Day Starting Position Player: Leo Rivas The Teoscar Hernandez Award for Best Former Mariner Player on a Different Team: Eugenio Suarez The Cal Raleigh Award for Least S****y hitter: Brendan Donovan The Felix Hernandez Award for Not Yet S****y Pitcher: Brian Woo The Jesse Winker Award for Shittiest Defender: Randy Arozarena The John Stanton Award for Most Deceitful MLB Owner: John Stanton Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    49 min
  5. 2026 Season Preview

    Mar 18

    2026 Season Preview

    “This isn’t a place for people to get reliable news, right? You know, that’s not this platform. That’s why they have other platforms — is for that kind of thing.” “You’re reading a bedtime story, and you have the paper behind your kid’s head, and you’re rolling while you’re reading. I wonder if my dad ever did that — how cool would that be?” “I’m sure a lot of our listeners are hitting that [Pagliaci] Wednesday BOGO discount.” “I was at a game where [Carlos Vargas] was in the bullpen, and we were walking past him in the stadium, and he was talking to Honeys.” Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 1m
  6. Fanfiction

    12/17/2025

    Fanfiction

    This podcast was recorded on Friday, December 12, approximately 18 hours before Jorge Polanco signed with the Mets. You can see the results of our discussion on the whiteboard pictured above, or you can save 40 minutes and look at it below. For posterity’s sake, we’ll keep Jorge Polanco in there. * Steven Kwan LF (Traded in the offseason for OF Lazaro Montes) * Ketel Marte 2B (Traded in the offseason for SS Colt Emerson, 2B Cole Young) * Cal Raleigh C * Julio Rodriguez CF * Josh Naylor 1B * Haruki Murakami 3B (Signed in the offseason for 5 years, $100 million) * Jorge Polanco DH (Signed in the offseason for 4 years, $56 million) * Randy Arozarena RF * JP Crawford SS Brian Woo SP Keep in mind, this is a fantasy world Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    39 min
  7. John Stanton Placates Fans by Re-Signing Josh Naylor

    11/18/2025

    John Stanton Placates Fans by Re-Signing Josh Naylor

    Was it the no-trade clause? Was it Vue Lounge? Or was it the elite assortment of private school options in the greater Seattle area? The guys sit down and get to the bottom of just what, exactly, a ‘no-trade clause’ even means. M.A.D. Unlimited is not really worth your time. To support this work and have your email inundated with meaningless, pick-me articles, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    15 min
  8. 2025 Season Recap Part 2: Offseason Preview

    11/07/2025

    2025 Season Recap Part 2: Offseason Preview

    At the end of the day, John Stanton will continue to profit off his players and refrain from paying them as much as he can afford because he makes more money that way, and he knows that, deep down, as much as fans may gripe and be upset about that, he will continue to get away with it because fans won’t do anything tangible to try to make him change his strategy because, at the end of the day, they’re all rational actors just like he is, and they understand that nothing is actually at stake, so it’s not worth their time to put any effort into changing things because the success of a baseball team is inherently meaningless. And baseball games will still be fun to go to. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe

    59 min
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About

Some drink, some smoke, and the Mariners are f*****g dead. Pick your poison. marinersdisgustblog.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Nigel Williamson
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    20
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Nicholas Mendro
  • Show Website
    How Dead the Mariners Are