Desi Dramas

Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova
  • 5.0 (10)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

Ever wish your therapist just got what it means to be a Desi? Step inside the mind of Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist unpacking the familiar stories keeping us stuck. Each week, she transforms evidence-based tools using a cultural lens — bicultural identity, family conflict, marriage tension, and everything in between. Practical tools so you can feel empowered. This is not therapy, but we trust it will be therapeutic.

  1. 5d ago

    Why Desi Couples Stay Together When the Marriage Isn't Working

    You're unhappy in your marriage, and you stay. Not because it's working, but because of what people will say about your parents, your kids, and your whole family.I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist in California. In this episode, I talk with Dr. Devika Srivastava, a licensed psychologist and co-editor of Counseling and Psychotherapy for South Asian Americans, about divorce in the Desi community. You're going to learn why stigma, money, and image keep so many Desis in marriages that aren't working, and how to question whether you want to live by the template you were given.0:00 What's to come1:07 Meet Dr. Devika Srivastava, co-editor of Counseling and Psychotherapy for South Asian Americans5:21 Divorce in the Desi community: stigma, power, financial dependence, and the "broken home"7:17 Why Desi couples come to therapy about divorce: learning to handle conflict, or a last-ditch attempt9:22 When you drift apart: how to reconnect after the kids grow up12:32 Why some couples stay and others divorce: "Am I valued, independent, understood in this marriage?"16:01 When some Desi women replace the focus on marriage with religion and kitty parties16:43 What do husbands want?18:43 Love marriage vs. arranged marriage: staying for the community's image20:10 "He's not hitting you": why physical abuse justifies divorce and emotional abuse gets normalized22:08 "If your marriage fails, you're a failure": internalized blame and the glorification of suffering23:45 Break the intergenerational pattern: "Is your sacrifice giving you what you want?"27:25 Acculturation and divorce: a salad bowl vs. a melting pot30:59 Divorced but still living together: finances, fear, and a half step toward agency33:51 Why it's so hard to be a Desi American: tolerating the discomfort of letting your family down36:03 Up next: the unmarried auntiesCounseling and Psychotherapy for South Asian Americans, co-edited by Dr. Srivastava (highly recommend!): https://www.amazon.com/Counseling-Psychotherapy-South-Asian-Americans/dp/0367533499Dr. Devika Srivastava is a licensed psychologist based in Houston, Texas, with a national practice. She works with diasporic individuals, couples, and families, primarily people of color. You can reach her at dr-devika.com.Website: https://www.dr-devika.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_srivastava/Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/devika-srivastava-houston-tx/746092Next week: unmarried aunties, unmarried uncles, and queer folk, and what each of them has to navigate.One way to break the stigma around divorce is to talk about it more. Send this to someone who is deciding whether to stay in a marriage, or to someone who needs to know they're not alone.And if you want to share a drama you are in, message Dr. Heena at desi-dramas.com. She might unpack your tension in an upcoming episode.To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena:Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-DramasSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGSApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramasPsychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462#divorce #desimarriage #southasian #stigma

  2. Oct 27

    How to Stop Worrying What People Will Say (From a Desi Psychologist)

    Log kya kahenge meaning what will people say? If you're Desi, chances are you look at everything, everyone, and yourself through that one question. Your daughter wants to move in with her boyfriend before marriage, and before you ask what she's hoping for, you're already worried about what people will say about the family. I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist in California. When Desis come to my practice, this question is the source of so much of their discomfort. I share my own battle with it, when I told my parents I wanted to move in with my partner before we were married. In this episode, you're going to learn why log kya kahenge is so ingrained in our community, what it costs you in the long term, and one tool to stop living your life through it. 0:00 The filter Desis see everything through 2:03 Who I am: a Desi clinical psychologist 2:21 My own story: moving in with my partner before marriage 4:53 Why log kya kahenge is so ingrained in Desi culture 5:11 Status, caste, and self-worth based on how others see you 6:50 The cost: low self-esteem and never finding your own voice 7:55 Why Desi parents ask "log kya kahenge": protecting their children 8:52 What will the aunties say 9:48 Nina's story: dating someone who isn't Desi 10:51 Why it feels good now and costs you later 11:40 An ACT tool for "people will talk": "My mind is telling me..." 13:32 The alternative: "Main kya kahungi?" What will the ideal version of ME say? 15:34 Takeaways: the fear underneath log kya kahenge 17:02 Unhappy marriages, shaadi.com dates, and being a good beti 19:38 My husband, my mom, and "Logo ko kehne do" (let people talk) Send this to a sibling or cousin who has heard log kya kahenge as many times as you have. And if you want to share a drama you are in, message Dr. Heena at desi-dramas.com. She might unpack your tension in an upcoming episode. To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena: Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-Dramas Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGS Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramas Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462

  3. Oct 20

    How to Stop Reacting in an Argument (From a Desi Psychologist)

    Your partner says you're being irresponsible with the credit card. And before you've given yourself a moment to formulate a response, you've already answered, attacking back.I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist in California. In this episode, you're going to learn how I (and many others) approach therapy and help patients learn to respond in more intentional ways. 0:00 "Have you considered therapy?" What people mean when they say it0:31 Who I am: a Desi clinical psychologist1:22 Why we react: "You never call me" and "You're so irresponsible"2:20 The "space between stimulus and response" idea, often credited to Viktor Frankl3:26 What therapy is really about: insert a pause, choose an intentional response4:43 Talk from your emotions or about your emotions?5:07 How to respond to an angry partner: "change the music in that conversation"6:50 The STOP skill: how to pause and give yourself time in an argument11:03 The question to help you figure out how to respond13:48 Next week: "log kya kahenge"14:19 Takeaways: the framework, the skill, the questionCorrection: Turns out this quote was traced to Stephen R. Covey, who summarized Viktor Frankl's ideas using this quote. Viktor Frankl was a psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of Man's Search for Meaning. The STOP skill comes from Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT. I learned the question about how you want someone to feel in your presence from Dr. Mona Fishbane, who will join us on the podcast in the new year.Next week: "log kya kahenge," the three words so many of us grew up hearing. Why it exists, how to handle it when it comes up, and a different question to ask yourself instead.Send this to someone who wants to be better at pausing and growing in their relationships. Every share helps normalize learning skills like these.And if you want to share a drama you are in, message me at desi-dramas.com. I might unpack your tension in an upcoming episode.To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena:Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-DramasSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGSApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramasPsychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462

  4. Oct 13

    15 Questions to Ask Your Parents About Their Childhood (from a Desi psychologist)

    Do you feel constantly mad at your Desi parent? There is one exercise that can lessen that pain, and it doesn't require your parent to change. I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist in California. So many of my Desi patients tell me they carry anger and resentment toward their parents, and they feel helpless about it. The exercise is this: think of your mother as your grandmother's daughter, or your father as your grandfather's son, and get to know them that way. I did this with my own parents a couple of years ago, and I walked away seeing them as whole people, separate from being my parents. In this episode, you're going to learn exactly how to start the conversation, the questions to ask, and what to say at the end. 0:00 The exercise to lessen the pain you feel with your Desi parents 2:35 Who I am: a Desi clinical psychologist 2:52 Why it works: "Think of your mother as your grandmother's daughter" 3:17 Why Desis struggle to see their parents as whole people 4:14 Be curious, like you're meeting a new friend 5:13 How to ask your parent: the exact words to start the interview 5:50 Questions to ask your parents about growing up in their family 7:37 Questions about the child they were: fear, pride, favorite memories 8:44 Questions about becoming a parent: their hopes, dreams 9:52 How to close the interview with gratitude 10:05 When your parent had a difficult childhood 10:30 Takeaways: you have the agency to lessen your own pain 12:25 Next week: three tools for when you feel reactive All the questions are at desi-dramas.com. Next week: what to do when you feel really reactive, with your parents, your spouse, or a friend. Three simple tools to regulate yourself and act more in line with your values. Send this to a sibling who carries the same anger you do. And if you want to share a drama you are in, message Dr. Heena at desi-dramas.com. She might unpack your tension in an upcoming episode. To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena: Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-Dramas Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGS Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramas Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462

  5. Oct 6

    What Are You Fighting For? The 4 Needs Behind Every Couple Fight

    During conflicts, it's not what you're fighting about. It's not what you're fighting against. It's what you're fighting for. There are 4 categories of needs that most couples are fighting for. Dr. Corky Becker just co-authored a paper on it and presents them here. To read the full paper: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC13473024/ I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist in California. This week I sit down with Dr. Corky Becker, a couples therapist who has worked with couples since the 1970s and whose Family Process paper with John Sargent lays out the four things we fight for: connection, identity, agency, and values. In this episode, you'll learn what each one means, how to spot the lead horse in your own fight, and how to turn a complaint into a request. Then I hand Corky three composite couples, made up from patterns I've seen with Desi partners, and she works out what each one is fighting for. 00:00 Teaser — "I want to be a good Indian son, but I want to be a good American husband" 01:17 Meet Corky Becker: "what are you fighting for?" 04:54 The Esther Perel moment behind the question 07:13 How to stop reacting in a fight — advocate for yourself like you would for a friend 12:12 The four needs in relationships: connection, identity, agency, values 16:06 Competing values in South Asian couples — home-country legacy vs. American life 17:26 How the categories are an antidote to the four horsemen 19:42 Three composite couples: what is each one fighting for? 21:05 Case 1, in-law conflict couple 27:34 From complaint to request: a three-step map for any couple fight 32:11 Case 2, money and trust couple 44:33 Case 3, high reactivity couple 49:14 "Nobody gets unconditional love" 52:13 How to calm down mid-fight 57:55 Questions to find what you're fighting for 61:07 In-laws and the triangle and how to keep the focus between you two 63:23 When your values really clash: deal breakers vs. differences you can live with Each couple also has its own video: Case 1, the in-law conflict: https://youtu.be/bnqIzXA8jkQ Case 2, money and trust: https://youtu.be/wNvy_Tg9WhY Case 3, high reactivity: https://youtu.be/9mJk_5ZjJ6Y And if you want to share a drama you are in, message Dr. Heena at desi-dramas.com. She might unpack your tension in an upcoming episode. To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena: Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-Dramas Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGS Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramas Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462 #DesiDramas #DesiMentalHealth #SouthAsianMentalHealth #DesiTherapist #ImmigrantMentalHealth #couplestherapy #desimarriage #relationshipadvice #communicationskills #southasian

  6. Sep 29

    5 Insights An Immigrant Desi Mom May Not Realize About Herself

    You might feel like the villain in your own family. You're not. But there's something underneath every fight with your kids that you've probably never had language for...until now. I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist. Last week I gave you the exact words to ask your grown child for time, respect, and empathy. This week isn't about the what — it's about the why. Five things Desi aunties have uncovered in therapy about themselves, and the one gentle need hiding underneath each one. 0:00 Teaser — you're not the villain, but it might feel like it 2:06 Who I am — a Desi clinical psychologist 3:11 Insight one: your reaction is older than the fight you're having 5:01 "It's kind of like debt" — what one generation doesn't resolve 5:44 The need underneath: to matter 6:16 Insight two: you're parenting without the village you expected 8:15 Insight three: the invisible labor is the worry, not the tasks 8:22 Deepa aunty and her daughter Sona's wedding guest list 9:01 "Log kya kahenge?" — the worry underneath the worry 10:57 Insight four: you're teaching your daughter what womanhood costs 11:15 The three things a daughter does with what she's learned 14:02 Insight five: every complaint you have is a need in disguise 14:34 The mundan story — what my mom was really fighting for 15:57 Say the need before the request 17:18 Takeaways — five insights, five needs And if you're stuck in your own drama, send it to me at desi-dramas.com. I might unpack it anonymously in a future episode. To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena: Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-Dramas Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGS Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramas Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462 New episodes every Tuesday. This is Desi Dramas. It isn't therapy, but I trust it has been therapeutic. Find one need you constantly long for, and bring that to the conversation.

  7. Sep 22

    3 Things to Say to Your Grown Child Instead of Guilt-Tripping

    Desi aunty, you are the villain, but only because no one ever taught you how to ask for what you actually want. I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist. If you have ever forwarded your grown child one of those videos that are intended to create guilt, I bet it didn't work to bring you closer to your child. What's underneath that forward is much simpler: you want time, you want respect, you want empathy. So in this episode I take three things you already know from the rasoi: a pressure cooker, a karahi on too-high heat, and the spices you roast early on to show you exactly what to say instead. 0:00 Teaser — "Desi aunty, you are the villain" 0:02 The guilt-trip video Desi parents forward to their grown children 0:58 What you actually want: time, respect, and empathy 1:10 Who am I? — a Desi clinical psychologist 1:25 Time — "You have all this time for your friends and none for us" 1:56 Your grown child is a pressure cooker 3:03 Say this instead: "I would love to see you. No pressure." 3:37 Respect — coming in hot burns the sabzi 4:06 Turn down the heat: "I have some ideas. Tell me what you've thought about already." 5:27 Empathy — the spices go in early or not at all 6:20 "It must be so hard for you to juggle everything you have going on" 7:30 Takeaways Next week: Desi aunty, you are NOT the villain. This episode is the what — what to say and do differently. Next week is the why: why you feel what you feel with your child, and where that reaction actually came from. And if you're stuck in your own drama, send it to me at desi-dramas.com. I might unpack it anonymously in a future episode. To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena: Contact: https://desi-dramas.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-Dramas Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGS Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcast TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramas Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462

  8. Sep 15

    The 3 exact steps to take during a fight so it doesn't blow up

    The secret to fighting well as a couple is to be in different rooms — and most couples do this wrong. They stay and try to fight it out, even when they are flooded. I'm Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist in California. Last episode you met Akash and Sheetal: whenever Sheetal criticized, Akash withdrew, and the more he withdrew, the more she criticized. That's their dance, and every couple has one. In this episode I walk through the three mistakes that keep couples stuck in theirs — including the one sentence you can say when you're too angry to think straight, the one that keeps a fight from blowing up the whole relationship. The "time out, not walk out" language comes from Dr. Mona DeKoven Fishbane's research on couple therapy. The speaker/listener structure in mistake three draws on the Gottman method. 0:00 Teaser — the secret to fighting well as a couple0:48 Who I am — a Desi clinical psychologist1:05 Mistake one — you make your partner the problem2:16 The fix: blame the dance, not each other3:04 Mistake two — staying in a fight when you're flooded4:34 The exact sentence that stops a fight from going nuclear5:44 Mistake three — talking over each other, and the speaking-pillow fix7:42 The one-word shift: "I understand" vs. "I want to understand"8:14 Takeaways — three mistakes, three fixes9:52 My ask — watch it together, send me your drama10:24 What's coming next: what are you fighting for? To find the podcast, resources, and contact Dr. Heena:Episode summary/message Dr. Heena: https://desi-dramas.comYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desi-DramasSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/033j40tjJOYSJREHnoGBGSApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desi-dramas/id1896851794Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desidramaspodcastTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desidramasPsychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/heena-manglani-terranova-san-diego-ca/1213462

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10 Ratings

About

Ever wish your therapist just got what it means to be a Desi? Step inside the mind of Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova, a Desi clinical psychologist unpacking the familiar stories keeping us stuck. Each week, she transforms evidence-based tools using a cultural lens — bicultural identity, family conflict, marriage tension, and everything in between. Practical tools so you can feel empowered. This is not therapy, but we trust it will be therapeutic.

Information

  • Creator
    Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova
  • Years Active
    2026
  • Episodes
    26
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Dr. Heena Manglani-Terranova
  • Show Website
    Desi Dramas

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