Episode 19 | Iraq War Veteran Joseph Soel on Combat Trauma, Survivor’s Guilt, Faith & Finding Personal Freedom The Personal Freedom Podcast with Mac Dohm What happens when you survive a war, return home, and discover that some of the hardest battles are still ahead? For Iraq War veteran Joseph Soel, the experiences of combat didn’t simply disappear when he returned to civilian life. In this deeply personal episode of The Personal Freedom Podcast, I sit down with Joseph Soel, a decorated U.S. Army veteran, author, pastor, former hospital chaplain, and Freemason, to explore the hidden costs of war, the complicated nature of memory, survivor’s guilt, spirituality, and the lifelong pursuit of personal freedom. Joseph served eight years in the United States Army, including a deployment to Iraq in 2008. During that deployment, Joseph experienced a rocket attack at Contingency Operating Base Adder, where his actions would eventually earn him the Combat Action Badge. But there’s something remarkable about his story. Joseph cannot remember some of the very actions for which he was recognized. His experiences would eventually become part of his book, The Broken Mirror of Memory: Iraq and Other Tales, which explores military service, traumatic memories, grief, and the lasting psychological and emotional consequences of war. Throughout our conversation, Joseph speaks candidly about alcohol, survivor’s guilt, moral injury, and his efforts to understand experiences that continue to shape his life. We also explore difficult questions about the morality of warfare, political leadership, faith, theology, Freemasonry, psychedelic experiences, and the role that human connection plays in finding meaning amid suffering. This isn’t simply a conversation about the Iraq War. It’s about what happens afterward. And what it means to pursue personal freedom when the past continues to follow you. In Memoriam: Red River 44 September 17, 2008 Before our conversation begins, I wanted to take a moment to honor seven American soldiers who lost their lives when their CH-47 Chinook helicopter crashed in Iraq. Their mission was known as Red River 44. During our conversation, Joseph shares his reflections on their deaths, the families they left behind, and the importance of remembering those whose lives were lost in service. This episode is dedicated to: * Chief Warrant Officer 3 Brady J. Rudolf * Chief Warrant Officer 2 Corry A. Edwards * Sergeant Major Julio C. Ordonez * Captain Robert Vallejo II * Staff Sergeant Anthony L. Mason * Corporal Michael E. Thompson * Sergeant Daniel M. Eshbaugh Seven men. Seven lives. Seven families forever changed. Their sacrifice deserves to be remembered, not merely as names in history, but as human beings whose absence is still felt by those who loved them. To their families, friends, and fellow service members, this episode is dedicated to their memory. May they never be forgotten. What We Explore in This Conversation * The reality of the Iraq War: Joseph’s firsthand experiences serving in Iraq and the events that shaped his understanding of military service. * Combat trauma and memory: The rocket attack that earned Joseph his Combat Action Badge and the troubling gaps in his memory surrounding the event. * Survivor’s guilt and moral injury: The emotional weight of surviving war and remembering those who didn’t return home. * Alcohol and coping with grief: Joseph’s candid reflections on drinking, loss, and his ongoing struggles. * The human cost of war: Questions surrounding military intervention, civilian casualties, political accountability, and the consequences of armed conflict. * Faith, theology, and spirituality: Joseph’s exploration of Christianity, God, religious traditions, and the search for spiritual understanding. * Freemasonry and community: His experiences with Freemasonry and his perspective on fraternity, morality, and personal responsibility. * Lessons from hospital chaplaincy: How experiences with suffering, mortality, and human connection shaped his outlook on life. * The pursuit of personal freedom: Finding purpose, connection, and meaning while learning to live with difficult experiences. A Moment That Stayed With Me During our conversation, Joseph said something I haven’t stopped thinking about: “You can’t drink the dead back to life because goddamn it, I’ve tried.” It’s a painful admission. And one that captures something important about this conversation. Grief isn’t always something we can neatly resolve. Trauma doesn’t necessarily disappear with time. And freedom doesn’t always mean escaping the difficult things we’ve experienced. Sometimes it means learning how to live with them without allowing them to consume the life we still have. Joseph’s willingness to share his experiences, including the struggles that remain unresolved, is an important part of this conversation. About Joseph Soel Joseph Soel is a decorated U.S. Army combat veteran, author, pastor, and veterans advocate who served eight years in the military, including deployment to Iraq in 2008. His military honors include the Combat Action Badge, Army Commendation Medal, and a Certificate of Special Congressional Recognition. Joseph is the author of The Broken Mirror of Memory: Iraq and Other Tales, a deeply personal account exploring combat, traumatic memories, grief, and the lasting consequences of war. With a background in philosophy, theology, hospital chaplaincy, and Freemasonry, Joseph brings a unique perspective to conversations about faith, suffering, morality, and the pursuit of personal freedom. Learn more: jsoel.com Find Joseph Soel Book: The Broken Mirror of Memory: Iraq and Other Tales * Purchase the book: The Broken Mirror of Memory: Iraq and Other Tales * Joseph’s website: https://jsoel.com/ * Twitter (X): https://x.com/JoeSoel2 * Appearances on Coast to Coast: https://www.coasttocoastam.com/guest/joseph-soel/ About The Personal Freedom Podcast What does it actually mean to live free? That’s the question at the heart of The Personal Freedom Podcast. I’m Mac Dohm, and after navigating a difficult divorce, I made the decision to pursue a different kind of life. I bought an RV, packed up my belongings, and hit the road with my two dogs, Bo and Viggo. What began as a new chapter gradually became a deeper exploration of personal freedom. Through conversations with veterans, adventurers, entrepreneurs, authors, counselors, and everyday people pursuing extraordinary lives, this podcast explores what happens when we challenge expectations, confront adversity, and intentionally choose how we want to live. We talk about faith, purpose, relationships, recovery, adventure, meaningful work, and the courage to pursue something beyond the conventional path. Because personal freedom isn’t simply about doing whatever you want. It’s about building a life worth living. Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free. RV Life_Digital Nomad _Fisherman that is trying to be a better Hunter_Lover of poems and songs_An enjoyable drinker, eater, and breather_A man who is rebuilding something greaterThere are rainbows in the storms. Signing Off,The Personal Freedom Podcast, Mac Dohm Read, Watch, Listen & Connect * Watch on YouTube * Read, Watch & Listen on Substack * Listen on Apple * Listen on Spotify * Contact / Guest Inquiries: contact@personalfreedompodcast.info Subscribe to The Personal Freedom Podcast for new conversations about personal freedom, resilience, purpose, and intentional living. Support The Personal Freedom Podcast One of my goals with this podcast is to create a platform where people can share their stories, perspectives, experiences, and lessons with others. If you enjoy these conversations and want to support the show, consider exploring the affiliate partners below. 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