The Forge Men Podcast

The Forge

Forging stronger men through biblical truth, practical challenge, and real talk about the battles men face every day. theforgemen.substack.com

  1. 17h ago

    Walk by the Spirit

    Last week we talked about the trap of sin management. So many of us have been taught, without anyone ever really saying it, that the goal of the Christian life is to sin less. We pour everything we have into fighting AGAINST sin, and when we fall, we come to God like a man on probation, hoping He’ll let us back in the house one more time. I ended that post with the verse I believe is the key to this whole conversation: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16 And I promised that this week we would get practical. It’s one thing to say “walk by the Spirit.” It’s another thing to actually know what that looks like on a Tuesday morning when you overslept, the kids are melting down, and you’ve got a full day in front of you. A few verses later, Paul puts it like this: “If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:25 If you are in Christ, you already have the Spirit living in you. That part is done. The question is whether you are keeping in step with Him. So how do we do that? I want to walk through what I believe are the keystones: the Word, prayer, and walking with other men in the body of Christ. And then I want to talk about what to do when you fall. A PATTERN, NOT A CHECKBOX The two major keystones of walking by the Spirit are God’s Word and prayer. His Word is how He speaks to us, and prayer is how we speak back to Him. As we soak in His Word, the Holy Spirit brings it back to our remembrance throughout the day and helps us make decisions we never would have made thinking in the flesh. Now, here’s where a lot of us men get tripped up. We hear “read your Bible and pray every day,” and it becomes one more box to check. And if we miss a day, guess what happens? We feel like we’ve failed God, and we’re right back in that probation mindset from last week. That’s legalism, and it’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is building a pattern of life where you are running to God’s Word consistently. Is it going to be perfect every single day? No. You’re going to oversleep. The kids are going to wake you up early. Life is going to happen and throw your morning off. But a man who has been putting God’s Word into his heart and mind over the course of his life isn’t crippled on those days. He leans on the Word he has already digested. God’s Word is our daily bread, and that matters. But we don’t live in shame on the days it doesn’t happen the way we wanted it to. Prayer works the same way. A lot of guys think they need to spend 30 minutes on their knees for their prayer life to count. Now, I’m all for spending extended time in prayer. The world takes its shots at my heart every day, and I need time positioning my heart under God in His presence. But time in prayer doesn’t automatically equal effectiveness in prayer. God can do more with a heart that is completely surrendered to Him than with a mouth that says a lot of words. That’s why Paul tells us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). That doesn’t mean you hide in your prayer closet 24 hours a day. It means you live in ongoing communion with God. You’re thinking about Him, meditating on His Word, and talking to Him throughout your day. Here’s what that looks like practically. When something hurts or gets hard, where do you go first? For a lot of us, it’s a coworker we can vent to, or it’s the phone and whatever we can scroll through to numb ourselves. Walking by the Spirit means you go to God first. “God, that hurt. God, this is hard. I need You in this moment. Would You restore me? Would You cleanse my mind and my heart from the things that have come against me?” That’s the difference we talked about last week. A man who feels like he’s on probation avoids God, but a son runs to Him first. WHEN TEMPTATION HITS It’s easy to picture the fight against temptation like a quick-draw contest. Temptation shows up, and you have to scramble to pull out the right Bible verse in time. And when you can’t think of one, you lose. That’s not really how it works. When you have been soaking in God’s Word consistently, it starts to shape the way you think. The goal isn’t necessarily to be able to just regurgitate Scripture on command. The goal is for Scripture to shape your heart and mind so deeply that you are living it out, not just trying to recall it. The psalmist said it this way: “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11 Look at Jesus in the wilderness. When Satan tempted Him three times, He answered every single time with Scripture: “It is written...” (Matthew 4:1-11). He didn’t have to even think about it because it was already in Him. The truth is temptation doesn’t necessarily get easier to resist. What changes is that you have a much greater arsenal at your disposal, and your soul has been strengthened by time in God’s Word and in His presence. And most of the time, you won’t even notice it happening. I tried to think of one big moment where I could point to this in my own life and say, “That’s the moment.” I couldn’t, and I think that proves the point. Sometimes God changes our thinking overnight. But many times, growing in wisdom is gradual. You just find yourself making different decisions than you used to. The pattern of your life starts to shift. And one day you look up and go, “Wow!” If you’re wise, you won’t say, “Look how wise I’ve become.” You’ll say, “God, You have been so faithful to me.” And you’ll find a deeper hunger for His Word than you had before. KEEPING IN STEP TOGETHER Here’s a piece of walking by the Spirit that I don’t think we talk about enough. You cannot keep in step with the Spirit on your own. I see a lot of men who will read their Bible and pray, but nobody really knows them. So let me ask you a few questions. Does anyone in your church community actually know you? Are you really opening yourself up to correction? Are you walking in true brotherhood? “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 The Spirit doesn’t just shape us in our quiet time. He uses the brothers around us to encourage us, call us higher, and tell us the truth when we can’t see it ourselves. So be honest with yourself. Are you actually being sharpened, or are you comfortable being dull in your faith? WHEN YOU FALL So what do you do when you fall? Because if we’re honest, we all do. Here’s something that might surprise you. Even the fact that you feel the weight of your sin and want to repent is a work of the Spirit. A heart that grieves over sin is a heart that has been softened, and a conscience that hasn’t been seared. The sin itself isn’t walking by the Spirit. But coming back to God in repentance is. The question is HOW you come back. Last week I described the prayer most of us pray after we fall: “God, I messed up again...I hope You’ll forgive me.” We come with our tail tucked between our legs, wondering if this is the time He finally gives up on us. But a son prays differently. He confesses honestly, because “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). And then he stands in the victory Jesus already won. He prays God’s Word back to Him and reminds himself who he is in Christ. Here’s an example of what that can sound like. Don’t treat it like a magic formula. Make it your own: Father, I confess my sin to You. I have sinned against You, and I ask You to forgive me. Thank You that Jesus already paid for this sin and that there is no condemnation for me in Christ Jesus. Lord, that is not who I am. I am not a slave to sin. I am Your son. I am not an orphan or a cast-off, because You have adopted me into Your family. I am more than a conqueror through Christ who loves me, and I was created for good works. I come into alignment with reality: You are King of kings and Lord of lords, and I need You. I surrender my will and my whole self to You. Holy Spirit, empower me to walk … Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

  2. Oct 23

    The Trap of Sin Management

    This past Tuesday night at our weekly men’s gathering, I challenged the men with something that I want to expound upon here on The Forge. I asked the men in the room a simple question: “What are the marks of a good Christian man?” Maybe right now, take a minute and think about that question for yourself. There may be some “he is” type answers but many of us tend to think about what he doesn’t do. Maybe something like these: He doesn’t look at porn. He doesn’t get drunk. He doesn’t cheat on his wife. He doesn’t lose his temper with his kids. He doesn’t cuss (at least not around the pastor). Of course those are all good things to refrain from, but I think that tells us a lot about how we’ve been taught to follow Jesus. Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that the ultimate goal of the Christian life is to sin less. If we can keep the scoreboard clean, we figure we’re doing alright with God. I haven’t been able to shake this since Tuesday, and I’m convinced that the trap of sin management is too small of a goal for a man of God. If you were in the room on Tuesday, you got the short version. This is the longer one, and there’s a part two coming next week with some more concrete next steps. LOSING THE SAME FIGHT Like many men, there was a season of my life where I struggled to defeat certain sins. For me it was the battle with lust and pornography, and I felt like I was losing that battle over and over again. See if this sounds familiar: I would try hard to white-knuckle it and say no, then I would get tempted in a weak moment and fall, feel terrible about it, and promise God it would never happen again, then go right back to white-knuckling it and put more content filters in place, invite more accountability, etc. It was sincere. Then a few weeks or months later I would be right back in the same place, feeling even worse than before. And every time I fell, the enemy was right there to tell me what my failure said about me. “This is who you are. You’re never going to get past this.” That shame I lived under never helped me get free. All it did was keep my eyes locked on my sin. I see this a lot in the men I walk with. They are so focused on what they’re trying NOT to do that they can’t see anything else, and they keep drifting right back toward the very thing they hate. THE FIGHT IS REAL Now, I want to be clear. I am not telling you to go easy on sin. Scripture doesn’t, and neither should we. Paul says it plainly in Galatians: “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Galatians 5:24 The Puritan John Owen put it this way: “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” A while back I wrote about fleeing temptation, and I stand by every word of it. Delete the app. Change the route. Cut off the relationship. There is a war going on inside every one of us, and if you’ve followed Jesus for any length of time, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Paul knew it too. In Romans 7 he gets painfully honest about doing the very things he hates and not doing the good he wants to do. You can almost hear the frustration as he cries out: “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” Romans 7:24 Have you ever felt that? I know I have. But Paul doesn’t stay there. In the very next breath he says, “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” And just a few verses later he writes one of the most freeing statements in all of Scripture: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 Notice Paul says NOW. If you are in Christ, there is no waiting period before the condemnation is lifted. It’s gone today. THE TRAP Here’s something I see in a lot of the men I have the privilege of walking with, and I have lived it myself. We are saved by grace, and we know we didn’t earn it. But somewhere along the way we slid right back into a works-based relationship with God. Without even realizing it, we start measuring whether we’re okay with Him by how well we did against sin this week. Let me say this as clearly as I possibly can: That is completely antithetical to the true gospel of Jesus. There is nothing you can do to earn God’s favor. Jesus already paid for the very sin you’re still beating yourself up over. Satan knows that. If he couldn’t keep you from getting saved, he will do everything he can to keep you ashamed. He wants you living like God strapped an ankle monitor on you when He unlocked your prison cell, as if you’re out on probation and one more failure could cost you your place in His family. A man who believes that is going to avoid God right when he needs Him most. And when he finally does come to Him in prayer, he comes with his tail tucked between his legs. “God, I messed up again...I hope You’ll forgive me.” Don’t we all do this sometimes? We pour a LOT of time and energy into fighting AGAINST sin and very little into fighting FOR the calling God has placed on our lives, for our families, and for becoming the man He designed us to be. Yes we need to repent of sin, but we don’t need to wallow in shame because of it! WALK BY THE SPIRIT If I had to boil this whole post down to one verse, it would be this one: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16 Look closely at the order of that verse. Walking by the Spirit comes first, and victory over the flesh follows. Most of us try to run that verse backwards. We put everything we’ve got into not gratifying the flesh in hopes it proves we are walking by the Spirit. The problem with that mindset is we forsake the very power the Spirit of God is giving us to do it. In the Greek, Paul uses a pretty strong term. It reads more like, “you will by no means gratify the desires of the flesh.” What a promise! For me, freedom didn’t come in one big moment. Sometimes God breaks shame off a man in an instant, and I’ve seen Him do that. Other times it takes a season of God renewing your mind and you reminding yourself, day after day, who you are in Christ. That was my story. And somewhere in that season, it finally clicked. I wasn’t trying to choose differently so I could become free. I had already been set free in Christ Jesus, and I needed to start living in that reality. The fight didn’t disappear, but I stopped white-knuckling it on my own willpower and started fighting from His power and strength. God gave me the power to say YES to the Spirit…not just NO to my flesh. You don’t sin less by going it alone in your own strength, you focus on becoming the man God designed you to be! You walk by the Spirit daily and over time, you know what happens? You sin less! You serve more. You lead with strength. You love sacrificially. You lay down your life willingly. You become the godly man that you were always designed to be. God delights in giving you supernatural strength to overcome. Paul learned this firsthand when he begged God to take away his thorn in the flesh. Jesus answered him: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 Some people read that verse like God needs our weakness to make His power perfect. I don’t think that’s what it means. His power is already perfect, and our weakness is where it gets put on display for everyone to see. WHO AM I BECOMING? “Who am I?” is a good question. But I think “Who am I becoming?” is a better one. What Satan tries to do with our shortcomings is convince us that they are who we are. Paul tells a very different story in Ephesians 2. He reminds us what God did for us while we were still dead in our sin: “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ... and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:4-6 Did you catch that? God has already seated us with Christ. Because of His great love and mercy, you have a new name and a place in His family. He has adopted you as His son, and when you live out of that reality, it shapes who you are becoming. And God didn’t save you just to keep you out of trouble. A few verses later Paul tells us what we were made for: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10 We were created for good works, not just to avoid sinful ones. We still run from sin, because sin doesn’t glorify God. And we pursue the calling He has placed on our lives, because becoming the man He designed us to be does glorify Him. All of it is an outflow of our relationship with Him. We aren’t trying to get our relationship with God to a certain place. Jesus already brought us there. So let me ask you a question: Where are you settling for sin management when God made you for so much more? THIS WEEK Next week we’re going to get practical about what it actually means to “walk by the Spirit.” But I don’t want to leave you empty-handed this week. Spend time meditating on these passages. Take one every couple of days and don’t just skim them. Read the verses around them, pray them back to God, and ask Him to plant them deep in your heart so that when temptation shows up, His Word is what comes to mind. * Romans 7:21-8:2 * Galatians 5:16-25 * Ephesians 2:4-10 * 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 And when you fall this week, don’t come to God with your tail tucked between your legs. Confess it honestly, receive His forgiveness, and thank Him for what is true about you. You are His son, your sin has already been paid for, and His power is made perfect in your weakness. Next week we’ll dig into how to pray and fight as a son instead of a man on probation. Because when God set you free, He didn’t put an ankle monitor

  3. Oct 16

    Upstream

    When I was growing up, one of my friends had a creek that was close to his house. On hot summer days, we would make the short walk down the dirt road to a small bridge that crossed the creek. It was barely deep enough to submerge yourself, but we would spend hours jumping off the bridge and dodging submerged branches. His little brother would tag along sometimes as well. On one particular day we were doing our normal thing, jumping off the bridge and having a good time when we suddenly noticed something. His little brother was pooping in the creek about 20 feet away from us…upstream! We screamed like little girls and jumped out of the creek as fast as we could before his brother’s business floated by. Even though we could have waited a minute and the water would have passed by, we called it quits because we felt the water was now irreversibly contaminated. Why I am sharing this? Because even 12 year old boys know that if there is contamination upstream, everyone downstream feels the effects of it. The same is true about your life. When it comes to leadership and authority, you are upstream. Now this isn’t about positioning ourselves above those we lead, but the position you and I have been placed in comes with greater responsibility to tend to the river that is flowing out of our lives. Scripture talks about the River of Life that flows from God’s presence. Made in his image and given the mandate of dominion, your life as well is truly a river. The question we have to ask is: What are people downstream receiving from me? We can be men who pass on contamination and pollution, or we can be men who lead strong and filter the water flowing from us so it is a river of blessing and not brokenness. What you will not confront in your own life will flow downstream to those you lead. HEAD AND SHOULDERS One such man that would not confront his own inadequacies was King Saul. When the people of Israel asked God for a king, He anointed Saul. Saul looked like a king. He stood head and shoulders above everyone in Israel (1 Samuel 9:2). If any man was built to lead a nation, to instill confidence in his army, to face a giant, it was him. But there was someone that completely exposed Saul’s insecurities. And that someone was named Goliath. When the Philistines and Israelites met for battle, instead of involving everyone, the Philistines sent out their champion to fight Israel’s most valiant man. For forty days Goliath called out Israel’s army morning and evening. Look at what happened to Saul: “When Saul and all Israel heard these words of the Philistine, they were dismayed and greatly afraid.” (1 Samuel 17:11) Scripture is specific when naming Saul here. The fear started with the king and ran downhill through the whole camp. When Goliath showed up, every man ran (17:24). The men downstream from the king caught what flowed from him. Fear. NOTHING NEW This wasn’t new for Saul. On the day he was crowned king, they found him hiding in the baggage (10:22). Later he admitted: “I feared the people and obeyed their voice” (15:24). Every time, Saul found a way to manage around his people pleasing, fear of failure, and insecurity. But Goliath was the one thing he couldn’t explain away and couldn’t escape. THE ARMOR IN THE TENT Saul had the king’s armor: the bronze helmet, the coat of mail, the sword. It was made for the man who was supposed to lead Israel into battle. But for forty days, it sat in his tent. Then a shepherd showed up with lunch for his brothers, and Saul handed him the armor. “Then Saul clothed David with his armor... And he tried in vain to go, for he had not tested them.” (1 Samuel 17:38–39) We picture a little boy swallowed by a grown man’s armor. Saul was scared, but he wasn’t stupid. He wouldn’t hand his armor to someone it didn’t even remotely fit. Some scholars believe that David wasn’t some scrawny little punk. But that he was bigger than people have come to assume. One of Saul’s own servants had already called him “a man of valor, a man of war” (16:18). David’s problem was that he wasn’t comfortable in them. Saul kept the armor in the tent out of fear but David chose not to wear the armor because he trusted God. So Saul put the king’s armor on another man and sent him out to fight the king’s fight. Don’t we do the same thing sometimes? We hand the spiritual leadership of our homes to our wives, our kids’ faith to the youth pastor, and the hard conversation at work to someone under us. The armor is in your tent, and someone downstream is out there fighting in your place. WHAT THE WATER CARRIES Saul’s fear didn’t stay with Saul, and left alone it got worse. After Goliath fell and the women sang about David killing his “ten thousands,” scripture says that “Saul eyed David from that day on” (18:9). “Saul was afraid of David because the LORD was with him but had departed from Saul.” (1 Samuel 18:12) The man who wouldn’t face the giant ended up afraid of the man who did. I see this a lot in men today. We are intimidated by other men who are leading strong in their lives. It pricks at our insecurities. And instead of being inspired, we become resentful and make excuses for ourselves. If you find yourself resenting the men around you who are actually leading well, that might be a good thing to pay attention to. A MAN AFTER HIS OWN HEART None of this caught God off guard. Before Goliath ever stepped into that valley, God had already sought out “a man after his own heart” (13:14). The Spirit of the LORD rushed on David and departed from Saul (16:13–14). God chose a fierce warrior with a shepherd’s heart. And when David dropped Goliath, the same army that had run for forty days “rose with a shout and pursued the Philistines” (17:52). Same men in the same valley. But a completely different type of man upstream. Every boy (and man) wants to believe he’s David. But if we are honest, most of us have more “Saul” in us than we’d like to admit. Like Saul, many of us need a good dose of self-awareness. We need to take our upstream responsibility a lot more seriously than we currently are. Jesus said that whoever believes in him, “out of his heart will flow rivers of living water” (John 7:38). The same Spirit who rushed on David lives in every man who belongs to Jesus, and he can clean the water at the source. THIS WEEK Spend time in prayer this week and ask God to reveal to you areas of your life you have been avoiding and “sending downstream”. It’s never too late for God to clean the water and start becoming a man who blesses his family instead of a man who breaks them. How’s this hitting you? Drop a comment below and join the conversation. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

  4. Oct 9

    What Are You Trying To Prove?

    There are several big issues that tend to derail men and keep them stuck in destructive patterns in their lives. As I walk with men, they can be pretty quick to admit that lust, pride, addiction, or even apathy is a problem for them. Many start taking steps to correct the behavior, inviting accountability and enrolling in programs that help them break free. But there is one thing men will admit they struggle with and then do very little to combat, satisfied with “trying harder.” That issue is anger. I think I understand why. Most of us would not call ourselves angry men, and the people around us might not either. Most people probably wouldn’t say that about me. Truth is, I can hold it together for a stranger who has wronged me, answer him with kindness, and then walk into my own house that same hour and snap at my kids or my wife. It bothers me that the people who love me most sometimes get the worst of me. For a long time I chalked it up to stress, a long day, or a short fuse, and told myself I just needed to try harder but simply trying harder never fixed it. What came out of me did not match what my kids had actually done, which told me something deeper was driving it. If you are honest, you probably know the feeling. Maybe you’ve never put hands on someone, but you have felt the tide rising in your chest and felt the shame that comes right behind it, often with no idea where it came from. Jordan Peterson has pointed out that underneath the surface of a man, if he lets it out, there is violence and anger. Scripture agrees, and it goes further by telling us where that anger comes from. That is where we have to start if we want to do more than try harder. THE FIGHT WITHIN A key scripture that I think helps us discern what is going on inside of us is found in the book of James. What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. James 4:1-2 “Fights AMONG you start with wars WITHIN you.” Notice where the war takes place. Not with your wife, your kids, or your boss. It is inside you. The thing that happens in front of you sets it off, but the war was already raging internally. Jesus set this precedent and doesn’t let us off the hook with “well, I never actually hurt anybody.” He takes the command against murder and moves it into the heart: You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. Matthew 5:21-22 Jesus puts anger on the same level as murder. That’s a pretty big deal. God takes this much more seriously than most of us do. God wants us to live in righteousness and scripture is clear, “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20) You can know every one of those verses and still really struggle with this. So what is actually happening inside the moment you get triggered? AM I OKAY? When I trace my own anger back, there is a question underneath it that may not seem obvious. That question is: Am I okay? My kids do not act the way I want them to, and I take it as a reflection on me. It makes me look bad. My internal peace gets rattled, so I lash out to get it back. I call it “disciplining them”. Really I am trying to find my own peace through their behavior. “If you will not act the way you are supposed to, I am going to make you, and I will put on a show of force until you do.” I am dominating them so that I can feel okay. I think that is why I can stay kind to a stranger who wronged me. For the most part, a stranger has no say in whether I am okay. My kids and my wife do, because I have mistakenly given them that responsibility. Look at what sets you off: * being disrespected * feeling devalued * someone taking advantage of you * your kids ignoring you * your wife not responding the way you expected Each one points to where you have been getting your identity. If it can make you explode, you may have been leaning on it to affirm your own identity. WHAT RIGHTEOUS ANGER LOOKS LIKE Doesn’t the Bible say there is a place for anger? It does. “Be angry and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). Righteous anger is real. The question is: where is it directed? And the best place to find out is God Himself. God doesn’t get angry in the same way we do. Scripture calls His anger wrath. But look at how different His anger is from ours. When God revealed His name to Moses, He described Himself as “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Exodus 34:6). His anger is slow, and the outflow of it is fixed on sin and the destruction it brings on the people He made. God is never insecure. He never needs us to behave so He can feel okay about Himself. His anger is the right response of a holy God to evil, and it never comes from a wounded ego. And look at what He did with it. He poured it out on His own Son. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God” (Romans 5:8-9). He paid for His own wrath with His own Son so He could bring us back to Himself. For the man in Christ, “there is therefore now no condemnation” (Romans 8:1). Now hold your anger up next to His. When I blow up at my kids, what am I fixing my wrath on? Them. Righteous anger would be aimed at what is actually coming after them: sin, and the enemy behind it. It is okay to get ticked off at Satan. Paul tells us who the real fight is with: “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness” (Ephesians 6:12). God has made us men with fire in our soul to fight against the dark forces of evil and to wage holy war against sin. But many of us are stoking a counterfeit fire that is burning from our own ego and insecurity. And it is consuming the people IN our home rather than those coming AGAINST it. WHERE YOUR IDENTITY COMES FROM If the root issue is identity, the answer is to go back to where identity comes from. That is God, and that is sonship. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9) A man who needs his house under control to feel okay will explode every time it doesn’t line up with his own expectations. A man who knows he is a son of God has nothing to prove at home. His standing does not rise and fall with how his kids behave, how his wife treats him, or how work is going. He can lead from strength because he is rooted in what God wants for him and his family. What are you trying to prove? And that fire and passion does not go away. It gets redirected. When you lead from security as a son, your anger gets pointed at the battle that actually matters, and you can fight for your children and your wife instead of with them. WHEN IT HITS If you can find any shred of self-control when the heat of your anger rises, stop and ask one question before you open your mouth: “What am I afraid this says about me?” The honest answer is more than likely the real issue, so take it to God in prayer before you say a word to your family. Then ask what you are actually fighting. If your kids need correction, correct them as a man fighting FOR them not WITH them. If the real fight is a lie you believe about your worth, fight that one. THIS WEEK Pay attention to what sets you off at home. Write down each moment anger shows up and what you were afraid it said about you. If you blew it, go back to your wife or your kids, repent, own it, and ask their forgiveness. Maybe it has been a pattern for your over this season or much longer. You have some more repenting to do. Humble yourself and see how God meets you there. PRAYER Father, I have been looking to my family’s behavior and my own performance to tell me I am okay, and I have used anger to control the people You called me to love and lead. Forgive me. Remind me that I am Your son and that in Christ there is no condemnation. Aim the fire in me at the real enemy, and teach me to fight for my wife and my kids and never against them. In Jesus’ name, Amen. How’s this hitting you? Drop a comment below and join the conversation. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

  5. Oct 2

    The Low Seat of Honor

    As men, a deep longing in our hearts is to be respected. Like it or not, many of us filter our relationships through that lens and we ask ourselves the question, “Do they respect me?” or “Am I respected here?” Maybe it’s never really been that deep for you, but if you took an inventory of your life right now, you could probably see that your closest relationships are built off of respect. When someone treats you with respect, it is easier to give respect. When you feel respected, it changes your mood, your outlook, and it opens your heart to deeper relationship with others. Here’s the catch. Respect can be earned in one room and be nowhere to be found in another. A man can build a business that everyone in town respects while the people closest to him feel like they barely know him. He can be the guy at church everyone looks up to while his wife feels like a stranger in her own home. We chase the respect we can get, and we walk away from the relationships that won’t give it to us. Think about the last time you didn’t feel respected. Somebody talked over you in a meeting. You walked in the door after a long day and nobody even looked up. It stings, and most of us react to that sting in ways that damage the very relationships we are trying to cultivate. A BETTER PURSUIT The Bible talks about this differently. It does speak of respect, but the word it keeps coming back to is honor, and honor is a much better pursuit for the heart of a man. The Hebrew word is kavod, and it comes from the word for heavy. To honor someone is to give them weight, to treat them as a person of worth. God has given us a high position of honor by making us in His image and because of that fact, every human being is deserving of a measure of honor. Psalm 8 says this about man: “Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.” Psalm 8:5 Every person you know has glory and honor baked in. Your wife, your kids, your boss, the guy at work you can’t stand. None of them earned it and none of them can lose it, because it was given when God made them in His image (Genesis 1:27). That means honor comes from two places. God gives it and other people give it. A man who chases respect from other men has handed his worth to people who can take it back any time they want. THE DIFFERENCE THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING Respect can be worked for. You build the business, you put in the hours, you earn the title, and respect can follow. It can even go to a prideful man, because position and achievement can carry him there on their own. Honor doesn’t work that way. You cannot demand it and you cannot take it. It can only be given and received. Proverbs tells us what comes first: “Humility comes before honor.” Proverbs 15:33 “One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.” Proverbs 29:23 A prideful man can still get respect. Honor goes to the man who is humble enough to receive it. THE LOW SEAT Jesus watched this play out at a dinner party. Luke says He noticed how the guests were picking the places of honor, so He gave them golden advice: “But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:10-11 That room was full of men asking “Am I respected here?” Jesus told them to go sit at the bottom. Taking the low seat means you quit scanning the room to see who’s noticing you and choose humility. It is better to humble yourself than to be humbled by God. GIVING HONOR PRECEDES RECEIVING IT God gave this order to a priest named Eli, whose sons were treating the Lord’s offerings with contempt: “For those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed.” 1 Samuel 2:30 You honor first. Proverbs describes the man who ends up with honor, even though he wasn’t selfishly seeking it: “Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.” Proverbs 21:21 He pursued righteousness and kindness, and honor was waiting for him there. If you give honor so you’ll get it back, you’re running a business deal, and people can smell that from a mile away. Paul puts the standard high: “Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 Give it because it’s owed and leave it up to God to exalt you. WHAT THE LOW SEAT LOOKS LIKE At home. Keeping yourself pure and free from lust is one of the deepest ways you honor your wife. She may never know what you looked at or where you let your mind go, and it still dishonors her. Peter ties it directly to your prayer life: “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7 With your kids, honor means disciplining them according to their potential and speaking life over them according to their future, not their current state. It is easier to focus on directing the behavior of my nine-year-old than shaping his heart with his future in mind. Your son may be a child right now, but he is going to become a man. Honor him by speaking to that man now. With people who haven’t earned it. The boss, the parent, or the in-law you don’t think deserves your honor still carries God’s image, and Scripture asks you to honor the office too: “respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed” (Romans 13:7). Honoring them doesn’t mean lying about them. You don’t have to call a bad boss a great leader. You can always find something true and kind to say, and you can keep the rest to yourself. “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9 Gossip is a cancer. I would love to tell you I’ve never run down a coworker, a boss, or a family member, and I can’t. When I do it, I feel a shadow come over my own soul, and once the words leave my mouth I can’t put them back. THE EXAMPLE Paul gives us the pattern in Philippians 2: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3 Then he points at Jesus, who took the lowest seat there is: “He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him.” Philippians 2:8-9 Jesus took that seat in obedience to the Father, and the Father raised Him up. If the King of kings took the low seat, you can sit there too. THIS WEEK Sit down and take an inventory of your relationships. Your wife, your kids, your parents, your in-laws, your boss, the men on your team. Ask where you have been withholding honor, and write down the names. Take each one to God. Repent, receive His forgiveness, and commit to honoring that person from here on. If you've gossiped about someone, go to them and repent. Then circle back to anyone you pulled into it and make that right too. PRAYER Father, You honor those who honor You. I've spent too much time asking whether I'm respected and too little time asking whether I'm honoring the people You put around me. Forgive me for the words I've said behind backs and for the pride that kept me out of the low seat. Give me the courage to go make it right. Make me a man who gives honor first, and I'll trust You with the rest. In Jesus' name, amen. How’s this hitting you? Drop a comment below and join the conversation. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

  6. Sep 25

    Ask for what you lack

    I have dedicated a large portion of my life to ministering to men. I truly believe that God has uniquely designed men to carry the leadership of their homes, churches, communities, and beyond. Not to say that women cannot lead, quite the contrary. However, when men are growing and secure in their leadership EVERYONE rises. Wives are blessed and empowered, children are nurtured and discipled, churches advance and grow, and communities become slices of earth where God’s will is done as it is in heaven. If every man understood his part to play and was growing to be the man God has called him to be in that greater plan, we would see this happen all over the world. Tragically though, the reality is that many men are disillusioned, distracted, and living a life of defeat. Without a clear vision and purpose for their life, they are left to wander aimlessly through a life they’d rather escape than enjoy. “Wow, Gabe…encouraging…” It is not all bad news though. We are seeing a shifting in the tide in the hearts of men. There is a hunger I am seeing in the men I interact with that is so encouraging. They realize that the pattern of life they have been living isn’t going to get them to where they ultimately want to be. They want to lead well. They want to make great decisions. They want to leave a legacy. I think these are all great signs! Maybe that’s you. So how do we as men get from where we are to where we know we need to be? It is not a knowledge issue. It is not even really a desire issue. A major key (if not THE key) to growing into the man that God has created you to be is this: WISDOM. Wisdom is the most important thing you could possibly acquire in this life. Gaining wisdom WILL increase your effectiveness in every area of your life…guaranteed. When God came to Solomon and told him he could ask him for anything, he didn’t ask for fortune or fame. He asked God for wisdom! His answer pleased God and He filled Solomon with so much wisdom, he became so revered in his day and age that people were traveling from great distances just to come and learn from him. The kingdom grew to unimaginable heights and God was glorified through Solomon’s life. And he became wealthier than any king before him or after him. Gaining wisdom is the single most important prayer and pursuit a man can undertake because it naturally integrates into every decision, pattern, and battle a man faces. WHAT IS WISDOM? Many think that wisdom is the acquisition of knowledge. And while that is a part of it, knowledge does not lead to wisdom. I know a lot of really smart people that know a lot and have little to no wisdom in their lives. Knowledge is simply gathering or memorizing the facts or information. Some people say it comes through life experience. That is also not a guarantee because I know some really foolish people who are well advanced in years. They have gone through a great many seasons, issues, and hardships but have not learned from their experiences. For all their years, they are still making foolish decisions and repeating the same mistakes. So what is wisdom? I have heard it said that wisdom is the appropriate and timely application of knowledge and life experiences. That makes sense to me. But I am going to take it a step further. Biblical wisdom is seeing life the way God sees it and then living accordingly. That’s why Proverbs says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Proverbs 9:10 Wisdom starts with God. You can pick up a lot from podcasts, mentors, and leadership books, and some of it is really helpful. But if God isn’t the source, you’ll end up with a lot of information and very little direction. So where do we get it? WHERE WISDOM COMES FROM James makes it really simple. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:5 Ask. There’s no hoop to jump through and no spiritual resume to submit. God gives generously, and He gives without reproach, which means He isn’t going to shame you for needing it or sigh because you’re back asking again. Solomon asked and God poured it out. That same offer is on the table for you. Most men get this…fundamentally. But they struggle to receive wisdom because there is a battle that is being waged in our hearts and minds. James continues… THE DOUBLE-MINDED MAN “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:6-8 This is where the rubber meets the road. The doubting James describes has to do with divided loyalty. It’s the guy who is asking God for wisdom for a decision he has already taken into his own hands. He’s pushing something forward out of selfish desire or impatience, without truly humbling himself before God and seeking His will. So here’s a question we must ask: Do I really want God’s wisdom, or do I just want God to co-sign my desires? At the end of the day, we want what we want. But many times God’s wisdom leads us to do things we don’t want to do, or to say no to things we really want. It might mean passing on the promotion that would double your salary but take you away from your family every weekend. It might mean going to your wife and apologizing first when you’re pretty sure you were right. It might mean ending a “harmless” friendship with a coworker that you know is drifting somewhere it shouldn’t. If the only “wisdom” you’ll accept is wisdom that already confirms your own thoughts, I would question whether you actually want wisdom. There have been so many times in my life that I went through the motions of “praying to God for wisdom” when all I was doing was checking the spiritual checkbox. And why do we do this? So we can use the phrase a lot of Christians love to use… “I prayed about it and I feel peace about moving forward.” Or some similar version of dropping the God card down. How is anyone in your life supposed to counter that? In my experience when people drop the God card, it tells me they have already made up their mind and they are going to do what they want to do and don’t want to be questioned about it again. We’ve all been there…you’re not fooling anyone. That is the man James calls double-minded. One foot in God’s will and one foot in his own. And James says that man is unstable in ALL his ways. His marriage, his work, his walk with God, his leadership at home all get tossed around by every new circumstance, mood, and opinion, because he’s never settled who gets the final say. A better approach is, “I have prayed for wisdom regarding this, I have submitted this to some men I am accountable to (outside of me, myself, and I), and I am confident that God is leading me in this direction.” YOU CAN KNOW THE WORD AND STILL BE A FOOL Here’s the scary part. You can know what God has said. You can read your Bible, quote verses, even lead a small group...and still be fooling yourself. James says it a few verses later: “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” James 1:22 That’s how smart men end up becoming fools. If you are not truly asking God for wisdom, you are settling for your own foolishness, no matter how much Scripture you can recite. So be honest with yourself. Am I truly wanting His wisdom, or am I content with my own foolishness? STORE IT UP BEFORE YOU NEED IT Most of us only pray for wisdom when we’re already in the middle of the mess. The job offer is on the table, the argument already happened, the bill is past due. Asking God for wisdom in that moment is right, and He is faithful to answer. But we should also be praying that God would deposit wisdom into our hearts long before the moment comes, so that when it does come we aren’t scrambling. Proverbs describes it this way: “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding... For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” Proverbs 2:1-2, 6 Treasure it up. Store it away. And one of the simplest ways I know to do that is to read a proverb a day. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs and up to 31 days in a month. Whatever the date is, read that chapter. Pick one verse that jumps out at you and apply it to your life THAT day. I have done this for years. More times than I can count, I’ve been in the middle of an intense situation and the thing the Holy Spirit brings to my mind is a proverb I soaked in that morning or months before. That’s exactly what Jesus said the Spirit would do: “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” John 14:26 Ask God for wisdom, and then put in the work to saturate yourself in His truth. THIS WEEK Pick one decision you’re facing right now. Before you pray about it, write down the answer you’re hoping for. Then ask God for wisdom and tell Him you’re willing to hear no. Share it with a brother you trust and ask him to hold you to whatever God shows you. And starting tomorrow, read the chapter of Proverbs that matches the date. A PRAYER Father, You give wisdom generously and without reproach, so I’m asking. Forgive me for the times I’ve come to You looking for a signature on plans I’d already made. I want Your will over mine, even when it means letting go of something I want. Make me a man who is steady and settled in following You. Lead me, and give me the courage to obey what You show me. In Jesus’ name, amen. What’s one decision you’ve been asking God to co-sign? Drop it in the comments. Want more content like this?

  7. Sep 18

    In Parables - Part 7

    This is the last week of the In Parables series. It’s been a fantastic time learning from these stories, and as we wrap up, we’re looking at one of the shorter parables Jesus told, but one of the sharpest. Jesus had just refused to get pulled into a money dispute between two brothers. Instead of taking sides, he turned to the crowd and said something that cuts against basically every version of the American dream: “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Then he starts the story… The land of a rich man produced plentifully, and he thought to himself, “What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?” And he said, “I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.” But God said to him, “Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?” So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.Luke 12:15-21 On the surface, this guy has it together. He’s successful. His land produced so much he doesn’t even have room to store it. He’s not lazy, he’s not reckless, he’s building bigger barns to hold what he’s received. He’s doing exactly what we’d tell any hard-working man to do: plan ahead, save what you can, work now so you can rest later. That’s not a bad plan. Retirement isn’t a sin. Neither is being good at your job or having something to show for it. But notice how Jesus starts the story. It doesn’t say he worked the land so well that it produced plentifully. It just says the land produced plentifully. At first reading it is easy to skip over this but here is the question: Who makes crops grow? Who sends the rain and gives the increase? It’s God. This man was simply handed a harvest. Not to say he did nothing but the way he talks about the harvest reveals his heart. His very next thought skips right past acknowledging God, no gratitude, not even a passing thought toward the one who provided it. He goes straight to what he’s going to do with it. “What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?” “I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods.” “I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years.” My crops. My barns. My grain. My goods. My soul, take your ease. This man was so focused on himself, so locked into his own plans, that he completely missed what his life was actually supposed to be about. And that’s exactly what Jesus is pointing at. Your soul isn’t guaranteed to you for another minute. That moment can come for you the same way it came for him, without warning, in the middle of your best plans. This man wasn’t rich toward God. He was just rich. Which is exactly what Jesus warned about before the story even started. Life doesn’t consist in the abundance of your possessions. This man’s whole existence was built on exactly that lie. Here’s the paradox in this whole parable. This man lived like he had forever. He wasn’t planning for next week, he was planning for years. “Ample goods laid up for many years.” He built his entire life around a timeline God never promises. And most of us do the exact same thing. Not with barns, but with our calendars, our goals, our five-year plans. We live like today is guaranteed, like next year is guaranteed, like we’ll get around to the things that really matter eventually. Eventually we’ll get serious about our walk with God. Eventually we’ll deal with that relationship. Eventually we’ll stop coasting. We live this life like we’re going to live it forever. But here’s the truth, we should be living this life for the life we actually do get to live forever. James puts it about as bluntly as Scripture ever gets: “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.” Here, and then gone, and you don’t get to pick when. Paul says the same thing with a different angle in Ephesians, “making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Jesus says it in Matthew 6, “don’t lay up treasure on earth, lay it up in heaven, because wherever your treasure is, that’s where your heart will be too.” This isn’t meant to scare you. Fear isn’t the goal here. If your life is anchored in Christ, you’ve got nothing to worry about. He can call you home whenever He decides to, and that’s not a threat. That’s just what it means to follow him. A man who’s truly His doesn’t need to fear the night his soul is required, because his future is already settled. The urgency is this: you don’t get to know how many days you have, so stop living like you do. Stop pushing off the things that actually matter to some future version of yourself that you may never see. Stop building a life around comfort, ease, and bigger barns, when God’s asked you to build something that outlasts the barns entirely. A marriage that’s actually being fought for. Kids who know your voice and your God. A church you’re pouring into instead of just attending. A life poured out instead of stored. You don’t have to know the day. You just have to live like today matters, because it might be the only one you’ve got left to build something that will last beyond your final breath. THIS WEEK Look at your calendar and your budget, the two most honest records of what you actually treasure, and ask where the “mine” pattern is showing up. Where are you planning like you’ve got guaranteed decades left? Pick one relationship you’ve been meaning to invest in “eventually,” your wife, your kids, a friend who needs you, and do something about it this week instead of pushing it further down the list. Write down one thing you’re building your life around right now that won’t survive the night your soul is required of you. Then write down one thing that will. Start moving effort from the first list to the second. Let’s be men who aren’t living for ourselves but are being rich toward God. Want more content like this? You can find all of our content and resources here: The Forge exists to provide deep brotherhood, essential tools, and focused coaching so that every man can run with clarity, live with intention, and fully become the man he was designed to be. That’s the mission behind everything we’re building here. We’re creating a place where men can grow, get sharpened, and take real steps toward becoming the man God called them to be. If this content hits home for you, share it with another man who needs it. And if you want to help support what we’re building so we can keep creating resources, coaching, and tools for men, you can do that below. Every share and every ounce of support helps move this mission forward. Thank you! Contact Gabe: gabe@theforgemen.co Get full access to The Forge at theforgemen.substack.com/subscribe

  8. Sep 11

    In Parables - Part 6

    Before we get started I want to take a moment and acknowledge the 25th anniversary of 9/11 today. Hard to believe it has been 25 years and if you are old enough to have lived through that time, no doubt you remember exactly where you were when you heard or saw the news. Even though I did not lose someone I knew in those attacks, we all felt the shock, fear, or even anger that day. It was a dark day in American history and one our country has been marked by. Take some time today and pray for the families who are still mourning and grieving the loss of a loved one. Pray for our first responders. Pray for our nation. We will never forget. THE UNFORGIVING SERVANT The parable for this week gets right to the heart of something a lot of us deal with but probably don’t realize we do. Most guys wouldn’t call themselves bitter. Most of us wouldn’t say we’re living in bitterness or resentment toward somebody. Those words feel a bit too weighty for something we’d rather not acknowledge. But if we’re honest, the evidence is probably there. When someone mentions that person’s name and something in you tenses up. It’s in the person you see across the store and you find a reason to walk down another aisle. It’s in the relative you’ve distanced yourself from without a conversation. We tell ourselves it’s just drifting apart, it’s just busyness, it’s just easier this way. We would rather not face it head on. And in some cases we don’t even know what we are really dealing with. This isn’t a small issue. Jesus doesn’t touch on forgiveness once and move on, he comes back to it again and again. Forgiveness isn’t a suggestion for the guys who can manage it, it’s a command. God has forgiven us an impossible debt through Christ, and because of that we are commanded to forgive one another. But that is a very hard truth to understand and put into practice. Jesus knew this and so he told a story that helps us understand just how important this really is. Right before this parable, Peter comes to Jesus with a question. How many times am I supposed to forgive someone? Peter isn’t being smart with Jesus here, his question is sincere. He wants to obey. He’s probably feeling generous even offering up to seven times. Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus answers with hyperbole. He’s not establishing for Peter a new limit to count to. He’s telling him to stop counting. Then Jesus tells a story to show why. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.Matthew 18:23-27 Ten thousand talents wasn’t just a large number, it was an absurdly large number. A single talent was worth more than a laborer could earn in fifteen or twenty years. Nobody accidentally ends up owing that much money. So how does a man get himself that far into debt? Years of taking what wasn’t his, covering it, telling himself he’d make it right eventually. This wasn’t an honest man who hit hard times. This was likely a foolish man, and the debt only exposed what was already true about his heart. The truth is, you are that man. And so am I. Through our own foolishness and sin, we’ve racked up a debt before God that’s just as absurd. We’re not sinners by accident, we’re sinners by nature and by choice, broken and foolish, standing in front of a King with a bill we could never touch. You’d think a man who just had an impossible, unpayable debt wiped clean would walk out of that room a different person. But watch what happens next. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, “Pay what you owe.” So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you.” He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt.Matthew 18:28-30 A hundred denarii was real money, a few months’ wages. It wasn’t nothing. But set next to ten thousand talents, it’s not even in the same universe. This man, forgiven a debt he could never have repaid in a hundred lifetimes, grabs a guy by the throat over a debt that could be paid off in a few months. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.Matthew 18:31-35 Wow. This is a hard truth to swallow. Jesus gives us the king’s perspective here, and from where the king stands, we can see clearly just how wicked this servant really is. But what’s the application for us? A few things. First, a forgiven man is a forgiving man. That’s not a suggestion tucked into the story, it’s the whole point of it. When Jesus says, “so also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart,” that lands with a lot of weight. It sounds harsh at first. But Jesus isn’t threatening you with losing your salvation over a grudge. He’s telling you something about what real salvation produces. A man who has actually grasped what he’s been forgiven doesn’t walk around choking people over a hundred denarii. If you’ve truly received grace, grace works its way out of you toward other people. Forgiveness of others isn’t what earns your forgiveness, it’s the evidence that the Holy Spirit is alive and working in you. Withholding it isn’t just a character flaw, it’s a sign that our hearts need careful examination. If God’s grace doesn’t flow freely from our hearts, we must ask the question, “Have I actually received God’s grace?” “A forgiven man is a forgiving man.” Then there’s that word “jailers” in verse thirty-four. In the Greek, it’s basanistais, and it doesn’t just mean someone who locks a door and holds you until you pay. It means torturer. It’s the word used for men whose job was inflicting pain, examiners who extracted confessions and payments through torment. Some translations render it “tormentors.” That’s not an exaggeration, that’s the literal word Jesus chose. In other words, the payment will be taken from your flesh. The unforgiving servant wasn’t just imprisoned. He was handed over to be tormented. And of course, Jesus is ultimately referencing eternal torment and separation from God. But that’s exactly what unforgiveness does to us on this side of eternity as well. It doesn’t put the other person in a cell. It puts us in one. The bitterness, resentment, and anger has a lasting effect on your soul. It leads to a tormenting of the soul that follows us all the days of our lives. The person you’re actually locking up and handing over to the tormentors is yourself. It has helped me to think about it this way. At it’s core, unforgiveness is not really about the other person. It’s a trust issue. When you refuse to forgive someone, what you’re actually saying, whether you’d put it this way or not, is that you don’t trust God to actually deal with what they did to you. Think about why we hold on. We don’t want them to get away with it. We want them to pay somehow, feel it, lose something the way we lost something. And if we let go of that grip, some part of us is afraid it just evaporates, that justice never happens and they walk away clean. So we hold the debt ourselves. We become the judge, the jailer, and the executioner all at once. Now, that’s not because we’re crazy for wanting justice. God built that desire into us. He is just, and he loves justice, and it’s right to want wrong things made right. But here’s where it gets uncomfortable. If you’re honest, some part of you is actually hoping this person suffers. That’s a strange thing to want, when you stop and look at it. And it’s not our job to make that happen. God has never asked you to be the one who exacts payment. That’s too heavy a weight for a man to carry, it was never built for your shoulders. There’s something bigger going on too. When we refuse to forgive, we’re actually undermining the power of Jesus’ blood on the cross. If the person who wronged you is a believer, their sin against you has already been covered. Christ took God’s wrath for it when he died. It’s paid for. If they’re not a believer, God’s wrath is still coming for them. Either way, the outcome isn’t in your hands. You have no part in that process, it was settled at the cross or it’s still waiting on judgment, and neither of those is your job to manage. Somebody’s going to say, “So I just let them off the hook? Pretend it didn’t happen?” No. Forgiveness doesn’t erase what they did or pretend the wound wasn’t real. It doesn’t mean you owe them trust again, and it doesn’t mean every boundary you’ve built comes down. What it means is you stop holding their judgment in your own hands. You hand it to the only one qualified to carry it, and you trust him to actually do something wi

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Forging stronger men through biblical truth, practical challenge, and real talk about the battles men face every day. theforgemen.substack.com

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  • Creator
    The Forge
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    53
  • Rating
    Clean
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    © The Forge
  • Show Website
    The Forge Men Podcast