The Messy Recovery Podcast

Abbie Haller
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  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Recovery isn't just eating more food. It's grieving who you were, questioning who you're becoming, and trying to trust a body that feels unfamiliar. It's waking up some mornings and feeling like a stranger in your own skin. It's learning how to keep going even when your reflection doesn't match the image you still carry in your mind. This podcast is an honest look at eating disorder recovery, body image struggles, extreme hunger, weight restoration, mental health, and everything that happens in the long middle phase that nobody prepares you for.

  1. 2d ago

    Recovering When Everyone Is Shrinking

    Recovering from an eating disorder while everyone around you is dieting, losing weight, counting calories, taking weight-loss medications, and celebrating getting smaller is f*****g hard. It’s hard watching other people shrink while your body is changing in the opposite direction. It’s hard not to compare. It’s hard when a part of you feels jealous, even though you know you don’t actually want your eating disorder back. And it’s hard constantly questioning whether you’re really doing the right thing. This episode is about the jealousy, comparison, grief, fear, anger, and loneliness that can come with recovering in a world that constantly tells us that smaller is better. Because sometimes the hardest part of recovery isn’t choosing recovery. It’s choosing recovery while everyone else is choosing to shrink.

  2. Aug 12

    I miss my sick body….now what?

    I know my eating disorder was hurting me. I know I wasn’t healthy. I know recovery was necessary. And yet… sometimes I still miss the body I had when I was sick. I miss how small I felt. I miss recognizing myself in pictures. I miss clothes fitting the way they used to. And sometimes I feel guilty for even admitting that. This episode is about the part of recovery that doesn’t get talked about enough: grieving your ED body while knowing you can never go back to it. Because missing the way your body looked doesn’t mean you miss the disorder. It doesn’t mean you want to be sick again. And it doesn’t mean you’re failing at recovery. Sometimes you can be incredibly grateful that you chose recovery and still be heartbroken over what you lost along the way.

  3. Aug 4

    What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before Going All In

    Starting all-in recovery was the best decision I’ve ever made, but it was also so much harder than I expected. In this episode, I’m sharing everything I wish someone had told me before I started. From the physical changes and emotional roller coaster to learning how to trust a body that feels completely unfamiliar, this is the conversation I needed when I was terrified to let go of control. If you’re thinking about going all in, just starting recovery, or you’re deep in the messy middle wondering if you’re doing something wrong, this episode is for you. You’re not failing. Recovery is hard because healing is hard. And you don’t have to go through it feeling alone.

  4. Jul 28

    Recovery Doesn’t End When You Start Eating Again: The Healing Nobody Talks About

    Everyone talks about the moment you finally start eating again, but almost no one talks about what comes after. In this episode, we’re diving into the phase of recovery that can feel the most confusing—the months after nutrition has improved, when you expected to feel better, but your body and mind are still healing. We’ll explore why recovery doesn’t end with eating more, how the nervous system slowly learns that it’s safe again, why hormones and digestion take time to regulate, what ongoing physical changes can look like, and why emotional healing often lags behind physical recovery.

  5. Jul 21

    When Healthy Eating Becomes Unhealthy

    We’re constantly told to eat “clean,” hit our protein goals, avoid processed foods, and optimize our health. But what happens when healthy habits slowly turn into an obsession? In this episode, I share my personal experience with how the pursuit of health gradually became anything but healthy. We talk about the rise of wellness culture, the unrealistic standards social media promotes, and how algorithms can normalize food rules, body obsession, and disordered behaviors without us even realizing it. If you’ve ever felt guilty for eating a cookie, believed you had to earn your food, or found yourself comparing your plate to someone else’s on Instagram or TikTok, this conversation is for you.

  6. Jul 15

    How Noom Became The Beginning Of My Eating Disorder

    I downloaded Noom because I wanted to become healthier. I wanted to feel better, have more energy, and finally feel confident in my body. I never thought I was starting a cycle that would eventually take me years to undo. This episode is not about blaming one program or one decision. It’s about looking back at the small moments where “being healthy” slowly turned into restriction, obsession, and losing trust with my own body. I didn’t wake up one day with an eating disorder. It happened little by little — through things that were praised, encouraged, and even celebrated. This is my Noom story.

  7. Jul 7

    Why I chose to recover without medical supervision

    I wanted to make this episode because I’ve gotten asked this question a lot. Why did I recover without medical supervision? The truth is, it wasn’t because I thought I knew better or because I think everyone should do the same. It was just the decision I made, and I wanted to share why. I talk about what was going through my head, the fears I had, and what it was actually like trying to recover when I didn’t have someone telling me what was normal. There were so many moments where I thought I was doing everything wrong, but I kept going anyway. This isn’t me telling anyone how they should recover. It’s just my experience, and maybe if you’ve ever felt scared, confused, or really alone in recovery, you’ll feel a little less alone after listening.

  8. Jun 30

    The Science Behind Eating Disorders & Recovery

    What actually happens to your body and brain during an eating disorder? Why does food become an obsession? Why does recovery take so much longer than most people expect? In this episode, I’m breaking down the science behind eating disorders and recovery in a way that’s easy to understand. We’ll talk about how starvation changes the brain, why your body adapts the way it does, what happens to your hormones, metabolism, heart, and bones, and why recovery is about so much more than gaining weight. Whether you’re struggling yourself, supporting someone you love, or simply want to better understand eating disorders, this episode separates myths from facts and explains the biology behind what so many people experience. My hope is that you’ll leave with a better understanding of why recovery is so hard, and why your body has never been working against you. It’s been trying to keep you alive all along.

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About

Recovery isn't just eating more food. It's grieving who you were, questioning who you're becoming, and trying to trust a body that feels unfamiliar. It's waking up some mornings and feeling like a stranger in your own skin. It's learning how to keep going even when your reflection doesn't match the image you still carry in your mind. This podcast is an honest look at eating disorder recovery, body image struggles, extreme hunger, weight restoration, mental health, and everything that happens in the long middle phase that nobody prepares you for.

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